You know spagetti pasta was not created till the 12th century on a wooden press. are you saying the world is only 900 years old. If so then the dinosor bones are all fakes and ther primates are almost family
-david
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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Obviously spaghetti pasta was created in His image, and not the other way round… duh
Actually the “dinosaur” fossiles were put in the sedimentary layers of the earth by His Holy Noodliness the FSM to test our faith. The earth is not more than 6000 yo according to the Living Gospel of the FSM
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So just because humanity was unable to understand the design of our creator until the ‘12th century’, we didn’t exist? thats just stupid..
thats like saying we didn’t stick to the ground until Newton figured out gravity or that we didn’t get sick until we understood bacteria and viruses..
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David, Actually Chinese noodles (which is why the FSM is frequently refered to as the Noodly one) pre-date Italian pasta,and Arab traders most likely became introduced to them due to their trade routes with China. Historically, people in Italy ate pasta in the form of gnocchi-like dumplings – pasta fresca eaten as soon as it was prepared. It has now been asserted that the Muslims who populated Southern Italy (around the 12th Century) were the first to develop the innovation of working pasta from grain into thin long forms, capable of being dried out and stored for months or years prior to consumption (see Peter Robb’s Midnight in Sicily pp 94-96 for details). Possibly, Muslim traders with links to Arab trade routes to China may have been introduced to pasta or noodles that way.
At least you are a lot more intelligent than all the rest
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You are missing the point Dave. His Noodly Goodness always existed, long before pasta. Pasta was created is His image.
RAmen
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“And then the Flying Spaghetti Monster created foods in his image, and they were called Pasta. He saw that it was good. However the Midgit didn’t like the idea of eating Pasta every night of his life (I don’t know why personally, pastas are the most delicious thing on earth) and so he began complaining. The FSM grew tired of the Midgit’s constant complaining, and so he brought forth all the animals of the world and told the Midgit he could eat them. The Midgit called the cow “beef” the pig “pork” and the chicken “chicken.” The Midgit had grown bored with naming and had lost all creativity at that point.”
Pasta was created in his image. Forgive me if I got the quote wrong but I don’t have my gospel with me, when I get home I’ll give you the quote word for word.
Here’s to hoping His Noodly Appendage touches you and may His Sauce rain down upon you,
-GM
RAmen
If you have any questions about or just want to discuss the existence of the FSM, you can reach me at kanastag@comcast.net
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Yes, but Pasta was created in his perfect image. It just took him a while to get around to it, because the whole Earth thing tired him out.
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What is “spagetti pasta”? Is it the Anti-Spaghetti?
The Flying Spaghetti Monster may have given his children access to a god-like carbohydrate in the 12th century but His Noodliness has existed for much longer than time itself! In answer to your question the world has indeed existed for 900 years: hence the BS/AS colander we work with today (BS – Before Spaghetti; AS – Après Stupidity)
I think you will find that dinosors did not have bones and that a marmoset is your mother (You may also discover that your word-processor has a spell-checker).
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*sigh*
Fail.
Learn to read, kid.
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to tell you the truth i dont believe in a fsm but if i had no choice i would, i dont believe in god because i hate the hought that we must be pawns in this game of chess that we call life, and just because it says so in a book doesnt mean that i must believe it, i think that because we cant think of anything higher than god i must mean that there is one. I am 15 years old and i have come to facts in that i will enevitably die but that might be anouther reason why you believe in god, you may believe in him because you are scared of death and hope that we can continue our lives in heaven or hell, you yourself then must not be a christian because you are stateing scientifical evidence about dinosaur bones so why do you care?
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Everything was created last tuesday, you only think you’ve been around longer than that.
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Where to start!? This certainly has the readability and grammar of a Christian’s hate mail, but something just isn’t right. Is this a first — hate mail from an atheist who doesn’t get the purpose of tehe FSM?
Nah, more like someone who’s half-grasped the ridiculousness and inaccuracy of the bible but still can’t go the whole hog and drop their belief.
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By that same logic of Western fleshly physical manifestation, shouldn’t Christians be claiming the world is only 2000 years old? Indeed, shouldn’t david take his suspicions of historical fakery to the full extreme by claiming nothing existed before his own mortal form walked this Earth?
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Did you know that modern humans were not around until about 500 thousand years ago (you can find homo-erectus footprints dating back to a few million years ago but perhap’s that’s not quite “modern”). That means that whatever god you represent wasn’t made up until after the dinosaurs were gone. So you tell me, are all the dinosaur bones fake, or did god impregnate a raptor to spread truth to the reptiles?
Also, humans are primates. Check that out, knowledge is power ya know.
- Bagelsauce
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… oh dear god.
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Yargh!
I’ll just assume you’re a bible creationist.
5,000 to 900 is a much smaller difference than 500,000,000 to 5,000. Since you already took the liberty of reducing the actual age of the earth by 5 orders of magnitude, what’s another 0.74? :)
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Ooh! Well, look at Mr. Smarty-pants!
Let me ask you something, David. Were you there, at the creation of spaghetti? Hm? No? So how do you know that He didn’t manipulate history with his Noodly Appendage to make it look like it was invented 900 years ago instead of at the dawn of time? Hmmmmm?
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Just because pasta wasn’t discovered on Earth until the 12th century does not mean it didn’t exist in the heavens.
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spagetti <— wrong (spaghetti)
till <— wouldn’t it be “until”
are you saying the world is only 900 years old <— no capitilization and shouldnt there be a question mark at the end of that sentence?
dinosor <— dinosaur.
ther <—-….. is that supposed to be their? or the…
and ther primates are almost family <—- that makes no sense… i think i get the gist of what you’re trying to say but I am probably wrong because your spelling and grammar skills are lacking.
And they say us pastafarians are uneducated.
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Of course, we can’t tell how old the world is, because as our gospel clearly states, the FSM changes scientific results with his Noodly Appendages to make the world look older than it really is. But you’re putting the cart before the horse, David. We’re not claiming that humans created the FSM. We’re claiming the FSM simply exists, much like Xtians claim that their Big Sky Daddy simply exists. Earthly pasta is, I dunno, maybe a manifestation borne of some Jungian archetype buried deep in the human psyche, created to honor the FSM on some deep, mystical level that we didn’t even know about at the time. Or, maybe it just tastes really good. Who can say?
It’s nice to see someone trying to use reductio ad absurdum to show us the error of our ways, though, even when they flub it up pretty thoroughly.
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It wasn’t until the 12th century that humans learnt to imitate their creator by making pasta. Pasta did already exist since creation however. What else do you think pirates ate?
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Argg… and your point would be??? Methinks ye should get thee a copy of the good book and at least flip through it a wee bit in the book store even if ye don’t wish to buy it. You would then understand just how little sense your arrrgument be makin’.
RAmen
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You know the Bible was not created till a few thousand years ago? Are you saying the world is only a few thousand years old? Of course the bones are all fake. If so, then the “dinosor” bones are all fake (at least that’s what we believe).
The last part of the sentence I couldn’t read.
RAmen, your friendly neighborhood pirate.
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Science says that the earth is billions of years old. I believe the Church of the FSM says about 4000 years. The FSM can change scientific results to suit His purposes, so I’ll stick with His Truth. Remember, that His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts higher than our thoughts.
rAmen
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But what about Hong LiuFeng and his Canelloni army?
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David
Dinosaur bones have been placed by our noodly master to test our faith. You do know that nothing existed before pasta existed, don’t you? I think you have been fooled into believing pasta was invented by man. I suggest you reread the gospel of the FSM.
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David, you are konfused. Duzn’t yer scool teach Creationism? Dinosors ate spagetti and coconuts wich maid ther bones good and strong so they wud last a long tim. So obveusly spagetti has bin arond mor than 900 years, maybe 6000 years. Dinosors primates (or famly jewls as we call them) did not last as long as ther bones. I hope this enlitens you about this subject.
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Again an idiot who didn’t read the letter…
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*sigh*…please see paragraph 4 of the Open Letter: http://www.venganza.org/about/open-letter/
The almighty FSM planted those dinosaur bones there to test our faith (much like the Christian followers believe their god did the same thing 2000 years ago).
Yarr!
-moby
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Dear David, you clearly didnt read the Open Letter. Please get informed before posting next time.
And, read #2 to get ub3r p0wned.
May the Noodly Appendage guide you to the truth.
RAmen.
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Okay, here’s the real quote. I really failed on what I could remember…
“That midget, however, was goddamn noisy. The FSM couldn’t deal with all the complaining down on earth, so the Lord FSM commanded the midget, saying, “Here’s an idea . . . why don’t you collect the semolina, rice, and what-have-you, and make pasta in my image. That’s what it’s there for. And Fill your mouth with it and be quiet and peaceful. But be careful with the…”
The quote goes on about the olive tree and has really nothing to do with what I was saying.
here’s to hoping His Noodly Appendage touches you and may His Sauce rain down upon you,
-GM
RAmen
If you have any questions about or just want to discuss the existence of the FSM, you can reach me at kanastag@comcast.net
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Wait! Wait! I want to know more about the Canelloni army. Did they wear Cannelloni as armor?
I can hear the Hymn now:
Put on thy shield of Pasta,
Bathe thyself in Sauce.
His garlic cloves are Holy.
You will not suffer loss.
From victory unto victory
He fills the pasta bowl
With Parmesan and Meatballs.
He satisfies thy soul.
Feel free anyone, to add verses. Maybe we need a hymnal.
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Oh come on people.
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I love how morons get eviscerated on this site. Well done, mateys!
love,
sarah
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not created till the 12th century on a wooden press? but when time?
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you are fucking retarded if you think anyone is going to take this serious you need to put your dick where your mouth is and stfu!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is not a religion this is some retarded out castst fucked up little joke….!!!!!!!!!!! i everyone who belives in the faggot ass FSM dies as they read this! ita all yall hippy retarded butt pirats you can all fucking die!!!!!!!if i ever meet someone who is involved with this gay ass society i will fucking cut your dick off!!!!!this is not fucking funny so stop fucking doind this shit or i will fucking find you you fucking dick sucker
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You know, for a piece of “hate mail” this particular message isn’t really bringing the hate for me. It’s almost polite actually, and if nothing else it’s pretty frank rather than hateful. Yes friends, this letter reeks of lukewarm hate. At best this is a letter expressing how proud somebody is of themselves in finding a logical flaw in an internet religious group. It doesn’t really matter that he did not actually find a flaw; he thinks he has, and that’s all that matters. He’s an individual, unique, brilliant, and special; just like everyone else. And he has no problem letting us know this.
I think we, the pastafarians, should band together and require more hate from our hate mail. It should deserve the name. There should be ranting, threats, declarations of self-righteousness, swearing, run on sentences, and religious fervor. This letter really has none of that. I ask you non-believers; add more honest hate to your hate mail. Hate openly and without reservation. Heck, even veil you hate with declarations of pity or sadness, but hate us none the less; you owe us that much.
In love and noodles,
Pastafarian Taco
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Methinks I’ve heard tell of pasta being brought to Italy by Marco Polo. It could be so or it could be the Arab traders that brought the great noodly bounty to the great unwashed of Europe. I have faith that it were the pyrates that brought the pasta to the rest of the world. And we all know that faith is the source of truth.
So posts the DreddPyrateRoberts!! Yarrrrrgh! and a hearty rAmen!
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Pasta was created by Humans in His image.
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I double-dog dare you to _prove_ that I existed before a few seconds ago. As a matter of fact – I urge you to try and prove that I exist right now. Can’t be done – requires faith. Faith as small as a tiny pirate will move large amounts of grog.
PC
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David (may I capitalize your name?),
You refer to fundamentalist Pastafarians when you refer to the wooden press. The first of our kind survived on pasta from heaven about 60,000 BB (Before Bobby). This was way after the dinosaurs if you don’t include the occasional mechanical T. Rex trotted out by prehistoric Hollywood for nonmovies.
Modern worshippers use high tech Italian pasta makers run while in pirate regalia.
My uncle, Simba the Chimp, takes personal offense at being called “almost” family by the way.
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Dylan, “till” is correct. The word predates the word “until”, so both are acceptable.
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Dave,
Oh please. You’re just jealous that He hasn’t touched you with His Noodly Appendage. Accept that touch, Dave. It’s good for you and it’s marvelous.
Meisha
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It appears we have angered Austin (#35)! Whatever will we do? He does seem rather attached to dicks though… So, he is another one of those trolls who was raised with just enough Christianity to be really pissed off at us and deny his homosexual tendencies, and to prophesy (I didn’t die though, so your career as a prophet may not work out so well… don’t quit your day job), but not Christian enough to threaten us will hellfire and revel in our impending eternal torture.
Yes yes, we have heard all of this before. I have no intention of stopping “this shit” (as you so eloquently put it). I, however, don’t have a dick to cut off, so we are definitely going to run into some issues. Coming to find me now? I am questioning how. You are not even able to form a complete sentence, nor are you intelligent enough to use spell check. Could you possibly have the mental facilities to carry out that threat? I HIGHLY doubt it (I also highly doubt you will ever get out of high school). Typical of a Christian. Makes huge threats that they cannot possibly deliver.
You, however, did ALMOST pass the troll hate mail test. Check on horrible grammar, spelling, lots of homophobic retoric, lots of fucks and shits, threats on our lives. You didn’t, however, quote buybull verses or tell us how much you are going to enjoy thinking about us in hell (or something of that nature). Overall I give you a 6. Better luck next time.
RAmen,
D&WC
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Hey Austin, why so angry? Are we messing with your tiny little mind? Maybe you should stay away from sites like this that may make you think. We wouldn’t want your brain to explode. Might get some on us. By the way, have you worn the print off of that exclamation point key yet?
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@austin
Bring it on, you ignorant little twerp. I’ll let you take the first swing. Make it a good one, because it will be the only one you get. BTW, you might want to take a course in basic English. For someone with your obvious lack of education to be calling anyone retarded is really beyond the pale.
I’m not going to stop doing anything. You gonna stop me?
I didn’t think so. Pussy. Shut up and go home and tell your mother she wants you.
RAmen
ET
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#35 – austin
“i ever meet someone who is involved with this gay ass society i will fucking cut your dick off!!!!!”
~~~
Awww austin, the FSM loves you too. He really does!
All your need to do is cease your incessant wanking and let His Glorious Noodly Appendage come unto you.
Now clean all that sticky off your keyboard, take a deep breath and fix yourself a big bowl of pasta.
RAmen
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Hey Austin,
you don’t have a penis do you? we can tell you know. It’s kind of obvious. Don’t worry me old mucker, there’s gotta be a bloke out there who can give you some.
As for the original post: related to apes? Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!
M
PS Austin, its OK, really, its OK. BTW every pastafarian could kick your saggy ass.
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@oldewench
Simply Bravissimo!
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Onward Pasta Pirates
Marching off to sup
Beer ‘canos and strippers
Await when we go “up.”
At the sign of triumph
Xtian forces flee
On then Pasta Pirates
On to Victory!
Onward then ye people
Join our happy throng
Blend with yours our voices
In our victory song
Glory, laud, and honor
The Flying Pasta King
This through countless ages
Midgets and strippers sing!
Onward Pasta Pirates
Marching off to sup
Beer ‘canos and strippers
Await when we go “up.”
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before you start sending in hate mail, please read what the website is about. yes, THE WHOLE POINT of this site is to create a FAKE RELIGION in which no one truly believes. personally, i am not sure how i feel about religion, but i believe that when we try to teach things in a science class for which there is no scientific backing, people are entitled to be frustrated. this website is an outlet for that frustration by showing trying to show a hugely ridiculous exaggeration of what teaching bible in a non-religious school’s science class is like. so i’m not going to go ape on you, but please try to understand what you’re hating on before you do it publicly.
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