Team FSM on Kiva is at $78,150 of our $100k goal.
It turns out that the largest team on Kiva is the Atheist, Agnostics, and Skeptics group with over 4900 members and nearly $740k in loans. Holy shit.
Not unlike a spy, I infiltrated their team covertly, and left them this message in an attempt to recruit some of those Godless heathens to our team:
Dear Atheists, Agnostics, Freethinkers, etc:
It’s not too late to Believe in something!
I know you have trouble Believing in a Higher Power – we all have these doubts from time to time. You just need to have Faith.
Once not too long ago, I was like you all – Lost, with no direction or hope. Then I had a Vision and He changed my life. I am talking of course of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Let me ask you something: After a large meal of Pasta, do you feel more at peace? Scientists will confirm that after such a meal, endorphins and other “brain chemicals” are firing overtime. His Noodlyness at work!
I know many of you are academics and base your decisions on observation; before joining our Church, you’ll need a flawless argument. Consider this: the Flying Spaghetti Monster alters our perception of reality such that we can’t see or measure His influence. Thus, lack of observable evidence of His existence is, itself, evidence of His existence. After all, what else but an all powerful God could manage such a feat as this.
You’re all welcome to join our team on Kiva. We are over 500 strong and have raised nearly $80k of our $100k goal. Our kiva team link: www.kiva.org/team/fsm
Every Friday is a religious holiday for Pastafarians, you’ll be entitled to take these off from work.
For more about our religion feel free to view our website: www.venganza.org
Thank you for your time and may the FSM Touch each and every one of you with His Noodly Appendage.