This is fucking retarded. People actually thinking there is a fucking spaghetti monster, THA FUCK? I honestly did not think people could get any more fucking ridiculous. Oh people, if you actually believe, then we need to shoot you out into outer space. Dipshits.
-Justin Ramey
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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one thing i know for sure is our heaven is cooler then their heaven, we get to go to heaven with flying spaghetti, with a beer(and other beverages) volcano, and stripper factories, it’s like heaven, wait a sec it is heaven!!!
RAmen
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People can get far more ridiculous.[2]
Some can even believe in telepatic zombies, magic talking snakes, absolute truth, Easter Bunny, fairies,…
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#47 – Mailie Says:
“But it isn’t fair to teach the theory of Evolution, ID, FSM, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism or any other religion in school for that matter.”
.
Spoken like a good little obedient brainwashed passive/agressive cdesignproponentsist IDiot.
Your propaganda masters must be very proud of you Mailie.
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@ ROBERT, # 28
Robert, you coined a great new word, SARCHASM.
How about another new word, PASTABSTENTIONIST. Definition: A stupid dipshit who abstains from consuming the delicious and sacred food created by our Holy FSM.
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Woe is me.
I am but an ‘insane, retarded, fucking creepy, dumb ass dipshit’.
I have no certainties in life except death for I do not believe the ‘eternal verities’.
My only weapons are learning, logic and rational thought; my only tools, vocabulary, spelling and grammar; my only aim, peaceful coexistence with the world around me.
Admit it, I’ve go no chance when the revolution comes have I?
Alas and alack, woe, woe and thrice woe is me.
——————————-
PASTA – You know it makes lunch
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i call to my fellowe pastafarians to go to http://www.cybernations.net
make a country, and bring their allegiance to “Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster” so that we may furhter spread the word of his Noodlyness.
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So people are retarded if they believe there is a [fill in deity of choice].
Good. That’s settled then.
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jajajaja KatieBug …. great answer…
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I actually believe. And what is more, I am willing to shed my sauce and the sauce of others in His Noodly Name. Beware, heathen.
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So, because we don’t believe in your faith, we’re worthy of being shot into space. Yeah….You’re an asshole….I hope the FSM comes and rings your neck with His noodley arms of goodness.
Hmmmmm….Flying spaghetti monster, or a carpenter that lived over 2,000 years ago….Ummmmmmmmmmmm….
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haha he thinks his opinion counts
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Dom, I got the Ori ref! Great job!
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why, oh why, does nearly every bit of hate mail include the word retarded?
just wondering?
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@Mailie (#47) With apologies for being repetitious, “teaching the theory of Evolution” should be (and, in science classes, at least, IS) teaching that one can walk out the literal door of the classroom and out the metaphorical door of ignorance and LOOK at the geological history of the earth and its fossils, the biological and genetic history of animals and – yes – humans, and even at local examples of evolutionary forces at work, and make up your own mind. Having done that, one is at least less ignorant of actual evidence, however you interpret it. ID, having been repeatedly challenged to do that, has so far come up with nothing, and has dubious status as any sort of science, an appropriate classroom subject. The religions you mentioned – even Christianity! – do have something to teach: humility, compassion, and tolerance, for example, and I confess to a sneaking worry that maybe humility, compassion, and tolerance are an appropriate classroom subject too. The dogmatic ravings of religious bigots who count on their god (lower case “g”) to save them and damn the rest of us are NOT.
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From the Bible: 2 Kings 2:11 As they were walking along and talking together, suddenly a chariot of fire and horses of fire appeared and separated the two of them, and Elijah went up to heaven in a whirlwind.”
And you call OUR religion crazy?
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Just to let you know how retarded I am, I will be leading a service tomorrow (9/21) at my Unitarian Universalist church and the service is dedicated to Our Noodly Master. It is in the format of a presidential debate with someone playing the role of the ID guy, another playing the role of a “scientist” and then I have the Pastafarian side. Our panel of questioners includes an angel, a caveman, and a pirate. Immediately following the service, we are having a pasta potluck. Alas, we did not have time to assemble the beer volcano or build the stripper factory. Maybe next time.
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You do realize that no one really takes this seriously right? It is a satire created to point out the exact absurdities you see that are within other religions. May his Noodlyness rub his tantacles on your heart.
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#46.
Wow. For all the talk of ‘eternal love from Jesus’ there sure is a lot of hate going on.
Agreed. I always found it funny how Christians, who are supposed to leave judgement to their God, are the first one to judge and condemn others.
At least we don’t have to eat stale crackers with no flavor and watered-down, bad wine to bring us closer to FSM!
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When will religion be seen for what it is a flaw in human understatnding that has re-enforced since practically our birth. That we are only parly rational.
The “christian bible” is nothing but a collection of the worst disernable information possible. It is almost commical to believe that anyone who has gone through the “awakening” would have anything to do with religion of any of the 2500 or so correct religions. What if people just accepted the fact we are here, we are animals, and nothing more. The only lasting difference we offer is we more than likely will doom our species all by ourselves by a religious population control.
Long live the one true Spaghetti Monster! May his tentacle touch you in a very special spot.
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Hi J,
Let me get this straight……You want to shoot “we-todd-ed” people into outer space?! THATS FUCKED UP! (hey, look I’m shouting, see “YOU PEOPLE ARE INSANE FIND THE TRUTH”) funny, but fucked up. Can you say TAAARRDDS IIIINNN SPAAAAAACE……(classical reference). May your noodles be sticky and your sauce runny.
Peace out
…Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale (religion); to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hates sake I spit my last breath at thee. – Cpt. Ahab
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You do realise that his noodlyness is watching you laura henry and he will be most upset with your lack of faith. Clearly his noodly appendages’ have not blessed you with inner wisdom. Come laura ask for forgiveness and it will be given.
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I’m so glad I don’t lack the sarcasm gene.
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I was touched by his noodly appendage. Aren’t there laws against that in some states? If not, there will be soon. Too many retards in guvment.
May the FSM put manicotti on their sole.
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Wow. I think you kinda missed the boat on subtly of meaning there Justin.
Face value.
P.S. Observe and think before speaking.
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Thank you for affirming my faith, Mr Ramen. You’re clear empirical evidence against both the idea of improvement of species through evolution, and the theory of intelligent design.
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Justin case you didn’t know. The FSM was created Justin time to save the more intelligent (not you) people from the truly stupid (you) who haven’t the sense to first check out the history of their chosen religion before following it. There should be a sign above the doors on Christian churches. “You don’t have to be inbred to believe here but it helps!” If I ever see an intelligent post from a hate-mailer I will be truly astonished. Justin, you are an insult to the human race. You are a waste of air. Don’t ever bother bathing. It’s impossible to clean shit.
Too bad you won’t ever come back to respond to this but at least it gives me a chance to vent my spleen to someone who quite obviously didn’t bother to take the time to read the reasons for the existence of this website. That’s just rude. Justin case you didn’t know.
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the church of FSM makes more sense than most religions. I mean, why would ‘god’ send (of all his supposed creations) the one he considers to be his son to die for the sins of man, when before he just drowned them all to death? And Job? (or whatever his name is) Would a loving, merciful being, omnipotent or otherwise, ever do that stuff to prove a point? i think not. And what of the muslims? Does it make sense that they kill themselves killing us so they can go get 70-something virgins?
THA FUCK? hey, we may be wrong(i doubt it) but at least we don’t preach hate toward other races and religions. if you can believe that some anti-gravity carpenter with no biological father will forgive man for beating, torturing, and finally killing him, then we can believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Blessed be His Noodly Appendages. RAmen.
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Ah, sweet mystery of life. Thou art a metaphor!
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#67 laurahenry Says:
“You do realize that no one really takes this seriously right?”
.
You know you’re making the little Cheeses cry?!
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Thou art truly lost.
For such obscenities to be uttered by a god fearing mortal; tis sinful of thous’ religion.
Cleanse thy soul with Him, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and feel free from the realm of stupidity and ignorance.
RAmen
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I have to say that I know a few Christians here in England who are very civilised and wouldn’t dream of being so rude.
You certainly breed a very aggressive strand of Christian over in the States.
I think I am correct in thinking you even have Christians who believe in carrying guns. I’ve never understood that one. I may be wrong but I don’t recall anything about Jesus being pro guns.
Anyway, I had to fill in my annual work questionaire today and His noodly goodness filled me with joy when I put my religion as Pastafarianism.
From little acorns…
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Dear Justin!
There can only be 1 God, so almost 5/6 of the World Population is one way or the other atheist. Isn’t that weird?
There are and have been hundreds of gods, none of them comes even close to the FSM (blessed be His Name). Just feel free and join the club instead of being so ignorant and hateful.
FSM rules & you know it. Within a couple of decades all of USA-Christiantalibanism will be gone as it is too ridiculous even for a mentally retarded frog.
English is not my native language, so please don’t comment on that.
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His noodley-ness is not impressed. Shame on you for questioning our faith. Freak.
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Yes Zinc Alloy you are correct. The United States does breed a very aggresive bunch of christians. President Bush tries hard to make the christians feel powerful as a nation and for non-christians to fear for their rights and freedoms. Unfortunately PB hasn’t pushed things like literacy quite so much…as evidenced by clowns like our hate mailers.
And really, if we eventually have to move to another planet because the christians are not looking after this one, do we really want anyone else shot into space except for us? I think the last thing we would want is a whole bunch of little Justins running around cursing, not thinking and with no sense of humor.
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Mailie-
“But it isn’t fair to teach the theory of Evolution, ID, FSM, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism or any other religion in school for that matter.”
Seseme Street Time: “One of these things is not like the others…”
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come join us in love of the spaghetti monster. caqst aside your chains of christianity and be free. live in my house drink my grog and be blessed.
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“Oh people, if you actually believe, then we need to shoot you out into outer space”
What THE FACK? Is our religion under attack from NASA? Richard Branson? At least we aren’t stupid enough to believe it’s necessary to shoot people into outer space – or are you suggesting we need to spread the gospel of the FSM throughout the Galaxy? Er…O.K. I’m up for it, just point my rocket in the direction of Heaven (mine, not yours or anyone else’s conception of it).
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Maybe you missed a key point. Its not just a Spaghetti Monster but a FLYING Spaghetti monster. This of course makes the whole creed more plausible. But if you can arrange rides into space, that would be great too.
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well you see, i think the idea of being shot into space is a great one. the government has a hurricane machine that also causes earthquakes (or is it an earthquake machine that also make hurricanes?) and a large assortment of tactical nuclear weapons. they also believe the judeo-christian god put them in power to spread his will and subjugate the nonbelievers (and that he TALKS to them daily!). what this basically amounts to is a planet full of lunatics with an itchy finger on the history eraser button. being off-planet when this happens suits me just fine. at least i know to call the voice(s) in my head by a better name than god. i call it crazy talk.
also, justin’s last name is oh so close to ramen, our highet praise and prayer-ender. if only he could see the obvious design by the fsm even in his name!
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“Oh people, if you actually believe, then we need to shoot you out into outer space”
Does it look like we have a space cannon? No , we are working on it, so just calm down.And secondly , who wouldn’t want to be shot into space by a space cannon?And Dipshit isn’t the preferred nomenclature , douschebag please.
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I think we Pastafarians can do more to defuse the ire of our misunderstanding brethren.
We can love His Noodlyness while at the same time letting our very human detractors know that what we really want is to free humanity from the shackles of bronze-age superstition.
If that doesn’t work, maybe hot internet photos of sexy pirates…
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I think I may go pick up this Gospel book so I can have a good laugh. I agree with Justin, this religion is ridiculous as far as I can tell.
YOU’RE WORSHIPING PASTA – HELLO!
WAKE THE F***K UP!
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ok, so I went back and read some of the comments,and from what I understand-This “religion” is just big joke-literally. So why instead of being ridiculed by others who just think you’re being stupid, don’t you tell people about it? just wondering…..
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67 – September 20th, 2008 at – laurahenry Says:
You do realize that no one really takes this seriously right? It is a satire created to point out the exact absurdities you see that are within other religions. May his Noodlyness rub his tantacles on your heart.
–this would probably cut down on hatemail, if this was just explained. I am pretty resonable, and now feel kind of silly for writing the first statement, but that is what I truely thought! if someone would have just explained it first, it would have made complete sense.
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STOP INFRINGING ON MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS JUSTIN! (Isn’t that how you Christians do it?) Pastafarianism is the one true path. An Angelhair came to me in a dream and told me. I will be savced. In his name I pray, RAMEN.
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I guess Justin Ramey and his fetal alcohol brethren are the reason no more decent parody movie or shows are made anymore, if anything more complex then Date movie/epic was presented to him he’d probably have a siezure.
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Arrrrr…. Me noodle fancies a dance.
Gave is only begotten Meatball e did. Open yer eyes and let’m lay is greasy appendage on you n yer children. Arrrrr. On your neck while you sleep. Arrrrgggghhhh yeahh.
Which reminds me of a story from the holy book.
Echeesians 19:4-6
4:And the FSM will know the disbelievers by their clean white shirts and their utter disregard and outright refusal to acknowledge the truth for what it is. Or at least the tiny fraction of the infinite truth that has been discovered….about him. 5: He will attempt to appendage them seven times. 6: On the seventh fondling if they still reject his appendage he will gyrate fiercely and puke sauce.
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If only you’d shoot us into space soon we could catch up to the Heaven’s Gate people. Did you email hate to those guys? We’re not nuts enough (or maybe we are!!) to castrate ourselves.
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Dear 4th grader whom giggles at the word fuck,
Your intolerance, ignorance, and illeteracy, ammuse me.
Sincerly,
me
P.S. Try looking up “satire” in the dictionary, you know, the big book with all thoose words in it.
:)
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There was an author called C.M. Kornbluth who wrote a prize winning science fiction story called “The Marching Morons”. The premise of the story was that really stupid people would outbreed intelligent ones over the course of centuries to such an extent that morons would vastly outnumber people with normal intelligence and would be elected to every office. Smart people would be relegated to the background where they would through super heroic efforts, keep everything working. Eventually, the smart people in the story realized there were just too many morons, so the solution was to start an advertising campaign, promoting the Planet Venus as the ideal vacation, retirement spot, and setting up an infrastructure complete with Spaceport to provide free trips to Venus for everyone who wanted one. Only thing is, the Spaceships had just enough thrust to achieve sub-orbital velocities, and, had no heat shields for re-entry. Perfect way to control a moron population.
How ironic, therefore, that one of the moron number is suggesting a similar remedy to control our Pastafarian population. Especially, in a country whose recent history, particularly with regard to who it elects to run the nation, so dramatically fulfills the Kornbluth prophecy.
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