hahahaha..you bunch of clowns..where in the ass-backward world did you get all shit..i think you’ll go hand to hand with all this stupid fundamentalist cum delusional sick which abounds in today’s world..i’m still sane..are you.
-Karlitz
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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…
Snarky reply not found, please give me time whilst I figure out what the fuck you just said.
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Is this a hate-mail, or a plea for help? I’m not sure.
FYI, Karlitz, it’s when you stop questioning your sanity that it starts slipping away. I’d be worried, if I were you…
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Wow, what a well thought out retort to this website. Your intelligence is astounding as well as your ability to actually write a sentence and put together an intelligent thought.
Any newspaper or online publication would be chomping at the bit to hire you as an editorial writer.
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you may think that you are sane (based on your letter I have doubts) but you can’t recognize a spoof site when you see one. So who are you to put us down as being delusional?
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I think you need to work on coherence. I think I understand you, but am not sure. If you are suggesting that the Noodly Adherents are here to battle the forces of fanaticism and fundamentalist religious outlooks, then you are correct. The world is indeed ass-backwards, which is why it is important to spread the word of the Noodly One.
PS – you might try _READING_ the ‘about’ tab. That may just answer your most pertinent questions. Just saying…
PC
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Dude, learn to use a question mark. I can’t tell if you’re asking a question or making a statement.
Did you mean “hand in hand”? If so, then yes, we DO go with it quite well. That’s the whole point. Our church comes from the same line of logic and reasoning on which the Christian Church is based.
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“cum”?
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Someone has had enough of his noodelyness’s divine pasta dishes
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I can spell and apply grammar; can you?
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Be a clown, be a clown,
All the world loves a clown.
Act a fool, play the calf,
And you’ll always have the last laugh.
Wear the cap and the bells
And you’ll rate with all the great swells
If you become a doctor, folks’ll face you with dread,
If you become a dentist, they’ll be glad when you’re dead,
You’ll get a bigger hand if you can stand on your head,
Be a clown, be a clown, be a clown.
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Well done for hanging onto your sanity! It seems you’re right on the edge
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err. he’s sane?
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Was that English? I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a coherent sentence in that whole rant. Yet, he insists that we are clowns and he is sane? Hmmm…
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It’s a joke, you either get it or you don’t.
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I’m certainly not sane, by jove! I can’t even fail to correctly punctuate and spell things. I’m mad I tell you, MAD!
If only choking on my own personal effluvia of insanity hadn’t caused me to embrace the madness of pasta based reason! Oh woe is me. If only I could spend my time with impotent swearing against a harmless parady; then I could count myself among the mentally sound.
Oh well, sanity is overrated. Guess I’ll take another trip to the pasta bar and reaffirm my faith.
Be touched by His noodly appendage.
Pastafarian Taco
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Ummm, what?
RAmen
ET
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If you WERE still sane you wouldn’t be able to write such a poor expression of your lack of understanding.
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While your state of sanity may be in question, one thing is clear: you are drunk out of your mind.
Possibly on red wine. Which as all Pastafarians know, goes exceptionally well with pasta.
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I’m not entirely sure if I am sane, actually, but I damn well know you’re not. The only person who knows he’s not mad is a madman.
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Arrrgh, Karlitz, ye still sane, ye say? Arrrgh, yer post say not. Ye be walking the plank before sunroise.
Pass the grog, mateys.
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Upon what, exactly, are you basing your self-diagnosis of sanity? It’s just that all of the evidence you’ve presented to us suggests the opposite. Well, either that or you’re a moron.
Ramen
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It seems that sanity comes with a high degree of anger and hatred towards things that are beyond common understanding, expressed in terrible grammar. No wonder why insane people are happier and harmless…
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Oh! He meant “cum” in Latin, not in lower-English!
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cum
I still like the use of “sick” as a noun, though. “… hand in hand with all this stupid fundamentalism (which turns into) delusional sick which abounds…”
Delusional Sick sounds like either a really bad band name or an exotic ethnic dish.
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Illiteracy is a terrible thing. Won’t you help?
I like the period/ellipses fusion thing. It’s very space efficient.
This alignment of words: “all this stupid fundamentalist cum delusional sick” seems odd. Just try to imagine someone saying this sentence. (I actually think the word “cum” isn’t being used like a typical Xtian hate-mailer would use it, but I could be wrong.)
That last declarative sentence, “Are you,” seems too zen for hate mail.
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Not clowns. Pirates.
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In the country of the blind,
the one-eyed man is king;
in the country of the sheep, they call him
Cyclops.
And the quality of mind is such a
tenuous thing that here you need it
like a blind man needs eye drops.
Still you always wonder about the education system when they have such poor spelling and grammar, still I wonder if they would understand the metaphors I used?
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I’ll buy some leading capitals and some syntax, so the FSM can leave them in your noodle bowl on TLAP Day!
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saying “I’m sane” doesn’t make you sane… If a girl says she’s 18 it doesn’t mean she’s legal… if a drunk say’s he doesn’t have a problem, it doesn’t stop his alcoholism.
I think you get my point
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Karlitz, the only thing that’s keeping me sane is this website. That and the frienship I’ve developed with a family of singing potatoes in the bottom of my pantry… ahhh how they keep me amused, la da da de da da.
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Why can’t anyone understand this simple fact; the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster makes just as much sense as any other church, or any other religion for that matter. So if you think that this faith is compleate bull shit, then yours probably is the same. Now you almost certainly won’t relize this because you’ve grown up beliving in your faith, so naturally you assume that its right. But you have to at least be respectful to other beliefs, including ones about flying spaghetti monsters.
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yaaarrrrr :) was missing the hate mail, there hasn’t been much latley :(
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“hahahaha..you bunch of clowns..where in the ass-backward world did you get all shit..”
THE CONTRADICTION! I LOVE IT!
Oh FSM this page is amazing.
The irony is busting at the seems me hearties!
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I know grammar is important, but we shouldn’t be grammar Nazis. Obviously the guy is a tad misguided, though, which I found to be the funny.
The whole grammar thing gets old… barely any of the fundies use it.
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Avast!
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I had some “Delusional Sick” once when I was in the Middle East… some Cipro and bed rest cleared it right up.
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1.) Is Karlitz a doctor? Seriously doubt it. 2.) Even qualified doctors are discouraged from making self-diagnosis. 3.) Some serial killers believe themselves to be sane. Merely declaring oneself sane does not make it so.
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@ Tacomagic #15
It’s spelt ‘parody’.
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Um, actually I am perfectly sane… now I have to go and plan world dominati– …………..
Wash my hair…
Heh, heh, heh
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Translation: (first try)
Harharhar.. you bunch of priates.. where in the beer
Blackbeard sea did you get all sauce.. i think you’ll go hand in hand with all this sexy strippervolks cum
delusional drunk which rounds up in today’s world.. i’m still the same..arrr you. –kRAmen
pass the grog
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Yarrrrr.. At first methought it ’twas Yoda-speak. But i came to realizing that the lad or lass be delusional. Not from too much drink, mind ye. And no, the swine flu has not cooked their brain. It is the weakness of improper nutrition, a better diet would suit this landlubber. Fetch me hastily the heaping platter of noodles and a goodly bubbling cauldron of marinara. Verily I say to not skimp on the meatballs. Let the grog flow forth with abundance. For today, we feast!
RAmen, mateys, RAmen.
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Maybe he’s sane, just stupid.
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I’m kinda new to this ship, but I do practice my pirate-speak with my youngest son. I pile bubbles onto his chin when he’s in the tub and say “ARRRR! Thar be Bubblebeard the Pirate!”. He absolutely loves it, and it’s important to teach your kids about religion.
Anyway, back to the thread. I think the thing stands on it’s own. Like a really bad marinara or a pomodoro that’s so burnt that the pan is garbage, you really don’t have to point out anything in Karlitz’s commentary on his own darkness for it to be obvious. We can only hope that the FSM will help him to no longer suffer from such an unnecessarily inflated ego.
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One thing first: I’m not a pastafarian. but, i think you guys are a religion and they should leave you alone.
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I haven’t been on the site for a while, but then I noticed this. The only Hate Mail! I remember when half the recent posts would be hate mail! We need to stir up more trouble!
Translation, sentence by sentence*
1. “hahahaha..”
hehehehohoho!
2. “you bunch of clowns..”
Pirates, technically. I’m afraid of clowns myself.
3. “where in the a**-backward world did you get all sh**..”
Bobby Henderson, The FSM, your choice.
4. “i think you’ll go hand to hand with all this stupid fundamentalist cum delusional sick which abounds in today’s world..”
“hand to hand”… “hand in hand”? “cum delusional sick”… maybe it’s supposed to be “come delusionally sick” as in he wants “stupid fundamentalists” to “come delusionally sick” to somewhere…
5.
“i’m still sane..are you.”
Yep, just like my cat. I know, I asked him. BTW, I love the use of the double period, really adds effect to the “sentences”. Less of a pause than ‘.’, but more of a pause than “…”. I LOVE it! By the way, I think you need to work on grammar.. I’m pretty sure the word “I” is always capitalized.. Yep, I sure do love that ‘..’..
*if you can call them sentences.
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It’s “Anonymous”, not “Anonomous”. Gee, why can’t even the “good” religious types spell?
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I don’t think English is Karlitz’ first language. I don’t think he has a first language, come to think of it.
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i am sane!
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Yeah. You’re right, Karlitz! Your argument totally swayed me to…umm…wait, what did you say??
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It is almost like al gore wrote this.
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Karlitz is indeed probably sane.
But sadly very, very dull.
Next.
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@ Tacomagic #15
It’s spelt ‘parody’.
Blast. My spell checker has failed me again. Irony is a harsh mistress, but she’s oh so fun on a Saturday night.
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Do you know how to use question marks???
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So you belive that fundamentalists don’t make sense. Well then, although I’m ashmed to say this, hold very similar views to most pastafarians.
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I’m sorry. I wrote it that way on purpose smart one.
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And “good religious types?” try atheist.
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yeah… that’s not helping our opinion of you at all. First you apologize, then sarcastically insult us, and finally finish it off with a double post. I for one am definitely convinced.
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Dear “Anonomous,”
Uh, WTF? What’s your point? We’ll respect your 2nd Amendment rights by not making you come back to this website. Please respect ours by not comng back. BTW, not all persons who don’t subscribe to blind faith are atheists. Remember this- Blind faith is the folly of the weak minded… Free Thinking is contagious amongst those of higher intellect.
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How about the amendment that guarantees freedom of religious expression? Any of you Jesus Freaks and other types of morons ever hear of that? Or was that conveniently left out of the US History class you all took in high school?
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i am a recent convert of pastafarianism, and my new belief has relieved me of much tension. maybe if you convert, you would be able to reattain normal brain function! ramen! brother tom
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you’re rude.
im a believer in christ and the heavenly father who created all of the earth and i think pastafarianism is great! lets try to remember that the lord is forgiving, he is merciful, and we have no right to condemn others because i can guarantee that you are not innocent and you are not a theologist with any kind of phd and you most certainly are not divine.
i give props to the creator of this “religion” and respect his passion for equal treatment of school systems. not many people have the drive to go as far as he did.
i myself have enough drive in my own life to not be affected negatively by this. i just wish others could be able to be individuals and not let something like the flying spaghetti monster allow them to resort to talking down to other people with such harsh language and rude accusations.
at least own up to it. god knows who you are even if we dont.
i hope you have a lovely rest of your day and are able to find happiness somewhere =]
much love
monica
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Thank you, monica #60,
Here’s a link to a comment by a Christian Evangelist, Southern Ptarmigan, at the bottom of the column. He’s certainly got his view of this whole issue in perspective.:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=letters-may-2009&sc=DD_20090508
RAmen
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This stuff is almost as hilarious as the bible
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I believe that it should have ended with a question mark. What ass backward place did you learn your grammer?
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I think we should start a trust or something for the satire-blind. Poor, bastards…
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@Left of Sean
“Any newspaper or online publication would be chomping at the bit to hire you as an editorial writer.”
Having perused a reasonable amount of online content, I think Karlitz may be over-educated for such a post.
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I am, of course, referring to other websites.
RAmen
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@all:
I hafta say that Karlitz may be a candidate for *conversion*; he DID express disagreement with delusional fundamentalists, etc.; perhaps, like the Christian’s St. Paul (who started, after all, I thought, as a wormy little persecutor of Christians), he will have an epiphany. It’ll be easy to know, he’ll have marinara sauce on his face….yes, dear Karlitz, we’re still sane too!!!!
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@ Monica #60
We have been known to be rude, but you don’t honestly think Karlitz deserved a rationed and correct response to that drivel do you?
Second, Here’s the deal. In order for society to function it is the absolute requirement of the rational and reasoned to condemn that which is neither. This is the basis of all law. Condemning actions which are dangerous or harmful. You do not need to be pure to condemn murder, rape, drunk driving or atrocious misuse of the English language. There are a host of other things which can also be safely condemned.
Second, one does not need a PHD to be a theologist and religion can be debated by anyone with an opinion and an opponent; often the opponent is internal which makes debating religion so much fun.
Third, I don’t think you fully appreciate the extent of Bobby’s support for the teaching of ID.
Fourth, The FSM allows all behavior. This is the gift of Free Will.
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I am a very recent Pastafarian. A friend of mine introduced me and I see that His Noodliness’s way is right, just, and down right piratey!
Now, you Christians that act like our religion is silly, because we worship His Noodliness (which apparently is weird) as opposed to the Bastard Jew Zombie Child. Is that right?
-GM
RAmen
P.S. I’m not insulting him when I say bastard, I’m using the ACTUAL definition.
May his noodly appendage touch you soon, FSM knows you need it.
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@ Karlitz,
If you’re really serious about converting, read The Open Letter, read the “About” tab material, and read Southern Ptarmigan’s comments at the bottom of the link:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=letters-may-2009&sc=DD_20090508
He is a truly sane Christian Evangelist.
RAmen
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Sorry, Karlitz, it’s only the tenth comment down the thread now.
RAmen
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The swipe at fundamentalists makes me think this guy might actually be a Pastafarian if he wasn’t such a nimrod.
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I nearly converted to Christianity not too long ago. But I wouldn’t cooperate with the Humor Bypass. How did I know it was a requirement. Thank FSM for His Own Perfect Self! He loves humor! And he goes so well with meatballs!
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Moron. Get a life.
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dude i dont care whose post this is but ramen to the fsm creators for making all these annoying bible thumpers get all up in a hissy… lmao great job guys
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why are you such a dick?
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I’m not so sure about the sanity, but at least I have a basic knowledge of English grammar to get me by. It’s not much, but it keeps me warm at night.
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I can’t even believe that that’s something that’s real.
Fred Simmons
Dojo Master
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You are more disturbing than the people who pray to the false gods. The real and only true god, creator of all, is a giant invisible pink elephant. He speaks to me regularly through the minions of tiny invisible angel pink elephants that circle our heads. Yours is but another false religion…Shame, Shame.
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You do realise its a joke. And you don’t sound sane, I would recommend the help of a specialist. Oh, and what’s a ‘cum delusional’.
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Its always awkward when one person in a room doesnt get a joke, but WOW. This is just sad.
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aw, man! i just wish christian websites had a hate mail section too. it makes me laugh how wound up people get!
cheers
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in the end i truly pity people like you (even if you are one of my main forms of entertainment) since unless you change your ways and become open minded and excepting of others differences you will be stuck with stale beer and VD infested hookers for all eternity. so please for the good of your soul mature a little. except that not everyone blindly follows what someone tells them.
RAmen
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hiiiii i have seen some pretty stupid religions but this is the stupidist i’ve ever seen!!! (sorry if i affend any of you crazy people) do u really believe in this stuff??? cuz if u really think theirs a god that looks like spaghetti and meatballs i’m sorry but i freakin ate you god for dinner last night. 2 bad looks like u’ll have 2 find something else 2 worship OR GET A LIFE!!!!!!
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Hi “tired of retards”. So what is your own stupid religion? You’re not a zombie-eating blood drinking vampire christian by any chance, are you? In that case, I ate your god and drank his blood when I was a child. Of course, I don’t do it anymore. I’d rather have pasta anytime.
RAmen
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@tired of retards #84
You might want to learn the language. For someone who calls us stupid, you’ve got a bit of the glass house thing going on. 74 words in your post. 10 misspellings, 8 capitalization failures (not counting the capslock bit), 3 punctuation failures, plus 7 idiotype substitutions. Also bonus fail points for not noticing the eat-your-god business that xians go through on a regular basis. If you want to call someone stupid, you should probably make sure you aren’t just calling attention to your own stupidity in the process. Come back when you grow a brain.
RAmen
ET
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tired of retards, how do you manage to get out of bed every day?;-)
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@tired of retards #84
You want striippers with STDs, don’t you? Come on, what if you are wrong!
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Ok U are a realy paranoid still sane person, and we dont care, have a nice day.
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What?
Can someone translate this for me please?
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Wait. Is that a question?
I’m not sure…. maybe it’s rhetorical. I’ll ask FSM if i should answer.
He says no.
His almightly noodliness has spoken.
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how come everyone who insults us is a perverted prick? it really speaks out for the christian community. Oh the irony.
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Ok everyone listen up!!!!!!!! Im surpized only two people have noticed this so far. #23 – Amused pointed it out first. before I explain I have to ask you to ignore the puncuation errors on the post. Ignored? Good. So as I was saying “fundamentalist cum delusional” actually means something when you take the Latin form of the word:
“Used in indicating a thing with two roles, functions, or natures, or a thing that has changed from one to another.”
Example: “He built a bus-cum-greenhouse (= he converted a bus to a greenhouse) that made a bold statement, but the plants in it didn’t live very long.”
So looking at it this way, we see that he ment that fundamentalist change into delusional (sick) people. I just wanted to shine some light on this post.
But alas he is still a fucking moron for not knowing this is satire…
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Oops…. Capitalize the b in before in line two and insert the word “cum” before the : in line 5
Not proof reading FTL :( /wrists
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You know… I think… I think… woosh *makes hand flying over head jesture*
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Was that a question, is this a question? If I leave no question mark at the end of such a sentance does that make it a question or a statement? Would anyone have to answer it
ALL HAIL THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!!!!
Please let his followers teach correct grammer and punctuation (preferably British English, we may spell queue in a strange way, but that’s what makes our version so interesting)
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SERIOUSLY!!!
If you belive in “GOD”, how on this Earth are you SANE???
Please let me know, because this is too FUNNY!!!
Ha Ha Ha
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It’s funny how all of these “Christians” who are supposed to be loving and caring and turning the other cheek, and not judging others are doing the exact opposite.
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“i think you’ll go hand to hand with all this stupid fundamentalist cum delusional sick which abounds in today’s world..i’m still sane..are you.”
Wow! QUOTE OF THE DAY AWARD! I feel that i can speak for all Pastafarians when i say that if you are the definition of sane, then sign me up for the insane boat! yes, the Insane Boat! A boat with hot wenches serving ice cold drafts and the FSM himself manning the helm! YAR HAR HAR! A PIRATES LIFE FER’ ME! the air be crisp and the sea be calm! a fine day for being a pirate!
QQ<~
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What’s for lunch? Ahhhrgh! Pasta again, my favorite! Who wants to make the blessing?
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Karlitz (rhymes with tart tits), you only think you’re still sane. The Holy Chocolate Farting Dude gives the illusion of sanity to idiots like you so that you will continue to spew out stupid rants. He hates bullshit but loves the bullshitter. Fall on your knees and worship the Chocolate Farting Dude before it’s too late. Salvation through acceptance of the Chocolate Farting Dude as your personal savior will allow you to spend eternity in Hershey, Pennsylvania. May you be surrounded by His moist, overwhelming, brown, flatulent vapors.
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