I’ve tried

Published November 11th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

I’ve tried giving evidence for God.
I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.
I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.
I’ve tried kindness.
I’ve tried condemning you.
I’ve tried offering you salvation.
My patience is expired with you all.
I have only one question for you all.
Why do hate God so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His existence. Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts. My God is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving. Yet still, you curse Him with every word. Everything He hates, you love. Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love! All you do to me is mock me. You never give evidence, you only call yourselves enlightened for your lack of faith. God warns that heathens offer freedom,pleasure,and knowledge, but they are lying. I have offered you eternal life, and you have cursed me. I do not curse you, nor your choices,nor any horrid sin you do. I cry for you. I will weep in the presence of God because of you, and because i could not save of you a single soul. So, my sinful,fallen companions i leave you today with just one question. Why?
May Christ Jesus, The One True God, have mercy on you my friends.
-Christian



381 Responses to “I’ve tried”

1 42 43 44 45 46 48
  1. ex-Possible Convert says:

    God hates sex? Now that’s a new one!

  2. Brian says:

    What if you replaced “God” with “FSM”?

    “I’ve tried giving evidence for FSM.
    I’ve tried telling you the benefits of FSM.
    I’ve tried telling you there is no Hell.
    I’ve tried kindness.
    I’ve tried offering you salvation.
    My patience is expired with you all.
    I have only one question for you all.
    Why do hate FSM so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His noodly existence. Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts. FSM is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving. Yet still, you curse Him with every word. Everything He hates, you love. War,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love! All you do to me is mock me. You never give evidence, you only call yourselves enlightened for your lack of faith. FSM warns that Christians offer freedom,pleasure,and knowledge, but they are lying. I have offered you eternal life, and you have cursed me. I do not curse you, nor your choices,nor any horrid sin you do. I cry for you. I will weep in the presence of FSM because of you, and because i could not save of you a single soul. So, my sinful,fallen companions i leave you today with just one question. Why?
    May FSM, The One True God, have mercy on you my friends.
    -Rastafarian”

    I’m sure I could do better, but I don’t have much time.
    I think a great big RAmen is in order here. LOL!

  3. ultra cynic says:

    Judge not lest ye be judged christian… wait isn’t that passing a judgment? Just a circular thought.

  4. rumhead says:

    1: we do not give evidence, either you consider us a valid religion, in which case we have massive lots of evidence (like, we have a lot of sightings and such) Or you consider us a group of atheists. In which case, we don’t really have to give you any evidence. We don’t have to prove that nothing’s there, It’s the religious people’s job to provide evidence that God actually DOES exist. (bible does not count as evidence, only hard, verifiable data which does not rely on “faith” to be understood, will be accepted; good luck with that.)

    2: If Your God hates sex, then he should start to realise that if we were all perfect people who would never have sex (as he would obviously like) his creation would be dead in about 100 years from now. I believe the FSM hasn’t really got an idea about sex; but I believe that he would endorse the fun pirates get out of it.

    Cook yourself some spaghetti, have a large glass of Rum, yell YAAAAARHHHHH, and find the only true religion.

  5. Brian R says:

    The whole point of Pastafarianism is to poke fun at organized reiligion. It is all tongue-in-cheek. There is just as much validity in believing in a supreme flying spaghetti monster as any supreme being. It is all contrived. It is an idea that came out of nowhere and that is precisely the point! Anybody can make up anything. The only reason why it is so ridiculous now is because there hasn’t been enough time to create a legend. Obviously, Pastarfarian beliefs will fall in years to come but religions are simply “souped-up” myths and Christianity is just one more that has survived the millenia. There is no divine reason for it surviving by the way. Constantine was primarily responsible for exhalting the Christian belief from pseudo-paganism to recognized religion. By sheer fluke do people wear crosses about their necks instead of Star Trek comm badges. Live long and prosper jackasses! :)

  6. Drake says:

    “Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love!”

    Yes, there is nothing each and every one of us wants more than to have a massive, romping, orgy in the middle of a warzone while insulting faiths around the world and chanting messages of hate and intolerance, finishing off with a great big bloodbath where we all kill each other.

    Preoccupation with death is more the forté of the Pro-Life community, as their hardliners think nothing of killing doctors.

    Seriously, if this is how you see us, I suggest you take a reality check. None of us here, so far as I’ve seen, promote any of the things you say we do.

    I’m not sure where you come from, but pasta is meant for eating, not for sex. It’s very nature (being soft and squishy when cooked, very brittle when uncooked) makes it utterly unsuitable for any form of warfare. There is nothing blasphemous about believing in His Noodliness, and wa only mock those who fail to grasp the concept of Pastafarianism, even when it is staring them in the face. As for death, well, It seems to me that most Christians are more preoccupied whith that than we are. I mean, that is the whole point of Christianity, isn’t it. Lead a good life, so when you DIE you get your reward. And to top it all off, the return of Jezus is supposed to be the final chapter in the Apocalypse. (Which is mega-death).

    Please, do not cry for us, do not worry for us, do not agonise over the fate of our immortal souls, for they are in the best possible hands: our own. (Guided by His Noodly Appendage, naturally)

  7. nealy ferguson says:

    Why do hate God so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His existence.

    God has never done anything to make me or anyone that can read a high school science book doubt or confirm his existence.

    If he had of course been made out of pasta instead of wafers we might be able to discuss my confirmation, but until the blood of christ is truly wine that I can enjoy with my pasta there is no need to talk.

    RAmen.

  8. Ode to a Grasshopper says:

    There is no evidence for God.
    Argument-wise it’s not our responsibility to justify our doubt, if you want to convince someone of something you have to make a convincing case that what you say is true – see Bobby’s open letter.

    While we’re quite keen on sex, claiming Pastafarians love war and hate is a gross misrepresentation – ours is a peaceful philosophy. Read the 8 tenets and show us one instance of the FSm advocating war, or one death brought about by Pastafarianism.

    I don’t want eternal life, unless it has beer, pirates and strippers.

    Answer: Because.

    Maybe if God didn’t vindictively condemn most people to eternal torment on pretty arbitrary grounds you wouldn’t have to feel so bad? Just a suggestion…

1 42 43 44 45 46 48

Leave a Reply