I’ve tried

I’ve tried giving evidence for God.
I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.
I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.
I’ve tried kindness.
I’ve tried condemning you.
I’ve tried offering you salvation.
My patience is expired with you all.
I have only one question for you all.
Why do hate God so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His existence. Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts. My God is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving. Yet still, you curse Him with every word. Everything He hates, you love. Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love! All you do to me is mock me. You never give evidence, you only call yourselves enlightened for your lack of faith. God warns that heathens offer freedom,pleasure,and knowledge, but they are lying. I have offered you eternal life, and you have cursed me. I do not curse you, nor your choices,nor any horrid sin you do. I cry for you. I will weep in the presence of God because of you, and because i could not save of you a single soul. So, my sinful,fallen companions i leave you today with just one question. Why?
May Christ Jesus, The One True God, have mercy on you my friends.
-Christian

363 Responses to “I’ve tried”

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  1. 51 - Michael T - Nov 11th, 2008

    Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnn…

    Obviously Christian hasn’t tried enough since we’re all still part of the great unwashed. How disappointing your efforts have been, Christian…you must not be doing something right. I mean, if people all over the world are being drawn into Christianity every day, what’s up with you, Christian? Your batting average in this ballpark appears to be .000. Why are you falling so far short, hmmmm? How many times have you failed your God today?
    .
    What I find especially interesting is this reflexive need that Christians seem to have to prevent the rest of us from going to Hell, even though it doesn’t affect them in the least if we go there or not. Think about it…have you ever seen a “true believer”, a hard-core Evangelical, say, “Oh, you’re going to Hell? Well have fun, bucko! Don’t let Satan’s gate hit your ass on the way in! No skin off my nose!”
    .
    And to quote Denis Leary: “And you know what Hell is, folks…it’s Andy Gibb singing ‘Shadow Dancing’ for EONS and EONS…and you have to wear orange plaid bellbottoms, and you have to sit next to the Bay City Rollers. ‘How’re you guys doing, this is gonna SUCK!!!’” Well, if we are going to Hell, at least we’ve got great people like Richard Nixon and Jerry Falwell making the place nice & spiffy for us.

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  2. 52 - Marcus Aurelius - Nov 11th, 2008

    He was being serious…? What a loser.

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  3. 53 - Christian - Nov 11th, 2008

    dear St Jason
    you have no right to the holy title. And God said they OFFER it. They say they have freedom and fun and no rules,easy living. But they are lying. Are you honestly happy just cruising through life have sex and drinking beer and making fun of christians. I’ll give you that most christians don’t live up to God’s standards. And ill give you that sometimes were a bit preachy. I’ll even give you that i’ve been a bit vain and prideful in my conversations with you all. All im saying here, all im trying to get across, is that Jesus loves everyone, and all He asks in return is that you return the favor by loving Him and following His commandments. If your so disappointed with Christian morality, why not trying being a better christian than they are, who knows they might catch on. I’m sorry if I’ve been ranting at you all, i really meant no harm. All i want is for you to sit down and say to yourselves “you know, this God person isn’t half bad”. All our doctrines and scriptures and even our code of morals revolves around that one point. Not to say they aren’t important, but the most important thing anyone can do is say that God exists, God is the biblical God, and God loves all those who love Him and tries to make those who don’t love Him do. If that simple message of Godliness and Christianess offended you, then I’m sorry for wasting your time. May Christ give you happiness in all days, Amen, yes verily so, Amen.

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  4. 54 - OckhamsRazor - Nov 11th, 2008

    Some of you could lighten up a bit on Chris. I mean really. If you took a baby from a crib and got it addicted to heroin, would you chastise the kid when it grew up as a heroin addict?

    This is no different.

    Good luck with your addiction, Chris. Many of us are cheering for you to pull out of it.

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  5. 55 - patrick - Nov 11th, 2008

    my opinion is this religion is thinly disguised philosophy
    as such it must be viewed as such even spagetti monsterism
    i agree with spagetti monsterisms attitude: none of the holier than thou bull shit
    Any belief adopted is unique and possibly sacred to a person and i can’t refute them. if i told you water was making me live forever you could tell me in a million different ways it isnt but it is i who must refute and change my idea
    Now this doesnt mean their shouldn’t be debate between beliefs but their should be respect.
    I have listened to people rattle on about differnt ideas and beliefs some of my friend tell me how the world series was going to end even though i disagreed i listened out of respect for my friend and the possibility he might bring up an axiom that would change my view (did i use axiom right it doe’s seem to be a bit of a strech if not (he might have said something that would change my mind))

    mythology started as a way to explain what they couldnt explain the poportion of myths that started to explain things that were understood is poportionately less
    I see mythology as a way to cope with things people didn’t understand and one of the creations of mythology was gods and with gods came religion.
    and science has found explanation for things that were once attributed to god/gods/goddesses
    i believe fact and reason above religion but that doesn’t mean i give up on the positive ideals that have been created and maintained for thousands of years

    anyway just try and respect peoples ideals and don’t kill yourself trying to convince us mindless refutes have no place whatsoever bring up arguments plead but don’t tell me i am wrong beacause i don’t agree

    I am not a pastafarian (big grin) I cannot imagine ever worshiping spagetti i am fairly new to the site i am enjoying its humor and the odd genius it expresses I am not sure how literal it was meant.

    so i ask do you really believes in a flying spagetti monster or do you just agree with the ideas that have been set up i may join the forum not as a pastafarian but as philosophic mind

    (Alright this is an end note feel free to give your comments on this post i am poised for criticism as this is the most controversial thing i have ever written i will listen to your ideas but if you try and get me to worship spagetti I will think your a dumbass this is something i am pretty sure you won’t be able to change my mind PLEASE EXCUSE GRAMMER ONLY A NINTH GRADER)

    hey your done reading stop it

    stop reading

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  6. 56 - mv - Nov 11th, 2008

    WOW Christian you give us so quickly. Proof enough your god doesn’t exist. But whether he does or not is irrelevant. We don’t hate god. No one on says that. We disklike pompous jerks like yourself, coming to this site blasting us because we don’t agree with you. You see we all are secure with our faith and have no need to go to your churches or websites and condem you for your hypocrisy. You can still become a memeber here. The FSM loves all, even warped people.

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  7. 57 - Iron Mike - Nov 11th, 2008

    Yada, yada, yada.

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  8. 58 - Pirate_Ed - Nov 11th, 2008

    Funny…..I can picture Christian sitting in the dark at his tiny computer desk in his dorm room, cluttered with bibles, pamphlets, and religious regalia, squishing a twinkie in his boney white fist in anger as he fumes in anger in the glow of his computer screen. At least he ain’t masturbating…..I think :(

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  9. 59 - The Josh - Nov 11th, 2008

    If god hates sex, why did he make it our only means to continue our species?

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  10. 60 - Patrick - Nov 11th, 2008

    Welcome back Christian, I see you enjoyed our site enough to return once again.
    I’m tired of you telling people who don’t think like you that we are sinners, that we hate you and that we hate god. I don’t enjoy hate, much less war and death. But plenty of people who call themselves Christians seem to though. But that’s none of my business, and my beliefs aren’t your business either.
    If Jesus existed, it was not as the savior of man, and I most certainly don’t hate him. If anything, he was an extremely gifted teacher, with a good speaking ability. My only biff with Jesus is that he keeps claiming to be God’s son, but to be honest, I’m pretty sure that that was added later. I could be wrong, I wasn’t around then.
    Your faith began fairly recently, after Judaism, after Buddhism, after Hinduism, yet you claim to be the only purveyor of truth. If your piece of fiction, which might I add, has little to no basis in fact (i.e. miracles, resurrection, 6 days of creation,)had all the answers, then the world wouldn’t be hungry, war would be null and void, communism could function, and Sean Hannity would be in prison. Unfortunately, these images of perfection have not yet been attained, and probably won’t.
    Sex, pleasure, knowledge, all sound like pretty good aims to me. Sex isn’t debauchery in moderation, it’s a joyful experience between two (or more, none of my business) people who both agree to the act. Pleasure makes life enjoyable. The God you present doesn’t seem to be into making life enjoyable. Knowledge allows us to speak about issues with the backing of fact, to be confident in truth based on reality. Knowledge has provided many wonderful conversations between many great people. If God forbade knowledge in the garden of Eden, then i think I would be more happy here then in Eden. I enjoy knowledge and acquiring more of it.
    Humanity doesn’t need a savior. If we needed outside help from a God based on our natural tendencies, then he would’ve come by now. I take pride in believing I can do good without the will of god behind me. I enjoy making decisions based on how it will affect a good life now as opposed to a good life after I die.

    In summation:
    I don’t hate your god, I don’t believe he exists.
    I don’t hate the bible, but I don’t take it as fact or viable evidence to what you claim.
    War sucks, so does dieing. I don’t love those, but I do love sex, love, knowledge and pleasure.
    I don’t want you to cry for me. You have better things to do with your time.
    And I’m tired of you telling me I’m wrong. You don’t know me. Fuck off, and espouse your propaganda on Hell somewhere else.
    RAmen

    Patrick

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  11. 61 - Patrick - Nov 11th, 2008

    When I say that the savior would’ve come by now, I meant so would the benefits, which haven’t happened, and I don’t think will.

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  12. 62 - Zinc Alloy - Nov 11th, 2008

    Christian, you’re not very bright.

    What did god do to us for us to doubt his existence? Nothing, obviously.
    Had he done anything we would not have been able to doubt his existence.

    As for us loving hate, war and all things you consider bad, how do you come to this conclusion? We are against war and hate. I believe the odd Christian or two has been quite keen on war though. Hate seems to be right up their street too.

    Your own god seems to get a fair bit of pleasure out of death as well if the old testament is anything to go by.

    Check out our book and see if you can find any smiting, killing of innocent children and general atrocities that today would be considered genocide. You won’t find any.

    But I do know a book where the main character, a fella with very low self esteem who calls himself god commits all these disgusting crimes against humanity. Can you guess what book I’m talking about?

    You see, the problem with halfwitted religious types is they only want to take the bits of their religion that suits them, rather than take the whole deal on board. And who can blame them when you look at how awlful the whole deal is? We don’t have that problem as there is no hate in our book.

    Also, what is it with Christians and a lack of a sense of humour? Your god must be very dull company (unless you find smiting fun). The FSM at least has a cheeky sense of humour as can be seen by His interference in scientific tests with His invisible Noodly Appendages.

    You’re going to be very disappointed when you kick the bucket to find…nothing.;-)

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  13. 63 - Paul - Nov 11th, 2008

    seriously, i’m tired of “christians” talking down to readers. as a fellow christian, i don’t think that kind of tone works with real people with real problems. any such attempt will only be met with disbelief and mocking. because of you and people like you, “the lost” are learning to reject the truth instead of accepting it.

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  14. 64 - Cape Buffalo - Nov 11th, 2008

    Mitch (Post number 22). You are awesome!

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  15. 65 - cjames - Nov 11th, 2008

    “I have offered you eternal life, and you have cursed me.”

    Damn.
    Does that mean I missed my chance to be a flesh-eating vampire who worships a zombie?

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  16. 66 - Lord Shplane - Nov 11th, 2008

    @ “Christian”

    Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. You’ve only read the three pages of the Bible your preacher pointed out to you, haven’t you?

    Protip: Actually learn about your religion before you preach at people about it. You might end up quite a bit less “faithful” after a quick gander at Leviticus or some of the things Jesus tells his followers to do.

    @ “Mitch”


    Your name is Mitch but you say you were a good daughter and girlfriend I am confuesed. fffffffffffffff

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  17. 67 - jeremykeys - Nov 11th, 2008

    Oh Christian. I really do feel sorry for you. It must be absolutely terrible to know that there is another world out there that is not kept out of sight and out of mind for all those people except you. To realize that you will never feel the joy of having a beautiful wench on your lap and a fresh cold beer in your hand. To have the commeradery (sic) of free thinking friends. To be able to learn about anything you want to without fear of reprisals. It saddens me a lot. You have the absolute belief that all the tiny bit you know is all that you need to know. So shallow. The world is a vast and marvellous place, Christian. You would be well advised to learn about as much of it and it’s peoples as you possibly can. You say you have offered us proof. I’ve read every one of your posts and as of yet have not seen anything approaching proof. I don’t even think you have an inkling of what proof is. Proof is something someone can see and touch. It has to be tangible. I can prove a pencil exists because I can poke you in the eye with it. For me, I need hard and fast proof that God exists in order for me to take you seriously. I’ve got an idea. How about you get your God to come and visit me; sit on my sofa, share a beer or two and then take me to a point in space so I can see the entire universe that he supposedly created. Then I’d like to see some other intelligent lifeforms on other planets. Then a real miracle. Like maybe get the Toronto Maple Leafs to win the Stanley Cup. That’s a hockey thing in case you don’t know. After that, then I’d say your God exists because I would have had proof. I would also like to be able to ask him a bunch of questions; the first being, “Why do you allow people with an I.Q. of less than 90 to breed? Are stupid people really all that necessary?” Of course he would answer with a yes. “Who else what follow me?”
    Sorry, but I had too. Your religion is run by liers and scam artists. You tele-evangelists should all be shot. The amount of money they suck out of poor stupid people is simply staggering. If that money was instead used to help the homeless and hungry instead of being totally wasted on huge mansions and fancy cars I would have at least some respect for your religion. Not much but some. And another thing. Explain to me why so very many of your Priests Have this perverted thing for sexually abusing young boys. This happens a lot and you don’t see very many of the Priests getting punished the way they should be. Shot and pissed on is just a start. If your faith is as strong as you say it is I propose a test. I think you should Google the movie Zeitgeist. After that, go to youtube and check out ht History channel’s program “Who Wrote the Bible?” I doubt that you will though. You’re probably too afraid to find out just exactly how strong you faith is.

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  18. 68 - Kryllyn - Nov 11th, 2008

    Christian,

    Have you read the bible? Both the old and new testaments? Do you know what you’re talking about? Or are just parroting what other religious people are saying?

    If you have read the bible, which I don’t think you have, I would hope that you would be disgusted by that drivel. So, start from the beginning and read the old and new testament. Then you will see why we want nothing to do with your “god”

    ——————-
    I’ve tried giving evidence for God.
    I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.
    I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.
    I’ve tried kindness.
    I’ve tried condemning you.
    I’ve tried offering you salvation.

    My God is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving
    ——————-

    1) Sorry, other than your bible, there is no evidence of “god”

    2) What benefits? I don’t see any. Nor would I want to give up my freewill for any benefit.

    3) If “god” loves us and forgives us, then what is the purpose of hell? Your “god” is like a child, who wants something so badly, and if he doesn’t get it, he throws a temper tantrum. Seems very mature to me.

    4) You tried to show us kindness and then condemnation? Again with the maturity factor. That’s like saying: “Awww please accept Jesus, he loves you. What? You don’t! Then FUCK YOU!!! You are going to burn in HELL!!!” Can you see why we don’t take religion seriously?

    5) You tried to offer us salvation? Why do you think we need it? In return, we’d like to offer you rationality. Try it, it’s fun.

    I do not hate your “god” as there is no evidence that your “god” even exists. What I hate is the concept of “god” according to all the religious scriptures. Books that were created thousands of years ago by superstitious men, who did not know anything or any better. We as a species are learning so much about the universe, our planet, all the forms of life and ourselves. I hate to see any knowledge retarded by scribblings of superstitious men.

    Don’t you think that if there was a “god”, that “god” would want us to grow mentally? Wouldn’t you think he would want the best for us, without getting in our way? The “god” in the bible is always killing and subjugating humans. Would you really want to bow down to a “god” that would torture you forever, if you did not accept him? To me that is abuse. Have you ever heard of the Battered Wife Syndrome? Look it up. Your “god” and all the people in the bible would make a great case study on the subject.

    The best thing you can do is think for yourself. Your “god” tells you not to think, but to follow blindly.

    So, does that answer your question of “why?”

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  19. 69 - Aristotle - Nov 12th, 2008

    What is this evidence of which you speak?

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  20. 70 - Ron - Nov 12th, 2008

    OK, Christian, the real problem here, is that we can’t help you. We can’t give you the acceptance, reassurance, and affirmation you’re looking for; just as we’re not responsible for your rage, your pain, and your fear. We’re just something convenient for you to focus it on. There is no communication, here; just ranting. It may make you feel better, but ranting at people is rarely an effective way of reaching out to others.
    So, rant on, Christian. But when you eventually get tired of failure and rejection (we can hope, after all), try this: go to Wikkipedia and read everything you can find there about ‘logic’.
    It won’t make a huge difference. It won’t change anything. It certainly won’t change your mind. It will, however, give you some basic tools for communicating with others without sounding like a fanatical looney.
    Good Luck.

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  21. 71 - Wench Nikkiee - Nov 12th, 2008

    Goodbye Christian. Remember not to eat rock badger should you be offered any. They are unclean!

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  22. 72 - JorickHorn - Nov 12th, 2008

    “I’ve tried giving evidence for God.”
    You failed. There is none.

    “I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.”
    Non-existent benefits are no better than a total lack of benefits.

    “I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.”
    And I’ve tried to tell you, if you don’t put your toys away, the boogeyman will take them.

    “I’ve tried kindness.”
    Shouldn’t that be your one and only method?

    “I’ve tried condemning you.”
    Need I say more?

    “I’ve tried offering you salvation.”
    It’s been offered me before. I wash my hands of such silliness.

    “My patience is expired with you all.”
    Oooooh!

    “I have only one question for you all.
    Why do hate God so much,what did He do to you to make you doubt His existence.”
    He didn’t do anything, that’s the point. An existing God ought to do stuff.

    “Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts.”

    It’s a loathsome book. If you read it without slanting your mind, you’d see that.

    “My God is great, He is kind, and He is forgiving.”
    Not in your bible.

    “Yet still, you curse Him with every word. Everything He hates, you love. Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love!”
    He created the universe didn’t he? Why are those concepts possible? Why are they even conceivable? It’s downright silly.

    “All you do to me is mock me. You never give evidence, you only call yourselves enlightened for your lack of faith.”
    We constantly give evidence. You have never given a shred. Faith is no virtue. It is a synonym for gullibility.

    “God warns that heathens offer freedom,pleasure,and knowledge, but they are lying.”
    No, the founders of your cult warned that. They knew smart people existed, so they wanted to discredit us.

    “I have offered you eternal life, and you have cursed me. I do not curse you, nor your choices,nor any horrid sin you do. I cry for you. I will weep in the presence of God because of you, and because i could not save of you a single soul.”
    Spare me your pity, I have no need of it. Besides, do you really want to live forever? That’s a really bloody long time.

    “So, my sinful, fallen companions i leave you today with just one question. Why?”
    Because I have a rational mind. I am not fooled by cult trickery. I am convinced only by evidence. The evidence is against you, my friend, and I pray you will find his noodleyness before you are doomed to a heaven with a slightly stale beer volcano, and strippers less pleasing to your eyes.

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  23. 73 - daqq - Nov 12th, 2008

    Wow…you have some messiah complex.

    Lines 1-4 = epic fail.

    All this stuff about mocking you… well… you are actually mocking us (well, our GOD, our belief system, our principles, some people personally, scientific evidence), so we’re just returning the favor. And, well, if with every word out of your mouth comes a great deal of crap out, well, you deserve to be mocked. Sorry, that’s just the way things are.

    Oh, and how in the world did you figure out that we love WAR? Or death for that matter. I don’t like war, but christians seem to enjoy it, if it’s “for a good cause (like spreading religion…their religion ofcourse”)”.

    As for death, who’s more fond of it than religious people? For me, it’s the end to a life I’ve worked so hard on. Then oblivion (or beer volcanoes). For religious people it’s the time they get to meet their god/gods.

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  24. 74 - able semen - Nov 12th, 2008

    Hi christian the not very christian

    Very impressed by your evangelical staying power – 3 days on the cross of the fsm site and you’ve given up – well done. Your lord and master will be very proud of you. Whoops I shoudln’t have said that – you might become a committed anti-FSMer now – and we’ll never get rid of you.

    I take it is hasn’t dawned on you yet that this site is about the teaching of ID in science classes – not a devil worshipping cult. You probably didn’t understand that as you only seem to talk bollocks.

    Bye and thanks for the entertainment.

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  25. 75 - Arve - Nov 12th, 2008

    Christian: What ARE the benefits of the christian god, anyway? An eternal afterlife has to get boring some day… Oh, wait, right, by beleiving in the christian god, we wouldn’t have to go to hell – uh, but don’t we have to be christians to go there in the first place?
    Very kind of you to threaten us with that, and a nice touch with some condemnation on the side. Now I know you’re an agent of true christian love. Remember, the FSM on the other hand loves one and all – as the penne rigate is my witness. You’ll hear no hate-propaganda from His Noodliness. That you seem to think we hate your god or your holy fairytale is a cause for concern, but that is, in the end, your problem, not mine.
    Cry for us all you like, but keep in mind that the FSM won’t send you to hell just because you don’t beleive in Him. You can still be saved from the christian brain-washing you seem to have endured.

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  26. 76 - Captain Philaaarrrrhhh! - Nov 12th, 2008

    @Erik:

    “I’ve tried kindness.
    - I appreciate your kindness and the politeness of your post. I’ll try to return the favor.

    I’ve tried condemning you.
    - Fuck you.”

    XD! That’s Gold!

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  27. 77 - Barnacle Jayne - Nov 12th, 2008

    “I’ve tried giving evidence for God.”
    And… you failed.

    “I’ve tried kindness.”
    I missed that!

    “My patience is expired with you all.”
    Then… GO AWAY!

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  28. 78 - Bx 32 - Nov 12th, 2008

    Great another hypocrite, you haven’t provided any evidence. And don’t say the Bible, that is not evidence, that is a fairy tale book. Come up with some actual non-supernatural evidence that will prove without a doubt that god exists, and then we will believe you.

    Ramen Mateys!

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  29. 79 - billy wright the “crazy artist” - Nov 12th, 2008

    “Everything I know, everything I love, is in a Book you hate with all your hearts.”
    Hmmm….Book…?

    I wonder what book he’s talking about…

    …I know!
    I bet the book he’s talking about is Harry Potter seven, the Deathly Hallows! It’s all so clear now! “Everything I know, everything I love…” I don’t hate that book, I love it to! It’s an awesome book! I guess Christian isn’t such a bad guy after all if he’s a fan of Harry Potter.

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  30. 80 - Commodore Angryy - Nov 12th, 2008

    I’ve tried giving evidence against God.
    I’ve tried telling you the horrors of faith.
    I’ve tried telling you the benefits of logic.
    I’ve tried kindness.
    I’ve never tried condemning you.
    I’ve tried offering you a life without fear of wrath.
    My patience will never expire, for I live for a cause.

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  31. 81 - DogMa - Nov 12th, 2008

    Dude, if you want to do some saving, head over to http://www.tarvu.com/ I think they may want to hear from you, and, it’s so easy to join!!

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  32. 82 - Jochem Atteveld - Nov 12th, 2008

    First, Christian, I like the fact that you apparently read the comments to your last mail.
    You say we hate God. But how can we hate something we don’t believe in? It would be like hating orcs or fairies. Also, you say: “Sex,war,blasphemy,hate,mockery, even death you love!”
    Well, I have no problems with sex, as long as both individuals participating in it are condescending, and blasphemy is, to quote Richard Dawkins: “A crime without a victim”. Humour usually finds it’s basis in mockery.
    I am a pacifist, and funnily enough it appears christian and muslim conservatives are the most war hungry people at the moment, as they have been for thousands of years.
    Finally, you say I love death. Well, I’m not the one offering people a paradise after their deaths…

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  33. 83 - zapper - Nov 12th, 2008

    Christian leaves us today with just one question: “Why?”

    Tells me he’ll be back!

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  34. 84 - noodleguy - Nov 12th, 2008

    I’ve tried giving evidence for God.
    –There is no evidence for God. It requires faith. And I refuse to accept an idealogy based entirely on faith in some unseeable, unkowable tinker bell.
    I’ve tried telling you the benefits of God.
    –Like what? Do what we say and you get to go to Heaven? Sorry, Pastafarianism is just as likely as your relgion, and we have beer volcanoes and stripper factories. We win.
    I’ve tried telling you the horrors of Hell.
    –Yeah, that helped dissuade me a lot. Why belong to a religion that’s going to get you eternally damned? Not to mention that this is just scare tactics “Believe in us or ELSE.” No thanks.
    I’ve tried kindness.
    –No, you haven’t.
    I’ve tried condemning you.
    –Yup, you have. And I’m not sure what twisted universe you live in where condemning someone makes them want to believe you.
    I’ve tried offering you salvation.
    –False salvation. This depends on us believeing in your God, which we don’t. Therefore we have no fear of hell nor lust for salvation.

    What kind of reason is that to worship a God anyway. “If you don’t I’ll make your life hell, literally!” There’s nothing worth worshiping there. If there was a God and that was his philosophy I’d probably go to Hell just to spite Him.

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  35. 85 - Lori - Nov 12th, 2008

    If you want control over a population, if you want them to voluntarily give you their money, to voluntarily fight wars which will give you more land and power… what do you think the best tool would be to convince them? Provide a solution to calm their ultimate fear: death. Provide a means of salvation which coincidentally will provide you with all the money/land/power you crave.
    Organized religion is purely political. A clever means to an end. Perhaps necessary in the grand scheme of things to get mankind moving forward, out of the caves and into the skyscrapers. To keep them from stealing, killing, and hurting each other needlessly, when, if directed appropriately, there’s money to be made. Just ask Dick Cheney.
    Of course there is a “higher power” at work. It’s the humans who grab onto that concept and turn it into a marketing tool for their own gain that I have a problem with. And none seem so effective at selling their product these days than xians. Nothing new, it’s all been seen before.
    FSM has different goals. It’s a modern conveyance, using the power of the internet, to expose the heartless swindlers and bring about a revolution of insight. And the best tool for that? Humor, the highest level of human intellect.
    So lighten up, Christian. Don’t let your religion use you like all the other schmucks throughout history. Be part of the growing global consciousness. You keep visiting this site because it’s what you’re looking for. Now go make some spaghetti, have a beer, and think about it.

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  36. 86 - David - Nov 12th, 2008

    Ok as a start with evidence for our side perhaps go straight to the source “On The Origin of Species”, in case you’re not aware it was a book written by Charles Darwin.

    Seeing as you’re obviously a religious zealot, I’m not going to bother nitpicking all your fun little comments but just give you my view on religion.

    Religion was created to control a population of people at all times by inciting a fear of an invisible being who could be everywhere and catch you out for doing something wrong. Basically it was a set of laws by which people should live their lives and it still is. At least natural selection prevailed and some of us evolved beyond the need for a set of out dated laws.

    Don’t you dare come back and say they aren’t laws. In anticipation of your saying this I’ll provide you with a definition of a “law”:
    1. the principles and regulations established in a community by some authority and applicable to its people, whether in the form of legislation or of custom and policies recognized and enforced by judicial decision.
    2. a system or collection of such rules.
    3. any rule or injunction that must be obeyed
    4. a rule or principle of proper conduct sanctioned by conscience, concepts of natural justice, or the will of a deity

    If you can tell me that religion doesn’t force a set of “laws” upon you then we’ve got our lines crossed somewhere.

    The only difference between your set of laws and real laws put in place by governing bodies, is that the real laws change over time to suit the natural changes that a people have over time.

    We can thank religion for holding us steady for a few hundred years during the dark ages, wow what a friendly sounding name, “dark ages”. You might even get the impression that not progressing as a people is a bad thing.

    As far as what you said, your book is no evidence. At least people have followed up on the book by Darwin, not just interpreted away at it for 2000 years.
    Benefits of god, I see none. the fact your god tolerates people like you leads me to believe he doesn’t exist.
    The next few – well you just don’t get it. The sort of fear or false promises you offer us blindly are the exact thing we oppose. If a higher being deserves my worship it won’t get it by threatening me.

    I will not negotiate with higher beings

    I am still patient with you. Mainly because I don’t ever see you escaping from your living hell of slavery to a god who probably doesn’t exist.

    For the record I don’t hate god. I simply can’t justify any belief in him. Once again I don’t hate the bible, I just think as a moral system for living our lives today, it’s a little outdated.

    Name me three examples that you have witnessed firsthand or have happened to a friend (that is alive and is fictional) of god being kind and forgiving. If you say it, you surely have some kind of evidence to back it up? Was there an article published in the “Journal of Godly Ways”, oh wait, that’s right – it’s not a real journal. it’s completely fake, much like your god. (Note: for those not familiar with the world of science – a journal is the common name given to a publication of scientific works, of which many are published each month)

    I’m sure someone else has covered this but i haven’t had a chance to read ALL the replies yet…God hates sex? maybe we should all stop having it then, oh wait but how do we reproduce? Shit, we better figure out a way to become asexual quick smart before we piss God off anymore with all those pesky byproducts of sex.

    I’m also gonna say i think without religion in the world we’d have a lot less war and a lot less justification for it. Can I count how many wars have been fought “in the name of God”. I’m not a fan of war, don’t assume what you don’t really know. I know it’s a predisposition for any religious person to have to just believe things without any evidence but your just making stuff up now.

    Blasphemy – well of course he’s gonna hate that, cause we’re ragging on him.

    Again I don’t love hate, and if I did love hate would that be verging on a paradox?

    Mockery, i admit i do love mockery, but if people like you could think for yourself then maybe i wouldn’t have to mock you. Clearly mockery is your fault not mine.

    I don’t think I’ve ever referred to myself as “enlightened” seems like a very “religious” term to me. If you really want a bunch of evidence there is more than just the “Origin of the Species” out there, look into journals on evolution and actually weigh up the facts before you start deciding if you believe stuff. Sure i know it is hard to get used to, making an informed decision on basically complete information. it will be hard for you, but I’m sure with enough time your tiny faith loving brain will soon be able to grow into something more….tangible.

    Last time i checked, being free, feeling good and knowing things were all positive traits. Seems like your god wants us to be enslaved, feel bad and ignorant. Seems it’s working just fine for you.

    The one thing you need to understand Christian, we don’t hate you, I even understand why you are the way you are, but we will never be like you. The fact that you can’t grasp that means you truly are ignorant. I feel legitimately sorry for many religious people, in the same way you feel sorry for us. Both of us perceive the other as missing out on something in life. Both of us may be right, one of us may be wrong. I have made my decision and you have made yours.

    I’m not about to force my views onto you and say you need to believe anything I say, you should figure out what is real for yourself. That is what we are all about, making your own choices, not the choices that someone else made for you thousands of years ago. Science encourages questioning, nothing should be taken at face value. A good scientist always digs deeper. I’m sure your life is wrapped up nicely in your book, but you need to look beyond that book. There is more to life, maybe if there is a god he’ll tell you that when you’re dead.

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  37. 87 - Lyvvie - Nov 12th, 2008

    dear St Jason
    you have no right to the holy title.

    You’re not the Pope, so shush.

    And God said they OFFER it. They say they have freedom and fun and no rules, easy living. But they are lying. Are you honestly happy just cruising through life have sex and drinking beer and making fun of christians.

    Who are “they”? Are you sure “they” are lying? Have you tried it out for yourself (If you are of legal age, of course. I am doubtful)? You can’t know for sure until you discount it as fact that sex and beer and antagonizing Christians (And yes that should be capitalized, red pen for you, again.) doesn’t bring a feeling of fun. Although I’ll wager the antagonizing Christians will become less important when the beer kicks in and sex gets slippery.

    I’ll give you that most christians don’t live up to God’s standards. And ill give you that sometimes were a bit preachy. I’ll even give you that i’ve been a bit vain and prideful in my conversations with you all.

    Well, thank you for at least seeing your pious, sanctimonious tone and apologizing for it. But do you see that you are trying to set yourself above other Christians just as you’re trying to set yourself above those of us who do not believe in God? Just there in that sentence? It’s not up to you or anyone to say who is the better Christian that’s only up to the boss, as far as I was lead to believe – right?

    All im saying here, all im trying to get across, is that Jesus loves everyone, and all He asks in return is that you return the favor by loving Him and following His commandments.

    I have a dog that loves everyone and asks for everyone to love him, too. He doesn’t have any rules that I’m expected to follow outside of that love,(Well apart from food, water, walks and to throw the ball a few times a day with him.) which is why he gets it. Besides, I don’t think it was Jesus who made the commandments. You keep getting them confused. Jesus did the beatitudes not the commandments. Your brand of Christianity keeps mixing God and Jesus up so I’m guessing you’re a Baptist. Any other takers?

    If your so disappointed with Christian morality, why not trying being a better christian than they are, who knows they might catch on.

    Is this supposed to be a competition to see who’s going to be the Better Christian? Do you think that’s what God wants? Don’t you see that’s exactly how wars get started? That’s it’s been the excuse used to justify the murder of millions because they didn’t love God well enough or in the right way? Is that what God wanted from us?

    I’m sorry if I’ve been ranting at you all, i really meant no harm. All i want is for you to sit down and say to yourselves “you know, this God person isn’t half bad”.

    I’ve discovered all on my own that I don’t need a god to live a happy life. I don’t need a church to feel I belong. I don’t need a religion to have a higher purpose. Also, I don’t think god is bad, but I think his followers are completely fucked up. That includes you, I’m afraid. Sorry.

    All our doctrines and scriptures and even our code of morals revolves around that one point. Not to say they aren’t important, but the most important thing anyone can do is say that God exists, God is the biblical God, and God loves all those who love Him and tries to make those who don’t love Him do.

    I have excellent morals and I’m an atheist. No really, I promise. It’s a fear mongering preacher that tells his parishioners that Atheists are immoral. It’s a high level manipulation and I hope you’ll be smart enough to realize that. I still think the ten commandments, more or less, are excellent rules to live by. Why do I need church and more religion than that? Why do I have to say God exists? If I say your God exists do I also have to be fair and say all the other Gods exist too? What makes your god more right than any other god?

    If that simple message of Godliness and Christianess offended you, then I’m sorry for wasting your time. May Christ give you happiness in all days, Amen, yes verily so, Amen.

    And that, Chris, falls on deaf ears and lets everyone know you aren’t ever going to be a well-rounded, knowledgeable, open-minded person who can appreciate and ruminate over the opposing issues currently on debate.

    Finally, It’s very annoying to slip into bible-speak in regular conversation. For goodness sake, please cut that shit out.

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  38. 88 - flyingspaghettiapostle - Nov 12th, 2008

    Why are Christians so quick to condemn those who don’t think like them? Want to truly warp a child? Teach them to hold those in higher esteem those who think like them than those who disagree.

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  39. 89 - Wdabrock - Nov 12th, 2008

    @Christian #53,

    I thought you left the building with Elvis?

    Why are you bashing St.Jason, and issuing a mea culpa to the rest of us?
    “I’m sorry if I’ve been ranting at you all, i really meant no harm. All i want is for you to sit down and say to yourselves “you know, this God person isn’t half bad”.

    To St. Jason- The FSM gave you sainthood with the first bowl of St. Chef Boyardee. Continue preaching the Gospel of His Noodly Embrace!

    Christian: We don’t want your false idolotry here. You’re right that God isn’t half bad. If you don’t exist, then you’re not even half there. You need to testify to someone who is on the same page as you.
    THERE ARE NO WEAK-MINDED GIMPS ON THIS WEBSITE!
    Your message isn’t really going to be heard here, so don’t cast your pearls of wisdom among us lowly swine. Go to FaithNet, somewhere, anywhere!

    Let your dogs colon get familiar with the warmth of your breath! Don’t waste it on us!
    GO AWAY!

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  40. 90 - catfish - Nov 12th, 2008

    Sex? Did someone mention sex? Does your god hate sex? Why the heck do you follow such a god?

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  41. 91 - Sam Maxwell - Nov 12th, 2008

    When will people like this understand we don’t hate god. How can you hate something that doesn’t exist?
    Hating what people do in the name of this and other) non existent god(s), now that’s a different story!

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  42. 92 - michael - Nov 12th, 2008

    the people of mystical storytelling traditions (with rituals) can hardly see the truth, let alone share it with others

    x

    .m.

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  43. 93 - Insightful Ape - Nov 12th, 2008

    Oh Christian, it’s so cute of you to grace us with your presence-again.
    All I’ve been saying, all I’m trying to get across, is that the FSM loves everyone, and all His Noodliness asks in return is that you return the favor by loving the FSM and following the “I-really-rather-you-did-not”s. I really meant no harm. All I want is for you to sit down and say to yourself, you know, this Pastafarian isn’t half bad. The most important thing anyone can do is say that the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists, FSM is the FSM of the Gospel of FSM, and FSM loves all those who love His Noodliness and doesn’t care if those who don’t love him do. If that simple message of noodliness and pastafarianness offends you, I am sorry you have been wasting your time. May the FSM give you happiness in all days. Ramen.

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  44. 94 - darkbane - Nov 12th, 2008

    What a crybaby….you weep for us? That made me laugh, and wonder how we are evil for asking for evidence…. Christian, you have no proof of anything and no clue that this is satire.

    kris

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  45. 95 - Kadlekins - Nov 12th, 2008

    RAMEN TO COMMODORE!!!

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  46. 96 - neal - Nov 12th, 2008

    I haven’t read the posts as I’ve got the Vista blues on this machine, but Christain, “What did god ever do to you to make you doubt his existence?” Oh, my FSM, do a thought experiment: Let’s say one of us comes up to you and bitch slaps you on general principles, would you doubt our existence? Obviously, if anyone does anything to you, you can and will not doubt his/her existence becasue he/she had to exist in the first place to be doing “something” to you.
    And you should take a lesson from this little thought experiment on how your mind works. You evidently disbelieve in things and people when they do something to or for you, and you believe in persons/things like god who do nothing to or for you. Clearly you need to change meds, and quick before you drive through a crowd of children who you don’t believe exist because they just called you a fuck head.

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  47. 97 - Adam - Nov 12th, 2008

    Hey Christian,

    Many people have responded that they don’t hate God because they can’t hate what they don’t believe in. I don’t hate God – I actually DO believe in God. You don’t need evidence to believe in God, that’s what faith is. I understand that. But I also believe that the word of God has been terribly corrupted by man, so I don’t trust much of the bible or people who have the gall to interpret the will of God.

    I’m glad that your faith is so strong and that you’ve had personal experiences with God. I haven’t. I realize missionary work is paramount in Christianity, but it ain’t gonna work, at least not for me.

    I love this website not for it’s wild atheist bent, but for it’s original, satirical intent – that intelligent design should not be taught as a biological alternative to evolution. That’s it. Yeah, a lot of atheists use it as a springboard, but as far as I’m concerned, a statement on intelligent design is the focus of this group.

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  48. 98 - Christian - Nov 12th, 2008

    Dear everyone , i have long since tried to teach you the glory of God philosophically, mainly because its easier to both teach and to learn. However, I can clearly see now that I’m dealing with right here, right now people. I will give you evidence of the Christian God.(I’ll go ahead and say it “took you long enough”) I’ll start by saying I’ve read the whole bible and am not offended by God’s wrath in the old testament. Reason? Imagine a world without police. That being said, on to the evidence!
    God ability to prophecy:http://www.godonthe.net/evidence/messiah.htm
    Dinosaurs and humans coexisted:http://www.godonthe.net/evidence/messiah.htm
    Global flood:we’ve found seashells on mountain tops, a is below sea level, a mountain in thousands of feet above see level. The seashells are younger than the mountains by evolution time lines. Explain.
    There. Evidence of God. I’m done arguing and I’m done “ranting”. If you want to debate me scientifically feel free to.
    P.S. you can’t deny something is real just because you can’t see it. Otherwise, gravity, the wind, words, and computer data don’t exist. You want a scientific debate, then by God I’ll give you one.

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  49. 99 - Spookette - Nov 12th, 2008

    “I leave you today with just one question. Why?”

    Why not?

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  50. 100 - mythbri - Nov 12th, 2008

    Dear Christian:

    I’m so overwhelmed by your (initially) loving forbearance that I just don’t know where to start. What a wonderful person you must be, to want to “save” the followers of His Noodleyness. It’s too bad that our Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn’t urge his worshippers to blindly defend his existence with violence, because then you could be a martyr, as well (or even a Saint)! I find it interesting, though, that you seem to assume that you have the authority to condemn other people. Did God give you the power to do that? Strangely, I don’t feel the least bit condemned. Could you please post a list of symptoms so that we’ll be able to tell?

    Regards.

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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American




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