This is a stupid Internet Meme that has somehow turned into some kind of religion. Ranting at them is not going to help.
Before you ask, yes, I am Christian and believed Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loved us that much.
If I may ask, though, would the FSM willing give up his own son (if he even has one) for a multitude of people who hate him, despise him, aim to obliterate his very existence? Even if this act only saved one person?
-Crystos
this is a stupid internet meme
Published by Bobby Henderson September 29th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 144 Comments
144 Responses to “this is a stupid internet meme”
You didn’t need to own up to being a christian, the fact that you decided to stick your nose in was enough evidence of that!
I take it you have some evidence that FSM would NOT give up his son? If so, lets see it.
RAmen
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Why yes, he would. However, the FSM has never had to deal with anything like that because He’s smart enough to know that if He’s the Creator of all things, He can do things His own way. If He wants to forgive humanity–and He probably doesn’t want to–He can do so without having to make a sacrifice. The whole Jesus thing is pretty much pointless symbolism, even if it’s true, and that is something the Holy FSM can do without.
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I would Imagine he would, however there is no need. People don’t need to sacrifice themselves or their sons for the anyone else. The only time I can see that happening is in the movies, and I can’t recall any movies that have someone sacrificing their son for the good of humanity. It’s never been done because it’s kind of lame.
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Of all the things my parents ever gave me, I am most grateful that they provided freedom of religion. I was able to escape those early years, when the mind is most open to persuasion, without the constant brainwashing that most children endure day after day, or week after week. I was free to make up my own mind about god, based on my life experiences. I’m sorry you obviously weren’t so lucky!
I have spent the past ten years searching for a place where I could feel like I fit in. Where my views aren’t so outrageous, and maybe find some others who like me, find it difficult to pray to an invisible man in the sky. Finally I was touched by one of His Noodly Appendages, and I am now proud to call myself a Pastafarian. Go ahead and believe in your zombies if you want, but I’m sticking with my pasta and saucey goodness.
Ramen!!
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oh the irony
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My education didn’t include the classics or religious studies, so please explain: How did Jesus sacrificing himself on the cross save us?
If FSM saw someone in trouble, he would change the situation that the individual was in, thus saving the victim without removing his noodly son (or daughter) in the process. What’s this fascination with sacrifice anyway? It’s so impractical.
*rolling eyes*
Arg. RAmen.
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Hi there, me hardies,
I’m still in shock of discovering pastafarianism. I’m transfixed by His Noodliness which is so perfect and energy giving. His life farce fills my very soul.
So, in response, Crystos. Pasta is real. I know. I’ve seen it. Not in action mind, but covered in a lovely thick, creamy and edifying sauce that I just can’t wait to gulp down. The FSM would not ever need to give up his son for a multitude who hate him. A multitude who hate pasta? What are you talking about. This is nonsense. Who hates pasta?
Yours sincerely, me hardies. A new pastafarian.
Iain Mott
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And that is some sort of stupid bronze age myth that has somehow got turned into an institutionalised system to control vulnerable people over hundreds of years. You’re right, ranting at them doesn’t seem to help as is evidenced by your own irrational belief;
You believe that an invisible, possibly bearded, sky-man ‘loves’ us all so much that, if we question him even a little bit he will condemn us to eternal torture in hell. However, its because he ‘loves’ us all so much he was willing to have his own son (who is himself, mind) killed in a brutal, barbaric way as an example of how much he ‘loves’ us. Thus giving us a chance to avoid the self same hell (which he created don’t forget) as long as we agree, apparently through telepathy, to stop questioning him anymore.
I’ll take my meme anyday, thanks.
RAmen.
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How is this question relevant? You come to our website to denounce us, and expect us to accept your fairy tale as some kind of barometer to judge ourselves by? A fairly typical example of xian logic. Also a fairly typical example of the xian ability to completely miss the point.
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Sure – why not? Join the crowd! Do your research and you’ll find that the “son of God who was crucified for our salvation” story was 3000 years old before Jesus came along, and had been used many times. Complete with 3 kings, virgin birth, shepards at the nativity, star in the east, walking on water, resurrected after 3 days around the vernal equinox, yada, yada, yada. Google Horus, Mithra or Attis.
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Don’t both (pastafarian & christian) believe we’re all their respective god’s creations, and therefore, children?
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What? That’s just a stupid question. Would anyone in their right mind kill their own child to please people they haven’t even met? Sounds like someone needs his meds adjusted.
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His Starchiness is most generous and loving and would go to any lengths to sustain the world’s creations (everything except actually intervene in a physical sense, mind you, since there is absolutely no evidence for supernatural phenomenon).
But His Pastiness did not create a situation in which it was necessary to kill anyone. His Noodliness did not create humans and set them up to sin in the beginning, so there was no reason to concoct a scheme of redemption. This is where thinking ahead can help your end-game.
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“Before you ask, yes, I am Christian and believed Jesus died…”
I actually had no intention of asking. But now that you bring it up, why the change of heart?
The second part is more interesting–I think you’re trying to set up a comparison between our Beloved Noodliness and this “Jesus” fellow I’ve been hearing so much about…
I could be wrong though, because your description doesn’t sound very much like the Biblical story. You seem to argue that God gave up Jesus for the sake of a bunch of God-haters, and God’s handing over Jesus only saved Jesus. That makes Jesus’s death sound pretty insignificant. And how is handing junior over to the mob a good parently thing to do? Plus, how was God “giving up” Jesus if he knew that once Jesus died, he was going to be his eternal right-hand-man? That’s like “giving up” a photograph by having it tattooed on your arm.
This is all very confusing to me… I’m not one to speculate about FSM’s family plans, and I don’t really see the utility in taking up your hypothetical apart from noting that it’s all a bit silly, isn’t it? It just goes to show that people will believe the craziest shittake mushrooms.
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Uh…he just grants us all that stuff without asking for the death of anybody. Hes not that sick.
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Human sacrifice? How gross.
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No! – This is a stupid religion that has somehow turned into some kind of an internet meme!
Why would the FSM (pesto be upon him) need to give up anything to anybody? What kind of sense would that make? Your god seemed to need to sacrifice himself to himself to appease himself for the misdeeds of creatures that he knew in advance would commit “sins”. The FSM was just drunk when creating everything, and really isn’t that fussed about “evil”. Honestly – who hates pasta, anyway? His noodly embrace is reaching out to you – indulge!
RAmen
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Ummm…. Why would the Great Noodly One need to sacrifice his son in a horrible and painful way? I mean, we’re all going to heaven, you non-Pastafarians’ll just get stale beer.
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im very sorry to correct u but ur god was a bitch he sent his own son in sted of himself who does that? hes such a bitch he wont even show himself in public! fsm would sacrafise himself to save all us priatey beleivers and u selfifsh christians. i use to be a christian and ive budism to but nothing makes sense accept his noodleyness himself
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I’m really confused by this one. Are you saying that god gave up his son for a multitude of people who hated him, despised him, wanted to obliterate his very existence? Why would he want to do that? How could these people hurt god? How would the death of his son change that? And, how could his death “save” anyone (and from what)?
The answer for Pastafarians is really very easy. Quoting from the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s First I’d Really Rather You Didn’t, “If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain.” We are already OK with the FSM and so are you.
Relax. Reread the answers that were posted before mine (if you ever did come back). Have some grog and give this a little more thought. You may find that you have been touched by His Noodly Appendage.
RAmen
PS Why is it that these hate mail posters almost never seem to come back? I can only think of Rachel and darkcitymedia and I haven’t seen them for a while either.
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What makes an internet meme any more “stupid” or insignificant than a meme which has been hanging around for the last 2000 years causing oppression and intolerance (witch-hunts, crusades, peresecution, etc)?
BTW the great FSM is always generously giving his sons (and daughters) to multitudes of hungry people who “aim to obliterate his very existence”… what do you think you do when you eat a plate of pasta? don’t you obliterate a great mass of those made in the image of the FSM just to satisfy your bodily hunger…
therefore it is abundantly clear that the FSM is more than willing give up his own sons (he has millions) for a multitude of people who aim to obliterate his very existence… and this act has saved not just one person, but hundreds of thousands of people from hunger… so it looks like the FSM goes one better than the stingy old christian god (who only sacrificed one son), dont it?
as regards those who “hate him and despise him”, they’d better follow another god, like the swimming crumpet monster, or whatever turns them on!
PS you too Mr Crystos are free to believe whatever you want, but as you youself say “Ranting at them is not going to help”… you dont like the FSM? go elsewhere and leave us to our own “stupid” meme!
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Well, No I dont think he wouls let HIS SON rot for three days nailed to a chunk of wood, and any father who would…..well who would want him as a father anyway??
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May all ye nonbelievers eat some noodle soup and be healed in body and noodliness.
Ramen
*Here be dragons…and lasagna”
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Oh yeah, and that xian didn’t miss the point…they missed the line, the shape, heck they missed the whole page, as I notice that most of them tend to do. May the Great Meaty Balls see fit to reach out and enlighten them and touch them with the Great Noodly Appendage.
R’amen
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No, because he’s not stupid.
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When everyone in the bible is obsesed with sex, and rape, and paternity, god can have as many childern as he wants. If he were real, why the fuck would he care if one died?
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Wow you say you are Christian but yet call another persons beliefs stupid. Not very Christian like besides you missed the point of the site. Nonetheless, if Jesus really did die for you, he wasted his time. Some of the most violent and hateful people are Christians. Much genocide has been in done in the name of Christianity. You call us stupid?
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It boggles the mind that anyone would want to sacrifice anybody. Our illustrious Pasta Master would not be part of that. The myth of Jesus dying on the cross to save us from our sins is just that. A myth. The only pictures of him were done centuries after the so called fact or event. Hypothetically speaking, your God must have not liked the boy much or else he would have done his usually bit of sending hellfire and frogs to stop it. I’ve often wondered just why so many fundies don’t question any of these stories but just accept them on face value. By the way. This is not some stupid internet meme. This is a well thought out site pointing out the shear absurdity of organized religion. I guess it makes you feel really good seeing those huge expensive cathedrals built to pray in and suck more money out of dim witted fools alst while knowing that there are millions of people starving to death. Methinks the money could be better spent. Up here just north-eat of Toronto we have an abomination called Cathedraltown. Some filthy rich moron had it built just to guaranty his place in heaven. The sheep flock to it and drop money like an obsessed gambler. You have to see the Beemers and Cadilacs to believe it. The cost of the place could have put nearly every homeless person in Toronto into their own apartment. I’m quite sure he never made it to heaven. what kind of God wouls alow such a travesty? It makes one wonder. Here in North America we have people going to jail just for stealing food to feed their families. I bet you don’t find many of them thanking God. Sure, you have the odd Christian group out helping but they are very few and far between.
So Crystos, I have a suggestion: I doubt that you’ll take it though; how about the next time you’re in church and the collection plate comes around, why don’t you empty your pockets into it, take the plate and run with it donw to the nearest homeless shelter and donate it. If that doesn’t work for you why don’t you take the money to your local grocery store , buy the fixings for a huge batch of spaghetti and invite as many poor people as you can over and feed them. You could even pawn the plate for more cash. I’m sure the church won’t mind. After all, your doing it for a good cause, to get yourself a place in heaven. And isn’t that what it’s really all about for you type of people?
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One of the most literate hate mails we’ve seen…good spelling, good punctuation, and good grammar (althogh the use of the past tense BELIEVED is mysterious, and the last “sentence’ is not a sentence, it’s a clause). Based on experience, Crystos is just a troll; Christians can’t write this well.
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Didn’t Jesus go Heaven eventually? Wouldn’t that mean he wasn’t Given to us, but rather Lent to us? Your god let us borrow Jesus, not take him.
and just to be Oh-So-Obnoxious, the “Lent” thing was pun intended
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You do know he didn’t really “give up” or “sacrifice” his son? He and Jesus (if you believe in myths that is) both knew that when he died he was going straight back to heaven to either sit on the right hand or be god again (??? depends on how you were raised). So no big deal right. He didn’t give us his son, he lent him to us for a little while. And there was no sacrifice. If i give you a $1000 when I know full well I am going to get 10 million tomorrow – then no sacrifice. If I give you $1000 today knowing that money is all I have for the rest of my life – that’s sacrifice. S0… same thing. If I die today on the cross and know I am going to eternal paradise with dear old dad – then no sacrifice. If I die on the cross knowing I would blink out of existence – that’s sacrifice.
I try really hard to be tolerant of other people and their believes (no matter how misguided) but you “hate-mailers” make it so easy to hate christians. Please STOP!
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extract from wiki, definition of meme;
‘Memeticists argue that the memes most beneficial to their hosts will not necessarily survive; rather, those memes that replicate the most effectively spread best, which allows for the possibility that successful memes may prove detrimental to their hosts.’
What better description of orthodox religion could you get?
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Crystos
“If I may ask, though, would the FSM willing give up his own son”
The beloved Cheezus? Why on His Noodly Creation would the the FSM want to do that?
To be honest, I think you have wrongly confused Pastafarians with one of those human/animal blood sacrifice death cults. Members of such cults can be very easily identified by the human execution device replicas they wear around their necks. For the life of me, I can’t see how you have confused Pastafarians with them!
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Actually the FSM gave us his only begotten meme to disseminate over the internet to point out the absurdities of your beliefs.
And no, He doesn’t kill anyone as a token of love. This is one of the main reasons it’s such a popular religion.
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“This is a stupid Internet Meme that has somehow turned into some kind of religion. Ranting at them is not going to help.
Before you ask, yes, I am Christian and believed Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loved us that much.
If I may ask, though, would the FSM willing give up his own son (if he even has one) for a multitude of people who hate him, despise him, aim to obliterate his very existence? Even if this act only saved one person?
-Crystos”
No, spaghetti can’t have children. Neither can fantastical divine beings without junk.
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Wait, where in the Bible does it say Jesus would have died for just one person?
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I would say that’s the typical Christian response to anything they don’t like or understand. Discredit it while not even understanding it.
Who are you to label our religion as anything other than what we say it is? Oh yeah, you’re a Christian, that’s what you do.
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Why, because your religion has a father son element and the notion of sacrifice and all that, does OUR religion have to have the same story?
Can’t you comprehend a religion that doesn’t mimic your own? Is there some formula somewhere that says in order to have a religion, you must have a father, and a prophet, and an earthy manifestation, and a sacrifice, etc etc?
You see how narrow your mind is? You can’t even comprehend a different general scenario than your own.
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What kind of sick god(or anyone for that matter)would sacrifice his son for anything? Sacrficing yourself for the better good is noble, but sacrificing someone else is just cruel. So to answer your question, no, the FSM would not sacrifice his own son.
P.S. Pastafarianism teaches tolerance for other religons, and to be non-dogmatic, you hate-mailers make that really difficult. Please stop.
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And all the Angel-Hair Spaghetti monters say…RAmen
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Have any of you xtians ever wondered what made the “sacrifice” necessary in the first place? I mean, here you have a supposedly all-powerful being who creates a universe where some of the denizens of that universe go and do some things that he made them want to do anyway (like premarital sex or eating apples) and which this All-Powerful being had arbitrarily labelled as “sin”. Now that they have done this, but they still want to get to heaven (because they like wearing togas and shit), this All-Powerful being has to “forgive” them. But he can’t just say “don’t worry about it,” he’s created some arbitrary rule that someone’s got to die a really messy death before he can say that. So he turns to his only son and says, “Look son, I know I screwed up, but I have a favor to ask. I want you to go down there and let those people kill you by nailing you to a cross and letting you suffocate or bleed to death. I need to show them that I love them so much that I’m going to send you down there and let them torture and kill you before I can let them say ’sorry’. Believe me, this is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.”
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Wait a second, this is the guy who made up all the rules in the first place! He’s ALL-POWERFUL! It’s his damn universe! And this blockhead is held up to us as the ultimate moral authority! I mean, you just can’t make this stuff up! … oh wait, you did! oops.
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Anyway, to answer your question, my god isn’t a lunatic who would create such an asylum in the first place.
Ramen
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Yaaarrrr, Crystos, has he not given us his children? Do we not have Campanelle, Capunti, Casarecce, Cavatelli, Cechetti, Cencioni, Conchiglie, Conchiglioni, Corzetti, Creste di galli, Croxetti, Fantolioni, Farfalle, Farfallone, Fiorentine, Fioriettini, Foglie d’ulivo, Fusilli, Fusilli Bucati, Gemelli, Gigli, Gramigna, Lanterne, Lumache, Lumaconi, Maltagliati, Marille, Orecchiette, Pipe, Quadrefiore, Radiatore, Ricciolini, Ricciutelle, Rotelle, Rotini, Spirali, Spiralini, Strozzapreti, Torchio, Trofieand Paul Newman pasta sauces (may he be enjoying the beer volcano. The FSM gave his children even though we ATE him, RAmen!
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The trouble is it wasn’t really a sacrifice was it. He didn’t die. In fact He (being God) knew he was not going to so as far as I can see it was a piss poor sacrifice at that. Judas, bless him, had to betray him to for the story to work so old Judas deserves a pat on the back I reckon.
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baked ziti: “Well, No I dont think he wouls let HIS SON rot for three days nailed to a chunk of wood, and any father who would…..well who would want him as a father anyway??”
rofl!!!
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We live in a very strange world if having your own son killed is considered a positive trait in deities. To be blunt, a supposedly omnipotent god “sacrificing” his son can only be seen as one A-hole of a god.
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@ Redbird. Great post, and, of course, the whole entire Salvation myth fails to account for the facts of Darwin, which indicate that death has always been part of the deal, rather than some punishment invented by the deity in response to the “original sin.”
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Today was the first I’ve ever heard of FSM. It warms my heart to know that there is still common sense in this world. To me, the likelihood of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is as great as that of God. I often shake my head when I hear people who I would have thought were smart say something like “God Bless You” I actually feel sorry for people who believe in God because they live in a perpetual state of fear. So please, go forward and spread the word of his noodlyness!
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Eh oop Mr Evolved ape! Now then!
You sound a lot like a Yorkshire lad, I reckon!
And yes, Judas deserves a lot more credit from Christians (dunt ‘ee now?)… He really set the whole sacrifice ball rolling, with all the sado-maso passion of Christ stuff and rising from the dead that the Christians love so much (dint ‘ee now?).
Tataa me lad! Say ‘ello to Ilkely moor from me!
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The Sacrifice or whatever it’s called that is described in the Bible reminds me of the many Greek Mythological gods, whose behaivor consisted of rape, incest, murduring and betraying family members (And somewhere along the line, they all were family members), cruel and unusual punishment, and senseless slaughter. They would not have only have happily sacrificed their sons, but would have raped their daughters and sacrificed the resulting grandchildren. Not, per say, for any human’s sins, but in order to assure the continuation of their authority, often unsuccessfully.
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What the Christian God did to His son was nothing compared to what Zeus did to His, and in any case didn’t do a damn lot for anyone.
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In answer to your question, no, He would not sacrifice any of his sons NOR daughters. That is unnecessary destruction, when all He needs to do is press the Easy Button.
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I believe the FSM’s willingness to sacrifice His offspring for the betterment of others is a rather moot point since He is presumably smart enough to use a condom.
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Has anyone noticed how the representatives of the God Squad who post their delirious defences of their threatened faith (or at least they seem to think it’s threatened by the FSM!) never seem to write back to the counter comments and explanations (whether these be logical or humorous or abusive) which we adherents of a funnier faith kindly supply them with?
How ungrateful they are!
Why dont they give some feedback to fuel the debate?
are they ashamed of their silly e-mails once they see the errors of their ways, or maybe they dont want to make fools of themselves even more by seeming to persevere in their fossilised faith?
(I wish that were the case, ‘cos it would mean they’ve seen a way out of the cage of rigid conviction)
Or maybe the whole idea of debate and exchange of ideas and opinions is just anathema (alien) to them…. and so they can’t handle it if anyone questions their beliefs and answers back…
deep down inside are they afraid of losing their precious faith by starting to question it?
are their religious convictions therefore so fragile?
I think that’s the real explanation…
they are simply terrified of any alternative truth and refuse to take it seriously… especially if it’s fun or humorous… in fact a joke can contain a serious message… I feel sorry for them in their strait-jackets of wacky beliefs… if only they could laugh at the wackiness of their own faith!
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We’re an internet meme now?
AWESOME!!!
RAmen
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“This is a stupid Internet Meme…”
Wow! Very forgiving, very understanding. (know your bible!)
“…that has somehow turned into some kind of religion.”
As also is Christianism. A cultural product of man. (Know your biology, know your anthropology, know your sociology).
“.. Ranting at them is not going to help.”
Wow again” (know your bible)
“Before you ask, yes, I am Christian…”
OK, I respect that.
“.. and believed Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loved us that much.”
Yes, the key word: “believe”. I believe in FSM. So? (Know your semantics. Know your arguments; kwow the difference between reason and faith; know the difference between “knowing” and “believing”).
“If I may ask, though, would the FSM willing give up his own son (if he even has one) for a multitude of people who hate him, despise him, aim to obliterate his very existence? Even if this act only saved one person?”
That is your faith speaking. So, if I may ask, would it be any most loving father than a drunk flying and forgiving Spaguetti willing to love all of us jsut because we are this way and no willing to ask us to feel guilty for something we haven’t done? — blame the devil, of the Eden’s snake in the 3rd or 4th day…whatsoever— (know my faith; and respect it; my arguments, if you want to equate reason and faith, are as valid as yours).
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Look, if ANY deity wants even a meatballs’ chance in Verona of claiming devine supremecy, She/He/It damned-well better be willing to thrown down it’s own life to save a child and not vice-versa.
Otherwise, it’s just another self-serving, self-important (Oops! Is that spelled “self-impotent”?) wannabe working to convince you that you must serve Her/Him/It (to stroke it’s own ego).
Pasta Be With You!
[congregation response] “And also with you!”
RAmen!
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Sorry. Used the wrong contraction (”to stroke it’s own ego”).
Blessed be the Forgiveness of His Divine Appendage with Balsamella.
Pasta Be With You!
[congregation response] “And also with you!”
RAmen!
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Haha! Everyone knows that spaghetti can’t procreate!
What a silly question.
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I instead will answer your question with a better one: how many people would be willing to give up their own child for a multitude of people who hate him, despise him, and aim to obliterate his very existence to only save one person? And the few that decide yes, look at their personality, and you shall find that they are crazy go nuts.
RAmen Mateys!
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FSM is a mockery to Christianity and all other religions. Pasatfarism is a troll religion.
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@ Pam # 47.
Welcome! Glad to have you here. You’ll find that this is a fun place and although we tend to get a bit cranky with the silly dealers of hate-mail we’re all pretty much a great group or people. Educated, intelligent, aware, I’d like to say tolerant but sometimes idiots just get under our skin. Granted, we do expect it and I’m sure we wish people would accept us as we are expected to accept them but sometimes it just gets a bit tough. I’m sure even Mother Theresa and Ghandi had their patience tried more than once and what do you expect? We’re pirates!
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would you
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I’m supprised at how many people are getting so worked up and bashing the christians over their personal views. The number 1 I’d Really Rather You Didn’t’s states the if some people dont believe in him its ok, hes not that vain. (and yes i did take that from the gospil of the flying spaghetii monster PG. 78 sentence 1) I hope that all of my fellow pastafarians will refrain from such acts, and remember the 8 I’d Really Rather You Didn’t’s.
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Sacrifice?
Doesn’t real life mean nothing to Christians? Isn’t only life after death that matters?
Jesus is in heaven beside his father. Where is the sacrifice?
It seems to me that your God didn’t sacrifice anything. He just gave him a small amount of sorrow (which by chance he gave to a lot of other people).
He would have sacrified his son only if Jesus was condemned to live eternally outside heaven, which is not.
I think you overestimated Jesus death a little bit.
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The FSM is so powerful, that he can forgive people WITHOUT having to give up his only son! Try doing that Christian God!
I do give you some sort of props, though, Cryptos. You’ve managed to send hate-mail without any spelling or punctuation errors! A feat deemed nea impossible. It would have been a perfect e-mail, had there not been the grammatical errors to deal with. But hey, 2/3 aint bad I guess.
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oh,andanother thing,in continuation of my musings on the nature of Christian psychology (post #51)
Has anyonenoticedhow +ians and thosewho defend +ian viewpoints can’t spell (don’t complain or accuse me of something similar for not putting spaces between words, it’s this crappy keyboard in the office with a knackered spacebar!)
Note that they don’t even spell their own “special” words (like “Gospel”) right (see post #61 “gospil”!!)
What can we therefore conclude about their average IQ? (or AykYu as they might write!)
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BTW, don’t take it personally Mr Colby… I know you’re one of “US” but slagging off the fanatics (or trying to make them use their brains) is one of the most amusing things about this site! After all THEY invade the site of the FSM with their nonsense and abuse and as long as they do so there is no reason for your fellow pastafarians to refrain from acts of self-defence and suchlike!
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Dear Crystos:
You say that you are a Christian. I personally think that you are a moron and an idiot. Can’t you see that religion can’t do anything for you here on earth except take your money? The only book that mentions this dude called Jesus is the Bible. If you are such a good Christian try reading the book. It is the most fucked up book I ever read in my life. These are some of Jesus teachings. Look them up dude. They are in you good book.
“Think not that I am come to send peace: I came not to send peace but a sword.” (Matthew 10:34) “He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.” (Luke 22:36) “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.” (Luke 19:27. Nice guy……
The burning of unbelievers during the Inquisition was based on the words of Jesus: “If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.” (John 15:6) So much compassion…..
The most revealing aspect of his character was his promotion of eternal torment. “The Son of man [Jesus himself] shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.” (Matthew 13:41-42) “And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched.” (Mark 9:43)
So much love…..
Let me get this strait? Jesus loves us?. Get informed before you open your mouth the next time. You mentally retarded ape. You should start by looking up the word brainwashing.
Brainwashing, the application of coercive techniques to change the values and beliefs, perceptions and judgments, and subsequent mindsets and behaviors of Christian like you.
This is what they have been doing to you since birth.
Lucifer
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Crystos, would your God provide you with beer volcanoes and stripper factories?
I think not.
Let me see now, rotting bloke on a tree or eternal beer and strippers?
Hmmm, I think I’ve come to a decision.
Good luck with the guilt and fear thing but I’ll stick to His Noodly Goodness thanks.
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#61 Colby, I couldn’t agree more. Most of the messages from regular Pastafarian posters are directed at the ideas, not the people. The FSM really doesn’t care if anyone believes in Him or not. We all get beer and strippers. Some of us (Pastafarians) just get better.
RAmen
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Jeremykey #59 Thank you, I’m so happy to find that there are people with such a great sense of humor on a subject that has always been taboo to joke about. I have always joked with my children about everything (they are 20 & 22) even when they were little. We went to a Catholic wedding when they were quite young and it included communion (I think that’s what you call it when you eat the little wafers and stuff) After I explained to them that it was supposed to be the body of Christ they thought that was hilarious and it became a running joke “Get up to the table and eat your Jesus” “Mom my Jesus is cold, I can’t eat it” “Oh God, are we having Jesus again tonight?” “Is this a manwich or a sloppygod?” I know some people would find that so inappropriate but my kids have turned out fabulous. One is a computer scientist and one is well on her way to becoming a nurse. I too am a professional, a Finance Officer with the Government. I think this website is a hoot, I love it!
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Son? His Noodly-ship has a Son?! Cool! We can eat Him too! Great news!
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Um…shouldn’t you be watching a 2 hour mel gibson snuff film right about now?
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Good for you Pam… you’ve got straight into the spirit of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism!
Sounds like you were an adherent of him long ago without even knowing it (I was too!) I wish my dinnertimes had comments like: “Get up to the table and eat your Jesus” “Mom my Jesus is cold, I can’t eat it” “Oh God, are we having Jesus again tonight?” “Is this a manwich or a sloppygod?” But my Mum went to a Catholic school and they gave her the ol’ brainwash treatment with terror threats of purgatory and all that to keep the kids obedient and toeing the line (the twisted sisters!)
and in reply to Blackbard’s “FSM really doesn’t care if anyone believes in Him or not.” Of course he doesnt… ‘cos in fact he doesnt exist (execept as a rather marvellous “internet meme”)! we all know that! but it’s fun to pretend he does exist, for a laugh at the expense of the fanatics!
that’s the great thing about Flying Spaghetti Monsterism… it takes the piss out of itself, so it is immune from criticism from those morons who really believe in their so-called “gods” and feel duty bound to attack other people’s “gods”!
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PS that last message of mine was of course a reply to the Post #69 (nice number… I wish i’d had it!)
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Hi, Crystos. What’s amusing and ironic is that your belief system was once, to paraphrase you, a stupid social meme that somehow turned into some kind of religion. I recommend that you look into the historical roots of your chosen religion. Reading the Bible or Christian apologetics for that information doesn’t count… find an OBJECTIVE source. (And no, the Bible is not objective!)
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@ Pam #69. You’re more than welcome. I to have a child. A 19 year old daughter and she also loves this site although I don’t think she ever posts here. Like most of us here she also gets a big kick out of disorganized religion.
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Nice use of the word “Meme.” I thought for a second you’d be on the right track considering the kind of literature that word usually pops up in. But then I forgot this was hatemail and you quickly confirmed your intelligence level was much lower than I hoped.
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..um, actually the FSM has given up Trillions of his sons. did you really think that all those bowls of noodles consumed per day are simply savory, delicious munchings? no! they are the sons/sacrifices of the FSM, by whose nutrition billions of people have been ’saved’
so whose god is the underachiever now?
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Why, of course! FSM would not only give His son (if He had one), but even Himself to be eaten by people like you and me — because He loves everybody that much. Why else would you think pasta is so good?
RAmen.
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Then people still despise him. Nice waste.
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I’m not going to believe in your god because he had his ‘only’ son nailed to a cross.
I am however, willing to consider it, if he nails another half a dozen of his offspring to bits of wood.
If only to get him to stop.
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He’s right.
I was looking at this site as a stupid rebellious joke, and now I see that my parents are right and I was wrong.
I must turn back to Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God, and ask for his forgiveness in my foresaking him.
As for you people, you KNOW IN YOUR HEARTS that JESUS CHRIST is REALITY and is the ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAVE YOUR SOULS!
There are no volcanoes or stripper factories, such obscene things are hideous and sinful, even as jokes.
SAVE YOURSELVES!
HAHAHAHA! Noooooo!
The FSM rules, I have been touched by his noodly appendage and await my entry into heaven. I hope they upgrade the strippers now and then, to Star Wars costumeplay and cybernetic strippers, and have vodka volcanoes here and there.
I love Pastafarianism!
RAmen!
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“Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loved us that much”
.
Then why did he wake up again?
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@ neal – Thanks (and sorry for the long delay). I think the reason the Salvation myth treats death that way is because it was invented by people whose defining characteristic is the fear of death. The really funny part in my mind is that the myth they create effectively makes THIS life miserable! I often wonder whether, in the final few seconds before total oblivion, the most rabid religionists’ last thought is often, “Oh, shit! What a waste!”
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All that sacrifice talk is SO B.C.! You know, back when people said “We had a crappy year – bad crops, 2 floods, a plague – someone big must be mad at us. I know! Let’s throw someone into the volcano!”
Well, Pastafarians don’t throw people into volcanoes, bucko! Instead we receive refreshing beverages from them.
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Hello Rederer – Post #77
I thought of that one first! See my post #21 on September 29th in which I wrote:
“the great FSM is always generously giving his sons (and daughters) to multitudes of hungry people…..
what do you think you do when you eat a plate of pasta? don’t you obliterate a great mass of those made in the image of the FSM just to satisfy your bodily hunger…
therefore it is abundantly clear that the FSM is more than willing to give up his own sons…
this act has saved not just one person, but hundreds of thousands of people from hunger… so it looks like the FSM goes one better than the stingy old christian god (who only sacrificed one son), dont it?”
Anyway they say that “great minds think alike”!
and I guess you win the prize for conciseness!
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in continuation of my considerations on the nature of Christian psychology (posts #51 and 64)
As I have mentioned in my reply to a new piece of Christian criticism on this site (entitled “Hello, I am a Christian”, it’s a “new” post but it’s predictably monotonous… can’t they think of something really “new” to say after 2000 years of barking up the same trees??)
I’m starting to realise that ugly grammar (such as endless strings of subordinate and relative clauses), terrible spelling, obsessive CAPITALIZATION, non-sequiturs and clumsy, confused or ambiguous expression of over-complicated and undigested ideas is rather typical of religious “believers”!
I suggest that fanatical Christians (and other religious freaks) read some real literature, instead of the bible, which is one of the worst written books in world literature.
Let’s face it, if they only read that book all the time it’s no wonder most of them sound illiterate and are unable to string 3 simple concepts together in a comprehensible way…
I suggest they start with something simple and fun like “James and the Giant Peach” or “Harry Potter” and move on to Richard Dawkins (his ideas will probably open their eyes and minds a little bit too!)
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After all it (the bible) must be the only book in which the same story (not a very interesting one… and certainly not an amusing one, unless you find the killing of an innocent, albeit maybe rather misled, man somehow entertaining or inspiring!) is told 4 times by 4 different writers who can’t even agree on the details of their sad tale.
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“Before you ask, yes, I am Christian and believed Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loved us that much.” So you ‘believed’ Jesus died for you, interesting. Are you saying you no longer believe he died for you? If so congratulations. You may be a tad slow but at least you eventually reached a valid conclusion. I only hope that you are now touched by His Noodly Appandage.
RAmen
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Christianity is a stupid radical cult that has somehow turned into some kind of religion. People ranted at us and it didn’t help
Before you ask, yes, I am Pastafarian and I do not believe ‘Jesus’ person died on the cross for all of us because he loved us that much.
If I may ask, though, would this ‘God’ guy be willing give up his own son (if he even has one) for a multitude of people who hate him, despise him, and aim to obliterate his very existance? Even if this act only saved one person? fix’d
And the moral of this story is that Christianity was the most successful cult ever…
RAmen
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“Meme”? You mean that you read “The Lucifer Principle”?
Then, how can you not believe in the FSM? Understand that religious ideas are spread by the true believers(read,zealots!), not by the theologists; who,by and large only study the aesthetics of the religion. They don’t try to prove it’s existance. Its the nut cases that run around saying that they see Jesus in slices of toast, windows, and tree bark. Why should christians be the only ones to see a visage of their god everywhere? I see the FSM all around me. HEY… that cloud looks like him, so does a mass of maggots, so does that clump of grass, but a plate of pasta is more appealing. So, you just go ahead and pray to your cross and look forward to your afterlife of musical angels and streets of gold. I’m going for the strippers and beer volcanoes!
RAmen!!!!!!!
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“would the FSM willing give up his own son for a multitude of people who hate him”
BLASPHEMY!
HE GIVES UP HIS SONS TO PEOPLE WHO HATE HIM EVERY DAY!
HOW MANY PASTAS HAVE BEEN LOST BECAUSE OF RESTAURANTS!?
HOW MANY MACARONI DRAWINGS HAVE BEEN LOST TO KINDER GARDENS!?
HOW MANY MEAT BALLS HAVE BEEN LOST BECAUSE OF YOU!?
you all eat his children and he still loves you all…
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Actually yeah, as a pastafarian the FSM sacrificed a son of his noodely appendage to fill my belly and further save my life. FSM bless America.
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Christianity was converted into a tool for conquest and populous control by the Roman Emperor Constantine the Great.
History is jawsome
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Crystos~
I’m just wondering exactly why Jesus had to die for our sins anyway? Does that even make sense?! Isn’t God all powerful? Why wouldn’t he just create a world loudspeaker, and say “Hey – so, your sins? Forgiven. All you have to do is ask for forgiveness.” But instead, he sends a son to die for us? Because he loves us?
I’m confused. It just doesn’t make sense. Besides, His Nodliness sends meatballs all the time. But they’re not for your sins. They’re for your tummy.
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Hello TheFewTheProudTheMarinara Post#84 -
I found your comments on sacrifice very amusing…
Yes the Christians are SO B.C.!
Your post reminded me of why I like Pastafarianism and dislike fanaticism:
It’s because, whereas the Christians who contribute to this site REALLY DO believe the weird ideas they profess, the Spaghetti Monsterists (or Pastafarians) PRETEND to believe… for satirical, ironic and humoristic purposes.
This is a fundamental distinction… In fact the reason the Pastafarians write crazy fanatical things is because they are PRETENDING to be fanatics. They are inventing the tenets and belief system of this religion as they go along (in a creative way) and in the process they often produce a parody of Christian dialectics and its archaic forms of expression, and the results are often extremely funny (at least I think so!)… In fact they are SUPPOSED (intended) to be funny, while the things the Christians write are usually supposed (intended) to be serious, but actually they are often UNINTENTIONALLY funny!
This is also due to the fact – which I commented on in a reply to “Hello, I am a Christian” post 144 – October 2nd – that ugly grammar (such as endless strings of subordinate and relative clauses), terrible spelling, obsessive CAPITALIZATION, non-sequiturs and clumsy, confused or ambiguous expression of over-complicated and undigested ideas is all typical of religious “believers”!
So we can see that Pastafarianism comes from a completely different direction from Christianity because Pastafarians do not really believe their “faith”! When they seem to be attacking Christianity and other “faiths”, they are really defending the right of all people to believe whatever they want (and for scientists to continue their work without being harassed or hindered by Pre-Medieval and “B.C.” ideas, which are all very interesting in their own way, but should in no way be considered as a substitute for science).
As well as this distinction between Christianity and Pastafarianism there is an even more fundamental distinction between Christianity and science. The first is based on a set of ancient texts, traditions and mostly obsolete belief systems, which have continued in a modified or deformed way until the present day, while the second is based on rational observation and logical analysis of our observable world.
It is certainly possible that there is an UNobservable world, which in some way “created” or “formed” or “maintains” our observable world and “everyday reality”. In fact I find some Christian ideas fascinating from an anthropological and historical point of view (the wonderful weirdness of human cultural manifestations never ceases to amaze me!). But what Pastafarianism rightly points out is that there is no PROOF (in the scientific sense) that our world was created by the Christian God and that we should believe in the Christian set of ideas (some of which are in direct contradiction to logic and rationality) rather than any other ancient idea, or for that matter a new idea such as Pastafarianism. Just because in the west our relatively recent ancestors (centuries after the fall of the Roman Empire) believed in that stuff (often because it was imposed on their own ancestors by force and violence) doesn’t mean that we should too. Nor does it mean we should try to impose such beliefs on others. That is just a form of cultural colonialism and arrogance.
Trying to replace the more typically modern scientific and rational forms of thought with such ancient non-scientific belief systems and superstitions is even more arrogant and dangerous… and could lead the world into another “dark age” of ignorance, intolerance and conflict.
If we really want to progress as a species perhaps it is time to look at some of our belief systems in a more critical way, also by putting them in a historical and cultural context. The recent attempts of Christians to “save” or “modernise” their flagging religion by making it sound scientific and hyping it as a viable alternative to scientific research, or even as a substitute for rational scientific thought, is in fact a direct threat to hundreds of years of human progress, which basically started in the Renaissance.
Christianity is more of a consolation than science for those people who are unable to understand the true depths of scientific wisdom… it in fact requires many years of study to appreciate it, as well as a relatively high IQ… but it cannot and must not REPLACE science! Religion is belief… science is knowledge!
After all if the west still believed exclusively in Christianity we would probably still be subject to periodic plague epidemics and would be persecuting or burning homosexuals and handicapped people and everyone with original ideas… in fact many Christians are still trying to persecute those with original ideas, such as the inventors of this site (the persecution of original ideas has been a constant feature of Christianity ever since its institutionalisation under the Emperor Constantine)
Pastafarianism is trying to make the light of tolerance and logic shine out. Pastafarians are in fact the torchbearers of a sort of relativistic truth, which is that all weird ideas (including Christianity!) are worthy of respect and toleration AS LONG AS THEY DON’T TRY TO REPLACE OR OPPRESS OTHER IDEAS. The fact that Pastafarianism is able to do this in a funny and ironic way means that they can criticise without entering into direct conflict. (I consider this the true stroke of genius of Mr Henderson… he has brought us salvation through laughter!).
I will write more on the theme of humorism and its possible epistemological implications, in the section of this site called “Comment on the Open Letter”!
I’ll just say 2 things here on the theme of humourism … I think it’s what keeps us sane… haven’t you noticed how seriously the fanatics take themselves? (and we all know how close fanaticism is to insanity!) I don’t think scientists consider their theories as being sacred articles of faith… and so they can joke about science. Not all scientists have a good sense of humour… but those that do are often hilarious!
Science is actually based on self criticism (which is close to humorism) as well as the attempt to DISprove itself… if a theory is disprovable or non-provable then it is wrong. If religion were based on the same rigorous criteria there probably wouldnt be any religion!
In conclusion, I’d just like to say that sometimes we just need to laugh at the fanatics. Let’s stop being so serious and politically correct when it comes to religion… everyone has a right to believe whatever they want… but I don’t think they have a right to force others to believe… if our respect for people’s beliefs means that we become afraid of the fanatics and fundamentalists and let their beliefs penetrate into areas where they don’t belong (such as science and medicine) we might end up like the Taliban, letting women die because doctors must not look at their bodies, or growing long stinky beards and putting smelly sacks over women’s faces because god or allah “tells us to do it” and blowing up beautiful statutes of Buddha because they belong to another religious tradition… is that what we want for us and our children??
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Oh by the way…
My apologies to those of u have perhaps already read the version of this post on Pastafarianism and fanaticism I’ve sent in to the section of this site called “Comment on the Open Letter” (post #2469 – October 4th) addressed to Kaiser Bill and followed by another long exposition of my ideas on belief! I decided to send it twice ‘cos some of my messages aren’t getting posted… I don’t know why (don’t call me paranoid… I’m quite sure big Brother Bob isn’t censoring me!) presumably my internet connection is slightly fucked up… anyway, as I said in post #2450 of “Comment on the Open Letter” as the Romans used to say: “repetita iuvant”!
Which reminds me, it’s time I repeated my Spaghetti Monster prayer, with a little modification (also to thank him for giving me the chance to spread the light of reason and rationality to humankind through his lovely site!):
Our monster so great, such art in the plate
Hallowed be thy scrummy yummy juicy sauces
Thy kingdom come, some day, but not too late:
Before we move onto our second courses!
Give us this day our daily pasta
And forgive us if we sometimes overcook it
As we forgive them who eat it much faster
(The important thing is not to overlook it!)
And lead us not into false consummation
Of dire dodgy dishes: nasty noodles or Ramen
For thine is the source of the saucy sensation
Forever and ever Spaghetti Monster amen!
long live Pastafarianism! I love it!
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@Tris: Come join us in the Pastafarian Forums!
Our Pasta, who “Arghh” in heaven,
Swallowed be thy name.
Thy Midgit come. Thy Sauce be yum,
On top some grated Parmesan.
Give us this day our garlic bread.
And give us our cutlasses,
As we swashbuckle, splice the main-brace and cuss.
And lead us not into vegetarianism,
But deliver us some Pizza.
For thine are Meatballs, and the beer, and the strippers, for ever and ever.
RAmen.
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@Ubi Dubium 97
Yeah! That’s for the invite! I checked it out yesterday!
But I find it easier to have access to the “outsider” part of the site.
BTW… I like your prayer, even tho’ it doesnt rhyme (with itself!) but are Pastafarians anti-vegetable and anti-vegetarianism? I can’t quite stomach that!
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#58 Barron_Von_Hugen_Dong
You got that arse about face.
Christianity is a mockery to FSM and all other religions. Christianity is a troll religion.
You got a list of hate mail, penned in the name of Pastafaria and posted on churchy sites?
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“This is a stupid Internet Meme that has somehow turned into some kind of religion. Ranting at them is not going to help.
Before you ask, yes, I am Christian and believed Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loved us that much.
If I may ask, though, would the FSM willing give up his own son (if he even has one) for a multitude of people who hate him, despise him, aim to obliterate his very existence? Even if this act only saved one person?
-Crystos”
First off. Jesus didnt die for shit. He didnt exist. Period. Second the FSM is ballin egnough to where he wouldnt have to send his son to die for us like your pathetic excuse of a made up religion and “god” did.
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“He gives his only son to death, to forgive our sins, in the form of Spaghetti-Os.”
OH!!! FOUL…
How could I belittle such a noble action by referencing ‘ritualized cannibalism’ as part of worshiping it? To think that someone would show homage to the ‘ultimate sacrifice’ by consuming the body and blood…
wait a minute.
Never mind.
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FSM drained in the colander for our grins
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I think FSM would give his left meatball if he wanted too.
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“If I may ask, though, would the FSM willing give up his own son (if he even has one) for a multitude of people who hate him, despise him, aim to obliterate his very existence? Even if this act only saved one person?”
But if you’re an all-powerful being why would you have to?
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…sheesh.. that’s easy! Yes
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what he/she’s actually saying is that Jesus is dead. And that he would have sacrifised himself and everything he could have accomplished with his magic (healing the sick, delivering wisdom etc.) for one random person. That seems either selfish or stupid. unless he thought that person was worth it, in wich case we are not all equal at all as he claimed earlier in his life.
so, Crystos, is Jesus an idiot or a liar?
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Actually, most trolls do not seek religion. Although many fear it! The intellect of a troll is just too limited to handle the complexities involved with religiosity. Either they get frustrated and seek to crush all believers and eat them or they simply run away in fear.
But pirates fear no trolls!!!
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“If I may ask, though, would the FSM willing give up his own son (if he even has one) for a multitude of people who hate him, despise him, aim to obliterate his very existence? Even if this act only saved one person?”
A multitude of people don’t hate him.
He doesn’t have to…
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“Before you ask, yes, I am Christian and believed [past tense] Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loved us…” [Did Dr. Freud make a little slip, here?]
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Bahaha this is too funny… Seriously, I’m a strong believer in FSM, and everytime I read the hate e-mails, I crack up… they’re so pointless..
Why don’t they just stop wasting their time to try and stop a huge group from worship?
Like, let’s go and try to stop all the Canadian’s from wearing heavy jackets in the winter to keep warm… Very stupid effort isn’t it?
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Congratulations on recognising that RELIGION = MEME.
Write RELIGION = MEME on a post-it and stick it on your shaving mirror, Crystos. Look at it every once in a while. See if it makes you think about anything differently…
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god must not have liked that kid much huh? he was a sucky dad too to sacrifice his own kid if i’m not mistaken parents are supposed to protect or at least put up with their own damn kids! and what the hell!?! crystos? you call yourself god but in latin/greek!?! hahaha! wow. talk about using the term loosely!
does your god taste delicious!?! (please don’t tell me i don’t want to know about your cannibalistic ways thank you very much!)
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is this a good time for a RAmen? I thought so….
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You are hilarious even though you appear to have no sense of humor at all! How can that be? I can tell you one thing (I think). The Flying Spaghetti Monster was NOT born of a virgin, as so many, many pagan gods and Jesus as a matter of fact, were. So at least we didn’t copy other religions. NO other religions have Pirates! Ramen.
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Why would FSM need to -kill- anyone or anything in order to forgive a bunch of idiots? He is a most benevolent and merciful deity, He managed to forgive without any bloodshed! Verily I say unto you – everyone will get to taste the beer volcanoes.
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No, the flying spaghetti monster is “intelligent.”
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Actually, it isnt THAT big a sacrifice if you can come back to life and heal your wounds, is it?
Shit, you can even turn water into wine!! So what the hell are all these christians bitching about??
Buck up lovelys, you get to play bocci ball with all the old popes.
I get strippers and a fine pale ale. Which afterlife would YOU choose??
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The flying spaghetti monster is not petty enough to kill his own son, to save some guys from himself. The flying spaghetti monster remembers to take his medication and doesn’t kill his children to save earth, from himself, because he DOES NOT DOOM EARTH IN THE FIRST PLACE! Then he doesn’t demand that his son dies on a tree to un-doom the place he doomed in the first place and could un-doom without the sacrifice of his child. Does YOUR god do that? Who is this “them” are you talking to us or your imaginary friend about us?
If satire jumped up out of the dictionary, definition in tow, then poked you between the eyes before jumping back into the book, would you recognize it? Or would you get on your computer and rant about it?
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And yay thy Sacred FSM said unto Boyardee, “Taketh my meatballs, for they are yours for eating. And therein you will be forgiven of all trespasses. Drinketh deep my sauces and know my everlasting love.”
~The Tome of Eternal Sauces 32:71
Clearly our beloved FSM would lovingly sacrafice for us, his meat spawn.
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On the theme of the Jewish-Christian God and all that here’s nice joke:
a Zionist sends his son for a trip to Israel and when his son returns his dad says: “well, how was Israel? I hope you are feeling more Jewish now!” and his boy says “well yes it was great, it really was a lot of fun, but the place had a strange effect on me and I’m afraid I’ve become a Christian!”
That evening the guy tells a fellow-Zionist friend about this and his friend says: “that’s strange! I also sent my son for a trip to Israel and when he returned he said he had become a Christian too!” The Zionists then both go to the rabbi and they tell him all about it and the rabbi says: “What a coincidence! I sent my son to Israel six months ago and he also came back as a Christian!”
So they all rush to the synagogue to pray to God to give them an explanation… Suddenly God appears in a blinding flash of light and says: “Oh no! Don’t say it’s happened to you guys as well??!! I sent my nice Jewish son called Jesus to Israel 2000 years ago… and he also came back as a Christian!”
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To tris,
I think its a disease. That explains delusions of religious grandeur.
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This leads me to a very important question.
What would His son (or daughter – gender equality, Crystos!) actually look like? And what nature of a wench would He select to bear such a child?
Or would he perhaps choose a female pirate?
Then again, a Heavenly stripper might perhaps have the appropriate level of spirituality?
An important theological question, I feel, and one that should clearly be answered post haste.
And if it’s a female pirate He’s after, I’m open!
—
(It has just struck me that all spaghetti dishes may, in fact, be His children, in which case, I think that answers the original question.
So, what are His children, and what would they be like?
Discuss.)
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Hello Joe The Jew. Post 121 –
You say “I think its a disease. That explains delusions of religious grandeur”. Are you referring to Christianity? Don’t a few Jews have “delusions of religious grandeur” too?? (although I’m not quite sure what a “delusion of religious grandeur” is!)
A friend of mine thinks that you mean that FSMism is a “disease” I hope she isnt right!
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THE INTERNET HAET MACHINE HAS SPOKEN.
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“Before you ask, yes, I am Christian and believed Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loved us that much.”
No one really asked.
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um, wasn’t christianity originally a meme? OH THAT’S RIGHT! SHIT! Passed laterally through generations of society. DAMMIT!
Wouldn’t blasting the concepts of memetics be blasting the origin of your own faith? GOD I HATE MYSELF CUZ IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO STUUUUUUUUUPID.
It’s ok, the almighty FSM forgives all. Even the likes of ye. OH THANK YOU FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER FOR SHOWING ME THE WAY! RAmen!
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The Lord gives up His own body, His holy meatballs and noodly appendages, and every other type of Holy pasta. He gives up more then His own son for Goodness. He gives up His whole family.
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no. the FSM wears a condom. however, he will provide all five food groups to any who need it weather they like him or not. meatballs, tomato sauce (and not the cheep stuff in the can either) noodles and Parmesan are all there for you. thats how much he loves you.
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I don’t think it’s right to worship some1 or something that would kill off it’s son at all… that’s just mean… what would you guys think if my dad killed me off? it’d be all over the news as “Father kills son, gets life in prison” and everyone would look down on him… I KNOW!!! lets put that BASTARD on trial for killing his own son!!!!!
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i dunno ya, macta. if you were one of my close friends i would say “yes. hell yes. i would totally worship your dad if he had you whacked!” but since im not that close to you, i wont insult you.
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Hi, I’m a Christian and you cannot take a goddamn pile of spaghetti and make a god to worship out of it. I tried to pray for more spaghetti sauce and parmesan cheese, did I get it? Hell no! But Christ answers all prayers, don’t believe me, just try it and see what you fucking get. I’ll be praying that your lost soul does not burn forever.
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@Post #131
Haha you sucker. You think jesus is real. Sucker.
You just don’t get it do you, you sorry twat. Have you ever in your life had a prayer answered? Tell the truth and don’t sidestep the question with some irrelevant bullshit like your ilk usually do. Or don’t come back, we don’t give a shit either way-
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just wanted to let Mr. Poster #131, that’s not a very christian attitude. i dont know about the you or the rest of the people here, but i have always been taught to be open minded, and open to possibilities, no matter how different they may be from our own. i choose to live by this mantra, and i think you should think very hard about doing the same.
Nevertheless, this all has been written to proove a point, not to threaten your religiosity. if your faith is so weak that it can be shaken by something as simple as the FSM, then i think you aughta be praying for yourself more that anything… praying to God above to give you the faith you think you have.
I don’t wanna hear any more whining from you… remember, Raptor Jesus went extinct for your sins. :) (note the satire once again… and if y ou take that seriously, then you really have no clue what religion, or faith, really mean)
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k, let’s try it…Jesus, can you physically show yourself to me and my buddy? how about saying hi to my mom, who is a fervent believer in you, in say, 1 minute? and please make it obvious that we actually witnessed you.
like, say your name, and what you do. and then dissappear in a flash of light or slowly levitate towards heaven.
…well, it’s been a minute, and my prayer wasn’t answered. on the other hand, I asked earlier to have pasta for dinner, and that’s what I got XD
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ohkay for all of the stupid people who think that this is an actual “religion” please learn to internet. This did not start as a internet meme. It became one. Alrighty retards lets assume that you can read.
—
The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is a deity created as a satirical protest to the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution. The FSM is the deity of the parody religion[1][2] The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,[3] founded in 2005 by Bobby Henderson. Since the intelligent design movement used ambiguous references to an unspecified ‘Intelligent Designer’ to avoid court rulings prohibiting the teaching of creationism as a science, this presumably left open the possibility that any imaginable thing could fill that role.
In an open letter sent to the education board, Henderson parodies the concept of intelligent design by professing belief in a supernatural creator which closely resembles spaghetti and meatballs.[4] He furthermore calls for the “Pastafarian” theory of creation to be taught in science classrooms.[5]
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“Before you ask, yes, I am Christian and believed Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loved us that much.”
Really? He loves all of us? Including children in 3rd-world countries and slaves? Huh, and I just thought that he hated them!
“If I may ask, though, would the FSM willing give up his own son (if he even has one) for a multitude of people who hate him, despise him, aim to obliterate his very existence?”
Yeah, check your local Olive Garden.
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“This is a stupid Internet Meme that has somehow turned into some kind of religion. Ranting at them is not going to help.”
no, no you’ve got it all wrong, this is a stupid religion that has somehow turned into some kind of internet meme.
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“If I may ask, though, would the FSM willing give up his own son (if he even has one) for a multitude of people who hate him, despise him, aim to obliterate his very existence? Even if this act only saved one person?”
FSM has many sons. He just dosen’t know yet.
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>If I may ask, though, would your god willing give up his own (meat) balls (if he even has them) for a multitude of people who hate him, despise him, aim to obliterate his very existence? Even if this act only sated one persons appetite?
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Long John, Come again?
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Crystos,
You “believed”? You mean you did believe, at one time, but don’t believe now?
“…he loved us…? You mean that he did at one time, but doesn’t love us now?
That seems like an admission of apostasy and an admission of heresy.
Read what a truly sensible Christian Evangelist, Southern Ptarmigan, tenth down on the comments thread, has to say:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=letters-may-2009&sc=DD_20090508
RAmen
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We are all the FSM’s children but heres the thing no Christian will admit, if Jesus died for our “sins” wouldnt it be a waste of his death trying not to sin, would not a life of sin embody his sacrifice so that his death was not in vain? chew on that meat ball.
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He wouldn’t need to. He could just use his noodly appendage to intervene. Besides it wouldn’t be that bad if they died. They’d get to go to heaven
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hm… Interesting, because, don’t you have free will? I have free will. Didn’t Einstein have free will? Yep. His mind was a little odd too. Asbergers or something. ^.^ No, I don’t believe that a God will interfere with any of our personal lives. Why? I wouldn’t want to get involved with us psychotic freaks if I could avoid it. OH SNAP! I don’t have that choice. We have free will so that we can be self reliant. QUICK! NO ONE STEAL THAT! I NEED TO GET A COPYRIGHT FIRST! IT’S MY LIFELONG DREAM TO BE A PHILOSIPHER!!! Oh wait… I have a philosiphy, therefor I must be a philosipher. Hm. ^.^
The difference (I hear) is whether or not people will accept what you said as “true” (I believe in Fact, not Truth). So…
You aren’t a very good philosopher, seeing as over 100 people think you’re making an ass of yourself.
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