Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ. The LORD says that in the end, many false teachers will rise, darwin, muhammed and even your own bobby. I will not be swayed because i have met God. God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them. When you accept God, you are entered by the Holy Spirit of God Himself. That is why i cannot ever be convinced of your fruitless lies. I have personally seen the great power God commands. I will continue to log onto this site for a long time now. For if even one soul be saved while i am here, well in good deeds, none is greater. The LORD is my shield. I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions. God has granted me great faith and understanding and as long as the earth endures i will fear no evil for God is with me. You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled. For the whole world will HATE you because of me-Jesus to His followers- I beg thee to end this, then you will see and and the Truth will shine like 1000 suns. May the Lord Jesus rule over God’s people forever Amen.
-Christian
Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ
Published by Bobby Henderson November 8th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 330 Comments
330 Responses to “Hello my name is Christian which means servant of the Christ”
The “LORD” and/or “God” do not exist. And you are a gullible little twerp.
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We can only hope that his noodly appendage can reach his delusional soul.
RAmen.
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If god wants everyone in heaven, why doesn’t he show himself? Or, do something cool, like, make all the stars on the sky form into a text “There is a god, and the church that is right is ” . Oh, and which of the tens of thousands branches of Christianity is the right one?
Requiring totally blind faith, and then punishing people for not accepting arguments like “It’s true, cause it’s in the Bible” with eternal damnation is… well… he’d have to be a real asshole.
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You’re beginning to bore me. You give no evidence in support of your claims, yet you continue to insult us and condemn us in defiance of and in direct contrast to the xian doctrines of tolerance and love. If anyone in this exchange is damned, it is you, mister christian.
RAmen
ET
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Hello, my name is David, it means “beloved”, but I don’t ever feel the need to point that out to people. I WAS going to call you stupid and mock you but you cleverly diffused that rebuttal. Regardless of what you believe, I think you have completely missed the point of what the Flying Spaghetti Monster is all about. I’m not about to preach my values onto others, so if you don’t understand the FSM then I hope you feel content in your ignorance of the bigger issue at hand.
-David
AKA Science H Logic
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Astounding, hate mail that is almost grammatically correct!
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Oh yes, I forgot to say, it is highly offensive you think people on this site need saving. Some horrendous atrocities have occurred over time because people think another group need saving just because their way of living isn’t the same.
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may I ask where does the Lord speak of Darwin? All in all this post is a crock, but at least you are civil about it. You didn’t use the “F word” once. you parsed your post well but one would wonder why if you are smart enough to do these things did you miss the entire point of the site?
It seems to me that your goal of converting us back to christianity is nothing but arrogance. It just goes to show that you are part of the problem that we are opposing, to wit: the christian mindset over everything.
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Thank you for that
Agnostic
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“I will not be swayed because i have met God”
No, you think you have met God, you were really hallucinating, the hallucination was brought on by the FSM’s spicy sauce, prove to me your meetings with god weren’t all in your head… can’t can you?
“God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them”
No, you cannot explain them because there is no evidence to suggest the supernatural exists… except for the FSM cause he’s super-natural
“That is why i cannot ever be convinced of your fruitless lies”
I do believe it is your lies which are fruitless, you have proved nothing except your own ignorance and how easily you are swayed by your easily fallible human mind. Yet again i ask you, can you prove that your meeting with god wasn’t just a hallucination and/or a lie? No, you can’t
“but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh”
I exist… which means im already more powerful than your non-existant mind-fairy
You sir have just been pwn3d! But do not thank me, tis all the work of the FSM. Blessed be his noodly appendage, RAmen!
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For a religion that speaks of love and forgiveness your words are really hatefull and you almost sent us burning in the thousands possibles hells that may exisist ( for all we know ….there maybe’s … no hell !!!! ). You know dude , if I am here ( and I may not speak only for myself here) have seen the suposed path of god , heard of him all my life , but as a man of science and not of faith , I only saw the wholes in this religion , the problems , the non-logical answers I was given . Then I decided to look the other religions but there again , I never been convinced and only saw that theese religions weren’t as flawless as they saidthey were .Then I searched over the internet and His Noodly Appendage touched me , I found a way to pass my message to extremists of every religions , not only christians or whatever religion . A message in the form of a wake-up call , a way to show to every one , why they should open their eyes and not stay blinded by a light that may only exist in their heads and the heads of their fellow members.
And as a pastafarian , I will keep you somme volcano beer on ice , near a striper factory and we’ll laught at this .
RAmen
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“You will call me stupid and you will mock me, but unless you become as powerful as Holy Yahweh overnight, and then share a portion of that power with me so that i may never die, i will not be fooled. For the whole world will HATE you because of me-Jesus to His followers- I beg thee to end this”
Great. Then just do it.
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“the Truth will shine like 1000 suns”
Someone’s been playing too much Command & Conquer: Red Alert, I suspect. Nuke The Bastards!
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By logging onto this webpage daily, you use electricity. This is made by fossils fuels…which create heat…which makes people FATTER. Soon, you will be responsible for suicides of those unhappy with their bodies. I truly hope you have looked at your plan, Christian.
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Suit yourself. Pass the pesto, please. Arg.
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Besides, we don’t hate you because of Jesus. Apparently, Christians love to pull that line out of their ass if they are hated for any reason.
No, we hate Christians for different reasons. To be clear, we don’t hate all Christians. When we do hate them, we hate them because of different reasons, like, I don’t know, Inquisitions, hypocrisy, faulty arguments, threats, attacks, theocracy, suppression of rights…
Now I’m wondering, why do they hate us?
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“i have met God”
Really? Why don’t you introduce us? Maybe we could hang out some time. Can he do that water into wine thing? That would be really cool.
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“thee”? Make up your mind Christian. Either you use flowery archaic talk or you don’t, mixtures are an abomination.
Saying Yahweh is forbidden in the Jewish beliefs, follow the rules of the religion you throw in our faces. The proper way to write it is “YHWH”.
I know Christians are a Jewish sect, but you’re supposed to call the man “God”, not Yahweh or Jehova.
Also, if you seem to prefer actions over words that much, stop freaking talking. There’s a word for not listening to words by the way. It’s called being thickheaded.
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There is no way this is actual hate mail; nobody is this stupid.
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Christian,
It is it pretty clear from you post that you are so deeply invested in your religious beliefs because they give you an excuse to think that you are above other people (seriously, did you read what you wrote before you posted it? It sounds like you are claiming to be Jesus or some other kind of immortal) You had better hope that the Christian god does not exist, because it’s my understanding that pride and hate are big no-nos according to the Christian faith. RAmen.
-Sarah
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First of all, contrary to what you may believe, using old English words like thee does not make you sound more intelligent. Secondly, it is spelled Lord; LORD implies it is an acronym.
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Hi Everyone,
Because I was inspired by the site about a 1.5 years ago I wrote a book discussing some of the things talked about on this site. “The Moral Atheist” is basically the presentation of the argument the the title is not an oxymoron. It is now available at barnesandnoble.com and amazon.com
P.S. Also, I’d like to thank Alchemist and everyone else here for his support.
P.P.S. What a week! Obama!
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oops “for his support” should be “for their support”
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I will admit, however, that the typing and linguistic ability of the initial message are above par compared to some of the other criticism entries on the site.
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“I will continue to log onto this site for a long time now.” Oh joy.
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my real name means “house of god” but you don’t see me running around bragging
with that in mind, other than a moldy 2000 year old book, prove to me that your god is any more valid than ours. when you can do that, then i’ll convert
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Oh come on, this one is too easy.
“I will never be convinced by words…”
Better toss out your Bible then.
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Okay, that’s it. Christianity is a fucking cult. That message has made it clear. You are clearly in a cult. You have said that reason will not change your mind nor will any evidence. Then nothing will. You will just go on being wrong forever.
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Hello, Christian which means servant of Christ,
I really do hope you are logging in periodically and come across this.
So you met God, eh? You know, whenever somebody claims they’ve met their deity of their choice, it’s always something like, “Then (insert god here) told me to (cleanse, oppress, wear frilly things) and start a (church, synagogue, mosque) to get everyone else to (cleanse, oppress, wear frilly things)…” Why isn’t it ever, “Well, (insert god) told me that everything was alright, be more tolerant to other people, and I was doing a good job. Then we played Parcheesi for a while.”
“God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals…” What exactly are you implying? You aren’t like us pitiful mortals? Do you plan to smash us with your mighty fists of rage?
Doesn’t this hit the nail on the head- “For the whole world will HATE you because of me-Jesus to His followers…” Why hate me because I don’t believe what you do? Why not hate me because I boinked your mom? I mean, 9/11, the Holocaust, et cetera ad nauseaum, happened because of people like you. Speaking of your mom, instead of cleansing us, start cleansing your mom. This rash really itches.
“I will never be convinced by words because words are not as powerful as actions.” Same here, matey. I would be slightly more inclined to believe you, if you weren’t trying to force your beliefs down everyone else’s throat. Take my advice, please. Do everyone a favor and stop logging in on religious sites* trying to convert people. You are just making yourself a target. Try charity, tolerance, humanism, and all the other good stuff your religion has slowly neglected.
Look, I really don’t have a problem with your beliefs. In fact, I’m glad you are happy with your choice. I happen to be happy with mine. So, I really don’t see why you have a problem with me and my church.
May you be touched by His Noodley Appendage, Christian which means servant of Christ. RAmen.
-squints
*- Except Westboro Baptist Church. Let ‘em have it. Those m******f*****s are fair game.
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“I will never be convinced by words”. If only you had adopted that stance before you read the Bible. I fear it is too late for you my friend.
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Hello, my name is Insightful Ape. Whic means the ape that knows, because we are all African apes, but most of us don’t know it.
So God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they won’t understand…and yet he is going to send me to hell for not understanding? Gee, what a sadist.
Compare that to the FSM. His noodliness doesn’t even care if you believe in Him. He is not jealous because he knows he is the creator. What you think won’t change that. So who is the loftier god?
And what is the story with “entering into god with holy spirit”? Is that a sexual reference?
I will not fall for your lies, for action speak louder than words. Unless you can promise me that I will never die. And don’t try to tell me what your god will do for me after I die. I like beer and strippers a lot better.
I do encourage you to keep us company, it gets boring without hate mail-and maybe one day in the process you will be touched by his noodly appendages and be saved.
Peace and hope, may the FSM bless us all. I can only pray that our Noodly master will save you from yourself and false preachers.
Ramen
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“Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it, religion has actually convinced people that there’s an INVISIBLE MAN…LIVING IN THE SKY…who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever ´til the end of time…but he loves you.”–George Carlin
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I always wonder of those xtians went to school… How in the world can u be so ignorant and foolish. It’s 2008 for FSM sake….
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Christians always say that they don’t understand why we are “threatened by Christianity” and have to resort to things like Pastafarianism. They want to know why we care.
Well, why the fuck do they care? If they’re comfortable in their faith, why does it matter what a group of people having fun think?
Because they have this indoctrinated superiority complex and feel that it is their job to flaunt their faith and save the rest of the world.
May His Noodly Appendage calm their minds and touch their souls.
RAmen.
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Yar, 1000 suns be makin’ for a hot earth. Ye be lookin’ to elimiate all us pirates, are ye, Christian?
Well, Johnny no be one to hold ‘at against ye.
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Hello, My name is Guðmundur which means either Arm of God or Weapon of God, I outrank you.
RAmen
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Little full of ourselves, Christian?
Yet still too blind to know what satire is.
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Wow this was a sad post. Poor kid never had a chance. He was brainwashed at birth.
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Believing that you have met God (or indeed, any other deity) is a sign of schizophrenia. The good news is that Our Beloved Creator has bestowed upon us the intelligence and ability to craft psychological tools like therapy and drugs that will help your condition, Christian.
…Incidentally, Jeffery Dahmer also believed he had met god…
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Dear Christian:
We have received your letter of conversion. Thank you for taking the time to write it.
Unfortunately at this time, we are no longer accepting converters. Though your letter shows some promise, good grammar, and punctuation; we have no more openings for this position.
We encourage you to continue to develop your skills further at Catholic and Mormon sites that are always looking for converters. We will review your letter should we have any openings in the future.
The Church of the Spaghetti Monster encourages all converters to achieve greatness in their field. We are happy to be welcoming all people into His Noodly Embrace. It is just unfortunate that we have no more positions to fill.
Thank you for applying for the position. We hope that you can continue converting in other areas successfully. We wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.
Most Sincerely,
Meisha
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Yaaaawwn! The stupid hurts.
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“God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them.”
You claim, and I’m asuming here, to understand these spiritual things. That would mean you’re not a mortal being. What are you then? And please be brief.
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“I will not be swayed because i have met God”
Could you send him/her over to my house and introduce himself and have PROOF he is who he says he is?
“I will never be convinced by words”
Yeah, me either. Sorry, your letter is NOT going to convince even ONE person on this site. I assure you!
RAmen!
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Christian wrote: “I will not be swayed because i have met God.”
Much like Christian, I have also met God. She told me that she’d been screwing with this Christian guy, telling him he’d never die, saying she shared her power with him, saying her name was “Holy Yahweh” (Yahweh? For Christ’s sake! Really!), that he should fear no evil because she was with him, and such.
God told me I should mock Christian so she could continue the ruse. She told Christian that his being mocked proved her existence.
So there you go, Christian. You’re welcome.
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Christian the chucklehead, hello, just read your manifesto and it’s nice to know who I’m dealing with.
I won’t try to persuade you of my point of view but I do have a question. If the universe is really 14.5 billion years old, and begun with a big bang, and if earth if 4.5 billion years old, and if as our science tells us, life evolved on earth a few hundred million years after earth accreted, and evolved for nearly 4 billion years before humankind made its appearance a mere 100,000 years ago, then how is mankind responsible for the existence of death and suffering in the world? After all, isn’t death and suffering the mechanism which drove life to evolve and create the diversity we see in our biosphere today?
And if death has always been part of the bargain of being alive, and if humans evolved gradually from a group of lower level hominids, rather than being spontaneously created by a supreme being out of the clay of the earth, then what of original sin? Clearly we do not all share the same two original ancestors, so how can we share in the sin? Moreover, since we know that death was part of the bargain for all life since the beginning of life, what of the idea that death is the punishment god inflicted on all creation for the sin of the original two humans? In other words if there could be no original sin because there could be no two original humans who created original death, what is that you savior is saving us from? Death? Last time I looked on the obituary pages, death is still there. Disease still exists, so what is it that Jesus did that was so wonderful? Get nailed to a tree in his underoos to propitiate dad for the evil nature of humankind when it was dear of dad who created that nature? And why no slack on earthly suffering, why didn’t the death of J.C. by humankind a cure from at least on earthly travail, say, Congestive Heart Failure, or Diabetes, or Cancer, or maybe just stupidity? Why no concrete evidence that the deed even happened. Why not do it in the Anderson Cooper era instead of the Josephus of Arimethea era. In short, isn’t your religion just a cure looking for a disease?
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My name is Monsignor Fogey which means My Lord Older person. I’ve met several gods, and was once in a room with three people who had all been Jesus.
It is nice to know you’re going to hang around – most xians post once then go away. I expect His Patafarious Magnificence touches them with his noodly appendages in a very meaningful and personal way and cures them of their delusions. I guess if we don’t hear from you again we can safely assume that He has goosed you too.
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Comparing bobby and darwin isn’t the way to mock this religion lol.
we don’t mock christian’s so why do you mock us all we do is make pictures and biblical writings just like christian’s do. And by law FSMism has the same rights as christianity.
RAmen
Praise the mighty flying spaghetti monster for he is the only one who can cure this wandering soul of its misguided nature.
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Stop logging on this site. We do not want you here if you are not willing to discuss, and if you are going to play the “holier than thou” card. Somebody who asserts that he will never be convinced does not deserve that anybody disscuss with him.
.
Screw yourself, and keep entertaining yourself with delusions. Keep convincing yourself that over 7 billion people, God has chosen you to fulfill his wrath. Keep convincing yourself that the false prophet God was talking about was not Jesus.
.
I’ll eat pastas for you. RAmen.
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Since there is no point in an argument of logic versus faith, I will resort to schoolyard-style bullying.
My faith can beat up your faith.
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It’s funny, I was reading your mail and couldn’t tell if you were trying to convince us or yourself about god. “God warns that you cannot explain spiritual things to mortals because they don’t understand them.” Are you not a mortal yourself or are you dead? Since god said you couldn’t understand it until you were not mortal anymore.
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