We have taken the time to read your manifesto

Published August 13th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

WE have taken the time to read your manifesto, and we think that you are crazy!!

And i personally cannot even fathom the level of mental retardation that you are on right now. how could you even think that their is a flying spaghetti monster out there. If this flying spag-hetti monster really exist how in the world did this thing form and tell me if their was spaghetti thousands of years ago through which he can form himself and move through walls.

How old is the person who invented this flying spag-hetti monster and was it a figment of his imagination, and how could people be so stupid to actually believe this non-sense!!!!!!

And why did you choose pirates that is basiclly sayin that the killing of human beings is the result of global warming send us an email explaining your logic toward this shirade.

ONE MORE THING, HOW IN THE WORLD CAN THE DISAPPEARENCE OF PIRATES EVEN EFFECT GLOBAL WARMING ANYWAY WHAT SO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. respond if you can defend your logic. thank you.

–stephen and darriel



198 Responses to “We have taken the time to read your manifesto”

  1. FSM Follower says:

    I… Think I can explain the Global Warming Theory, though I may be wrong. While pillaging and sinking ships, the pirates would return precious minerals to the Earth; Iron from cannonballs, Wood from ships, Biomass from the corpses. They tried(sadly, in vain) to stop the rich from getting richer; do you oppose Robin Hood?

    They did much of what some(SOME, not ALL, before you get on me) Christians on this site talk about. They(SOME) say “I wanna beat teh tar out off u all” because we don’t believe in their God. The Pirates, I assume, pillaged those who didn’t share our beliefs, so an eye for an eye, eh? And once we’ve all lost an eye, we’ll resemble pirates a bit more close!! We only took from the moderately wealthy and tried to spread the word of our religion; you have priests who molest children and aren’t open to new ideas. Did not The Bible say to keep your hearts open(I really have no idea; I assume it does)?

    ~~ FSM Follower

  2. euancharles says:

    Stephen and Darriel,

    Ordinarily I would say that everyone deserves an opinion, but as always, there is an exception to the rule. The two of you, are obviously too stupid to form a valid opinion and as such, I take it upon myself to relieve you of your right to do so.

    I still cannot get over the fact that this was the best 2 minds could come up with.

    1.Try maintain one perspective in your narrative. ‘I’ or ‘We’, not both.

    2. Learn the difference between their and there.

    3. I was unaware there (note correct usage of there/their) are levels of retardation you can actually be on. Really?

    4. Spaghetti, not spag-hetti.

    5. For this one I will assume you are christian as most people of your intellectual ineptitude (find a dictionary) are. Do you know how your ‘god’ was formed?

    6. This might confuse you but try to keep up – ‘I exist’, ‘you exist’, ‘they exist’, ‘he exists’, ‘she exists’, ‘it exists’. Say it over a few times, or try putting it on flash cards.

    7. Research the question mark and learn how to use it.

    8. Charade, not shirade.

    9. Learn how to differentiate effect/affect

    10. There is so much more, but I think this is probably enough for today. Unevolved brains tend to have a lesser capacity for learning.

    My logic? It’s quite simple really. I follow FSM because people of your calibre do not, nor could you ever as it is a little beyond your capacity to understand…

    In the name of Farfalle, Spirali, and Spaghettini

    RAmen

  3. Lundix says:

    I personally just love the ending;
    “p.s. respond if you can defend your logic. thank you.

    –stephen and darriel”

    Now, we don’t know if this person/these persons are religious. If they are, then they should understand that logic wouldn’t really have a lot to do with it. Faith is an emotion, logic is the absence of emotion. And our faith has at least covered why some scientiffic experiments don’t give results that are consistent with the gospel.

    His Noodly Appendages change the results so as to give us more time to search and play, instead of finding evidence at once and being left devoid of wonder. In hunting, alot of the fun is in the chase, not necessarily the kill in itself. That also goes for science.

    There is no decline in chance of beer volcano for being confused by His altering of results. To compare, the average deity threatens with hell and damnation if you let such pesky things as dinosaur fossils and carbon datings make you doubt that the world is younger than a million years old. “Haha, you idiot! Flying lizards, you’re a moron!” *presses button to open hidden hole in floor and send your sorry ass to hell without pasta and/or alcoholic beverage*
    His Noodly Awesomness the FSM is not a cruel child with a magnifying glass.

    Now for the subject of piracy vs global warming … Somalia is the country with the highest pirates-vs-normal-people ratio in the world. Somalia is also the country with the lowest carbon emissions in the world. Pirate activity has been growing for the last decade, and there has been a decline in the speed with which the global temperature is rising. Scientists are of course looking into how this is El Niño’s doing, since He is having a saucy time messing with the test results.

    In lack of an epic ending, I will simply say RAmen.
    -Lundix, passionate lover of pasta-

  4. Amaterasu says:

    I think all of them believe that the caps lock key gives them supernatural convincing powers…

    @ letter:
    WE have taken the time to read your letter, and we think that you are crazy!!

    And i personally cannot even fathom the level of mental retardation that you are on right now. how could you even think that their is a fold daddy in the sky out there. If this daddy really exist how in the world did this thing form and tell me if their was a daddy of years ago through which he can form himself and move through walls.

    How old is the person who invented this daddy and was it a figment of his imagination, and how could people be so stupid to actually believe this non-sense!!!!!!

    And why did you choose hell that is basiclly sayin that the souls of human beings in hell is the result of global warming send us an email explaining your logic toward this shirade.

    ONE MORE THING, HOW IN THE WORLD CAN THE APPEARENCE OF SOULS IN HELL EVEN EFFECT GLOBAL WARMING ANYWAY WHAT SO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    p.s. respond if you can defend your logic. thank you.

    See? It’s very easy to convert your arguments and use them against you. You only have to replace FSM with god and your other explanations.
    And yet you two are another example for the many people which fail compkletely at understanding the simplest satire.

    May the great noodliness be with you all!

    RAmen.

  5. Ryan says:

    @commenter 58

    actually, the Flying Spaghetti Monster was formed, when thousands of years ago, the universe was just huge concentrations of heat and energy…and random cells formed to make uncooked spaghetti noodles, and the heat cooked the noodles. The energy gave Him thought.

  6. ThePhilosopher says:

    The truth is within HIM … PAS … (pause) … TAFARI!

  7. Metal Head says:

    WE have taken the time to read your Bible, and we think that you are crazy!!

    And i personally cannot even fathom the level of mental retardation that you are on right now. how could you even think that their is a God out there. If this God really exist how in the world did this thing form?

    How old is the person who invented this God and was it a figment of his imagination, and how could people be so stupid to actually believe this non-sense!!!!!!

  8. Buy Links says:

    Amazing freakin blog here. I almost cried while reading it!

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