We have taken the time to read your manifesto

Published by Bobby Henderson August 13th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism).

WE have taken the time to read your manifesto, and we think that you are crazy!!

And i personally cannot even fathom the level of mental retardation that you are on right now. how could you even think that their is a flying spaghetti monster out there. If this flying spag-hetti monster really exist how in the world did this thing form and tell me if their was spaghetti thousands of years ago through which he can form himself and move through walls.

How old is the person who invented this flying spag-hetti monster and was it a figment of his imagination, and how could people be so stupid to actually believe this non-sense!!!!!!

And why did you choose pirates that is basiclly sayin that the killing of human beings is the result of global warming send us an email explaining your logic toward this shirade.

ONE MORE THING, HOW IN THE WORLD CAN THE DISAPPEARENCE OF PIRATES EVEN EFFECT GLOBAL WARMING ANYWAY WHAT SO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. respond if you can defend your logic. thank you.

–stephen and darriel

179 Responses to “We have taken the time to read your manifesto”

1. 161 - September 10th, 2008 at - grammar is rad Says:
   
   

   Before you post something to criticize others of being mentally retarded, you may want to spell check your post for errors in not only spelling, but grammar as well. It’s a beautiful thing.

   P.S. You should also defend the point you are trying to make with logic as well before challenging others to do the same. It seems as you both may have the mental capacity of 6-year-olds…combined.

2. 162 - September 11th, 2008 at - kinny Says:
   
   

   there are many differences between FSM and ‘God’…the main one is shown in the “Eight i’d rather you dont’s”

   1. I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.

   God on the other hand, said something like “ye shalt not worship false idols”…or “believe in me or i will kick your ass”

   this shows that FSM is not vain, he does not need everyone to believe in him, unlike “God”

   so dont come here and criticise our religion, we dont do it to you.

   may the sauce be with all you believers

   RAmen
   Kinny

3. 163 - September 15th, 2008 at - tinyopus Says:
   
   

   I think religion is cult, but to separate them would require a measure of how fanatic the followers are, and a timeline, how new is this religion. Also a comparison of the new “religion” or the “cult” vs. existing and widley accepted religions.

   Thats what i think…

   TINYOPUS

   ALL HAIL FSM

4. 164 - September 17th, 2008 at - baley Says:
   
   

   What I find retarded is that someone can possibly believe in a god simply because they were brainwashed into believing it - with no physical evidence. How the holy bible can be considered evidence is beyond me - a series of books written that long ago with no proof that any of what it contains is fact - and millions of people actually believe this simply because they are told it is true!!!

   There are mountains of hard evidence for theories such as evolutionism yet not one for the existence of god. How can any reasonably intelligent person dismiss all of this evidence when they have none to give themselves other than a collection of old books which are considered truth because the people who heard those stories all that time ago believed that such things were possible and the word spread.

   There is one set of retards on this earth - and it certainly isn’t the FSMists.

5. 165 - September 17th, 2008 at - Jonathan Says:
   
   

   That just shows how much you know about actual religion….And if you think seperating religions is stupid, then why did you say hail FSM as oppsed to hail all the gods of every religon put together?
   Doesnt make sense to me……

6. 166 - September 18th, 2008 at - RealPastafarian Says:
   
   

   You know what a dictionary is? No? Run to your mother and ask her to give you one. Open it and look up the word ’satire’. Because that is what this website is about. Satire. Humor. You are the retarded one if you aren’t able to see that.

7. 167 - September 18th, 2008 at - Nick Says:
   
   

   Hello? Thats the whole point, you moron! Religion does NOT make sense! It IS stupid, it IS crazy. All religion is. But everyone has some religious feelings–why not have a little fun with them? After all, they are crazy. Anyway, Christianity and the other major religions are no more logical than we are; the biggest difference is the intoleration for different beliefs. “I’d Really Rather You Didn’t #1: …if some people don’t believe in me, thats ok.” So don’t freak out, you are seeing it correctly, it IS crazy. What we have done is given people a tolerant way to deal with their craziness without hurting others.

8. 168 - September 19th, 2008 at - poop Says:
   
   

   WE have taken the time to read your manifesto, and we think that you are crazy!!

   And i personally cannot even fathom the level of mental retardation that you are on right now. how could you even think that their is a GOD out there. If this GOD/Jesus really exist how in the world did this thing form.

   How old is the person who invented this GOD/Jesus and was it a figment of his imagination, and how could people be so stupid to actually believe this non-sense!!!!!!

   And why did you choose saints and angels?

   ONE MORE THING, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU ARE BEING OFFENSIVE BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IN ANOTHER RELIGION OR IF YOU ARE JUST VERY GULLIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   p.s. respond if you can defend your logic. thank you.

9. 169 - September 19th, 2008 at - Wolfo Says:
   
   

   “HOW IN THE WORLD CAN THE DISAPPEARENCE OF PIRATES EVEN EFFECT GLOBAL WARMING ANYWAY WHAT SO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
   Well, less pirates.
   More global warming.

   …Agh… Oh well.

10. 170 - September 19th, 2008 at - Pirate Dan-Man Says:
    
    

    Alright. First things first. In the context “…monster really exist how in the world did this thing form and tell me if their was spaghetti thousands …”. Its not ‘their’. Its “there”. Learn basic 5th grade grammar before you insult other people. Should I dedicate this post to pointing out all your gramatical errors? I beleive I should. A * means an error.

    WE have taken the time to read your manifesto, and we think that you are crazy!!

    And i personally cannot even fathom the level of mental retardation that you are on right now. how could you even think that their* is a flying spaghetti monster out there. If this flying spag-hetti* monster really exist* how in the world did this thing form and tell me if their* was spaghetti thousands of years ago through which he can form himself and move through walls.*

    How old is the person who invented this flying spag-hetti* monster and was it a figment of his imagination, and how could people be so stupid to actually believe this non-sense*!!!!!! *

    And why did you choose pirates that is basiclly sayin* that the killing of human beings is the result of global warming send us an email explaining your logic toward this shirade.*

    ONE MORE THING, HOW IN THE WORLD CAN THE DISAPPEARENCE OF PIRATES EVEN EFFECT GLOBAL WARMING ANYWAY WHAT SO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    p.s. respond if you can defend your logic. thank you.

    –stephen and darriel

    8 big ones. Every single sentence was a run-on sentence. And now to answer your question.. How did the FSM begin? Well, tell me how the universe began. How did God begin? How did Allah begin? No one knows. Its not explained in any scientific works or any religious texts. I may be wrong about that, if I am, please reeducate me

11. 171 - September 20th, 2008 at - laurahenry Says:
    
    

    If you had truly read our manifesto then you would understand that pirates have been horribly misrepresented by the people who want to deny our truth of His Noodleyness and make us all believe that the FSM is unreal. Pirates were in fact kind gentle human beings who spread peace an love and gave sweets to small children. They are being killed off for their belief in the FSM by others who fear their kindness and compassion for all. Their depleting numbers are directly correlated with the increase in global temperature. Thank You and may the FSM put some sauce in your brain to replace its empty space.

    Ramen.

12. 172 - September 20th, 2008 at - Ishmael Says:
    
    

    Whats with the “retard” hate? Have you read the hate mail from the lunatic that wants to shoot retarded people into outer space. I have never met a mean, unhappy, spitefull, contemptuous, or otherwise unpleasant “mentally retarded person”. The world needs more of them and less stephen & darriels. At least the ‘tards would probably write more corherant letters.
    (yes I know I can’t spel)

    Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale (religion); to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hates sake I spit my last breath at thee. - Cpt. Ahab

13. 173 - September 21st, 2008 at - Ryan Says:
    
    

    I’ll never understand how people can miss the point entirely. If you swap God for FSM in your post it makes about as much sense to you as your post does to us.

    Thank you.
    __________________________________
    “WE have taken the time to read your manifesto, and we think that you are crazy!!

    And i personally cannot even fathom the level of mental retardation that you are on right now. how could you even think that their is a God out there. If this God really exist how in the world did this thing form and tell me if their was magic thousands of years ago through which he can form himself and move through walls.

    How old is the person who invented this God and was it a figment of his imagination, and how could people be so stupid to actually believe this non-sense!!!!!!

    And why did you choose crusaders that is basiclly sayin that the killing of human beings is the result of gods love send us an email explaining your logic toward this shirade.

    ONE MORE THING, HOW IN THE WORLD CAN THE DISAPPEARENCE OF crusaders EVEN EFFECT gods love ANYWAY WHAT SO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    p.s. respond if you can defend your logic. thank you.”

14. 174 - October 3rd, 2008 at - Stef Says:
    
    

    We have taken the time to decipher your ramblings, and have come to the conclusion that you, sirs, are retarded.
    Also, you got the pirate thing backwards. The lack of pirating (looting, not just killing people) is leading to increasing global temperatures, not the other way around.
    Regards,
    Stef
    P.S. Please respond once you’ve surgically removed your heads from each others’ arses.

15. 175 - October 16th, 2008 at - Vik Says:
    
    

    The link between Pirates and Global Warming is well documented. It is clearly shown that through time, that as the number of Pirates in the world decreased, global temperatures have increased. That’s as sound as any bit of Christian “science” out to date, so don’t tread on us.

16. 176 - October 17th, 2008 at - WMF Says:
    
    

    “tell me if their was spaghetti thousands of years ago through which he can form himself and move through walls”

    the oldest noodle found is 4000 years old, that’s older than Christ….

17. 177 - October 23rd, 2008 at - Joe. The Jew. Says:
    
    

    “Effect” is spelled with an A here…

18. 178 - October 24th, 2008 at - Teh Spag-worshipper (she of the crappy name) Says:
    
    

    We have deconstructed your criticism, Stephenanddarriel, and come to the conclusion that you do not know where hyphens belong.

    Besides, if one reads the Gospel (and I may be wrong in this), I do believe that it says that piracy was actually based around the practice of handing out candy, and the raping and pillaging are merely byproducts.

    We also have MPD, apparently. Or are possibly just royalty.
    Otherwise, we have no explaination for why this is being written in the plural, except that, from your capitalisation of ‘we’ at the beginning of this ‘argument’, it is clearly important.

    We remain sincerely yours,

    TS-W

19. 179 - November 19th, 2008 at - ronnie Says:
    
    

    yall are really fucked

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