Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ

Published November 8th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ. The LORD says that in the end, many false teachers will rise, darwin, muhammed and even your own bobby. I will not be swayed because i have met God. God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them. When you accept God, you are entered by the Holy Spirit of God Himself. That is why i cannot ever be convinced of your fruitless lies. I have personally seen the great power God commands. I will continue to log onto this site for a long time now. For if even one soul be saved while i am here, well in good deeds, none is greater. The LORD is my shield. I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions. God has granted me great faith and understanding and as long as the earth endures i will fear no evil for God is with me. You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled. For the whole world will HATE you because of me-Jesus to His followers- I beg thee to end this, then you will see and and the Truth will shine like 1000 suns. May the Lord Jesus rule over God’s people forever Amen.
-Christian



386 Responses to “Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ”

  1. Dan says:

    “I will continue to log onto this site for a long time now.” Oh joy.

  2. evil pop tart says:

    my real name means “house of god” but you don’t see me running around bragging

    with that in mind, other than a moldy 2000 year old book, prove to me that your god is any more valid than ours. when you can do that, then i’ll convert

  3. Lori says:

    Oh come on, this one is too easy.
    “I will never be convinced by words…”
    Better toss out your Bible then.

  4. Ramenator says:

    Okay, that’s it. Christianity is a fucking cult. That message has made it clear. You are clearly in a cult. You have said that reason will not change your mind nor will any evidence. Then nothing will. You will just go on being wrong forever.

  5. squints says:

    Hello, Christian which means servant of Christ,

    I really do hope you are logging in periodically and come across this.

    So you met God, eh? You know, whenever somebody claims they’ve met their deity of their choice, it’s always something like, “Then (insert god here) told me to (cleanse, oppress, wear frilly things) and start a (church, synagogue, mosque) to get everyone else to (cleanse, oppress, wear frilly things)…” Why isn’t it ever, “Well, (insert god) told me that everything was alright, be more tolerant to other people, and I was doing a good job. Then we played Parcheesi for a while.”

    “God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals…” What exactly are you implying? You aren’t like us pitiful mortals? Do you plan to smash us with your mighty fists of rage?

    Doesn’t this hit the nail on the head- “For the whole world will HATE you because of me-Jesus to His followers…” Why hate me because I don’t believe what you do? Why not hate me because I boinked your mom? I mean, 9/11, the Holocaust, et cetera ad nauseaum, happened because of people like you. Speaking of your mom, instead of cleansing us, start cleansing your mom. This rash really itches.

    “I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions.” Same here, matey. I would be slightly more inclined to believe you, if you weren’t trying to force your beliefs down everyone else’s throat. Take my advice, please. Do everyone a favor and stop logging in on religious sites* trying to convert people. You are just making yourself a target. Try charity, tolerance, humanism, and all the other good stuff your religion has slowly neglected.

    Look, I really don’t have a problem with your beliefs. In fact, I’m glad you are happy with your choice. I happen to be happy with mine. So, I really don’t see why you have a problem with me and my church.

    May you be touched by His Noodley Appendage, Christian which means servant of Christ. RAmen.

    -squints

    *- Except Westboro Baptist Church. Let ‘em have it. Those m******f*****s are fair game.

  6. The Evolved Ape says:

    “I will never be convinced by words”. If only you had adopted that stance before you read the Bible. I fear it is too late for you my friend.

  7. Insightful Ape says:

    Hello, my name is Insightful Ape. Whic means the ape that knows, because we are all African apes, but most of us don’t know it.
    So God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they won’t understand…and yet he is going to send me to hell for not understanding? Gee, what a sadist.
    Compare that to the FSM. His noodliness doesn’t even care if you believe in Him. He is not jealous because he knows he is the creator. What you think won’t change that. So who is the loftier god?
    And what is the story with “entering into god with holy spirit”? Is that a sexual reference?
    I will not fall for your lies, for action speak louder than words. Unless you can promise me that I will never die. And don’t try to tell me what your god will do for me after I die. I like beer and strippers a lot better.
    I do encourage you to keep us company, it gets boring without hate mail-and maybe one day in the process you will be touched by his noodly appendages and be saved.
    Peace and hope, may the FSM bless us all. I can only pray that our Noodly master will save you from yourself and false preachers.
    Ramen

  8. Greg says:

    “Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it, religion has actually convinced people that there’s an INVISIBLE MAN…LIVING IN THE SKY…who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever ´til the end of time…but he loves you.”–George Carlin

    • Mateo says:

      He doesn’t really mind if you honor your father and mother.

    • Keith says:

      There are about sixty other rules and regulations about how you should live: such as how you should beat your slaves, not mixing fabrics, stoning disobedient sons to death, killing a women who doesn’t shout loud enough when she is raped, what you should eat and so on. Like modern day laws, if you step outside of your house, you have automatically run foul of the law.

      • SillyKiwiMan says:

        And you can ignore any rules you choose to, and it’s ok. You just have to say that you’re not “that” religious. Free ticket! I always thought that hypocrisy was one of the biggest no-nos in religion.

        • Keith says:

          It’s one of the biggest money makers in religion.

      • Atsap Revol says:

        Mind you, I haven’t counted them, but I am told by those who study the Holy Buybull that it contains a total of 613 commandments dictating how one must live to gain favor with god. Then the different creeds superimpose special rules to set them apart from other creeds. A devout Mormon can eat pork chops, but can’t drink alcohol. A Jew can drink alcohol, but can’t eat pork chops. However, praise be, Pastafarians can drink alcohol and eat pork chops too. Therefore, let us rejoice that we have a religion that allows us to live reasonable human lives and promises us afterlives in a decent paradise with a beer volcano and strippers.

        • Rev. Wulff says:

          Ramen!

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          I might be the last guy to find out that there’s a recording label called “Fuelled by Ramen”. Might be a great outlet for Pastafarian liturgical music!

        • Keith says:

          I think much of the liturgy would consist of “Yum, yum, slurp, slurp, gulp, quaff, belch” etc.

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          That’s great. People can’t claim that our music has lost something in the interpretation and twist it to their own ends. A burp is a burp in every language. Like the universal hilarity of farting in a crowded lift.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          @Keith,
          I think you’ve just written the chorus to “Pasta, Joy of Man’s Desiring”.

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