Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism

Published October 30th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism,

There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all. Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as a flying spaghetti monster? Seriously, how fucking old are you? I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned. Theres is only one God and one Holy Word. Why dont you people get that? How much sense does it make to say that decreasing numbers of pirates lead to an increase in average global temperature? Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart?

You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public. If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct instead of just saying “Eh, lets make a new religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be a clump of spaghetti. Oh, and it should have eyes and be able to fly. Lets bow down to it and see how many people follow suit!”

Damn you all to hell!! Better yet, somebody should lock you in a fucking psychiatric ward for further examination because they obviously didnt do that enough when you dumb fucks were born. I hope this web page is taken off the web as quickly as it was put up.

–Sincerly,
ANNONYMOUS



613 Responses to “Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism”

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  1. flyingspaghettiapostle says:

    You must have skipped church a few too many times – calling yourself a Christian and then talking to us like this makes you an embarassment to your religion and most likely family. Next time have the balls to print your name.

  2. Techskeptic says:

    This one was too funny to ignore:

    I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned

    So, apparently you don’t in fact know there is such a thing as freedom of speech. Why are you so threatened by His Noodliness? Does it make you wonder if you have the right Word? Is your god such pussy that he can’t take care of himself?

    Theres is only one God and one Holy Word……
    …I would probably beat you senseless

    Hey, I’m looking through that Jesus story and I can’t seem to find the place where Jesus beat poeple up when they didn’t believe he was the son of God. Could you point out where that it, you hypocritical ChristoZombie.

    You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public…
    And yet, chances are very good you have already met us, we are everywhere. Did Jesus tell you to give an ass whooping recently?

    believed in something that sounds correct instead of just saying “Eh, lets make a new religion

    Learn how to close quotes, and FSM DOES sound correct. instead you should be asking what is wrong with you that you don’t see it yourself. How does a Jesus Zombie sound more correct? Why can you accept the idea that a woman had a baby without having sex, the universe was created in 7 days, all the living things in the world lived on a boat for 40 days, etc etc etc, and you can’t accept that God may look like he is made out of spaghetti! Who’s being ridiculous now?

    How much sense does it make to say that decreasing numbers of pirates lead to an increase in average global temperature

    Hey the GodZombies, like you, think its OK to throw anthropomorphic global warming away as a simple correlation, why isnt that graph of GW and pirates just as valid then?

    Damn you all to hell!!
    Sounds like someone is worried we might be right! Get this: You’ve been praying to the wrong god all of your life, now you are doomed!

    as quickly as it was put up.
    Well considering that it has been up for years…….

  3. ET, the Extra Terrestrial says:

    Another brilliant discourse by a deluded and self-contradictory xian. Apparently freedom of speech and expression only extends to speech and expression of approved concepts. Sounds suspiciously like ‘annonymous’ (nice spelling there, by the way) is another Nazi wannabe. Typical xian programme – yell at anyone who doesn’t believe the same as them, and if that doesn’t work, kill them. Shithead. Read your fairytale book and live your life the way it tells you before you start to consider yourself the moral equal of anyone, much less their superior. Your attempts to insult us slide by unfelt, since you obviously have no basis to insult anyone.
    RAmen
    ET

  4. PastaFaZoo says:

    There we go with all the violence again. Such peace loving people the Christians. They don’t even seem to realize that, according to their rules, every time they behave this way, they are going to their hell. But at least now I understand why they have all those ‘get out of hell’ free cards in the confessional etc… overcrowding in hell. This guy thinks we’re going to hell? Buddy, there isn’t enough room, what with all the peaceful, loving, caring, fascist Christians down there.

    There’s only one god? Tell that to the Hindus. But there’s only, what, 700 million of them? Nah, they probably don’t count.

    And I wonder what was said about Christianity at it’s beginning? “Eh, lets make a new religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be a black carpenter. Oh, and he should be able to walk on water and rise from the dead.”

    Great post tho, made me laugh out loud.

    Probably a science teacher from Kansas.

    RAmen, dude.

  5. Dan says:

    Marks for Annonymous (assuming this is his incorrectly spelt real name)

    Spelling 6/10
    Note the spelling of followers, there’s, don’t, until, didn’t, sincerely.

    Grammar 6/10
    Names should be in title case, not uppercase, ‘kind of’ not ‘kinda’, ‘I’ should be capitalised, ‘FSMism’ is known as ‘Pastafarianism’, non use of title case for ‘Flying Spaghetti Monster’. Otherwise good for a hate mailer with reasonable sentence structure.

    Ability to grasp irony 0/10
    Our belief in there being such a thing as a Flying Spaghetti Monster should be easy to grasp. Shows an inability to spot irony as the graph mentioned is meant to be poor evidence

    Sarcasm 2/10
    Good comparison of Bobbie Henderson to a fifth grader, however, lets themself* down by failing to spot the graphs absurdity is the point (see irony)

    Patriotism 0/10
    Even I, a foreigner from Briton, can see there is a complete inability to grasp that the First Amendment that applies to every American, not just those who have parents who are cousins.

    Christian fervour 8/10
    Can grasp the concept of one God, but seems to think there is only one “Holy Word”, not a bible full. Has a good grasp of spreading the word through beating people senseless, however I cannot give marks for this as current Christian doctrine tends towards loving thy neighbour. Strong willingness to believe in things that “sound right” without relying on evidence or listening to other things. Strong belief in using psychiatric treatment to instil religious dogma!

    Likeness to Charlton Heston 9/10
    A good showing with a “Damn you all to hell!!” line, very reminiscent of Planet of the Apes.

    Overview

    Annonymous tries hard but ultimately is let down by an inability to grasp simple concepts. More worryingly is the threat to beat fellow humans senseless and use of foul language. I strongly recommend Annonymous concentrate on creating a career as a talk radio host, faith healer or sets up as a home maker with his spouse/sibling seeing as it is unlikely they can adapt to civilised society; the scope for social acceptance by non-hicks is very low. Must try harder!

  6. JorickHorn says:

    Dear folower of Christianity,

    There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all. Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as an invisible zombie saviour in the sky? Seriously, how old are you? I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be… well, I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression.

    There’s is only one God and one Noodly Word. Why dont you people get that? How much sense does it make to say that Mary gave birth to a genetically distinct child without breaking her hymen? Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart?

    You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public. If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably talk to you untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that makes sound sense instead of just saying “Eh, lets follow an old religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be an invisible 2,000-year-old zombie from the desert. Oh, and it should have wounds and be able to fly. Lets bow down to it and see how many people follow suit!”

    Damn you to the slightly stale beer volcano!! Better yet, somebody should talk to you like they cared about you because they obviously didnt do that enough when you were born. I hope your religion is taken out of your mind as quickly as it was put in. (So it’ll take a while.)

    –Sincerly,
    Jorick

  7. Johninfl says:

    When I read things like this all I can think of is why when so called “christians” are confronted with someone’s views not like their own, they have to threaten violence? I would think that in a “religion” that expresses forgiveness that forgiveness would be a big part of a “christions” responce to a negative view.

  8. Ed says:

    It seems that all these hate mails are following suit, nobody really understands our religion do they? FSM is a mere reflection of religion. To poke fun at the people who believe in things just as if not more farfetched. It’s a taste of your own medicine you dickhead, how does it feel? You can’t disregard my ‘beliefs’ because that would make you a hypocrite. And no we don’t really ‘believe’ in a flying spaghetti monster you fucking moron, we just say we do so we can laugh at the people who take us seriously.

    It’s hilarious for us, because we have been so tolerant of religion and religious people for ever. No the tables have turned, and you must be tolerant of us making a mockery of you.

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