Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ. The LORD says that in the end, many false teachers will rise, darwin, muhammed and even your own bobby. I will not be swayed because i have met God. God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them. When you accept God, you are entered by the Holy Spirit of God Himself. That is why i cannot ever be convinced of your fruitless lies. I have personally seen the great power God commands. I will continue to log onto this site for a long time now. For if even one soul be saved while i am here, well in good deeds, none is greater. The LORD is my shield. I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions. God has granted me great faith and understanding and as long as the earth endures i will fear no evil for God is with me. You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled. For the whole world will HATE you because of me-Jesus to His followers- I beg thee to end this, then you will see and and the Truth will shine like 1000 suns. May the Lord Jesus rule over God’s people forever Amen.
-Christian
Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ
Published by Bobby Henderson November 8th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 330 Comments
330 Responses to “Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ”
The “LORD” and/or “God” do not exist. And you are a gullible little twerp.
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We can only hope that his noodly appendage can reach his delusional soul.
RAmen.
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If god wants everyone in heaven, why doesn’t he show himself? Or, do something cool, like, make all the stars on the sky form into a text “There is a god, and the church that is right is ” . Oh, and which of the tens of thousands branches of Christianity is the right one?
Requiring totally blind faith, and then punishing people for not accepting arguments like “It’s true, cause it’s in the Bible” with eternal damnation is… well… he’d have to be a real asshole.
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You’re beginning to bore me. You give no evidence in support of your claims, yet you continue to insult us and condemn us in defiance of and in direct contrast to the xian doctrines of tolerance and love. If anyone in this exchange is damned, it is you, mister christian.
RAmen
ET
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Hello, my name is David, it means “beloved”, but I don’t ever feel the need to point that out to people. I WAS going to call you stupid and mock you but you cleverly diffused that rebuttal. Regardless of what you believe, I think you have completely missed the point of what the Flying Spaghetti Monster is all about. I’m not about to preach my values onto others, so if you don’t understand the FSM then I hope you feel content in your ignorance of the bigger issue at hand.
-David
AKA Science H Logic
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Astounding, hate mail that is almost grammatically correct!
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Oh yes, I forgot to say, it is highly offensive you think people on this site need saving. Some horrendous atrocities have occurred over time because people think another group need saving just because their way of living isn’t the same.
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may I ask where does the Lord speak of Darwin? All in all this post is a crock, but at least you are civil about it. You didn’t use the “F word” once. you parsed your post well but one would wonder why if you are smart enough to do these things did you miss the entire point of the site?
It seems to me that your goal of converting us back to christianity is nothing but arrogance. It just goes to show that you are part of the problem that we are opposing, to wit: the christian mindset over everything.
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Thank you for that
Agnostic
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“I will not be swayed because i have met God”
No, you think you have met God, you were really hallucinating, the hallucination was brought on by the FSM’s spicy sauce, prove to me your meetings with god weren’t all in your head… can’t can you?
“God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them”
No, you cannot explain them because there is no evidence to suggest the supernatural exists… except for the FSM cause he’s super-natural
“That is why i cannot ever be convinced of your fruitless lies”
I do believe it is your lies which are fruitless, you have proved nothing except your own ignorance and how easily you are swayed by your easily fallible human mind. Yet again i ask you, can you prove that your meeting with god wasn’t just a hallucination and/or a lie? No, you can’t
“but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh”
I exist… which means im already more powerful than your non-existant mind-fairy
You sir have just been pwn3d! But do not thank me, tis all the work of the FSM. Blessed be his noodly appendage, RAmen!
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For a religion that speaks of love and forgiveness your words are really hatefull and you almost sent us burning in the thousands possibles hells that may exisist ( for all we know ….there maybe’s … no hell !!!! ). You know dude , if I am here ( and I may not speak only for myself here) have seen the suposed path of god , heard of him all my life , but as a man of science and not of faith , I only saw the wholes in this religion , the problems , the non-logical answers I was given . Then I decided to look the other religions but there again , I never been convinced and only saw that theese religions weren’t as flawless as they saidthey were .Then I searched over the internet and His Noodly Appendage touched me , I found a way to pass my message to extremists of every religions , not only christians or whatever religion . A message in the form of a wake-up call , a way to show to every one , why they should open their eyes and not stay blinded by a light that may only exist in their heads and the heads of their fellow members.
And as a pastafarian , I will keep you somme volcano beer on ice , near a striper factory and we’ll laught at this .
RAmen
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“You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled. For the whole world will HATE you because of me-Jesus to His followers- I beg thee to end this”
Great. Then just do it.
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“the Truth will shine like 1000 suns”
Someone’s been playing too much Command & Conquer: Red Alert, I suspect. Nuke The Bastards!
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By logging onto this webpage daily, you use electricity. This is made by fossils fuels…which create heat…which makes people FATTER. Soon, you will be responsible for suicides of those unhappy with their bodies. I truly hope you have looked at your plan, Christian.
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Suit yourself. Pass the pesto, please. Arg.
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Besides, we don’t hate you because of Jesus. Apparently, Christians love to pull that line out of their ass if they are hated for any reason.
No, we hate Christians for different reasons. To be clear, we don’t hate all Christians. When we do hate them, we hate them because of different reasons, like, I don’t know, Inquisitions, hypocrisy, faulty arguments, threats, attacks, theocracy, suppression of rights…
Now I’m wondering, why do they hate us?
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“i have met God”
Really? Why don’t you introduce us? Maybe we could hang out some time. Can he do that water into wine thing? That would be really cool.
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“thee”? Make up your mind Christian. Either you use flowery archaic talk or you don’t, mixtures are an abomination.
Saying Yahweh is forbidden in the Jewish beliefs, follow the rules of the religion you throw in our faces. The proper way to write it is “YHWH”.
I know Christians are a Jewish sect, but you’re supposed to call the man “God”, not Yahweh or Jehova.
Also, if you seem to prefer actions over words that much, stop freaking talking. There’s a word for not listening to words by the way. It’s called being thickheaded.
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There is no way this is actual hate mail; nobody is this stupid.
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Christian,
It is it pretty clear from you post that you are so deeply invested in your religious beliefs because they give you an excuse to think that you are above other people (seriously, did you read what you wrote before you posted it? It sounds like you are claiming to be Jesus or some other kind of immortal) You had better hope that the Christian god does not exist, because it’s my understanding that pride and hate are big no-nos according to the Christian faith. RAmen.
-Sarah
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First of all, contrary to what you may believe, using old English words like thee does not make you sound more intelligent. Secondly, it is spelled Lord; LORD implies it is an acronym.
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Hi Everyone,
Because I was inspired by the site about a 1.5 years ago I wrote a book discussing some of the things talked about on this site. “The Moral Atheist” is basically the presentation of the argument the the title is not an oxymoron. It is now available at barnesandnoble.com and amazon.com
P.S. Also, I’d like to thank Alchemist and everyone else here for his support.
P.P.S. What a week! Obama!
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oops “for his support” should be “for their support”
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I will admit, however, that the typing and linguistic ability of the initial message are above par compared to some of the other criticism entries on the site.
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“I will continue to log onto this site for a long time now.” Oh joy.
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my real name means “house of god” but you don’t see me running around bragging
with that in mind, other than a moldy 2000 year old book, prove to me that your god is any more valid than ours. when you can do that, then i’ll convert
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Oh come on, this one is too easy.
“I will never be convinced by words…”
Better toss out your Bible then.
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Okay, that’s it. Christianity is a fucking cult. That message has made it clear. You are clearly in a cult. You have said that reason will not change your mind nor will any evidence. Then nothing will. You will just go on being wrong forever.
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Hello, Christian which means servant of Christ,
I really do hope you are logging in periodically and come across this.
So you met God, eh? You know, whenever somebody claims they’ve met their deity of their choice, it’s always something like, “Then (insert god here) told me to (cleanse, oppress, wear frilly things) and start a (church, synagogue, mosque) to get everyone else to (cleanse, oppress, wear frilly things)…” Why isn’t it ever, “Well, (insert god) told me that everything was alright, be more tolerant to other people, and I was doing a good job. Then we played Parcheesi for a while.”
“God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals…” What exactly are you implying? You aren’t like us pitiful mortals? Do you plan to smash us with your mighty fists of rage?
Doesn’t this hit the nail on the head- “For the whole world will HATE you because of me-Jesus to His followers…” Why hate me because I don’t believe what you do? Why not hate me because I boinked your mom? I mean, 9/11, the Holocaust, et cetera ad nauseaum, happened because of people like you. Speaking of your mom, instead of cleansing us, start cleansing your mom. This rash really itches.
“I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions.” Same here, matey. I would be slightly more inclined to believe you, if you weren’t trying to force your beliefs down everyone else’s throat. Take my advice, please. Do everyone a favor and stop logging in on religious sites* trying to convert people. You are just making yourself a target. Try charity, tolerance, humanism, and all the other good stuff your religion has slowly neglected.
Look, I really don’t have a problem with your beliefs. In fact, I’m glad you are happy with your choice. I happen to be happy with mine. So, I really don’t see why you have a problem with me and my church.
May you be touched by His Noodley Appendage, Christian which means servant of Christ. RAmen.
-squints
*- Except Westboro Baptist Church. Let ‘em have it. Those m******f*****s are fair game.
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“I will never be convinced by words”. If only you had adopted that stance before you read the Bible. I fear it is too late for you my friend.
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Hello, my name is Insightful Ape. Whic means the ape that knows, because we are all African apes, but most of us don’t know it.
So God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they won’t understand…and yet he is going to send me to hell for not understanding? Gee, what a sadist.
Compare that to the FSM. His noodliness doesn’t even care if you believe in Him. He is not jealous because he knows he is the creator. What you think won’t change that. So who is the loftier god?
And what is the story with “entering into god with holy spirit”? Is that a sexual reference?
I will not fall for your lies, for action speak louder than words. Unless you can promise me that I will never die. And don’t try to tell me what your god will do for me after I die. I like beer and strippers a lot better.
I do encourage you to keep us company, it gets boring without hate mail-and maybe one day in the process you will be touched by his noodly appendages and be saved.
Peace and hope, may the FSM bless us all. I can only pray that our Noodly master will save you from yourself and false preachers.
Ramen
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“Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it, religion has actually convinced people that there’s an INVISIBLE MAN…LIVING IN THE SKY…who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever ´til the end of time…but he loves you.”–George Carlin
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I always wonder of those xtians went to school… How in the world can u be so ignorant and foolish. It’s 2008 for FSM sake….
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Christians always say that they don’t understand why we are “threatened by Christianity” and have to resort to things like Pastafarianism. They want to know why we care.
Well, why the fuck do they care? If they’re comfortable in their faith, why does it matter what a group of people having fun think?
Because they have this indoctrinated superiority complex and feel that it is their job to flaunt their faith and save the rest of the world.
May His Noodly Appendage calm their minds and touch their souls.
RAmen.
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Yar, 1000 suns be makin’ for a hot earth. Ye be lookin’ to elimiate all us pirates, are ye, Christian?
Well, Johnny no be one to hold ‘at against ye.
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Hello, My name is Guðmundur which means either Arm of God or Weapon of God, I outrank you.
RAmen
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Little full of ourselves, Christian?
Yet still too blind to know what satire is.
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Wow this was a sad post. Poor kid never had a chance. He was brainwashed at birth.
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Believing that you have met God (or indeed, any other deity) is a sign of schizophrenia. The good news is that Our Beloved Creator has bestowed upon us the intelligence and ability to craft psychological tools like therapy and drugs that will help your condition, Christian.
…Incidentally, Jeffery Dahmer also believed he had met god…
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Dear Christian:
We have received your letter of conversion. Thank you for taking the time to write it.
Unfortunately at this time, we are no longer accepting converters. Though your letter shows some promise, good grammar, and punctuation; we have no more openings for this position.
We encourage you to continue to develop your skills further at Catholic and Mormon sites that are always looking for converters. We will review your letter should we have any openings in the future.
The Church of the Spaghetti Monster encourages all converters to achieve greatness in their field. We are happy to be welcoming all people into His Noodly Embrace. It is just unfortunate that we have no more positions to fill.
Thank you for applying for the position. We hope that you can continue converting in other areas successfully. We wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.
Most Sincerely,
Meisha
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Yaaaawwn! The stupid hurts.
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“God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them.”
You claim, and I’m asuming here, to understand these spiritual things. That would mean you’re not a mortal being. What are you then? And please be brief.
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“I will not be swayed because i have met God”
Could you send him/her over to my house and introduce himself and have PROOF he is who he says he is?
“I will never be convinced by words”
Yeah, me either. Sorry, your letter is NOT going to convince even ONE person on this site. I assure you!
RAmen!
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Christian wrote: “I will not be swayed because i have met God.”
Much like Christian, I have also met God. She told me that she’d been screwing with this Christian guy, telling him he’d never die, saying she shared her power with him, saying her name was “Holy Yahweh” (Yahweh? For Christ’s sake! Really!), that he should fear no evil because she was with him, and such.
God told me I should mock Christian so she could continue the ruse. She told Christian that his being mocked proved her existence.
So there you go, Christian. You’re welcome.
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Christian the chucklehead, hello, just read your manifesto and it’s nice to know who I’m dealing with.
I won’t try to persuade you of my point of view but I do have a question. If the universe is really 14.5 billion years old, and begun with a big bang, and if earth if 4.5 billion years old, and if as our science tells us, life evolved on earth a few hundred million years after earth accreted, and evolved for nearly 4 billion years before humankind made its appearance a mere 100,000 years ago, then how is mankind responsible for the existence of death and suffering in the world? After all, isn’t death and suffering the mechanism which drove life to evolve and create the diversity we see in our biosphere today?
And if death has always been part of the bargain of being alive, and if humans evolved gradually from a group of lower level hominids, rather than being spontaneously created by a supreme being out of the clay of the earth, then what of original sin? Clearly we do not all share the same two original ancestors, so how can we share in the sin? Moreover, since we know that death was part of the bargain for all life since the beginning of life, what of the idea that death is the punishment god inflicted on all creation for the sin of the original two humans? In other words if there could be no original sin because there could be no two original humans who created original death, what is that you savior is saving us from? Death? Last time I looked on the obituary pages, death is still there. Disease still exists, so what is it that Jesus did that was so wonderful? Get nailed to a tree in his underoos to propitiate dad for the evil nature of humankind when it was dear of dad who created that nature? And why no slack on earthly suffering, why didn’t the death of J.C. by humankind a cure from at least on earthly travail, say, Congestive Heart Failure, or Diabetes, or Cancer, or maybe just stupidity? Why no concrete evidence that the deed even happened. Why not do it in the Anderson Cooper era instead of the Josephus of Arimethea era. In short, isn’t your religion just a cure looking for a disease?
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My name is Monsignor Fogey which means My Lord Older person. I’ve met several gods, and was once in a room with three people who had all been Jesus.
It is nice to know you’re going to hang around – most xians post once then go away. I expect His Patafarious Magnificence touches them with his noodly appendages in a very meaningful and personal way and cures them of their delusions. I guess if we don’t hear from you again we can safely assume that He has goosed you too.
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Comparing bobby and darwin isn’t the way to mock this religion lol.
we don’t mock christian’s so why do you mock us all we do is make pictures and biblical writings just like christian’s do. And by law FSMism has the same rights as christianity.
RAmen
Praise the mighty flying spaghetti monster for he is the only one who can cure this wandering soul of its misguided nature.
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Stop logging on this site. We do not want you here if you are not willing to discuss, and if you are going to play the “holier than thou” card. Somebody who asserts that he will never be convinced does not deserve that anybody disscuss with him.
.
Screw yourself, and keep entertaining yourself with delusions. Keep convincing yourself that over 7 billion people, God has chosen you to fulfill his wrath. Keep convincing yourself that the false prophet God was talking about was not Jesus.
.
I’ll eat pastas for you. RAmen.
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Since there is no point in an argument of logic versus faith, I will resort to schoolyard-style bullying.
My faith can beat up your faith.
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It’s funny, I was reading your mail and couldn’t tell if you were trying to convince us or yourself about god. “God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them.” Are you not a mortal yourself or are you dead? Since god said you couldn’t understand it until you were not mortal anymore.
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Dear oh dear, looks like another one for the looney-bin. :(
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“I will not be swayed because i have met God.”
Really?
Does he like pasta?
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Dear Christian, Don’t you sometimes wish, even just for a moment, that you had a mind of your own. It must be tedious to only be able to think in christian slogans.
Anyway, how do you know that your god is not really the FSM?
Ramen
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I love these guys.
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It’s sad that you follow your god only because you think he has power. Because he does not exist, I suppose something as simple as my typing this means that I have greater power than the sky-fairy, Yahweh.
“You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled.”
I share my power with you by mocking you. Which means that you follow me now, slave.
Now get me some beer.
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Stop trying to ram you bullsh*t down our necks
I suggest you stop beleving in your invisible man in the sky and open your to the truth of the holy flying one
Ramen
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Which god? And which version of the particular god you have chosen?
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Dude, if I had ‘godly’ powers I so totally would not waste them on making guys like this immortal. I’d be busy making beer volcanoes.
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I’ve discovered a fun game! Anytime you read what a fanatical religious nut says, replace “God” or “Lord” with “ignorance”:
I have personally seen the great power IGNORANCE commands. IGNORANCE is my shield. I will fear no evil for IGNORANCE is with me.
Good times!
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Hello, my name is Cape Buffalo, which means a large African bovine, who serves no master. You are wasting your time, there are none to be converted here.
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You know, the whole time I read that, I could picture was some kid with his fingers in his ears yelling “NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH!”.
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Well, I read your rant, but concluded that there is little point in debate with you. We all know there is only one god, the FSM, and he does not talk to us, so you are deluded.
The Seventh I’d Really Rather You Didn’t states “I’d Really Rather You Didn’t go around telling people I talk to you. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?”
Go in peace.
RAmen
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Or, there is a distinct possibility that we are right and you are wrong…what happens if we are? Do we get a prize or something?
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Another basket case who thinks they have met god.
Get over yourself.
Instead of us sharing a portion of your stale old religon may I suggest you share a healthy portion of spaghetti?
Throw in some reality while you’re at it.
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You wont be convince? How did you see through the flawless guise?
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I’d like to take this opportunity to call you stupid and mock you
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Hi. My name is Waiter, which means “Servant of the Pasta”.
I love how every “christian” includes some form of circular logic that’s supposed to “prove” things, or at least explain away why they can’t be proven.
“God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them.”
Great stuff.
The funny thing is, you can’t explain the complete farce of religion to christians for the SAME REASON. They don’t understand, the them, faith and myth are the same as fact and observation.
Anyone who uses “thee” in 2008, is certifiable. And thank you but WE already do see the truth. Truth is observable and can be confirmed over and over again by anyone. Faith and Religion CAN NOT. They are NOT observable and they are not confirmable. I have seen no evidence of any invisible sky man. When I see some, I’ll reconsider.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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No one here really cares about your point of view. You didn’t meet God, because if you did you would shut the hell up and find something positive to do with your time. “Christian” means Christ-like, stupid! All your psychobabble about Heaven and Hell is as stale as a bag of croutons.
And who invited you to the party,anyway? You represent the very worst of christianity and religious zealotry. Pompous, over-bearing, and inerrant! Rather than trying to see an alternative view, trying to open your mind and shut your mouth, you reverse the process.
If there was a Heaven(and there isn’t), you wouldn’t be welcome. All you can do is hate and deny. Your afterlife will be rife with zitty, stretch-marked strippers and flat, green beer. People like yourself think they are TOO GOOD for His Noodly embrace. So much the better. That means more beer for us! Yes, I’m mocking your belief in the Big Empty. I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries!
Now, go away! Or, I shall taunt you a second time!
RAmen!
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Well, isn’t that special?
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“God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them.”
So you accept Christianity even though it claims you are too stupid to understand why you should accept it? (basically saying you should accept it without any proof whatsoever)
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You know… the only reason why there’s the “Holy Spirit” is because they didn’t like the idea of the being only two “forms” or whatever of God. I don’t think anyone knows what the fuck the Holy Spirit is supposed to be.
Another reason why Christianity and I don’t get along so great.
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“You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled.”
If Yahweh exists and you are a christian,then haven’t you already recive a portion of his power from the holy spirit in baptism and have eternal life already? Why do you need us to grant you eternal life?
“I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions.”
what about the whole “pen is mightyer than the sword” idea. And last I checked speaking is an action.
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How did God grant you understanding if he says morals cannot understand religon?
I perfer meatballs to fruit.
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I find myself agreeing with the ex-captain.
I have always been confused by the phrase “the father, the son and the holy ghost”.
Someone please explain who this holy ghost is and why he hasn’t taken over from that god who is only known as “God”.
Or does “God” simply have split personalities?
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Hm… I don’t know if you all discovered a pretty glaring contradiction in our hater’s letter, but I don’t see anyone commenting on it.
“I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions.”
Um, so how come he turned Christian if he doesn’t believe in words – aka the Bible? I guess that’s some evidence that he really DID meet his god… Then again, it might just be BS from start to finish.
And that raises the very good question of just how the funny little man means to ’save’ us.
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I would also like to take this opportunity to call you stupid and mock you.
You’re stupid. *mocks christian*
Post script: As powerful as Holy Yaoi? eww…
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Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ.
My name is after the wife of Trojan hero, Aeneas.
The LORD says that in the end, many false teachers will rise, darwin, muhammed and even your own bobby.
Very rude and disrespectful not to capitalize all those proper nouns. You’d be getting a lot of red pen from your teacher. Also, Lord doesn’t need full caps, unless you regularly shout that word in conversation.
I will not be swayed because i have met God. God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them.
Sounds like the smug kind of thing I’d expect a god to say. But funny how you’re better than everyone else that God met with you and told you all about it. Aren’t you special.
When you accept God, you are entered by the Holy Spirit of God Himself.
That sounds perverse. I’m married.
That is why i cannot ever be convinced of your fruitless lies. I have personally seen the great power God commands.
What was that? Share, tell, explain. That’s what I’d expect a servant of Christ to do.
I will continue to log onto this site for a long time now. For if even one soul be saved while i am here, well in good deeds, none is greater.
Hast thou lost the ability to form complete sentences? Are you being entered right now?
The LORD is my shield.
You try that on the front line, let us know how it works out for you.
I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions.
And the Bible is full of words. Funny that.
God has granted me great faith and understanding and as long as the earth endures i will fear no evil for God is with me.
Then what are you waiting for? Introduce us, already. Where is he? Did you leave him outside in the car?
You will call me stupid and you will mock me,
No, I feel sorry for you because you are, most likely, the product of several generations of religious programming and have never considered challenging or questioning the faith that has been forced on your since before conception.
…but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled.
You get to share God’s power? He gives you power? What power? What power do you have that we don’t? If you can be invisible, or lift monster trucks, have laser eyes, then I may reconsider. As far as living forever, I have not seen a longer life expectancy for Christians over any other human.
For the whole world will HATE you because of me
Well I wouldn’t want that, so, sorry Christian but I don’t want to be friends with you if the world will hate me for it. The world is a pretty big place to be passing on all that hate.
-Jesus to His followers- I beg thee to end this, then you will see and and the Truth will shine like 1000 suns. May the Lord Jesus rule over God’s people forever Amen.
-Christian
You know, I beg thee to end this as well.
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Christian says – The LORD says that in the end, many false teachers will rise, darwin, muhammed and even your own bobby.
Really… go and tell a devout Muslim that God warned us of that fraud known as Muhammad, I dare you…lol BTW you’re right Muhammad is a fraud as is Jesus.
Let’s look at it logically; a god would give his followers a sign so that they would know they are on the right path. Both Jesus and Muhammad talk of a sky fairy for which there is no proof yet we have all seen a plate of spaghetti and meatballs – the proof is there right in front of us. Your god is either too lazy, ignorant or stupid to show us proof OR he doesn’t exist, either way he’s hardly worth praying to ;)
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@Wdabrock
“I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries!
Now, go away! Or, I shall taunt you a second time!”
Oh, man, thanks for that. Gotta get me some Holly Grail this afternoon :)
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Hello, I’m Mare Lacrimarum, which means “Sea of Tears.” Long story.
–The LORD is my shield.
Many things have stopped a bullet. A sheriff’s badge, an mp3 player, a delivery pizza bag full of pizza, a laptop, the cartilage in a man’s nose, even a person’s braces have stopped a bullet. However, it hasn’t been proven yet the ‘The LORD’ could stop a bullet. Now, of course I would never propose we put you in front of a gun to test how bulletproof ‘The LORD’ is. Maybe we can set up a dummy, and put ‘The LORD’ in front of it? It would make an interesting experiment. However, my intuition tells me it wouldn’t be enough. Maybe try a Bible? A paper shield is much better than no shield at all. :D
Mare
(P.S. I wonder if there would be any difference if we pit the Bible against the Koran, or even the Gospel of the FSM? His Noodley Goodness could stop a bullet. I just don’t know if The Noodley One would bother. There would be a lot of data to manipulate. ;) )
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“I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions.” So… how bout some actions by your god to convince us? I’m pretty sure that if we saw some action by some god or another that we couldn’t possibly do we would all believe in it.
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I’m gonna trot this one out again because it amuses me so…
I think Epicurus put it best when he said:
“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then He is not omnipotent.
Is He able but not willing? Then He is malevolent.
Is he both able, and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
RAmen!
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This unswayable servant of the Lord can be BRIBED! He says so right in his email!
.
“…but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled.”
.
If I became as powerful as Yahweh (no one is supposed to utter that name… sshhhhhhh!), I would never grant this nutjob even the tiniest sliver of that power.
.
–Cap’nUberbob
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Hello, my name is Ubi Dubium, which means “Where there is doubt”.
You have a very bad religion infection, but don’t worry, it is treatable. I presrcibe a full reading of your bible, cover to cover, in a modern translation with no “thee’s” in it. Then I prescribe asking your pastor and yourself some hard questions. And I prescribe spending some time with people who do not agree with you, and listening to what they have to say. You could recover from this and have a real life, instead of spending it prostrating yourself before your invisible sky-fairy.
RAmen
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To paraphrase Gandhi:
“I like your Christ. I don’t like you Christian. You are so unlike your Christ.”
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That is why i cannot ever be convinced of your fruitless lies.
Fruitless? Hardly!
Tomatoes are fruits, not vegetables.
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@ Bruno The Pig,
The Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost(or Spirit) is a reference to the Holy Trinity. It is derived from Catholicism and early 1700 christianity.
Father is God, Son is Jesus, and Holy Ghost is the worshipper feeling that they have been possessed by the presence of God. Many religions use the reference as part of communion cathechisms, while others refuse to believe in the Trinity because of the belief that God cannot sub-divide himself into separate, yet equal entities. It only adds to the confusing nature of christianity, as the many demoninations place higher emphasis on the possession aspect(being in the spirit, speaking in tongues, faith healing) rather than the messiah complex(Jesus as rabbinical and Old testament law reformer, removal of priesthood as spokesmen of God vs. direct prayer to God).
This is why Bobby’s enlightenment of the FSM is so important: it has removed all that confusing crap that humans have put into religion to control human behavior and replaced it with open-minded, spicy goodness. OH, and pirates, mountains and a midgit!
May your beerstein never empty, and your stripper never want a tip for services rendered!
RAmen!
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hey thumper.
my name is irate (which means pissed off),Pirate (which means follower of the Noodle-God).
now the mocking you astutely predicted: liar-liar,pants on fire!
YOU are the worst kind of self important,uneducated,sour douche bag & a discredit to your hillbilly kin-folk. please go away now….punk.
p.s. is “holy yahweh overnight” some sort of delivery service? …just curious.
irate in ontario.
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You can’t argue with fundamentalists, so I won’t argue with Christian, it has no point. So I will make some observations. Logic does not work on them. The primary reason is that they spent so much time believing that they let their thinking skills rust. Critical thinking is a skill, and like any skill if you don’t use it, it deteriorates and eventually becomes useless. This is not the case with all religious people, just with fundamentalists. The problem lies in my opinion in laziness. It is inherently easier to believe than to think. Fundamentalists can rationalize, but because their critical thinking skills are so poor their rationalizations are usually baseless, or to shaky to stand up to scrutiny.
They also fall back on circular arguments to make their case. Most of you know this but incase Christian wants to know, a circular argument is where you try to prove your argument for something by relying on that something to prove itself. An example of this is trying to prove God exists because of the Bible, trying to argue that God exists because the Bible says so, is a poor argument and not one that will be taken seriously. This is also why their Creationist arguments don’t hold water. They fail on so many levels to use logic or critical thinking. They latch on to any shaky science they can to attempt to prove their point without really knowing anything about science, or critically thinking about the argument. The pocket watch/car/etc. arguments comes to mind, and let’s not forget irreducible complexity which doesn’t work either, and no Behe’s argument is as ridiculous as the rest of them (how he calls himself a scientist perplexes me and others in my field).
Before I get called an atheist, let me say I am not. I believe in God, I just don’t believe in the version of him presented by organized religion, I can’t, I respect him too much.
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“God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them”
wait… so your not mortal?
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Hello, my name is Roy, which means ‘red’. Go figure.
When logging on to a website, I prefer not to rely on the LORD as a shield, I use ANTIVIRUS and a FIREWALL. If you are not convinced by words, I take it that you remain to be convinced by the bible. Good, me too…
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You met god? Is he a dick in person, cos he sure comes across that way in his book.
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Hello Christian. My name is Jeremykeys. Jeremy, which is a derivative of Jeramiah, one of the older names in the world, and keys, which means I hold the keys to all, and I do mean all knowledge. Your God asks me for advice and permission to do just about anything including the creation of the universe. Don’t believe me? Ask your God. He’ll tel you if I let him. I might. I also might not since you are such a misguided little paddawon. I bet you have absolutely no knowledge as to the history of your religion at all, do you? You don’t even know that the whole thing is a metaphor for several of the older religions that existed 2,000 years ago. Let me ask you one question and I do expect a reply. If you were to meet your God right now, would you be able to pass judgement or would you fail? You certainly don’t seem to turn the other cheek very well and you also seem to be far too obsessed with converting others as opposed to helping others. Your God absolutely deplores close minded people. He gave us brains to use, you know? Not to sit around and hate others for thinking differently. If he did, don’t you think that makes God look incredibly paranoid? “Oh no! That one thinks differently. Smite him!” We are supposed to think in many different ways and look at things through different eyes. God expects us to be intelligent and not follow blindly from some mistranslated old fictional book.
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No thanks, our god tastes better!
RAmen Oh confused Christian!
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Wow, Bobby. Can I call you Bobby? I’m going to call you Bobby.
You could have landed a home run with your satire against religion… or whatever this site is about (what is this site about???). Unfortunately, to be satirical and funny you need a sense of humor. Instead, I see pumpkins and pirates and middle aged men posing from the back of their vehicles with a spaghetti symbol on their car.
Forget about the religious zealots that flood your site with condemnation. But My Spaghetti Monster God, if you are going to go this far it had better be funny. It is not, Rob. It is not.
You really need to know that. This is a dumb idea that makes my penis soft. It is as funny as TGIF was in the mid 90’s. This website belongs on the Oxygen Network. If you want some advice, delete this website and run head first into a wall. It’s no offense to you, Robbie, it’s just that wasting my time for something as funny as watching your grandmother go through a yeast infection makes me ill. Everyone who goes here should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. That is, if they don’t accept the Spaghetti Monster as their savior….. which they won’t, because it isn’t an intriguing enough gimmick.
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You know what my favorite part is? [besides the total blind dogma]
The fact that you randomly spew Christian phrases that are complete non sequiturs, like you have Holy Tourette’s or something. GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD!
And yes, you’re right, we WILL call you stupid, and we will mock you [by the way, the comma is important]. It has already begun.
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the crazy christians give all of us a bad name. i’m still embarrassed and angry that there are those of us who go around trying to convert “the lost” with that kind of religious jargon. no one with any kind of sense will understand what you said. the things of God can not be understood by those who do not have the mind of God. it’s just messed up that people are pushed further and further away from the truth by people like you.
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Should the truth “shine like 1000 suns”, I feel confident that I would not want to witness it, what with the whole burning my retinas out thing. At the very least I’d like some forewarning in order to don some shades.
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i’d just like to say that lyvvie’s post made me laugh in a public library and i got strange looks from children and staff. the front line thing in particular. is very nice, i like very much.
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Seems like 1000 suns would blind everyone.
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Stop taking the green pills in the morning and swallow them with a nice glass of warm milk before you go to bed. You will begin to feel better in 8 – 10 days. Also, my friend’s uncle was a bit like you (only he thought he was Napoleon) and he was cured just by changing his socks twice daily. Give it a try, after all it can’t make you much worse than you are now.
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Hi Christian the christian,
You are easily the scariest person I have encountered on this web-site.
I hope you get to meet your god in ‘heaven’ sooner rather than later before you take arms and send other ’sinners’ to him. I don’t want to see your god’s justice metered out on YouTube.
You say “God has granted me great faith and understanding” yet you write us off just because we don’t believe your crack-pot ideas.
You are a complete and total nutter.
May thee receive the counsel of thy holy psychiatrist and piss off.
Able Semen (1st Class)
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I had a mad old uncle who believed he was a teapot, no-one was ever able to convince him he was wrong.
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Once more unto the contradictions, dear friends. Christian, in your posting you say that “I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions”, and yet you blindly follow the Bible made up of, yes you guessed it, words. I wonder how many ‘actions’ you have witnessed? i.e. along the lines of resurrecting the dead, walking on water etc?
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Has anyone checked to see when this was actually sent by Christian? Judging by the archaic belief system expressed and use of the word ‘thee’ it may have been sent prior to the Enlightenment and the Age of Reason, which would date it as no later than the early eighteenth century.
I suspect that it may have been sent later as there was little or no access to the Internet in those days and email was in its infancy. If so, then Christian has clearly missed out on the last 300-odd years of western philosophical thought.
Christian if you’re reading this, I suggest you start catching up with the rest of us and reading René Descartes would probably be a good place to start. He believed in a god just like you do, so you shouldn’t feel too out of your depth with him.
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Josh (#94) I’m surprised you’ve ever managed to get it hard!
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Hey Josh, thanks for being so descriptive of your genitalia. But I thought, you might want to be a little arousing(sexually or intellectually) in your post. You weren’t Josh, you weren’t. If you want my advice, stop trolling the internet with early 90’s references and talks of yeast infections-now who is being dumb here?
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Here are some more christian monks, being christian.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7718587.stm
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Hello my name is Lucifer which means up yours moronic Christian.
@ Bruno The Pig. Let me explain the Trinity to you. It is simple.
Christ, according to the faith, is the second person in the Trinity, the Father being the first and the Holy Ghost the third. Each of these persons is God. Christ is his own father and his own son. The Holy Ghost is neither father nor son, but both. The son was begotten by the father, but existed before he was begotten just the same before as after. . . .
So, it is declared that the Father is God, and the Son God, and the Holy Ghost God, and that these three Gods make one God.
According to the celestial multiplication table, once one is three, and three times one is one, and according to heavenly subtraction, if we take two from three, three are left. The addition is equally peculiar, if we add two to one, we have but one. . . .
@ Bruno The Pig, do you get it now?
Nothing ever was, nothing ever can be more perfectly idiotic and absurd than the dogma of the Trinity.
Lucifer
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Hello, my name is George, and that means farmer. Thanks for the fertilizer, Christian!
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Josh (#94),
You’re a cock.
Still, that probably makes you top dog in your house.
If you don’t enjoy this site may I suggest you fuck off?
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So… if I obtain the power to not exist, you’ll worship me?
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The LORD is my shield ???
I’m pretty sure you also have a Smith & Wesson rifle.
Noodly
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That’s funny Christian, because I also met God, and he said “LOL, can you believe what a tool Christian is? He totally bought that entire load of shit! What a stupid noob!”
I swear that’s what he told me. I swear it on my immortal soul.
But seriously, here are some fun lines for everyone:
“Question with boldness even the existence of God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear.”
~Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
~Epicurus (341–270 B.C.E.)
“One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that myriads have believed in it. They have also believed the world was flat.”
~Mark Twain (1835-1910)
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“I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions”
…so why are you trying to sway us with them right now? How confusing.
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Josh you’re an idiot. Click “About” moron. Not knowing what the site is about when it is so easy to figure out. That’s funny!
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Christian, you and the rest of the fools who follow your namesake are ignorant bafoons. If heaven were real I’d rather spend an eternity in hell to avoid you weak minded fools. Isn’t it about time you grow out of the imaginary friend stage!
Please send me comments if you want, I’d love to hear you try to save my soul. It can’t be done, I’ve denounced the sanctus espiritus too many times, which happens too be an unforgivable sin. Comments and complaints to jvaught89@gmail.com
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Proof Christian!
Where’s the proof.
Youv’e met him, had tea and bikkies i assume. Where are the photo’s, video etc?
When you saw his great power did you not have your camcorder on hand?
Proof.
Proof.
Proof.
s’all I ask of thee.
P.S. actually, you could prove his existence and I still wouldn’t worship him cos he’s an asshole and my proof of that is the bible. So ppppphhhtttt to you.
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Okay, I know others have said this but “I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions.” EXACTLY!!!! This is why I am not a Christian. Hello!!!
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@Fag O’Tini (107)
fore same reson i thot a monk’s fight wold look more like metrix… wotch’t too meny movis a sespect =\
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You know, it’s a mighty fine coincidence that you were named Christian, because there are not too many other religions that are tailor-made to a person’s name. Cat Stevens had that problem when he converted to Islam, just not enough personal pizz-azz. Just think if your parents had the foresight to name you something like, oh I don’t know… John, we wouldn’t be mocking your deluded reality. Or maybe you would be on here condeming us because pizza is better than spaghetti (due to your messianic namesake).
And Christian, since you seem to be on such personal terms with the sky-wizard himself, I am in need of an entertainer for a friend’s birthday. Does he do personal parties? Are his rates competitive? Is there a special rate for the “water to wine” trick?
And if in fact you do shine with the power of a 1000 suns, why can’t I see you from my house? Just curious.
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Aren’t words actions? I mean, isn’t the saying or typing of words an action in itself?
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NO – ‘Christian’ Does Not mean ’servant of Christ’, so there goes your whole raison d’etre (reason for being). I must tell you that folks like you who think they’ve figured it all out; your type scare me. Yours is the type that aren’t comfortable with the unknown. They have to simplify everything to a level that they can understand. Folks like you, who can’t live with the unknown, have created an X factor some call ‘God’. To me it’s every bit as childish as sucking your thumb. Your need to put a face on the universe(s) is childish. We once worshiped the sun. Please grow up. Good luck.
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H… How do I even respond to this?
The level of retarded is unimaginable… I just…
fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
Someone… Please someone show me something intelligent before my brain implodes.
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I serve God. I do no miracles. I foretell no future events. I will die. I will live after i die. I have not literally met God. You are foolish to think i was being literal. Do you think that since an Egyptian is called a son of the nile, the nile spat him up? I am a servant of the LORD.I have the utmost confidence in Him. I have read the entire Bible. I do not think that God in the old testament was cruel. I believe a literal genesis. I believe the earth is 6000 years old(approx). I do not believe in evolution. I have studied evolution. God Is. Everything i have said is true. What say you, you who mock The Most High. The wicked are like that beasts that perish, but God will call me up to Him-King David Of Israel. May Jesus rule God’s people forever Amen.
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HEY EVERYONE for once the guy who writes the hate mail is back and it’s better than ever!!! where to begin…
“I serve God.”
Yup your slavery to God came across in your first thrilling chapter.
“I do no miracles”
We never suggested you do miracles, in fact the point was that you and your “God” don’t do miracles – when we say stuff just assume we’re mocking you. It’s simpler that way.
“I will die. I will live after i die.”
Who are you, Zombie Jesus?
“I have not literally met God.”
Then why did you say you met him before? Seems like you’re a little confused. Was it just a phone conversation or you heard stories from a friend and they were so convincing you forgot you hadn’t actually met him. That must be it.
“I believe the earth is 6000 years old(approx)”
Good thing you kept the approx in there otherwise how could you account for the 4539994000 year (approx) difference in your all knowing estimate compared to actual evidence.
“I do not believe in evolution”
If anything I have the biggest problem with this sentence – evolution isn’t about “belief”. Science is not about belief. Science is about observation. If anything this is the key difference between cults – I mean religions and science. Anything considered science can be seen, heard, felt, smelt, tasted (or experience by any other extra senses) by anyone. The anecdotal evidence of religion cannot.
“Everything i have said is true.”
Truth is subjective. You BELIEVE it to be true but that doesn’t make it so. Like a 60-year old man in a mental hospital may BELIEVE he is Marilyn Monroe, in his mind this is the truth but it does not make it so.
“What say you, you who mock The Most High”
Talking like that does not score you any points. I think I’ve said my bit.
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You are a complete and utter twit who needs to leave home, get a job, a girl (or boy) friend (whatever rocks your boat) and, by the sound of it, have sex – otherwise your life will have been totally pointless. What planet do you actually inhabit by the way? You are definately not of this 6000 year old earth.
I leave you, christian, with just one question: Why?
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Until only two weeks ago i would have heartily, if not quite so dogmatically agreed with this ‘christian’. However I have to believe that the world as espoused by christianity is a bit…simplistic. In any case, if someone places themselves beyond the reach of rational debate, why bother posting on a website devoted to it?
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Christian, my friend, all I can say to you is thanks, but really, no thanks. Yes, you have found your God. Good for you! Congratulations! In all seriousness, good for you. You have your God, I’ve got my Flying Spaghetti Monster. We should be all well and good, with our separate, individual beliefs. But we aren’t. Because you can’t tolerate an idea that isn’t yours. You know, maybe you should try understanding us before you tell us that we’re all irrevocably screwed. Look at your religion, and look at the atrocities it has commited in the name of your god. If we take your whole “do unto others” thing, well, shouldn’t we all be murdering Christians in the name of our god, his great and mighty noodliness? Because I’m pretty sure that you guys have been killing, raping, murdering, and stealing, all in the name of your God, since about the time that your church started. If you ask me, your version of God, and the original idea of God, well, they’re two rather different things. We, as Pastafarians, emmisaries of His Noodly Goodness, have taken a step away from the church. I used to be Catholic, I was raised Catholic, and for a long time, I believed in your God. I’m assuming that you are a hardcore Christian at this point, so please, feel free to take pot shots at the Catholic church. I know you people don’t like them. But I must say, at this point, that this is precisely the reason I left the church of christ, and came to the church of awesomely delicious spaghetti. Dogma, my friend, is the reason that this world is so screwed up. Dogma, my friend, is the reason why people are killed in the name of God. Dogma, dearest Christian, is the reason why you cannot leave this site. You feel it is your business to enforce your ideals on others, to say “I am right, you are wrong,” and condemn us to an imaginary place called hell when we disdain to follow your lead. You refuse to leave this place, not because it is your duty, but because you are afraid to accept that maybe we don’t think the way you do. You have become convinced that your world view is the only correct one, that it is the only possible one in the entire spectrum of belief. So let me say to you. Get out of our faces. Our choice to disbelieve in your allpowerful God is not your choice: it is our own. Get out of our faces, and take your belief for your own ends. We don’t want your faith, we don’t need your faith. We have our own, and you know, if your god is really such an asshole that he’s going to send us all to your Hell, just because we don’t accept Jesus Christ as our “Lord and savior”, well, maybe he doesn’t deserve our worship. At all. Period. I’m perfectly open to a discussion that isn’t filled with dogmatic prejudice. Unfortunately, that’s what you’re spouting. Prove to me that your god exists without citing the bible, without citing some spiritual personal story, PROVE to me that your god exists, that he cares about me, and that he feels remorse for the millions of deaths that he’s caused, and maybe I’ll listen to you.
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I serve the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I will die. I will decompose to nothing after I die. I have not literally met the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but I have felt his Noodley Appendage. I am a servent of the FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER. I have the utmost confidence in Him. I have read the entire Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Letter to the Kansas State Board of Education. I have seen the graph. I do not think the Flying Spaghetti Monster is cruel. I believe the earth is billions of years old (approx). I believe in evolution. I have studied evolution. The Flying Spaghetti Monster Is. Everything I have said is true. What say you, you who mock the Most High Flying Spaghetti Monster? The wicked are no different then everyone else when they perish. May Christian realize he is an idiot and never return to this website.
RAmen.
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I serve the FSM. I do no miracles(that’s what we have the saints for). I foretell no future events(I leave that to Pat Robertson). I will die. I will have a beer volcano after I die. I have not literally met the FSM, but as a figure of speech I have. I am a servant of HIS NOODLINESS. I have the utmost confidence in Our Noodly Master. I have met people who think infanticide is mercy. I believe that 2+2=10(approximately). I do not believe in calculus. I have studied calculus. FSM Is. Everything I have said is true. What say you, you who mock the Noodly one. The wicked will be hunted down like game animals. But FSM will touch me with his noodly appendages. May FSM rule his people forever and ever.
Ramen
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The Earth is 6000 years old?
Your as mad as a box of frogs.
Please tell me you don’t think there was a Fred Flinstone situation going on with humans and dinosaurs.
And your god of the old testament was more cruel than your supposed Satan. A schizophrenia sufferer if ever there was one.
The truth is your old testament was written to scare people into doing as they were told. This worked up to a point. Then some pr genius worked out you snare a lot more with the love and forgiveness approach so they invented Jesus and wrote the new testament. The problem is the gods from the old and new testaments are not compatible.
In other words, your book is a crock of shit.
Ours is fun.
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If you believe in a Christian god, you are not intelligent enough to comprehend evolution.
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Well, Christian, my name means “man of red clay” in Hebrew. I am named after the mythical father of humanity, who according to your belief was sculpted of such clay by the hand of God and then brought to life with a soul. I am not mocking you, and I am not an atheist. So now, I would like you to read what I have to say with an open mind.
You may have seen the film “The Matrix,” in which a young man named Neo discovers that what he thought was his real life and world was in fact a computer-generated simulation fed into his brain: an advanced form of virtual reality. Let’s suppose that like Neo in the movie you start to suspect that what you have always believed to be real is in fact a gigantic illusion, systematically maintained by some superhuman agency. You find others who share your suspicion–many others, with training in physics, astronomy, chemistry, genetics, paleontology, and so forth–and you set about trying to discover the limits of the simulation. Your belief spreads, and there seem to be no Men in Black or sinister Agents who try to suppress it.
Soon there are countless thousands of you, all trying as hard as you can to test those limits by coming up with scientific-type explanations for apparent facts within what you still suspect is a simulation. These explanations become more and more refined and deep. They tell you, over and over again, that the universe you inhabit is billions of years old, that life began on earth about 3/4 of the way through of the apparent age of the universe and has gone through enormous changes. This biological evidence starts with things like morphology and population distribution and then, as chemistry advances, becomes genetic as well. Meanwhile the cosmologists are finding more evidence about the vast size of the (virtual) universe and that it’s tied together at scales hundreds of millions of times smaller than an atom.
What’s more, the research that’s being done in these fields yields technologies that you use every day — computers, cell phones, antibiotics, vaccines, genetically engineered foods, and so on. The knowledge base on which these technologies are built is the very same that underlies these theories about the development of life and the age and size of the universe.
In short, for decade after decade, you and your fellow researchers probe the depths of the supposedly virtual reality, looking for the point at which the illusion stops and the handiwork of the external creator and maintainer of this immense charade finally becomes manifest. But you never reach such a point. On the contrary, more and more and more evidence from observation after observation, experiment after experiment, seems to confirm that this virtual reality is so detailed, so fine in its construction, that its apparent age and size and biological history seems… well, real. You are faced with a stark choice. Either this creator has deliberately and skillfully misled you so completely, fabricating evidence down to the level of elementary particles and up to the scale of entire structures of galaxies, that every test you make confirms (or usefully improves) the theories about it you are apparently intended to have; or the universe is in fact *real* and so are the theories you have formed about it that allow you to have a modern technological existence.
That, Christian, is your choice. You claim to have “studied evolution” — but I am skeptical of your claim. Because if you had studied it at any depth, you would know that the fundamental theory of evolution is supported not just by the evidence Darwin used over a century and a half ago but by geology, astronomy, cosmology, particle physics, inorganic and organic chemistry, genetics, proteomics, climatology, crystallography, and so on. We understand it better than we currently understand gravitation, and it is just as much a fact. I repeat: you are faced with the choice of denying the basis on which your own day to day existence rests (including the computer you used to access this site and the electronic networks your computer used to access it) or else calmly facing that reality and understanding that God (assuming God exists) is far, far greater than your little tribal myth imagines God to be, permeating a far greater and more ancient Creation that is developing continually and that is grand, complex, beautiful, and terrible than the Hebrews or the church fathers could have imagined.
Stop hiding behind your flimsy paper certitudes, Christian. Yours is the path of fear and willed blindness. But our survival as a species — and the survival of this beautiful planet on whose nurturing breast we evolved — depends on our facing and mastering, as responsible adults, the powers we have developed from our understanding of nature. “God only acts, and is, in existing deeds or men.” So said my teacher, William Blake. I recommend reading that great Christian poet and artist. He may be able to speak to you as others here cannot.
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If i read this correcetly, this guy was practically claiming to be a prophet: “I have met God”?
And a question for the Author, since he seems to be replying: if the bible proves that god is true, and god proves that the bible is true, then logically if one doesn’t exist, the other is false, right?
(God in this case is not a divine creator of any kind, but rather the Judeo Christian God.)
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BUHAHAHAHA!
YOU KNOW NOT OF MY POWER!
Dost thou not know that I AM the Holy Yaweh?
[/blasphemy]
Seriously, if I WAS as powerful as God, why should I share my power with somebody just because he says he won’t follow me if I don’t? That’s sort of coercion, and if I were God I would find followers who proved themselves DESERVING of eternal life rather than just demanding.
“God helps those who helps themselves”
Also, re comment 126, you say we are foolish to think you were being literal. However, don’t you think that it’s logical to say that since you are taking perfectly simple metaphors and claiming them as fact, your own perfectly simple metaphors may also be taken as fact? Makes sense to me.
And I’d say that in the same comment, you need quotation marks. Because God is not King David of Israel.
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So, what your saying is no matter how much evidence is set in front of your nose, your faith in God is so strong that you will continue to deny the blatantly obvious in favor of the dogma that your parents probably fed you while you were still a young child.
Wow.
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@ Christian (comment 126)
‘Do you think that since an Egyptian is called a son of the nile, the nile spat him up?’
Well, considering how much life in Egypt revolves around the Nile, yes. Without the Nile, nobody would live in Egypt, so he wouldn’t be born, so in a certain sense, he would be born from the Nile.
But what you’re implying is that no metaphors should be taken literally. Well, the Bible is essentially an anthology of fables and metaphors, as demonstrated by its many glaring continuity errors and by the way it has been interpreted as such Jews, as well as many prominent Christians and Muslims, and clearly you take /that/ literally.
Also, capital letter on Nile, okay? Proper noun. Same with Mohammed, Darwin, and Bobby in the original post.
‘I have read the entire Bible’
So have I. What do you want, a medal?
I’ve read the Bible, the Bahravaghita (sp?), and sections of the Qu’ran. I went to a Christian school, I’ve been thoroughly indoctrinated, and I’ve come to the independant conclusion that God is a fallacy. When that’s disproved, maybe I’ll turn religious. Guilty until proven innocent seems a fairly sensible stand on religion.
‘I do not believe in evolution. I have studied evolution.’
Let’s play ’spot the implied contradiction’!
There’s proof for evolution (such as selective breeding and the adaptation of finches), even if there’s only circumstantial evidence that it’s how we got here. In my book, a proven fact with a theory behind it is more believable than a possible ‘God’ with a theory behind it.
@ 125
Go and read the Open Letter instead.
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Did The Lord really name Darwin and Bobby? Did he really name them without capital letters too? I have to say, I love the odd “thee” thrown in here and there. It makes the nuts sound even funnier when they try and get all sombre and deep. Also, “Yahweh” should be in a rap song.
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@ Christian #126
Gotta give it to you, you’re like Herpes Simplex 2, you never go away, just keep flaring up!
Speaking of germs, since you have studied evolution and don’t believe in it.Could you explain the exogenesis of viruses within hosts and why it is not proof of evolution.
Let me simplify it for you:
You see when ANY virus attacks a host, it isn’t to feed, because viruses have no digestive system, no mouth, no ailimentary system(asshole). In easy speak, without a host to infect, they aren’t technically alive. They are just a packet of mRNA in a protein shell.When they do infect a cell, they inject the mRNA into the cell and its genetic material binds with the present DNA and gives it new growth instructions. The cell turns into a virus factory, making new viral material until the cell membrane ruptures(this is called phaging), and the new viruses spread to other cells and repeat the process.
The virus takes some of the DNA within the cell and uses it for its own needs, yes. But it also takes some of the cell’s DNA and incorporates it with its own. The change in thd viral DNA structure may cause the virus to become more virulent, infectious. Or it may become less so. But overall the virus is different.
Now, what I just described to you(and any lay-person can understand what it implies) is why the flu changes from year to year, why you can’t vaccinate someone for a cold(because it passing from one host to the next changes the structure of its DNA, and unless you can predict how it will change in the next host, vaccination is useless), how geneticists can tell who was the first person to infected in an area(patient zero). This on its face is…
EVOLUTION!
Not abiogenesis(something from nothing, like rotten meat makes maggots), but evolution. In addition, natural selection guarantees that only the most capable viral strains will reproduce and multiply. I didn’t say “strongest”, but capable. Moths, within one generation, can change their wing patterns and become unrecognizable next to their relative, yet the change in pattern may make it less likely to be eaten by a predator.
Tell me why this isn’t true, give me the name of the scientific gruop with the papers to prove it, don’t give me biblical quotes, or ANY of Duane Gish’s or Discovery Institute’s shit in it. Put your money where your mouth is.
But you wont answer me, I know you wont. BS in Marine Biology, have I, young Padewon! I’ll send you so much literature on evolution, when you shit, you’ll think of finch’s beaks! I am a little too much for you to take. Like I told you before, I was like you; and dare I say, I know how to take on your arguments. I will show you what a Pastafarian is really about. Really hope you give me an answer.
RAmen!
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Well, when you put it like that….
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Okay, I’m Catholic and even I believe this is taking it too far. Everyone is entitled to thier beliefs, but really, there is no proof that a god exists, whether he is known as the Flying Spagetti Monster or simply as God. Therefore, religion is based soley on what you believe. And also, Christian, have you ever heard of Pope Innocent the sixth? Or the crusades? Did you know that the bible was written more than a hundred years after Jesus lived (I know it was like, way more than that, but I don’t have time to look it up)? Oh yeah, and do you believe women are evil? because according to the bible, they are. The bible was written by power-hungry, beuracratic men. So they were kind of biased. And you do realize the church was okay with slavery, feudalism, and making girls marry at thirteen, letting their husbands rape them, and then having them die in childbirth because they were too young to have their bodies handle it? Not to mention the whole only letting very rich men be educated. Oh yeah, and just throwing this out there: didn’t Jesus say something about everyone, even the gentiles? So yeah, I thought every religion had to be flawed because to me, that’s part of a religon’s definition. But I applaud Pastafarianism because it is something to believe in, but tolerence is a huge part of it. You may not think they are tolerent from their website, but I have never heard of an instance where they attacked a religon deliderately and unprovoked. So yeah, that is comendable and definately something to be proud of. And a question: How do you not believe in evolution when there are so many cases of scientific proof of its existence? Honestly,do you think scientists have a conspiracy against God dating back to Darwin? Or actually before that if you think about Galileo? So Christian, wake up. And you’ll notice that not once have I slammed the god you and I both believe in. I have slammed Christianity’s history, and I have heard priests do the same. Christian you are intolerant and I pity you, pity you so much because you do not seem to get that there is always a line, and you are so far across it that I highly doubt you will ever so much as see it again. Jesus taught “Love thy nieghbor as you love thyself.” Um…I’m not seeing much love, or respect even. Oh yeah, and if you call me a godless heathen who will rot in hell, which is something I’ve never believed is God’s punishment for the “misguided”(not my word), you will be a hypocrite, because I don’t think God would want people to be forced to believe in him. Actually, I believe that doing so is a horrible act of tyranny. I may not be totally on the Christian Path to Eternal Life, but I feel that lying about history is not going to change it, and that the history of Christianity is so terrible that I’d understand the most devout christian in the world simply reading it and becoming an atheist. Forcing someone to believe something they think is ludicrous is a gross infringement of their rights. So do us all a favor, Christian, and look up the word “tolerance” and then learn how to do it. May everyone find something or someone to beieve in and not be persecuted for that belief, because everyone is owed that simply by being a human being.
And by the way, I think you need to hear this quote. It’s a quote that I think everyone who believes in the same God that I do needs to remember.
“God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.”
-Voltaire
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Hey Christian, congratulations. I think you may be one of the most popular and prolix contributors to this website. High score!
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Creeeepy…
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1000 Suns eh? Some sort of heavy duty sunglasses are in order then?
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@ Adam the Poet #134
I feel like I should buy you a beer. I was going to go into the plate tectonics thing (BS in Geology) to tell our misguided friend about the shellfish on the mountain (seems to me that was the argument they used back in the 1830’s), and expound on the likely relationship of dinosaur toys and drawings to their actual contemporaneous presence with the toy/drawing makers, but I like your response much better.
RAmen
ET
P.S. In the interest of providing useless and irrelevant information, my name means “foreigner” in old Norse, and my blogging moniker suggests I’m sort of the ultimate foreigner. This is certain to help Christian understand my point of view.
Or not.
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Phsyco!
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Okay, how can you believe in something that you do not understand, if you don’t understand something then you can not know the full beliefs. How do I know you don’t know? Because you state “God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them.” Yet you say you follow the teachings. That would be like me following a road in a foreign country, with all the signs in a language I don’t comprehend. Yes, I can get the basic feel of the signs based on what they look like, but for all I know I could be driving down a one way street. It’s dangerous to do something like this. Furthermore, the bible states to follow the law of the land, yet kings in the past have decreed that all newborns must be killed, even though the Bible says murder is a sin, but people had to do it. Fact is that most Christians follow parts of the Bible that they see as convenient. I don’t think you’re a true Christian, know why? Because I doubt you wear clothes that aren’t cross fibered, I doubt you are subservient to a man. I also highly doubt you don’t eat food that comes from a hooved animal. All of these things ARE in the Bible. If you don’t follow them all then you can’t possibly be a true Christian.
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Post #142: Wow, you have all of our respect, I think. Not many religious people who have posted on this site have been as respectful and rational and with a sense of humor. (Spelling’s better too xD)
Congrats.
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We have manuscripts of the old testament going back over 2500 years. And the new testament back to 10 years after Christ.
All hail God, the Lord of the Universe. Amen
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So yea.
Pastafarianism is a truly wonderful religion that makes more sense then christianity (at least for me)
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First off, well said Mr. Cathlic but unprejudiced! Christian, I don’t think it is neccessary for me to point out your bigotry, so I’ll go onto a greater fallacy of logic you commited; believing that actions are stronger than words. Are you suggesting that we all become meat-head animals?The greatest actions i history were great because they were backed by famous words. Think of Martin Luther King and his “I had a dream” speech. Or maybe Gahndi’sfamous quote, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind”. The Greeks used their words, not actions to settle debates. Even Jesus used preaching more than his “holy powers” to spread Christanity. If words are so weak, why are you using words to preach your message?
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I don’t know about you guys, but that whole little very wierd rant makes me a little scared….
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Lets get one thing straight. There is a lot of talk on this website, in particular under this post, that claim that the old and new testaments are intended to be inclusive for all people. This belief is supported by christians and non-christians alike on this website.
This is simply not true. The old and new testament scriptures describe a religion of exclusion. When God and Jesus talk of their people, they mean the Jews. All others were assumed to be taken care of by some other gods.
So unless you are a Jew, you have no business trying to claim God or Jesus as your savior. God and Jesus, by their own scriptures, do not want you. So, Christian and all others out there who follow such a literal interpretation of the bible, I suggest you take a closer read at the bible and you will see that the your literal interpretation of the bible also demands that you recognize that God is not there for non-Jews.
Therefore, your drive to interpret the bible literally will force you to convert to Judaism or drop the concept of God altogehter.
Cheers
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this is a big joke. you are stupid seriously people think about it… dont take this offensively, its a joke making fun of religions..
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Christian, where did you meet God? You say; “I will not be swayed because i have met God” so I’m curious- how awesome was that? Do you guys shop at the same grocery store or something? Most people who meet God get to add a new book to the Bible- let me know if you need help writing yours.
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Umm….it’s not “making fun of religions,” as you say, #155. FSMism is a satirical argument against dogma, blind loyalty to ideas without proof, and most importantly, the attempt of Creationism to masquerade as science (aka “Intelligent Design”). The idea is to be tolerant of all religions, provided that they don’t stick their proverbial noses where they don’t belong.
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you all are stupid of POST 155:
Who is stupid? Those who don’t get the joke (like Christian) or those who perpetuate the joke (like me).
I’m afraid you weren’t clear.
Your lack of clarity leads me to believe that you think those who perpetuate the joke are stupid. Generally speaking (Catholic but unpredjudiced of post 142 excluded), those of you who rant against FSM are less gifted in your ability to communicate with the written word.
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1000 suns? I hope not because that means I die from immediate overheating and UV-burnination.
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I believe you are mistaken Kilgore Trout.
In the Old testament there is a prophecy that states “the people walking in the darkness have seen a great Light” and again when speaking of Messiah “He will be a Light to the Gentiles(thats us). And in the New testament Jesus says “start from Jerusalem and spread the Gospel to the whole world”. So you see Kilgore, a literal reading of the Bible clearly state that God is God of the whole world, not just Israel. A third example is that He visited Ezekial in Babylon, clearly showing that God is not confined to Israel and the Jews. And a fourth example is in Revelations when John says he see “a group so large no man could count, come out of the Great Tribulation, they are of every tongue, nation, and kindred. Amen
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155-great, he haven’t had a new troll in awhile, telling us making fun of religion is offensive and we are all stupid. I suggest Bobby give you your own post in hate mail section so we can have a good laugh.
Chris: showing your ignorance again, though after you said you think people and dinos walked together, nothing you say surprises me. No one knows when the New Testament was written when or by who.
Speaking of archeology, since you do not believe in carbon dating, how would you know when a certain document was written-except that this is what you want to believe?
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It’s obviously pointless to attempt to enlighten someone as stubborn as Christian. I used to work with someone who had the same attitude, they were completely capable of denying an event that occurred right in front of them because it conflicted with their faith, and faith was more important to them than reality. I cannot imagine twisting my thoughts in that manner, and if I had not seen it, I wouldn’t believe anyone else could either. No matter how thoroughly we present and analyze and explain the most fundamental and basic evidence, people like Christian will put their hands over their ears, scrunch their eyes shut, and shout “NA NA NA NA NA NA CAN’T HEAR YOU”. Reality doesn’t enter into their little world. They clutch their faith to their chests like it’s a tank of air and they’re underwater. I’m probably not going to bother trying to communicate with Christian any more, since I know he’s incapable of understanding anyone else’s opinion if it’s different from his own.
And the way he keeps trying to sound like he’s from the 13th century with all the thees and thous and word order inversions – give me a break.
May the FSM smile on all people, and grant us beer and pasta evermore.
RAmen
ET
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I think this is nothing more than a funny website making fun of some of the more far out religions, I dont believe that anyone truly believes in a flying spagetti monster, but it is a funny notion, makes a good prank to tell a freind you believe this. I dont know how anyone could take this seriously enough to argue over.
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Hahaha! What on Earth is all this drivel? You are so terribly brainwashed I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. The world is in more trouble than I thought.
I’m off to get some Sun Protection Factor 1000!
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So do you worship god or this holy Yahweh? Make up you damn mind!!!
Oh, and actions are stronger than words? What actions has god taken in the last…two thousand years? You people worship words the same we do, ever heard of the Bible?
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am i agnostic?
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Christian (#150)
“We have manuscripts of the old testament going back over 2500 years. And the new testament back to 10 years after Christ.”
The Pyramid texts of the ancient Egyptian religions are older. So if age defines authority, they win.
The manuscripts of early Christianity were not standardized until the 4th century AD. Even afterwards, there have been significant differences between translations (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bible_translation). If the bible is accurate now, it can’t have been in the past. Were the earlier christians right or you, the later ones?
The bible is interpreted differently by the various christian churches. If the bible is a source of irrefutable evidence of god’s word, how can all your god’s believers contradict each other so much?
If the old testament is accurate, god as responsible for the slaughtering and enslaving of the Midianites. Can you justify that? I don’t expect you’ll reply to this unless it’s to tell me god loves us through jesus christ and that’s not an answer.
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I met G-D, too. We play Poker every Thursday (Friday, obviously, being Shabbat). He told me to tell you to shut up, and leave people alone. He also said you should read your part of the book more closely. Something about not throwing stones? Yeah. That bit.
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GO CHRISTIAN GO CHRISTIAN. Please send me an email at gardal@euroweb.net.mt to help you fight this immorality. Together we can make the difference =]
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20% of america has met god. Don’t think you are special
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Alright alright alright…so obviously this has become a big thing and i think people are taking it to far…
BEFORE you guys start replying to how ignorant i am, i am not on this “well-received” servant of Christ guy. We can all call him on what he said, how he is treating others, blah blah blah, but seriously, i think you should just leave it alone.
In my opinion, Christian is probably just doing this for some twisted form of fame. Maybe he just wants his 15 minutes. Why would he come onto this site, obviously NOT Christian, and post this? Seriously? You’re just looking to get shot man. I think that’s what he wanted. To get noticed.
But maybe he really is CONVINCED that he can turn us all around with his ideals and sermons.
To make religions points now, (here we go…) Let’s just look at what he said. First off, what better way to be a true Christian than to threaten us into your religion? “For the whole world will HATE you…” jeez i better go back to my young religious days!! Or is Roman-Catholic not right, only Christianity? Be careful, because Catholicism is Christianity. “I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions.” What makes you think we will be convinced by words? Christian, this is a site that is almost challenging (almost) your view!
What makes you think we will change? What purpose did your comment serve here Christian? Do you want us all to be loving Christians, who, and i could go on FOREVER with the Bible and all that it says, should FEAR God? What about Buddhism? Islamic? Judaism? Can i praise Allah or Shiva? Or just God? Christian, what was your purpose?
People, this was probably just an ill-fated act of desperation for being noticed. All over the world, and sadly mostly on the internet, people do this kind of thing all the time. Just to get noticed and make people angry. I have no doubt that comments will continue, but Christian, if you truly want God to be with you, do not harm other people and there beliefs, for even though we may be seen as your enemy, you must treat us as your friend.
P.S…
As a final note, I’ll leave with some religious points. First off, my grandfather Terry is a bishop with the Roman-Catholic church, and received a letter that disgusted both he and I about the word Yahweh. Christian i hope you will read this, because the letter stated that “you shall not use the word Yahweh in any sermon or prayer from now on because it is a sin to use this savage name of our God” (this is not a direct quote, if you would like to see the letter i can either mail it or post it on here). So Christian, change your original post because Yahweh is not a willing term anymore.
To finish this rather long final note, here are some quoted verses from the Holy Bible: Good News Edition, which was given to me when i was still in grade school:
Exodus 21:7-10 “If a man sells his daughter as a slave, she is not to be sold to someone who intends to make her his wife, but he doesn’t like her, then she is to be sold back to her father; her master cannot sell her to foreigners, because he has treated her unfairly. If a man buys a female slave to give to his son, he is to treat her like a daughter. If a man takes a second wife, he must continue to give his first wife the same amount of food and clothing and the same rights that she had before.”
Leviticus 25:44-46 “If you need slaves, you may buy them from the nations round you. You may also buy the children of the foreigners who are living among you. Such children born in your land may become your property, and you may leave them as an inheritance to your sons, whom they must serve as long as they live. But you must not treat any of your fellow Israelites harshly”
Leviticus 11:9-11 “You may eat any kind of fish that has fins and scales, but anything living in the water that does not have fins and scales must not be eaten. Such creatures must be considered unclean. You must not eat them or even touch their dead bodies.”
Leviticus 19:27-28, “Do not cut the hair on the sides of your head or trim your beard or tattoo yourselves or cut gashes in your body to mourn for the dead. I am the Lord.”
So carnal slaves, selling your daughter and second wives are okay, slaves are okay if they are bought from neighboring countries or as foreign children, but no shell fish, tattoos, are stylized beards…interesting…
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wow Christian, what your doing is bold and I honor you for that.
I honestly dont care what you people think about me but my name is Hayden. I am a 15 year old christian who does is just like everyone else in the world. I go to high school(public), I play sports (football, wrestling, and track), and I’m even in the band (percussion) and I just wanna show you and state that I am a regular person like you, and I feel that after reading what some of you people wrote, I feel that I should put my “2 cents” in.
really people, if your going to bash him (or her) get your facts straight.
yes the old Testiment clearly states things like stoning your child, wife, or whoever when he or she lies and stuff like that is what you should do. but if you put more thought into it and just quit, saying “thats enough information”, the new testiment says how some of the old testiments teachings shouldn’t be done beacuse they’re not needed any more.
and who cares if egyptian texts are older than the bible.
Horses have been around longer than cars or ships or airplanes. That doesn’t mean you just ditch using your cars, or ships or airplanes for transportation for horses, and by the way I know horses and ships don’t really mix cause you can’t use a horse as a mode of transportation over water effectively, but I’m just using that as another example of transportation.
it is also understandable, which, I thought, was one of the shallowest accusations I think I have every heard. you just have to read it first people, and not just the old testiment or new, but THE WHOLE THING. and read it with the feeling like your going to try to get something out of it, not just a way to find a way to disprove,denouce, or to claim false, Christianty or the Bible.
so thats just my “2 cents” of information I just wanted to throw out there people, to show you that your accusations, or the ones that I read, can be disproven and that what Christian is doing is a bold move and you should love God as well and not try to say that what whoever believes a certain thing is stupid for doing that. not some parody spoof spaghetti monster, whatever it is. Cause in the end, your just making yourself look dumb.
oh and before someone says it, cause it’ll eventually be said, Christians arent perfect. so who cares about typos for cryin out loud or whatever we slip at, cause were humans too. we dont think were better than you.
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Hi, I’m Christian too! While I do not prescribe to the ideals found here on this lovely website, I feel compelled to leave a big steamy turd of a comment on your post. I’m doing this because you irritate me and remind me of how fucking pissed off I get when “jesus people” always compliment me on my name and say really ignorant things like “Oh, you must be a christian then!”
There is no such thing in an invisible man that lives in the sky. He’s 100% made up for two reasons…
1. make you feel better about dying
2. to control ignorant people
Thank you and good night.
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Hey Christian,
Have God give me a call! I have been trying to get in touch with that bitch for years! I’m not getting any answer when I call. Next time you talk to him tell the cheap f$%ker to buy an answering machine!
ralphie
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Hello, my name is christopher, which means ‘christ carrier’. Except i really cant remember having carried him on any occasion, it would appear that names really don’t mean anything christian.
You claim words are not as powerful as actions. So then surely you would be more likely to follow science, a lot of evidence coming from experiments, as opposed to religion, a lot of ‘evidence’ coming from really old books.
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Will these midgit hating non-pirates EVER give up???
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In regards to post 142, I simply must say thanks — that’s probably the most persuasive argument on behalf of Christianity that I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard a lot. You probably won’t ever read this, but nonetheless, your open-mindedness is much appreciated and I hope for a day when I can meet more people like you. You have alleviated a certain amount of cynicism that I hold for organized religion, simply by being tolerant of other peoples’ views.
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To 173 (hayden)-
I appreciate your thoughts on this topic my friend, however, you are 15 years old. I don’t think I would commit so whole heartedly to something that I have clearly barely begun to understand. This website and it’s “religion” is obviously satire. And although it probably does have a real actual following, I truly believe it’s all to poke fun at all the idiosyncrasies of religion. You see, when posting a comment on a topic such as this you must have all your ducks lined up in a row. Which is the exact reason this CHRISTIAN is being made a fool of. There are plenty of arguments for and against religion, most of which even have a name. What you did there with the Egypt and horse comparison – not even a valid argument. You supposed his position was that since egyptian religions were older he must think they are more valid to use. That’s called a strawman argument. So you see, I urge you to THINK before you type, and really, really just question why you believe what you believe. This world is beautiful simply because it is and I don’t need GOD to realize it.
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“And if wicked tounges insult and hate you all because of me, blessed, blessed are you!”
I admire you, Christian. The boldest and truest of us ought follow your shining example. God will bless you in heaven for your brave actions, for there aren’t many of us who can truly express our knowledge to the world even behind a computer screen.
I am young, and it is true that I know not the tortures of the world, but the insults that followers of Christ that many others including myself receive for faith ought be example enough. The above quote assures me when I walk down the halls, when I go to lunch, when I return home late at night to an empty house, that God will b my reward in heaven. God is all I have. He i my mind, my heart, my soul, and my strength, and that is enouh for me. Inuslt me, hate me, loathe me all you like,but at least I don’t worship a flying mound of boiled grain. God loves you anyway, and to shun his gaze is to sin the soul of man.
May you e blessed in the name of the Father and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Praise be to God.
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Hi Hayden, thanks for stopping by. Unfortunately your two cents did not really amount to, well, two red cents.
The reason people have been talking about how old some texts are, is that our famous friend Christian brought it up in the first place. He cited some numbers regarding the age of the scripture which, inaccurate as they were, in his thought(apparently)gave validity to it. That is all. No one has said the more antiquated a book is, the better.
As for the good cop-bad cop argument(sorry, I meant New Testament-Old Testament), you might want to remember that while Jesus does sound a lot nicer than his daddy, he gave us something we never had before: hell. Because as cruel and murderous as the Old Testament God is, once his victims are dead, he is done with them. There is no mention of torturing the dead anywhere in the Old Testament. So sorry-the argument just doesn’t cut it. It doesn’t make the deal any sweeter.
I have a suggestion for you: why don’t you read the Koran, cover to cover, taking it seriously and not just trying to debunk it, and then we will have something to discuss. How’s that? And while you’re at it, you may want to take a look at the Mormon, Hindu, Buddhist and Vishnu texts too.
What our dearest Chris is doing is just too bold and honorable-showing his intolerance in the cyberspace, condemning others to eternal punishment for thought crimes. Too bad it’s a little late for burning the heretics at the stake.
And by the way, while to err is human, not to know how to use the spell check is just silly. But don’t worry, most of our trolls are like that.
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Wdabrock of Post 141
Now that’s what I am talking about. I like the anger and aggression. You are my kind of Pastafarian.
Well said.
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Christian of POST 174 and Ralphie of POST 175
Equal koodos to you two for the anger and aggression (and humor). Keep it up pastafarians. We should not openly accomodate the religious.
I encourage all to watch the following video:
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/richard_dawkins_on_militant_atheism.html
and read the following article:
http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=should-science-speak-to-faith
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Christian, in response to POST 161;
Nice try, but a few obscure quotes from the bible do not sell your point. The overwhelming majority of the bible was written by Jews, for Jews, to justify their wars and the bloodlines of their kings, and to control their people. Prophesies of a coming messiah were not created to describe how the world would be saved, but how Jews of the world would be saved from their oppressors.
The fact is, most of the bible reads like the quotations provided by Dan in POST 172. Here we see the Xenophobic nature of the Jewish tribes of the time. Only Jews (and really only Jewish men) had rights. Non-Jews were good for slavery and for raping and pillaging.
The books of David are rife with how David and his renegade band of outlaw Jews were sanctioned by god to kill all the Non-Jews and take the land and animals for their own. This was an OK thing to do because, as the bible tells us, these other people did not matter as they were not Jews. It’s not that these people were evil and needed to be killed; they just weren’t Jewish. This was cause enough.
Lots of other interesting things to look at in the bible:
1) Genesis, if read carefully, actually appears to be two creation stories combined together. It’s like the book was rewritten to include the two most popular creation themes that existed at the time. This is an obvious problem for creationists. Which story is true?
2) In Genesis and Exodus there are several locations where other gods are referenced explicitly and implicitly. Even the commandment “I am the lord your god, thou shalt have no other gods before me” implies that other gods must exist (and indeed the ancient Jews did believe other gods existed; Baal etc…) The Jews didn’t believe their god was there to protect non-Jews. They fully believed that there must be other gods out there looking after all those other people (Of course, this explains why they felt so free to murder all those other people. If other gods couldn’t protect other people from the Jews, then that wasn’t any Jews fault and it proved how powerful the Jewish god was.) The interpretation that the church would have you believe today is that this commandment means there is only one god. But if that were so, then the commandment would have read something more like: I am the one and only true god; all other gods are false.
3) The bible is gods message to man. Why is it so horribly redundant? And like 2000 pages long. What the F&%$. god really needed a better editor. If he had a message for man, why couldn’t he get it out there in memo form? It’s absolutely ridiculous to think that an all knowing superior being who chooses to guide us would do so with such a clumsily written, voluminous, redundant, and often times completely nonsensical (read the description of the Arc of Covenant in Exodus; what possible importance or message could this contain for future christians. It’s like 10 pages long. It’s ridiculous) text.
4) god is immoral. It is fundamentally immoral to deny a man of the knowledge between good and evil, tell him not to do something because it would be bad (like eat the fruit of knowledge of good and evil), and then punish him for that act of disobedience. Adam could not have understood the concept of disobedience before eating the fruit, yet the very act of eating the fruit was defined as disobedient. That’s a hell of a Catch-22 (A shout out to my good friend J. Heller). Come on god, give the poor shlub a chance.
5) god displays on several occasions in Genesis alone that he is not omniscient. If he were truly omniscient then he would not have been so surprised (and freaking angry) when Adam at the fruit, when Cain killed Abel, etc. In today’s world, god is all knowing and every single act is not only foreseen but preordained as part of some master plan. You hear christians saying it all the time, “… but I guess god had a different plan for me.” Clearly god had much humbler beginnings since he couldn’t even foresee that Adam and Cain would betray him. Good going god, you have come a long way.
I could really go on like this forever, but instead I will offer some non-biblical criticism of religion. This criticism is based on nothing more than some good old application of critical thought. Christian, I hope you will answer the mail on this one.
Critical Thought: Why is heaven so great? Most christians will tell you that it is because everyone loves each other and there are no wars, etc… But how can that be? Are we all brainwashed when we get to heaven? Are we no longer capable of independent thought? Do our experiences in our mortal lives which formed our viewpoints and opinions count for nothing? And if your answer, Christian, is something along the lines of; we are so filled with gods love and a more complete understanding of everything to the point where there is no need for disagreement or conflict – then don’t bother sending me a reply, because that is a hollow platitude. Any heaven where everyone thinks the same to the point where there is a complete lack of conflict sounds great initially, but it denies free will and would be so horribly dull we would all pine for a few lakes of fire and a good bit of torture.
In closing I want to stress that I am not anti-Semitic and that none of my references to Jews above are meant to be interpreted in a derogatory fashion. I am merely trying to stress that the bible was a Jewish creation and was never intended to be co-opted by christians.
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Wow, we are gathering more trolls. The fun is only beginning.
@180: Yeah, Chris will sure get a prize for his “bravery”, sitting in the comfort of his home and condemning people who think differently. Now, that’s something.
You know, the FSM is all I have. Wahtever I do, I know will be rewarded with strippers and beer volcanos. His Noodly Goodness is my heart, my soul, my strength, and that is enough for me. Insult me, hate me, loathe me all you like, but at least I don’t worship a zombie who was his own father and his own son, who instructed his followers to eat his flesh and drink his blood ritualistically, and has promised to brun people, as his true followers did for centuries, for merely not believing.
Now I know why you’re such a nice guy.
Ramen
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Christian means, ‘follower of christ,’ not, ’servant of christ.’ Seems one as devout as you might have checked.
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Hello, my name is Sagetist, whcih means follower of Bob Saget. You know, that guy from Full House who played the dad and completely disappeared aftr the show ended. If you’ve ever seen that tourets guy on YouTube, he and I share the same curse name, only instead of saying God. Anyway, after I heard about this whole ‘flying spaghetti monster’ religion, I figured I should come check it out. I just wanted to say that I laughed my eyes out for about fifteen minutes before coming here to the hate mail page, nd it appears that some feelings have been hurt by this religion, especially on the christian side. Well, I’m not going to take sides. But I will tell you that I think it’s cool for anyone to believe what they want and, Christian, what you’re doin is admirable but please don’t try to force anything upon others. And Pastafarians (lol), it’s nice that you want to follow a food, but if you are going to do so as such a joke please don’t take it seriously. I’m not kidding. It’s a waste of your life.
Sincerely,
Andy G., Sagetist at Large
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Hayden (#173), well done on the grammar and punctuation – a fine example. It shows you made the effort to think about what you wrote before you wrote it, and maybe even proof-read it before clicking Submit, a rarity on here.
You won’t get me reading that stupid book you xians keep referring to, though. The reason is that if I did, it won’t convince me that it’s true. It’s a big outdated book of violence, twisted lies and plagiarized myth with really small writing and I can’t be bothered. Another reason is I don’t care what’s in it, not even to compile all the contradictions as ammunition to fuel a war against you believers on here. None of it is proof of anything so there’s no point. Astrophysics and Darwinian evolution can explain what happened between now and the Big Bang in a rather convincing way and on top of that the mathematics involved look simple and elegant and beautiful when expressed in higher dimensions.
I asked my Religious Studies teacher at school why we were being taught about Adam and Eve and a talking snake in one lesson while being taught about the formation of the stars, planets and heavy elements via supernovae in another. He replied, “I’m not asking you to believe, I’m asking you to study it, as our heritage.” This caused me to show respect to the teacher thereafter. It’s a pity you didn’t stop where I did. It’s a pity you bought into it so soon in your life because I can see that you’re intelligent by the way you present your words.
Here at the church of FSM we allow you believe in a god or not, and he may represent himself to you however he chooses, hence the flying ball of spaghetti. What we’re trying to make people like yourself aware of, when you stumble across our site, is that it’s okay to believe (or not be sure either way!) without having to follow all the associated dogma and religious doctrine bullshit that we consider a hinderance to the progress of mankind. We consider this site to be educational and funny at the same time, and I hope you come back to the site and read some of the other hatemail sent to us, and you’ll also notice that it’s almost entirely Christians that launch attacks on our site.
Regards,
LA
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Kilgore Trout rocks!
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@ #182 The(Famous)Impaler,
Kudos to you, also!
Dawkins’ assertion that that Christianity and other religions are inherently dangerous and many of their attacks against the “Bright” movement, an attempt to legislate Biblical law is a correct evaluation of the Pastafarian dilemma. Militance against the enemy or a display of agape(pasta)love and tolerance.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is what Dr. Dawkins predicted the future would hold for atheism in the future. A church or reason and thought as opposed to blind faith in the unseen. That’s what drew me to Pastafarianism in the first place. But as you can see from my posts, sometimes my tolerance of the abysmally ignorant is very short. I’ve seen, first hand, how blind faith shuts down a perfectly, logical mind and turns it into a cranium full of Cream of Wheat.
I’ve heard that some don’t like your form of FSM worship. Well, under the umbrella of Pastafarism, there should be room for us all. Continue fighting the good fight, and someday, we will meet next to the beer volcano and with buxom wenches in lap, toast to a life well lived!
RAmen
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Wdabrock of POST 190,
Ramen brother. Ramen. I too hold little patience for those of blind faith not willing to recognize the contraditions in their own religion (check out Kilgore Trout’s post 184; good stuff).
But just between you and me, I’m not waiting for the FSM’s reward. I’m grabbing a beer tonight at Solid Gold.
Keep fighting the good fight.
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Okay, you can’t possibly think that the Bible is true can you? I mean seriously, it was made by man. Moreover, the books in the Bible were selected by a group of men. We know that there are certain books that were pirposefully left out of the Bible because they gave God “too bad of an image” and they were also “Too harsh for people”, and yet people call the Bible the truth. On top of all of that who was in control during the Dark Ages? Who wrote the Bibles during the Dark ages? Catholics, the people that Christians secretly despise. Where do we get our Bible? From the Catholics. Don’t say we don’t, because if you do you’re not to well read on history. All of this furthers my argument that Christians follow the parts of the teachings that they feel like. You can’t possibly do ALL of the things in the Bible, simply because some of the scriptures were ommited. There’s more I want to add, but unfortunately I must take my leave.
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Hayden (#173) – “wow Christian, what your doing is bold and I honor you for that.” You may want to check out some of his other posts first.
“yes the old Testament clearly states things like stoning your child, wife, or whoever when he or she lies and stuff like that” “ “the new testament says how some of the old testaments teachings shouldn’t be done because they’re not needed any more.” So once genocide has served its purpose we can forgive the perpetrator? Would you apply that logic to the Nazi’s and their holocaust?
“who cares if egyptian texts are older than the bible.” Christian apparently thinks age is evidence of authenticity, I was simply using the example to propose it isn’t. Thanks for backing me up.
“and read it with the feeling like your going to try to get something out of it, not just a way to find a way to disprove, denounce, or to claim false, Christianity or the Bible.” Well if I try and get something out of the bible, I undoubtedly will. If I try and get something out of the FSM, I will. If I try, I can get something out of anything; that doesn’t make it true. I don’t even have to try to get something out of beer, you’ll find that out when you’re older ;-)
“so that’s just my “2 cents” of information I just wanted to throw out there people, to show you that your accusations, or the ones that I read, can be disproved” Your standard of proof isn’t that high I’m afraid.
“you should love God as well” Why? I think he’s as believable as Santa
“and not try to say that what whoever believes a certain thing is stupid for doing that.” I never would, I’d say anyone who believes something blindly is foolish.
“not some parody spoof spaghetti monster, whatever it is. Cause in the end, your just making yourself look dumb.” Any dumber than some of the things you believe? Omnipotence, walking on water, resurrection after death, angels to name a few.
I_Love_The_Lord (#180) “The above quote assures me when I walk down the halls, when I go to lunch, when I return home late at night to an empty house, that God will b my reward in heaven. God is all I have.”
Reading that makes me really sad. Lighten up a bit, get out of the church and meet people. If you want to maintain friends try not being so pious. If god is all you have you need to get out more, people are all that matter. Good luck.
*Quote’s have had some grammar and spelling corrected to protect the guilty*
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Well your ignorance just made me thought process die for a moment their friend. If you’ve spoken to god, how come i haven’t? I want to speak to him. REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD. I want to tell him how selfish and how much of a lazy asshole he is. But whatever, have fun with your closed mind.
Sauce be with you.
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do you realize you sound like osama bin laden? seriously, it sounds like next youre going to start bombing pirate ships and italian resteraunts. youre very good at meaningless drivel, though. RAmen.
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Hey, i live near where Darwin was born! Shrewsbury, UK, and i dont think its nice when you start complaining to us you cant see commen sense…
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Ya know… I just pity this guy. I just feel bad for him.
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Since he seems so sure of his own intelligence and power, perhaps he could explain something to me that’s always bothered me: If the Bible was created (supposedly) by God, and it is the Bible that tells us to believe in the Christian God, and gives us proof of his existance, isn’t that sort of beggin the question? For you to believe in God because of the Bible, you would have to already believe in him…
I personally love this site, and wish that more people would subscribe to the 8 “I really rather you didn’ts” – I think the world would be a much happier place. If I wasn’t already happy with my religion, you’d no doubt have a convert. Long live the Church of the FSM!!!!
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@ez, post 198: In religions you aren’t supposed to ask questions, you’re supposed to listen, ignore contradicting evidence (and say that it’s the work of the devil (or any anti-deity)), and avoid any deeper thought at ALL COSTS. So, I guess he couldn’t.
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actually, the bible was probably created by jewish scholars and scribes in late Mesopotamia (please correct me if anything is wrong).
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@199
I would beg to differ with the idea that one isn’t supposed to ask questions. Different religions have different degrees of orthodoxy, that is, how much deviation from certain approved mythological sources is allowed, and how many sources are approved. Some religions do off with orthodoxy almost entirely and fall entirely onto orthopraxy. Thus those concern themselves not with the beliefs of the individual but with the propriety of the actions.
and as restrictive as that may sound, it is the nature of anything that organizes, any social structure is shaped and constrained by the culture it develops in, and also constrains the culture… to a limit, there is always free will and variance in interpretation of life.
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not wanting to die eh. So you are in it for the immortality to huh?
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This always confused me, so i’ll put it out there. For so many years, Christians have said ‘God masks his presence to test our faith’. Honestly guys, why? If God wanted to be worshipped so badly by those whom he created, why would he give the most obscure reasons to believe? Because, really, if at high noon one day, a lightning-bolt came from the clouds and split the ground in twain, a huge monolith of the creator rising from the ground as the angels sang from the Heavens, I swear there’d be little protest against his being. Wouldn’t that honestly be easier for him to do than to leave ‘clues’ and ‘hints’ to his being throughout history?
Oh and just while i’m ranting, why on earth would he create hate, greed, iggnorance, etc, in the first place? If God created all the good, he also created the bad, -all- of it. What the heck was the point of -that-? Another thing to ‘test’ your faith? The divine being in the universe wants to cause thousands of years of pain, hate, starving and death to test those who would be worthy to walk in heaven?
Why didn’t he just make -everyone- worthy to walk in heaven? He made us (apperently), all of us, and he made the way we think. So why not just make everyone a pure, good, whole-hearted person? Look at it from the big picture, Christians, it doesn’t make sense. He made everyone differently, and he made some people filled with hate and rage to test the other guys he made (the ones he filled with happiness and sugar) to deem who was worthy of getting into the heaven he created for the guys who passed the test. If that’s the case, God isn’t sane. And if he’s not sane, he is not a God.
RAmen all.
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did Mr Christian just use “Yahweh”? And isn’t that the HEBREW name for God?
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Piratey Ninja,
You have hit the nail on the head. God is fundamentally immoral on several occassions. To list a few:
1) It is fundamentally immoral to deny someone of the knowledge of good and evil and then punish them when they transgress. This was the case for Adam and Eve in the garden.
2) It is fundamentally immoral to hold absolute power over a weaker creature and then subject them to continuous threats and torture. This is what god does to us every day.
3) It is fundamentally immoral to give man free will, tell them to be good or else, but then flood their lands or burn their cities without giving them a chance to express their free will and change.
I could go on, but why? Clearly these immoral acts deny god of his godhood status. He is a narcisistic bully with self worth issues.
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Hmm,
and there i thought Christian meant victimized alter boy?
Go figure…
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Know what? We need catchy language like christians have. With all yer ‘thou’ ‘thau’ and ‘thee’ stuff, no wonder you are all-powerful? I’d be like “thou needest to wakest up and realize thee numbskullery of thy religious incantations. thy noggin is full of thee poop!” and “thy noodly goodness supplies me with thy mostest powerful power-like-stuff known as the carbohydrate” Which by the way, is way more useful than praying! Go play in the road, Christian…….
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Actually, I think God is more of a dry drunk. That’s because the FSM won’t let him anywhere near the beer volcano, either fresh or stale.
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Hello Christian, my name is Kathleen which is derived from the name Katherine, which has several possible meanings.
“From the Greek name Αικατερινη (Aikaterine). The etymology is debated: it could derive from the earlier Greek name ‘Εκατερινη (Hekaterine), which came from ‘εκατερος (hekateros) “each of the two”; it could derive from the name of the goddess HECATE; it could be related to Greek αικια (aikia) “torture”; or it could be from a Coptic name meaning “my consecration of your name”. In the early Christian era it became associated with Greek καθαρος (katharos) “pure”, and the Latin spelling was changed from Katerina to Katharina to reflect this.” (www.behindthename.com)
Just because your name means something does not mean that you have to be a holier-than-thou ass.
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i think that this is all a bunch of bullshit. and anyway im jewish but still this guy is fucking retarded
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Nathaniel: Good point. I seem to remember something along the lines of ‘the Christian god’s name is too holy to be pronounced by us mere mortals, and thus we refer to him simply with ‘God’.’ (Sweden is protestant/lutheran (whichever), btw.)
Ye gods, you’re not telling me I’m a better christian than this fanboy??
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Physics Wench,
Um…I don’t know quite how to say this…it’s a bit embarrasing…but, you kinda turn me on.
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GROW UP!!!! quit being such a douchebag. do you find me telling you how to live your life? NO. quit preaching to me before I bumrape you with a rosary.
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Yo Christian, I would like to make a concern on how you have behaving so ludacris to tghe people in whom belives it. You kno wt i have to make a comment on Jesus HE IS ONLY A PROPHET NOT A GOD GOT THAT so shutup with your whiny things and go away as a matter of fact u dont belong in this world. SO FUCK U jesus is a prophet dont make fun of muhhamed or i WILL KILL U
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Its not like we are saying bad comments on the Christainity
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y’know whats odd about most of the people who send this hate-mail?: they write of god as if they have proof of his existence. I actually believe in god, but the key word is BELIEVE. i can prove the existence of scarlet o’harra, or achilles as easily as i can prove god. god didn’t give me belief. i choose to believe. as a result, i cant tell anybody that their beliefs are wrong. this is also why i choose to be a pastafarian. what better faith than in a religion that is as intentionally fun and funny, as all the other religions end up being by accident when zealots take them to extremes.
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I love how little any of these idiots actually know about Christian theology. Where does it say in the bible that “you can’t explain spiritual matters to mortals.” They can’t even get fundamentalism right.
Her time might be better spent looking for the ark, or disputing carbon dating, or proving that the earth is 5000 years old, or surfing the focus of the family website.
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Dearest Christian,
While reading your post I came to the conclusion that you may be mildly retarded…not for believing in Jesus Christ, but for your belief that the END OF DAYS spans the distance between the time MUHAMMAD lived (CE 570-632), to the life of CHARLES DARWIN (CE 1809-1882), to the present year (CE 2008). How fucking long is this APOCALYPSE/TRIBULATION supposed to last? It seems that no two PROTESTANT denominations can agree on this point. And let us not forget our fine CATHOLIC and EASTERN ORTHODOX friends, not to mention the JEWISH, HINDU, BUDDHIST and MUSLIM populations of the world. Maybe a good secular psychologist could help un-muddle your thinking!
I have no quarrel with religion in principle. In fact, I know many religious people who are kind, generous, smart and creative…they are some of the best folks I know. It just seems that fanatical thinking, and I mean ANY FANATICAL THINKING (religious, political or otherwise), blurs the line between fantasy and reality and obscures fundamental truths while leaving little or no room for the gray area where most of the world resides.
Religion and spirituality should be private matters anyway…I no more want to hear about your relationship with Jesus Christ than you want to hear about some crazy girl’s astrological sign or what the last visit to her psychic revealed about future relationships or past lives. Treat people with respect and dignity, live and let live, and for GOD’s sake, unless you are asked, KEEP YOUR BELIEFS TO YOURSELF!
Sincerely,
JIM
P.S. What good can come from fostering hatred and intolerance?
P.P.S. And, while I’m asking questions, why do you give a shit about the state of my IMMORTAL SOUL?
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DUDE!? you met god?! can you bring him to my house for christmas? but don’t bother to ask him to bring his son, he made that fucker die remember? cuz that’s who we should all worship right? some ass-hole who killed his own son? yeah… that’s amazing…
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OK, look, I am Jewish, and I know that you cannot meet god in any form besides the FSM
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Christian = servant of Christ
Therefore Plebeian = servant of plebes?
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Hello my name is Christian, which means ignorant donkey. Oh, and you have met God? How is he feeling today? Any rapture threats? How’s Jesus?Need I say more?
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“You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled.”
I have spoken to His Almightyness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster itself, and petitioned that He shares His power with you so that your soul may be saved.
He said, it’s ok, done deal! You’re going to bask in FSM power after death. So, welcome to the flock, then. :-)
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mmmm i like this new god, i ate part of him a few days ago.
Not like the other god/s out there not giving me anything.
RAmen
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Technically, Muhammad is the same god as the christian god XDDDD
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It seems that you are breaking the first of the I’d Really Rather You Didnt’s, in which you are acting like a holier-than-thou ass. If you think that another religion is wrong, Christian, then take it out on another religion, such as-
-Buddhism
-Hinduism
-Islam
-Judaism
-Paganism
-Protestantism
-Or even the Church of The Invisible Pink Unicorn.’
Just don’t mess with us.
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“many false teachers will rise, darwin, muhammed”
You can’t really have a go at Darwin, He’s accomplished what you’re failing to do – Prove what he believed in.
And secondly, Muhammed?
That’s a bit harsh, seeing as Islam has not only existed longer then your religion, but there is actually a reason why someone would make up your religion, and it goes along with everything. Funny that.
Oh btw, seeing as you’re here do you think you can quickly explain the fact that your religion took stories from Paganism and Hellenic Paganism?
I mean, you laugh at those religions yet you took their stories. :]
They did come before you.
And stop trying to sound like something out of the bible, you’re sounding like a zealous, fundamentalist, egotistical, close-minded bastard.
Finally, if we’re on here we already care more about the state of Outer Mongolian Politics then what you believe in.
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I believe that the FSM is the same as the Christian god/Muslim god/all the other religions gods. In his divine/noodley wisdom/awesomeness, he created a slice of religion for all of us to partake in no matter our taste (he even created “morals” for those who didn’t want any religion).
Bobby = Five letters
Jesus = Five letters
Coincidence? I think not.
(Sorry if this point has been made, kinda new to the whole Pastafarian thing.)
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“You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled.”
So you’re saying that you’re Christian unless a better offer comes along?
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@ Yelonde
Muhammad is actually a guy who lived circa 600 AD and wrote the Koran. Allah is the name of the Muslim God, and He is the same as the Jewish/Christian God.
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I hope one day you will find your way to the love of the REAL Lord.
RAmen
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But it was soo easy!!!!!!!!!
Hello my name is GENIUS, which means DEVOTER TO THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER The MONSTER says that in the end, many false teachers will rise, darwin, muhammed and even your own bobby. I will not be swayed because i have met SPAGHETTI. FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them. When you accept MONSTER, you are entered by the HOLY DINNER PLATE OF MORTALS. That is why i cannot ever be convinced of your fruitless lies. I have personally seen the great power FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER commands. I will continue to log onto this site for a long time now. For if even one soul be saved while i am here, well in good deeds, none is greater. The MONSTER is my shield. I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions. FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER has granted me great faith and understanding and as long as the earth endures i will fear no evil for MONSTER is with me. You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled.
For the whole world will EAT you because of me-Flying spaghetti Monster to His followers- I beg thee to end this, then you will see and and the Truth will shine like 1000 suns. May the FLYING CARBOHYDRATE AND PROCESSED MEAT rule over Monster’s people forever BON APPETIT’!
-
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Dude i bet ur a jehova’s witness and according to that particular set of christian teachings theres only like 500 000 spots in heaven…. quit trying to make us convert and save a spot for your self… theyre probably all taken anyways… you. jackass.
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En méxico a eso le decimos Cocowash (lavado de cerebro) are you serious man??? digo yo no me meto con tu religion no hagas lo mismo con la nuestra. Dejad que los espaguettis se acerquen a mi.
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its interesting you said muhamaded, did you know that jesus is a major profit to the muslims, their the same god.
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i bet you are 1 of those people who think everything in the bible is fact. YOU ARE GULIBLE!
why have a go at darwin? he proved what he believed in.
christians havnt
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If you’re going to call Darwin a false prophet and, if I may be so bold as to infer from your letter, a harbinger of the downfall of man, I would suggest you get some facts straight. Charles Darwin was an avid christian who, in fact, attended Cambridge University to study theology and believed in a literal interpretation of the bible.
The publishing of The Origin of Species was delayed several years because what he was writing conflicted with his religious beliefs.
Charles Darwin was not the raging militant atheist that both theists and atheists try to make him out to be; he was just a man who put the well-being of the public (Because Knowledge is Power!) over his own beliefs.
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“I will not be swayed because i have met God”
Bill Maher would like to have a chat with you.
“I have personally seen the great power God commands.”
And we have all witnessed what the FSM has done for us, his physical embodiment has nourished our weary bodies time and time again. What you probably saw as “God’s power” was most likely a strong gust of wind or a strong reaction involving Nitrogen (A.K.A. Lightning).
“I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions.”
So, sending an e-mail which contains words, would that fall under the “action” or “words” category?
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The Bible mentions Darwin, Muhammad and Bobby?
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Hello. Great job. I did not expect this on a Wednesday. This is a great story. Thanks!
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If Darwin was the antichrist, humanity is in toruble, because he sure is a lot smarter that you.
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Actually it means “of anointed”
But… nice try?
: )
Christ isn’t a name, retard.
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I would like to point out that as my name is Christian too, and I am a Pastafarian, this does not prove anything. Perhaps Jesus merely wants us to respect his father the FSM and to love our fellow humans. But we can never really know Jesus’ intentions; after all, He did not choose you as his spokesman. We can only speculate, and in my opinion the ID-FSM theory is much more likely than the Christian theory.
R’amen.
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Hahaha, he does not understand and FSM ways.
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Jewish Zombie wants YOU! To eat his flesh and drink his blood.
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“but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled”
So you are saying that if we grant you power and make you immortal you will abandon your god? You pretty much fucked yourself in the eyes of every monotheistic religion, save satanism.
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anybody here to reply
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what a douche. dumbass religious bigot, muhammeds a false prophet? how is jesus superior to muhammed or hell even the flying spaghetti monster Himself. and fyi lord doesnt require caps lock
RAmen
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i love how a bajillion christians come in here, see this, and assume its an actual religion! I mean, how many stupid pious rednecks have internet? Its plain that this is a mockery of modern religion, and, aside from being funny, they should appreciate the criticism it offers. They should realize that the critque keeps them sharp, makes them think. But, as im sad to say, my comrads would rather throw a book, that was censored, ripped apart, and torn a new asshole 2000 years ago, at the atheists and the darwinists and teh pastafarians, instead of taking the joke.
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hay,Good blog friend.Do u like animal ? visit my blog here:Havanese Dogs and Puppies for Sale
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If you met God, how could you possibly still doubt Pastafarianism?
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Hi there. My name is Aurora, which means “a Disney Princess who is too lazy to get out of bed”. Since I’m royalty, I say begone with you, and don’t bother coming back.
I’ve got three fairy FSMmothers, and I’m not afraid to use them.
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This post has good and valuable information, Is nice to see some good articles like this one, thank you.
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“i have met God”
I always thought drugs were frowned upon in the modern Christian teachings.
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I really liked the way they came off
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I just wanted to say that I love this site
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Please tell me, how did god enter you? And remember: Getting raped as a kid by a priest does not count!
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Nice little prayer there.
There are only two things wrong with it.
1. You’re praying to the wrong god. FSM is the only true god.
2. You ended your prayer wrong. It’s “RAmen” not “Amen”
It’s Ok. I just hope that you can learn from your mistakes.
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I notice that you write god with a capital G,but Darwin,Muhammad and Bobby without.Those are name,god is not a name.
I supposed that is the way to respect other people for you.
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Firstly, Christian means follower of Christ which is Greek for anointed as mentioned earlier- secondly proper names are supposed to use capital letters but most importantly and I mean this – GET A LIFE! I mean someone who has entered the Spirit of the Lord – just sounds really disturbing. I always got the impression God was a bit of a hands off deity. I mean he has yet to fire a thunder bolt at Fred Phelps, if he did that or something really creative he’d have a lot of people worship him.
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“God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them”
convenient
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Hello Dafyyd Thomas!
Are you the only gay Christian in the global village?
do you also hate “lesbos” and “faggots”?
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We should take him to see a horror film since he’s not scared of anything, then bundle him up, throw him in my trunk, cement his feet then throw him into the lochness monsters home we will show him fear, oh yes we will!
Anyone wanna help, I need the cement but other than that I have everything else
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If you’ve seen God,then you’re either SUPER SPECIAL or just schizophrenic.Yahweh is a stupid name, btw. ^_^
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Christian, it’s probally been said, but you’re wasting your time. I don’t know how many letters you’ve written, but you still don’t get it do you? Now I know the speed of dumb. You’re letters only strengthen the message of this site. Hate mail from indoctrinated zombies like you take pride of place here – have you seriously not noticed?
Just to fire you up for another round of laughs on you – tell your god he can lick my sack. And when he’s done with that, could he please grow you a brain – cause your whole life is a practical joke bud. You’ve been had – you’ve been fooled, and here you’re the but of the joke – the illustration of the point. By all means stick around – but dont waste too much time, cause this brief existance is the only one you’re gonna get. Is that tough? Sure it is, but hiding from it won’t make a lick of difference.
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…And His noodly awesomeness has warned me against your false god. He spoke to me through pastakenisis and told me that the “god” of Abraham would corrupt the masses, telling them they must obey and convert or as you say “save”. Well I wont let it happen to me, may his noodly appendage protect me always from the raving lunatics. Why can’t you just see our way?
RAmen
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Wow. This guy has not only managed to try to insult us Pastafarians but had then gone on to (well.. attempt to) insult Muslims and Charles Darwin. In the first two sentences. So much for “Love your neighbour as you love thyself”.
RAmen
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Christian, may I note that you, like most “Christians”, have unfortunately missed “the point”. Missing the point usually occurs when people value the black-and-white validity of something (self-righteously labeled “truth), over what’s really important- how certain “truths” impact us. Especially when it comes to supernatural phenomena and God, it’s quite arrogant to think that we could actually “know” God. That’s just the ego talking, shamelessly defining who “God” is, so as to give the illusion of control. One thing I dislike most about Christianity, is that God is defined and interpreted, and even shaped according to the evolution of culture– which essentially makes God the manifestation of our Ego– reversing made in his image to God being made in our image. But if that wasn’t bad enough already, Christians treat this “God” as independent from ourselves– thus, even though this “God” was essentially created by Christians, they blame God for anything that happens, rely on God when things aren’t going their way, and count on God to cover all the travel expenses and arrangements for a perpetual vacation with bliss so great it’s beyond our imagination– all while the same time sending all the people that Christians strongly disagree with to hell, even if they would otherwise be considered good people.
false prophets? dude, if you’re concerned about that, target the real threats, which are actually universally accepted and taken very seriously. Join Anonymous– the seem to target any religion or political movement that is over-controlling- and if one world government is what you’re concerned about, something like that can only be accomplished (if it’s even possible with one of two extremes– socialism or fascism- neither of which FSM can be considered. If I were you, I would send endless amounts of hate mail to TCS (the Church of Scientology)like there’s no tomorrow. Fortunately I’m not you, and I so I wouldn’t consider doing something nearly obnoxious and pointless anyway; the only reason I suggested hatemail is because it seems that’s the only way you are capable of getting “the message” across (otherwise you wouldn’t be wasting time doing it.) but if I were not you, but as blindly passionate of a so-called Christian as you, I would probably join Anon, since they’re the best change of stopping TCS, thus making them/it the logical first step.
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“Bx 32 Says:
There is no way this is actual hate mail; nobody is this stupid”
you’d be surprised! I’ve actually (sad but true) met people a lot more “stupid” than this. But even though he appears to be stupid, he may well be relatively intelligent, even educated. It’s a terrible thing, religion. To quote from this guy’s own book, “At the time of the end, even the wise will be led astray” and what more effective way to do so then to use their own book against them, through skewed views, selective interpretation, as historically ignorant text-evaluations.
what Christians don’t get, is that when it comes to “one world government”s, the Bible is the best candidate to make it happen, since it’s so compatible with most religions, and so universally known and historically accepted. Constantine proved that when he singlehandedly reunited the roman empire under “Christianity”– that’s when so many pagan traditions got integrated into Christianity.
Satan is a devil in disguise- and sorry to say followers of Christ, but as far as the apocalypse is concerned, that makes your most sacred book the most religiously and spiritually dangerous book on earth.
so don’t just take it for granted- make sure you know what you believe in, why you believe it, and how your beliefs affect things in the long run. conformity should be the greatest enemy of anymore who takes their beliefs seriously, because when you conform, you ‘miss the point’.
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my God, i thought you were going to chip in with some decisive insght at the end there, not leave it with
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What a douche. Its fine if you have your own faith. No one cares. But in your pompous and assinine post, you saw fit to demean: us, Muslims, and Charles Darwin. Its people like you who made the holocaust and attcked the twin towers. Also, you claim t have SEEN god? Is that a metaphor? If not, your obviously schizophrenic and should have yourself committed. Peace.
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266 – March 16th, 2009 at – Lucious Perkins Says:
“…And His noodly awesomeness has warned me against your false god. He spoke to me through pastakenisis and told me that the “god” of Abraham would corrupt the masses, telling them they must obey and convert or as you say “save”. Well I wont let it happen to me, may his noodly appendage protect me always from the raving lunatics. Why can’t you just see our way? ”
You the man Perkins… I have long believed in Pastakenesis and I can prove that Telekenesis is a feeble and weak parody.
All that believe in telekenisis ( or the Christian god for that matter ) raise my hand.
See? Stupid biatches.
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WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yOU IDIOTS
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Ok DEREK, I’m awake (who could sleep through all that shouting). And your point is????
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Why is anyone surprised that Christian attacked anyone who didn’t agree with the world vision drilled into him? Don’t you know that churches are the most divisive institutions there are? Here in America there is a growing trend to not only have “Korean Lutheran” or “Greek Orthodox” churches, but even those who don’t openly advertise the ethnicity that want in conjunction with the sect are still polarized. So even if the marquee doesn’t state it, it becomes obvious this church is the “Czech” Catholic church, or there are the white and black Baptist ones.
It’s just another way for people to feel superior.
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My name is Ryk which means chauffeur of God.
I too have met God. His name is Stan, he lives up the block. I have seen him turn water in to beer. This miracle also involves grain, yeast, and hops. It is very cool. He also has beautiful twenty something girls always coming over to boink him, even though he is in his sixties. This is also cool. These miracles convince me he is a God. Perhaps not the God but a God. The fact of his divinity combined with his miracles involving beer and strippers have made a convert of me.
Like Christian whos name means servant of God, I am not to be swayed by words. I am to be swayed by beer and strippers. This being said, will the FSM object to my worship of Stan who is up the block. Is it blasphemous or is his Noodliness down with that.
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Oh, man. Jesus hates me? That’s a bummer.
[Especially because he's supposed to love me no matter what.]
I’ll bet you’re really fun at parties.
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@ – DEREK #273,
Your Caps Lock key is stuck, and your iteration speed is too fast for your typing speed.
Reality check, DEREK, talking snakes?
RAmen
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ok ok dont be that hard on him, he problably got gang raped or something
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Hello my name is Pastafarian which means server of pasta. The FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER says that in the end, many false teachers will rise, Phil the short order chef manager, Noah the pesterance of pirates and even your own zombie, Jesus. I will not be swayed because I have met pasta. The FSM warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them. When you accept the FSM, you are entered by the running to get a prime spot by the beer volcano and the stripper factory. That is why i cannot ever be convinced of your fruitless lies. I have personally seen the great power the FSM commands. I will continue to log onto this site for a long time now. For if even one soul be saved while i am here, well in good deeds, none is greater. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is my shield. I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions. The FSM has granted me great faith and understanding and as long as the earth endures I will fear no evil for the FSM is with me. You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as the multi-appendaged Flying Spaghetti Monster overnight, and then share a portion of that noodly power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled. For the whole world will say “meh, whatever” to you because of me-Zombie Jesus eats his followers- I beg thee to end this, then you will see and the Truth will shine like 1000 suns. May the noodly Flying Spaghetti Monster rule over the FSM’s pirates forever Ramen.
-Pastafarian
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dood, we’re not going to stop. we arent saying anything against your religion except that it is total bs, just leve us alon lest piraqte break ionto your house one night, cut off all of your hair, and stuff it into your dog, which will thenbe forced to puke the hair upon you… so decrees the flying spaghetti monster. No seriously dude, boobs or gtfo
AE. Please leave… none of us will be swayed by your lowly comment of nonsense and stuff.
May the pasta be with you,
Ramen
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O his Holiness the Flying Spaghetti Monster will damn you to the eternal pit of scalding sauce for your blasphemy! Change your ways Derek before His Carbaceousness sends his minions of doom after you… It’s not too late to appease Him that you may also feel the warm gooeyness of His Noodleship.
Seriously now…Derek, if your god is all that you say he is, why do you feel the need to defend him? I would think that an all-powerful, magical being would pretty much be able to handle his own business, no? Just sit back and laugh with the rest of the sheep and piss away the only life you have while waiting for heaven. The rest of us will be out here in REALITY if you need us…
P.S. If heaven’s so great, why are all of you so scared to die? Also, why do you cry at funerals? Shouldn’t it be a big party? “WOO HOO Aunt Doris is partying with the Lord!!!!!!” I don’t get it…
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Wait a second… The OP says ‘the LORD has told me that in the end times, many false teachers will rise, darwin, muhammed, even your own bobby,’ well, this ‘LORD’ must have his historical knowledge mixed up. Muhammed started his teachings in 622 a.d., the islmaic calendar even starts there. So unless the world ended 1400 years ago, your LORD is wrong. Funny that i, a teenager, know this, but your LORD doesnt. Hmm.
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“You will call me stupid and you will mock me”
Aha! So even Christian has a small sense of Pastakenesis, He knows what i was going to do before i did it! amazing…
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Ну а что еще писать шоб не потерли? :)
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So I posted something here yesterday and it never showed up…what’s the deal???
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Sorry, Christian,
But “Christian” is actually an ancient Babylonian obscenity that refers to certain acts with a goat. It wash considered hilarious when a certain self important group adopted the name for their members and their use of the name is responsible for several wars when that group was universally met with raucous laughter every time they went to the watering hole.
The “become powerful over night and give me enough power so I’ll never die” is a Nigerian scam. It’s on all the blogs.
Again, sorry.
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“Truth will shine like 1000 suns”
AUCH!
I don’t want to be blinded, nor want I to be burnt!
Seems like you better go to hell, I don’t think Satan will be able to make the heat of a 1000 suns hit you.
I’ll just keep following his Noodlyness, at least He feeds te hungry
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I have just received a pastakinetic message from the Lord our Monster… he challenges your puny god to a cage fight in the PastaDome…
Two gods enter, one god leave…
PS
If yours fails to appear then it is a forfeit on his behalf.
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“When you accept God, you are entered by the Holy Spirit of God Himself.”
I Don’t think I’d want my children to be around this “Holy Spirit” Of this “God” person. Then again, at least he waits for consent.
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Hello my name is simon, and I love to make drawings.
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If you talk to God, you’re religious. If God talks to you, you’re insane.
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“…And His noodly awesomeness has warned me against your false god. He spoke to me through pastakenisis…”
Although I agree with you, I respectfully remind you that the FSM has in it’s list of I’d Really Rather You Didn’t :
7. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You’re Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can’t You Take A Hint?
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