You guys are fucking creepy. I love spaghetti, and if i saw your so called “god” i’d throw some alfredo sauce on him and have me a nice italian/false god meal.
-Concerned Adult
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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I wouln’t eat your creepy zombie with any kind of sauce. Maybe with a dip.
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Dear concerned, concerning your concernation with the consumation of consecrated condiments, I concur.
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Chapter 5
Senator Don McFeign ran his fingers through his Crypt-keeper fine white hair as his limo drove him from his office to the White House situation room when he had a 2pm meeting scheduled with newly inaugurated President Iraq Bahama regarding this first crisis. It had been two days since the first of the ascencions of the Rapture Christians had taken place and several new waves of ascensions had occurred. Experts estimated that over 225 million world wide had disappeared into the sky.
McFeign had a big mouth and was known to speak without thinking. In the senate he often dozed off and his mind took him back to his days as a Pow in a Vietnamese detention camp. Often he would start awake in full combat posture exclaiming “All kill you all, you goddamn gooks!”
His senate colleagues treated these incidents with the ultimate forebearance, pretending in effect that they just didn’t happen whenever they transpired. “Best club in the world” thought McFeign to himself.
This time, however, he had really stuck his foot in it when he inquired why President Bahama didn’t just use the Air Force to “Shoot them all down.”
In spite of this McFeign was still considered an elder statesman, and as the opponent Bahamma beat in the election, his perspective on the crisis was nonetheless being sought out.
Clearly, McFeign had arrived. In spite of finishing at the very bottom of his class at Annapolis, in effect doing every bit as poorly as the tounge tied frat boy he sought to replace, though not quite as bad as the two time flunk out of a vice president who became head of the frat boys foreign policy intelligensia, he was being given a seat at the table in one of the most memorable meetings in the history of humanity.
Maybe because he married well. Mindy McFeign was the Ceo of the largest Absinthe distiller in North America, and they were rich. Condos at big sur, Mansions in the desert, and a 30 room retreat in the highlands of Kona. Yep he had it good, even if he got trounced in the election.
Coulda been the vice presidential choice. Not 30 minutes after it was made, every comic in America was praising McFeign for “picking the woman who would raise the son who would teach humanity how to fight back after all those computers on the web triggered a global thermonuclear war to wipe humans out.” Then they started to call her ‘SA-uh Cal-un” in their best Arnold accent. “Bastards,” he thought. “Now I’ll never get the chance to pay those Viet Cong back.”
Then, again, maybe it was how he tried to auction Mindy off to the bikers. Sometimes feminists didn’t like his fly-boy sense of humor. To this day he didn’t understand why they took umbrage when at that Biker convention he presented Mindy with a pair of kneepads and told her to “Work the Room” “Some people just don’t get it,” he thought to himself.
Well here he was, The limo pulled up to the White House lawn and McFeign got out, still a senator.
From the upcoming novel “Glad to Be Left Behind” by neal.
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Have you consulted your cardiologist about your use of Alfredo sauce. Pastafarians only use this rich bounty of the FSM on holidays, and only in sparing quantities lest too much of a good thing result in an early sojourn to the beer volcano. Just looking out for ya, even if I’m creepy. Love and Ramen.
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hey fiara before you say theory again you should look up the definition?
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The fact that you point out you’re an adult makes me question if you truly are, particularly because a concerned adult would perhaps choose better language.
Even so, partaking of our god would be a great privilege and experience. I pray you get such an opportunity.
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Our god goes great with alfredo, but may I suggest an aioli dip for Jesus?
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To Miss Dirty Trash Mouth who thinks we’re creepy; if you can’t have a little faith, well, I just feel sorry for you!
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Hmmmm…
We are the creepy ones… Well if I ever happen to see your God (To the best of my knowledge I have not already) rest assured I will attend Church and drink of his blood and eat of his body as you do oh so often… Now please go forth attend your Eucharist… Go eat your revolting flat bread have your sip of wine and leave the pasta and beer to us… You already consume your God don’t be greedy leave ours alone…
Love and RAmen to my fellow believers
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We’re not nearly as creepy as those who worship a zombie made of bread who was his own father.
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I like the idea of a Flying Spaghetti Monster, it amused me so much, I enjoyed the bit about the FSM on South Park as well, this may be a parody Religion but are there any actual followers?
Also who founded this Religion?
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You should eat spaghetti. It tastes much better than the 2000 year old flesh and blood of a zombie.
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@neal
Sorry to see that you are still trashing our website with politics. As satire, your piece on the Rapture could have been funny if your political nastiness wasn’t so shallow. Don’t bother finishing the novel; it won’t be a best seller.
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Concerned Adult?
You certainly didn’t go to school to learn about punctuation, It is ‘God’ my friend not “god”, ergo, if you didn’t go to school, I doubt you know what Religion means.
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@ Fenwick. You are entitled to your opinion. Perhaps you should just pass my posts by if they so offend you.
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@neal
I’d be happy to pass quickly by your posts if they were shorter. My finger gets tired of scrolling through your political drivel.
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I’m glad to see that you are eager to celebrate his noodliness, by eating his body that he gave for us, and his noodly sauces that he spread for us.
RAmen
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Thar ye be! The FSM always wanted ye t’enjoy ‘is nourishing an’ delectable qualities. Tho’I personally believe ‘ee wants y’ t’use tomato sauce a wee bit more, the FSM is always ‘appy t’see one such as ye benefittin’ from ‘is noodly goodness.
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Would it be possible for Him to make a meat ball so big, even His Great Noodley Appendage couldn’t lift it?
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@ Concerned Adult.
Thanks for the concern but no points for the foul language. You know what is truly creepy? Take a look at the Christian icon. A victim of torture. Spikes driven through his wrists and ankles, a crown of thorns around his bleeding head. This thing gets prayed to. Ewwwww! Now I don’t know what your Religion of choice is or even if you have one. I don’t even really care but you should at last be aware that when you come onto someone else’s site make sure you have your argument well thought out or else you may just find yourself looking really stupid.
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anna boddle o rum. What ho me hearties! Fenwick, swab the decks. Neal, come and sup at the captain’s table. Wanna tell you about me book on the Catholics: “No child’s behind left alone”. It’s a chiller.
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Nom nom nom…. classic white sauce… Alfredo, butter. Mmmmmmmmmm.
RAmen
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I would presume that, like most defilers or FSM’s name, “Concerned Adult” is a subscriber to Norse mythology. So I will wreak my vengence by having a Heimdallburger with cheese, a medium Dagr Pepper, and of course a large order of Freyjas, Odinn-sized. I hope such petty revenge schemes doesn’t make Mr Adult too Thor at me…
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just because you don’t approve doesn’t give you the right to trash this site
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@Yohoho and Neal
Excuse me fer bustin’ inta yer captain’s cabin and disruptin’ your sumptuous dinner, but I got bad news for the both of ye. Me and the crew bin havin’ ourselves a little discushun over a borrowed keg of yer rum, and we concluded that we ain’t swabbin’ yer slimey deck no more. In fact, we is plannin’ to let you take your desert with Old Davey Jones about fifty fanthoms down below the keel.
The plank is made ready fer yer walking pleasure, and we cordially invites you to make use of it without delay. In fact, we insists, so no “respondey silly voo play” is needed.
If you get my drift, this be mutiny, and I is unanimusly elected Captain. So, there’ll be no more of yer political pusilanimity aboard this here ship, ye pantywaist pirates.
CAPTAIN FENWICK
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i am a FIRL beliver in this, i dont like it when you pay out us FSM worshipers, one day you will be touched by his noodley appendage
RAmen
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Isn’t that what His Noodlyness expects of us, to enjoy a bowl of His Noodly Appendage? We are glad to see that some who are not of The Faith still support His Noodlyness.
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I love my noodley lord. I wish to partake of his Noodlyness and bite his meatballs….
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@ Fenwick. Perhaps if you weren’t raising your finger in so many one fingered salutes to you Pastafarian brothers you would have the energy you require to manage your own screen. As for your invitation to sleep in Davey Jones Locker, no thank you Sil Vous Plait. And I remain a political Pastafarian who will comment on what he pleases. No one died and elected you anything.
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@ neal
Oh my, did you think I would deprive you of your First Amendment rights to continue to show your ignorance? Too bad you lack a sense of humor to go along with your political “astuteness.” With that, I promise not to flame you further, my “Pastafarian Brother.”
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@FENWICK “ye pantywaist pirates.”
I bet you are gay. Come out of the closet you Christian fagot.
Neal is ok.
Lucifer
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How did he know we were fucking Creepy? Did one of the other dwarfs blab? Betcha it was that damn Sneaky.
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Dear @FENWICK: Neal forgot to mention and I think this is pertinent because McIdiot has been running this campaign based on, we’re at war, it’s a dangerous world out there. The Democrats don’t get that. I, John McInsane, am the only one standing between the bloodthirsty Al Qaedas and you. But if I die, this Beauty Queen Bimbo can handle it. After all she has being Governor of Alaska for 5 days and the Mayor of Wachuchi, Alaska. (Polulations 8,000)
@FENWICK I bet you are not only a gay Christian prist, I bet you are a Republican idiot.
Love,
Lucifer
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Dear @FENWICK: Neal forgot to mention and I think this is pertinent because McIdiot has been running this campaign based on, we’re at war, it’s a dangerous world out there. The Democrats don’t get that. I, John McInsane, am the only one standing between the bloodthirsty Al Qaedas and you. But if I die, this Beauty Queen Bimbo can handle it. After all she has been Governor of Alaska for 5 days and the Mayor of Wachuchi, Alaska. (Population 8,000)
@FENWICK I bet you are not only a gay Christian priest, I bet you are a Republican idiot.
Love,
Lucifer
Now Edited
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dear “concerned adult”, I question your use of the term “creepy”. what exactly is creepy about the FSM when compared to any other god? for the sake of argument, let’s use the christian god. the FSM would never convince anyone, let alone a father, to murder a child in his name, nor would the FSM make a bet with his evil opposite to inflict numerous plagues on a hapless but devout follower to see if he would deride the god’s existence. now that’s creepy. and that’s just 2 stories among many hundreds that are just as disturbing.
there’s no way would the FSM behave that way. he’s cool with everyone’s belief systems, even if they are a bit crude. live and let live, you know?
so take it easy, “CA” and try to understand the FSM instead of attacking blindly those whose belief systems differ from yours. remember this, my friend, your belief system differs from ours too.
just for clarification, please read the open letter to those kansans who wish to set science back centuries – and please don’t just look at the letters that make up the words, read as in comprehend those words. the letter’s not that long; it won’t take much effort.
if those who object so vehemently to the FSM, and rudely as evidenced in many of the replies slotted onto this webpage, would only do this one small thing, i think a lot of hostility would dissipate. it’s not like you don’t have time on your hands, buddy – you wrote in once already. so, take a few more moments and broaden those horizons. it’s a wonderfully interesting world out there and the FSM makes it moreso.
may you all be touched by his noodly appendage soon and often,
V
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Thanks guys
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Mc Cain was a good man, but the years of torture & paranoia are beginning tgo show & he is seeing non existent enemies. WORSE his new Hockey mom VP has less foreign policy experience than Wayne Gretszky has teeth!!!!! It IS a dangerous world out there but ONLY if we ALLOW Mc Cain & his Insane Geogian buddy to go around starting NEW wars, before they even finish the OLD ones………….
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DEAR NEAL, MV, and LUCIFER,
Mission Accomplished. My aim was to yank your chains and see if I could get you to howl. Flaming is fun only when one gets the kind of reponses you gentlemen made. Thanks for cooperating.
Your “Pastafarian Brother,”
FENWICK
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#82 TheFewTheProudTheMarinara Says:
“How did he know we were fucking Creepy? Did one of the other dwarfs blab? Betcha it was that damn Sneaky.”
.
Well I’m out of the loop. Didn’t even get the memo about Creepy…I thought it was Happy’s turn last week!
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umm…I’m creepy? Well yes I like to think of myself as a little “eccentric”, but, to be frank, I would like to say that YOU are the creepy one for saying im creepy when you believe in something that is obviously the work of a bunch of wackjobs who thought it was a heavenly message everytime they heard thunder. And furthermore, you’re in enemy territory bud. DOn’t talk unless you have some buddies to back you up, so BACK OFF dumb shit wacko!
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No problem, always fun to blast back at someone and not actually worry about getting fired over it.
RAmen!
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I have no problem with it either, FENWICK. If chain yanking and flaming others floats your boat, then, I guess, that’s what floats it.
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First off, there are many religions, just very small that are more peaceful than FSM, but ignoring that fact. I bet if your Church did get some extra zealots, it could get just as nasty, especially if people starting to see the FSM because her noodliness chose special people to see her divine image. It is primarily when religion is adopted by government that religion tends to go bad, one prime counter-example was an Emporer convert to Buddha from India who then began preaching forgiveness about two centuries before the birth of the anointed one. Christ is merely the Romanization of the jewish and greek term anointed one. Messiah is merely messenger such as Angelos, of Angel. Not necessarily the same as heavenly angel.
Btw, please stop fucking me!
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Mmm. Alfredo sauce is tasty on The Master, I’ll give you that one. But creepy? Ohhhh. I get it. You don’t look good in Pirate Regalia. Pity. We would love to have you over for a Noodly Communion. You could bring the wine. I’m sure your church can spare it.
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“You guys are fucking creepy. I love spaghetti, and if i saw your so called “god” i’d throw some alfredo sauce on him and have me a nice italian/false god meal.
-Concerned Adult”
You heard it people! A real live christian has said they will accept the FSM and partake in a delicious spaghetti meal in his name! RAmen!
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@neal
If you want to write a novel, then go for it, but maybe you should first learn how to spell… and then, also, some basic grammar.
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What goes bump bump bump in the dark?
ME WEARING MY WOODEN PIRATE LEG WHILST SINGING A JAUNTY SEA TUNE
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Guys – knock off the flame war. You sound like a bunch of imams. Sit down together for a nice plate of spaghetti, the perfect comfort food.
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i think fundie jeebus freaks are creepy, but I don’t go around to church websites leaving rude messages. how very ‘xist’ like of you. the FSM and Yeshua are friends, so mind your own business.
Just let me find what church you go to, and i’ll get Anonymous to raid your church webpage!
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I have no problem with it either, FENWICK, but remember that he who plays with fire sooner or later will get burned….
Lucifer
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