Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ

Published November 8th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ. The LORD says that in the end, many false teachers will rise, darwin, muhammed and even your own bobby. I will not be swayed because i have met God. God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them. When you accept God, you are entered by the Holy Spirit of God Himself. That is why i cannot ever be convinced of your fruitless lies. I have personally seen the great power God commands. I will continue to log onto this site for a long time now. For if even one soul be saved while i am here, well in good deeds, none is greater. The LORD is my shield. I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions. God has granted me great faith and understanding and as long as the earth endures i will fear no evil for God is with me. You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled. For the whole world will HATE you because of me-Jesus to His followers- I beg thee to end this, then you will see and and the Truth will shine like 1000 suns. May the Lord Jesus rule over God’s people forever Amen.
-Christian



386 Responses to “Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ”

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  1. Belgian girl says:

    I always wonder of those xtians went to school… How in the world can u be so ignorant and foolish. It’s 2008 for FSM sake….

  2. KatieBug says:

    Christians always say that they don’t understand why we are “threatened by Christianity” and have to resort to things like Pastafarianism. They want to know why we care.

    Well, why the fuck do they care? If they’re comfortable in their faith, why does it matter what a group of people having fun think?

    Because they have this indoctrinated superiority complex and feel that it is their job to flaunt their faith and save the rest of the world.

    May His Noodly Appendage calm their minds and touch their souls.
    RAmen.

  3. Johnny Landlubber says:

    Yar, 1000 suns be makin’ for a hot earth. Ye be lookin’ to elimiate all us pirates, are ye, Christian?
    Well, Johnny no be one to hold ‘at against ye.

  4. GummiHU says:

    Hello, My name is Guðmundur which means either Arm of God or Weapon of God, I outrank you.

    RAmen

    • Theophallus says:

      Hello, my name is Theophallus which means i am god’s dangly bits, beat that!

      May the Sauce be with you.

      ps that’s god’s bollocks not dog’s bollocks

  5. Kip says:

    Little full of ourselves, Christian?

    Yet still too blind to know what satire is.

  6. Drunken Dogg says:

    Wow this was a sad post. Poor kid never had a chance. He was brainwashed at birth.

  7. StJason says:

    Believing that you have met God (or indeed, any other deity) is a sign of schizophrenia. The good news is that Our Beloved Creator has bestowed upon us the intelligence and ability to craft psychological tools like therapy and drugs that will help your condition, Christian.

    …Incidentally, Jeffery Dahmer also believed he had met god…

  8. Meisha says:

    Dear Christian:

    We have received your letter of conversion. Thank you for taking the time to write it.

    Unfortunately at this time, we are no longer accepting converters. Though your letter shows some promise, good grammar, and punctuation; we have no more openings for this position.

    We encourage you to continue to develop your skills further at Catholic and Mormon sites that are always looking for converters. We will review your letter should we have any openings in the future.

    The Church of the Spaghetti Monster encourages all converters to achieve greatness in their field. We are happy to be welcoming all people into His Noodly Embrace. It is just unfortunate that we have no more positions to fill.

    Thank you for applying for the position. We hope that you can continue converting in other areas successfully. We wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

    Most Sincerely,

    Meisha

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