Bobby,
I’ll pray for you. Really and truely.You are obviously a very intelligent and witty person.
I hope that you have an amazing life and are happy and proud of who you are.
I also hope that one day you might give God another chance.
I don’t know what happened that caused you to turn from Him, or if you never did believe.
But I sincerly hope that you will know Him.
When you die, do you know what will happen?
I’m sorry if this comes across as just another ‘conversion’ speech.
Just please never give up hope in life.
Thanks for reading.
Love, Katie
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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I hope she also has “an amazing life” and is happy and proud of who she is. As long as she’s not gay or expects her prayers to be answered, it might be possible.
Katie, I hope you give reason another chance, that you reject superstition and the supernatural, that you embrase your one life, have lots of fun and leave a legacy of goodness to the living. Please don’t embrase the immoral morality of the bible.
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Why do they always say that ‘hope’ is only something for the believers? Like it is a privilege to have ‘hope’.
I have hope that maybe- just maybe in like say 75-100 years the word ‘religion’ is banned out of the dictionary.
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No. Do you? Really? I know you’ve been TOLD things, but if you think that’s good enough, you have much to learn.
“I’m sorry if this comes across as just another ‘conversion’ speech.”
Whoops …
“Just please never give up hope in life.”
Eh? Who says Bobby or any of us have given up “hope”? Do you think your religion is the only possible source of hope, just because you in believe it (and not in something else). I smell a circular argument here.
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Also, utterly ineffective. It gives no rational reason for change. I need to be convinced by a logical argument if I am going to convert to Christianity.
RAmen.
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Don’t be such an intolerant person, Katie. Only about 1/3 of the world’s population are Christians. Are you saying that the other 2/3 (the majority) are all wrong? And what about all the extraterrestrial lifeforms out there? I’m pretty sure they all have different (if any) religions as well.
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Polite, yet condescending; and still utterly missing the point. Honestly, do none of these people understand the difference between mocking some of God’s followers and hating or rejecting God and/ or any specific faith?
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The effect of my act will be measurable: I will become on bowl of noodles heavier.
The effect of your act is only exhaled CO2 and imagination.
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I’ll pray for you. Really and truly.
You are obviously a very intelligent and witty person (who can spell most words, generally use proper punctuation and write a coherent sentence).
I hope that you have an amazing life and are happy and proud of who you are.
I also hope that one day you might give The Flying Spaghetti Monster another chance.
I don’t know what happened that caused you to turn from Him, or if you never did believe.
But I sincerely hope that you will know Him.
When you die, do you know what will happen?
I’m sorry if this comes across as just another ‘conversion’ speech.
Just please never give up hope in life.
Thanks for reading.
RAmen, BlackBard
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Dear Katie,
You are obviously a patronizing and condescending person. I hope one day you will give Allah another chance. I don’t know if you were so incredibly unlucky that you weren’t raised a Muslim or your life circumstances made you so miserable that you turned away from Allah. Either way, I hope you will get to know him, because without him life is empty and worthless. You know what happens when you die? Just ask the suicide bombers, they had(have) no doubt in their hearts about it. I won’t be praying for you at all, honestly and seriously.
RAmen
PS: How are we supposed not to give up hope if, according to you, hope only comes when you know gawd?
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Its this condescending sugar coated crap that pisses me off the most about so called x-tians.
…when we die, lights out, its over. Just like flipping the light switch on the wall. Best we can all hope for is to go quietly in our sleep.
…and what makes you think anyone who just doesnt happen to believe in fairy tales, wouldnt have “hope in life”? I have hope in everything, and sure as fuck dont need some imaginary friend to make me feel better, or to serve as some morality guidepost. So to sum up my feelings on this one…piss off!
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Dear Katie.
Join the ranks of the long list of people who have completely and utterly missed the point. Thanks for being pleasant about it at any rate.
RAmen
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Came expecting tears/hate/swearing.
Left disappointed.
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Well, Katie,thanks for being so sweet and nice, but you’ll go in the books as another one who just doesn’t get it. Read the “about” page. Understand that your religion is no better than any other, and stop trying to impose your beliefs on the world. Everyone is different, and entitled to their own interpretation of and interaction with the world as they see it, so long as they do no harm to others. Please don’t bother praying for me, it will have no effect on anything.
RAmen
ET
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The arrogance of the religious never ceases to amaze me. Katie, do you know what will happen when you die? If so, how? I know you believe something will happen, but that does not make it so. Beliefs are not facts. Your beliefs about the afterlife hold no more truth then any of the other thousand beliefs about the afterlife. You should really ask yourself one day why is there no more evidence (and no, the bible is not evidence any more than the gospel of the FSM is) for your beliefs then there is for a satire about beer volcanoes and pirates. As far as praying for us, here is a simple comparison cart that shows how much good that will do vs actually getting off your ass and doing something real for the community:
http://img34.imageshack.us/img34/9864/1234325421949.png
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“When you die, do you know what will happen?”
The world will go on without us in it. It really is that simple. You might think that you really are something very special, and to yourself and your family you just might be, but in the grand scheme of things you really are just an insignificant piece of carbon.
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I think I be in love…
Katie, m’lass, why don’t ye give up th’ borin’ cracker-religion. Come join me, an’ we’ll sail th’ high seas, cutlass in one hand, pasta fork in t’other… It were meant t’be, Katie. Y’can’t be livin’ in some made-up fantasy religin’ f’ever…
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Of course we know what happens when we die…beer volcano and stripper factory.
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That was different.
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Katie,
Please tell us what evidence you have that there is anything beyond the grave for a person who dies. Misquotations of old Hebrew literature are not allowed here as evidence. Reference to the Bible requires your demonstration of competence in Hebrew, History, Politics, and a knowledge of Archeology, so we can discuss who, when, and why certain people wrote and compiled the book.
Don’t waste your time praying for any of us; spend it learning the subjects listed above so you can competently discuss philosophy with us.
http://www.sciam.com/podcast/episode.cfm?id=why-people-believe-what-they-do-09-04-10&sc=DD_20090413
Remember that you believe whatever it is that you do believe in strictly because it is what your parents believe in.
RAmen
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So close….. Katie, you’ve almost claimed the distinction of composing one of the first error-free hate-mails.
The only problem, though–apart from your inability to just let people believe what they want–is a misspelled “truely”. To create an adverb, sometimes you have to do more than just add an “-ly”, and in the case of the word “true”, that involves dropping the “e”.
Better luck next time!
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Katie,
Do you know honestly what will happen when you die? Why do you pray? Is it to appease the ego of your “God” or is it because you want something from it? Perhaps, you need to take an honest look at what you believe in.
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I know what will happen when I die. I will make the most lovely fertilizer. Really, it’ll be just fantastic. And somehow, people fail to grasp that praying for people who disregard any “power” in prayer… doesn’t work?
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Yeah, it comes across as another “conversion” speech. Yawn.
We’ll eat some pasta for you, and hope you someday feel the touch of His Noodliness.
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Good, you do that. You pray, and meanwhile, I’ll do something actually productive.
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When i die, i will go to a heaven with strippers and beer!
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You want Bobby to give two chances to one god, but instead he is giving his second chance to a minority god – much fairer.
And when he dies, he will see the beer volcano and the stripper factory.
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Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
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Finally! Actual legitimate grammar!
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“Prayer. How to do nothing and still think you’re helping.”
http://www.scottklarr.com/topic/453/collection-of-atheist-and-atheism-motivational-posters/
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Katie,
When you die, you will experience the exact same thing that you experienced for the billions (or, if you are a Creationist, the thousands) of years that passed before you first experienced consciousness (some years after your birth).
The developed physical human brain is what creates the illusion of a “soul”. Our “souls” are, in fact, only our memories.
When your physical brain stops its normal chemical functioning, your “soul” will go away. This can happen temporarily under anesthesia in the hospital and it will happen for forever when you die.
This is the only life you will ever have. Please enjoy it and be nice to everyone else while you do.
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I don’t think Bobby’s given up hope on life. Have you seen His blog, Katie? He’s having a whole lotta fun.
Other than that at least you were meaning well and being nice. You sound as if you are quite young so hopefully you have time to explore other possibilities in life before placing all your chips on the god thing.
Maybe you’ll still end up taking the god route but it’d be a shame if a nice person like you didn’t at least have the good sense and manners to look at the alternatives seriously before tying your colours to the god myth.
Some of us simply have no choice in our beliefs. We don’t believe in god because the facts back this up. We see no point in pretending to believe in something that doesn’t exist. I don’t mean to be rude to you but I do hope one day you’ll wake up from your trance and embrace life for the unique and wonderful thing it is.
Enjoy life. It’s the only one you’ll get.
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Katie–
Alfredo, marinara, bolognese.
I pray instead you’ll worship these.
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Wow. I think she actually kind of gets the point of the site, even if she can’t circle the wagons back to how it reflects on Christian dogma. She must’ve graduated from Liberty with honors.
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Well Hey Everybody,
And Hi FSM!
As a leader of my own Religion, with around 50 followers in 4 countries, I love the way you have so quickly gained worship!
I say go for your life Christians, write all the hate mail you want, proove him wrong!
But you’re just adding to the hate in the world.
He’s just seeing life through his own life, and his own views, and obviously you guys cannot handle personal choice. So I say go for your life Pastafarians! Make life much more enjoyable!
I have just made FSM my background!
Be sure to keep a lookout for my religion “Krowdism” in the next few years too!
I’m working on it!
Much much bolognaise,
King Krowder
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Well since you are so well spoken, I could maybe… Umm, no.
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Katie, the way I see it, it’s the religious who “give up hope in life” by basing their whole existence on the promise of an AFTERlife. I figure this life is the only one I get, and that’s OK.
Look at it this way, if there IS a creator, what incentive does he have for toying with us on different planes of existence? Why would he want the same characters inhabit both earth and heaven? Oh, yeah! Because he loves us so much! That’s why we have disease, starvation, hurricanes, etc.
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Wow.
That was completely different from every other hate-mail that I’ve ever read on this site. The grammar is good, and the meaning is clear. She accepts us, but will pray that one day we’ll turn to her religion. It’s actually kind of sweet.
Thank you Katie.
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I am glad to see a semblance of politeness for once. Although clueless, condescending and naive as Katie is, she may actually be a light of hope amongst those who state simply, “TWAT”.
R’Amen, and may you all be forever Touched by His Noodly Appendage
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Nice letter. Thanks for being human Katie.
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Regarding #6 Captain Parrot
For a while now I have wondered about the effect of an extra-terrestrial visit/communication.
Putting aside the belief or disbelief of other world creatures, or possibility of a chance for a vist:
If ET did visit, surely they would NOT have a “BIBLE” like Earth’s, nor would they have a “JESUS story” or “muhamed story”, or “vishnu story”, etc.
They would come with their own set of beliefs, or perhaps none.
How would these visitors be received on Earth by our religious personages?
Can you imagine Earth’s religious types trying to convert aliens to Christianity or Islam?
They would just simply laugh at earthling ignorance!
The Pope might even disparage them as “worse than homosexuals”.
Maybe they even have a version of the ten commandments, only it’s the 8 commandments.
Maybe they have belief in the son of the FSM, who came to save their souls…who knows?
Either way, when Earth’s religious find out about the “belief system” of aliens, I guarantee
that all hell will break loose. Aliens don’t believe in Jesus, and do not accept him as their savior, and will all burn in hell.
Earth’s religious will mock the belief’s of aliens as “unprovable”, “ridiculous”, and “absurd”.
They will say the same thing about our beliefs…and VIOLA!.. War of the Worlds!
Chalk up another win for religion!!! No use being religious if you can’t kill someone for it.
Of course, I could be wrong, and aliens all across the universe have realized the indisputable truth of Intelligent Design…. but will they have evidence to support this and disprove evolution? HMMM.
May you avoid stupid religious ceremonies that cut and shorten your spaghetti.
RAmen.
-TooferMan
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Sorry, second post, I couldn’t resist:
Kudos to #10 Blackbard and #11 Insightful Ape. Both very clever.
I would really appreciate a reply post from KATIE on these two, responding to the urgent plea
of giving another god another chance…
Perhaps by your mirrored ‘conversion speech’, KATIE might realize how pointless, fruitless, and worthless her attempt really was. She’s not gonna follow FSM, and we’re not gonna be ’saved’.
And #27 BaronVonPasta, you’re just a horney bastard trying to get laid by any means.
May you all swim in the saucy goodness of peace and pasta forever.
-TooferMan
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Katie,
Thanks for the concern, it’s very pasta of you. I do have a question in return though. When you say ” I sincerely hope that you will know Him.”, I have to wonder, do you mean in the biblical sense? I mean I’ve often hoped to be touched by His noodly appendage, just not quite in that way.
RAmen,
Your pal Al
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well its nice that she was nice about it but to answer some of her questions on a personal level (i cant answer for bobby but i can for myself) i “turned away from him [god]” when i started asking questions. The thing is it does not add up, my favorite example of this comes from the first story of the bible where god creates everything in 7 days including people. This is obviously false because there is hard evidence supporting life before people, millions and billions of years before people. therefor being created in such a short span of time is obviously false. anyway finding answers to questions such as this in contradictory science and not the bible led me down the path i am now. as a response to being “intelligent” and “witty” i’m not saying i’m very smart but i am smart enough to ask questions and not blindly follow what i’m told and if i ask questions its a “sin” and i “burn in hell”. which brings me to the finally answer i would like to give. to the question of “When you die, do you know what will happen?” i do you rot in a hole. the question is do you?
Praise be the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and may his noodly appendage touch you
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To Katie and all the Katies out there,
Have you ever thought that what you are asking Bobby to do is live a lie? Atheists don’t feel what you feel. And you don’t feel what an atheist feels. To ask an atheist to believe in a god is like–like–well, like asking you to give up your god belief. Can’t we allow each other to believe what we want without “guilting” each other? Without passing laws that prevent freedom from religion?
This whole Spaghetti Monster thing is just a mirror held up to show you what you look like to an atheist. If you don’t like how silly it looks, well, then Bobby made his point. This “Spaghetti religion” was created in protest because our society continues to favor the religious. Bobby just thought, well, if you can’t stop ‘em you can show ‘em what they look like.
If other religions were truly good and did not threaten atheists, Bobby would never have needed to create this website. The way to get rid of FSM is to improve your own religions. Make your religions good. That means stop threatening others with “When you die, do you know what will happen?” That’s ugly talk, Katie. If your religion says it’s okay to say that to another person, you don’t have a good religion.
Know what makes you happy and don’t live a lie to please other people.
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Katie:
Thank you for your pleasant email. I don’t think Bobby really wants your prayers, so don’t waste them. There are starving children out there that deserve more attention.
Meisha.
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Respect for Katie for being decent and polite in her letter. Obviously, her prayers will remain unanswered, but at least she has good intentions and doesn’t want to kill Bobby.
Thank you Katie, you make Christians look a tiny bit better. I hope (and we, pastafarians, are full of hope) you all wake up one day and see the truth, give up the nonsense and enjoy some spaghetti instead.
In the meantime, thanks for the effort put in correct grammar and spelling.
RAmen, may you be touched by HNA.
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And I’ll pray for you too.
Hoping that one day you’ll find the FSM greatness in your heart.
May you be touched by his noodly appendage.
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