Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism,
There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all. Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as a flying spaghetti monster? Seriously, how fucking old are you? I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned. Theres is only one God and one Holy Word. Why dont you people get that? How much sense does it make to say that decreasing numbers of pirates lead to an increase in average global temperature? Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart?
You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public. If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct instead of just saying “Eh, lets make a new religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be a clump of spaghetti. Oh, and it should have eyes and be able to fly. Lets bow down to it and see how many people follow suit!”
Damn you all to hell!! Better yet, somebody should lock you in a fucking psychiatric ward for further examination because they obviously didnt do that enough when you dumb fucks were born. I hope this web page is taken off the web as quickly as it was put up.
–Sincerly,
ANNONYMOUS
Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism
Published by Bobby Henderson October 30th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 565 Comments
565 Responses to “Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism”
“Damn you all to hell!!”
You should acknowledge your quotations – ‘Planet of the Apes’ (1968).
Which makes me wonder – did FSM make that planet as well, or is that blaspheming the Lawgiver?
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Yes, you would have to beat us senseless to get us to believe in your god. Brain damage and christianity? Hmmm. Good correlation there!
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I am a dumbass, and you believe in Freedom of Speech but this should be banned.
Ummmm… One of us is a dumbass. And it isn’t me.
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Wow, another kind, loving, and charitable christian…. Do you have any more proof of your religion than FSM followers have of theirs? You fanatics are the real problem, killing anyone who doesn’t agree with your tryannical religion. Do you talk like that to your zombie/god in church? Do these people really not get the point of satire? I get so many laughs from the hate-mail, but I am also sad that people are so ignorant. This guy is probably some fat red-neck that thinks Middle Eastern people hate the west because we dress differently. My money is on his sister telling him that while he was humping her to make more super smart trailer trash.
RAmen Mateys
kris
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…you spelled “anonymous” wrong.
…fail.
:]
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Dear Ann:
It was the midgit that made you a hostile. I understand. It must be very hard to accept Our Noodly Lord made a midgit along with a mountain and a tree. It must also be equally annoying that His Noodliness is amazingly more tasty than your god.
I don’t understand that while you call yourself a Christian, you exhibit such violent behavior. I was under the impression that if something insults you or hurts you, turn the other cheek is a vital Jesus-dispensed dogma. Oh yes, so much dogma spat from this man I’m surprised his head didn’t flip backward and a pez appeared through his neck with some other words of wisdom on it. The words of wisdom like the two most important commandments were to love your neighbor as yourself and love the lord your god. You aren’t doing this. Epic fail. Did you forget or did you miss bible school that day?
We dread meeting you in public too. You’re probably the type of Christian who hands out tracts and knocks on people’s doors, peddling your religion like it’s snake oil out of a carpet bag. Oh wait. It is. Never mind.
I hope that you soon come to the realization that Our Noodly Lord loves you even if you hate him.
Sincerely,
Meisha
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So you don’t like the way our God looks. At least we know how our God looks.You can’t say the same since the first picture of your God was done a few hundred years after anyone saw him/her/it.
Nice to see you’re living up to the typical xian rule of violence. You must really love the brutal history what with all the torture and killing.
That seems to be right up your alley. Who needs compassion when we can hurt people in the name of our God. I guess the 10 commandments really aren’t carved in stone.
I’ve also seen lots of weird things in my life. One of them is the number of people who believe fairy tales that contradict science when it is staring them in the face. Never did get that. Another thing is the number of people who say they follow a peaceful religion but will commit horrible violence if you disagree with them. Never got that either.
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First of all, if you’re going to call someone a dumbass, try using spell check and recognize that dumbass is one word and followers has two l’s.
As for the content…so what if we do believe it? The foundations of Pastafarianism have just as much scientific foundation as those of most other religions. Furthermore, some people call themselves Pastafarians because they support the message. The vision was sent to the Prophet, Mr. Henderson, in order to stop idiots like you from allowing creationism to be taught in schools alongside evolution. You want to criticize us for standing behind one of the institutions that most creatively brings our feelings on the issue of the evolution/creationism controversy? Pointing out scientific fact didn’t work for creationists to keep them from whining, so we started pointing out how flawed their version of “science” truly is. I’m sorry if you’re one of approximately 50% of Americans that still cannot except evolution as a probable cause of our origin. I don’t know if it’s because you just aren’t willing to listen to the proof, or if you’re part of the group that isn’t educated well enough to understand it. My assumption, based on the heading of your letter, and, more importantly, on your obviously flawed view of your own personal religion, which hasn’t actively condemned other people for their beliefs in many years, is that you are the latter of the two.
Next time, look at the whole picture, not just a small portion, find some way to actually back up the things you say, and, for Noodle’s sake, please check your spelling and grammar.
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man fuck all yall dumbass bitches, yall gunna pay for yalls shit one day, and when ur sent to hell i hope satan fuckin rapes yalls ass’ like yalls parents prolly did. thats y yall r so fuckin retarded. yall r all the product of a brother and sister fucking!!!!!!!!!
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I’m calling again for the no-hate-mail feed. It’s just that after the first thirty or so, all of them sound so alike… it’s boring.
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This letter is adorable… an example of a guy who would rather threaten and spout, um, garbage than actually state any logical proofs or counter-arguments to the religion. Notice that most sentences are formed out of a variety of “How do you believe in…”! Yeah, and your frantic spelling hints at psychosis… get some rest, man, you’re worrying me. I don’t believe in this religion, either, but I consider it perfectly legitimate and respect the validity of His Noodliness.
Um, RAmen,
Jameson
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*Sigh* It’s a sad commentary on our times that this sort of mindless, undirected anger is actually pretty common, these days.
I did like the way he spelled ‘ANNONYMOUS’, though.
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“I would probably beat you senseless untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct”
Yeah, someone WOULD have to beat us senseless before we would believe that a virgin gave birth, that the Earth is a little over 6,000 years old, that humans and dinosaurs co-existed, that the richest city per capita in the world (The Vatican) gives a crap about the poor, or that someone like yourself could have been even vaguely modeled on an omniscient being.
If your God loved you, he would flog you with the Oxford English Dictionary (and not the concise version, either), a stack of grammar handbooks, and the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Really, you christians are just jealous. Deep down, beyond your extremely convincing mental institution escapee personas, you know that our God has bigger and meatier balls than yours. RAmen.
-Sincerly,
Teh Bree Brano
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well, at least retarded was spelled correctly
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I find it allways funny how everyone refers to his God as the one and only.
So many religions so many one and only’s
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I have been reading this site for the first time over the last day and I must say this letter is the icing on the cake. Even if some one is mocking what you believe in, at least take the time to respond intelligently…other wise his great noodly appendage will reach out and remove your spell check….
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“followers” is a hard word to spell. Keep trying.
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I haven’t been to this site for awhile but can see that hypocrisy still lives and breaths and spouts mindless hatred. Will the xtians ever see how absolutely uneducated and silly they sound?
Doesn’t it make you want to rush out and convert to the warm and fuzzy religion whose followers believe that they are justified in “beating you senseless for your stupid childish ideas”?
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Who is this chris person? Who is he telling to shut up? Who does he think are dumb motherfuckers? Why can’t he spell? What is a *yalls*? I get the feeling that somewhere a trailer park is lonely for its favorite long-term unemployed resident.
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“If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct” Is that from one of the Gospels? Could you note which verse? Was that something Paul said to the Romans? My memories foggy on the teachings of your God.
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All I can say is thank the FSM for the framers of the Constitution or we’d all be at the mercy of goons like this.
To ANNONYMOUS (sic) – thanks for taking time off to review the site and send us your little letter, but you should probably go back to jerking off over your pictures of Palin. You won’t have much more time after she begins to fade into obscurity on November 5th.
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ANNONYMOUS,
I really enjoyed reading your hate mail. There just isn’t enough hate in this world and I would like to personally thank you for providing all of the readers of this forum with a little bit more. I also would like to thank you for providing it in the name of the Cristian religion. There just hasn’t been enough hate provided to the world by them and I applaud your efforts to bring them up to a standard. I personally would enjoy being beaten senseless by you (in public no less) so that you can spread the word of tolerance and forgiveness that your religion preaches to all those who would stand to witness it. While I understand that you would dread having to do that, I really think that it is an important thing for you to do so that everyone will be able to see the truth of your religion. I would like to finish with a heartfelt apology to you. I know that I probably spelled far too many words correctly in this letter for you to be able to properly understand what I mean, so I can only hope that you can get someone who has completed the eighth grade to read this for you.
Yours in hate,
ralphie
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“And no we don’t really ‘believe’ in a flying spaghetti monster you fucking moron, we just say we do so we can laugh at the people who take us seriously.”
Ed, I don’t know who you mean by “we” but count me out! I have been caressed by His/She/Its Noodles and I know He’s for real.
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Dear Annon,
You talk to us as you are the all mighty hand, you are judging those who believe in something else, and if i am incorrect christianity teaches that you shall not judge but you still do so by that you are doing thats in direct violation of what “your” god wants you to do. Xian’s believe them selves to always be right, and there is nothing else out there but what they believe and try to sell to everyone else, but christianity wasn’t the first religion born to man, so do you really think your religion is the true and its the only path that we should try and live our lives by??? what about Judaisum, Islam, Buddium, FSM etc, are we all incorrect in leading these different paths????
You need to step back and realize that its not the only belief and i think Thomas Jefferson said it best when he stated “Ignorance is preferable to error, and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing than he who believes what is wrong”
So take care Annon and remember that FSM does care for you regardless if you care for him or not.
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Wow. Just, wow.
“I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned. ”
If you’ve ever read the Declaration of Independence of the United States of America you would know that GOD gives us the inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. If this makes us happy, we’re allowed, ACCORDING TO GOD, to do so.
You’re just the kind of person who would make a constitutional amendment to take away people’s rights.
See: Prop 8 (California)
and that, disgusts me.
RAmen,
Chantal
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Do these people ever get past the front page of the website?
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Obvious troll is incredibly obvious.
I mean really anon? Actually sending your letters with the NAME anon, even if it is mipselled?
Come on guys. Let me give you more credit than that.
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I was completely for insulting this guy, but now I have to say something to all of the FSMites. Don’t have some idiotic assumption that anyone who use “yalls” (even if it’s spelled wrong) has to be stupid. Furthermore, I was going to sign up, but not if someone has to bring in politics. As much as FSM is, I’m now deciding not to sign up. I hate it when people assume all Southerners are morons. And I hate anyone who uses any political party as a litmus test of intelligence.
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Despite this is a gratuitous attack on our personal freedoms, and a demand to control our lives at your will, I had a bit of hope while reading your comment : how do we belive that? I return the question, and the FSM blow me up if you can provide a good answer in the reasonable delay of your entire life.
FSM still bless you. And peace, as Jesus said, brother.
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What I find amusing is that he doesn’t have the balls to give any contact info.
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I’d rather spend eternity in Hell with all the non believers than 2 minutes in heaven with the likes of Anno and Chris.
That is, it won’t happen since I’ll be enjoying my ever-fresh beer and hot strippers while they’ll be gurgling stale beer and catching ugly diseases…
All Hail His Noodlyness!
RAmen
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Yeah people! Wise up and start believing in something that makes sense, like a 2,000 year old zombie that walked on water and cursed a fig tree to death!
Honestly…it’s just so logical!
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How DARE we not believe in some dude who married old women/little girls and who claimed to have the final revelation of God?
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ANNONYMOUS does not yet understand the concept of irony.
:)
-R
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wow…i guess people dont realize that any arguments disproving our spaghediety also disprove their own.
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What a kind and loving message of the lord. I feel like converting. Great way to reach out to us heathens
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Geez, annonymous? What’s yer problem little fella?
Only one god and one holy word, huh? Sez’ you? Are you his new mouthpiece or something? So Judaism, Islam, Taoism, Buddhism, and all other Xisms have it wrong. Its people like yourself; intolerant, ignorant, self righteous pricks like you, who make the world unpleasant.
Its strange that your own words condemn your religion:
“Let’s bow down to it and see how many people will follow suit!”.
“All too easy…” Darth Vader.
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one god?
are you sure?
what about yahweh, allah, vishnu?
what about odin, ra, zeus?
do these names have any meaning to you?
how can all these people be wrong yet be so convinced they are praying to their one true god?
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Yarr me matey,
I simply love how this Mr. Anno insults us… he truly is an example of Christianity, If we were created in the christian god’s image, this immature, self-righteous, discriminatory, prick is the perfect image.
[Quote="I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned. Theres is only one God and one Holy Word. Why dont you people get that"[Unquote]
You sir are an imbecile. “Why don’t we get that?” Well for me anyways i used to be a very evangelistic christian… then i started seeing the shit going on around me. I could just as easily say “Why don’t you get that fanatic religious…ness is bad” or “Why can’t you see that tomatoes taste good”
You assume everyone has the same experience and life knowledge as you and should have the same thought processing as you. You however are in that case deluded.
[Quote]How much sense does it make to say that decreasing numbers of pirates lead to an increase in average global temperature? Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart?[Unquote]
If you actually were smart enough to know anything about or pay attention to what you criticize, you would realize that Bobby Henderson is about 25 (not sure if that’s now or when he wrote the letter I apologize for my ignorance].
[Quote]Damn you all to hell!! Better yet, somebody should lock you in a fucking psychiatric ward for further examination because they obviously didnt do that enough when you dumb fucks were born. I hope this web page is taken off the web as quickly as it was put up.[Unquote]
Not only do you break your own Commandments but you also break your own religion and any evidence that you actually have a reasonable debate.
You condemn us to hell, i will now quote your messiah “He who is without sin throw the first stone”
And what is the second part supposed to mean? First off there are plenty of pieces in your religion which are just as bizarre, so bizarre beliefs are not merit for being put in a psych ward. Talking burning bush anybody? Not trying to insult your religion, but like Pastafareanism, Christianity has some pretty bizarre beliefs. If you choose to believe in them that does not make you psychopathic.
Next
[Quote]because they obviously didnt do that enough when you dumb fucks were born.[Unquote]
I’m not sure what you are trying to say… we were not put in psych wards enough when we were newborns?
[Quote]I hope this web page is taken off the web as quickly as it was put up.[Unquote]
One it was put up over a year or two ago.
Two you completely contradict yourself
[Quote]I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression[Unquote]
If you know this… then you should know it isn’t ethically nor legally possible for this site to be abolished…
Your friend,
THE NIGETRON
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“Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as a flying spaghetti monster? Seriously, how fucking old are you?”
Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as God? XD
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you mock the LORD! what a fool you are, God is All Powerful, your faithless slander will only lead you to end of all the enemies of the One True God. Who among the gods is like you o LORD, Who has worked such great wonders among His people, zeus, jupiter, baal, amen ra, odin, all have fallen, they are not worshiped anymore, The LORD God has vanquished every attack on the faithful and you think that this, a mere collection of rubbish reaped from your contempt of Christ, Will prevail. God is the vanquisher of the false gods, He has lain low the gods of all peoples, wherefore should this fsm succeed! Christ rule over Gods people forever AMEN!!!
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Pastafarians,
Countering “Annonymous’s” post with reamarks about how bad his/her spelling and grammar is and then automatically asuming “Annonymous” is a christian (which he/she most likely is anyway), doesn’t make you much different to to all the angry christians that post silly agressive hate-mail. Think about it before you reply to their hate-mail. Remember that you are better than them.
“ANNONYMOUS”,
You’re a stupid moronic christian who couldn’t spell if you’re life depended on it.
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@ Annonymous. Original name. Did you make that up? Just like your religion based on old unproven stories and superstitions? Nice to see you’re keeping up with the tradition of turn the other cheek and be a completely violent asshole. So tell me. How will you be spending the day after the rapture? You know? You certainly won’t make it into your heaven with an attitude like that.
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I have good reason to believe Anonymous is a confused cross dresser.
Poor soul.
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Yar, t’loss of Johnny’s new irony meter indicates t’is be fake.
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It’s like a game where even if we win, they win.
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Dear dumb ass folowers of Christianity,
There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all. Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as a 2,000 year old zombie god? Seriously, how fucking old are you? I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned. Theres is only one God and he is the FSM. Why dont you people get that? How much sense does it make to say that decreasing numbers of believers lead to an increase in average global temperature? Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart?
You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public. If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct instead of just saying “Eh, lets make a new religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be a old bearded dude. Oh, and it should have eyes and be able to smite people. Lets bow down to it and see how many people follow suit!”
Damn you all to hell!! Better yet, somebody should lock you in a fucking psychiatric ward for further examination because they obviously didnt do that enough when you dumb fucks were born. I hope this web page is taken off the web as quickly as it was put up.
–Sincerly,
Bobert
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@Christian
Wow, old testament much, your god mocks itself, ever actually read the bible and seen the backward shit in it. if your god does exist then i refuse to serve such a backstabbing, asshole
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O + W
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@Christian
To believe everything in the bible makes you a sheep, follow that path if you may, chances are its not going to take you to a magical place as it promises. You think that Lord God is athe end all but there are still many other religions out there that have been going on longer than yours, so honestly how do you know you are right??? just because your bible said so (who was writen by man mind you) and because your priests and preachers say it is so (again a sheep baaaaaaah). Open your mind to new things, you will relize that no one has it right, fsm is just introducing new concepts into our minds instead of old ones from a completely norrowminded time frame that the bible had come out of.
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