I’ve tried giving evidence for God.
I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.
I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.
I’ve tried kindness.
I’ve tried condemning you.
I’ve tried offering you salvation.
My patience is expired with you all.
I have only one question for you all.
Why do hate God so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His existence. Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts. My God is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving. Yet still, you curse Him with every word. Everything He hates, you love. Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love! All you do to me is mock me. You never give evidence, you only call yourselves enlightened for your lack of faith. God warns that heathens offer freedom,pleasure,and knowledge, but they are lying. I have offered you eternal life, and you have cursed me. I do not curse you, nor your choices,nor any horrid sin you do. I cry for you. I will weep in the presence of God because of you, and because i could not save of you a single soul. So, my sinful,fallen companions i leave you today with just one question. Why?
May Christ Jesus, The One True God, have mercy on you my friends.
-Christian
I’ve tried
Published by Bobby Henderson November 11th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 363 Comments
363 Responses to “I’ve tried”
please read up on the Babel Fish, it’s reasoning has more logic than you have. Even Richard Dawkins has a point about atheist being a bunch of unorganized stray cats. so why be a priest to the whole, they’ll never listen. And do realise you’re trying to converge a group equal to your religion’s other main competitors.
I’d love seeing you try at a mosque, synagogue or loge or whatever to get people to all embrace your views. you won’t, you’ll never succeed. People naturally have differend opinions and views. and not everyone wants to hear another people’s story. which is contrairy to the lie that you’ve been told at church that all people are born to linger to the word of god. Just be happy with the christians allready there. if god wanted us all to hear about this holy word he could also just for once open his mouth and speak to us. It’s just people talking now with arrogance in their heart because of a book now. And trying to converge is most arrogant of all. Peace in mind and heart a blessing granted to view.
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Dear Chris…
I very much agree when you write: “you only call yourselves enlightened for your lack of faith”. I really appreciate this. Not everyone is able to deal with reality. Not everyone is curious and inquisitive enough as to question everything. So yes, were are in fact enlightened. Thanks for noticing it.
As for your kindness, I feel your attempt it is very much empty and forced by fear. I rather had you try respect.
Condemning you [I/us]? You can keep trying. Not even the imaginary friend you call god can do that… Maybe His Noodliness will condemn you! Just a joke! He loves you and wants you to live a happy a fruitful life (as opposed to a fearful one.)
may his noodly force be with you
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Wow-zers… This one left me speechless… I… I… I don’t really know how to react except with aghast outrage… Correct me if I am wrong, but I don’t beleive we have ever say we hated Christians? I hate the DOGMA of religion and the hate-filled attitudes it instills in some folks… I take some comfort in the fact that my own Christian friends respect me for who I am and not which invisible all-powerful deity(ies) (however delicious or otherwise noodly they are) that I believe in. In times such as the ones we live in humanity needs to stand together… I fear for humanity if this is how we must behave towards eachother… Ah well… Se la vie I suppose…
RAmen!
Cap’m RedTom
P.S.: I believe that somewhere in the bible it says something like “don’t hate or CONDEMN someone on account of their beliefs” think on that if you will Christian… It’s a paraphrase of y your Book that you were talking about, Think on it!!
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P.P.S.: oh, and sorry about the typos on the above post… I have been typing this on my iPod Touch and I have huge thumbs on a tiny keyboard…
Anyway…
RAmen!
Cap’m RedTom
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God never did anything to confirm his existence, hence I doubt
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It is sanctimonious drivel like yours, christian that simply re-affirms my absolute belief that you and the rest of your misguided chums are completely and utterly off your rockers. Try getting a life. Soon. This is it, and you are wasting yours.
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I am truly sorry for the hateful words my fellow Christians have written here.
My own understanding of God is based on love and compassion, not fear and hate and ignorance. I believe the best way to honour Him is to be a good example for others, by caring for and helping others, not by forcing your beliefs on them. I therefore applaud your continuing efforts to expose the power structure within Christianity, and the people who uses His name to oppress others.
My blessings to you all, I think you can do more for all us peaceful Christians from the outside than we can do ourselves from within.
Sincerely
Magdala from Sweden
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My Friend,
I can only pray that the great Flying Spaghetti Monster, the one true deity, takes you into his appendages and forgives you for trying to convert his followers away from the one true religion. Luckily, He is a kind deity who does not cast non-followers into awful torment by default.
Tastiness be with you,
Brother in His Noodliness
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I’ve tried giving evidence for God.
And failed miserably.
I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.
Ditto.
I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.
Stale beer and VD are tragic, true.
I’ve tried kindness.
Liar.
I’ve tried condemning you.
Well, that much is true.
I’ve tried offering you salvation.
When last I checked, that’s not your job.
My patience is expired with you all.
And it’s expensive to renew, so I’m told.
I have only one question for you all.
Pray tell, what is this question?
Why do hate God so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His existence.
That’s two questions, really, or not a question at all, seeing as you didn’t finish the sentence with one of these guys: ?.
Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts.
Wow. You don’t love people that aren’t in your Bible? Worse, you don’t KNOW people that aren’t in your Bible? You need to get out more.
My God is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving.
More so than you, it would appear.
Yet still, you curse Him with every word.
Nuh-uh.
Everything He hates, you love.
?
Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love!
Yes yes yes oh god yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.
All you do to me is mock me.
Not true. I go to work as well.
You never give evidence, you only call yourselves enlightened for your lack of faith.
We have a graph, silly. Where is your graph?
God warns that heathens offer freedom,pleasure,and knowledge, but they are lying.
These things need warnings?
I have offered you eternal life, and you have cursed me.
Again, not your job, last I checked.
I do not curse you, nor your choices,nor any horrid sin you do.
Thank you so much.
I cry for you.
Need a hankie?
I will weep in the presence of God because of you, and because i could not save of you a single soul.
Don’t be so sure of that.
So, my sinful,fallen companions i leave you today with just one question.
You’ve already asked two questions. You want ANOTHER one?
Why?
In the words of the immortal 20th century philosopher Bluto Blutarsky, “Why not?”
May Christ Jesus, The One True God, have mercy on you my friends.
I won’t hold my breath.
-Christian
That much is certain.
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See Christian, Magdala of Sweden gets it. Why can’t you? Thank you Magdala!
Christian you should stop being such a buttinski and just get on with your own worshiping and rapture and whatever, and leave those who don’t believe alone. It’s not up to you or anyone else to save our souls.
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I truly appreciate your attempts to “save” us. But, if we have chosen a life that in your mind will lead to eternal damnation and an afterlife of horrors, then why should you doubt our choice? We have not tried to convert you. We have not tried to “save” you. We let you live with your choice. Almost all religions see every follower of every other religion as a sinner that will suffer for their sins in the afterlife. Everyone is a sinner in someone’s eyes. Trying to “save” everyone is a goal that cannot be achieved by anyone. People born into a religion cannot be called a sinner for they have never made a choice. So, I ask you, why do you try to convert us to your religion when as soon as we join you another person will take your place and try to convert us to their religion? They will say the same things: “you will be damned in the afterlife”, “you have chosen a horrid lifestyle”, “you are a terrible sinner”. So why believe you? What makes your choice the best choice? What makes you the almighty savior of us sinners? What proof do you have that cannot be produced by any other religion that supports your cause? Every religion has its bible. Every religion has its story. Every religion differs in just enough ways to forget all the similarities between them. Why is your religion the right one? Answer these question I have asked and then, and only then, will I consider you anything resembling a “savior” to me.
Sincerely,
Bobtehevlmol
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By far the best spelling from any Christian visitor goes to Magdala, post #207, who ironically is from Sweden so congratulations to you, a fine example to the rest of you potty-mouthed children who don’t know much yet.
All Hail His Noodly Lordship The FSM.
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“Jesus the one true God” What?!?! wait a minute that’s retarded even for christians! Isn’t jesus just one part of their trinity? And if he is wouldn’t it have to be “Jesus: one the three true gods??” Seems to me this guy is too confused about his own religion. My response to him is learn your stuff first, THEN post on the internet.
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Hi Christian,
You say “I will weep in the presence of God because of you, and because i could not save of you a single soul.”
What on earth or in heaven makes you think that you are responsible or even capable of saving our souls? Your own Bible (and yes, I have studied it) states categorically that it is Jesus who saves through Faith and that faith is a gift from God. It seems to be You who has the wrong end of the stick here my friend.
PastaTux
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god hates sex? so anyone that reproduces goes to hell?
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I’ve tried eating Pasta.
It worked; I have been touched by his noodly appendage.
Looks like you went to a lot more trouble than me, and who’s better off now?
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“Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love!”
Yes, no, yes, no, yes and no!
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“My own understanding of God is based on love and compassion, not fear and hate and ignorance.”
Then you don’t know your Bible.
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Good call, Troya, Good call.
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@Christian
What is your “Book”?
I will assume that it is the King James translation of the Vulgate New Testament and the Masoretic Hebrew scriptures. I do not know sufficient Latin to say anything about the Vulgate, but I can read the Hebrew, and I must tell you that the English is a bad translation. I suspect that you cannot read the Book in the original, and so you do not know anything about what it really says. You would then be trusting some anonymous twelfth century scribe who thought that he knew what it should say.
What is hateful to you, do not do to others. (All the rest is commentary – go and learn it) Hillel
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Remember that the first commandment is,”Be fruitful and multiply”.
Therefore, gd loves sex and mathematics.
RAmen
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Remember that the first commandment is,”Be fruitful and multiply”.
Therefore gd love sex and mathematics.
RAmen
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Doll, if ya want a population, ya need sex. and your the ones hating us. ;P
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poor wayward soul.
You don’t realize that you are the one who has been fooled. You don’t realize that your idolatry will be your own undoing. You need to break the strands of bondage and accept the Flying Spaghetti Monster into your collander, lest ye be made ta walk the plank.
You can still escape your fate. All things are pasta bowl through him. Cast off your false god and rejoice in the truth.
Eternity is a long time to live with stale beer, strippers with VD, and ever so many sharks.
-a concerned pastafarian
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It cracks me up, because they’re saying “You never give evidence.”
I’m just a fan of irony, I suppose.
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After 225 comments (which I have not read) why does he not change his tune and hate atheists and muslems? I guess he must be tuckered out from all the saving of others.
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Sex is good we kind of need it. When did we say we were warmongers, I for one hate war even that damn card game version. Didn’t your bible say not to condemn others less you be condemned. Maybe it was just the judging others.
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Chris, (May I call you Chris?)
Maybe you haven’t tried hard enough.
Try reading our gospel to find our weaknesses. Try talking like a pirate, ye bloke! Try reading other points of view. Try questioning your inability to understand the lowly blasphemers. Buck up you lubber, your religion requires it!
Yeah, try it.
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The very point of Pastafarianism is to emphasize that there is no evidence that God exists, just as there is no evidence that the great FSM exists. I condemn the existence of neither, for they both seem about as likely; a bunch of flying noodles, or an invisible, all powerful creature with no sex, and a kid. I agree with the other Pastafarians that, yeah, you need sex. I mean, COME ON. Yet I also disagree with your statement about war. Were there not a number of wars fought “in the name of God”? I seem to recall a number of bloody and violent holy wars called the “Crusades” fought between the Christians and the Muslims in the 11th, 12th, and 13th centureis (BC), though I may be wrong. I’m also pretty sure that those wars were STARTED by the Christians in an attempt to take back LAND (talk about materialistic) from the Muslims. It is likely that more blood loss has been caused by Christians then by any other religion of this Earth. And your comment about hate, we do not hate, we just don’t BELIEVE. As for eternal life, I would rather live this life that I KNOW I have, as grandly as possible, rather than living in the shadow of a strict religion my entire life. Be there an afterlife, (and I think there must be) then I am sure that God, or the FDM, or any deity, will not deny me entry just because I do not believe in him. Would you hate me if I said I did not believe YOU existed? I think you would just be a little confused and freaked out. And as I end this comment, I answer your: “why”. In return, I ask you the same question, WHY? Why do you believe that we are damned, merely because we choose to have a little fun in our lives? If indeed there is a God, I think he will definitely have a sense of humor, for according to you’re bible, “we are created in his image”, and I know most of us love a good joke.
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“Everything He hates, you love”?
Then he must really despise root beer, because I think it’s awesome.
Also, I know I’m not the first to note the delicious flavorific irony of a god that hates hate, but it’s the kind of dessert that makes you check the scale the next morning.
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He’s done nothing. That is why we doubt his existence!
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His “god” isn’t any better than ours. Keep believing my fellow pastafars.
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u no, God (FSM!) cares more for his people. In heaven, he gives them the pleasure of a Stripper Factory and a Beer Volcano.
RAmen
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What evidence is there of “god”?
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We don’t hate god, we believe that god is a flying speggati monster.
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I don’t hate god,I worship Him,I worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster.Why my god would be less tru than yours?
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Face it he’s talking bollocks, where are those crack pretzel ninja assassins when you need them?
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If your god created everything, then he created the FSMism, and the one and only reason to do that is because he believes in the FSM.
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I don’t hate God, I just don’t believe in him. It’s a completely different thing.
We never give evidence? Do you?
We love sex? Strangely i think most christians do too…
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When did we say we hate God and the Bible?
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God invented hate, murder, child molesters, sex, drugs, sodomy (yum), books with swear words and menstruation, sausage gravy (yum again), cholesterol, death, smelly old grandmas, spiders…etc, ad nauseum, according to Christian beliefs. So if you love God and all his glory, all of the above must be included. Cholesterol lover.
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hey since when do you have the authority to grant eternal life?
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I find it absolutely hilarious that there are people out there (conservative Christians, cough, cough.) That think this is a real religion. It started as a joke, probably between a group of friends, a member of the aforementioned group contacted the school board and it grew from there. None, I repeat, None, of this is in any way a real religion, regardless of how much I wish it was. It’s an inside joke, only known by non-retarded people. So all your Christiacathlomormons out there who think this is blasphemy, save your downs-syndrome influenced retorts and suck on my butt-crack.
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And about what God just finished saying, I’m not so sure that I’m interested in believing in a God that isn’t secure enough in its own omnipresence and omniscience that is would send any of its questioners into an unforgiving fire-hole. So until an actual religious person replies to this without using a religiously influenced debate barricade, I’m gonna go have sex with a child, and set your grandma on fire.
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Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.
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Hey God. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll shut up about the FSM and never promote His noodly appendages again if you, or anyone can show me evidence as to why the FSM does not exist, that cannot also be used to disprove your god(s).
Peace and Long Life,
Zane
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Hey hey now #244/Jesus, number four of the Eight I’d Really Rather You Didn’t clearly states “I’d really rather you didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity.” Having sex with a child is in direct violation of His Holy Noodleness.
This coming from a hybrid believer (follower of Christ and God, follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, follower of the Invisible Pink Unicorn).
And why not? We can all get along together just fine :)
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I didn’t read all of the comments, but did anyone pay attention to these lines?
“Everything He hates, you love.
Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love!”
Apparently God hates those who hate, therefore he hates himself.
At least I can sleep safely tonight knowing that we will never have to hear from this persons children (as God hates sex)
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shit. if god hates hate i think he just imploded.
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It’s not true, god loves sex. God did command Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. His priests have been enjoying sex ever since. Also, if priests are to be the example, children are to be included in the joy of sex without regard to the sex of the child. So, God also loves homosexuality.
God loves hate, Christians have been promoting hate since the dawn of their religion. They are as good at it as the fanatical fallowers of Allah. Without hate how can you have a good war. History shows that God loves war, there was more than just one crusade.
Blasphemy, of others’ religions, and mockery lead to hate.
the only thing God does hate is death. He can’t have people just quit being. So God created heaven and hell. Heaven to torture the boring with boredom forever. Hell to burn the ones who managed to have fun in their life.
Maybe god created heaven so the gullable would kiss his ass forever.
I haven’t seen anything in life to show God is good, merciful, or loving.
I just thought a thought i never thought before.
Sex was God’s punishment for the knowledge of good and evil.
I wonder if christians think that if they get rid of knowledge and sex God will bring back the garden of eden.
If God is a male and The first one god creates in his image is another male, does that mean God is Gay?
May FSM nourish all
RAmen
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