this is all absolute bullfuck

THIS IS ALL ABSOLUTE BULLFUCK.
YOU PPL ALL REALLY BELIEVE IN A FUCKIN FLYING DINNER…..
GO DIE MUTHAFUCKERS
-franklin

96 Responses to “this is all absolute bullfuck”
  1. 1 - JorickHorn - Oct 18th, 2008

    ‘Flying Dinner!?’ Blasphemy! Do not insult our god by bringing him down to the level of a dinner! Just because he happens to be spaghetti doesn’t mean he’s for eating!

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  2. 2 - Fliegenden Nudeln - Oct 18th, 2008

    SCORE AND CRITIQUE:

    Use of FUCK = Three times in three sentences………….Score 95%

    Use of CAPS = Typed completely with caps lock on………Score 100%

    Compound words = BULLFUCK and MOTHAFUCKERS……………Score 60%

    Sensitivity and Rapport = Completely lacking………….Score 0%

    Originality = None…………………………………Score 0%

    Logical Thought and Development = None at all…………Score 0%

    In summary, Franklin, for the betterment of society, we recommend that you go die, “Muthafucker.” “PPL” like you are sociopaths that can’t be shown any mercy, so the sooner you depart, the better.

    -FN-

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  3. 3 - rescueacls - Oct 18th, 2008

    your anger, condescension and intolerance give you away as a religious fundamentalist. you must have all of the answers and extraordinary evidence to support said answers.

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  4. 4 - Zane - Oct 18th, 2008

    Isn’t it nice to see that the idea tolerance of other people’s beliefs is alive and well?

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  5. 5 - Dennis - Oct 18th, 2008

    Isn’t that a quote from the bible?

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  6. 6 - Amused - Oct 19th, 2008

    Hmm… let’s pick his argument apart:

    Given: “THIS IS ALL ABSOLUTE BULLFUCK.”

    “YOU PPL ALL REALLY BELIEVE IN A FUCKIN FLYING DINNER…..”
    I suppose, in a vague way, this is true… although in cannibalistic cultures *his* God is also a flying dinner.

    (unstated: “BELIEVING IN A FUCKIN FLYING DINNER IS ABSOLUTE BULLFUCK.”)
    Well, duh. ‘Cept that we have loads of evidence for His existence.

    (also unstated: “PPL WHO BELIEVE IN ABSOLUTE BULLFUCK MUST DIE”)
    Umm… ignoring ethics, I could be led to believe this.

    Therefore: “GO DIE MUTHAFUCKERS”

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  7. 7 - StJason - Oct 19th, 2008

    Thank you, franklin. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. As we enjoy His delights of a good carbohydrate-laden meal providing sustenance to both the body and soul, know that we shall send a small amount of the contentment and peace that we feel to you, delivered down by His Noodly Appendage. All you have to do is think and listen and feel. Are you doing that, franklin?

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  8. 8 - Steve - Oct 19th, 2008

    Hmmm, Not so much a knee jerk as a jerk off reaction to our wonderful FSM. Another Palin voter I fear.

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  9. 9 - Aesi - Oct 19th, 2008

    Nothing like a good cup of whine to go with your cheese (on toast) in the morning! :)

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  10. 10 - GummiHU - Oct 19th, 2008

    I thought only Christians ate their god

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  11. 11 - Theo, Holland - Oct 19th, 2008

    Religious Freedom of Speech: “everyone who doesn’t think the way I do, should die. And I’m allowed to say that.”

    Religious Respect: “I demand respect or else I hate you.”

    Franklin is clearly a first testament zombiejewian.

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  12. 12 - Dan - Oct 19th, 2008

    Franklin – try getting laid, much of your anger and resentment will fade away. Stick with Pastafarian lovers, they’re less frigid.

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  13. 13 - scimmia - Oct 19th, 2008

    What an exciting and fascinating contribution to this site! I think we may have discovered the missing link between monkeys and humans… or at any rate the last Neanderthal in existence… I suggest franklin should donate his body to the National Museum of Natural History of the Smithsonian Institute! (There’s a Department of Paleobiology that would pay good money for a living fossil!)… franklin may inadvertently be able to provide further valuable evidence to support Darwin’s theories… he even uses a language indicating thought patterns typical of the primitive primate with words like “BULLFUCK” (perhaps a tribal ritual?) and “MUTHAFUCKERS” (perhaps another tribal ritual which would explain his limited powers of expression and incomplete mental development, apparently due to an extremely advanced degree of inbreeding?)

    P.S. Thank you Fliegenden Nudeln for your in-depth analysis of the semantic characteristics and psychological dimensions of franklin’s post. Your comments are always stimulating, pertinent and intelligent. I do feel that your score of 60% for use of compound words was excessively generous however… let us bear in mind that the words in question do not denote a high level of linguistic sophistication, but probably refer to the above-mentioned primitive tribal rituals. They are therefore repeated as a comforting element of certainty (since it reminds the subject of reassuring and soothing ceremonial practices and rites) and they no doubt constitute a sort of knee-jerk verbalisation or automatic response when a member of the tribe feels threatened or confused by something he is unable to understand or appreciate!

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  14. 14 - Stephanie - Oct 19th, 2008

    Ah, more Christian tolerance and love…

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  15. 15 - KC - Oct 19th, 2008

    All this hate mail is preaching that christianity is love and tolerance….. guess not! They don’t tolerate different very well! do as jesus would do and stop hating on us! Apparently they didn’t read that FSM include muslims and christians and wiccans etc… they didn’t read that we are promoting tolerance! fucktards….

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  16. 16 - Reggie Dixon - Oct 19th, 2008

    Franklin.
    You sad man.

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  17. 17 - Vik - Oct 19th, 2008

    You know who else was a good meal? Jesus. His blood sure does have a kick to it.

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  18. 18 - Darwin’sMonkey - Oct 19th, 2008

    Once again the Christian movement proves that the lower the education the higher the faith. Franklin here, he must have faith in abundance, why educate yourself when you have the Lord..
    RAmen

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  19. 19 - Iron Mike - Oct 19th, 2008

    Bull fucking? I know some fuck sheep, but bulls? Both sound disgusting, but fucking bulls could be fatal. Be careful franklin.

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  20. 20 - Nahmala - Oct 19th, 2008

    Tsk, tsk. While you say we all believe in a “flying dinner”, you believe in a zombie carpenter. We have proof; you have insanity.

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  21. 21 - Cape Buffalo - Oct 19th, 2008

    Spoken like a true believer in one religion to a true believer in another religion. This is how holy wars start. Who (or what) is the real villian here, Franklin? Figure that one out and get back to me, and prehaps we can all share a non-secular dinner together some day.

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  22. 22 - Captain Headwound - Oct 19th, 2008

    Why would we die? We enjoy life, heaven is just auxiliary, unlike you Christian fundies.

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  23. 23 - flemish girl - Oct 19th, 2008

    *gives a big big big hug to Franklin*
    ‘cmon, my dear pirates, all he need is some love. He can’t help it that nobody loves him and that he’s brainwashed.

    Franklin, may the lord touch you with his appendages,
    RAmen

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  24. 24 - Meisha - Oct 19th, 2008

    Your post contains prejudice against gay men, sluts, and straight women who enjoy sex with fathers. Fathafuckers should have been included in your post as well. This is a terrible affront to all of us lesbians who are proud muthafuckers and straight people who like sex with mothers. Its terrible and inconsiderate. I deserve an apology.

    The flying dinner comment is true. You’re just going to have to, pardon the pun, suck it up and deal with it, Franklin. You’re a big boy now wearing big boy pants and everything. Try to act like one.

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  25. 25 - starry - Oct 19th, 2008

    you are stupid if you honestly think people who follow this church really give a fuck about what you have to say. go get a life dumbass. I love the FSM cause he makes you a pirate and he tastes great and im drunk so im going to go eat some fucking spaghetti.

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  26. 26 - Fliegenden Nudeln - Oct 19th, 2008

    @ Scimmia (#13)

    Scimmia, based on your careful analysis of the etymology of BULLFUCK and MOTHAFUCKERS, I agree that my score for the use of these compound words was far too high (my post #2). These expressions are likely descriptive of ritualistic tribal behaviors as you suggest. They may even border on pre-symbolic language consisting of gutteral grunts and shrieks as is observed with baboons and other lower primates.

    If, as you speculated, Franklin finds the use of these words reassuring and soothing, we should be grateful. The only alternative is to shoot him with a tranquilizer-loaded dart, capture him, feed him yellow capsules, and lock him safely away in a basement cell of the Arkham Asylum for the Stupidly Demented.

    Keeping him captive in the Arkham Asylum should be considered only as a temporary measure until we can arrange to have him stuffed and mounted and placed on display in the Smithsonian.

    May our Noodly Lord continue to grant you peace and health,
    -FN-

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  27. 27 - Zinc Alloy - Oct 19th, 2008

    Frankly, Franklin, that was a frankly rubbish post.

    Must try harder.

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  28. 28 - lilwench - Oct 19th, 2008

    What, no oars! It not be a proper hate mail without a threat to shove an oar up some orifice.

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  29. 29 - jeremykeys - Oct 19th, 2008

    Ah, I have to admit that I truly love the retorts that exist here. I have to wonder if the same level of intellectual communication occurs on Christian websites. Kind of doubt it. If I’m not mistaken, isn’t Franklin
    a turtle? Don’t seem to recall the foul language though.
    As for this Jesus turning water into wine; if I’m not mistaken it happens in the Napa Valley on a daily basis. Crushed grapes (mostly water), yeast, a container and time. Voila! Wine. Just about anybody can do it. It’s been happening in France and Italy for years so what’s the big deal?
    So tell me Franklin the turtle. What’s bullfuck? Are you into some weird bovine fornication thing or what? I know that some Christians are into tight knit family units so that might explain the mothafuck you mentioned.
    Sounds a bit rude to me. Does your dad know about this? Are you still going to marry your sister? It’s okay. If later you get divorced she’s still your sister. As for the flying dinner, I take it you’ve never been in a food fight. Who throws a cupcake? Now really?
    You might want to get your capslock key fixed. It looks like you’re shouting and pirates don’t tend to take being shouted at all that well.
    Manners are very important.
    Are you suggesting to us to go die? I hate to break it to you but eventually everyone does this. Don’t really know why but it seems to be the trend so telling us to go die is just a trifle redundant don’t you think?
    I’m curious though. It’s my curse. Are you really that offended by us? We’re nice people here. We try not to hurt anyone and love pasta and beer. What’s so bad about that? Good food and good ale makes people happy. You do want people to be happy don’t you?
    I saw that you noticed a similarity in the looks of our Lord and a fine pasta dish. I’m sure that this is just a coincidence. At least we know what our Lord looks like. You certainly can’t say the same thing about your Lord after all the first paintings of him or it were done hundreds of years after his or it’s appearance here on earth. With nobody alive to dispute it who’s to say what your Lord looks like. Could just as easily be linguine as a human. Something to think about. I realize that you probably take the “made in the Lords image” seriously but I don’t look anything like Queen Latifah. I’m just saying! Eyes and ears buddy. Eyes and ears. Use these things and think about what they are telling you.

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  30. 30 - enjoi - Oct 19th, 2008

    we are all hypocrites really no matter what religion we belong to, that is clearly expressed here.

    Peace people!

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  31. 31 - Davy Jones in His Latter Years - Oct 20th, 2008

    franklin,

    Look under the couch and behind the sink. Your meds are exactly where you left them. Double up on them and get back to us. Even though you have the outdated beliefs, we won’t hold it against you and you can go ahead and capitalize your name.

    May you find true peace through his noodly love.

    RAmen

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  32. 32 - ET, the Extra Terrestrial - Oct 20th, 2008

    Clearly Franklin has spent many hours researching the values of and basis for Pastafarianism. His conclusions are carefully reasoned and well expressed. I’m going to have to engage in some serioius introspection, and potentially re-evaluate my philosophy.
    (Psst, Franklin, it’s called sarcasm. Look it up.)

    Who lets these people use a computer, anyhow?
    RAmen
    ET

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  33. 33 - GistGrant - Oct 20th, 2008

    Is all the hate mail dipped from the same inkpot? I mean, come guys, show some creativity… Oh well, at least the comments do.
    Arrr!

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  34. 34 - scimmia - Oct 20th, 2008

    Sorry enjoi (post #30)… you said “we are all hypocrites really no matter what religion we belong to”
    How the heck do you work that one out??? Openly expressed hatred such as Franklin’s is not “hypocrisy”… quite the opposite… let’s at least give him the credit for not hiding behind flowery words!
    It’s the “Peace people love thy brother (unless he’s an unbeliever in which case impale him and roast him alive)!” organised religion bullshit that is hypocritical!
    Let’s call things by their real names shall we??

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  35. 35 - scimmia - Oct 20th, 2008

    Your post really cracked me up! The verbalisations BULLFUCK and MOTHAFUCKERS certainly consist of primitive guttural vowel sounds and let us sincerely hope that they have had a soothing effect upon the poor tormented individual in question… let us try to understand him before we take drastic measures like “locking him safely away in a basement cell of the Arkham Asylum” or having him “stuffed and mounted and placed on display”… after all it must be really hard for and lonely for him (as the last surviving example of a long-extinct bygone species) to live among a complicated and highly developed society dominated by the more highly evolved members of another species without frequently feeling mentally challenged, confused or threatened.
    Actually I’m starting to think that Franklin’s species may be even stranger and more exotic than we suspected… some of the contributors to this section seem to have correctly identified him as being a humanoid turtle. You can watch him at
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAK4nzCZEW0 in Italian or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Zf8t-uAzhk&feature=related in Canadian!
    Es gibt auch eine Folge vom Serie auf Deutsch (Franklins Riesen-unordnung) am: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaT61Os72j4&feature=related aber ich verstehe alles nicht!
    Noch eine Frage für unser Fliegenden Nudeln: warum bist du noch nicht im dem Forum eingetreten? Ich sehe das du machst so viele Kontributionen an die „main pages“ aber warum bist du nicht noch ein „member“?? Komm darein, es ist zehr einfach!

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  36. 36 - neal - Oct 20th, 2008

    Chapter 9

    Former President George W. Bush was lying in a hammock nestled between two trees at his ranch in Crawford, Texas drinking a Margarita and lost in reverie.
    “Stupid assholes” , he thought. “Got this one wrong, just like all the other ones,” and chortled to himself.
    “Everybody thinks I’m an idjit, but I’ve outsmarted ’em all”, he mumbled to himself, and took another swig from the ice cold drink, licking the salt from the rim of the glass.
    “ Assholes never put 911 together now did they”. Sure there were people who thought he and his cohorts deliberately demolished the World Trade Center and the Pentagon with planted charges organized by a vast conspiracy to start the terrorism war. “Shit, it was staring ‘em right in the face and they missed it. Dumb fuckers.”
    When the National Daily Intelligence briefing crossed the President’s desk while he was on vacation in Crawford in August 2001, he called Cheney, and they decided between themselves to simply do nothing.
    As Bruce Springsteen said, “Stand Back and Let It All Be”, that was all they did. They knew it was coming, and decided to let it happen, that was all it took. Then they said “Who’da thunk it?”
    Perfect way to pave the way for everything they did. “Christ, we were brilliant. The nation rallied behind me, all I had to do was stand on top the rubble with a bull horn and put my arm around a firefighter, and they gave me everything I wanted, no questions asked: Six trillion in tax cuts for my people, rich people; a war in Iraq; expanded powers to tortures and wiretap; supreme court justices; deregulation and a bail out when the bubble burst so my people couldn’t lose, gave me everything. Even when the 911 report came out and they knew we were warned, they never figured out we deliberately let it happen, stupid fuckers! Who gives a fuck if I left unpopular, I made money for my partners as they said in the Godfather, and nobody caught on.“
    And now his people were taking care of him royally. Bush took another swig from his Margarita, put his hat over his face and took a nap.

    Chapter 10

    “They think the father is that dumb fucking hockey player,” thought Crystal Calan, “When actually it is The Dark Lord. I did Satan and I’m having his child, who will rule Earth for a 1000 years!” She then opened her pill fob and took her three anti-psychotic meds whose dosage had recently been doubled by her psycho-pharmacologist.

    Chapter 11

    In any number of expensive hotels throughout the country, vagrant foul-smelling men with long, stringy hair were walking up to the front desk, typically in the early morning hours, and announcing they were Jesus Christ returning to judge the living and the dead, and demanding the best suite in the house for the duration.
    Depending on the religious world view of the front desk clerk, they either wound up in jail for vagrancy, or were given the keys and shown to their suite –much to the chagrin of daytime management who were left with the distasteful task of having to evict “Jesus” and have him dragged by police through a crowded lobby while he screamed profanities at the top of his lungs.

    Chapter 12

    Not every wave of Ascensions went as smoothly as others. In Mississippi, a wave of approximately 15,000 Rapture Christians began ascending just as a Hurricane Neal, a category 3 storm began crossing the Gulf Coast. The resultant debris field of severed limbs, heads and torsos was even more extensive than the one caused by the explosion of the Space Shuttle over Dallas, Texas. Body Parts were found in trees as far away as Tennessee over the ensuing days after those Rapture Christians ran into one of nature’s buzz saws.

    From the upcoming novel “Glad to Be Left Behind” by neal

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  37. 37 - PastaFaZoo - Oct 20th, 2008

    I still do not understand why the vast majority of the “FSM Skeptics” are so full of rage, and threaten violence so easily. They are a seething mass of hatred, ready to destroy anything or anyone that doesn’t agree with them. Why can’t they just relax? It’s not like we’ve done anything to them. And for that matter, neither has their god, so what are they all so afraid of?

    *sigh*

    Going to get a beer. Hopefully from a stripper.

    RAmen

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  38. 38 - Chundermutton - Oct 20th, 2008

    surely that jesus (made of bread) is also a dinner?
    so the only difference is that ours can fly. looks like we win hands down.

    and BTW, what’s bullfuck?

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  39. 39 - Michael T - Oct 20th, 2008

    I wonder if Franklin’s last name is Palin, Coulter or Limbaugh…

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  40. 40 - gimmethegepgun - Oct 20th, 2008

    I think “Use of CAPS” got too high of a score, since he managed to type his name in lower-case letters. Where he also managed to forget to capitalize his name. I propose dissection.

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  41. 41 - Arve - Oct 20th, 2008

    *Sniff* I like you guys! You crack me up one side and down the other!

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  42. 42 - Garrett - Oct 20th, 2008

    Wow,
    and this is what kids are taught by parents and pastors these days?

    Im so glad I havent been infected by the bible……

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  43. 43 - I believe - Oct 20th, 2008

    Lol you’re kinda dumb TC, you believe in the same thing, you just think it looks different XD

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  44. 44 - Nibos - Oct 20th, 2008

    Somebody needs a hug.

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  45. 45 - Ninja-Man - Oct 20th, 2008

    I love these people that tell us all to die, I am honestly offended. They must hate us so much, because if we were to all die and go to their heaven and all of this…that would not be a comfortable conversation for us to have with their god.

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  46. 46 - Roland - Oct 20th, 2008

    I am not sure from what (burning ?) bush you were creeping out, but beside the poor language: fucking bulls can be quite dangerous. I know that some desert nomads preferring intercourse with “sometimes male, sometimes female, sometimes camel” but with Bulls ??
    And the ‘MUTHAFUCKERS’ (spelling ?) there is a famous motherfucker who as part of the holy trinity who had impregnated as holy spirit his own mother to bear himself … but this is another religion not the FSM doctrine.
    So what evidence do you have for your specific religion ?
    Any proof of your specific God, like photo, his name Yahweh written into DNA, or the 10 commandments written in miles huge letters on the moon ??
    Nothing ?!
    Here the proof of the church of the FSM, his noodly deity who leave his own image imprinted from tiny microscopic protein structures up to 300,000 light-years huge galactic structures existing for 100 million years.
    Protein resembles FSM: http://www.venganza.org/2008/09/19/protein-resembles-fsm/
    Galactic FSM : http://space.newscientist.com/article/dn14573-galactic-spaghetti-monster-powered-by-magnetic-fields.html?DCMP=ILC-hmts&nsref=news1_head_dn14573
    So now repent your FSM blasphemy !
    Donate us all your money, so we can scarify some parmesan cheese and oregano for his FSM holiness.

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  47. 47 - selena - Oct 20th, 2008

    Awww. C’mon now. Have a big fat bowl….

    of noodles.

    with sauce.

    and cheeeeeeese.

    RaMen.

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  48. 48 - Ex-Captain Etay - Oct 20th, 2008

    Note: Using all caps, using funny-sounding madeup swears, and speaking “gangsta” all make you sound ridiculous and make us wonder just how your parents raised you.

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  49. 49 - Mel - Oct 20th, 2008

    Wow. It’s special people like you, Mr. Franklin, that cause me to lose faith in the human race more and more frequently.

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  50. 50 - lazlow - Oct 21st, 2008

    Like the old saying goes: “You can give a crazy man a keyboard, but you can’t teach him proper capitalization.”

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  51. 51 - TheFewTheProudTheMarinara - Oct 21st, 2008

    No, Franklin isn’t a turtle – he’s Charlie Brown’s little black friend. If Charles Schultz was alive today he’s wash his mouth our with soap. Then maybe have him spit on Pig Pen to get a “two-fer”.

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  52. 52 - Vermicelli - Oct 21st, 2008

    With some editing this could be a lovely Haiku:

    This is all Bullfuck
    Belief in Flying Dinners
    Die muthafuckers

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  53. 53 - Nicole - Oct 21st, 2008

    Well done Mr. Franklin. Your wit and charm are only exceeded by the logic of your well thought out arguments. Clearly your knowledge and debating skills far outpace any one of us lowly, what was it you called us? , Oh yes MUTHAFUCKERS that was it. I beg you Mr. Franklin in the future please turn your intellectual sights elsewhere lest you destroy our humble (yet tasty) religion with your masterful arguments against an deity of pasta.

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  54. 54 - Pathiefarian Wench - Oct 21st, 2008

    Proof, if it were needed, that the fervently religious don’t know how to swear properly.

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  55. 55 - Sociology Class - Oct 21st, 2008

    We have 3 questions:

    1. How does the FSM affect individual morality and help guide social behavior?

    2. Can we have the recipe?

    3. Some of us are vegan- what do we do? We feel uncomfortable worshiping meatballs and non-vegan pasta. Something with balls.

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  56. 56 - DavidChipman - Oct 21st, 2008

    Is it me or is this poster just another humorless and clueless imbecile? I mean, really. Some of the language used Bible-believing “Christians” is the sort of thing that would disappoint their savior greatly. He never told anybody to be angry when they were attacked for the faith (as if Pastafarians were personally attacking Christians in the first place). But, I suppose it’s the funda*mental*ist (and I do mean “mental”) mindset. Such a pity.

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  57. 57 - Theo - Oct 22nd, 2008

    We have 3 questions:

    1. How does the FSM affect individual morality and help guide social behavior?
    He does it in many ways – but we don’t know for sure. We believe you take responsibility for your actions. But until someones proofs otherwise, the FSM touches us with his Noodly Appendages.

    2. Can we have the recipe?
    Of what?

    3. Some of us are vegan- what do we do? We feel uncomfortable worshiping meatballs and non-vegan pasta. Something with balls.
    That’s ok. Leave out the meat then, that’s perfectly fine. It’s not that our Deity will judge you on it or anything.

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  58. 58 - Eric - Oct 22nd, 2008

    Let me get it straight.

    You don’t agree with us, so we should die.

    Make perfect sense. Seems to work so well for Muslims. Hooray religion!

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  59. 59 - neal - Oct 22nd, 2008

    Evidently this guy believes only airline food was meant to fly.

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  60. 60 - another generation - Oct 22nd, 2008

    Home schooling for religous purposes should be banned. It makes generations of dumb people.

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  61. 61 - Captain Red Tom - Oct 22nd, 2008

    Wowzers…
    He sure showed us… guess I’m gonna go convert to a less “Bullfuck” religion… like scientology for instance.
    RAmen! (for perhaps the final time)…

    Sarcastically yours,
    Cap’m Red Tom

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  62. 62 - Ben Tremblay - Oct 22nd, 2008

    What is “bullfuck?”

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  63. 63 - Roy Hunter - Oct 23rd, 2008

    Franklin is neither a turtle, nor the missing link. I also seriously doubt that he is a medium ‘channeling’ the wit and repartee of the late Oscar Wilde.

    Franklin is, of course, a Fabulous Furry Freak Brother, although he must be pushing sixty by now, which explains all the extra medication he has to take.

    The way I see it, as long as Franklin is abusing us on the internet he is not spending his time shouting at people in supermarket queues; hanging around badly lit parking structures in a slightly creepy way; or sitting in a puddle of his own urine on the bus. It’s better for society this way.

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  64. 64 - Marcus Aurelius - Oct 23rd, 2008

    Well, I guess this is it. We’ve been called bullfuck. Time to go home now, huh?

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  65. 65 - OrthodoxPastafarian - Oct 24th, 2008

    I thought “bullfuck” was a verb.

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  66. 66 - Gnomey - Oct 24th, 2008

    A diner?I love greasey spoons! Maybe they have pie here…

    And go die? I always thought all life was really was slowly dying after a few years of growth. Now I have hope that it’s accualy life puncuated by sudden influxes of death.

    Here, have a drink and settle down. RAmen.

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  67. 67 - Flartus - Oct 24th, 2008

    Huh. Well, I confess I didn’t read all 65 comments, but I just wanted to ask…why are you all assuming Franklin is Christian? I mean, yes, most of the flaming posts here in the past have been from “people” trying to defend their loving and tolerant Jesus and/or Christian God. But I’m getting a bit unhappy with the Christian-bashing that we tend to slip into so easily.

    Remember: it’s not the Christian religion FSM is necessarily unhappy with, it’s the steamrolling Christian fundamentalists in our society.

    As a non-steamrolling, non-fundamentalist of the Christian persuasion, I ask you to please remember the tenets of acceptance and okay-ness we offer over our plates of noodly goodness. Let’s not replace one brand of intolerance with another.

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  68. 68 - Noodlenut - Oct 24th, 2008

    I really liked this. Franklin’s prose style is always teetering between post-Wodeshousian whimsy and a full-blooded manic rant but never fails to be compulsively readable, engaging, and (as you’d expect) insouciantly eloquent. As an autobiography with openly novelistic overtones (Franklin casts himself as a part-naif, part-diabolical character in a distinctively English public school caper), The plot is full of diverting incidents, plot-structures, and forward momentum but also allows Franklin room for interpolating the digressive anecdotes and cerebral meditations upon life, love, and the manifold indignities of growing up that he is so good at. Brilliant observations on the mysteries of sexuality and the profound anguish of adolescent embarrassment, as well as being a bitter-sweet comedy on the impossibility of fulfilling society’s injunctions to ‘grow up’ and ‘fit in’

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  69. 69 - Teh Spag-worshipper - Oct 24th, 2008

    What is it that people have against the reproductive functions of cows?

    And as regards the actual message, I should like to say to you, OMGLOL U MUST BE SO RITE U NO HOW 2 SPEL MUTHAFUCKER!
    (for the brain-dead and/or fundies, that was irony.)

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  70. 70 - Orthar - Oct 24th, 2008

    So what if we worship dinner? Christians say their god is bread and wine, that’s just a side dish to a delicious spaghetti dinner … sounds to me like were the dominate “food based” religion. We win =)

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  71. 71 - CBL - Oct 25th, 2008

    I agree with BullFuck. And in fact believe as he does in the fucking of bulls religion myself. After all, we Bullfuckolgists derive great pleasure from our bestiality practices and in fact own great herds of bulls ourselves for such. In fact, you may have heard of us. We’re called the Dallas Cowboys.

    Signed,

    Redskins Fan

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  72. 72 - Shadow The Ninja - Oct 26th, 2008

    And they call me stupid. >.>’

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  73. 73 - Blaze8902 - Nov 5th, 2008

    I bet twenty dollars this “bullfuck” is Christian.

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  74. 74 - Piratey Ninja - Nov 6th, 2008

    Does this even merit a response…?

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  75. 75 - alanpai - Nov 12th, 2008

    i have read alot of hate mail but you must be the biggest asshole that i have ever had the misfortune of encountering
    suck my nuts you prick.

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  76. 76 - Will - Nov 16th, 2008

    be nice…

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  77. 77 - hmsabo - Nov 20th, 2008

    Bullfuck?

    Congrats.
    You win the “I Am So Un-evolved I Can Hardly Construct A Decent Insult” Award.

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  78. 78 - kurt cobain1 - Nov 21st, 2008

    what fuck you do not look down on my religion just becouse youre dumb that is no excuse

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  79. 79 - James - Nov 22nd, 2008

    What a lovely Christian man!

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  80. 80 - Spaghetti Dave - Nov 23rd, 2008

    And you believe in an imaginary man in the sky.
    You believe in some guy whose modern day image was built around the pre-existing images and powers of older gods and religions.
    Maybe I believe in a flying pasta god, but you, dear friend — friend here meaning dumbass — believe in nothing at all.
    Except of course, what you’re told.

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  81. 81 - Eaver - Nov 29th, 2008

    “This is absolute bullfuck”. That’s almost as good as when someone wrote me “Go fuck a melon, you hippie!”

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  82. 82 - Muhammad Hussain - Nov 30th, 2008

    ___________0000000_____________0000000
    _______00000000000000_______0000000000000
    _____000000000000000000__000000000000000000
    ___000000000000000000000000000000_______00000
    __0000000000000000000000000000000_________0000
    _0000000000000000000000000000000000________0000
    _00000000000000000000000000000000000000_____0000
    00000000000000000000000000000000000000000___0000
    00000000000000000000000000000000000000000_000000
    000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
    000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
    _0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
    __00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
    ____0000000000000000000000000000000000000000
    ______000000000000000000000000000000000000
    ________0000000000000000000000000000000
    __________00000000000000000000000000
    ______________00000000000000000000
    _________________00000000000000
    ___________________0000000000
    _____________________000000
    ______________________0000
    _______________________00

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  83. 83 - Billy queef - Dec 15th, 2008

    Wow.. Bullfuck eh.. Well all i can say it will hurt you more then it will hurt you ;) Lets not bull fuck lets ger some women into this seen Sounds good eh? I think so to

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  84. 84 - clint - Dec 16th, 2008

    really? bullfuck

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  85. 85 - Damo - Jan 5th, 2009

    ” THIS IS ALL ABSOLUTE BULLFUCK.
    YOU PPL ALL REALLY BELIEVE IN A FUCKIN FLYING DINNER…..
    GO DIE MUTHAFUCKERS
    -franklin ”

    Well franklin we ppl believe in a flying spaghetti dinner no more than you ppl believing in a book, probably written by a bored housewife with nothing else better to do, thousands of years ago.
    The only difference is you let this book control your life, we choose to make our own decisions in life. after all that is why we have brains.

    anyway religeon means jack shit in this day and age.
    does your god earn you money, feed your family or allow you to be who you want to be?
    er.. no. you’re just like everyone else who reads a copy of the same book and has decided to let their imaginary friends tell them what is right and wrong.

    muppets. get a life and stop wasting ours with your saviour bullshit.
    god and jesus are right up there with the easter bunny and father christmas.. or do you believe in them too???

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  86. 86 - Allan - Jan 8th, 2009

    ahh anger, thats what god message is, be angry and intolerant all the time, thats the short version of the bible isnt it franklin

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  87. 87 - Austin - Jan 16th, 2009

    Bullfuck, never heard that one before.

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  88. 88 - tahnokkal267 - Jan 18th, 2009

    wow, im…. im shocked. no sarcasm here, i truly believe youre the first person to ever think up “bullfuck”. congratulations, loser. :)

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  89. 89 - Cap’n Jolly Boots - Jan 23rd, 2009

    Holy jeepers! Samuel L. Jackson hates the FSM. SMITE THE NON-BELIEVER NOODLY ONE! SMITE HIIIIM!

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  90. 90 - mimmelit - Jan 26th, 2009

    franklin and all the rest tht hate us so much

    …no no no, that is not the Christian way to talk, now isn’t it?

    Where is all that BS about Jesus preaching peace and no killing and love your neighbor etc?
    I suppose you were all out sick when Sunday school talked about that paragraph/chapter/verse.
    I think we atheists call it respect, in case you are looking for the appropriate word.

    Atheists unite to spread some pasta :)

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  91. 91 - THE TRUE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER - Jan 27th, 2009

    the son hath not been touched by my noodly appendage.
    his uncouth behaviour will be stopped as soon as he sees my giant meatballs

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  92. 92 - MAN - Feb 3rd, 2009

    Franklin? as in the turtle? wow, they are slow.

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  93. 93 - Amy - Feb 16th, 2009

    Does anyone else get the impression he might have missed the point?

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  94. 94 - FSMMarine - Mar 9th, 2009

    Hahahah! This educated gentleman is absolutely, positively amazing.

    “YOU PPL ALL REALLY BELIEVE IN A FUCKIN FLYING DINNER…..”
    …Heres a fun fact: There have been an estimated 330+ religions that consisted of these key points.

    1. Child was born of a virgin.
    2. Child was adorned by wise men/princes/kings/dukes/etc./etc.
    3. Child may or may not have begun teaching at the age of 12.
    4. The amazing one began his ministry at the age of 25-30 performing millions of miracles.
    5. This man was unjustly crucified, hung, or otherwise tactically undone.
    6. On the third day that sexy motha fucka came back from the dead and bitchslapped the human race with people like you.

    So, good sir, allow me to retort. Your religion has been carbon copied for thousands of years through dozens of races, countries, continents, and cultures. The men who were the original backers of Christianity were suspected to be on the recieving end of prostitution and the opium pipe. The next time you want to speak, take a drink of water. By the way, dont mind the funny taste, its just the arsenic/bleach/chloroform coctail I added, you waste of life, oxygen, and biodegradeable material.

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  95. 95 - Bootstrap - Aug 31st, 2009

    LMAO your name is Franklin. We’re receiving hatemail from the fucking Nick Junior turtle.

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  96. 96 - char - Oct 26th, 2009

    Hello. I like to write about controversial stuff such as this. =3 Why? Because it’s fun to prove to people like you that you are very stupid and need to pick up a book once in a while. After all, learning that others are smarter than you helps push you to grow, right?

    Ok:

    THIS IS ALL ABSOLUTE BULLFUCK.
    YOU PPL ALL REALLY BELIEVE IN A FUCKIN FLYING DINNER…..
    GO DIE MUTHAFUCKERS

    Interesting. Every line uses the word “fuck.” Could it be that your vocabulary is pitifully small? Could it be that you saw the word “Pasta” and you imediately said, “FUCK!” Because that is practically all the english you know? Please reply, I’m curious. ^.^

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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American




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