Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism,
There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all. Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as a flying spaghetti monster? Seriously, how fucking old are you? I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned. Theres is only one God and one Holy Word. Why dont you people get that? How much sense does it make to say that decreasing numbers of pirates lead to an increase in average global temperature? Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart?
You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public. If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct instead of just saying “Eh, lets make a new religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be a clump of spaghetti. Oh, and it should have eyes and be able to fly. Lets bow down to it and see how many people follow suit!”
Damn you all to hell!! Better yet, somebody should lock you in a fucking psychiatric ward for further examination because they obviously didnt do that enough when you dumb fucks were born. I hope this web page is taken off the web as quickly as it was put up.
–Sincerly,
ANNONYMOUS
Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism
Published by Bobby Henderson October 30th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 565 Comments
565 Responses to “Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism”
@ #468 Andrew, and @ #475 Johnny
Just you wait ’till you get touched by his oodly noodliness, and blanketed by his deliciously creamy al fungi sauce!
RAmen
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Can I have a turn? Oh, Boy!
“Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism,”
Attaboy. Dale Carnegie sure didn’t know how to win people over, that wimp!
There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all.
You DO need to get out more. Or take off the tin hat.
Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as a flying spaghetti monster?
No. Do you really believe that an omnipotent being caused a great Flood and screwed up? And that you want this screwup to notice you?
Seriously, how fucking old are you? 53.
I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned.
So the key thing is that if you were in charge, there WOULDN”T be such a thing. Let me know how that works for you.
Theres is only one God and one Holy Word.
Umm, no. A quick look at http://adherents.com will show you otherwise. What you meant to say – and somehow didn’t – is that only one of the thousands of confident religions makes you warm and cozy, secure in the idea that you don’t stink.
Why dont you people get that?
Because it’s clearly not true.
How much sense does it make to say that decreasing numbers of pirates lead to an increase in average global temperature?
None, and that is to the point.
Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart? Neither.
You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public.
Actually, you do meet my kind of person on a daily basis. We remain quiet so you don’t notice and fly into a murderous rage that something else dares to happen over the noise of your own lips flapping. When I speak, I talk slow, so you’ll understand.
If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct instead of just saying “Eh, lets make a new religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be a clump of spaghetti.
So, violence is your first resort. Oh, well done, Follower of The Prince of Peace. You believe in “something that sounds correct”. Really? Have you ever even read the Bible?
Damn you all to hell!!
Where is that, exactly? It appears to be something you made up. Please point to it.
Better yet, somebody should lock you in a fucking psychiatric ward for further examination because they obviously didnt do that enough when you dumb fucks were born.
This must be more of that “free speech”. I hoped to see something original. Isn’t amazing when people bringing up prison or a psychiatric ward imagine themselves on the OUTside!
I hope this web page is taken off the web as quickly as it was put up.
You’re too late. I suggest also that your ire is misplaced. If you were to actually look at the Kitzmiller case, you will find that professing Christians lied on the stand. Were I a professing Christian, I would be upset that people who behave that way could soil my good name by association. Instead, you get mad and abusive, identifying yourself as yet another simpleton incapable of behaving in a civilized manner.
So many Christians imagine God on their side as they pummel someone unconscious. They are so eager to feel good that they never notice that the someone is better converted to a friend than put in the hospital.
–Sincerly, ANNONYMOUS
Learn to spell. Some day, you might want to do more than what others tell you at the drive-thru.
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omg wat fuckheads!!!!
get a life!!
and go see a fucken doctor
you guys r sick in da head cause ur so stupid to be sucked in to such a fkn stupid scam dat jst wants ur money! n da pple who created dis bullshit r probs gna come out defending dem selfs saying dat im da enemy n u guys r jst gna believe dem.
fucken losers…if u got a dick fkn use it cause u obviously r ugly fuckheads dat can not get any pussy.
seriosuly sad!!
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Dear dumb ass folowers of Xianity,
There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all. Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing a guy who has existed for all time and created every fucking thing in the universe in 7 days? Seriously, how fucking old are you? I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned. There’s is only one Flying Spaghetti Monster and one Holy Noodle. Why dont you people get that? How much sense does it make to say that killing people in the name of your lord will get you into heaven? Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart?
You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public. If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct instead of just saying “Eh, lets make a new religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be a some white dude with a beard. Oh, and it should have lived in the time of dinosaurs. Lets bow down to it and see how many people follow suit!”
Damn you all to hell!! Better yet, somebody should lock you in a fucking psychiatric ward for further examination because they obviously didnt do that enough when you dumb fucks were born. I hope this web page is taken off the web as quickly as it was put up.
–Sincerly,
ANNONYMOUS
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504, bravo :)
exactly what i was thinking.
for those of you who ridicule the idea of a flying spaghetti god i think your just missing the point. This guy is a genius, hes created an idea based on faith (and don’t we have plenty) that is so utterly ridiculous (yet no less possible) that it causes other religions to take a look at their own beliefs and question that. Two things to all the hate-mailer Christians, One; just because so many people believe one thing, doesn’t make it any more true, Two; no one is offending or mocking your own God, you’re just afraid of questioning it. Seriously how can questions leading to more knowledge hurt?
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“you guys r sick in da head cause ur so stupid to be sucked in to such a fkn stupid scam dat jst wants ur money!”
i agree, but I believe you followed the wrong link.Scientology is over Here: http://www.scientology.org/
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@ #503 -
Do you know any English?
RAmen
ET
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Dear annoy…annonymous
A normal person would believe something which sounds correct?
Are you normal?
Genesis.
Are we to believe the earth existed before the sun or the stars? Sure, science doesn’t think so but of course those people wouldn’t know anything right?
The day, and the night preceded the sun? sure umm okay – that makes alot of sense, i admitt.
The sky was a dome to divide water and keep it in two seperate places. Those damned scientists again! They think water evaporates from the oceans and rivers, building up as moisture in the atmosphere that condenses into clouds and falls as precipitation. Fools – what rubbish!
Then all the continents rose out of the ocean – continental drift Phaa!
Then he creates the stars (gee at least a few thousand of them right!)so we would know when it was night time (which im guessing they mean that the stars aren’t there during the day) well duh! Its daytime right now and I sure can’t see them. These stars are for convenience, so that we may measure the years and, of course, know when it is time to celebrate religious festivals. Yay!
The idea that each of them is a sun, some big enough to make our sun look like a dust mote is compete rubbish.
Those 350 odd exo-planets – nup, just a bunch of hot gas.
The other planets in our solar-system – of course not, any fool can see (don’t even need a telescope!!!) that they look the same as the stars they just move about a little is all.
Same with the estimate that there are billions of trillions of stars in the visible universe – congregated into a hundred billion galaxies. Silly right? I mean how can we see them if 99.999999999999999999999 of the visible universe is further than six thousand light years from the earth? What normal person would believe this sort of thing?
If the universe were that vast or complex then it couldn’t all be just for our convenience could it? Thats why normal people believe the stars are simply ‘lights in the sky’ See, exceedingly simple and therefor, obvious.
Theres more, so very much more, thats only a small part of genesis. You know, if i wasn’t normal, id wonder if it was written by a man whom knew nothing about the world around him. A primitive best guess.
But luckily im normal.
I believe in the one true god – The Flying Spagetti Monster. Remember, he is waiting to wrap you up in his noodly goodness when you are ready to come in from the cold.
RAmen
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To answer your questions Annonymous one
1. Yes I do believe in the FSM
2. I’m 15
3. Becuase if there is only one god and one holy world, why is there the FSM and the Gospel of the FSM?
4. More sense than “It is god’s will”, we have a diagram…
5. No it’s based on fact, again, the diagram…
In response to your paragraph;
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK CHRISTIANITY WAS DREAMT UP? Now that I’ve got that out of my system I can tell you that The “inventor” of Christianity was even lazier that that. He found a bunch of Egyptian/Indian/Persian Gods, combined them and gave the end product a Mexican name. Not even an original idea! Stupid plagiarism.
RAmen
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wait so your god is a being made of bread and wine,our god is made of pasta.
yea your SOO much better than us
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@ FSM>God. Not bad, not bad at all. I’m very impressed. You’re only 15? Very cool. The only part I didn’t get was the Mexican name bit, but if you’re being sarcastic that even made it better. Right on!
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#503
Poor, poor “…”!
Never mind dear, there is at least one member on the Lovecraftian school board is fighting to see your special needs catered for.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/lovecraftian_school_board_member?utm_source=a-section
ps Frothing spittle all over a PC keyboard is NOT a good idea.
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Ok dude seriously come on. I am also christian and believe in god and go to church EVERY sunday. Just because some people wanna have a little fun and make fun of us cuz really religious people ARE complete A-holes. (Im not gonna deny it) It doesn’t mean you have to take it up the butt and be a total dickface. I think what religion is supposed to be is a great thing but because of people like you that shove religion down your throat you make others hate us and you make everything shitty. I Know that god has a sense of humor and if he saw this website I am sure that he would be extremely amused. To Mr. anonymous person GO FUCK YOURSELF and pull that sword out of your ass and to all you pastafarians YOU ARE FUCKIN AWESOME and even though you dont believe in god and I know your all gonna hate me cuz I say this. He loves you.
RAmen :)
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he spelt anon wrong
dumbass
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@ – Wench Nikkiee #512,
Obviously, there is much truth in any emission from The Onion. I am assuming that the Lovecraftian School Board is named for the author H P Lovecraft who has written many superlative horror stories, and I would strongly recommend them to any Pastafarian who likes the genra. I’ll add here some links to some interesting reading that I’ve found:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/csm/20090310/cm_csm/yspencer
This is an opinion piece from the Christian Science Moniter. Next is the Blog from which it was taken:
http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/imonk-101-why-do-they-hate-us#more-2915
Next is a Scientific American Article on the economics of classic piracy:
http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=pirates-rational-choice&SID=mail&sc=emailfriend
My favorite, and one that I’ve pushed before is a study of the hate mailers on this site:
http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~altemey/
RAmen
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“There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all. Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as a flying spaghetti monster? Seriously, how fucking old are you? I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned. Theres is only one God and one Holy Word.”
Do you really believe that there is only one God and one Holy Word? Seriously, how fu**ing old are you?
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@513
Am I high or did a christian just sound understanding and accepting? Praise the FSM! There is at least one christian who isn’t a complete fucktard! I am geniunely impressed.
RAmen
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LMAO
Big words for someone who has to stay anonymous.
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Um, I believe The flying spaghetti monster is making fun of Christianity. because who would believe something so ridiculous *cough* like Christans *cough*
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Spooky. Did his/her/its God make him/her/it that way? Give my our Spaghetti Deity any day.
Praise be His Holy Noodleness.
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When ye can disprove your own god, I shall believe that ye can disprove mine, Yaargh!
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“There’s only one God and one Holly world”.
Would you dare saying that to a muslim?To a jewish?
It’s not because FSMism is more recent that it’s not The Truth.
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THis just fucking pisses me off in so many ways. Do u relize that FSM is our one god. By the way i just converted to pastafarianism. BUt that christianity is praticaly the same thing. I pray that FSM smites u with his noodely appendage!
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now that’s no way to be a christian, silly.
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“If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless”
How very christian. Glad to see the good message preached by a high caliber of pious person.
I hope you realise the beautiful irony of burning in your own hell! Hate monger.
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Can’t spell Followers or Anonymous and calling us idiots. Obviously he fails to realize that almost all religions call for faith. Whether we hold cows, a all-powerful entity sacred is one and the same. Why does “God” have to appear in our minds as a human mode. Point is it comes down to faith that their is a higher power. It could be a horrible, unsightly beast, a beautiful aura or nothingness but its up the each person to determine what they believe in.
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The gospel of FSM makes as much sense as any of the other religions. By rwenouncing us as “retarded” you are only labeling yourself. We know how rediculous it is to say that an all powerful lump of spaghetti, or maybe even an invisible being created all things. You have just proven how rediculous all religions are!
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Lioss… A Jew, is a Jewish person, I’m sure that Jewish isn’t a noun. For that matter, “Annonymous” (Anonymous), are you saying that an invisible bearded man that lives in the sky is more valid than the Flying Spaghetti Monster? You do realize that the kind of ignorance you show toward us is exactly what got your “savior” Jesus killed? It’s insane how one can make such an ignorant remark, and yet not realize what he or she is really saying? Stupidity, thy name is “Annonymous”.
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Oh my god, seriously??
I’M 14 and I have a bigger mind than you.
So if God exists, why can’t the Spaghetti Monster?
I am a firm believer in evolution, but that doesn’t mean you can go around saying that other religions are fake just because they seem to be smaller. And you know, funny. But they are proving a point. I respect all religions, I don’t see why humans are so stubborn about making other people believe them.
That is one of the reasons there is so much crap happening in the world right now. People get mad when other people think differently. And even I sometimes find it weird the way Christians think, but I respect it.
Whatever religion, it’s what OTHER PEOPLE THINK. So why the fuck do you care? All the other religions have plenty of people, so BACK THE FUCK OFF.
God, humans are so stupid sometimes.
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“If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct instead”
I wonder if this guy beat his kids senseless until they started believing in christ? I guess its an effective method. Back in the good old days, the church would skip the beating part and just put people like us to death. That truly is the right christian thing to do! Skip the beating and go straight for the killing (or if dealing with large numbers of infidels, perhaps try genocide).
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don’t you see the hypocrisy in your speech? you criticize the fact that pirates are affecting global warming, and dismiss the mere thought that a spaghetti monster could be god, but still you believe that somehow, an omnipotent “god” created everything and everyone. and this somehow makes every other belief in the world bad, since your “god” told you that everyone else is wrong, and that he is the only god. funny, you don’t seem to be insulting islam, judaism, hinduism, and other religions. your criticism is despicable
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Ye seem to forget yer own course of Zombie Jesus Sailing.
Yer way off course wit de’ hating thy neighbor, turning the other fist, and expressing yer opinions.
You needs ta sail in the opposite direction yer Zombie Jesus Compass points ye in…..way over der with love, emathy, and never expressing yer opinions in faver of obedience.
Heave Ho lads, drink hardy tonight. Like last night. We have much inebrieting and pasta’ing to do.
Now iffin yah be excusing me land blubber…i mean lubber.
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To say something like that is either cowardly, ignorant, or both… Probably both. FSMism is purely a way for fun-loving non-bigots to express their thoughts. And WTF? A Flying Spaghetti Monster makes just as much sense (if not more!) as half the stuff in the Bible!!! What the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks?? A talking bush??? Go watch Religilous with Bill Mayher. Pastafarianism is but a peaceful protest to the ignorant and unjust way a school board is forcing the fact that Intelegent disign is a form of science. Go grow up and crawl out of the secluded and sheltered hole that is organized idiocy.
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I find it absolutely terrifying that Anonymous is now attacking FSM as well as Scientology.
I do not personally believe in a higher order, and am merely browsing the internet for a school project; however, I find it truly insulting that there is a person who will bash people for what they feel.
Are there people that are in this for the joke? Sure there are.
Are there people who are not joking? Of course.
Dear Syndicate Anonymous and all of your little mindless followers of intolerance:
Hang up the confederate flag and your white robes.
This is the twenty-first century.
Sincerely,
Stephen
10th grade
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“Theres is only one God and one Holy Word”
Very true:
In the beginning was the Word
and the Word was Arrrgh!”
PIRATICUS 13:7
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“I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned. Theres is only one God and one Holy Word.”
you know, there’s also such a thing as freedom of religion.
there’s no such thing as law enforcement on the internet. because it’s not in any country, state, or anywhere at all.
only one god, unless you’re a catholic with the trinity and all those saints, or a hindu with an entire pantheon, or a buddhist with something entirely different I think, or a taoist which revolves around nature, or a shintoist with tons of spirits, or a wiccan with what I think is a goddess, or a neopagan with pretty much whatever you feel like… oddly enough, the pastafarians are one of the few that are with you on the monotheism front.
wait so use guys don’t need the whole bible, just one “holy word”? man that explains everthing! no wonder you guys aren’t fammilar wih half the storys in there! you’ve only been reading that one holy word!
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You say that you are a respector of all religions. Then why would you enter my place of worship and insult the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Do you not find Pastafarianism to be a respectable religion just like all of those which you respect? In the words of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen: ‘How rude!’
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I haven’t checked recently, but I think that the Store needs a “ONE NATION – UNDER THE FSM” bumper sticker: red (for marinara), white (for Alfredo) and blue, for, er, Christian hemorrhoids, maybe?
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Edited with corrections:
Dear dumb ass followers of Christianity,
There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all. Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as a man that lives in the clouds? Seriously, how fucking old are you? I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned. Theres is no God and no Holy Word. Why dont you people get that? How much sense does it make to say that there is an imaginary man that lives in the clouds? Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart?
You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public. If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless untill your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct instead of just saying “Eh, lets make a new religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be invisible. Oh, and it should be able to fly. Lets bow down to it and see how many people follow suit!”
Damn you all to hell!! Better yet, somebody should lock you in a fucking psychiatric ward for further examination because they obviously didnt do that enough when you dumb fucks were born. I hope this web page is taken off the web as quickly as it was put up.
–Sincerly,
ANNONYMOUS
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Just do it: ,
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South Park for the win (south park season 10 episode Go God Go)
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Solid, solid trolling. Good style, decent believability, needs more misspellings. I think you went overboard on the “Damn you all to hell!!!”, you probably should have gone with a more standard “There is still time to repent and save your souls from hell”.
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O Unbeliever, I pray for your soul that it is spared from the fiery pits of hell, a place of boiling marinara where you shall be burned and boiled forever, al dente. O Unbeliever, I pray for your soul for Him, the Unnameable and Ineffable God of durum wheat (praise be to Him), that He will forgive you and not strike you down with a fiery meatball falling from Heaven.
REPENT! REPENT! REPENT!
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HA HA HA HA HA
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Ohhhhh the irony!! XD
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HERESY!!!! HOW DARE YOU SLANDER THE ALMIGHTY AND EVERLOVING NOODLY APPENDAGE?
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Oh, the spelling mistake makes it. Bravo! BRAVO!!!
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You will soon feel his noodly appendages take your soul. insolent creature
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Now, you are free to express whatever you would like. “Normal” people would just ignore you and move on but what bugs me the most is how you can hide behind a shield of anonymous after said criticism. I’ve been guilty of it too, but have recently gone back to as far as I remember and given my name (and should the occasion call for, a method of contact such as an email) to people I have criticized.
Hope you will give us the courtesy of a name, for you may not like us but there can be respect amongst two enemies.
-krystalmaze
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I’m not going to take the time to nitpick this dude’s message. It’s obvious he’s speaking ignorantly and bullheadedly. We can all see this. He wants to rile the community of FSM believers, and he’s actually accomplished it with a few of you. Hatred only begets more hatred. I know I’m better than to (how did he say it?) beat him senseless because he believes something other than I.
As for the writer of comment 513, I respect and admire you. It’s refreshing to see that not all Christians are blinded by their own faith. There’s nothing wrong with living in harmony. However, as long as people try to shove religion down our throats, we will retaliate.
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