THIS IS ALL ABSOLUTE BULLFUCK.
YOU PPL ALL REALLY BELIEVE IN A FUCKIN FLYING DINNER…..
GO DIE MUTHAFUCKERS
-franklin
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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‘Flying Dinner!?’ Blasphemy! Do not insult our god by bringing him down to the level of a dinner! Just because he happens to be spaghetti doesn’t mean he’s for eating!
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SCORE AND CRITIQUE:
Use of FUCK = Three times in three sentences………….Score 95%
Use of CAPS = Typed completely with caps lock on………Score 100%
Compound words = BULLFUCK and MOTHAFUCKERS……………Score 60%
Sensitivity and Rapport = Completely lacking………….Score 0%
Originality = None…………………………………Score 0%
Logical Thought and Development = None at all…………Score 0%
In summary, Franklin, for the betterment of society, we recommend that you go die, “Muthafucker.” “PPL” like you are sociopaths that can’t be shown any mercy, so the sooner you depart, the better.
-FN-
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your anger, condescension and intolerance give you away as a religious fundamentalist. you must have all of the answers and extraordinary evidence to support said answers.
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Isn’t it nice to see that the idea tolerance of other people’s beliefs is alive and well?
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Isn’t that a quote from the bible?
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Hmm… let’s pick his argument apart:
Given: “THIS IS ALL ABSOLUTE BULLFUCK.”
“YOU PPL ALL REALLY BELIEVE IN A FUCKIN FLYING DINNER…..”
I suppose, in a vague way, this is true… although in cannibalistic cultures *his* God is also a flying dinner.
(unstated: “BELIEVING IN A FUCKIN FLYING DINNER IS ABSOLUTE BULLFUCK.”)
Well, duh. ‘Cept that we have loads of evidence for His existence.
(also unstated: “PPL WHO BELIEVE IN ABSOLUTE BULLFUCK MUST DIE”)
Umm… ignoring ethics, I could be led to believe this.
Therefore: “GO DIE MUTHAFUCKERS”
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Thank you, franklin. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. As we enjoy His delights of a good carbohydrate-laden meal providing sustenance to both the body and soul, know that we shall send a small amount of the contentment and peace that we feel to you, delivered down by His Noodly Appendage. All you have to do is think and listen and feel. Are you doing that, franklin?
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Hmmm, Not so much a knee jerk as a jerk off reaction to our wonderful FSM. Another Palin voter I fear.
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Nothing like a good cup of whine to go with your cheese (on toast) in the morning! :)
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I thought only Christians ate their god
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Religious Freedom of Speech: “everyone who doesn’t think the way I do, should die. And I’m allowed to say that.”
Religious Respect: “I demand respect or else I hate you.”
Franklin is clearly a first testament zombiejewian.
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Franklin – try getting laid, much of your anger and resentment will fade away. Stick with Pastafarian lovers, they’re less frigid.
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What an exciting and fascinating contribution to this site! I think we may have discovered the missing link between monkeys and humans… or at any rate the last Neanderthal in existence… I suggest franklin should donate his body to the National Museum of Natural History of the Smithsonian Institute! (There’s a Department of Paleobiology that would pay good money for a living fossil!)… franklin may inadvertently be able to provide further valuable evidence to support Darwin’s theories… he even uses a language indicating thought patterns typical of the primitive primate with words like “BULLFUCK” (perhaps a tribal ritual?) and “MUTHAFUCKERS” (perhaps another tribal ritual which would explain his limited powers of expression and incomplete mental development, apparently due to an extremely advanced degree of inbreeding?)
P.S. Thank you Fliegenden Nudeln for your in-depth analysis of the semantic characteristics and psychological dimensions of franklin’s post. Your comments are always stimulating, pertinent and intelligent. I do feel that your score of 60% for use of compound words was excessively generous however… let us bear in mind that the words in question do not denote a high level of linguistic sophistication, but probably refer to the above-mentioned primitive tribal rituals. They are therefore repeated as a comforting element of certainty (since it reminds the subject of reassuring and soothing ceremonial practices and rites) and they no doubt constitute a sort of knee-jerk verbalisation or automatic response when a member of the tribe feels threatened or confused by something he is unable to understand or appreciate!
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Ah, more Christian tolerance and love…
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All this hate mail is preaching that christianity is love and tolerance….. guess not! They don’t tolerate different very well! do as jesus would do and stop hating on us! Apparently they didn’t read that FSM include muslims and christians and wiccans etc… they didn’t read that we are promoting tolerance! fucktards….
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Franklin.
You sad man.
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You know who else was a good meal? Jesus. His blood sure does have a kick to it.
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Once again the Christian movement proves that the lower the education the higher the faith. Franklin here, he must have faith in abundance, why educate yourself when you have the Lord..
RAmen
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Bull fucking? I know some fuck sheep, but bulls? Both sound disgusting, but fucking bulls could be fatal. Be careful franklin.
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Tsk, tsk. While you say we all believe in a “flying dinner”, you believe in a zombie carpenter. We have proof; you have insanity.
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Spoken like a true believer in one religion to a true believer in another religion. This is how holy wars start. Who (or what) is the real villian here, Franklin? Figure that one out and get back to me, and prehaps we can all share a non-secular dinner together some day.
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Why would we die? We enjoy life, heaven is just auxiliary, unlike you Christian fundies.
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*gives a big big big hug to Franklin*
‘cmon, my dear pirates, all he need is some love. He can’t help it that nobody loves him and that he’s brainwashed.
Franklin, may the lord touch you with his appendages,
RAmen
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Your post contains prejudice against gay men, sluts, and straight women who enjoy sex with fathers. Fathafuckers should have been included in your post as well. This is a terrible affront to all of us lesbians who are proud muthafuckers and straight people who like sex with mothers. Its terrible and inconsiderate. I deserve an apology.
The flying dinner comment is true. You’re just going to have to, pardon the pun, suck it up and deal with it, Franklin. You’re a big boy now wearing big boy pants and everything. Try to act like one.
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you are stupid if you honestly think people who follow this church really give a fuck about what you have to say. go get a life dumbass. I love the FSM cause he makes you a pirate and he tastes great and im drunk so im going to go eat some fucking spaghetti.
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@ Scimmia (#13)
Scimmia, based on your careful analysis of the etymology of BULLFUCK and MOTHAFUCKERS, I agree that my score for the use of these compound words was far too high (my post #2). These expressions are likely descriptive of ritualistic tribal behaviors as you suggest. They may even border on pre-symbolic language consisting of gutteral grunts and shrieks as is observed with baboons and other lower primates.
If, as you speculated, Franklin finds the use of these words reassuring and soothing, we should be grateful. The only alternative is to shoot him with a tranquilizer-loaded dart, capture him, feed him yellow capsules, and lock him safely away in a basement cell of the Arkham Asylum for the Stupidly Demented.
Keeping him captive in the Arkham Asylum should be considered only as a temporary measure until we can arrange to have him stuffed and mounted and placed on display in the Smithsonian.
May our Noodly Lord continue to grant you peace and health,
-FN-
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Frankly, Franklin, that was a frankly rubbish post.
Must try harder.
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What, no oars! It not be a proper hate mail without a threat to shove an oar up some orifice.
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Ah, I have to admit that I truly love the retorts that exist here. I have to wonder if the same level of intellectual communication occurs on Christian websites. Kind of doubt it. If I’m not mistaken, isn’t Franklin
a turtle? Don’t seem to recall the foul language though.
As for this Jesus turning water into wine; if I’m not mistaken it happens in the Napa Valley on a daily basis. Crushed grapes (mostly water), yeast, a container and time. Voila! Wine. Just about anybody can do it. It’s been happening in France and Italy for years so what’s the big deal?
So tell me Franklin the turtle. What’s bullfuck? Are you into some weird bovine fornication thing or what? I know that some Christians are into tight knit family units so that might explain the mothafuck you mentioned.
Sounds a bit rude to me. Does your dad know about this? Are you still going to marry your sister? It’s okay. If later you get divorced she’s still your sister. As for the flying dinner, I take it you’ve never been in a food fight. Who throws a cupcake? Now really?
You might want to get your capslock key fixed. It looks like you’re shouting and pirates don’t tend to take being shouted at all that well.
Manners are very important.
Are you suggesting to us to go die? I hate to break it to you but eventually everyone does this. Don’t really know why but it seems to be the trend so telling us to go die is just a trifle redundant don’t you think?
I’m curious though. It’s my curse. Are you really that offended by us? We’re nice people here. We try not to hurt anyone and love pasta and beer. What’s so bad about that? Good food and good ale makes people happy. You do want people to be happy don’t you?
I saw that you noticed a similarity in the looks of our Lord and a fine pasta dish. I’m sure that this is just a coincidence. At least we know what our Lord looks like. You certainly can’t say the same thing about your Lord after all the first paintings of him or it were done hundreds of years after his or it’s appearance here on earth. With nobody alive to dispute it who’s to say what your Lord looks like. Could just as easily be linguine as a human. Something to think about. I realize that you probably take the “made in the Lords image” seriously but I don’t look anything like Queen Latifah. I’m just saying! Eyes and ears buddy. Eyes and ears. Use these things and think about what they are telling you.
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we are all hypocrites really no matter what religion we belong to, that is clearly expressed here.
Peace people!
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franklin,
Look under the couch and behind the sink. Your meds are exactly where you left them. Double up on them and get back to us. Even though you have the outdated beliefs, we won’t hold it against you and you can go ahead and capitalize your name.
May you find true peace through his noodly love.
RAmen
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Clearly Franklin has spent many hours researching the values of and basis for Pastafarianism. His conclusions are carefully reasoned and well expressed. I’m going to have to engage in some serioius introspection, and potentially re-evaluate my philosophy.
(Psst, Franklin, it’s called sarcasm. Look it up.)
Who lets these people use a computer, anyhow?
RAmen
ET
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Is all the hate mail dipped from the same inkpot? I mean, come guys, show some creativity… Oh well, at least the comments do.
Arrr!
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Sorry enjoi (post #30)… you said “we are all hypocrites really no matter what religion we belong to”
How the heck do you work that one out??? Openly expressed hatred such as Franklin’s is not “hypocrisy”… quite the opposite… let’s at least give him the credit for not hiding behind flowery words!
It’s the “Peace people love thy brother (unless he’s an unbeliever in which case impale him and roast him alive)!” organised religion bullshit that is hypocritical!
Let’s call things by their real names shall we??
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Your post really cracked me up! The verbalisations BULLFUCK and MOTHAFUCKERS certainly consist of primitive guttural vowel sounds and let us sincerely hope that they have had a soothing effect upon the poor tormented individual in question… let us try to understand him before we take drastic measures like “locking him safely away in a basement cell of the Arkham Asylum” or having him “stuffed and mounted and placed on display”… after all it must be really hard for and lonely for him (as the last surviving example of a long-extinct bygone species) to live among a complicated and highly developed society dominated by the more highly evolved members of another species without frequently feeling mentally challenged, confused or threatened.
Actually I’m starting to think that Franklin’s species may be even stranger and more exotic than we suspected… some of the contributors to this section seem to have correctly identified him as being a humanoid turtle. You can watch him at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAK4nzCZEW0 in Italian or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Zf8t-uAzhk&feature=related in Canadian!
Es gibt auch eine Folge vom Serie auf Deutsch (Franklins Riesen-unordnung) am: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaT61Os72j4&feature=related aber ich verstehe alles nicht!
Noch eine Frage für unser Fliegenden Nudeln: warum bist du noch nicht im dem Forum eingetreten? Ich sehe das du machst so viele Kontributionen an die „main pages“ aber warum bist du nicht noch ein „member“?? Komm darein, es ist zehr einfach!
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Chapter 9
Former President George W. Bush was lying in a hammock nestled between two trees at his ranch in Crawford, Texas drinking a Margarita and lost in reverie.
“Stupid assholes” , he thought. “Got this one wrong, just like all the other ones,” and chortled to himself.
“Everybody thinks I’m an idjit, but I’ve outsmarted ’em all”, he mumbled to himself, and took another swig from the ice cold drink, licking the salt from the rim of the glass.
“ Assholes never put 911 together now did they”. Sure there were people who thought he and his cohorts deliberately demolished the World Trade Center and the Pentagon with planted charges organized by a vast conspiracy to start the terrorism war. “Shit, it was staring ‘em right in the face and they missed it. Dumb fuckers.”
When the National Daily Intelligence briefing crossed the President’s desk while he was on vacation in Crawford in August 2001, he called Cheney, and they decided between themselves to simply do nothing.
As Bruce Springsteen said, “Stand Back and Let It All Be”, that was all they did. They knew it was coming, and decided to let it happen, that was all it took. Then they said “Who’da thunk it?”
Perfect way to pave the way for everything they did. “Christ, we were brilliant. The nation rallied behind me, all I had to do was stand on top the rubble with a bull horn and put my arm around a firefighter, and they gave me everything I wanted, no questions asked: Six trillion in tax cuts for my people, rich people; a war in Iraq; expanded powers to tortures and wiretap; supreme court justices; deregulation and a bail out when the bubble burst so my people couldn’t lose, gave me everything. Even when the 911 report came out and they knew we were warned, they never figured out we deliberately let it happen, stupid fuckers! Who gives a fuck if I left unpopular, I made money for my partners as they said in the Godfather, and nobody caught on.“
And now his people were taking care of him royally. Bush took another swig from his Margarita, put his hat over his face and took a nap.
Chapter 10
“They think the father is that dumb fucking hockey player,” thought Crystal Calan, “When actually it is The Dark Lord. I did Satan and I’m having his child, who will rule Earth for a 1000 years!” She then opened her pill fob and took her three anti-psychotic meds whose dosage had recently been doubled by her psycho-pharmacologist.
Chapter 11
In any number of expensive hotels throughout the country, vagrant foul-smelling men with long, stringy hair were walking up to the front desk, typically in the early morning hours, and announcing they were Jesus Christ returning to judge the living and the dead, and demanding the best suite in the house for the duration.
Depending on the religious world view of the front desk clerk, they either wound up in jail for vagrancy, or were given the keys and shown to their suite –much to the chagrin of daytime management who were left with the distasteful task of having to evict “Jesus” and have him dragged by police through a crowded lobby while he screamed profanities at the top of his lungs.
Chapter 12
Not every wave of Ascensions went as smoothly as others. In Mississippi, a wave of approximately 15,000 Rapture Christians began ascending just as a Hurricane Neal, a category 3 storm began crossing the Gulf Coast. The resultant debris field of severed limbs, heads and torsos was even more extensive than the one caused by the explosion of the Space Shuttle over Dallas, Texas. Body Parts were found in trees as far away as Tennessee over the ensuing days after those Rapture Christians ran into one of nature’s buzz saws.
From the upcoming novel “Glad to Be Left Behind” by neal
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I still do not understand why the vast majority of the “FSM Skeptics” are so full of rage, and threaten violence so easily. They are a seething mass of hatred, ready to destroy anything or anyone that doesn’t agree with them. Why can’t they just relax? It’s not like we’ve done anything to them. And for that matter, neither has their god, so what are they all so afraid of?
*sigh*
Going to get a beer. Hopefully from a stripper.
RAmen
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surely that jesus (made of bread) is also a dinner?
so the only difference is that ours can fly. looks like we win hands down.
and BTW, what’s bullfuck?
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I wonder if Franklin’s last name is Palin, Coulter or Limbaugh…
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I think “Use of CAPS” got too high of a score, since he managed to type his name in lower-case letters. Where he also managed to forget to capitalize his name. I propose dissection.
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*Sniff* I like you guys! You crack me up one side and down the other!
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Wow,
and this is what kids are taught by parents and pastors these days?
Im so glad I havent been infected by the bible……
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Lol you’re kinda dumb TC, you believe in the same thing, you just think it looks different XD
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Somebody needs a hug.
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I love these people that tell us all to die, I am honestly offended. They must hate us so much, because if we were to all die and go to their heaven and all of this…that would not be a comfortable conversation for us to have with their god.
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I am not sure from what (burning ?) bush you were creeping out, but beside the poor language: fucking bulls can be quite dangerous. I know that some desert nomads preferring intercourse with “sometimes male, sometimes female, sometimes camel” but with Bulls ??
And the ‘MUTHAFUCKERS’ (spelling ?) there is a famous motherfucker who as part of the holy trinity who had impregnated as holy spirit his own mother to bear himself … but this is another religion not the FSM doctrine.
So what evidence do you have for your specific religion ?
Any proof of your specific God, like photo, his name Yahweh written into DNA, or the 10 commandments written in miles huge letters on the moon ??
Nothing ?!
Here the proof of the church of the FSM, his noodly deity who leave his own image imprinted from tiny microscopic protein structures up to 300,000 light-years huge galactic structures existing for 100 million years.
Protein resembles FSM: http://www.venganza.org/2008/09/19/protein-resembles-fsm/
Galactic FSM : http://space.newscientist.com/article/dn14573-galactic-spaghetti-monster-powered-by-magnetic-fields.html?DCMP=ILC-hmts&nsref=news1_head_dn14573
So now repent your FSM blasphemy !
Donate us all your money, so we can scarify some parmesan cheese and oregano for his FSM holiness.
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Awww. C’mon now. Have a big fat bowl….
of noodles.
with sauce.
and cheeeeeeese.
RaMen.
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Note: Using all caps, using funny-sounding madeup swears, and speaking “gangsta” all make you sound ridiculous and make us wonder just how your parents raised you.
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Wow. It’s special people like you, Mr. Franklin, that cause me to lose faith in the human race more and more frequently.
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Like the old saying goes: “You can give a crazy man a keyboard, but you can’t teach him proper capitalization.”
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