What a great way to invest your time and I really appreciate your sense of humor. Sadly, there is a human emotion, or response called “regret.” For example, a drunk driver wakes up in a jail cell with no memory of the night before. He is walked over in hand cuffs to a “service window” and told he is being booked or vehicular man slaughter. It turns out he ran a red light, struck a SUV with a family of 5, killing 2 children under the age of 5.
The joy you receive running this web site is probably pretty big. I’m sure you love the ignorant hate mail you receive or the attention from other joy seeking worldly people.
My question to you is, do you consider yourself a good person? On the day of judgment when you’re standing in front of a Holy and righteous God, how will you fare? What kind of remorse do you think you, and others you may be leading away from God will feel when they are turn away from the gates of Heaven and cast in to the pits of Hell for not repenting for the Sin we are all guilty for? You have you ever lied, stolen or committed adultery within your heart?
I don’t honestly believe that you’re going to reply with some miracle response that says “yes, you’re right I will repent and follow Jesus.” Do yourself a favor. Do some research and really consider what you’re basing the fate and existence of your eternal soul on. If you decide to follow your current path, good luck friend. If you find yourself with even the slightest doubt of the certainty of your eternal soul then I suggest you pick up your Bible, read it and do what it says.
God Bless,
Nick
Good fun, at what cost?
Published by Bobby Henderson April 4th, 2009 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 244 Comments
244 Responses to “Good fun, at what cost?”
Nick,
There are 613 commandments, failure to follow any one of them will send you to Gehenna. The last ham and cheese sandwich that you ate will do it, Mister self righteousness.
http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~altemey/
RAmen
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At what cost? You pathetic, ignorant, moron. Our point is the first amendment, which Christians everywhere seem to ignore. This whole idea of FSM is way over your head. At what cost will I defend the Constitution of the United States? At any.
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Holy toledo, that’s a stretch, comparing this website to a drunk driver who runs over people.
It’s so funny how “righteous” people think they have to go “save” everyone from “eternal damnation”. Funny how many of these so-called righteous people turn out to be such hypocrites. They can’t even look at their own deeds yet have no problem pointing fingers at everyone else. So judgemental this poster is…
Sadly they are so wrapped up in their own mythology they fail to see anything beyond it. And lack the ability to laugh at themselves.
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Dear Nick.
While it was nice of you to worry about me, you needn’t have bothered. When I experience even the slightest doubt of the certainty of my eternal soul, I typically turn to Buddhism, or Taoism, or occasionally the teachings of Ma’at. The Bible just never seemed to really cover it.
Thanks for trying though.
Ron.
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I can’t wait to go see our noodly master in Heaven. The beer volcano and stripper factory will make me the happiest person ever!
On a less religious note, you entirely missed the point of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Pastafarianism. Please, Read your bible, and like nick said, realize your mistakes before you Judge others.
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Of course, this is all assuming that the FSM is not the almighty benevolent father of all underneath his appendages. When the day comes that you drink stale beer and perform menial tasks for us, you will regret not accepting your noodly father before.
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Ask the people of Binghamton about your Holy and Righteous god.
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I do not have a Bible to pick up and read. I am offended that you would think that everyone would have your specific religious text in their homes.
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If we read the bible, Nick should read The God Delusion
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Nick,
Are you seriously trying to equate, on a moral level, the fans of a web site devoted to satirizing the excesses of religious belief, with those who kill as a byproduct of alcohol consumption? Is this really your argument? You might as well have called us Nazis, or Commies, or terrorists, as that’s the popular demonizing term of the past few years.
I can’t speak for fellow pastafarians, but I’d guess that we’re not murderers and criminals, as you’d clearly argue. Well, except for the plundering and looting we practice as part of our constitutionally protected religious beliefs, but that’s really only meant in good fun, you know. I would hazard that we all render unto Caesar that which we’re required, and to your god all that which he is due, which is to say, nothing. That is, of course, because there is zero evidence your god exists.
When you can explain how your god, who, in his Holy Spirit costume, impregnated a young woman so she could give birth to sweet baby Jesus, who by the way, is ALSO god (said storyline wouldn’t make it onto prime time network television, would it?) then feel free to criticize us about the adultery we commit in our minds. (I mean, come on – forcing yourself on your OWN mother, so she can give birth to you? Sick.)
When you can explain the irrational positions many Xtian leaders take on issues of modern science, positions that put people in harm’s way, or force on them burdens they needn’t bear, then feel free to criticize us about leading people astray. (Pope Benedict XVI comes to mind, along with a few thousands others. Perhaps Pope Benedict XVI should be Pope Benedict Arnold, as he’s betrayed millions of his followers with his irrational stances on birth control.)
When you can prove the existence of the soul, then feel free to tell us we’re risking ours with our beliefs. (Supposedly we’ve all got one, so it shouldn’t be that difficult, should it?)
In other words, take a page from the beliefs you clearly hold so dear, and stop casting stones until you’ve demonstrated you and yours are sinless.
RAmen.
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I used to be afraid of the (remote) possibility of divine punishment for my non-belief, until high school, when I came to the following conclusions: If there is no God, there is no Hell, and so I should not be worried. If there is a God but he/she/it is benevolent, basically good people (people who follow the law, try to be nice, give to charity, ect…) will not go to Hell just for non-belief, and so I should not be worried. If there is a God and he/she/it is malevolent enough to send basically good people to Hell for non-belief, then everybody should be worried, because there is no way to to know if the “correct” faith is Christian or Muslim, Protestant, or Catholic, or even something human beings haven’t discovered yet. If that is the case, then there is a very good chance that we are all going to Hell, so I might as well life my one and only life on Earth as well as I can (which is what I am doing). That was over ten years ago, and not only am I a lot happier now (and I think a better person as a result), I have yet to meet anyone who can demonstrate where my logic is faulty. Can you? RAmen, and I hope you don’t live the rest of your one and only life on Earth in fear of a event that will probably never come.
-Sarah
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Hey Nick,
You hit the nail right on the head-at least in part. I do enjoy reading the stupid hate mail from patronizing trolls, and yours is a good example. Without you guys life would be pretty boring.
My question to you is, do you consider yourself a good person? On the day of judgment when you’re standing in front of a His Noodly Goodness, how will you fare? What kind of remorse do you think you, and others you may be leading away from the the Flying Spaghetti Monster will feel when they are turned away from the the beer volcano and getting stuck with diseased strippers for not repenting for the Sin we are all guilty for? You have you ever lied, stolen or committed adultery within your heart?
I don’t honestly believe that you’re going to reply with some miracle response that says “yes, you’re right I will repent and follow the true prophet, Bobby Henderson.” Do yourself a favor. Do some research and really consider what you’re basing your fate and the dogma of existence of an eternal soul on. If you decide to follow your current path, good luck friend. If you find yourself with even the slightest doubt of the certainty of your bronze age dogma then I suggest you pick up the gospel of the FSM, read it and do what it says.
Your brother in Noodliness.
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Oh, brother…
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Numbers 25, baby! Gotta kill off all those folks in mixed-race marriages, or we’ll all be killed in (yet another) YHVH-sent plague!
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WTF is an eternal soul, and where can I get one? Sounds rather delicious, though I think it’d give me an upset stomach. Actually, I’d much rather munch on some SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS.
Done.
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Check the “have preached at FSM followers” box, Nick. Pat yourself on the back. Jeebus says “you done good.”
Now watch your butt on the way out: that door has a vicious backswing.
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Dibs on the penthouse suite in hell!!!
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I can only speak for myself, but I have done far less in my life to have regret for, including accepting the touch of his noodley appendage than MANY christian LEADERS have. I feel no hate in my heart for anyone. how many followers of jesus can say that? Now say it outside an women’s health clinic. ARRGGHHH!!!!!
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Nick’s a well-learned Christian. He used the “Are you a Good Person” argument followed by a drawn out rendition of Pascal’s Wager.
So, Nick, I have one question for you: what if *you’re* the wrong one? What if *you* find yourself simply not existing after you die? You’ve got one life, Nick. Seems kinda dumb to waste it on the assumption that some Magic Man in the Sky is telling you how to live.
Get over your religiously self-imposed guilt and enjoy the one life you have.
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My question is simple, what if you are wrong? What if we are right? What if the Hindu are right? What if the Muslim are right? What if you just belong to the wrong sect of Christianity and for this you will spend eternity burning in Hell? If your God is truly the jealous, vengeful, ignorant dictator he is portrayed as in the bible I would rather be forever in agony than give him the pleasure of my submission.
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What’s the matter?We all will go to hell,ok.And?
It’s not your problem,you should not care about that.Do what you want to win your ticket to heaven ans leave us believe FSM.
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What a great way to invest your time and I really appreciate your sense of humour. Sadly, there is a human emotion, or response called “regret.” For example, a drunk driver wakes up in a jail cell with no memory of the night before. He is walked over in hand cuffs to a “service window” and told he is being booked or vehicular man slaughter. It turns out he ran a red light, struck a SUV with a family of 5, killing 2 children under the age of 5.
The joy you receive running the church is probably pretty big. I’m sure you love to reply “no, your proof is wrong” to anything that contradicts your god or the attention from other stupid people who believe in it.
My question to you is, do you consider yourself a good person? On the day of judgment when you’re standing in front of a Holy and righteous Flying Spaghetti Monster, how will you fare? What kind of remorse do you think you, and others you may be leading away from the Flying Spaghetti Monster will feel when they are turned away from the gates of Heaven and must drink stale beer and “enjoy” STD-infected strippers for not thinking?
I don’t honestly believe that you’re going to reply with some miracle response that says “yes, you’re right I will repent and follow the Flying Spaghetti Monster.” Do yourself a favour. Do some research and really consider what you’re basing the fate and existence of your eternal soul on. If you decide to follow your current path, good luck friend. If you find yourself with even the slightest doubt of the certainty of your eternal soul then I suggest you pick up the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, read it and do what it says.
Arr,
Jochem
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Admit it, you are that drunk driver, right? I only ‘regret’ that when you die you will rot in the ground like the rest of us, and your whole life will have been a sham.
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bla bla bla GUILT bla bla bla GUILT bla bla bla!
Sorry Nick, with Pastafarians, it does NOT work this way anymore!
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@ Nick
If there is such a thing as the Xtian God, then I think he’d see through conversion “just in case”. So dont waste your time.
Fear is no reason to believe – using fear to control is the definition of terrorism.
@ #1 Plumberbob
I’ve seen you post that link several times citing it as the sort of thing we are fighting against – i’ve read the site outline and the intro to the e-book – it seems to be anti-authoritarian, warning us to keep an eye on those that govern because ultimately they should answer to us and not the other way around.
Perhaps you’ve read the book and he’s totally unhinged, but the sentiment seems spot on to me…
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Dear Nick,
Thanks for your concern. As I’m a decent, law-abiding, moral and darned nice person, I wouldn’t worry too much about my immortal soul. I’m sure if there is a Judgement Day, I’ll beat quite a few of your fellow churchgoers on god’s point system of who’s lived a better life. I also wouldn’t call myself a “Joy-seeker” so much a Life-Liver. I’m living my life as I’m pretty certain it’s the only one I’m going to get. I worry that you, Nick, may be wasting beautiful opportunities to properly enjoy this world you think your god created because you’re so certain you’ll have a better one after you’re dead. Now, doesn’t that seem silly to you? Doesn’t it seem disrespectful to the creator?
As far as research, I wonder just how much you’ve questioned and researched the other side of the argument. Our side. Why don’t non-believers believe? It’s not because we’re ignorant, most of us weren’t raised Atheist, we came to that conclusion ourselves. Why don’t you challenge yourself, and your faith, and find out why. If your faith is strong and true then there’s no danger in obtaining your coveted afterlife.
Why don’t you go put your coat on and enjoy this beautiful day and stop worrying about everyone else’s souls, and just be content with enriching your own.
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Awww, aint that cute. Another damn x-tian worried about my soul. Once you stop concerning yourself with the magical beliefs of the wandering nomadic peoples of the bronze age, the threats of eternal damnation are a joke! So please do not bother with the likes of me, and many here…we just dont believe in magic and honestly I have to wonder about those who do.
There are other “good” books out there, they are known as encyclopedias!
Learn something today! Drag your dumb asses into the age of information and try to aquire some logical thinking skills along the way. I of course realise this may be impossible for most of you bible thumping dingbats, but can you at least try? While your kind are worried about our salvation, we are worried about your ability to get your food into your bible quoting pie hole…and dont forget to breathe!
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Pick up the bible and do what it says? What? Do you mean stone people to death who work on Sundays? Does that include all the Medical staff down at the Hospial? Clarification please.
The point you miserably fail to see is that I am not going to waste any of my time considering what is going to happen on Judgement Day because it’s all a load of tosh and I don’t believe a word of it, it aint gonna happen. If you want to believe it, then good for you, I wish you well, now go away and bother someone else.
RAmen
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Hmm. Our budget from Rutgers is $500, so I’d say that’s the cost!
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The whole point of the FSM thing is to show that ID isn’t somethimng to be taught in schools and that FSM is just as likely as God.
And plus, does God really care what you believe in (religiously, cosmically) when you commit a (supposed) sin.
What’s more, If FSMism is wrong (which for those who have been touched by his noodly appendage deny) then what makes your religion any better?
We have one life so we’d better make the most of it, not follow unproven god with no evidence.
Flying Spaghetti Monster bless,
Anon
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Fusillier, the Bible doesn’t order us to stone people to death if they work on Sundays; it orders us to stone people to death if they work on Saturdays.
And that includes Saturday people who jog or gather sticks for a campfire.
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Too tired to write much, but at least he attempted to write a competent letter instead of the, “R U SRIUS? GOD WILL SMTE YOU IF YOU DON FOLLOW HIM. FUCK Y’ALL,” we usually get.
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Honestly? You’re asking what i’d do if I was ever in front of your “god”?
Wow. Okay, let me try.
I’d swear at the son of a bitch first, then i’d probably try my absolute hardest to kill him and rid the world of some fucked up, self-righteous, genocidal son of a bitch. And that’s me being nice.
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It’s always interested and surprised me that religious types believe that they behave decently and that their “decent behaviour” follows from their religion. The rest of that line says that if you DON’T buy their horseshit you can’t possibly lead a righteous life. Nick (Old Nick????) is pretty representative of a better class of bigots who actually couldn’t be helped by the Bible if they took their own sanctimonious advice. What’s thwe phrase – couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel?
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At least it’s refreshing to see someone who is well-spoken, articulate, and not spewing hate everywhere
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@ Nick, Although we appreciate your concern, it’s not necessary. We don’t believe in your God, Heaven or Hell.
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And, what will your response be when Zeus, the Almighty judges you for not believing in him.
No evidence = no evidence for your (or any) god.
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Actually, if there is this all-seeing sky fairy, I think that he would praise bobby for adding humour to “his creation.”
Or, most likely, this is all we get so enjoy it while we are here.
“There probably is no god, so enjoy yourself.”
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Do what the Bible says?! You have apparently not read the Bible very much and I am certain that you would never do what it says. Why am I so certain? Because you would be imprisoned early in your quest because so many of the acts recommended in the Bible are now illegal.
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I am sorry, but you all have been misinformed about the pastafarian hell.
The beer is cold, the strippers beautiful as well as in heaven.
In hell your mug has a hole and the strippers don’t.
RAmen brothers (and sisters)
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It sounds like your message is a peaceful one, Nick, and I think we can all respect that. Thank you! It’s refreshing not to be inundated with “UR GOIN 2 HELLZ, MUTHAFUCKAHZ! CAN’T WAIT 2 WATCH U BURN 4 ALL ETERNITEEZ!” However… What makes you so sure you’ve got all the right answers? I’m sure you realize how many different beliefs there are on this planet, and that most everybody believes their own beliefs just as strongly as you believe yours. So what makes you right, and them wrong? Because your book says so? Because your elders say so? Because your religious leaders say so? Because you “know so in your heart”? That’s the exact same answer everybody else has. So what makes you any different?
Do you realize that the chances of your belief system being the correct one are very, very, VERY low? Astronomically low, even? Only one system can be correct… So even if we assume that somebody on Earth DOES have all the right answers (unlikely), the chances of that being you are, well, (considering the fact that very few of us have identical beliefs), a rough estimate…. 1 in about a billion. 1 in a billion, dude. You have a better chance of getting hit by lightning 2000 times in a row than you do of being right about your religion.
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If yaweh were truely kind he wouldn’t care how devout we’ve been. He wouldn’t care what we’ve done, if we’ve stolen, lied, or gotten a DUI. He’ll just care about the virtue of our lives. That is what will get you into the heaven of a truely kind god.
RAmen
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Dear Nicholas,
Thank you for expressing concern about the immortal souls of Pastafarians. However, they are few in number. You should focus on the two thirds of the earth’s population of 6 billion who are not Christians. That’s 4 billion more souls destined to spend eternity in Hell.
Dad can’t keep expanding Hell indefinitely; you know, there are zoning restrictions and problems with infrastructure. The energy required to maintain Hell’s high temperature is exorbitant and growing. In the last millenium alone, He had to add a billion new black holes to convert matter into thermal energy. The rate of expansion of hell must be slowed.
We are counting on you. Please spread the joyful word of salvation. We are giving you a quota of one billion converts for fiscal year 2009. Stop picking on the Pastafarians and get your ass over to India and the Middle East where infidels are abundant and conversions are seriously needed. Go with Our Blessings.
Yours Eternally,
INRI
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If I did as the bible says I will be in prison quicker than you can say aaarrrggghhh mee hearties
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Nick, I believe the magic word in your your little rant is ‘research’.
Some of us have indeed done a little ‘research’ and do you know what we found out?
Go on, guess.
Oh, ok, I’ll tell you.
We found out by reasearching that there has never, ever, ever been one iota of proof that your silly god and his son, Cheesus, ever existed.
Now I don’t doubt that you and many like you believe in the existence of some sort of skygod and that is your entitlement.
My 3 year old daughter believes in Santa and here’s the funny bit, there is just as much evidence that Santa flys around the World on Xmas eve delivering presents to children as there is of your god doing whatever it is he is supposed to do.
The difference is that by the time my daughter grows up she will have long realised that there is a big difference between fantasy and fact.
When are you planning to grow up and join those of us who live on Planet reality?
Sadly, you probably have no plans to. It’s understandable to a certain extent that some people are scared to face mortality or the fact that no-one is watching them from above. They feel secure about thinking they are not in charge of their destiny and therefore not responsible as their god has planned it all out for them.
What they are missing out on, however, is freedom. Religious people are imprisoned by their faith. They are in chains. You can never fully understand the joy and heartache of being alive unless you fully appreciate that this really is the only life you have.
So, I implore you, Nick, open your eyes. Embrace life, not death as your religion encourages you to. You should do some research my friend. The World could be a wonderful place if everybody threw off their religious shackles and realised we need to love and cherish our planet and each other, not some manmade ghost in the sky.
As a good man once said, ‘imagine there’s no heaven, it’s easy if you try, no hell below us, above us only sky’. I think you know the rest.
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Yes, you’re right!! I will repent and follow Jebus!!All my life has been wasted until this moment of revelation! Thanks Nick, you have helped save my immortal soul and …oh, I can’t keep writing this drivel.Bye.
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@ – BB79 #25,
I’ve read the book, and I find his analysis of the authoritarian personality to match very nicely with several extremely conservative political and/or religious people whom I have known. Those people, several of whom I have grown up with, are minimally educated and maximally opinionated about difficult and complex subjects; their answers to problems are simple and simplistic. I will paraphrase H.L. Mencken’s remark that For every complex and difficult problem there is a simple, easy solution … that is wrong. Bob Altmeyer is a U. Manitoba researcher whose specialty is this Authoritarian personality that we see so much in U.S. politics and religion. I don’t think that he’s unhinged, but he is certainly opinionated; I believe that his opinions are backed by his research findings. I think that you’ll enjoy his book.
RAmen
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Wow. You really are an idiot, aren’t you? You have NO RIGHT to force your religion on to others. You have a right, however, to remain silent, I suggest you do so, and make the rest of our worlds easier.
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I can honestly say that I have never committed adultery within my heart.
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FInally someone who understands the concept of FREE WILL! Besides has anyone checked the History Channel lately? let’s see holy wars started by Christians, WW II started by crazy Christian who hated another religion, etc. It is such an interesting trend that such a holy religious set of people can cause so much unhappiness in the world. At least FSM has not asked me / us to kill for him in his name or judge others for their “sins.”
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