Kay look we all like Cheech and Chong but not when they start a religion. Please come to JESUS and be saved he wants to give you the gift of eternal life.
I say this to all the members of this church. Please come to your senses and stop with this blasphemy and find JESUS. He is the WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE. He tells you everything you need to listen to him.
If you had it outs with the church before then fine don’t go to a church at first but at lease buy and ACTUAL BIBLE read it and pray and listen. You will be amazed when the HOLY SPIRIT WASHES OVER YOU.
This is BLASPHEMY. Please stop misguiding people and come to the real lord who LOVES YOU. JESUS LOVES YOU JESUS IS ALIVE JESUS IS LORD YOU CAN BE SAVED.
MAY GOD PLEASE HELP AND BLESS YOU TO GET OVER THIS HORRIBLE CATASTROPHE THAT YOU HAVE STARTED LEAVE THIS FAKE CHURCH AND FIND THE ONLY ONE REAL GOD JESUS JESUS JESUS.
HE IS THE ONE HE IS THE WAY LISTEN TO HIM AND FOLLOW HIM AND YOU WILL BE AMAZED.
-Daniel
YOU PEOPLE ARE INSANE FIND THE TRUTH
Published by Bobby Henderson September 17th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 293 Comments
293 Responses to “YOU PEOPLE ARE INSANE FIND THE TRUTH”
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I did find God and he is very delicious. RAmen.
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is Jesus GOD????
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Blasphemy? THIS. IS. FREEDOMOFRELIGION!
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hahaha this is why christians are teh fail. christianity is okay, but christians are dumb
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Wow what the fuck’s wrong with you? It’s because of people like you that the rest of the world hates the U.S.A., because you try to convert people. If you, or someone like you, were to try and convert me, I would beat the shit out of you, because you are a brainwashed douche bag that should burn in hell. There is not enough room on this page to thoroughly describe how much I fucking hate you. And what the fuck is up with you bashing Cheech and Chong? I would blaze blunts with them all day. Go die.
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Good news – I found Jesus! He was at the Olive Garden, scarfing up the never-ending bowls of pasta. Didn’t you get the memo about the merger of Christianity and FSM?
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Daniel said:
“HE IS THE ONE HE IS THE WAY LISTEN TO HIM AND FOLLOW HIM AND YOU WILL BE AMAZED.”
Listening to voices in your head might be the first signs of late onset schizophrenia; or even latent hebephrenia. I have no way of discerning your age, but if you’re in your teens it could well be that you are suffering from hebephrenia. If that voice tells you it’s the voice of Jesus, I would very much recommend that you find a qualified and talented psychiatrist. Hearing the voice of Jesus is not all that uncommon; paradoxically it’s more common among schizophrenics raised in a Jewish faith (as are delusions of being Jesus). But hearing voices _is_ a sign that you need help. As a piece of friendly advice, I would suggest _not_ “FOLLOW[ING] HIM”; acting on the directions of hallucinations could trigger a psychotic episode when you are forced to reconcile your actions with reality.
Please at least get medication before you hurt someone, or yourself.
// Raphael
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this my friends is why i turned to the great FSM. All the other religions just wanna cram nonsense down your troat D: when will people learn that all religions sound foolish to one another, and we just need to except the fact that people can believe what they want. D: i know it’s so simple! >,>
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@ Blue 247,
I’m going to guess that you’re one of those people just trying to get a rise out of someone. In case you’re not…
Islam is just as misguided a religion as Christianity. Don’t eat pork, women are to be subjugated, images of people is idolatry, don’t drink(!!!!), don’t think of anything but Allah, beat your kids often, its OK to strap a bomb on your person and blow yourself up if their religious beliefs don’t jibe with yours, and Islam is always true.
YYYYAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! My pirate genes are rising!
The only thing Islam has going for it is the bit about 72 virgins. But that’s about all.
Here’s a idea: JOIN US!
Be touched by His Noodly Appendage, be washed in the marinara of the Lamb Parmesian. Get off your friggin’ knees and think for yourself, not for some god!
RAmen!
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Capslock!
You definitely got me!
You know that warm, fuzzy feeling?
It’s actually someone pouring tea on you.=D
Actually, it’s the sense of belonging, of happiness. You get that because you’re doing something that makes /you/ happy. Doesn’t mean it’ll make us happy.
Sorry if this is a repeat of other posts. I don’t read everything.
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What’s fun about this one is you can’t read it out loud without laughing.
“JESUS JESUS JESUS”
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To Jolly Roger in post 254, in the words of Ghandi, “I do not like your Christians, but I do like your Christ.”
You have to like Jesus. He was a sweet guy, and he meant well. You don’t have to believe in what he said, but you have to admit he was pretty nice.
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I know a lot of people at my school who say like as their every second word, but this? Imagine talking to this guy…
“Hello. How are you doing?”
“JESUS Fine JESUS thank JESUS you JESUS what JESUS about JESUS you JESUS?
JESUSJESUSJESUSJESUSJESUS.”
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Who told you all that crap?
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Is it OK if I find only one Jesus, not the three (or so) you mentioned?
Oh, and how does the holy spirit wash over people? Does he make a splashy sound? Or more like a toilet flushing?
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Dear Goddess… this guy needs some severe help.
I think you should pray to your deity for some help with your spelling and language. If English is your first language, you obviously didn’t pay much attention in school. Also, those voices in your head should be evaluated by a doctor. There are wonderful new anti-psychotics out that may help you a great deal.
Once the doctor starts you on medication, you may be able to tell the difference between fantasy and reality, and be able to tell a joke or parody from something entirely serious. Unfortunately, they haven’t made great strides in treating Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
As far as blasphemy goes, guess what? We all have the freedom to follow our own beliefs, and based on what I’ve seen of most of the Christians out there these days iis that Jesus would be QUITE ashamed at what his message has been turned into, and upon his return will probably decide that Buddhism, Jainism or Wicca has embraced the peace that he wanted us all to experience.
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you know, the bible never gave a description of God, so he could atually be the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Just we don’t know it
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I have read the Bible. For every thing said in it, there was later a contradiction. It was confusing. It made no sense, what with the undead son of someone (and the father and son were the same person). Leviticus disgusted me.
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@268 Genesis disgusted me, in fact a lot about the bible disgusted me such as “a father shall be divided against a son, and a son against a father, a mother against a daughter, and a daughter against a mother, a mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.’”
Divide everyone, put people to the sword all sorts of lovely stuff, in fact the nice parts are like islands in a sea…
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“If you had it outs with the church before then fine don’t go to a church at first but at lease buy and ACTUAL BIBLE read it and pray and listen. You will be amazed when the HOLY SPIRIT WASHES OVER YOU.”
Well, I did read the BIBLE and went to church. That exactly was the reason why I run as far away from religion as possible. That book put me off permanently (Murder, Rape, Pillage, Kill, Kill, Kill). Honestly, I still would have been a Christian if I haven’t read the bible. Most Christians I meet do not have a clue what their own “holy book?” preaches.
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Showers are better than the holy spirit. Theres more soap and floating ducks.
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Erm?
The `holy spirit washes over me’?
Didn’t they have a problem with that a few years back?
About holy christian priests or whatever
`washing over’ little boys?
wtf?
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Isn’t blasphemy the “One unforgivable sin”? Regardless of what we all do now,your “God” wouldn’t let us through the pearly gates anyway. Just so you know.
RAmen
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For the record I hate Cheech and Chong
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“If you had it outs with the church before then fine don’t go to a church at first but at lease buy and ACTUAL BIBLE read it and pray and listen.”
Wouldn’t want to buy one of those fake bibles.
I guess when you think about it, it really doesn’t matter.
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No, I don’t like Cheech and Chong.
And yes, I did find the truth. That’s why I’m here instead of in church, hearing about who begat who from some pedophile.
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NO DANIEL!!!! Cease and desist at once!!!! There is only ONE TRUE HOLY WORD! And it lies in the GOSPEL of the FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!!
His Noodly Goodness touches and guides us always. DO NOT thow off his DIVINE NOODLE….cuddle up to it and it will speaketh volumes. Throw it off, and you will be cursed with eternal STD’s and luke warm beer without bubbles!!!
Leave YOUR FAKE CHURCH now and gain freedom of mind, freedom of fear…and see the REAL WORLD in all its splendor. Imagine, no longer having to wear the instrument of a long and painful death around your neck like a dog collar. All HE requires you to do is chill out and be a pirate on the weekends to lower global temperatures and stuff!!!
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Christians are truly insane, in my experience they are obsessive to the point of being ludicrous. We should and must mock and jeer them until they are but a distant memory. I have been touched by his noodely goodness.
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Blasphemy? What are you, a ancient persian? This is blasphemy! This is madness! No, THIS… IS… SPAAARTAAAAAA!!!!! lol 300 is like the best movie ever! And historically educational!
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Anyone who’s ignorant the truth are enslaved as fools, Live and let live
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Listen to yourself. “I’m right and you’re wrong, give up your misguided attempts and come to my totally legitimate and provable religion instead. Wow, your Flying Spaghetti Monster has no more real credibility than my Christ and the rather paradoxically monstrous incestuous patriarch of the Old Testament, but you know what, I believe it so it must be more true than what you believe.”
How can you be so narrow minded? And so arrogant – assuming that just because you claim to have seen the light you have the right to subject everyone you meet to your patronising attempts to save them. I am agnostic because I do not claim the indisputable existence of a higher power, and nor am I so arrogant as to say that I don’t think one exists, therefore it/he/she does not exist. Most major wars within the history of this world have been started because someone like you has claimed superiority over someone else. Then the testosterone-fuelled raving madness of having to prove your prowess as a man with a really big army comes out and bam, mass deaths. I respect your ability to believe blindly in something so obscure, I really do – but don’t you think that your Jesus with all of his teachings and preachings of love and acceptance would rather you listen for a change than he gains one more forced follower because you have twisted someones arm around their back and coerced them into believing. I’d rather take the Spaghetti Monster.
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i cannot and will not find jesus…cause finding jesus means i might have to spend eternity with nutjobs like this! i’m a hardcore darwin chick…but you could defo label me spagnostic! keep up the good work pastafarians…if proof is ever found confirming intelligent design I hope it’s the FSM.
peace, love and veggie sex
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“Please come to JESUS and be saved he wants to give you the gift of eternal life.”
Hmmm Eternal Life? Or Eternal PASTA? Well Living forever without pasta just seems so…Unfulfilling so i choose PASTA.
After all PASTA is tastier.
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CAPS LOCK is clearly a christian’s best weapon as they use it all the time and repeat everything over and over and over again. Leviticus is pretty nasty if you believe that bible your pretty sick (burn cities for not believing and kill everything). Also that stuff washing over you for FSM sakes don’t read a book in the shower (not good for the paper).
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I found Jesus, he was on South Park would find this website very funny indded!
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Well, if the Holy Spirit will WASH over me, I don’t know, I might wanna be a Christian.
=/
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“If you had it outs with the church before then fine don’t go to a church at first but at lease buy and ACTUAL BIBLE read it and pray and listen. You will be amazed when the HOLY SPIRIT WASHES OVER YOU.”
I really hate all this “read the bible before you go against it” stuff. Do they read the Kuran and study Greek myths and all the other teachings before they say they aren’t true? We can’t always know EVERYTHING in order to make an informed decision, that would make us omniscient gods ourselves. I try, at least, to be open-minded and somewhat knowledgeable about the beliefs of others. Why should I treat your bible with more reverence and suspense of disbelief than the teachings of Bobby Henderson?
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I like that “WASHES OVER YOU” is all caps so that we know it’s important. Your Jeesuhs shall wash us. Aaaaaalllll over! I hope he has soft hands.
- Bagelsauce
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Daniel: Despite your JESUS fixation, I’m glad you took the effort to mention the Holy Spirit. Of the 3 personalities of the schizto Christian God, he runs a distant third. In fact, if you relate your god to the 3 Stooges, he’s lower than Larry. Karl Marx said “Religion is the opiate of the people”. That would make the Holy Spirit your “Doctor Feelgood”.
God the father, like any old man, likes to take a back seat and relax. Probably too much; he lets too much slide here on Earth, wouldn’t you agree? When he was younger, he’d go around smiting people left and right, taking out whole cities like Sodom and Gomorrah. Maybe he’s too far gone to do much nowadays. Never heard of anyone with their own SON as part of their multiple personality.
Jesus on the other hand gets all the publicity. At least NOW he does. Funny how the historians of his day didn’t ever mention someone who was the object of Herod’s slaughter of the first born sons (no historical proof) the subject of a brutal execution (again, no historical proof), maker of miracles like raising people from the dead (first mentioned centuries after his death), and the first person ever to come back from the dead (according to only the bible – no historical proof, once again).
Why does Jesus get all the attention? Because he’s more like us! Humans created god AND his son, but we can humanize a Jesus better if we pretend he walked the earth.
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The holy spirit has already washed over you in a big, hot, steaming pile.
TRIPLE JESUS
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‘JESUS IS ALIVE’
According to your bible: ‘Jesus’ died almost 2000 years ago.
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Oh Daniel, you think this is a catastrophe? Wait until the Rapture occurs…planes without pilots falling from the sky, autos without drivers careening wildly into other autos, unflushed toilets full of stinky shit. But it’s all part of God’s plan, right?
-
ATSAP REVOL, The Bullshit Inspector
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Do people actually think that typing in CAPs or pleading will change anyones mind? Only through His Noodleness will I believe!! R’amen.
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