I would love little more than to beat the ever living tar out of each and every one of you. However, Jesus says i shouldn’t, because it is wrong. Jesus says for us to control our sinful impulses and be nice people. I want to be a nice person, and whenever im not as nice as i could be i say to myself,the greatest glory is not in never failing but in rising each time you fall. That, i believe, is the fundamental difference between atheist and Christians. Atheists say evil is just our primal nature. Christians say evil is both wrong and controllable. May the LORD Jesus rule over God’s people forever Amen.
-Squiggledorf
I would love to beat the living tar out of each and every one of you
Published by Bobby Henderson November 18th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 395 Comments
395 Responses to “I would love to beat the living tar out of each and every one of you”
still awaiting a relevant commet from the idiots of this site
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*comment
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everybody on this site is so bitter and hateful
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I would totally take moral direction from someone called squiggledorf.
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I consider this and some of the follow-up posts another success story for the site. Bringing awareness and encouraging the power of reason to people who post messages such as this is its entire point for existing in the first place, and the lonely blossoming xian ‘bots’ like noah #148 looking for somebody to hate are no doubt doing a grand job of spreading the word amongst his ilk, furthering our cause and planting yet more seeds of hope so our future generations aren’t forced to live in the dark ages. I hugely recommend constructing an Arabic version of the site.
RAmen
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Noah, just because post 139 decided to interpret one part of the bible literally doesn’t make us all a bunch of morons. After all, you’re interpreting the “god is actually real” part of the bible literally, and we all know that can’t possibly be anything other than figurative.
Next, as much as you want us to respond to you, you haven’t really given us anything to respond to.
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Come on Noah. Crusaders of God? Seriously? You choose to consider yourself a Christian (although with a serious lack of Christian morals) and you pick a crusader for you title. Crusaders kill people. Do you remember the crusades? Lots of people died. Very Christian of you.
By the way, we’re not bitter and hateful. We’re jaded and cynical. There’s a difference.
And as for my personal path, it may not be yours, but it’s a lot better. The God and Goddess (shown here in the combined representation of the carbs of the fields and the meatballs of the creatures upon this planet) show me a world that they’ve help mold and give me the right to choose my path. They give us a few moral guidelines to help us out and tell us that if screw up, it’ll come back at us threefold. So I walk my path and I sometimes screw up, but that’s okay. When my time comes, I will meet the guardians of the Summerlands and there I will lay my decisions before them. If I’ve chosen a good life, I will get another good life in return the next time. And if I haven’t, then the next one won’t be so good. But for the time I dwell in the Summerlands, there will be beer volcanos, strippers galore and if I’m really lucky, maybe a fountain of Bailey’s Irish Cream.
So my personal path is just that, my path. It may not be wrong or right, but it’s mine. And everyone has their own. To try and condemn someone’s life because of where they place their feet speaks of great intolerance and a failing at your Christian morals. May your god have mercy upon the day of your judgement.
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Noah – no one asked for your opinion. Please take your thumping somewhere else.
Also – I wonder if Mr. Squiggledorf may actually be a Pastafarian in disguise. Doesn’t a ’squiggle’ hold a resemblance to pasta?
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The Book of Noah 1:148-153: Was there a question? Or did, for instance, post 133 fall into your TL;DR filter?
I had a Jehova’s Witness on the doorstep recently, who was trying to convince me that there wasn’t anything scientifically impossible in the Bible. Like, oh, some guy being crucified, lying dead in a tomb for three days, decomposing, then springing back to life again. I rather think that biologists would have a few points to make on that.
I’m not sure which branch of science would feel moved to comment on transmuting wine into water. Stage magicians might have a thing or two to say. Yeah, yeah, metaphorical. And TRUE nonetheless.
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Squiggledorf, you are confusing atheism with heresy. As this site promotes a religion, atheism is obviously not the problem bothering you. Heresy, however, is the word you are looking for. Check up on the Spanish Inquisition – I think it may be right up your alley. There was lots of living tar flying around in those days… you would have loved it.
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Noah, your bible, not mine, says that it is a bad thing to call people fools.
Furthermore, I merely asked (in comment #2) for the Squigglecreature to be ruled by your god, and be peaceful. I wish the people of your faith would spend more time with their source book, so I could peacefully enjoy my bolognaise sauce and penne.
Ramen!
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Sadly you don’t see how pathetic you are. Your morality is decided by a man that may or may not have existed 2,000 years ago that you never met before. You can’t even determine your own sense of right and wrong you retarded slob of monkey spunk. And don’t speak for how atheists define evil, every single atheist in the world has more brains in their left nut sack than there is in your entire bloodline. You are a missed opportunity for a perfectly valid abortion.
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noah, for a relevant, and well-thought out reply, refer to comment 133. The fact that has always bothered me, about Christians, is the blatant, and almost proud, practice of hypocrasy.
from noah’s post, 153, “everybody on this site is so bitter and hateful”
from noah’s post, 148, “wow how idiotic and psychotic you morons are…” Sometimes I wonder if people really listen to themselves. I realize this is just one incident, from one person, but it still bothers me that this is rather indicitive of the whole of the followers of Christ. It’s almost like they think, “It’s okay for me to behave this way, because I know better.” Not saying that’s their concious though, just that it feels that way, sometimes.
I know there are “good Christians” out there, but we never hear from them, because they’re too busy being tollerant of other people’s religions. It really is too bad that we only ever hear from those who can’t even practice their own religion. For now, I’m just amused by the dramatic attention seekers.
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#153: … Uh-huh. Bitter and hateful, yeah, that’s us. That’s exactly why christians have to come and show us how to behave like good christians.
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LONG LIVE CRUSADERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, not so much for the indigenous peoples of the lands the crusaders raped and pillaged. Don’t believe? THEN DIE! Yeah sounds joyous.
Not a single one of the people on this site is bitter and hateful, noah, you’re projecting your own bitterness and hatred. Which makes sense, since xians always seem to be bitter and hateful. No one here hates you; we pity you. You have been led down a path of wretchedness, and refuse to open your eyes and see the world for what it is. Perhaps one day you too will be touched by His Noodly Appendage, and finally start living a real life in the real world, rather than wallowing in the prison that is the delusion of Christianity.
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Noah, noah. Thanks so much for your messages of love and kindness.
To reciprocate it I’d like to suggest that you learn to use the spell check and to capitalize.
I’m sure your mommy would be so disappointed.
I am also sure in your heart you know you are wrong.
Maybe one day you will be touched by His noodliness, and then you won’t be surprised that people get upset when they are threatened with violence.
Ramen
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@ Noah,
Are you one of those psycho types? Perhaps, it is you who is on the wrong path. We are idiots, but the last relevant “commet” that I recall was Hale-Bopp. Did they board the star ship successfully and get to Heaven?
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Noah?
Wasn’t he into beastiality?
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The noah fella trying to get a rise out of people is funny. I can’t tell if he’s real or not though, because moments after being very bitter and hateful, he calls everybody bitter and hateful. Long live ignorance.
May His Noodles touch noah in a way that both enlightens and tickles him. RAmen.
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How can you beat the living tar out of me when, obviously, there is no living tar in me? The Gospel clearly proves that the only thing inside of me is sauce and meatballs. Duh. If you weren’t so blinded by your heathen religion you would have read the Gospel and you would know that.
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Thank you for offering to beat the living tar out of me…i would appreciate this as i have recently quit smoking (93 days and counting)
RAmen
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shut up mrcus aurelius penis mcsuckus
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I love noahs comments, he just made himself look a complete tool! Not only did he not get the moderation thing and so naturally assumed we had not answered his blinding critique because we know, secretly, that he is right but he followed “wow how idiotic and psychotic you morons are i hope the true light of christ will eventually reach you and matty its a figure of speech wow ignorance rules all of your lives” up with ”
everybody on this site is so bitter and hateful”. I’d say it’s mostly Noah with the bitterness and hate.
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Noah, you’re the one who’s hateful, so I suggest shutting the F*** up before we puke.
“Long live crusaders” Yeah…right…
We know in our hearts that the FSM will guide us to happiness. We’ll have all the beer and stippers we could ever want, while you sit and twiddle your thumbs, waiting for Jeebus to come and “save” you from everything you could ever desire because you live the “right path”.
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*Cough Crusades, Inquisition, witch hunts, cough*
I was born christian, with jewish grandparents and a muslim stepfather… Pastafarianism makes equal sense, and is equally proven.
Guess what? My friend in school, since we were focusing on juruselem and the Dome of the Rock, claimed christianity had proven god. I said, “no way! How?”. He said- “The bible”.
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Just for you, Squiggy – two of my very own creations.
——————————————–
CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD
“What? You didn’t think about it at all?”
“Well, no. I mean, I did…but it seemed like everything was already written out. I was told we just had to believe and everything would be cool.”
“Well it is, in a way. I mean I don’t mind you believing in me, but do you have any idea *how* cool life is? I know I saw a lot of people try to describe it to you…”
“But it sounded like they were trying to discount you, sir, and since I believed that belief was the most important thing, I figured you’d be insulted, or something.”
“No, no, no. If I didn’t want you to think about it, I wouldn’t have given you a brain. Take rabbits. What do you know about rabbits?”
“Rabbits?”
“Yeah…you know…long ears, fluffy, cotton tail, etc…?”
“Well…uh…they uh….well…not much, really. They’re cute? Um, a big one comes every easter and leaves eggs in the middle of the night?”
“How about Pine trees. What do you know about pine trees?”
“Well, um…they drop pine cones? Err…uh…and I rake a lot of needles off my roof…”
“Let me get this straight…am I to believe you worship me, but you don’t know anything about my creation?”
“Well, there were lots of scientists dealing with all that stuff. I mean, um…many of them seemed like they didn’t want you to be.”
“Nonsense…they were just curious…like I made them. Like you should have been but weren’t. I get the distinct impression that it was never the crackerjacks that amused you – it was just the promise of a prize at the bottom of the box!”
“Oh no…oh no sir, that isn’t it at all!!”
“And what evidence do I have to believe that?”
“Well…I suppose you’ll just have to take it on faith.”
——————————————–
THE DOCTOR AND THE MUSICIAN: A DIALOGUE
A doctor walked up to a musician. The following conversation ensued.
Doctor: There is a God.
Musician: There is? Cool! Where is it?
Doctor: Well, God is in heaven.
Musician: Where is heaven?
Doctor: No one knows for sure. Not here? Or maybe here? No one knows.
Musician: Hmm, ok. Well when did God get there?
Doctor: No one knows. Now? Yesterday? Forever? Honestly I don’t even know what time is.
Musician: Wow, heavy dude. Ok, how did God become existing?
Doctor: He was born or He always existed or he doesn’t exist in that sense or he’s all around us all the time. He is part of a universal bipolarity which indicates a counterpart of equal strength that some call the Devil.
Musician: Neat. Can I have some?
Doctor: Some what?
Musician: Some of what you’re on, man. Haha, just kidding. Ok, what is God?
Doctor: A thought. An entity. A man, like us. A woman like her {points at female passerby}. An animal. A ghost. Bah. No one really knows.
Musician: Ok, just why is there a God?
Doctor: To love us, to guide us, to torture us, to make us question, to give us reason to NOT question, to judge us, to comfort us, to disturb us, to inspire us, to perplex us, to…shoot. You know, I have no idea honestly.
Musician: Let me get this straight. You say there’s a God, but you don’t know really where it is, what it is, how it is, why it is, or when it is. Is that correct?
Doctor: Yes, that is correct.
Musician: Then how can you claim that there is one for sure?
Doctor: I don’t know. I just say there is.
Musician: Ok, well what if I say there isn’t? What if I just disagree with you?
Doctor: Don’t disagree.
Musician: Why not?
Doctor: Because God is this thing that you believe in. It’s not something you see or smell or touch or hear. It’s in your heart, not your senses.
Musician: My heart can’t think. It’s a muscle. I’m pretty sure I can prove that unlike some of the things you’re asking me to believe without proof. So don’t you mean God is something I feel with my brain by thinking about it?
Doctor: Yes, sure. God is all in your head.
Musician: Now we agree.
——————————————
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Sounds like a good plan. Squiggledorf the Wise has a nice ring to it.
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Noah:wow how idiotic and psychotic you morons are
Noah: wow ignorance rules all of your lives
Noah:everybody on this site is so bitter and hateful
…
…
What do you know about rabbits, Noah?
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It’s really cool of you to be telling people how much you’d like to beat the living tar out of them and why you won’t.
I’m sure that makes them feel great.
In fact, didn’t Jesus go around telling people that he would smash their faces in if it weren’t for the moral consequences? I mean, as long as you’re not causing people physical harm, it’s ok, right?
By the way, you should really continue on that note, you know, telling people to join your religion because it’s the only thing that’s keeping you from extracting tar from them.
“And He did observe that she was unpure. And He did see that she was filthy. And He dids’t not beat the living tar out of her, for He knew that His father was not down with that.”
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Wow. Raise your hand if you’re a Christian who is going out of his or her way to actually post a comment on a website that has nothing to do with you!
If you didn’t raise your hand, shame on you.
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I think Noah needs to be introduced to the wonderful world of punctuation.
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Sorry Noah!! I just realised “punctuation” has four syllables!! I’m talking about periods, commas etc. Most people learn about them at school but maybe not in the special classes you went to.
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This morning, when my five year old son asked if he could have Lucky Charms for breakfast, I, being an atheist, said, “Evil is in your nature,” punched him in the knee, and sent him to school hungry and with no shoes. I hope I find Jesus soon for his sake.
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Noah, I am bitter, hateful, and sarcastic when people stupidly and misguidedly make assumptions on me and my morality just because I do not believe in their God(s). I work with a woman at work who, in spite of my formidable defenses against listening to Christian dogma of any kind, has actually impressed me with her kindness and unconditional acceptance of my beliefs. She is a Christian, and she probably attracts a lot of people because of how she actually lives, not because she condemns everyone who doesn’t believe as she does. Many Christians would do well to think long and hard about how they approach others.
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I will be at the corner of fifth and main at high noon. Bring your best ass whooping.
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@ noah / #153
that’s why the section is called “hate mail”. if you carefully review the responses, you’ll find that the vast majority of hateful, if not outright threatening, responses are from those who profess to be loving christians. if this is an indication of “love” christian-style, man, i fear for the objects of their actual hatred. oh wait a sec, that’s every other religion or belief system that’s not christian! silly me for forgetting the base intolerance that seems to be a significant contributor to christian love. my bad…
V
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“wow how idiotic and psychotic you morons are i hope the true light of christ will eventually reach you and matty its a figure of speech wow ignorance rules all of your lives”
@ #153
Boy, aren’t you right! And we can’t spell either!
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I feel I’m a good person. Not once have I ever thought about beating someone up over their thoughts, not once. I’m not religious at all. I define my own morality, and quite frankly, I feel that my morality trumps the morality of this poster. Seriously, thinking that throwing punches at someone because they believe in an innate, “all knowing” being (who happens to be made of spaghetti) will solve something?
Hey, I can see the Bible, I can read it if I want to, touch it, hold it, smell it. All the things I can equally do with a plate of spaghetti. The difference? I don’t want to beat you up over believing in something that I feel sounds better when I throw it on the fire.
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cruSADers Know what I mean, noah? (You deranged twerp.)
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Um crusaders were some of the least jesus like individuals in all of history. That is if you go with the bible’s depiction of him as pretty cool guy who encouraged love and peace for all. Noah, replying to your post about bitter hateful people on the site, I quite agree. Squiggledorf for example, who seems to be struggling very hard with his hate, and it appears, not succeding, if you look at the whole violent threats bit. Then there is the indidual who keeps posting about crusaders, people who tried to wipe out an entire way of life, that person also seems to be moved by hate and anger. I would say that I would pray for you, certainly I think kindly toward you, but “praying for you” is kind of condisending so I’ll just send my kindest regards.
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the fuct thet evil is a part of beeng a humen dos not mack it right…
i dont like christen’s how think atheist are bad person’s.. it mack me sick.
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surely you should do what jesus says because you believe it to be right.. not because he told you to?
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. Atheists say evil is just our primal nature.
When will you people realize..
WE DON’T CARE.
We don’t sit around our houses thinking about what we are going to piss you off. We just don’t believe in God we don’t go around slagging you, we get on with our lives so wherever you conjure this idea that we think you are evil from just put it back there. I disagree with your beliefs but i don’t go around preaching that your wrong. We aren’t like you, we don’t go around forcing our beliefs in other peoples mouths.
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Oh sinner that I am! I repent! I repent!
Oh Noah, you have shown me the way to the light!
Forgive my sinner’s soul!
Just kidding.
Oh, and p.s: we aren’t the ones acting bitter and hateful, Noah.
Take a look in the mirror.
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Are you kidding me? Squiggledorf the Christian? I bet he was eating his buggers the whole time he was typing that.
I noticed noah the CRUSADER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! was clever enough to correct his little *typo :(
I was hoping he’d actually receive a relevant commet
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I wonder what planet this person is form? I saw a Science Fiction mag from 1939 which had a book “Planet of the Knob Heads” this guy is from it, now as for beating the living tar I have a few things to say about that
1) Maybe they should realise that sending threats is actually a criminal offense
2) I think he would find his living tar would be kicked out of him if he tried that with me
3)Has he actually read what was being said actually Jesus would approve of many of the things being said
4) Finally he hasn’t got the point
5) He really needs the living tar beaten out of him it would do him the world of good.
6) Many Atheists are far more moral people than Christians think the Crusades, The Inquisitions and Witch hunts then there is the sectarianism. Never seen that with Atheist societies in fact the Monotheistic faiths should get their acts in order before making a fool of themselves
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Leave Noah alone, what chance of being normal did he ever have with parents who gave him that name.
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Whenever I need a good laugh I read some of the hate mail. I have noticed a few threads running thru the hate mailers, too:
1. All profess their undying love of Jebus.
2. Many want to kill followers of the One True FSM.
3. The vast majority have obviously never cracked open a Bible. They constantly misquote it or make stuff completely up.
4. Nearly 100% can’t spell or use syntax correctly, making it seem they learned English in the backwoods of some 3rd world country.
BTW, I put my mouth on one of his noodly appendages. I liked it.
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im sorry for my religous and christian zeal I AM NOT DIRECTING MY COMMENTS AT THE MAJORITY OF YOU MOST OF YOU ARE INTELLECTUAL ATHEISTS but on the other hand those of you who are making fun of my crusader comment the crusades were a defensive action towards the muslims who were trying to invade parts of spain and jerusalem
“Call me a religous fanatic,I am only a man tryng to make my way towards the afterlife” -Bill Rogma
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i would like to have a intellectual conversation with anybody who is willing to have one
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