well you really have people fooled bitch, er. i mean, bastard, errr….Bobby!
you are obviously a satan whore who hypnotises kids into believing in this shit. do you burn down noodle restruants too? does bobby mean “douche bag” in “pussyfarian” or i mean “pastafarian”?
i hope you proud of your self douche bag, you and who ever created “jedism” and “invisible pink unicorn.” go get fucking laid instead of worshiping your next meal!
Jesus will have no mercy on you fuckers and you will be stuck on earth during the apocacalypes.
heres the real 8 commandments of “pastafarians”
1. i will be a fucker every day
2. i will stay single until i am laid by the fsm
3. paint useless pictures of naked men being “touched” by a hunk of noodles.
4. do my self
5. worship noodles
6. fill kids mind with shit
7. blow off christians
8. most important! burn in hell like a constipated jackass–F
well you really have people fooled
Published by Bobby Henderson March 31st, 2009 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 231 Comments
231 Responses to “well you really have people fooled”
“1. i will be a fucker every day”
Well, not every day…but as many times I like.
“2. i will stay single until i am laid by the fsm”
Oops…too late, I’m already married.
“3. paint useless pictures of naked men being “touched” by a hunk of noodles”.
Would naked men being touched by bearded old sky-daddies do?
“4. do my self”
Now that is kind of hard to do, isn’t it.
“5. worship noodles”
Much more tasty than worshipping cadavers and blood (eucharist)
“6. fill kids mind with shit”
Far better than sodomising them, like many Christian priests do.
“7. blow off christians”
Christians would not want that, not even if we did. Is that not prohibited in your religion?
“8. most important! burn in hell like a constipated jackass”
That would only happen if God is a jackass vengeful shit with an inferiority complex and an urge to prove himself as a Rambo God. Enjoy your stale beer and STD-infested strippers in your afterlife.
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Hello F,
Tell mommy to stop feeding you speed.
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Okay F, #1 Spell Check,Spell Check,Spell Check. Ask a grown up what it is and how to use it.
#2 When your English teacher starts explaining punctuation and grammar to you, stop picking your nose and wiping it under your desk and LISTEN.
#3 Be proud, you are a splendid example of Christian educational values.
Thank you F for helping to make me feel intellectually and ethically superior to millions of people.
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“you and who ever created “jedism””
umm… George Lucas wasn’t it? I mean he didn’t realy expect people to start folllowing it, but then again, neither did Bobby…
“go get fucking laid”
well that sentence was incredibly redundant.
not to mention some pastafairians are kids, and some are already married.
hey everyone! let’s count how many swear words he sliped in that have no relevance to the message! I think my brain just imploded!
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Hi F!
Thanks for your lucid and constructive comments. Never, I mean NEVER, have I seen such a lucid and well thought out ad hominem argument.
I’m convinced! I am a newborn lamb given to the shepherd Jesus and await the rapture with you. Hey, maybe we could be rapture buddies? Lets fly up together to join the vengeful Jesus. Won’t it be fun to watch with holy glee as the he brings oblivion to the earth and smites the sinners below (in his infinite compassion and mercy).
Thanks also for educating me! I didn’t realise before that quoting sinful terms and concepts prevents the writer being tainted with them! I will, in the name of Jesus, gladly use other people’s words to call heathens, “fornicators”, “intellectuals”, “reasoners” and “pastafarians” all the while knowing I’m safe from being tainted for used the words myself!!!!
F, an intellect such as yours can only have reched it’s present position by standing on the shoulders of intellectuals such as Ray “Banana” Comfort and Kirk Cameron.
I “love you” (note the quotes, that stops me being gay right, because it’s someone else speaking).
Dan
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I’m pretty sure it’s come up before but honestly, what’s wrong with worshipping your next meal? It is one of the few worshippable (?) things in life (apart from a good fling and a great guitar solo).
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Well, that is such an immature backwoods illiterate x-tian hate mail…
Im not sure it is worthy of a thoughtful reply.
“apocacalypes” LOL!
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Wow! With all that venom aimed at a made up religion, is it any wonder that some people hate real ones with even more rancor? He must have missed that whole “God is love” and “love your enemies” lesson in Sunday school.
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Verreee interesting…. Ze master, Sigmund Freud, would have diagnosed ze trauma of ze pet hamster sexually abusing ze patient at ze early Oedipan retentive stage. Not curable, I think.
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“Jesus will have no mercy on you fuckers and you will be stuck on earth during the apocacalypes.”
Who is this Jesus guy you are referring to? All non pastafarian people are blasphemies who hold no significance over us. Only our noodly master is the one true God, we have a profit who says so and books to prove it. That’s good enough for me, and besides the direct correlation between the shrinking number of pirates and the rise in global temperatures is so obvious even a person of an inferior faith can see it. Good news the recent rise of piracy off the coast of Somalia has caused the average temp of the world to hold steady for the last 9 years. It’s a miracle, praise your noodly master!!
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Yes. A pastafarian painted that “naked man.” No other religion would be gay enough to display such images.
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We’re flattered that you think that Bobby is talented enough to paint half of the Creation of Adam by Michealangelo.
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Read the section “about” before you post, please
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Wow! What a hate-filled entry! I like how Jesus will have no mercy on us fuckers! That’s the Christian way, I tells ya!
RAmen.
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Best hate mail EVER! More fuel for the fire to show how “love, peace and forgiveness” aren’t always in the front of a “Christian’s” mind. Bravo, F, bravo!
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You do realize there is as much and/or less proof of your God as there is of mine? Jesus was nothing more than a man and The Holy Spirit is a chronic masturbator. And although I will overlook some of the filth in your typo ridden message, I will not overlook the misspelling of the word Apocalypse. Cut it out. If you want to be a fart in a jar, fine by me, but at least have the common decency to type like a big boy.
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Thanks for the Christian love, brother.
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Warrior Jesus declares war!
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And also with you.
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Holy moley, do you pray to your suspiciously quiet god with that mouth?
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Capitalization (or lack thereof)… check.
Vulgarity… check.
Gay sex references… checkeroonie.
Misspellings… oh sweet Spaghetti Monster, check.
l33t-speak… oddly, no.
Overall rating: Troll. But at least a mildly amusing one.
Recommendations: Immediate mocking followed by catapulting into a volcano.
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Um, how do constipated jackasses burn? Are constipated people damned to hell? Where is that in the bible?
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Way to stay classy! and do any other members here notice that it’s always the Christians that don’t get what we are doing? Is there a lack of education or deductive reasoning that makes them fail to grasp the significance?
Yaaaarrrr!
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It’s fake. Must be. No one can be such a moron.
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Another completely clueless moron fails to understand his/her own religion, and ours as well. One can only hope this person does not reproduce. It never ceases to amaze me how few brain cells people can have and still remain alive. Too bad this cretin will never be able to have an intelligent discussion with anyone, but then that’s really almost a prerequisite for someone displaying this level of ignorance.
RAmen
ET
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Yea boy, I sure am a brainwashed lunkhead.
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HAHAHA!!!!! are fucking kidding me?! this is the funniest shit i’ve ever seen. i neither support this fsm religion or any other but seriously!!! haha what is this shit some sort or delusion mixed with a pasta fetish. lol. but seriously i read this shit and laughed so hard i nearly pissed my pants. HAHAHA. i came across this while i was looking at debate topics. man am i lucky to have this bullshit. i REALLY needed a good laugh. haha. you fuckers are hileroius. later
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Surely there’s better hate mail than this. Bobby can you please give us the good quality stuff, this is just lame.
ramen
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Wow. How original!
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Hey F,
I already responded to you on the thread where you first posted, so I am not going to repeat myself.
However, now that you have been honored with your own thread, I wonder if you will come back to defend your piece of literature or you will be a coward hit and run like most of our trolls.
RAmen
PS: You may want to put the meth pipe down for a few hours and go see a psychoanalyst. This degree of obsession with sex is not normal. You need to open up to someone about your Freudian repressions.
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Wow, that’s a lot of hostility you are dealing with there, F. Do you kiss your bible with that potty mouth?
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HAHhahhaHAhaHaaHHAaaaaHahahaHAHaaHaHahhaA
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
first legitimate laugh I have ever laughed via internet
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“well you really have people fooled bitch, er. i mean, bastard, errr….Bobby!”
HAHAHAHA, that’s a really funny joke, F. I can’t believe how incredibly owned Bobby must feel.
“you are obviously a satan whore who hypnotises kids into believing in this shit.”
Erm… Dude, stay off the LSD.
“do you burn down noodle restruants too?”
No, they are sacred.
“does bobby mean “douche bag” in “pussyfarian” or i mean “pastafarian”?”
OMG, another one of these clever puns!
“i hope you proud of your self douche bag, you and who ever created “jedism” and “invisible pink unicorn.””
I hope Bobby’s proud of himself as well. He deserves it for creatinmg such an awesome religion. George Lucas and Steve Eley may be proud of themselfs too.
“go get fucking laid instead of worshiping your next meal!”
I’d rather do both, if that’s OK with you.
“Jesus will have no mercy on you fuckers and you will be stuck on earth during the apocacalypes.”
Lucky for you, the FSM isn’t bat shit insane, and you will go the the afterlife as well. There will be (stale) beer and (infected) strippers for you too.
“heres the real 8 commandments of “pastafarians”
1. i will be a fucker every day”
I thought that is a christian commandment?
“2. i will stay single until i am laid by the fsm”
Does that mean you were laid by your god (and were single before that)?
“3. paint useless pictures of naked men being “touched” by a hunk of noodles.”
Does that mean you paint pictures of naked men being “touched” by an invisible bearded guy?
“4. do my self”
If you mean masturbate by that, then yes, every now and then.
“5. worship noodles”
Yep.
“6. fill kids mind with shit”
Another one that seems to belong in the christian commandments.
“7. blow off christians”
Does that mean you blow off pastafarians?
“8. most important! burn in hell like a constipated jackass”
Let’s assume you’re right, and your insane, bigoted, power-hungry god is real. In that case, I’d rather be in Hell with other normal people then in heaven with the bunch of inbred genetic defectifes you people claim will go to heaven.
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I know he’s a semi-literate zombie-jew worshiper, but damn, I work on pirate ships – do these people have any idea how well women love pirates, particularly those of us who run around with knives, rope, chains and a willingness to use them?
I love my life.
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I see your god has taught you to “love thy neighbor” none too well.
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Do you really know your religion?Jesus will have no mercy..hahaha!
Remember what he said about the adulterian woman.
Incredible,a pastafarian forced to teach chriastianism to a christian.You should read your holly book more carefully.
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I have to admit, I didn’t enjoy reading this hate mail nearly as much as I did the previous one, the one that just said “TWAT”.
Oh, and I didn’t know that constipation causes you to burn in hell. Furthermore, be glad that your puny god doesn’t consider misspelling a deadly sin, or you’d be in wee bit of a trouble.
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… What in the nine blazes is that, anyway? I seriously don’t understand whether this supposed hate-mailer is actually serious or really that stupid… My doubt comes from the blend of technically intelligent references to source-criticism, which the mailer gallantly neglects to apply to himself, or giving any sign at all of actually understanding.
Another testosterone-laden pre-teen, maybe?
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hey ! I am a french pastafarian and I don’t have any idea of what “douche bags” means (obviously this is insulting but I ‘d like to know how to replace it properly in a conversation). It will be nice of you if somebody could help me with that
Sincerely yours
Coquillette
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Hmmmm…F…I wonder what that could stand for
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Please write us again, I could not stop laughing for the last 10 minutes
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Here are the 10 commandments of Christians:
1.Idolize a selfish, violent god and be narrowminded about other religions.
2.No god-damn fucking swearing or God will strike you with lightning. But you broke that one already.
3.Ruin your Sundays by worshiping a giant non-existant being in the sky so you don’t have to take responsibility for your actions.
4.Honor the people who slept together to create you, because that night they humped eachother was holy.
5.Do not hurt other people, even though some of you enjoy killing in the name of God.
6.Don’t sleep with someone who you aren’t married to. Even though you just married them because they’re good in bed.
7.Give your will to someone. If they don’t accept, push it upon them until they have to.
8.Do not lie. Tell the truth, ESPECIALLY if it crushes the soul of the person you aren’t lying to.
9.Don’t attept to live the American dream or better yourself.
10.Ditto. Wanting stuff is a sin, so bleed every time you want something. You’ll stop one day.
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i still go for strippers and wine…i quit beer because i was afraid to get a beer belly…still like the strippers though.
Speaking of! the other day I went with my bf to a titty bar…I think i found the strippers that will be “entertaining” the non-FSM-believers. They were boring as hell!!! er. I mean, heaven…
big asses, big titties…small brains.
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Rampant cussing, grammar and spelling errors, aspersions on our sexuality, apparently sent by a Xtian: it’s a classic!
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Many of you have not read your holy book, either. In chapter two, section three,, last Q&A on page 64, Bobby Henderson clearly states, in response to the question “What about atheist and the followers of other religions-heathens-will these people go to Hell?” by saying “No, but they may not be allowed into the best areas of FSM Heaven…”
Also, as is stated somewhere in the forums, only the truly bad people go to FSM Hell, with STD/VD infected strippers and stale beer, such as murderers, and people who break the serious Eight I’d Really Rather You DIdn’ts.
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Fooled? What are you talking about? If you had bothered to read our “about us” section, you’d see that we are completely up front about our beliefs and intentions. Do you write hate-mail to the creators of South Park condemning them for “fooling” people into believing that Jesus runs a public access show out of Colorado and Satan was engaged in a gay love affair with Saddam Hussein? Honestly, try reading a little bit, and you won’t find yourself “fooled” so often.
-Sarah
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I thought about trying to define this piece of American street language for you but you’re right, it’s insulting, and I’ll just give you this link which lists many pages of definitions:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=douche+bag
RAmen
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F,do you think your saviour Cheesus was homosexual? I only ask because he never married and liked to sleep rough(dogging?) with many men who had large quantities of facial hair.
If Cheesus and his special friends came back would they be like The Village People? I always thought ‘You Can’t Stop The Music’ was a better song than ‘Y.M.C.A’, what song do you think Cheesus preferred?
Or maybe he preferred scat.;-)
Also, I shit on your outdated skygod and his poorly written, error strewn, contradiction filled, hateful bible.
Now kindly fuck off.
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wooooooow. you know F, you’re completely right. this changed my whole perspective on shit !! if you get to treat people like that i’m gonna be a christian !! look out people with different views as me im coming at you !!
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@ French Pasta # 10. The term “douche bag” is a reference to a device used to clean a vagina. Being a guy, I’m not entirely sure if this thing actually ever existed or if it did, how a woman would use one. It is basically a derogatory term used as an insult. Hope that helps you out. I have found that it is generally a phrase used by the less educated.
Here I am enjoying a great spaghetti dinner with a really good beer and I run across this idiots rant. I almost had noodles come out of my nose. If I wasn’t so comfy right now I’d have a really nasty response. I guess that’s just the noodly ones way of saying “live and let live’.
Ah, there’s nothing like having a full belly of really good pasta and beer. I’m sure you’ll all agree.
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