You say you have read the Bible

Published July 8th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

This message was directed towards one of our members:

You say you have read the Bible. If you did you would have took something away from it other than it was crap so I say you are a liar. Not only that reading the Bible and studding the bible is two different thing. The bible clearly states that we have been given free will to serve God or not to. And here is something for you to think about, God made Satan and when he made all the angels he gave them the free will to serve him too. But Satan the father of all deception, had come to deceive himself into believing he was as powerful as God him self. You see when God created Satan he was the most perfect angel of all, and had powers that God allowed him to have. So Satan got to big for his pants and God kicked him out of heaven, the same way we do with our children today with our households. He gave Satan rule of the earth so when you say all of our problems started with a talking snake. Sorry your wrong again, it started again with Satan the father of all deception. He was able to deceive Eve into eating from the tree of life. You see Adam and Eve were as children and as easy as it is to trick a child it was as easy for Satan to trick them into disobeying Gods commandment. You also say you want to stop the war in Iraq. The Bible states that with faith the size of a mustard seed we can move mountains. You don’t really want to stop the war you just say you do because the only way to overcome evil is with God on your side. If you were really for stopping the war you would pray for Gods mercy, and not mock his power or love. You make a comment on the fact that God is vengeful for your sins, “YES” you better believe it and if you don’t now you will someday. You also make a comment that God flooded the world and killed everyone because they did not agree with him your wrong it was not because the people did not agree with him he has told us how it is he doesn’t need us to agree with him he is the one that is wright. He flooded the would, because he seen that there was none of it was good. God spread the word that the world was going to be flooded, and if anyone would have believed him they would have started building something to float on man. But it is the same as God has told you in the greatest book ever written, he is coming again and if you are not ready and living your life for him, than your gonna burn in hell. So you better building something to float on. You also comment saying “Adolf hated Jewish people of religion and race God hates Jews of religions”. Man are you sure you have read the same bible as me because my God “so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believing him should not parish, but have ever lasting life” JOHN 3:16 and JOHN 3:17 says For God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. How is that anything like Adolf Hitler??????? Man you’ve gotta be kidding me your questions are so easy to answer, I just do not understand you say you have read the bible what did you read man????????

your stupidity puzzles me more than your questions. And to wrap up your stupid question after question. you commented that Christianity made groups like the kkk. What??? I mean man come on, you have got to tell where did you pull this from. Do you have a book of how to be dumb for dummies? The organization KKK is answered by MATTHEW 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheeps clothing, but inwardly they are raving wolves. You better get on your knees and start praying man because you are playing with fire you don’t want to play with you are gambling with thing you really don’t want to be gambling with.

-brandon



206 Responses to “You say you have read the Bible”

  1. Hormah says:

    Ok here is one thing I don’t understand. You say your god created us with free will so we could choose whether to follow him or not. But if we choose NOT to follow him then we shall burn for all eternity. That doesnt really make it much of a choice.

    However, what about the tribes around Africa in the jungles and deserts who have never heard of your god? Surely it does not make sense to punish them for not following god when they are never informed of his existance. For someone who is omnipotent and omniscient he sure missed alot of people when he claimed these things.

  2. Garrick McElroy says:

    It’s like he’s a person, but stupider.

    By what logic do you deem something evil? Right and wrong are figments of the human imagination, nothing more. I know this because right to me isn’t the same as right to another person. Good and evil doubly so! Muslims who bombed the WTC were not evil, many of you will be angry with me for saying this I’m sure, but that is what they believed to be right. We saw it to be wrong. Two sides of the same coin. The crusades were considered “right” at the time, but we think they’re wrong now. We do not need God’s “mercy” (I would like an example of it though, for throughout the bible he is the most merciless God I’ve ever heard of) to defeat evil. Only to realise that it is not through guns and violence that we’ll convince them, but through Democracy and civility. Maybe your God will deem it right to kill millions, and send billions, possibly trillions, more to a place they will burn in agony forever, but I don’t think that is right.

    Here’s to hoping His Noodly Appendage touches you,
    -GM
    RAmen

    If you have any questions about, or just want to discuss the existence of the FSM, you can reach me at kanastag@comcast.net

  3. Garrick McElroy says:

    Johnathan #173

    The Bible has no contradictions… Really? Lemme give you a few quotes a fellow Pastafarian once posted:

    “For I am merciful, saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger forever.” (Jeremiah 3:12)
    “Ye have kindled a fire in mine anger, which shall burn forever.” (Jeremiah 17:4)

    “If I testify about myself, my testimony is not valid.” (John 5:31)
    “Jesus answered: Even if I testify on my own behalf, my testimony is valid.” (John 8:14)

    “And Jesus coming, spoke to them, saying: All power is given to me in heaven and in earth.” (Matthew 28:18)
    “the whole world is under control of the evil one.” (1 John 5:19)

    And Jesus said, “For judgement I am come into this world.” (John 9:39)
    “I came not to judge the world” (John 12:47)

    “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)
    “Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:1)

    “Jacob said, ‘I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.’” (Genesis 32:30)
    “No man hath seen God at any time.” (John 1:18)

    We should fear God (Matthew 10:28)
    We should love God (Matthew 22:37)
    There is no fear in love (1 John 4:18)

    “But anyone who says ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.” (Jesus) Mat 5:22

    “You fools!” (Jesus) Luke 11:40
    “You blind fools!” (Jesus) Mat 23:17
    “How foolish you are” (Jesus) Luke 24:25
    “But God said to him, ‘You fool!’ ” (Jesus) Luke 12:20
    “You foolish Galatians!” (St. Paul) Galatians 3:1
    “You foolish man” James 2:20

    I see a couple.

  4. Empty Sky says:

    “You say you have read the Bible. If you did you would have took something away from it other than it was crap so I say you are a liar.”
    Wonderful opening. You deny we have read a book full of contradictions, think that all we heard from it is that it was “crap”, and call us liars. Really brilliant.
    “Not only that reading the Bible and studding the bible is two different thing. The bible clearly states that we have been given free will to serve God or not to.”
    So… we choose not to. Got a problem with that?
    “And here is something for you to think about, God made Satan and when he made all the angels he gave them the free will to serve him too. But Satan the father of all deception, had come to deceive himself into believing he was as powerful as God him self. You see when God created Satan he was the most perfect angel of all, and had powers that God allowed him to have.”
    *coughWedon’tbelieveinSatancough*
    “So Satan got to big for his pants and God kicked him out of heaven, the same way we do with our children today with our households.”
    Wait, is that why you stop your child from living with you? Because he/she rebelled against you? Hon, did you ever go through adolescence?
    “He gave Satan rule of the earth so when you say all of our problems started with a talking snake. Sorry your wrong again, it started again with Satan the father of all deception. He was able to deceive Eve into eating from the tree of life.”
    So… our problems DID start with the talking snake.
    “You see Adam and Eve were as children and as easy as it is to trick a child it was as easy for Satan to trick them into disobeying Gods commandment.”
    If I had seen a talking snake as a child, I would have run away screaming.
    “You also say you want to stop the war in Iraq.”
    Yes. Yes we do. And the war was started by… oh… who again? What did he say? Did he say that God had told him to do it? Yes, yes he did. Oh deary me.
    “The Bible states that with faith the size of a mustard seed we can move mountains.”
    I’m torn between “prove it” and “you have to keep pushing while you’re praying”.
    “You don’t really want to stop the war you just say you do because the only way to overcome evil is with God on your side.”
    WHAT?! Look here, faith has NOTHING to do with my reasons for ending the war. It’s because people are DYING over there for a POINTLESS reason based on government LIES about weapons of mass destruction. It’s because we broke Iraq and it was none of our business to do so. It’s because America has to be the stupid world police. Where in the name of all that’s holy does God enter into that???
    “If you were really for stopping the war you would pray for Gods mercy, and not mock his power or love.”
    If you were really for stopping the war you would pray for the mercy of the FSM and not mock HIS power. Or love.
    “You make a comment on the fact that God is vengeful for your sins, “YES” you better believe it and if you don’t now you will someday.”
    Stale beer and diseased strippers, mate.
    “You also make a comment that God flooded the world and killed everyone because they did not agree with him your wrong it was not because the people did not agree with him he has told us how it is he doesn’t need us to agree with him he is the one that is wright. He flooded the would, because he seen that there was none of it was good.”
    Okay, apart from the atrocious spelling, grammar, and usage, “there was none of it good” means that no one agreed with him. In the mind of your zombie self-fathering fairy, non-worship means evil.
    “God spread the word that the world was going to be flooded, and if anyone would have believed him they would have started building something to float on man.”
    No, he just told Noah. Noah told everybody. Now let’s see how that would go over in modern-day America. “Hey, the voices told me water will be EVERYWHERE! We have to build boats! The voices said so!” Riiiight.
    “But it is the same as God has told you in the greatest book ever written, he is coming again and if you are not ready and living your life for him, than your gonna burn in hell.”
    I’d rather party with the sinners than weep with the saints.
    “So you better building something to float on.”
    I’d like to share with you a comment from “Hell and the High Schools”, a pamphlet published in the early 20th century. “The boasted builders of the Titanic boasted that it could not sink, and great throngs crowded on it and defied God that Sunday night with their revelry and sin; but the horrible death struggles in those icy waters bore tragic testimony to their fearful deception.” Nice. You’d like to have us either dead, or miserably worshiping your zombie. Real nice.
    “You also comment saying “Adolf hated Jewish people of religion and race God hates Jews of religions”. Man are you sure you have read the same bible as me because my God “so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believing him should not parish, but have ever lasting life””
    Wait, you’re telling me Hitler liked Jews?
    “JOHN 3:16 and JOHN 3:17 says For God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”
    Why is it always the Bible quotations?
    “How is that anything like Adolf Hitler???????”
    It’s the freakin’ Anti-Semitic bloodbaths. Where were you in the Middle Ages when Jews were the devil?
    “Man you’ve gotta be kidding me your questions are so easy to answer, I just do not understand you say you have read the bible what did you read man????????”
    The Bible. How ’bout YOU?
    “your stupidity puzzles me more than your questions.”
    Likewise, mate.
    “And to wrap up your stupid question after question. you commented that Christianity made groups like the kkk. What??? I mean man come on, you have got to tell where did you pull this from.”
    Hmmm… Christianity… racism… Ya know, those two really aren’t connectable at all! In any way! Definitely not! There has never been any occurrence that might ever, ever suggest that!
    “Do you have a book of how to be dumb for dummies?”
    Ha. Ha. Ha.
    “The organization KKK is answered by MATTHEW 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheeps clothing, but inwardly they are raving wolves.”
    No. No, it really isn’t answered. You say that the KKK was “false prophets”, which links them with Christianity. Unless you’re saying that the members of the KKK (white Southerners) were, um, Buddhist? In which case you’re even nuttier than I thought.
    “You better get on your knees and start praying man because you are playing with fire you don’t want to play with you are gambling with thing you really don’t want to be gambling with.”
    Ah, the metting of the mixaphors. How I love it so.

  5. Francesc says:

    #173
    “God made free will, he knows that Satan would turn on him, yet he cannot just NOT creat him”
    Then, what means almighty? Is God forced to do something by Destiny? Shouldn’t we pray to Destiny, then?

    “That would be unfair and God wants people to love him sincerely”
    I don’t think threatening me with an eternal torture is neither “lovely”, neither “fair”. And it is trying to force me into “love”, wich is not the best way…
    How do you know that God wants that? It’s not in the Bible.

    “If Satan had not existed, then all people would lead boring perfect lives all worshipping God. It is the fact that Satan exists that we can argue about FSM in the first place”
    Prove it.

    “The fact that many people do not know this ( I mean in FSM) and blam Christianity before you guys even know GOd, means that none of you have ever read the Bible before”
    Most of we have read the bible. All the Bible, not only the “sweet” parts.

    “P.S the serpent was the liar….not god. The definition of god means ifallible and divine…”
    According to your words before, the serpent was god’s creation, knowing that it would lie, and knowing that it would convince Adam and Eve. Then, isn’t god responsible?
    The definition of god means divine? Really, you can only think in circular reasoning?

    “P.P.S The bible never contradicts itself, only the uneducated think that way.”
    The Bible contradicts itself. Only uneducated fundies thinks it doesn’t. Saying a thing, and the opposite, is the definition of contradict yourself.

    “made sense to the atheists, but absolutely no sense with people who have actually read the bible”
    Again, lots of atheists out there know more about your book than yourself. They have read it. I have read most of it.

    “P.P.P.S Ergo, no one in FSM has ever read the bible”
    Haven’t you learn anything about logic?
    You can keep repeating for yourself that we are uneducated and devil, that we can’t understand the Bible; or you can read the Bible. Yes, really, I’m advising you to read the Bible. You will see murder, vengeance and hate. You will see rape and slaves. You will see God ordering genocide. You will see God murdering Job’s family and torturing him, in order to win a bet with satan.

  6. TheFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

    If I had more time, I WOULD study the buybull. I’d be looking for events chronicled nowhere else.
    There is plenty of scepticism about the very existence of Jesus, for instance. Lately I’ve been looking into the “slaughter of the innocents” by King Herod. You’d figure this would kick off a rebellion more than anything else – killing little children, and the first born sons, no less. Funny how NO MENTION of this atrocity is in the chronicles of the Romans or the Jews. Same with the cruxifiction, Jesus’s miraculous reappearance after death, the sermon on the Mount, etc, etc.

    Brandon, ever hear the old saw “Believe half of what you read”?
    You take whatever the old book says literally, don’t you? Open your eyes, son.

  7. snakeye says:

    GET A LIFE

    Think about it, is it really going to help convince Pastafarians, Atheists, and Agnostics that they’re wrong if you call them dummies? Will arguing how the Bible is perfect and how God is awesome somehow convert everyone?

    Try using some common sense. When trying to threaten a bunch of people who don’t believe in your God, how is mentioned Satan going to work? Fore people who don’t think Hell is a place, telling them they’re going to go there is like saying Barney will murder then in their sleep.

    “You better get on your knees and start praying man because you are playing with fire you don’t want to play with you are gambling with thing you really don’t want to be gambling with”
    Ever think of strip poker? I’m gambling with things I REALLY want to gamble with

  8. plumberbob says:

    @ – Jonathan – #173,

    “The bible never contradicts itself, only the uneducated think that way.”

    How many pairs of each animal were taken aboard the Ark?

    Have you studied the text so you knew why the author of each of the two interwoven Ark stories wrote it as they did?

    Probably your clergy has forbidden you to study or learn anything but the pap that they approve.

    RAmen

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