ang on ang on

Published October 26th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

ang on ang on , ang abaat , u fink that theres a big ball of italian food at the pearly gates . do you even realise how offensive this may be to some christians ! , pastafarians r u stupid or wat . get a life ur no worse that them jahovis wittneses or dem ary chrishna ones . u need to get out more u kno. my brain capacity is bigger then urs

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-morgan



264 Responses to “ang on ang on”

  1. Drasher says:

    “do you even realise how offensive this may be to some christians !”
    Nope. In fact, my religious beliefs shouldn’t bother Christians at all.

    I wonder if you realize how offensive you’re being towards OUR religion and, even more so, English grammar.

    By the way, technically, assuming that we had the same amount of brain capacity to start off with, we WOULD have less than you, because we’ve filled our capacity much more than you with things like respect and proper English. I don’t exactly see how that’s a bad thing, I’m afraid. :)

    • ThreeFro of the Spaghetti says:

      That was a most excellent rebuttal!
      I feel the need to state

      +12 Internets

    • God Ate My Cat says:

      <3

  2. el-dub says:

    I’ve never seen a Cockney accent in print before.

  3. Shayne Schecht says:

    Morgan …

    Do you have any idea how idiotic you sound writing that way? If your brain capacity is larger than ours, why can’t you grasp the simple concept of spelling?

    As for your message, it’s called HUMOUR you divvy. If you are taking this seriously, YOU are the idiot. As for being offensive, it is probably because it has struck a nerve, which means it worked as it was intended to work.

  4. Visiting Dudeist says:

    Man, now I just feel bad for being named Morgan.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Don’t fret, Visitor, Morgan is doing a most excellent job of converting people to Pastafarian.
      I have an ant-hill in my garden. Should I instruct the ants to worship me as their god? If they don’t comply, should I burn them all?
      My neighbour’s garden also has an ant-hill and I believe those ants *gasp* worship him as their god. I just can’t decide whether to just burn his infidel ants, or, destroy their god as well? My doctor suggests train-spotting may be a better hobby, but, it just lacks the excitement.

      • The Sauceror says:

        Dear Cap’n, it is deliciously good to remember that Captain Henry Morgan was a pirate’s pirate. He even named a tasty rum after himself. Visiting Dudeist has nothing to be ashamed of. He stands in the shadow of a questionably moral giant.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Except that Visiting Duedist appears to be a pirette and may even be Captain Morgan herself.

        • The Sauceror says:

          Oooops! I’m such a SINNER. The FSM must be very pleased right now— or drunk.

      • Rasputin says:

        Ha ha, Cap’n.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Visiting Dudeist, I don’t know of many gods that accept two-way bets. Obviously, The FSM and Hindus do, but, it’s a bit thin after that.
      As a gambling woman, it may be best to select the gods with the best form, especially those with a 30-day money-back guarantee.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      You should be proud. Henry Morgan was perhaps the greatest pirate of all.

      • Rasputin says:

        Yes, the greatest pirate. A proud name for any Pastafarian… if it’s real.

        • Visiting Dudeist says:

          Oh bother, I never considered what an honour it is to share a name with the jolliest of rogers, Captain Morgan. Dankeschon for restoring my pride in my name!

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Visiting Dudeist, I have no doubt that your ancestor was beatified Saint Morgan, the jolliest of all rogerers.

  5. EXCELSIOR says:

    Captain Birdseye,
    Before you burn up those ants, you should send your son (with a virgin ant mother) to die for them, and only burn up those ants that refuse to worship him! All the other ants you should welcome into your house to live and eat with you for eternity!

    • The Sauceror says:

      So that’s what all those ants are doing in my house then— they’re worshiping me. Well then, I’m so glad I got them some special food. I hope those worshiping ants aren’t selfish and decide to eat it all themselves. I want them to share the special food with their Queen. I really don’t care how they transubstantiate it, as long as they do. Let’s pray that this doesn’t last for an eternity, because it already feels like several eternities since they first moved in.

      Come to think of it, I haven’t seen any ants in my house for a few days now. Could this be proof of the power of prayer?

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        The Sauceror, when I have unwelcome worshipers, I provide a Last Supper of condensed milk/10% borax. Works a treat.

  6. Captain Birdseye says:

    EXCELSIOR, they’re too smart to fall for that one. I think I’ll just ‘promise’ they can live in my house for eternity, sit back and enjoy their pitiful worship. Ahhh…

  7. Rasputin says:

    I’ve just read a brilliant comment on a YouTube video: After the Flood when Noah’s Ark grounded out, how did the kangaroos get back to Australia?

    • Keith says:

      Pokemon transfer system.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Those creatures that had pouches, that could be inflated with air, are the only animals able to swim long distances. Also, Creation Science reveals that Continental Drift was about a thousand miles per week back then.

      • The Sauceror says:

        Doesn’t Qantas Airlines offer some pretty decent rainy-day package deals?

        • Saint Gnocchi says:

          Dear “Guys,” I TOLD you I’m not very learned, BUT EVEN I had figured the air-filled pouches which helped the kangeroos get to Oz!

          Probably how it worked was that their baby-haven pouches hastily evolved zippers. Mom tucked baby in, blew air into the pouches, zipped kiddo up, then, in shifts of floating and paddling, made her way accross to Oz.

          I’m busy agitating my two brain cells, asking them to tell me why, when once the kangeroos had reached Down Under, they de-evolutionised and ditched their pouch zippers. Keith?

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          St. Gnocchi, rest your brain cells; if you buy a kangaroo leather handbag, you will notice they simply left the existing zipper in place. Also, kangaroo is the only waterproof, ocean-going, leather.

        • Keith says:

          I understand that elephant gonads also make great purses and flotation devices.

  8. Rasputin says:

    I’ve had a reply from a “Noah’s Ark” video on “YouTube” where I posted comments about kangaroos. A f**kwit Christian told me that Gob isn’t subject to the rules of nature. If Gob wants to get kangaroos back to Oz, he’ll find a way.
    I love the ideas about zipper pouches and rainy-day deals.
    My favourite is high-speed continental drift. Ha!
    It’a a shame that this all-powerful Gob can’t use his magic powers to eradicate multiple sclerosis or bone cancer in children. Surely there were more than enough painful, crippling diseases already.
    Instead Gob says, “My super powers allow me to magically carry kangaroos back to Oz after the flood, but I’m still going to invent a few more agonising slow ways for humans to die to make humans love me”.

    • Keith says:

      It’s the “Job” effect. Even now the Abrahamic god is laying down bets with other supernatural funsters to see how many long suffering people will die with a “praise the Lord”on their lips.

    • RasEXCELSIOR says:

      Rasputin,
      The question isn’t how did the kangaroos swim back to Australia. The question is: How did these two kangaroos in Australia know that there were berths waiting for them on the Ark? Did God hand-pick these two kangaroos like he did the Noah clan? How about the 2 Penguins from Antarctica? 2 Black men from Africa? 2 yellow men from Asia? 2 white men from Europe? 2 Indians from America? Does the Bible classifiy all these ethnic groups as “animals”?

      • Saint Gnocchi says:

        Dear Keith, Here in Africa we use them for beach balls…

        • Saint Gnocchi says:

          Oh Goody Captain Birdseye! Thanks. Wow! THAT bag would work! I’d be the first person to do a solo crossing of an ocean in a ladies’ handbag. (I tried to go visit Keith last week and rowed to Oz in my colander but it didn’t work out so well.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          St. Gnocchi, unfortunately, you would not be the first. There is overwhelming evidence that Aborigines navigated to Australia in women’s handbags. For instance, boomerangs used to be straight but, had to be bent to fit in, making them impossible to throw away.

        • Keith says:

          Dear Cptn.
          That is a phallusy. The reason they were bent isthis: customs officials would not have allowed them in if they were straight because they would have viewed them as pornographic material. Instead, they unwittingly allowed offensive weapons to enter Australian shores.
          At least, that’s what they are teaching kids these days.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          That sounds like an exceedingly dangerous sport, unless the elephants are no longer attached.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        EXCELSIOR, You may be forgetting the structural racism wherby all non-white races are decendants of the cursed Ham. I believe that Ken Ham was on Noah’s Ark, but, no woman was prepared to join him.

        • Rasputin says:

          Line from “Airplane!”: “Give me ham on five, hold the Mayo”.

      • Rasputin says:

        Ha ha! Yes, how did Noah find the kangaroos in the first place?
        The kangaroos would need to have swum all the way from Australia, around India, through the Persian Gulf and then traveled overland to Israel.
        Perhaps two swallows held them suspended by a piece of vine, under their dorsal feathers.
        Mediterranean or European swallows? What do you think?
        (In case you don’t know, that’s a Monty Python reference.)

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Rasputin, continents were much, much smaller in Noah’s time and they comprised the Middle East. Noah simply needed a whistle. Subsequent, God-speed Drift placed them as we now know. Don’t forget, penguins are fish, ostriches are mammals and bats are birds. Bronze Age observation, uninfluenced by religious dogma, was remarkably accurate. The alternative, that the Flood is fiction, is unthinkable.

      • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        And how did the kangaroos know that Australia would be the right place for them? Funny how the creationists tell you evolution is impossible, but sub species could explode from a pair of ancestors in a span of less than a thousand years.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          tFtPtM, perhaps kangaroos have a ‘homing’ capacity. Considering kangaroos in motion spend more time in the air than touching the ground, Creationists may consider them birds. Regarding evolution and the abomination of Baraminology, every species, except Creationists, is a transitional species.

        • Rasputin says:

          Perhaps it was easier in Noah’s time when the world was flat. In those days, kangaroos didn’t have to swim uphill to reach Israel.

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