I’ve tried giving evidence for God.
I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.
I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.
I’ve tried kindness.
I’ve tried condemning you.
I’ve tried offering you salvation.
My patience is expired with you all.
I have only one question for you all.
Why do hate God so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His existence. Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts. My God is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving. Yet still, you curse Him with every word. Everything He hates, you love. Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love! All you do to me is mock me. You never give evidence, you only call yourselves enlightened for your lack of faith. God warns that heathens offer freedom,pleasure,and knowledge, but they are lying. I have offered you eternal life, and you have cursed me. I do not curse you, nor your choices,nor any horrid sin you do. I cry for you. I will weep in the presence of God because of you, and because i could not save of you a single soul. So, my sinful,fallen companions i leave you today with just one question. Why?
May Christ Jesus, The One True God, have mercy on you my friends.
-Christian
I’ve tried
Published by Bobby Henderson November 11th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 363 Comments
363 Responses to “I’ve tried”
FSM=Awesomeness. Christ=Mud. That is all. Thank you.
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Erm, isn’t it GOD’s purpose to condemn people? So, therefore, if anyone actually believes a word of what you just said, YOU are playing at being God, which, I do believe, is a sin in your religion, is it not?
I don’t think anybody actually knows God’s purpose, or why he does things. I would imagine, that as God he can choose his own purpose. If he did create humanity, I doubt he created us just so he would have someone to condemn. Here is a Question why did the FSM create humanity…… (yes I know its all satirical, but bear with me)
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Wait, has this guy tried a single one of those things mentioned in his e-mail?
“My patience is expired with you all.”
Good. Can you please leave now? Also: its “Has” not “Is”
“Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts.”
Hey, I love the Bible. I think that it’s the funniest book ever written in the history of forever.
“You never give evidence”
The irony is killing me.
“So, my sinful,fallen companions i leave you today with just one question. Why?”
Because I choose. (Cookie for the movie reference)
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It’s really you, Christian who sadden me. People like you give me the total opposite of hope for humanity. It is sites like this with people thinking for themselves who realize the importance of this life we live now and respects the lives of their fellow person that saves me from that sense of desolation.
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Well sir, I know one thing for a fact….Spagetti does exist no dought about that. FSM 1
GOD 0
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And I shall dub thee, Christian number….uh….one million. Unless, of course, all the others were you too. In that case, you’re kind of going overboard here. I do have a question for you though—are you god? :O Because if you are, I want your autograph. :)
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What sheer preemptive butthurt. Awesome.
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Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death. Can’t all those be found in the bible along with gang raping little girls, and wanting to have gay sex and some guy offering his virgin daughter for a gang rape instead?
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I think you are confusing our motives with projections. Being unreligious and being a sane person are NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE (look it up if you don’t know what it means. I’ll wait). Because we hate war, we avoid religion, the number one cause of war (see every war you started, Christians). Because we dislike death we don’t drink the Koolade (look it up). We don’t love blasphemy, we love good rhetoric, and debate that doesn’t come stacked with threats and binary thinking(look it up, then insert pictures of you, terrorists, and witch hunters). While you’re looking stuff up, look up how to argue like a scholar and not like a psycho youtube news pundent. Don’t come back until you do.
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@post 308: Oh, those were the days… :-D
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I see no evidence that your god exists. I find christianity distasteful because it preaches acceptance while condemming other religions (even those that are considered ligit).
If you’re god is so kind and loving how did the world get so screwed up?
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I’ve given evidence for Flying Spaghetti Monster.
I’ve tried telling you the benefits of FSM.
I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.
I’ve tried kindness.
I’ve tried condemning you.
I’ve tried offering you salvation.
My patience is expired with you all.
I have only one question for you all.
Why do hate FSM so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His existence. Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts. FSM is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving. Yet still, you curse Him with every word. All you do to me is mock me. You NEVER give evidence. FSM warns that heathens offer freedom,pleasure,and knowledge, but they are lying. I have offered you eternal life, and you have cursed me. I do not curse you, nor your choices,nor any horrid sin you do. I cry for you. I will weep in the presence of FSM because of you, and because i could not save of you a single soul. So, my sinful,fallen companions i leave you today with just one question. Why?
May His Noodlyness, The One True God, have mercy on you my friend.
-Pastafarian
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Seriously, what evidence? If you’re referring to the bible then I’m sad to tell that there’s absolutely no evidence of it being true. I’d also like to point out that this is a JOKE. It’s very important to understand that pastafarians are purely invented as a way to discredit the neocreationist myth of Intelligent Design. It’s very important to understand that ths is satire made by a Darwinist to point out all the flaws of the creationist myth. The FSM is a picture, albeit a distorted picture, as it is only made to point out the scientific flaws, and not the ethical marvels, that the bible contains. The fact that true creationists think the world is 8000 years old for example, and that they say radiometric dating is wrong, is in the letter transformed to His Noodly Appendage, fixing all the numbers. Try to understand that this is a quite funny critique of a generally wrong scientific *fact*, called FAITH. When you’ve understood all that, you’re an atheist, and the day you understand that you’ll be proud to be one. Be proud to be part of a scientific world, and not a narrowminded biblical society based on the *facts* of a single book, and a total lack of critical thinking.
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Wait…your God hates sex? And you actually participate in this religion freely? Oh my…I’m sorry. You pray for me, and I will have sex for you; then that makes things even, right?
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Fuckass! You wouldn’t DARE to say this to Jewish people.
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Mr. Angry virgin is angry.
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Im sorry, but all this hate mail dosent make sense. If gods real, then he would let people belive what they want to belive. The flying spagetti monster has forgiven all of you for beliveing in god, and not him. Why dosent your god do the same. I think it is fair we let people belive what they want to… you should 2!
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“I’ve tried giving evidence for God.”
-You’ve tried spreading lies.
“I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.”
-You’ve tried spreading lies.
“I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.”
-You’ve tried spreading lies.
“I’ve tried kindness.”
-You’ve tried spreading lies.
“I’ve tried condemning you.”
-You’ve tried spreading MORE lies.
FACE IT! You’ve been brain washed and can’t think for yourself! Stop spreading your lies and your fucked up thoughts. You can believe in your fake gods all you want, just stop trying to spread it to others and stop trying to get more people into Hell. No one likes flat beer and very diseased hookers.
May you be touched by His noodly appendage.
RAmen.
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How much time have you spent trying to convert us?
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If god hates all these things “sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death” then why did he create them?
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What makes you think that I want my to be “saved”? I never asked for your assistance. Go on living your life and I’ll go on living mine. Simple.
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… Is this guy fucking serious? This is an interesting behavior which I frequently observe in Christians… They have this annoying tendency to instantly jump to outrageous conclusions about everyone who doesn’t have their same, or any imaginary friend. If they believe that morality is impossible without the threat of eternal suffering, then the 99% of the Atheist community who behave morally are far better people than the Christians who need to be threatened to do so by the invisible fairy in the sky who sends bears to rip apart children for making fun of bald men…
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wow. what a tool. its people like him that give us a bad name. and Jabdow, dont assume that 99% of atheists are moral. its probably only .1%, like any other group of human beings on the planet, whether you be christian, jewish, atheist, muslim, or pastafarian. i dont believe that i myself behave morally. people on both sides need to think before they speak.
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You’re soooooo far up your own arse that you can’t see the sunlight anymore, Don’t say that you’ve “TRIED” everything with us when you won’t even put half as much effort in having a look at what it is that you preach about. Get a life dickhead or take your acient mind set underground where you belong.
Have a nice day ;)
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Ohmigod CHRISTIAN. What is your problem? I am an atheist and for a good reason too, its all so STUPID. Any idiot with half a brain can realise that god doesn’t exsist, i love the world but frankly its a suckfest. People die all the time, good people, and women are raped and then we all go to hell for this but God LOVES us. Go blow it up your arse.
People have died for being alternative, many Christians unfortunately but there’s probably a verse in the bible that says ’stoneth all wierdos’. Oh and have you ever read the passage: ‘ Those without sins may be the first one to throw the stone.’ Don’t act all high and mighty when you’re human just like the rest of us. With major prejudices. I expect you’d throw holy water at me if you saw me in person.
I pit you
Goth Girl
GO ALTERNATIVES!!!!
If heaven is full of people like you I hope I go to hell.
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“Everything He hates, you love. Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love!”
Fuck, I DO love having sex with someone I hate while simultaneously cursing and shooting people after making fun of them for mental or physical disabilities! I mean…who DOESN’T?
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“I’ve tried giving evidence for God.”
That would be a laugh if I ever bothered to read it
“I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.”
We have to get up early on Sundays…? I can’t think of anything else you guys do
“I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.”
Can’t be worse that no beer volcano and strippers with STD’s
“I’ve tried kindness.”
That’s nice
“I’ve tried condemning you.”
Not very “Christian” of you is that now?
“I’ve tried offering you salvation.”
I’ll pass
“My patience is expired with you all.
I have only one question for you all.
Why do hate God so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His existence. Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts. My God is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving. Yet still, you curse Him with every word. Everything He hates, you love.”
You know what? My patience has expired with you fucking do-good Christians who think everyone should be like them. I do not hate your God, I just like FSM better. Our gospel is better to, have you ever seen the size of your bible? Hang on, are you saying God hates my family… What if I claimed to love your God, Does that mean that he hates himself?
I can’t be bothered copying and pasting the rest so I will spell it out like this. Why the fuck is your God better? We have offered about as much proof of our god as you have of yours. now I hate no be the one to tell you this but THERE WAS NO JESUS. I have nothing against a man who didn’t exist.
RAmen
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billzy, didn’t Clive Owen manage to do all of that in “Shoot ‘Em Up?”
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God hates sex?
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“It is not that I loved Caesar less but that I loved Rome more.” Brutus (Shakespeare). I have no feelings for your god, because I see no evidence or reason for him to exist. So it’s not that I hate god, but that I love FSM, I love science and what has brought the real world etc.
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@326 billzy118
You know maybe that could be the eighth deadly sin, Genocidawrathisex.
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Also if christians hate sex, why are there so goddamn many of them? Asexual budding?
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What!?
Does god hate sex? That’s good news:) Then christianity will die in just one generation from now. Phew:) That was a great relief.
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I’ve tried giving evidence for God.
I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.
I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.
I’ve tried kindness.
I’ve tried condemning you.
I’ve tried offering you salvation.
My patience is expired with you all.
1. Where were the evidence? Never saw it?
2. What are the benefits? (think she means alter wine?)
3. No, no, no not the horrors of hell, that’s a very negative view of the matter, try with “think of all the cool people you are going to meet down there”.
4. kindness? Are you high or just incredibly stupid?
5. condemning us, boy, do he care a lot…
6. i all ways thought that only god could give salvation?
“my patience has expired with you all”
oh boy, we are gonna get it now!
Listen dude, we really don’t care about your “salvation” and if (and i say IF!) were all going to hell, just because we like to have fun like sex for example.
basicly what i am trying to say is, i’ll tell you in your language:
we don’t really care if we go to hell, heaven is for gay wads…
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“Why do hate God so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His existence.”
i go to a catholic school.
& even my teachers there say that’s it’s good to question his existence.
because if you don’t, you’re an idiot that accepts any bull that anyone speaks.
to question is to think.
obviously you’ve never thought before, if you’ve never questioned.
I have fully accepted FSM as my personal savior, because i’ve thought this out, & this seems the most logical.
have you ever even questioned ANYTHING in your pathetic, miserable little life?
obviously i have a more enlightened, spiritual life than you, with FSM as my god.
& i’m only fifteen.
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RAmen, Jabdow, RAmen.
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Who asked you to try all that? I’ve had my spiritual upbringing, my religious education, my time to think things through and decide for myself what to believe. I don’t believe in being “saved” or the fires of Hell, and I make no apologies for that. I do believe in Live and Let Live, respect the earth and those who live on it, and respect yourself. I also believe in a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself.
I actually considering suing a local church for harassment once, because they wouldn’t stop knocking on our doors. Fortunately I wasn’t the only one sick of them, and our town passed an ordinance banning door to door solicitation, and that finally put a stop to it.
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This Christian stating that s/he “tried” all this bullshit just proves that this person is nothing but a fake. Do you think as a Christian, nagging or cursing a person out is really going to convert them? If that’s your method to “Spread the word of God” then you might as well just take off your phony mask and give up because you failed God.
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I’m sorry your first question lacked a subject.
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“All you do to me is mock me.”
Really Christian, what did you expect? You come to a community full of atheists and try to push your beliefs on them. Of course, you are going to be met with animosity! You should have expected that from the beginning. Then you sound dissappointed that you could not “save” any of us. You must understand you are not going to be able to “save” those that are already confident in their beliefs. You cannot expect to convert us to Christianity anymore than we can expect to convert you to atheism. Sometimes, you have to just let it go and accept the fact that not everyone agrees with your beliefs.
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“I’ve tried”…I don’t quite comprehend what you tried. Is there any evidence of you trying? If you really had tried all this crap I’m sure there would be much hate (more than now) flying at you. Then you tell us “My God” this and “My God” that, but I’m pretty sure that if you are trying to push your beliefs on us even though we don’t want them (I am a Catholic by the way, your beliefs on the subject are just completely retarted), you should say “Our God”, because He isn’t just YOUR God, he is everyone’s. I would just like to say that this load of crap that you are trying to dump on us is most likely just your way of trying to increase your belief in your religion because you are unsure about yourself and the strength of your beliefs. You can be strong in your beliefs and not try to push them onto others. Remember, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, so if you don’t like people trying to convert you, then you should reciprocate and not try to convert others. Think about it, absorb it, and then shut it.
RAmen
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I don’t think the vast majority of us Pastafarians are in this because we “hate God”, we just see a flawed religion that has been around so damn long that people have started to lose sight of what its intentions truly are. Instead of cultivating “good will towards men”, anger and hypocracy grow like mold and attack anybody who tilts their head to question how this all came to be. I’m not here because God in some way wronged me, I’m here because I don’t want to be a part of what Christians call exceptable. Are your Holy Wars really what you think you should do? I think not. I think you’re supposed to say “Hey, wanna learn about God?” and to that, we smile and reply “Nay.” Thus, you move to the next person. Let bygones be bygones. I wasn’t led astray, I wasn’t tricked. In my yearly teens, I felt strange attending church. Sitting outside of the youthgroup, waiting for my mother to pick me up, it came to me that Christianity wasn’t what I needed to be happy. But this is. As long as Pastafarianism continues to go how it is, I’m a fucking pasta lover.
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It’s not that we hate God, it’s just that we want something else to believe in. There is no reason to be upset with people just because we don’t share all of your beliefs and ideals. I’m sure that acceptance is something that God teaches in The Bible. It’s okay think different from others. Tolerance and acceptance is the key to a happy life.
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starvation,950 million of them.war.viruses.diseases.vilence.crime.pain.that’s why\
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God hates sex? Now that’s a new one!
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What if you replaced “God” with “FSM”?
“I’ve tried giving evidence for FSM.
I’ve tried telling you the benefits of FSM.
I’ve tried telling you there is no Hell.
I’ve tried kindness.
I’ve tried offering you salvation.
My patience is expired with you all.
I have only one question for you all.
Why do hate FSM so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His noodly existence. Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts. FSM is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving. Yet still, you curse Him with every word. Everything He hates, you love. War,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love! All you do to me is mock me. You never give evidence, you only call yourselves enlightened for your lack of faith. FSM warns that Christians offer freedom,pleasure,and knowledge, but they are lying. I have offered you eternal life, and you have cursed me. I do not curse you, nor your choices,nor any horrid sin you do. I cry for you. I will weep in the presence of FSM because of you, and because i could not save of you a single soul. So, my sinful,fallen companions i leave you today with just one question. Why?
May FSM, The One True God, have mercy on you my friends.
-Rastafarian”
I’m sure I could do better, but I don’t have much time.
I think a great big RAmen is in order here. LOL!
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Judge not lest ye be judged christian… wait isn’t that passing a judgment? Just a circular thought.
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1: we do not give evidence, either you consider us a valid religion, in which case we have massive lots of evidence (like, we have a lot of sightings and such) Or you consider us a group of atheists. In which case, we don’t really have to give you any evidence. We don’t have to prove that nothing’s there, It’s the religious people’s job to provide evidence that God actually DOES exist. (bible does not count as evidence, only hard, verifiable data which does not rely on “faith” to be understood, will be accepted; good luck with that.)
2: If Your God hates sex, then he should start to realise that if we were all perfect people who would never have sex (as he would obviously like) his creation would be dead in about 100 years from now. I believe the FSM hasn’t really got an idea about sex; but I believe that he would endorse the fun pirates get out of it.
Cook yourself some spaghetti, have a large glass of Rum, yell YAAAAARHHHHH, and find the only true religion.
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The whole point of Pastafarianism is to poke fun at organized reiligion. It is all tongue-in-cheek. There is just as much validity in believing in a supreme flying spaghetti monster as any supreme being. It is all contrived. It is an idea that came out of nowhere and that is precisely the point! Anybody can make up anything. The only reason why it is so ridiculous now is because there hasn’t been enough time to create a legend. Obviously, Pastarfarian beliefs will fall in years to come but religions are simply “souped-up” myths and Christianity is just one more that has survived the millenia. There is no divine reason for it surviving by the way. Constantine was primarily responsible for exhalting the Christian belief from pseudo-paganism to recognized religion. By sheer fluke do people wear crosses about their necks instead of Star Trek comm badges. Live long and prosper jackasses! :)
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“Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love!”
Yes, there is nothing each and every one of us wants more than to have a massive, romping, orgy in the middle of a warzone while insulting faiths around the world and chanting messages of hate and intolerance, finishing off with a great big bloodbath where we all kill each other.
Preoccupation with death is more the forté of the Pro-Life community, as their hardliners think nothing of killing doctors.
Seriously, if this is how you see us, I suggest you take a reality check. None of us here, so far as I’ve seen, promote any of the things you say we do.
I’m not sure where you come from, but pasta is meant for eating, not for sex. It’s very nature (being soft and squishy when cooked, very brittle when uncooked) makes it utterly unsuitable for any form of warfare. There is nothing blasphemous about believing in His Noodliness, and wa only mock those who fail to grasp the concept of Pastafarianism, even when it is staring them in the face. As for death, well, It seems to me that most Christians are more preoccupied whith that than we are. I mean, that is the whole point of Christianity, isn’t it. Lead a good life, so when you DIE you get your reward. And to top it all off, the return of Jezus is supposed to be the final chapter in the Apocalypse. (Which is mega-death).
Please, do not cry for us, do not worry for us, do not agonise over the fate of our immortal souls, for they are in the best possible hands: our own. (Guided by His Noodly Appendage, naturally)
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