This is a complete mockery of god. You all are going to hell for that.
P.S Don’t even think that a Damned spaghetti thing made-up by an asshole will save you.
-T
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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Hehe. Hell. Funny. I don’t know about you, but being in the same place as the Christian “god” for more than 10 minutes without a suitable means to make him pay for all the evil and pain he has caused (according to your own bible, that is) would be worse than any “hell” I could end up in. Chances were i’d be going there anyway, so i’d rather go out on a high. ;P
Eternal damnation, or eternity with egotistical, hypocritical, mass-murderer-supporting, ‘holier-than-thou’ people and their mass-murdering “god”.
Mm, i’ll take the fire and what-have-you.
After all, you can’t cook pasta without fire! ;)
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Oh, it seems your imaginary friend is upset by our little bit of fun … what a shame.
ramen
p.s. The ’spaghetti thing’ will save us and deliver us to the beer volcano and strippers.
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“This is a complete mockery of god.”
Well, religion in general actually.
“You all are going to hell for that.”
Um no. Hell only exists in your dumb religion.
“P.S Don’t even think that a Damned spaghetti thing made-up by an asshole will save you.”
Why not? If you can believe in an invisible man in the sky we can believe in whatever we want to. Fair is fair. And by the way. We don’t go around calling the originator of your religion an asshole so where do you get off in doing that to us, you sanctimonious, useless, arrogant, stupid, uneducated, mouth-breathing, dyspeptic, impotent, lily livered, short dicked, inbred, waste of food?
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“I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints / the sinners are much more fun.”
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Don’t mock my religion T! I don’t make fun of your fake god, now do I?
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I think belief in God makes a mockery of human beings. Thankfully, the corner has been turned and more and more people are waking up to the fact that they have been lied to.
You may discover that to T. Do a little research into Christianity and you will be left dumbstruck at how the church pulled off the greatest con-trick in history and that illeducated people let them.
There is no God, Hell or Heaven.
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“-T”
Your comment is a complete mockery of his noodly highness-ship. No need to panic though, the exulted one is unlikely condemn you (all!) to “hell”, as I expect he would consider that excessive, after all he encourages each any every one of us to express the ideas which have formed within our brains as a result of the information we have been exposed to.
P.S Don’t even think that a Damned generic religious figurehead made-up by an asshole, (or indeed “another person”) will save you.
Tyler
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You spotted the spoof. Well done! You must be several IQ points ahead of the average Christian. And you can spell, too – simple words, anyway.
And yes, if your nasty, vengeful god existed, we would indeed all go to hell. He has no sense of humour.
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If you won’t be there, it would be worth it.
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10 out of 10 for observation. O out of 10 for sense. There is no hell. This is all there is. (Yep, and I tell 5 year olds there is no Santa, too. Mean aren’t I?)
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So tolerant these Christians with their all loving God, eh?
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You are such a loving and tolerant Christian. There is no evidence for the FSM but that is much more evidence than there is for any other ‘G’od.
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This is a complete mockery of god
There is no hell to go to
You’re a fool!
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Dear -T,
So, in addition to misogynic, warmonger, ethnic-cleanser and (long list of adjetives here) your god completely lacks the slightest sense of humor. Oh boy, yet another nice attribute to tick off. What a dumb religion your parent chose for you. I almost feel sorry.
So, I’ll tell you what, you heathen: you will be drinking stale beer in MY hell! How about that plan? Unless of course, you resent from your sins and embrace the only truth. The FSM awaits you with his noodly appendages wide open. Repent!! The end is near!!
While of course, I’ll be sitting at the bar side by side with the great FSM (pesto rosso be upon him) drinking beer like two Irishmen. And shall I not feel ashamed in his mighty presence!
Arrrrr
Keyser Soze
PS: and by the way, don’t you think that if you didn’t re-elected you president (which who your god seems to phone to his direct line every sunday) the world today would not be in this miserable condition? This may say a thing or two about you god knowledge of economics, don’t you think? He doesn’t seem a good advisor to me!
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In reply to “-T”
-I totally agree with everything you say, except for the “asshole” part.
-Interesting how you capitalize “Damned,” but not “god.”
-Anyway, what’s your point?
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I FEEL LOVED BY THEE, T. Thank you for showing how xtains treat others that differ from them.
Pasta be with you,
Drunken Dogg
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A complete mockery of who? We are all going where? If you had any intelligence at all, you would realize that what you said sounds like this to us… “This is a complete mockery of the ginger bread man. You are all going to sesame street for that. P.S. Don’t even think that a really cool Flying Spaghetti Monster thing made-up by a really cool guy will save you”. Oh and also does “T” stand for Terribly inbred piece of crap from the armpit of America that never learned to read before graduating form the third grade? Just curious.
RAmen to you… you white trash, trailer living, pork-n-bean eating out of the can retard.
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Hi Carolyn,
“People who have faith are not crazy, dillusional, or using religion as a crutch.”
It’s not a requirement but try taking a look at some of the hate mail here.
Not delusional? In my opinion you are, as you put blind faith over evidence
Not using religion as a crutch? I’ve seen too many missionaries trying to convert people when they’re at their lowest to believe that.
“I don’t understand why people like you make fun of the single concept that believing in God comes down to–love. That’s all it’s really about.”
I have the love of real people in my life, I don’t need supernatural love.
“Making a mockery of something people feel passionate about is kind of a waste of time.”
Not when it comes to fighting the teaching of religion as science it isn’t.
“Some things don’t have to make sense to you to be true.”
But it helps and there should be some observable evidence to base things on.
“I feel bad that you have gotten yourself so deep into this FSM thing and are surrounded by people who agree with you.”
Feel bad, we’re quite happy with it. I feel bad you’re surrounded by Christians who agree with you.
“I believe in what the Bible offers me because it all has a single underlying message: to be a pure and loving person. Although I’m not always, I want to strive to be…and this makes my life happier.”
I’m a humanist, I believe in being a good and loving person. It’s similar except I don’t rely on a preachers to tell me what good and loving mean, I came up with my own standards. I don’t always get there either.
“If you were to see a slideshow of your entire life, would you truly feel pride?”
Yes
“Would you see yourself with images of sharing positive and happy emotion with others that isn’t based on making fun of Religion?”
The two aren’t linked. I do the former with no reference to the later.
“Someday you will come to a point where you’ll know the Truth”
Some day I’ll die and cease to be, knowing I lived a good life, a fun life and above all my life. Be careful, you may reach your death bed realising you wasted so much time believing in the lies of preachers.
Return from Tomorrow – I checked it out on Amazon, there are copies available from available from $0.01. I’m not into near death literature.
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Ignore the last post, wrong thread *blushes*
Admin, please delete this and the last if you can
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Yay for hell! Another loving Christian. I wonder, will the FSM give him stale beer for such blasphemy?
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Why did you capitalize Damned?
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Dear troll,
.
You didn’t capitalize the name of your jew-zombie overlord, so that probably makes you a blasphemer under the xian belief system. Don’t quote me on that because I got kicked out of catholic school in 4th grade for my stubborn refusal to be indoctrinated. But most trolls seem to remember to capitalize that one.
.
Also, shouldn’t your “hell” be capitalized, since if you believe it is a place we are all going to, it is a proper noun? Proper nouns are capitalized in English.
.
If you had a modicum of intelligence, you would realize we are mocking the Intelligent Design theory, and assholes like you.
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We are not mocking God. We are mocking YOU.
RAmen
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How dare you to call our religion a mockery!
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If I am going to hell it wont be for believing in the Fsm
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This is a complete mockery of the FSM. You are going to the land of stale beer volcanoes and stripper factories producing STD ridden strippers.
P.S Don’t even think that a Damned two thousand year old carpenter thing made up by people in the desert will save you.
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I think you’ll find you lot do a good enough job of making a mockery of god for us to even bother.
And boy are you gonna be disappointed when you get to your heaven only to find cherubs playing harps while we’re larging it up in our stripper factories and beer volcanoes.
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why is the fsm so hard to believe? it’s no more or less plausible than the fairytale you believe, and it’s alot more forgiving. plus, why do we need to be saved?
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This is a complete mockery of the FSM. You all are going to drink stale beer for that.
P.S Don’t even think that a Damned old guy made-up by an asshole will save you.
See. Doesn’t feel to good does it?
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NO! It be your foul blasphemy that be the mockery of `is Noodlyness. I advise yeself to be convertin’ now, afore ye have ta spend eternity with ugly strippers and machrobrews.
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Prove he wont save us.
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Well Hell may be heaven after all. First of all there no such thing as a prick like you there, and secondly there are some theories that pretend the hellfire would in fact be red hot spaghetti sauce, which would explain the eagerness to commit crime in italian mafia, who all want to get there. And because of religion, we know that all theories can be regarded as equally true without a shred of evidence for them, so I’ll pick this one.
.
I’m looking forward to the Noodly spaghetti sauce!
.
RAmen, peace and pastas.
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If God is how Christianity/Judaism describes him… send me to Hell, so I can stay away from that murdering idiot.
P.S. Sorry you don’t understand proven science. It’s so sad.
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Hello Mr T “you crazy fool” as I believe you are fond of saying. Has it occurred to you that people who don’t accept these superstitions don’t accept the hell part of these superstitions?
Its rather like me saying to you that an angry Leprechaun is going to do bad things to you. You can’t disprove the existance of Leprechauns but I suspect that you are shrewd enough to be as scared by this idea as I am by your laughable hell idea.
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Which “god”? Would you be more specific? There are 100’s of gods. Which one are you referring to?
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FSM will save us all
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Not quite spot-on champ, it is a complete mockery of having the Bible being taught as science in schools. If you can’t grasp the difference we don’t have much hope for you. However you might want to Wikki the word “Irony” and see what you get.
. There is also the question of ” saved from what?” there is not imperical evidence of hell either
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Why, o why, are they even to stupid to read the letter or even the site?
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Yes I mock God, yes I despise God. I deny God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
So there!
Now god….if you are so all powerful, I dare you….come do something about me, because I will spend my whole life teaching against you!
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You forgot to capitalize the “G” in god. Now your going to hell too!
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I don’t mock god, I merely point out how fallible, wrong, and unlikely he is to exist, while laughing at die-hard believers.
I won’t go to hell when I die, because that would require hell to exist. I’m going to a place in the sky with lots of neat stuff and smart people. You get to go to the retard room in the sky at best, if you’re right.
I don’t think that a spaghetti thing made by an asshole is going to save me.
I think that a spaghetti-like creation created by a potentially rude and selfish prophet will rescue many of us.
Big differences, you see? Such a misguided individual. He could probably use a noodly hug, and maybe 2 or 3 seconds without the FSMs help to keep him aground.
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Don’t even think that a Damned “old man in the sky” thing made up by a bunch of Jews who’ve been dead for 2000 years will save you.
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“This is a complete mockery of god. ”
Yes. How very clever of you to figure that out. Or did someone help you?
“You all are going to hell for that.”
Not true. We get along nice with each other. We don’t kill, we don’t steal, we are all good people. You, however, are whimsically damning people to hell for not believing in your religion. That’s not nice at all.
“P.S Don’t even think that a Damned spaghetti thing made-up by an asshole will save you.”
Well.. I’m betting Jesus would’ve put it a little nicer. I’ll meet Jesus in the afterlife and he’ll be like, “Dude, *this* beer volcano is the best one. Trust me, I’ve tried them all.”
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This is a complete mockery of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. You are going to drink stale beer and watch ugly strippers for that.
P.S Don’t even think that a Damned god thing made-up by an asshole will save you.
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Oh the title was refeering to him mocking our god !
Well we’ll see in the after life who was right ( us for sure , but we don’t mind … I’ll invite you to drink some volcano beer and party with our pirates friend while watching the stripers ;) ) !
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Yar, T. Ye need not even be thinkin’ that ye be needin’ salvation! The beer volcano an’ stripper factory be for all! And if ye be endin’ up with “lite” beer eruptions and a stripper factory wi’out implants, I’ll be glad to ask mine to pull double time for a while, just for ye.
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Yar, Johnny here be havin’ trouble wi’is words. A’course he be knowin’ that ye can’t ask a beer volcano to pull double time! Aye, ‘t’was a silly mistake to make, I know, but I be assumin’ that my volcano’ll be providin’ more than enough pale ale for me and ye t’be drinkin’. I hopes ye caught m’meanin’ the first time.
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Please specify which of the many gods you are speaking about.
The site is all about worship and deference to God, who, of course is known as The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
And if you have spaghetti coming out of your asshole, you really should see a doctor. ASAP.
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Depends if im starving. I hear Bobby makes a mean pasta dish or two
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And your point is…?
PC
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What is Hell? Is that some make-believe thing from this person’s fantasies?
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Most religious people who are also literate at an adult level think that both god and hell are proper nouns and therefore capitalised. I would also question the hyphenation of ‘made-up’, but it’s only a secondary issue.
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Where does it ever say that God shall not be mocked. Why would an almightly lord ever want to send us good people to Hell because we believe he is a FSM. I mean would you care if I called you a FSM!?! No, because your an ass that was brainwashed as a kid to believe in somthing that if he didn’t you’d be punished, and you believe your so better than us that you dont really give a shit. So why the hell would a higher being actually care what we call him!?! He only cares how we worship him, and how does FSMism make us bad people!?! It doesn’t. If anything its only made a positive inpact on thousands of lives makeing a larg community of people happier as we live our lives honestly.
Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster: “Damn it thats twice I’ve lost immortality!”
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Omg hell. Because parodies must be punished in the most draconian way, am I right?
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Oh shit, now I finally know that I’ll go to hell for mocking god [sic, lower case G]. Please tell me which god I’ve been mocking (Thor, Jupiter, Zeus, or one of the other 3,000 or so gods). I’ll immediately cease my mockery because I sure don’t want to go to hell with at least two-thirds of the earth’s current population of over six billion.
Thanks for the warning, T. I suppose the T stands for Thoughtful, or maybe Theologically correct, or maybe just Turdbrain. It certainly doesn’t stand for Temperate.
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He already has saved me.
Wow, another Xian damns us to hell. What else is new? I am sure his Noodliness will take that into account when you try to enter the stripper factory.
And for that matter, your own religion damns all who prejudge others. Judging is not for you to do, according to your own religion. Nigh on a mortal sin.
In noodliness we trust.
Brian
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“This is a complete mockery of god.”
Aye, matey, ’tis
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Save us? From what? I like fire. It’s pretty.
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T,
I used to be afraid of going to Hell for not believing in God (it says that in the Bible, you know), but I finally stumbled upon a line of reasoning that comforted me; maybe it will comfort you too (but I doubt it). If there is no God, there is no Hell, and so no one can go there no matter what they did in life. If there is a benevolent God (as the Christian God is claimed to be) then no one who is generally good (follows the law, is nice to people, etc.) will go to Hell, and even if a person does go to Hell, the punishments they experience there will be equal to or lesser then their crimes on Earth – seeing as I love spaghetti, I really wouldn’t mind of people decided to worship it instead of me, so I’m OK there. This line of reasoning leads me to conclude that any who God who would sentence anyone to eternal hellfire (let alone a law-abiding person like me) cannot be benevolent, and if God exists and is not benevolent, then everyone (including you, T) is in a whole lot of trouble, because there is no way of conclusively knowing or controlling who gets into Heaven or Hell – for all you know, everybody but Mormons, or virgins, or virgin Mormons with green eyes go to Hell. Bummer; I guess I’ll see you there, T.
Well, here’s hoping that if there is a God, he’s benevolent (like the FSM). RAmen.
-Sarah
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Mockery? No, but it sure does point out the absurdities of other religions. If you can’t see that, then I guess you won’t understand a lot of what exists here.
I can’t go to hell, or any other place that doesn’t exist for that matter. There is no god, heaven, or hell. Sorry to be the one to tell you. They are all faith based beliefs to compensate for fear or lack of knowledge. I understand it must be quite frightening for you to even think of no heaven, but this is all we have. Make the best of it!
I will not need saving either, for there is nothing i need to be saved from. I do find spaghetti quite tasty though.
har har
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and the original post was a complete mockery of common sense.
lets be honest, more wars are over comflict in religious beliefs, which are in direct contrast with what the standards of the belief that you should love thy neighbor…but not too much loving or it is adultery
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In his noodly appendage I pray for you friend
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Your god sends people to hell for mocking people who use him as an excuse to be jerkwads?? Well that doesn’t sound right!
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“Asshole”. How Christan of you.
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The entire glory and gratification in T’s belief system is that he or she believes in eventually getting the satisfaction of watching the non-believers suffer in the fire below. It’s such a waste of a human intellect… such a terrible waste.
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Of course it will!. It will also save you, but you must repent first, and give me some money.
He spoke to me and told me you should. Or he will smite you.
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If god didn’t want to be mocked he shouldn’t be so mockable.
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Don’t you find it ironic that your god needs fallible human beings to spread his word? Furthermore, don’t you find it odd that your cult needs the fear of damnation to convert people into it or keep people chained to it? I don’t know about you but I don’t take threats to kindly (real or imaginary). To hell with all you doomsday cultists. Piss off!
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Does “-T” mean Taliban?
PS: Don’t even think that a damned Jesus-thing made up by an asshole will save you!
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This is unbelievable
All ihave to say is no life sons of bitchs!
spaghetti monster.
well how would they make a spaghetti monster
when that word is created by humans its a food substance for crying out loud.
simply unbelievable
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“Don’t even think that a Damned spaghetti thing made-up by an asshole will save you”
This is a complete mockery of our god! You are going to have flat beer forever!
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We have faith that he will save us. We know him to be the only true God, because we have a picture.
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THIS IS A COMPLETE MOCKERY OF FSM!!!
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1. Look up “satire” in the dictionary.
2. I don’t believe in “God”.
3. Don’t believe in “Hell” either.
4. It’s actually a mockery of people like you.
5. Calling someone names doesn’t exactly make you look clever.
6. Though well done on keeping the caps lock off, just need to watch out for those pesky proper nouns.
Ramen
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Any god that would send me to he’ll for this would deserve to be mocked. Fortunately we don’t believe in such hateful things. I’ve read your Bible and ours and I think the wrong guy has the Monster title.
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How very Christian of you. I thought forgiveness was in your little guidelines for life. Your Christ is weeping over what his believers have become.
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And how exactly will he feel about your failure to capitalize his name?
.
I mean, he is known for a nasty temper that leads to killing innocent women and childen for the heck of it over far less offenses.
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As a mockery of any god or gods, it is far from complete. The scope for mocking the idiocy of theists is almost infinite, in large part due to the po-faced comedy acts they call religion.
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Au contraire my hot-headed friend. I will be drinking from the beery volcanoes in the afterlife, comfortable in the knowledge that I backed the right horse.
What on earth makes you think that the Flying Spaghetti Monster (may you be touched by his noodly appendage) is made up?
RAmen
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Tisk, tisk, T. How can Noodly Goodness be a mockery of a god? Especially if said Noodly Goodness is the only reasonable explanation for gravity- the flawed God-of-the-Bible conveniently ignores everything about this. Therefore He is false, and therefore the FSM must be real, it is only logical!
PS: Hell does not exist, I know of no passage in the Gospel of the FSM- his very Holy Word!- that suggests that it does. Which should be enough proof for anyone.
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I’m just left wondering how long T’s god spent designing assholes, presumably you would need to design one specific to each creature, taking account of body size, volume and consistency of waste matter, internal and external pressure differences and so forth. Must have taken ages; if the Intelligent Design people are right it means that their supreme being has thought about and designed thousands and thousands of assholes down to the finest detail. Including hemorrhoids. I understand that there are no hemorrhoids preserved in the fossil records, and I find it difficult to see what evolutionary advantage they provide. Is it any wonder that Christians see their gods hand in the creation of hemorrhoids?
All things considered, I’d rather be touched with a noodly appendage.
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Where is hell and what attractions do they have there? I like water parks.
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Yes it is. No we are nor because hell does not exist.
Perna de Pau
P.S. We do not, don’t worry. By the way you are the asshole.
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This is a complete mockery of the FSM. You will not get to see the stripper factory.
P.S Don’t even think that damned Jesus chancer made up by assholes will save you.
This is just to easy to mock isnt it.
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Wrong, this is not a complete mockery of god. We are rapidly growing.
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a mockery of god huh? you don’t say. haha. you really have no intellegence do you. what did you assume this was? A cooking site. ah. religious ignorace never ceases to amaze.
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Oh, I don’t think it’s all *that* complete…
“This is a complete mockery of the Spaghetti Monster. You are NOT going to see strippers or drink from the beer volcanoes for that.
P.S. Don’t even think that a damned sky-dad-son-cloud-three-in-one thing made up by an asshole will save you.”
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That is not an argument.
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Actually T, we’re just mocking YOU.
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Didn’t know that consigning us to hell was your job, T. Thought that was the job of your god.
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Bingo! This is a complete mockery of God. As for hell it sucks cuz its so hot!
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“This is a complete mockery of god.”
I would agree. I know that’s not the intent of the website, but I do agree and I like it!
“You all are going to hell for that.”
Eh! According to your religion I’ll be going there either way and since it’s only religious people that believe in hell I don’t have a problem with that!
Enjoy Purgatory!
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No…this is a complete mockery of people like you. God…if there is one…has to have a sense of humor. Afterall, it made people like you.
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I won’t be the one suffering strippers with VD and stale beer! Yarrr! May the sauciest believer be rewarded.
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The flying spaghetti monster cannot be damned. He can damn, but he doesn’t. He’s far too kind to do that sort of thing.
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1. Correct.
2. Probably not.
3. From what?
Strippers and beer for everyone!!
Ramen
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I do not see how you can say that comment, by saying that does that not condem yourself to hell. pasgals wager – you got nothiing to loose only to gain so how can you get at someone for believing something even if you/them and many others see it to be a mockery :S
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what are you talking about? it already saved me.
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Well, it’s a good thing we have a Flying Spaghetti Monster to save us, rather than a Damned spaghetti thing. Also, assuming by god you mean the Judeo-Christian God, in the “Ten Commandments” it tells you to never make a carved image of God, so you have no idea what your God looks like. How do you know that He isn’t actually the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
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Mock! Mock, mock, mock, mock. Moooooock! Mock, mock, mock!
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Shouldn’t you be spelling god with a capital “G”?
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FSM is not made by the asshole. That’s where It *leaves* the body, somewhere between the antipasti, the carne and the dolci, possibly supplemented by a ristretto. The latter, though, prefers to leave via another channel.
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Weak.
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“A complete mockery of god”?
Why yes, yes it is. Observational skills truly staggering here. Oh and at least I award MY God the luxury of capital letters in His title – The Flying Spaghetti Monster…can you say the say the same?
“You all are going to hell for that”
I doubt that. Note also the lack of capital letters AGAIN. I believe the appropriate order of words would be – You ARE ALL going to Hell for that.
Touched by His Noodly and clearly pwning Appendage
RAmen
P.S. Awk damn, I just thought it… Better one asshhole than a multitude I say :P
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You’re a tool.
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Chapter 8
Sarah Calan was fastened by the strap to the Alaskan National Guard’s only Huey which they kept to defend their homeland in case Mr Sputum of Russia decided to rear his head and cross over into Alaskan airspace. Little Tripe was held by her eight month pregnant daughter who was securely belted in while mommy hung half outside the chopper training her high powered rifle on a pack of grey wolves while Wagner’s Ride of the Valkiries played on the vehicles loudspeakers. Govenor Calan was pissed. Not only did she and her running mate, Senator McFeign get stomped in the general election, but neither her nor anyone in her family had been lifted up into heaven. Damn it, she was being “Left Behind’. Talk about a cruel irony. Well today she was taking it out on an endangered species. Screw the environmentalists, they’ll have bigger fish to fry than worrying about some viscious scavenger, and they won’t care about the grey wolves either, she thought to herself.
Chapter 9
“Where did they go?” President Bahamma asked the head of NEA.
“Mr President, we lost track of the swarm after they passed the moon. Apparantly, sunlight does not reflect off the buttocks or the Rapture Christians to the extent we thought it did, so they will remain invisible as they continue their journey.”
“I wonder if there’s a sign out there past Pluto that reads “Heaven, 15 billion Parsecs” with an arrow pointing the way?”
That was the question of the National Science Advisor, Dr Dawkings. Kinda sarcastic, thought the President, but he was needed in the room nonetheless;
“So, let me get this straight,” said President Bahamma, “The Albedo of the buttocks or the Rapture Christians, isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?”
“Precisely, Mr President” both Nea and Science Advisor chimed in unison
From the Upcoming Novel “Glad To Be Left Behind” by neal
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Just when I thought we Pastafarians were doing so well. Now it looks like we’re doomed. Dang!
Pass the pasta and grog.
RAmen
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God and Hell are a complete mockery of modern intelligence.
What if we told you the Spaghetti thing was 2000 years old and defined by people who never saw it?
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No, THIS is a complete mockery of god,
“Ooh look at me I’m god! I expect people to follow a 2000 year old book that has been manipulated horribly through the years – that includes that rape is the woman’s fault and you should stone her to death, and slavery is Oakley dokely, and that you should kill people who go to work on Sunday, (or should you? I have a multiple personality disorder and often contradict my self!) And many many more! — if you don’t follow these rules, I’ll simply force you to suffer for eternity! And with the self contradictions, well that’s your problem not mine! You better follow all of them! (or else.)” No wait, that’s what is true about the biblical god, here is a mockery, “Ooh, look, I am god, I like wearing dresses and smell like a dead goat!” AH-HAHA! I crack me up.
You’re the one whose going to waste the ONLY mortal life you have, and don’t even think that this damned spaghetti thing is going to rescue you if you don’t start being nice.
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hay i think this is a great idea and i dont believe in hell so shuv that up your butt and smoke it! oh ya and isnt swearing a sin? haha i got you you are a freakin hipocrit.
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May the sauce from his noodly appendage splatter hottest and tastiest on those who call others “asshole”.
Sauce be with you.
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You know, I went to a Freedom From Religion Foundation convention this past weekend, and there was no one there as intolerant as you are. Everyone was very happy and welcoming – and when I wore my Pastafarian T-shirt so many people came up and said they are also Pastafarians! C’mon Dude, there is no hell, so get over it. You apparently were born without a sense of humor, irony or fun. Poor you!
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lol@you.
P.S we and our “spaghetti thing” pity you and your pathetic god :)
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Christianity is a complete mockery of god. You all are going to hell for that.
P.S Don’t even think that a Damned Jewish Zombie thing made-up by a bunch og assholes will save you.
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Yes.
Thank you.
Next.
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Do you have any proof that your God exists any more than this one?
No really if you reply I’ll be so shocked.
Anyway, hell has stale beer and below par strippers. It doesn’t sound too bad.
The only thing burning in hell will be tastebuds and itchy burning crotches…
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Have you come to our online church just to mock our God and prophet?
How very dare you?!
Needless to say you’re going to hell for that, and when you do, come to ours because it’s much nicer here than yours.
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He will save us just as much as a damned person thing made up by lots of arseholes will save you
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Yes. Yes it is. And no, no they’re not.
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Much hate, in this one, I sense.
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First of all, that “Damned spaghetti thing” IS god, so saying that this web site is a complete mockery of god (the FSM) is ridiculous. This website in all aspects is honouring and worshiping the FSM.
Secondly, all of us using this website (apart from you obviously) are showing that we honour and worship the FSM simply by logging on every now and then. So none of us will be going to this hell place you speak of.
Thirdly, even if the FSM was “made-up” (which he/she (our lord could be either gender) is not), then it can’t have possibly been made up by an asshole. This is because an asshole is an asshole. It does not have a brain to invent something nor the fingers to type something on a computer.
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I don’t think we mock the Spaghetti Monster. Whatever gave you that idea?
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So…which god exactly?
Hell huh? Must be a Christian then, of course there are many diverging types of Christians as it seems they cant all agree on the details. So which Christian splinter group/cult/god do you belong to? I think I should know which god I should be so worried about. Or I could go on living my life quite happily without someones one and only true god (funny how they can all be right) crammed up me arse!
Long live FSM!
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The lazy xian’s Madlib hate-mail letter:
Identification: Left blank.
Off-handed compliment: Left blank.
Condemnation: One short sentence. Only one typo. (”God” not capitalized. Funny omission, that.)
Bible Quotations: Left blank. (Not even any numbers.)
Threat: One short sentence, no adjectives.
Insult against competing deity: One sentence, one adjective. (At least it’s capitalized for more punch.)
Insult against prophet: Checkbox A checked. No adjectives checked.
Plea to Repent: No check boxes checked.
Really, this is beneath the minimal effort for a stock hate-mail letter. Next time, please follow the instructions and fill out all the text boxes.
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Christianity is a complete mockery of my God! Your not going to hell because of it, but I don’t think you’ll get as much beer as the rest of us!
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There is no conflict between science and the belief in God. There is no conflict in the words of Jesus and Science.
Science is the study of what happened after God initiated the observable universe. The existance of God is as good an explanation as any of the force that disturbed that initial point source singularity to spark the Big Bang. Because of its infinite density, that singularity must be considered rather stable in nature. The collective intelligence of mankind is probably not a strong enough force to solve this problem any other way. If they do come up with a solution or theory it will probably require a lot of faith and be rather lacking in evidence, bring you back to your original problem
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As persuasive as may be your plea to turn to a vengeful and hate-filled controller of destinies with no sense of humor, I can’t find it within my heart, nor my brain, to follow you there.
I can find it within my lunch box, however, to enjoy a lovely pesto-coated noodliness that brings happiness, comfort and a full belly to all who wish it.
I am very un-sorry that your hateful and angry spewage was unsucessful in drawing anyone to your point of view. Also, I am un-surprised. Are you?
aRRRRAmen.
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You are an idiot, go away.
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Always nice to see that christian warmth and love. (”God loves everyone, so long as they don’t have the gall to believe differently from me” Haha… *sigh*)
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Mr. T, thanks for the tip, although you might want to consider that we would rather spend an eternity in hell than spend it with santimonious buttheads like you. I think that having to listen to baseless pap spouted incessantly by complete morons for all eternity sounds like the worst sort of punishment imaginable. Personally, I’d rather have flames shooting out of my eyeballs. It even sounds cooler.
But seriously, I think we both know that’s all a bunch of hooey because I’ll be drinking up at the beer volcano while you have to drink stale beer and clean up after our party.
Ramen!!
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Please don’t use the name of the flying spaghetti monster in vain.
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You can go around and make yourself feel good by criticizing the religious beliefs of others; instead, you should ask yourself how you know what constitutes mockery of an omnipotent being. Because, of course, the Bible can’t be wrong, can it? It can’t be subject to thousands of years of literal, metaphorical, and linguistic translational errors, can it? Of course not! The Bible was never intended to be used as a weapon of intolerance(Falwell, 2002) so I implore you to reconsider your position, lest you find yourself in the metaphorical “hot seat” when your judgement is upon you.
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Don’t even think that a Damned invisible bearded man in the sky thing made-up by an asshole will save you.”
Ya see, I can do it too.
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yes you are right!
only a damned god ade-up by an asshole will save me =]
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Of course it is. It’s supposed to be.
Now suck it up and live with the fact that religion isn’t science and shouldn’t be taught in schools.
You want religion taught? Do it at home.
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Prove to me that your (oops you goofed – lower case) god exists and is not a figment of His Noodley Goodness and I’ll start to worry.
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Frankly, the theory of intelligent design is a complete mockery of intelligence!
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There’s no such thing as god you idiots.
Get offended all you want, but if god were real wouldn’t he get offended and smite the webmaster?
Ya buncha medieval schmucks.
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Yay! I’m being threatened to eternal torment from a complete stranger that worships an all-loving god!
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Which god?
And FSM is very real indeed. There is nothing to be saved from except ignorance – everyone will taste the beer volcanoes in heaven. I will pray that you be touched by His noodly appendage. Ramen!
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Or is God a mockery of the FSM…
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Wrong, god is a mockery of a Flying Spaghetti Monster.
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Okay, I like how Christians harrass everybody who isn’t Christian, then turn around and say that it’s perfectly okay to live the way you want. Can you smell the hypocrisy?
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Blasphemy! You lie, never doubt the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster! You are a mockery to god because apparently in a previous hate mail, you should be a kind person. Anyway, Id rather believe in FSM. The Vatican is nothing but conspiracy using their power to hide secrets and keep people in line.
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Do you have proof.
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Christians say the damnedest things.
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Your god is a mockery of my God. Stop that. It’s not nice.
Don’t you study your “8 I really rather wouldn’ts”? are are you still harping about your prevolved 10 commandments?
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Well…yeah, FSM is the God of mockery, especially god-mockery. And don’t think calling calling him a “damned sphaghetti thing etc” is going to save you.
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Saying that you know what actions will bring salvation or damnation is just as hollow and pernicious as Osama Bin Laden telling his people that flying airplanes into buildings would make them go to heaven.
You self-delusional hypocrite. Get a grip.
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Actually, this “complete mockery” is my belief system. I feel that those of you God worshipers are rather close minded for singling our His Noodliness as a target of your hatred. Why don’t you go after Mohammed or Buddha, or Elvis for crying out loud and leave us alone. Oh, and wait one minute – doesn’t your Bible say “Judge not lest ye be judged” and that only God (with Jesus at his side) will pass said judgment on Judgment Day, sooooo the next question is, who are you to Judge???
Ramen.
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Why do you turn away from the light and love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
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This is a complete mockery of God. We all are don’t believe in hell.
P.S We don’t even think that a damned spaghetti thing made-up by an awesome asshole will save us.
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I feel for you hommie. You can’t accept your death. It might not be your fault. Maybe you’re from the bible belt and have lemmings for parents and are in turn, a lemming yourself, following your creepy family off the cliff. Why do you believe in Christianity when science is almost daily making it more difficult to refute the truth? we evolved (well, some of us). I think you just want to feel like there is life after death. I would LOVE to believe that, but I can’t. Is it my fault? You can’t force yourself to believe in something, and I just CAN’T believe. You wanna know what happens after we die? I’ll tell you right now and you’ll think about it, and realize I’m right. After you die, you go to the same place you were before you were conceived by your lemming parents. Do you remember where you were before that time? NOBODY DOES!!! Thats because they weren’t alive, like you wont be in several years. So, to sum it up. If you’re not in existence before you were conceived, and can’t remember anything, then I think it’s safe to say you didn’t have a soul either. That means your parents created you AND your so-called soul, therefore humans are spirit creators and therefore the true Gods that supply your God with fresh souls to win the war against Satan (which by the way sounds even more ridiculous than a fucking flying spaghetti any day) and he is in humanity’s debt(especially those fuckers on welfare that keep popping out kids…and souls). Now you get it?
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Parody, not mockery. OK, some mockery, but it is not directed at God so much as at the people who would probably embarrass and shame Jesus and his dad (a single parent, by the way) if they were around to hear what his followers (term used loosely, since they seem to be speaking as if they were God) are saying and see what they were doing. Wait! What does the book of Job say happens to people who speak for God?
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T, I agree with you. I really do.
I mock every single zealot, fantatical christian, born again christian or any other person who believes so strongly in an un-proveable(excuse my spelling) diety.
In the words of Terry Goodkind, “Turning away from Reason is treason to one’s self.”
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Mock,mock,mock…wait…which god?
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Oy, Adam: Speak to Eve. She’ll tell ya the FSM (may pesto be upon him) isn’t interested in “saving you”. He’s just floating around (and popping up in various restaurants) to keep you from believing in really weird things (eg: like your mythical best friend can “save you”).
Just be good, be here, be humorous. That’s WAY better than being sent out to throw rocks at your wife or set your son alight.
Peace. AArrrgh – sorry that slipped out.
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You’re just jealous of our fountain of beer and strippers afterlife. It is what you wanted all along and your God won’t give it to you. I find that very sad and I pray that by the FSM you will be touched by His Noodly Appendage. Being so Touched, you will find yourself saved without having to do a shot of Jesus and eating a Hostie.
I hope that one day you will understand how it feels to be saved by Our Noodly Lord. Until then rot in hell, bigot.
Have a nice day!
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We’re not making fun of god. We’re making fun of you. BTW, it’s God, not god. Are you dissing your own deity? You’re in trouble now…
Arg
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@Demi:
Learn to spell. Learn to type. Then study up on the definition of satire, and read the Open Letter. Then shut up and go away.
@Dr. John Steichen:
I’d be very interested in your scientific explanation of how that Jesus fella converted that water into wine, or parted the Red Sea, or any of several other scientifically impossible stunts. I’m also curious about the relationship between stability and density, I can’t seem to recall that particulat theory.
@ negative T
Go jump in the lake. Your opinions are pretty close to worthless in my view. Your judgement is completely worthless, as it appears to be based on something other than reality.
I don’t expect to hear back from any of these folks, anyhow. Throw rocks and run away.
RAmen
ET
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there is absoulotley no evidence to support chritianity or god so y do u say it is a mockery of sumthin that isnt even proved real yet thats like saying if i mock robin hood (there is still debate about he being real or not)and u giving out to me for mocking him would you do that simply because you belive and someone else doesnt its amazing the way christians can just say that things arent real and everyone belives them simply because they are a domanet force in the western world.
RAmen to all
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Why am I hungry for Ramen Noodles???
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I’d like to point out that I have had considerably more sex than you!
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Correction: you’re the one going to hell for not believing in the divine FSM.
RAmen
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i would just like to make a point about hell if i may ..
A thermodynamics professor wrote a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: “Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof.”
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass.
So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in the volume of hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.
So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from me in first year residence. She stated that she would have sex with me “when hell freezes over”. Since I had sexual relations with her last night, condition two above must be true, and thus it can be concluded that condition two is true, and hell is exothermic.
The result of this theory is that since Hell has frozen, it does not accept souls anymore. This leaves us with heaven, which proves the existence of a divine being, may his noodley appendage touch you all, and thus explains why Theresa last night repeatedly screamed “Oh my god!”.
Proof that the great and noodley one is the one and only god to sort of wander along with if you feel like it
arrrrrrgh
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opps .. his noodley appendage changed my text as i typed it , as he does in his most mysterious and unfathomable way and that should have been Endothermic , i think lol darn his noodley appendage , mixing it up like that … grrrrrrrr …
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Which god is being mocked? Ra, Thor, Zeus? There’s way too many to choose from.
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You Need Me.
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Three choices:
1. There is no God, so what does it matter what we joke about?
2. He/She/It does exist, but doesn’t give a damn about what we do.
3. He/She/It does exist, but is either incompetent, sadistic or both, so
the hell with it.
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Dear Mr. ‘T’,
My, what an elaborate, well thought, and watertight argument against our beliefs. I can see no possible rebuttal whatsoever to your comment, Mr. T. I have truly seen the err of my ways. I am flabbergasted, shocked even, that I have not followed the Christian way of peace and truth until now. Certainly you and your esteemed colleagues (both past and future) are welcome here to post your messages of hope, light, and exemplary English grammar.
Thank you,
“Capt’n Squints”
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Brothers and Sisters,
I always felt a special connection, well, ahm… a divine connection between me and my spaghetti plate: as I child, dressed-up as a pirate; I didnt and I couldnt understand this deep link because nobody opened my eyes.
Oh yes, my brothers I was a sinner… However, the FSM monster saved me and huged me with his noodle arms giving me a saucy kiss. RAmen!!!
“´Relgious” friends dont be afraid. The FSM will wait for you with open noodles… dont be afraid you´ll be saved toooooooo. Dress like a pirate and join the FSM.
RAmen
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If heaven is full of pricks like you I think I’d rather be in hell (where the cool folks who believe in the FSM will be hanging out)!
Anyway you fanatics are so boring… can’t you think of something original to say??
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Oooooo I’m so scared, MOMMY!! NO I DON’T WAT TO GO TO HELL!11!!1!1ONE!!1
Awww Poor god does the this remind him of when he was teased in third grade?
Who said I wanted to be saved?
Am I drowning?
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I second Dan. And yes, yes it is.
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Well, we may be mocking god, but you smell funny!
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People like you are the reason ironic religions exist. Ever thought about that?
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I just think it all comes down to breakdancing ability – of which you obviously have none. His Noodly Goodness was the greatest breakdancer of them all and we all relish in his breakdancing ability. Frankly, we’re not interested in any other deity that doesn’t preach breakdancing prowess.
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as billy joel once sang: i’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.
ramen
V
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172 Kason Says:
“Awww Poor god does the this remind him of when he was teased in third grade?”
.
For a supposedly all powerful omnipotent being, this particular god sure seems rather fragile and insecure. Perhaps it’s time its followers had it checked out for NPD (narcissistic personality disorder)
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@ PETE THE PIRATE (#165)
Thanks for the great story. When I took physical chemistry, I never truly understood all of that thermodynamics shit. This analysis clarifies points that I’ve pondered in lonely late-night hours for years. It also gives me hope knowing that hell has indeed frozen over at last and I may get to heaven after all.
If there were any brass monkeys in hell, their balls must be rolling all over the floor.
Keep The Faith Brother Pete,
FLIEGENDED NUDELN, The Airborne Master of the Noodles Cherubim
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#168 Jesus says “You Need Me”
Suger and sh… I just saw this post! Ladies, gentlemen and pirates, Jesus has written in our forum. Well, I’m impressed and will immediately convert to Christianity because
We now have proof he exists (as anything written on the internet must be true)
I need him apparently – I do admit, my moral code based on creating as much happiness as I can in the world just doesn’t thrill me like it used to (the ladies aren’t as keen to let me make them ‘happy’ now I’m getting fatter). So it’s the Xian philosophy of persecuting minorities based on their lifestyles and promoting unsound, unscientific ideology to resolve societies problems.
Cheers Jesus, you just saved me from a life of goodness and guilt free sex!
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TRANSLATION:
This is a complete mockery of god. You all are going to hell for that.
MEANING: “this is not how I was told by my parents and peers of what god must look like, I am confused. I also am not able to understand an internet site. Because you don’t believe what I believe, I’m told that you are going to an imaginary place of which I think I will not go to. Not realizing that, by the real rules of my religion, I probably am.”
P.S Don’t even think that a Damned spaghetti thing made-up by an asshole will save you.
MEANING: “some angry name calling fed by confusion and ‘we vs them’ psychology.”
-T
MEANING: “I am not going to give you my name, because I’m a coward. I’d rather stay anonymous. I don’t really stand behind what I’m saying.”
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You know it’s like when you were a kid and there was this stupid, hyperterritorial dog that was fenced in some nut job neighbor’s yard. All you had to do was walk by and psychpathic mutt would entertain you by trying to chew his way throug the fence to get at you. That what nut jobs like “t” are like. A huge source of entertainment.
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People! why are you wasting your time throwing hate at each other. Can’t we all be doing something to better each other build each other up as fellow human beings. We all have to deal with other problems in the world. We don not need to bother wasting time arguing over this. Whether or not who’s god is the real one, there are things we can be doing to make a difference that do not involve arguing over this. Show some love guys.
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Thank you so much for showing me the way, i love your new thoughts of religion. I now see the path down life, leading me to his noodly love. I would like to see more people join, and see how pirateering will help you along the way. If you do not see the connection between the christian lord and ninjas you are obviously not looking. I would like to state once and for all that pirates outrank ninjas forever, no matter what. I am glad to finally find a home with the great pirate FMS. Thank you.
Love,
Your Daughter’s Kidnapper (if you don’t have a daughter, exactly) gone FMS Worshipper
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but the Flying Spaghetti Monster WILL save us. Your god is just a bunch of crap :/
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@180 Fliegenden Nudeln .. thanks for the compliment my piratey friend , may your sails always be full of wind, i found the “story” in my email one day and ‘lo ! the noodley one gave me a chance to use his wisdom against these poor deluded and what appears to be very insecure christians, hopefully they will learn the errors of their ways and come to the same conclusions i have :) that pasta and meatballs in sauce taste good and that is as much a religious experience that more people should enjoy
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Well I’ve got a back up plan for when I die and if Heaven it real. I’ll confess to God and go to Heaven. But that’s on the slim chance he is real. The FSM is pure fact, I believe don’t you?
RAmen.
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Mock
Mock mock
Mock mock mock. Isn’t that the noise chickens make?
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No… moking god will be a waist of time..
it will be like moking an imaginery frend.
we are moking relligias ppl.. like YOU =]
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Now that’s the love your religion promotes!
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I just don’t see how you posting this could help anything, this does not show the True Love of God in any way, shape or form! No wonder Christians are looked on as such total Hypicrites. We all fall short!
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Its so funny how people get so pissed off about this. But it strikes such a tune I should probably convert from Atheism. I mean FSM won the right to put the deity next to Jesus how can it be fake???
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WOuld somebody please point out to these mental midgets that this isn’t mocking God, but mocking the use of religious explanations for natural phenomena in science classes? Specifically biology. *THAT* is what is being mocked! And so it should be!
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OMG! I worship His Holy Noodleness! I love Pirates! And Harry Potter! I MUST be going to YOUR Hell.
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I would like to something in defense of ninja. While pirates are the awesomest, ninja are really cool in there own respects. Can I get a little love for the ninja? (Still love pirates the best though!)
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pete the pirate: awesome story! thx for posting it!
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MY Philosophy regarding myself as a devout Pastafarian can best be summed up in one holy picture;
Ramen
http://www.nataliedee.com/040506/cat-ass.jpg
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I am very curious about your Deity. If I go to the “Olive Garden” and order the all you can eat Spaghetti, does this mean I have inadvertently shared communion with your God? Does the breaking of the soft bread stick have any symbolic meaning? In creating an image of the tasty Deity, can the eyes be made of black olives?
If you are of Italian descent, does that make you pastafarian by birth, or is it necessary to always convert?
I don’t mean any disrespect, just honest questions.
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This is stupid. I’m a christian, and this religion is rediculous.
Keep it up.
I can’t help but laugh when I read these posts by people who are offended. FSM is the most amazing thing that I have seen in quite a while. And, if it is capable of pissing off crazy religious types, I’m ready to convert.
Kudos, FSM. Kudos.
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I stumbled upon this site because of a button I saw on Northern Sun. I’ve done my research on religion and have spent time talking to everyone from atheists to zoroastrians. I was born catholic and I was happy till about 15 when I started to question it. I don’t know if I’ve ever come across the right religion but Pastafarianism makes the most sense to me. If for no other reason than it pisses people off and that’s always a good thing.
May his noodly appendage keep you safe for all time.
V
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@197 flemish girl, thanks :) im glad you enjoyed it :) one must do what one can to help the unenlightened lol for does it not say , on some wall somewhere , before enlightenment, eat meatballs and pasta in sauce. After enlightenment , eat meatballs and pasta in sauce …
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I just watched a video on YouTube entitled ‘Attention Texas Voters’. All followes of the FSM should watch it immediately and set to work. Shocking.
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Let’s give ourselves a pat on the back. A COMPLETE mockery means we were 100% effective. Go Pastafarians!
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OMG (pardon the pun) I just stumbled across this site. Pastafarians..LOL.
You have made my day. You even have emblems for cars and such. This may catch on.
Ramen, Ramen,
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Point-by-point irrefutable refutations to “T:”
“This is a complete mockery of god.”
- Well, duh! That’s the idea.
“You all are going to hell for that.”
- This statement is not supported by the text of The Gospel of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, which is the inerrant and infallible Word of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. For proof of the inerrancy of The Word of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, look no further than The Word of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. According to The Prophet Bobby Henderson (see next item), hell is simply another manifestation of FSM Heaven, but with stale beer and ugly strippers (Page 83, Paragraph 4), which, upon reflection, DOES seem hellish.
“Don’t even think that a Damned spaghetti thing made-up by an asshole will save you.
- Don’t blaspheme! His name is The Flying Spaghetti Monster, not “Damned spaghetti thing.” On the other hand, he doesn’t really care what you call him (see The First I’d Rather You Didn’t; if you’re not familiar with The Eight I’d Rather You Didn’ts, you can look them up on the internets, or just wait until they are displayed in every courthouse and government building in the United States), go ahead and blaspheme if you want. It just makes your pasta taste overcooked.
- The Flying Spaghetti Monster is most certainly NOT made up. He revealed himself to The Prophet Bobby Henderson in a Never-Ending Pasta Bowl (how appropriate, don’t you think?) at The Olive Garden, and told of his existence via the Parable of Mosey The Pirate (http://www.funtrivia.com/en/subtopics/The-Flying-Spaghetti-Monster-266455.html). The Prophet Bobby Henderson was the only one at the table, and The Flying Spaghetti Monster spoke to The Prophet Bobby in a secret language that only The Prophet Bobby Henderson could understand, therefore The Revelation of Pasta to The Prophet Bobby Henderson must be true. Or not.
- I believe you mean to say “made up.” The hyphenated form of “made up” (i.e., “made-up”) forms either an adjective or a compound noun. In either case, the dependent clause in the second part of the sentence lacks a verb, which renders the statement an incomplete sentence. This one is actually true (see http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/hyphens.asp)
- Strictly speaking, an “asshole” is the hole in an ass which forms a passageway for fecal material exiting the distal colon. I will grant that the word “asshole” has a colloquial meaning indicating a “a stupid, incompetent, or detestable person” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/asshole). However, it is extremely unlikely that The Flying Spaghetti Monster would choose to reveal The Parable of Mosey The Pirate (and, necessarily, the source of The Infallible – more or less – Gospel of The Flying Spaghetti Monster) to such a person. Many (now discredited) mythological stories have similar underpinnings. For example, in the fable known as “The New Testament,” the character of Jesus did not reveal himself as the “son of god” to the deceitful and traitorous Judas. Or maybe he did, I don’t know. The history of The Book of Mormon provides further evidence: God would not have communicated directly with a greedy, illiterate, war-mongering polygamist. Oops! Turns out he did. Boy am I embarrassed!
- Finally, luckily we don’t need The Flying Spaghetti Monster to save us, although we will save leftover pasta. However, The Flying Spaghetti Monster is an ephemeral entity, and leftover pasta won’t taste better the next day like soup will. This is why many restaurants now serve Flying Spaghetti Monster-friendly meals which include the innovative inclusion of a choice between soup and salad. Salad, though, gets all wilty and limp in the refrigerator, which is why Orthodox Pastafarians invariably order the soup. Or dessert.
I hope this post helps clarify some of your confusion with regard to The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
May you be touched by his noodly appendage.
RAmen!
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Woohoo 100% effective, nice!
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I was over at Answer Bag last night doing my best to gather converts, seems many already are. His noodley appendage reaches out to the internet heathens without judgment and gathers them in much liketh the ever popular Spagetti Feasts thrown throughout the year at FSM temples (Firehouses, Women’s Auxiliary fundraisers,SaveanXian.org,Olive Garden etc)
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Oh, forgive me Oh Noodley One.
RAmen.
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@ Patty:
May catch on? MAY catch on?
It WILL catch on, for the FSM has willed it so. Otherwise, why did He send us the Prophet, to show us the way?
@T:
Wow. He is so damned that it requires a capital?
I say to you, Damnation is another word for Truth.
(Why yes, I do have a fucked-up mental thesaurus)
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Oh no! You said a naughty word! You will go to hell!! And the “Damned spaghetti thing” is called the FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER just in case you can’t read.
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Damn straight it is a mockery. That’s the point. We’re pointing out how dumb people like you are. Especially YOU.
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T,
i find it distubing that so many believers in the abrahamic god presume to know his mind by uttering threats of eternal damnation and the like at those who do not follow their particular path. this god of yours has only faith to sustain his existence; no factual evidence whatsoever. unlike the FSM.
if you are truly his servant, you are quite arrogant in this behaviour. threats of harm or punishment, eternal or otherwise, generally do not go over well with intelligent people, of which pastafarians i know most certainly are.
if only people would read the darn letter sent by bobby to the powers-that-be in kansas. crikey, it’s right up front, the very first link – i honestly don’t know how you can miss it! if all of you haters out there would just do that one simple thing, there would be no hate mail section on this site, let alone one with so many venom-filled comments. (as an aisde, could their origin lie in fear, perhaps, of a challenge you know instinctively to be right? bears further thought, doesn’t it?)
i pity you, my friend, for not allowing your eyes to open enough to accept us. we accept you, even if you are a bit – oh what’s a good word here? oh, i know – vehement in expressing your intolerance.
i thought your religion preached love. guess you didn’t read the memo, h’uh.
RAmen,
V
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A man with one initial has to be awesome.
We should make this “T” a high priest of FSMism.
hes got my vote.
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dear everyone, evolution is wrong because it breaks the first law of science, which state that something cannot be taken out nothing. If the big bang happened,in which a very dense piece of matter appeared in the blankness of unspace and then exploded, were faced with the inevitable conclusion that the matter could not have appeared without cause. And even if it somehow did appear through some impossible way, it would have collapsed under its own mass during the first few seconds of the big bang. May the Lord Jesus rule over Gods people forever Amen!
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Christian (#215) – Evolution theory has nothing to do with Big Bang theory. Please learn to distinguish beetween the two.
It is very correct to say we do not know why the Big Bang happened. However, to ask what caused the Big Bang is a strange question. The word cause, can be defined as the event or condition existing before another event that allowed it to occur. The important word is before. There was no before the Big Bang, the Big Bang created time as well as space. Therefore nothing could have caused it in the sense we know the word.
So we don’t know why the Big Bang occurred – this does not mean we default to a supernatural explaination. After all, if you believe god created the Universe, then who created god?
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Speaking on behalf of many of the C’thulu worshipers I know here in the UK may I just say that your noodly words of wisdom have touched our dark cultist hearts
Let’s face it a giant elder god living in a city of non-Euclidian geometry at the bottom of the sea…..that’s just plain silly
Where do we sign up?
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Dear Christian: Your ignorance of science is appalling.
1. If something can not come from nothing, explain how an omniscent being (God) came from nothing.
2. Evolution and the big bang are 2 separate arguments.
3. Things which collapse under their own weight DO explode. Ever hear of supernovae?
May the FSM rule forever Ramen!
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@Christian #215
Boy, there’s a well articulated line of reasoning. I never knew there was a first law of science. Go back to your church and play nicely there, please don’t bother us with your nonsense any more.
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@Christian: a typical christian form of argument is to misstate some alleged law of science or other and then draw conclusions that would be absurd if the misstatement were correct. If you don’t wanna believe in evolution, fine. The argument is elsewhere: don’t teach theology as if it were science, that’s all.
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On a side note, please quit butchering the English language. On both sides.
May he bless you with his all-loving noodly appendage.
Ramen.
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Responses
Dan-If the big bang didn’t cause evolution then what did?
Fewthepround-God doesn’t have to have a cause because an infinite God is independent of time, and therefor ageless. Also, evolution and the big bang theory are so intertwined that to say they are different in anything but the most literal definition is absurd. No scientist separates the two, because if they don’t it becomes laughable to consider a second possible cause.
ET-I did not mean that it was literally the first law of science, the law of conservation of mass and energy is simply a very important law.
Apprentice Fredric-I attest with the utmost confidence and of pure desire for the truth declare that God is scientific and mundane and as real and undeniable as gravity, the sun and the moon. Only an absolute fool would consider for a moment that God is not scientific, its the very foundation of western civilization. The greatest scientist of all time were christian, Galileo, Issac Newton, etc. And as proof that God is both real and scientific I’ll give you a good example. Because its cold and wet underground, the natural explanation is that it will continue to get colder and muddier and wetter until you hit the core which is the coldest, muddiest and wettest, very similar to being underground. Christ says the center of the world is not cold,muddy and dark, but rather a place of fire and lava. No one can disagree that the romans believed in a cold, underground underworld (Hades), but the fact that Jesus knew the center of the earth was a place of fire and lava (Hell,Earths core) is undeniable evidence of God’s intelligence and understanding of nature. To deny this is to deny all of human knowledge. May the Lord Jesus rule over Gods people forever Amen.
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@Christian,@all: I’m sorry and do apologize. One of the great snares in these discussions is for one to let one’s self be sucked into believing that one can argue with a lunatic. I’ve done that, and should know better, LOFLMAO.
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I always found it funny that a supreme and all powerful being would be so sensitive as to be offended by mortals “mocking” him. Sounds like your “God” is a pussy.
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I don’t know, but I think your God would probably be pretty steamed that you didn’t spell His name right. It’s got a capital “G.” You know, proper nouns, respect and all that. Whoops, looks like you’re going to Hell now, too. Bummer. Meet you there, Hell I’ll even cook you a pasta dinner.
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Oh my FSM, you get it. :D
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Spaghetti made up by my asshole? I remember that was a great night! Hangover lasted a few days though.
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people keep saying that “God” loves everyone yet he sends most people that die to hell for all eternity. that guy is a prick.
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Jesus says to love all people as you would love yourself and that he will always love us and be there for us,(not that he is real) but if we decide to turn back to him now, if we find out that our evidence of The Flying Spaghetti Monster is not true when we get to “heaven” or the next life, then “god” will forgive all if they are truly sorry, also by saying all of those unkind things God will reject you for being so hateful to someone who is not effecting you in any way at all. So best not to judge others lest you be judged, and judging by what you said you are not following jesus’ teachings very well.
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Psst!
Good follower, you forgot to capitalise the ‘G’.
Tsk tsk.
Twenty centuries in hell for that one.
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a mockery of god?
dude christianity is the biggest joke out there.
adam and eve committed unspeakable amounts of incest to populate the earth.
god lives in the clouds and saint peter is his receptionist, and if you’re a good enough person you get to be there.
for eternity.
followers pay money to churches every day. the church pays no taxes, take in billions of dollars, but they always need more money for that golden steeple and a 100% marble statue of the savior nailed to a post.
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“You all are going to hell for that.”
HTF do you know? Dyou get some first hand testmony from a guy that came back from Hell and to;ld you “Dude, I should never hav mocked the other dude upthere”
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Okay, this Christianity thing is getting out of hand. What makes your god any more real than ours? There have been so many made up invisible sky ding dongs that you can’t possibly say yours is real! arrrrrrrghhhh!!!!!
i pray you shall be touched by his noodley appendage
- RA-men
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You’re right, the Flying Spaghetti Monster won’t save us. We’re fine. He will save you! All you have to do is join Pastafarianism!
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T,
The Flying Spaghetti Monster must have a sense of humor, as He keeps on creating idiots like you for us to be amused at.
Thank you for being born, and thank you for being so dumb. I just wish there weren’t so many of you out there being so dumb together.
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Good grief. I just read Christian’s post #222. What a warped view of reality. Christian, I’ve tried several times to have intelligent discourse with you on various threads on this site, and each time you fail utterly to grasp the idea of what constitutes a discussion, what is the definition of science, and you show no ability to construct a logical argument. Not to mention your complete disregard for the usual conventions of spelling, grammar, and syntax in the English language. I am forced to conclude that you are a hopeless idiot.
“Christ says the center of the world is not cold, muddy and dark, but rather a place of fire and lava.” And just where does your book claim that he says that? Do you remember the analysis I showed you in this link ( http://www.auburn.edu/~allenkc/tbhell.html )? Of course, you are much smarter and better educated than Thomas Thayer – he only had a Doctor of Divinity from Tufts and sat on the Board of Overseers at Harvard. I’m sure you had that beat before you were twelve. Hades, for your future reference, was not seen as cold and damp. It was not seen as being any different than the real world, other than it was populated by the dead. Not just the bad ones in eternal torment like Dante’s scary story, but ALL the dead. Virgil made up the part about torture and damnation. Dante embellished it. The xian church took it and ran with it as a device to scare more simple people into signing up. This tactic appears to have worked remarkably well in your case.
Your god is emphatically not scientific. A scientifically defensible claim is a claim or assertion that can be demonstrated experimentally, the results repeated consistently with each repetition of the experiment. That’s what science fucking IS, you moron. Even if the buy-bull did say something about the center of the earth being hot (which it doesn’t), it still wouldn’t be SCIENCE unless there was a description of the methodology that had been used to establish the claim. A lucky guess is not science. Why is this so difficult for you to understand? I think I know why. It’s because your brain is incapable of understanding anything. You only know how to blindly accept whatever someone tells you it says in that stupid book – without bothering to check for yourself – and reject everything else. You are a fool. You can yell at us and curse us all you want, but that will not change anything, you will still be a fool. I am through trying to have an intelligent discussion with you, it’s pointless. Only a fool argues with a fool. I still reserve the right, however, to point out the inconsistencies in your statements and your inevitable digressions from reality. Have a nice day.
RAmen
ET
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Christian: Evolution wasn’t caused by the Big Bang; Big Bang caused everything to start existing. Evolution needed life before it could begin, and I understand this little chunk of rock existed for a few billion years before that happened. So… Big Bang DID NOT cause evolution. Little cyanobacteriae can be said to have begun the race, as far as I know.
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From the few replies that I have seen in this tread, it is obvious that there is nothing but opinion being thrown around. I also see that there is a total disregard for respect and dignity. If someone were to make a mockery out of islm and the muslim religion as you people have done to Christianity and God in this thread. There would be people in the streets writhing with anger and horrified with your insensitivity. As for the evolution theory, when you study evoluion all you see is circular reasoining. Like for example How do we know how old the earth is? By the different fossils that we have found in different areas that have a certain amount of layers of sediment and rock. Well than how do we know the age lof the dinosaur?? By the position of the fossil in a particular layer of rock. Are you following me?? Does this work?? are we this foolish to accept something that contradicts itself so plainly?? I would think not and yet the world is consumed by it. Why?? There are a few reasons. First If evolution is true than there can’t be a God who is all powerful and will judge us for our sin. Second if there is no God than the Bible no longer exists and hey we no longer have a moral guide to our lives and we can do what ever we want. All we need to do is justify it by passing some stupid law tht lets us do it. Like abortion, everyone knows thisis murder but if we go buy our own simple reasoning and what we can see than life only begins when the baby comes out of the womb. I guess this means that i can kill all my babies. God forbid that we could be such a selfish nation where we would rob our children of the chance to live life, and yet there are many people who feel no remorse for it. i know there are bad circumstances in everyday life that make you feel like it’s ok. But just because you have a bad day doesn’t mean you should kill yourself so you don’t have to see tomorrow. Of course not you continue to live your life and things ussually get better. I’m tired of this world opening there mouths with their PHD’s and their Dotorate’s, and dis regarding the fact that one day they will face death, maybe today,and what will they have accomplished?? A bunch of plaques, certificates, maybe even a 100 years of recognition for their accomplishments. I’m glad that this isn’t me. For I know whom i have believed and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I hae committed unto him against that day. That day is when i will die and God will receive me into his loving arms as my personal saviour and I will live with him forever and ever. Now that is hope.
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To Jake first of all spell check your work as its hard to read. secondly God was created in a time when there was no scientific explanations that could describe life so they made religion to give hope, explain life and in somecases control the people. Why do dinosaur fossils contradict how old the earth is.
May you be touched by his noodly appendage and be enlightened.
RAmen
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“I’m tired of this world opening there mouths with their PHD’s and their Dotorate’s, and dis regarding the fact that one day they will face death, maybe today,and what will they have accomplished?? A bunch of plaques, certificates, maybe even a 100 years of recognition for their accomplishments. I’m glad that this isn’t me.”
Your ignorance to fact and cluelessness will be remembered for a long time to come.
And is it just me, or are you mocking people who actually care if their beliefs are valid (people with PHDs, etc.)? You might wanna think upon the possibility, that there are people who actually want more than a claim from some fantasy book, and are interested in how stuff came to be.
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Jake (#237)
“How do we know how old the earth is? By the different fossils that we have found in different areas that have a certain amount of layers of sediment and rock. “
No we don’t, we age the earth based on radiometric dating. Of course it seems most fundamentalist christians don’t believe in radioactivity.
“are we this foolish to accept something that contradicts itself so plainly??”
You’re foolish for not checking your facts
“First If evolution is true than there can’t be a God who is all powerful and will judge us for our sin.”
Correct, and as evolution is the best explanation for what we observe there can’t be a god.
“Second if there is no God than the Bible no longer exists and hey we no longer have a moral guide to our lives and we can do what ever we want.”
I live by my own moral code, it features mutual respect. Without god, you might go around raping and killing, but don’t assume we all share your weakness.
“Like abortion, everyone knows thisis murder but if we go buy our own simple reasoning and what we can see than life only begins when the baby comes out of the womb.”
I’ve never seen such a complex issue simplified so radically. A foetus at one month is two layers of cells, less complex, less able to feel pain, less able to think than a chicken. If abortion is murder, then by your assertion, so is eating meat. I don’t pretend to know when a feotus becomes human, but it’s an arguement that conducted through reason, not dogma.
“I guess this means that i can kill all my babies.”
There’s a lot of difference between a baby and an early foetus, learn your biology.
“I’m tired of this world opening there mouths with their PHD’s and their Dotorate’s”
Anyone who studies, gets a PHD (which is a doctorate) and applies will probably achieve a lot more than you and your praying. Your own insecurities about your education/IQ are showing quite badly.
“That day is when i will die and God will receive me into his loving arms as my personal saviour and I will live with him forever and ever.”
Good luck with that.
“Now that is hope.”
But in terms of rational thought you’re pretty hopeless
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Jake, that’s so sad… I see why you are angry about the great FSM, science and scientists. It’s because at the beginning, God was everywhere : lightning, natural disasters, death, creation of the world… so that make humans think that they were a part of a divine plan. The world was flat, the Earth was the center of the universe… But the science explained all those facts… so God was kicked out of all those things. We now know that there is no God in the sky, because we have airplanes… he is not in the space… science push God out of everything and now he doesn’t have a lot of place to hide Himself. So that makes u very angry, because you CAN’T admit that your are just a human being, amoung billions and that you are only there to pass your genes, if they are good, to your children and nothing else. You going to die, your brain will stop functionning and your life will end. You are not a part of a divine plan, your are only a very evolved virus called DNA which has for objective to spread itself everywhere without limits. You have about 70 years of usefullness in this world, so have fun, live our life and try to make this race better by your knowledged and skills… that’s it. There is no gods or kings, there is just mankind
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And jake, about the abortion clinics, I think abortion is bad, but it’s a choice and there are bad choices everywhere. If you decide to eat McDonald instead of a good homemade meal, that’s a bad choice, but are we going to close all McDonalds?? And it’s strange, but pro-life people are usually the one who vote republican, are located in the center of the US, agree with the war on terror, agree to let people burn on a electric chair and think it’s OK to bomb an abortion clinic… WOW, that’s a pro-life choice!!
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@ Jake #238,
You are quite beyond ignorant!
Firstly, making fun of Islam, well they are a religion also. And just as ass backwards as Christianity. You choose to believe in God, fine. But just because you believe in something doesn’t make it so. Prove there is a God, don’t give me quotes from books, give me his goddamn phone number.
Circular reasoning in evolution? Like I said earlier, you are beyond ignorant! If you had really read the threads, you would have seen argument after argument about the geological record, how difficult it is to make a fossil, plate tectonics,and the like. You didn’t read them, you ignored them! They don’t follow your world view. You ask: “How do we know how old the world is” and you claim its ” By the different fossils that we have found in different areas that have a certain amount of layers of sediment and rock.” That statement doesn’t even make sense; fossils are aren’t used to determine the age of rocks! Any 5th grader could tell you that, but I guess that if you don’t have an education that’s worth a damn, you’d just make up that kind of nonsense to back your argument, right?
And you have to talk about abortion! Abortion isn’t even in the Bible! You know, I really wish that guys wouldn’t give their two cents about the issue because it doesn’t concern them! Men don’t get pregnant, women do. Why should you even have an opinion about something that really doesn’t affect you? But that’s what you bible-thumpers do, try to impose your will and beliefs on others without thinking about why it truly upsets you. Because you can’t control their behavior. You say that if there is no God, you’d have no moral compass. If you believe that, then you are a weak-minded fool. You think that you are incapable of controlling your impulses on your own? Dare I say, without divine intervention? You pussy! I would like to do alot of things that are illegal in all 50 states and most countries, but I don’t do them because:
A- I like being free. The penal system sucks, I hear.
B- I would like to keep my man-cherry, which can’t be done in the penal system.
C- Its called the PENAL system for a reason!
By your own admission, you think educated people suck! You’re glad you not one of them, you say? Well, fuck you! We’re glad you’re not one of us!
RAmen!
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@Jake #238
It’s obvious that you have not read very carefully. It’s obvious that you have no understanding of evolution. It’s painfully obvious that you cannot recognize a circular argument (hint: read your post). I’ll try to provide some information for you to assist your understanding.
1) This site, and Pastafarianism in general, is not a mockery of xianity. Pastafarianism’s primary goal is to avert the teaching of so-called “intelligent design” in science classes in publicly funded schools. “Intelligent design” is not science, it is religion. It belongs in a philosophy class. Because xians are so insecure in their religion (since it lacks any proof other than the bible), they continually come whining around here about mockery and disrespect, all the while mocking and disrespecting us. We would object just as strenuously to Muslims or Navajos or Inuits or anyone else attempting to foist off their nonscientific creation myths as science. The difference is, they don’t try to do that. So the xians take it as a personal insult that we object to them trying to stuff their nonsense down the throats of our children.
2) Fossils are used to date sedimentary rocks because they are easy to identify in the field. The age of the fossils is determined by analysis of the ratios of radioactive isotopes and daughter products present in the fossils and surrounding rocks. A radioactive material decays at a known rate into certain daughter materials. By looking at the relative amounts and using the known rate at which one turns into the other, an age for the material is readily arrived at. This is not circular reasoning, it is calibration of one scale (the age range of fossils) by using another, more expensive and involved method (radioisotope analysis). Circular reasoning is saying that xianity and (un)intelligent design are true because it says so in the bible, and the bible is true because xianity says so. Notice the mutual interdependence of these statements, Jakey?
3) I don’t know about you and your xian friends, but I don’t need the buy-bull to tell me what’s right and what’s wrong. I don’t need to be terrified of eternal torment to be a nice person. I try to be nice because it’s the right thing to do, not because some imaginary deity is breathing down my neck telling me how to think. I have a brain, and I’m not afraid to use it. Unlike most xians. You might want to check your book before you complain about abortion killing children. The authors didn’t seem to have a problem with it: “Some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” And … he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys.”
– II Kings 2:23-24. There are numerous other references to killing children, so why is it a problem from the xian standpoint? I notice that you use the term “God forbid” in attempting to make your point. Why not “I would never do that because it’s wrong”? You have no concept of right or wrong without falling back on that silly book? Can’t think for yourself? How very xian of you.
4) Go back to school and learn to spell. Learn some basic English skills like sentence structure and punctuation. You have not advanced your cause by your post above, on the contrary, you have further solidified my conviction that only the poorly educated and underintelligent are readily duped into following the myth of xianity.
RAmen
ET
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Really?
We’re going to hell for this?
Well darn.
But thanks for the warning anyway.
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Jake-
The theory of evolution does not rely on circular reasoning; that’s what your religion does. I’ll try and address some of your misunderstandings of evolution. Yes, part of the theory of evolution is based on fossils and the understanding of the age of the earth. The earth and fossils and layers of the earth can be dated through the known and measurable decay of certain elements. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radiometric_dating. However, geology and paleontology are only two parts of evolution. Over the last 100 years, biology, genetics, biochemistry, and many other sciences have added too the understanding of evolution and through DNA mapping, we have been able to map out and better understand how evolution occurred and how species are interrelated.
Unlike your bible, which is not only internally contradictory, but contradicts with most of know history, evolution stands on its own. Each discovery in biology only strengthens the theory while each finding of history and science only weakens your religion. Also, I’d like to mention that just because evolution is true, that doesn’t mean there is no god. I don’t personally believe in one (aside from the FSM), but I know many people who are able to believe in a god and think that evolution is absolutely true. I think, however, that it does discredit pretty much everything that’s in the bible, and if you’re using it for a moral guide, then you’re pretty pathetic. There are few collections of horrible, immoral and heinous deeds than those that are in the bible: murder, child killing, rape, genocide, and the list goes on. Before you go around attacking evolution, for which you have little to no understanding, perhaps you should take a look at this history of your religion, your holy book, and this history of religion in general, since you seem to have little understanding in that area as well.
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Have you ever read the Bible, Jake? It was God who killed every single living baby upon the face of the earth. It’s called the Great Flood.
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@ Jake 238
am i the only one how feel’s seeck when peapl say “when i will die and God will receive me into his loving arms”?.
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first of all I don’t think this was intended to save anyone from hell or get them to heaven it was more to show just how anyone can create an idea that some people will believe and follow and if the school systems want to teach these different beliefs then they should teach all beliefs. i personally believe in God but i do know people who don’t and they can make very valid points. get a sense of humor, you know some things are done just to show others just how unenlighten they are about the world around them..plus what happen to separation of church and state
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Dear ignoramus. Sorry, I mean Jake. As a paleontologist, it is part of my job to analyse fossils and work out how old they are. The main technique we use is called carbon-dating. In layman terms, this means that we find chemicals in the fossil, and we can see how old they are based on how much the chemicals have decayed. That is how the earth is 4.5 billion years old.
You also mentioned that we are just attacking christianity, but we are not. As our prophet said: ” I don’t have a problem with religion. What I have a problem with is religion posing as science. If there is a god and he’s intelligent, then I would guess he has a sense of humor.” You see?
Peace and Ramen to you all
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@ Jake # 238
Would you adopt a few of these unwanted kids ? I guess not…
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Jake, please familiarize yourself with the concept of logical fallacies.
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“How do we know how old the earth is? By the different fossils that we have found in different areas that have a certain amount of layers of sediment and rock. Well, then, how do we know the age of the dinosaur? By the position of the fossil in a particular layer of rock. Are you following me?” (Edited for grammar/spelling.)
… I… don’t see the contradiction…?
As for abortion, let’s just agree to disagree – this site has bigger fish to fry. However, consider that if abortion WAS outlawed, lots of women would try to have the surgery performed in more shady circumstances – which usually ends up killing about… how many of them? 30-70%, perhaps? This is a bitof a problem in parts of Africa, where contraceptives and adoption are a big no-no (if they’re known at all), poverty abounds, and the mother makes an ‘educated’ deduction (as educated as they get, not being allowed to go to school most of the time) that they just can’t support another child – either the new arrival would starve, someone else would, or they all would.
Granted, that’s probably not the case in USA, but if you are a good Jesus-man, you’ll care.
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@Jake #238
“there is a total disregard for respect and dignity”
Someone said something like “if people don’t like me to laugh at their believes, they shouldn’t have so funny believes” (sorry, i don’t remember who said it, and i’m translating it twice; so it’s not an exact quote but i’m sure you can understand the meaning).
Besides, I disagree with you; Pastafarianism is too about the human dignity, regardless of each religious election. We don’t think all muslims are going to hell; we don’t think all jews are going to hell; we don’t think all christians that aren’t from our exact sect are wrong and are going to hell.
“There would be people in the streets writhing with anger and horrified with your insensitivit”
If I, particularly, am not criticizing islam is cause I haven’t been so annoyed by muslim zealots as by christian zealots. I’m not from a muslim country and they are not trying to push up in our schools their religion as science. But our FSM showed us that are religions -that are not Pastafarianism, of course- are equally logic and scientific.
“As for the evolution theory, when you study evoluion all you see is circular reasoining. Like for example How do we know how old the earth is?”
And again… “how old the earth is” it’s not a matter for “evolution” to study, sorry. Abiogenesis -how life did his appearance- isn’t also a matter for “evolution” to study. Can you understand that? I think it’s not so difficult. the problem is that, when you are denying the fact of evolution, you are also in disagree with paleonthology, geology, chemistry, physics… ¿do you think really that all our sciences are wrong, ’cause an old book written 2 thousand years ago says it? ¿And are you really saying that the reasoning of sciences are circular, while defending the bible? As for your problem with the age of the earth: read more. There are several ways to estimate the age of a fossil and a rock.
“First If evolution is true than there can’t be a God who is all powerful and will judge us for our sin.”
That’s not true, and even the most radical atheist could assert that. “Evolution” doesn’t say anything about the existence of “God” because magical explanations are outside scientific reasoning. By the way, evolution is a fact.
“Second if there is no God than the Bible no longer exists and hey we no longer have a moral guide to our lives and we can do what ever we want.”
Well, even if there is no God, Bible exists, as a book. As a moral guide from 2000 years ago; violent, classist, sexist and racist as the society that wrote it. And loving and hopeful as the society that wrote the NT, an slave moral. The fact is that atheists also have moral, as societys from all religions. A good one? A bad one? You can’t discuss morality when it comes from a sacred book.
“I guess this means that i can kill all my babies” Afraid not. You know, there are temporal limitations to perform an abortion. It is done before the fetus is really a person. I’ve just remembered now that “onanism” is a deadly sin…
“God forbid that we could be such a selfish nation where we would rob our children of the chance to live life” Not exactly. Well, you know, God’s nation is the jewish people, not your nation -it’s said on the bible. However, they should kill all the kids, women, men and even animals of an enemy nation. And god was very angry when his people wanted to keep the animals… That’s also in the holy bible
“But just because you have a bad day doesn’t mean you should kill yourself so you don’t have to see tomorrow.” Maybe that’s the first sentence I can agree with you.
“and dis regarding the fact that one day they will face death, maybe today,and what will they have accomplished?”
So? We all are afraid to death. We don’t want to death. But we all will death eventually. What when you die and the god that is receiving you is the FSM? (Or Yahve? Alá? Or christian’s god, but not the holy spirit neither jesus?) I’m living my life the better I can, and we’ll speak later with a tasteful beer near the volcano.
RAmen!
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mmm… sorry for the extension!
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I find it really mind boggling how the religious people have missed the whole point of Pastafarianism, and why are the religious people always the most angry / violent people?
I don’t know of any suicide bombings where the person exploding didn’t belive in a god.
Keep on spreading your belifes all you religious people, with your bone fragments a’flyin
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Yeah, well:
You are a complete mockery of the FSM. You are going to hell for it.
P.S. Don’t think that some aged, invisible man in the sky who wished a virgin pregnant will save you.
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Oh my!
You didn’t capitalize the G in God! You know you are going to hell for that.
Or did you mean one of the other thousands of gods from the depths of past human credulity?
ta ta
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T, your “god” isn’t better anyway than ours.
P.S. Fuck you, T!
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Ok, by the looks of all these comments ill be in good company. OR there will be beer, ether way we win.
Ramen
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I love how god gives jagoffs like this the right to damn anyone to hell…
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oh? are we going to hell? hmm.. i thought God were going to forgive everyone for our sins. maybe i got that wrong(too)?
seriously these hate mails makes me laugh xD lol
my english stinks sorry:)
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The idea of God is a mockery of intelligence so that should make things even.
Dreaming of beer volcano’s and stripper factories. Peace
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Uh No – actually it’s a complete mockery of Intelligent Design.
If you wish to discuss deities; however, explain to me (IF you are a Christian) the need to worship a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father – can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Mountains, Trees and a Midget. Pretty simple. Be excellent to each other and party on dudes! Much better procession of faith – IMHO
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I hate how Christians are always like God forgives…Then why did he just say that we will burn in hell! Some Christian he is.
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261 – December 7th, 2008 at – inufan5 Says:
Ok, by the looks of all these comments ill be in good company. OR there will be beer, ether way we win.
Ramen
262 – December 18th, 2008 at – keepfoldingit Says:
I love how god gives jagoffs like this the right to damn anyone to hell…
Death of a Pagan
A Pagan died and, much to her surprise, found herself at the Pearly Gates facing St. Peter. He walked up to her and said, “Hello, and welcome.”
She stared at St. Peter in complete confusion. “Wait a minute,” she said. “I was supposed to end up in the Summerlands.”
He smiled. “Ah, you must be one of our Pagan sisters. Follow me, please.”
St. Peter gestured for her to follow him down a small path which went through the gates and down a bit to the left. They walked for a short while, then he stepped back and gestured her forward. Looking past his hand, she saw the verdant fields and forests of her desired Summerlands. She saw people feasting, dancing, and making merry, exactly as she expected. While shaking her head in wonder, the Pagan happened to glance over to one side; she saw a small group of people a short way away from the edge of the Summerlands. They were watching the revelers, but not joining them; instead, they were screaming and weeping piteously.
The Pagan looked at St. Peter. “Who are those people?”
St. Peter replied, “Them? They’re fundamentalists. They’re a bit surprised to see you all there, so they stand there and carry on like that all day.”
“Why? Don’t they have better things to do?”
St. Peter leaned conspiratorially toward her. “They don’t really have a choice. They’re actually in Hell. God doesn’t like being told what He thinks.”
P.S. this is curtisy of Staurt Herring on the Darwin Awards forum, you should all visit them.
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Usually the post-script (P.S.) goes AFTER the signature. Kind of like this.
-Mr.Nobody
P.S.: See?
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“P.S Don’t even think that a Damned spaghetti thing made-up by an asshole will save you.”
Sort of like how you believe a metaphor for benevolence made up by Englishmen who used leeches instead of antibiotics will save you from an imaginary fireplace?
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Just because your God was made up before ours doesn’t mean yours is less of a lie.
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God told you to treat others the way you wanna be treated.
In your own text, I might add.
Go ahead and condemn away.
I love the heat!
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Comment #9 (Yes, #9) is the best.
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wow ur a retard… this entire religion is a mere joke made up by someone looking to get his shits and giggles. love how christians damn everyone to hell but say god forgives all sins. total hypocrassy. and we are better than jehovahs witness because we are funny and dont go door to door trying to convert people… OMFG i wanna try to convert people to my religion!
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Don’t believe that a being that loved you would burn you in hell for slight mistakes then.
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Jake #238
E-mail me at kanastag@comcast.net. If I were to say what I wanted to you, it would not get posted.
If you think that is circular logic, you are an idiot. It’s called CARBON DATING numbnuts. Someone said this before me, but I feel the need to emphasize it. In carbon dating we use that carbon inside the fossils/ground (can’t remember which, I’m only 15, hormones and whatnot making me forgetful), we can tell how old it is by how much carbon there is. We know how much carbon is supposed to be in it, and then we use half-lives to tell how long it has been there. A half-life is how long it takes for half of the carbon to wear away. Say it’s 50 years, after 50 years only 1/2 the carbon is left, after another 50, only 1/4, another 50, 1/8. That is not circular logic, that IS SCIENCE. If I didn’t explain this correctly I hope someone after me will do a better job.
To the OP:
Forgive me for not making you first, but I feel that Jake is more of an idiot than you are. Perhaps once you realise how incorrect your xtian ways are, you will in fact forgo (sp.) cursing altogether. Calling people names is in no way how you get people to listen to you. It, in fact, makes you seem even MORE moronic than before. And yes, that is what we believe. Maybe you should stop believing that some, if I may quote you, “asshole” was the son of God, and performed miracles. It is my belief that everyone he hung around were potheads, and only thought they saw him doing these things.
Here’s to hoping His Noodly Appendage touches you,
-GM
RAmen
If you wish to ask a question or two, or just discuss the existence of the FSM, you can reach me at kanastag@comcast.net
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#267 Spaghetti Wester
That may have been the most amazing quote ever. I think I love you.
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#222 Christian
Maybe you should read about Einstein. He theorised that Energy could be converted into Matter, and vice versa. Blam.
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I love you too. Thank you for not praying for us.
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