Simply put your a fuck-nut

Simply put your a fuck-nut. This icon you have
created will burn for eternity in hell with you. You
soulless bastard child. I know God created me but I
think you were created when a homeless asshole
masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by
lightning, a little Bobby crawled from the garbage and
would latter fill the heads of children with stupid
SHIT! I hope you chop your dick off so you cant
procreate. I shit on your faith in this delicious
Italian God. I have given up eating spaghetti.
-Thom

188 Responses to “Simply put your a fuck-nut”
  1. 1 - jeremykeys - May 24th, 2008

    This must be the “turn the other cheek” thing that is so big with the Christians, ya think?

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  2. 2 - Stephanie - May 24th, 2008

    Such fathomless Christian love, tolerance, and brotherhood from Thom! Just imagine spending eternity with him… (Would make a painful Hell of fire, brimestone, and torture an absolute joy).

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  3. 3 - GodlessHeathen - May 24th, 2008

    Persecution proves we’re on the path His Noodly Appendage means to guide us to. Arrrr!

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  4. 4 - Skeptical Monkey - May 24th, 2008

    Always nice to see how the opposition responds with sound, thought-out responses. More spaghetti for us…

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  5. 5 - godless hero - May 24th, 2008

    what is wrong with you? the FSM is a joke its for freedom of speech and if you don’t believe in freedom then go back to your muslem neo-Nazi home in Iraq

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  6. 6 - Kevin - May 24th, 2008

    and i’m sure that your god will appreciate this beautiful letter.

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  7. 7 - Ex-Captain Etay - May 24th, 2008

    I shit on your faith in this delicious Italian God.
    That’s only slightly disgusting, not to mention poorly worded and grammatically incorrect.
    So sad to hear you’re giving up eating spaghetti. You’ll soon find it’s difficult to avoid it.

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  8. 8 - Maratanos - May 24th, 2008

    I love how he has no qualms about saying we’ll burn in hell for our religion, while simultaneously breaking the tenets of his own by swearing left and right.

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  9. 9 - Maratanos - May 24th, 2008

    I love how he has no qualms about saying we’ll burn in hell for all eternity for our religion, while simultaneously breaking the tenets of his own by swearing left and right.

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  10. 10 - MMARN - May 24th, 2008

    Lol @ lack of sense of humor.

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  11. 11 - God - May 24th, 2008

    Ramen.

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  12. 12 - CaptOats - May 24th, 2008

    someone is a good Christian =O

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  13. 13 - Tom-Tom - May 24th, 2008

    Eugh, i sincerly hope thom doesnt equal thomas..that idiot has ruined my perfectly good name if so.

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  14. 14 - StJason - May 24th, 2008

    Arr! Ye be makin no sense!
    1) Ye believe that yer gosh made all men.
    2) Ye say that Bobby was made “when a homeless asshole masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by lightning”.

    Ergo, ye believe yer gosh is a “homeless asshole”?

    I won’t even go into yer obvious issues about the homeless. Poor Thom, scared o’ tem can collectors? Give ye th’ cobbly-wobbles do they?

    And once again, thank ye fer provin our crew to be classy and right, and ye crew to be incompetent dipwits.

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  15. 15 - Manbearpig - May 24th, 2008

    Lulz, no stupider shit than that which the christianity fills the childrens’ heads with and promotes. You’re an obvious testament that. Assuming your theory is true, wouldn’t that have all been part of god’s divine plan? I don’t think Jebus would approve of you blasting someone for something which is his dad’s fault to begin with. I don’t think he would approve of mentally retarded hate rants either. Oh well.

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  16. 16 - Manbearpig - May 24th, 2008

    Lollll, no stupider shit than that which the christianity fills the childrens’ heads with and promotes. You’re an obvious testament that. Assuming your theory is true, wouldn’t that have all been part of god’s divine plan? I don’t think Jebus would approve of you blasting someone for something which is his dad’s fault to begin with. I don’t think he would approve of mentally retarded hate rants either. Oh well.

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  17. 17 - Manbearpig - May 24th, 2008

    Lulz, no stupider s*** than that which the christianity fills the childrens’ heads with and promotes. You’re an obvious testament that. Assuming your theory is true, wouldn’t that have all been part of god’s divine plan? I don’t think Jebus would approve of you blasting someone for something which is his dad’s fault to begin with. I don’t think he would approve of mentally retarded hate rants either. Oh well.

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  18. 18 - Scott - May 24th, 2008

    Now, why are the angriest ones also the stupidest? First of all, it’s “you’re” not “your”, but why can’t you put all of that “creativity” and energy into examining your own faith? You’re the ones who believe that you need to wash babies because thousands of years ago, a rib woman was tricked into eating from a magic tree by a talking snake. That’s exactly what babtism and “original sin” are… silly, antiquated traditions and ideas dreamed up by superstitious bronze-age tribesmen.
    Scott

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  19. 19 - Kakakyle - May 24th, 2008

    christians… so hostile and dont see the point…. may his noodley appendage touch you and make u see the sauce… Ramen

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  20. 20 - Brother Boyardee - May 24th, 2008

    I don’t understand why our fellow theists are so hostile toward us. I really don’t. They seem to hate us even more than they hate atheists.

    It’s almost as if it is more important to believe in the right god than to believe in a god.

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  21. 21 - Greg - May 24th, 2008

    And yet another loving Christian.

    Judge not, and you’re pretty sexy when you’re mad, Thom.

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  22. 22 - Captian Crotch - May 24th, 2008

    Simply put, you’re terrible when it comes to writing.

    What’s amazing about this is you hurt your own cause. You just reaffirmed my belief that there is no argument against our God that uses logic, not to mention a mastery of the english language any beyond that of a 3rd grader..
    Have a wonderful day Thom.

    How do you “know” God created you?

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  23. 23 - Lish - May 24th, 2008

    I’m prettty sure that this hate mail is a troll, prolly another fellow pastafarian looking for some lulz. Especially with the last line, that just screams of trolling. I doubt that this is an angry Christian. :P

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  24. 24 - St John the Blasphemist - May 24th, 2008

    “Simply put your a fuck-nut.”
    .
    Simply put my a fuck-nut where?
    .
    St John the Blasphemist
    Saint of Sentence Fragments

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  25. 25 - saucynoodle - May 24th, 2008

    What exactly is a fuck-nut? Unfortunately for us, you were created by your parents. We will not hold it against you that they are brother and sister. With therapy I am sure you will recover and learn to savor in the noodly goodness and dance among the strippers.

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  26. 26 - Pastafreemason - May 24th, 2008

    I am starting to wonder if we do have any genuine hate male comming now adays……

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  27. 27 - Popeye (AKA The Hobo) - May 25th, 2008

    I love when people who failed 4th grade grammar insult a group with different beliefs while putting BME pain olympics and biblical ideals in the same sentence.
    More so when it makes them give up something as awesome as pasta.
    Also I love the part where you become truly jesuit and accept our differences.

    I salute you Thom, for your lack of basic grammar and knowledge of your own religion.

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  28. 28 - nate - May 25th, 2008

    wow. i just googled “flying spaghetti monster” and I find this awesome site! “oh, hate mail! this oughta be good for a quick larf” says I. my gracious…

    does anyone else find it slighty ironic that people claiming to be members of a religion that teaches love, clean living, brotherhood, and acceptance (christians) are the very same people that are writing threatening, violent, vulgar, and flat out offensive comments on this site?

    if i needed DEFINITIVE proof that i made the right decision to completely give up religion in any way, shape, or form, i have definitely found what i am looking for on these hate mail pages. i am very proud to say that i have nothing in common with people that write such intollerent comments about an obviously light-hearted jab at organized religion.

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  29. 29 - Aesi - May 25th, 2008

    “but I
    think you were created when a homeless asshole
    masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by
    lightning,”
    .
    HEY! MY BIRTH RECORDS ARE MEANT TO BE PRIVATE!
    .
    And at least i’ll have something to eat in “hell”, Thom. You’ll be starving. ;)

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  30. 30 - Reggie Dixon - May 25th, 2008

    Thom – If your beliefs are so threatened by satire that doesn’t actually name your beliefs and is satire of many other magical belief systems then is it time to question whether those beliefs stand up to serious scrutiny?
    You could for example tell me that the law of gravity was silly and wrong and parody it in the most outrageous terms but I would still not imagine I can fly or be in the slightest worried by you expressing your right to free speech.

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  31. 31 - Benny The Ball - May 25th, 2008

    AH, the beauties of an indoctrinated mind. Thom, you are displaying all the traits and moral ‘flexibility’ of a wonderful terrorist. The sheer hatred of another God you demonstrate in your letter is just the quality certain organizations are looking for. I don’t know about others, but ever since I became a boiled again Pastafarian, the one thing I am learning everyday, is that there is no person more hell-bent on death and persecution than a good Christian? Anybody agree? Oh and Thom, you KNOW nothing, just like we KNOW nothing. You just BELIEVE God made you as we BELIEVE the FSM made us.

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  32. 32 - mentos - May 25th, 2008

    Simply put learn grammar you idiot.

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  33. 33 - Cappy Caine - May 25th, 2008

    In reading many of the posts of these non-Noodlers, I would be interested in the results of a scientific study that would posit a relationship between the lack of mental discipline it takes to construct a clear, grammatically correct statement (without referencing excrement or sexual preference, preferably) and the lack of mental discipline it takes to rationally contemplate our existence.

    Is there a correlation? I propose that we divert a small portion of our resources from our efforts to prove the inverse relationship between global warming and the number of pirates (after all, that is a “gimme”).

    RAmen

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  34. 34 - Capn Tayth - May 25th, 2008

    mmm… fuck-nuts… What do they taste like? Anyone know?

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  35. 35 - Bhill - May 25th, 2008

    Thom thinks that Pastafarianism is “SHIT”, but by his own admission, he “think[s]” that people can be created when lightning hits semen in a garbage dumpster. Shoot, we have to teach this theory in science classes now, too! Like President Bush says, “part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought.” Where can I get a dumpster fish for my car? Preferably with lightning bolt and sperm.

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  36. 36 - Bhill - May 25th, 2008

    Just noticed the title of this page at the top of my browser.

    “Simply put your a fuck-nut at Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.”

    That’s a great slogan, if you read it in an exaggerated Chico Marx faux Italian accent.

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  37. 37 - Vietcong Charlie - May 25th, 2008

    Another failure of those ten wise things some wacko once said on a mountain. Really you christians should focus more on that part than getting your psalms right on sundays. And thank His Noodly Leader he didn’t finished the letter with god bless america. By the way a good day to you thom, you right-wing reactionairy hillbillyfuckup.

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  38. 38 - Arg Sayer - May 25th, 2008

    “I think you were created when a homeless asshole masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by
    lightning”
    .
    It’s a miracle! FSM bless us all…

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  39. 39 - Sarge - May 25th, 2008

    i dont understand why he had to abandon eating pasta?

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  40. 40 - Thorne - May 25th, 2008

    For a moment, I thought someone had nicked my name, and it was a fundy!

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  41. 41 - The Josh - May 25th, 2008

    So is bad grammar and a complete disregard for Christianity a Christian trait? Seems to be.

    Here’s the difference with FSM: we have our beliefs, and stick with them. Christians forget their supposed values when it is convenient for them. Then they wonder why we dont subscribe to it.

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  42. 42 - Pontus Judas - May 25th, 2008

    So the Christian God is a homeless man who masturbates into lightning-frequented dumpsters?

    Now that’s mnemonics at its best!

    And since the FSM is capable of burning in hell, you admit he is real.

    Ergo, if FSM is real, God isn’t…

    so you’ve proved us to be right!

    Excellent, lovely, cheerio! I need to get on my horse and proclaim the good news to the innocent and docile badgers and beavers that reside with me in my psych ward.

    Enjoy your cardboard crackers. I’ll enjoy my pasta, and the share you gave up.

    Love, Pontus

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  43. 43 - Matías Guzmán - May 25th, 2008

    I love this kind of hate mail, it’s so funny! RAmen

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  44. 44 - Phoenix Macskasy - May 25th, 2008

    Hi Thom. My name is Phoenix – and here is my Response to your thoughts.

    I discovered this SFM business within the last 30 minutes – but am intrigued enough to stumble accross this message, and feel compelled to put in my 2 cents. Let’s go over what you said now shall we, bit by bit (Don’t wanna ‘clump’ too much data – might confuse)

    You said: “Simply put your a fuck-nut. This icon you have
    created will burn for eternity in hell with you.”

    I say: Well, for one, Thom – Why do you feel it is necesarry to wish Bobby a sentence in hell, alongside ‘his icon’? Bobby has a way of thinking – as do us all – and he shared his perspective with the world. Now it is not Bobby’s fault that people listened, related, and decided to turn the Flying Spaghetti Monster into an Icon? Bobby did not Impose his beliefs – but simply put them up on the shelf, alongside all the other products of faith, knowledge, and wisdom. Most other religions, from what I have sampelled thus far, do everything but. Constantly, I have people pushing there views into my face – and explaining the nasty concenquences of my actions or lack of.

    We are told we’ll go to hell for not worshipping something which could only be believed in by a rational, logical, mentally-ballanced person, if he or she was to overdose on LSD and fall into a permanent state of dillusion. Even you, with your message, definitely does NOT support the views of your faith. Rememebr ‘free will’, and the whole thing about how God is meant to be shared, but not forced? Well now you are condemning an innocent man for putting forward another way of thinking, Formally-Politely-and-Rationally, and for sparking a movement which IS much easier for a half-intelligent man to fall into Without even Touching the micro-dots.

    You sound like another self-deluded idiot who has taken sides with something for that sense of power, security, or purpose – but if burning the notion of Freedom of Thought is part of your cause – then you will most liekly find yourself laying in the depths of your own hell – if you are not there right now (which would explain the attitude)

    You said: “You soulless bastard child. I know God created me but I
    think you were created when a homeless asshole
    masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by
    lightning, a little Bobby crawled from the garbage and
    would latter fill the heads of children with stupid
    SHIT! I hope you chop your dick off so you cant
    procreate. I shit on your faith in this delicious
    Italian God. I have given up eating spaghetti.
    -Thom”

    I say: “Well.. I don’t think much needs to be said here… In fact, why the fuck have I bothered spending five minutes on such an imbosile (ekscuse the spelling)- But somebody who posted above does push the good point – how do you ‘Know’ you were born? If facts were a part of religion, then said religion would not require ‘Faith’, but ‘Opinion’.

    And the concept of the FSM is rather simple.. The Flying Spaghetti Monster explains that it is what ever the consumer makes of it – as long as the cuase is for bettering the world. If by offering freedom of thought and flexibility, for the Good Cause, is an evil thing – Then perhaps you don’t Deserve to eat spaghetti.

    And it is that simple. Thankyou.

    ~Phoenix~

    Woman: “Is it a Bird?”

    Man “Is it a Plane?”

    Bystander “No – It’s the Flying Spaghetti Monster!… how the fuck does that look Anything, like a Plane?…. or a bird?.. MAN we’ve got some stupid people in this world”

    **Christian approaches with Box of Bibles**

    Christian “Would you like a Free Bible Sir? It’s the Latest Edition?”

    **Bystander stares at man. Turns. Walk away**
    “Like I need any more Evidence”

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  45. 45 - J to the C - May 25th, 2008

    Tom,

    Learn how to spell your name frist, then work on the grammar and punctuation.

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  46. 46 - jeremykeys - May 25th, 2008

    a friend of mine let me glance through the Christopher Hitchens’ book “God is not Great”. Although I don’t agree with everything he says; and I haven’t read all of it; gotta buy a copy; it raises one particularly important point. On the seventh day God rested. So what did he do on the eighth? Well Thom, he either fucked off or made idiots like you.

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  47. 47 - LadyGnocchi - May 25th, 2008

    I agree… they probably wanted to provoke a response :P

    ‘I shit on your faith in this delicious Italian God’

    If I had to hazard a guess, I would even say they were a b3tan, or at least frequented SomethingAwful, or similar.

    Twirly dough-based love xx

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  48. 48 - hi - May 25th, 2008

    hey u fuck-a-nut or whatever… are you talking about ur self or something? cause based on all the shit u wrote, i think ur facing a little denial…maybe you should talk to someone about ur story, instead of saying someone else faced that

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  49. 49 - pastamasta - May 25th, 2008

    This may be a revelation! Is it possible the tree in the original drawing is a fucknut tree?

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  50. 50 - Ashley - May 25th, 2008

    It’s great to know that there are such open-minded people out there…

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  51. 51 - David J - May 25th, 2008

    St. John, I would put my “a fuck nut” up Thom’s ass, but his head is blocking the entrance…

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  52. 52 - Dylan - May 25th, 2008

    What a nice guy, we really should get together for dinner in my dumpster sometime.

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  53. 53 - ace_rancid - May 25th, 2008

    I don’t think putting my fuck-nut here will be quite as simple as you say, Thom…

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  54. 54 - Stereotypical Environmentalist… - May 25th, 2008

    I would just like to point out that removing one’s penis does not prevent procreation so long as the individual still has intact testicles. Sperm can likely be sequestered by some means and then used to fertilize an egg.

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  55. 55 - W. Oursl - May 25th, 2008

    A remarkably well put together letter…Given another 20 centuries, we might actually get something readable out of the Christian faith.

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  56. 56 - Cottura 5 Minuti - May 26th, 2008

    I hope hell is split up into layers like Dante writes. That way I can avoid Thom and his peers and just hang out with the other pagans like Vergil, Ovid, Aristotle, Plato, etc.

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  57. 57 - Meisha - May 26th, 2008

    I’m almost sorry that you’ve given up eating Spaghetti…but then I realize you are not worthy of being touched by the Noodly Appendage or any other for that matter.

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  58. 58 - Dillon -(LostInPlainSight)- - May 26th, 2008

    Yup, I have to admit, these get more interesting all the time, don’t they? I’m an intermittent site viewer here, but EVERY TIME I see more stupidity posted in these forums… strange….

    (p.s. Saint John, if you aren’t already, you should be an English teacher….)

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  59. 59 - Ouch - May 26th, 2008

    No! You are.
    *cough*

    “Pardon me. I took a trip back to my childhood and come up with something on your level. No more replies are necessary as they clearly will not be understood by the angry zealot.”

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  60. 60 - kelly - May 26th, 2008

    christians scare me

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  61. 61 - Meryn. - May 26th, 2008

    So Funny, words can’t explain how much of a joke religion is.
    ramen.

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  62. 62 - Memoriam - May 26th, 2008

    I’m inclined to agree with Lish on this one. Troll. The sheer stupidity of the wording just screams joke topic.

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  63. 63 - brian atherton - May 26th, 2008

    dude you totally ripped off kenny vs spenny with that homeless guy jerking off in a dumpster comment if your going to come to this site and insult people at least say something original and you say you “know” god created you your parents created you by having sex you werent sculpted out of clay by an invisible man who lives in the sky what you meant to say is you believe god created you there is a big differance between knowing and believing and as for going to hell thats fine with me who wants to go to heaven if its going to be full of christians

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  64. 64 - Joe - May 26th, 2008

    hahaha… wow… the overly religious… how… entertaining… acting as if he cares so much about children. how many would be put into therapy if they saw this little rant. i personally believe more in the goodness of pasta than of the unseen and the one who “works in mysterious ways”… how mysterious is the christian god? “thou shall not kill” the oldest and most well known testiment, no? Why not look back at the crusades? countless innocent killed… almost every single testiment broken on the way to spread gods “grace”… please… Thom… i hope you like your blind ignorance to your own relgious following… enjoy your bigotry, im sure thats just “wwjd” (what would jesus do) …just for you thom… because im positive you only know profane hate… you did’nt give much more off.

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  65. 65 - Kameryn - May 27th, 2008

    See, THIS is the reason why I’m ashamed to admit that I’m a Catholic. On behalf of the entire Christian faith, I apologize for the complete and utter stupidity of such an intolerant whelp of a whore. Personally, I think the Flying Spaghetti Monster is pretty badass, even if that’s not what I believe.

    And besides, this guy’s probably a Baptist. They don’t like to drink like we Catholics do, which would probably be a good thing, since the stereotypical Baptist doesn’t have very many brain cells to begin with.

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  66. 66 - mutabor - May 27th, 2008

    When was the last time we got a hate mail that was not dripping with half-wittedness and misspellings? It appears that your typical hate mailer can’t tell the difference between “your” and “you’re” or “you are”.
    Is it perhaps popular and “hip” to sound retarded?

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  67. 67 - Al - May 27th, 2008

    Whats a fuck-nut ? the vern-noun association is unknown to me. Technically speaking it should be classed as a command, possibly to an overexcited squirrel. Further elucidation is required sirrah

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  68. 68 - Ash - May 27th, 2008

    wats with all the swearing i think thats done a lot more damage than this theory has although this must be a joke right.. well i hope so because i have a major concern for the creators mental health if not.

    ash g, ibiza

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  69. 69 - Pirate_Ed - May 27th, 2008

    Ahhhhh……once again we are awash with the love and tolerance from a representative of the christian faith.

    RAmen All

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  70. 70 - elise the pirate - May 27th, 2008

    hell is not a real place

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  71. 71 - BlackGoth69 - May 27th, 2008

    Thom is right even though I think he spelled his own name wrong. This religion is stupid and homeless masterbation sounds like the proper origin for it.
    BlackGoth69

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  72. 72 - GOD - May 27th, 2008

    hello my name is god. and im here to say that i happened to have created a homeless man who then jackked off into a dumpster and made you. your a big douche nozzle and if you don’t shut up talking about made you and i love you and that bullshit. I’m going to drown you in a puddle fuck. Now i;m going to go and eat my saucey goodness because i am in fact made out of spaghetti you dumb ass.

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  73. 73 - Christopher Seemann - May 27th, 2008

    Thom is a funny name, well THOM i don’t get how a child born of semen and lightning makes you a believer in god, but i for one think it would be cool to be born of lightning, you could be electric, that would be fun, as for filling peoples heads with shit, i don’t see how your god is any more logical

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  74. 74 - Vermicelli - May 27th, 2008

    Seems to me that only a God could create human life by striking sperm in a dumpster with lightning.
    Conversely, two (lower) primates mating and creating a baby named Thom, is pretty run of the mill biology, surely God doesnt need to be involved here.

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  75. 75 - neal - May 27th, 2008

    Here’s one for the fundies out there, since they believe the bible is literally true in all it’s particulars, they believe in the great flood where the deity drowned all but eight people.

    I know what they (the fundies) say: They all deserved it. After all, didn’t god have Noah go around looking for righteous men, and promising if he found a few, he (god) would spare all humanity, instead of drowning them?

    So it s was cool right? God only drowned the bad people, right?

    Well, what about the children. If there were say only 100 million people in the world at the time of the flood, and god killed all but eight of them, then weren’t there also about 30 million children under, say, age 10 among their number?

    Did those kids deserve to drown like rats. because their parents were disgusting to god?

    That’s the being that the fundies are worshipping. Now tell me the fundies aren’t very different from all the rest of us.

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  76. 76 - Shannon - May 27th, 2008

    It’s funny because I could probably go and kill 4 people on purpose in cold blood and still have more of a chance of getting into Heaven (if such a place exists) than you.
    Judging by how messed up you are to actually go to the trouble of writing such a weird hate-fuelled post. If it wasn’t a joke. Which I seriously hope it is. But would not be surprised if it isn’t..

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  77. 77 - Peruvian - May 28th, 2008

    Hey!! Hey look over on that map thingy on the right, the one on the very bottom.. ya lookin’? ‘k GOOD, you see that lonely little dot in south america? LOOK AT IT!!! do you see it?? THAT’S MEE.

    And, by the way, I’ve read two topics in which alleged “hate mail” is posted. In both cases it’s pretty obvious that neither is actually hate mail, both are made with a clear trolling intent and, apparently, both where made by people of the community.
    The idea that you would fabricate your own hate mail is extremely lame and suggests that some of you thrive on the supposed controversy that the FSM brings up. Which is really too bad considering the validity of the point that’s being made… Seriously the idea that someone would fabricate an attack on themselves to have someone to call stupid, thus validating their own position, just seems stupid and wrong. A bit sad too.

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  78. 78 - lol - May 28th, 2008

    whats the point of this hate mail why would you actualy bother writing hate mail its a really big waste of time plus you would have to look for pastafarianism.

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  79. 79 - Al - May 28th, 2008

    Sorry neal, there were a whole lot less than 100 million people around at the time of the alleged flood, a whole lot less. World population can’t have been more than a couple of million. However – even funnier, just 8 people survived huh (and they were related by blood) ? Well according to genetics they would have died out in just a few generations – too small a gene pool. There would have been some horrific inbreeding then death….

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  80. 80 - James D King of Pirates - May 28th, 2008

    Im pretty sure it was spaghetti that gave up being eaten by you, we are peaceful and it is asswipes like you that should stop procreating to shove a religion starring a sadistic incest freak down their throats.

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  81. 81 - Cheldric - May 28th, 2008

    The answer to the question “What is a fuck-nut?” Well – that is the part that gets screwed onto the top of a fuck-head. It’s usually a good substitute for a right wing-nut. I’m just saying. Ramen.

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  82. 82 - Tessie - May 28th, 2008

    God may have created you……

    either on purpose or as a result of a sudden sneeze.

    Peace and pass the parmesan.

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  83. 83 - Kent - May 28th, 2008

    I kind of think this was just a troll. I doubt anyone who was really serius would write the last two lines

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  84. 84 - ET, the Extra Terrestrial - May 28th, 2008

    Brainless twit. I bet he gets really mad and yells at the TV when his guy doesn’t win wrestlemaina.

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  85. 85 - Ben - May 28th, 2008

    Wow, thats, just wow. you need a life. i think all this hate is just cuz they wish that theyre god was as awesome and cool as the flying spaghetti monster. Because the FSM never killed anybody, didnt start any wars and is just plain awesome!

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  86. 86 - Pacific Pam - May 28th, 2008

    I don’t wanna go to heaven…heaven is full of people who do not know how to have fuuuun, and I do not want to go to hell because hell is way too hot for me…
    I think I preffer a little place right next that awesome beer volcano…and a sit in front of the stripper factory…
    I love pasta…I think I will have some nachos tonight…mmmm nachos…

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  87. 87 - Michael - May 28th, 2008

    Your story of Bob’s ‘creation’ sounds like the birth of a homeless superhero, maybe Hancock.

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  88. 88 - pogo_it - May 29th, 2008

    i like the bit where he denies a creationist god
    “I know God created me but I
    think you were created when a homeless asshole
    masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by
    lightning”
    hey ho, may you be blessed by his noodly might

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  89. 89 - damasta - May 29th, 2008

    Thank “god” for pastafarianism.

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  90. 90 - Boarg - May 29th, 2008

    I agree that this appears to be a troll. The standard of basic diction and spelling is almost up to public school level and far ahead of home-schooled god-botherers.
    RAmen

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  91. 91 - Pastasauce Pete - May 29th, 2008

    bad grammar, why should i care what they have to say? talking about homeless spooge in a dumpster. i wont fret about these people, im just waiting for the coming of the garlic bread. ramen!

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  92. 92 - Jeebuz - May 29th, 2008

    Grammar just cried, again.

    RAmen!

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  93. 93 - neal - May 29th, 2008

    @Al. So I guess god only drowned around 600,000 kids in the great flood. I wonder how many puppies and kittens would have been drowned as well. Anyone have an estimate of their population around the time of Noah?

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  94. 94 - JHC - May 30th, 2008

    I love how he’s obviously seems to hate us Pastafarians so much, yet still refers to FSM as a “delicious Italian God”.
    Obviously he has been secretly touched by his noodly appendages.

    RAmen

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  95. 95 - Fusillier - May 30th, 2008

    Aren’t Christians lovely

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  96. 96 - Wet Wheat Noodle - May 30th, 2008

    Wow. FSM must be real. It has brought unto our heads the hatred that only true religion can provide.
    I bow my head in semolinic deference. . . into a plate of pesto.
    RAmen

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  97. 97 - DavidH - May 31st, 2008

    @ Neal – somewhere on the net I found a neat bar-chart showing that in the bible god killed 2,038,344 people and Satan killed 10. Can’t find it again now.

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  98. 98 - DavidH - May 31st, 2008

    @ Neal – found that bar-chart now.
    digg.com/odd_stuff/Who_killed_more_people_in_the_Bible_image

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  99. 99 - Katie - May 31st, 2008

    did your god teach you all those words, too? The Noodly One considers it creativity, but i’m sure your god would consider it something along the lines of blasphemy… my condolences.

    RAmen

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  100. 100 - Dylan - May 31st, 2008

    Yet another Christian with a way with words…

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  101. 101 - Laughing Atheist - May 31st, 2008

    Well, the FSM will smite you with his giant balls. If your god was real, I’d be surprised he’d put so much effort into creating such a hateful religion-fueled asshole as yourself. Oh, right, I’m sorry, he “loves” you all.

    As for your “chop your dick off” comment, 1) who the hell would do that but religion fanatics, and 2) Beliefs aren’t passed through offspring, MORON. Unlike your children, ours are raised to think for themselves, not whipped into belief.

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  102. 102 - Devolution - Jun 1st, 2008

    wow To make fun of someone else’s Religion??? how Funny! I’m not in any religion
    but i still think if you beleive in a jewish Zombie that you telepathically Ask for forgiveness
    that also asks that you eat his flesh and drink his blood? Wow id rather believe in a Magical kitty with a top hat that Shoots Fairy dust out of its behind
    these hate mails just makes me wonder do all idiots have a loose tounge or is that just the priest
    alone with you in the room?

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  103. 103 - Casi - Jun 1st, 2008

    Once you get the criticism and hate mail of older, more established religions, you know you’re going in the right direction. They’re jealous and scared of losing their place in the world. May the misguided be touched by the noodly appendage of the FSM.

    RAmen.

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  104. 104 - sumo - Jun 1st, 2008

    Jar bless all ranting Xtians. When will they reach true enlightenment, and
    know in their hearts that FSM is the sauce of all Creation?

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  105. 105 - Mike Wasdin - Jun 1st, 2008

    “Simply put your a fuck-nut”

    LMAO! Yet once again a Christian nut job has left a prolific post. I always love it when someone implies others are stupid and they are not smart enough to know when to use “your” and when to use “you’re” lol. Thanks fuck-not for demonstrating your pathetic command of the English language. This is why Christians believe in nonsense. They are too stupid to know any better.

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  106. 106 - Dimitri - Jun 1st, 2008

    “the garbage and would latter fill the”

    Latter? Did he really mean later? Clearly, this putz is grammatically challenged.

    I love this guy. Proof positive that incest is fun for the whole family…

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  107. 107 - Miguel Duarte - Jun 1st, 2008

    This man must be a true Christian, he speaks words of peace and kindness to Jews and Gentiles alike, just like Jesus did.

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  108. 108 - Wench Nikkiee - Jun 2nd, 2008

    The fund a mentalist (s) seem to be pretty pissed off lately. Wonder if it has anything to do with the dismal failure of their Expelled… *science leads to Nazis and killing..this movie will prove it..just you wait and see*… propaganda piece of intellectual pornography as well all the recently failed DI *Academic Freedumb Bills!
    .
    EPIC FAIL YECS!

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  109. 109 - Jamin’ - Jun 2nd, 2008

    HAHAHA! “soulless bastard child” HAHA! That’s gold!

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  110. 110 - jj - Jun 2nd, 2008

    Is it just me or does the hate mail like this seemed too forced? Either this guy is actually full of anger and hatred or he’s provoking responses with random insults. Either way I’m not really liking the guy.

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  111. 111 - ●Andy● - Jun 2nd, 2008

    “…you were created when a homeless asshole masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by lightning, a little Bobby crawled from the garbage”.

    Wha? Is this a new form of intelligent design, or a retelling of the story of Frankenstein to appeal to homeless readers?

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  112. 112 - George - Jun 2nd, 2008

    These christians are grumpy! Hahaha… He of course isn’t going to go to Hell… He, of course is godly for wanting people to “chop your dick off so you cant procreate”, and is going to heaven! Yaaayyyy! :) GO FSM!!!! Whooooo! YEAH!

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  113. 113 - Jack D - Jun 2nd, 2008

    Aw… did someone get up on the wrong side of the Jesus this morning?

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  114. 114 - Kp - Jun 2nd, 2008

    Cripes, do you pray to YOUR god with that mouth??

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  115. 115 - PastaPirate Josh - Jun 2nd, 2008

    hey, a creative message. you used a different word than fuck, you said bastard. i spose that makes you sound better. no. it doesn’t. the message itself will slit your throat, stomp on your body, and sh*t in your mouth, that’s how much you killed that message.

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  116. 116 - Pasta Acolyte - Jun 2nd, 2008

    *Tastes the air* Sorry, I find irony delicious.
    You are insulting our religion, while saying a homeless man has the powers of your god.
    RAmen

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  117. 117 - Sorta Newly Converted - Jun 3rd, 2008

    God must be so proud of his followers like this guy. :D

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  118. 118 - Steve B. - Jun 3rd, 2008

    Uh oh, thats wrath! Tsk tsk. Somebody’s in trouble now.

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  119. 119 - neal - Jun 3rd, 2008

    @David H: So god only murdered 2.3 million people (not counting kittens and puppies). I feel much better about him now.

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  120. 120 - Antman - Jun 4th, 2008

    how poetic

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  121. 121 - Plague Chicken - Jun 4th, 2008

    I just like how the icon will burn in hell…
    Do jpgs burn hotter than gifs?

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  122. 122 - Someome who belives - Jun 4th, 2008

    OMG this is so amazing……….truly this is amazing, i personaly think anyone who insults anouther religion is a racist and im no racist this is so amazing honestly :)

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  123. 123 - Joba-Fett - Jun 4th, 2008

    I have to say, I’m an Irish Catholic, and this dude even ticked me off… Sorry everyone. I think the FSM is cool. Carry on…Ahr….

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  124. 124 - Gavin - Jun 5th, 2008

    simply put his ‘afucknut’ where?

    what is an ‘afucknut’? i’m confused…

    and speaking of filling children’s heads with shit… what do you call: “Happy shall they be who take your little ones and dash them against the rock!”- Psalms 137:9. what are you filling your childrens’ heads with?

    and that’s fine that you don’t eat spaghetti or other italian dishes now, there’s always lobsters and crabs…OH WAIT!!!

    But anything in the seas or the streams that does not have fins and scales, of the swarming creatures in the waters and among all the other living creatures that are in the waters—they are detestable to you
    Leviticus 11:10

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  125. 125 - TheFewTheProudTheMarinara - Jun 5th, 2008

    Good point, neal. Notice how the hate mailers either want to burn atheists at the stake or
    expect their god-of-love to do it for them? That’s because punishment and guilt is what religion
    is all about. Had a debate with a bible-pounder not long ago who couldn’t seperate morality from
    belief in a god. As in “what keeps you in check if not for that big boogie man in the sky”? Sad.
    They don’t realize it’s the promise of the volcanic beer and infinite stripper supply. R’amen.

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  126. 126 - retlar - Jun 5th, 2008

    Again…USLESS ANGRY BANTER!! dang nowander its so hard for christians to change the lives of people. when people like these come onto websites and damn people to hell insted of doing what should be done.. just plant the sead…thats all you have to do… A question for you… does a tree grow with place under the ground and then set ablaze??? No it does not. it requires water…

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  127. 127 - ET, the Extra Terrestrial - Jun 5th, 2008

    @Neal, Al, and David H:
    here’s a link to an obviously thoroughly researched and therefore extremely accurate and detailed analysis of the historical trends in world population. Notice that the graphs start with a population of two, show a parabolic increase until the sudden drop at “Noah’s Flood”, and then resume the parabolic increase.
    http://ldolphin.org/popul.html
    *throws up, mostly into wastebasket*

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  128. 128 - ARk - Jun 5th, 2008

    Being a human being with a monkey brain means that when we are subjected to horrible things, over and over again, for a long time, those things will become familiar and even comforting on a social level. We will feel insulted if we hear someone attacking, or even offering an alternate viewpoint to, our beliefs.

    The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster offers a more peaceful contemplation of monotheistic creation theory, and does not rely on the torture-porn approach that Christianity uses to shock and stupify.

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  129. 129 - BoBoGoGo - Jun 5th, 2008

    Damn.. You’d THink that the REligious Christ fags would Spend Less time insulting THe FSM.. And More time trying to Convert His followers.. But NOOO they Resort to Violence. xD

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  130. 130 - Beardyoldgit - Jun 6th, 2008

    ET – you owe me 10 minutes – the amount of life I spent trying to find some sense in that doc. I’ll accept it at the beer fountain:)

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  131. 131 - Dynomike - Jun 6th, 2008

    I love it when “christians” damn others to hell, by the way, where is the discription of the burning? I’ve read the Bible (well the volgate of st jerome) and there are only filmy references. Note, no attempt to ’save’ anyone, just a judgemant of damnation. Nice. Amennnnnarrrg

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  132. 132 - yago - Jun 6th, 2008

    its funny how people pick sides ABOUT THE RELIGION!!!!!!

    that isnt the debate this is supposed to start!!!!!!

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  133. 133 - CristyG - Jun 6th, 2008

    Well, if that doesn’t make you want to drop all you have and turn to christ i just don’t know what will. I mean really? Really???? Thanks for proving what people like me have been saying for years. christianity is a cloak, it is not who you are, it is simply a covering for weakness. True selfs always show through. And these lovely words of anger examplify that perfectly.

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  134. 134 - neal - Jun 6th, 2008

    @ET the Extra Terrestral.

    Yeah, if I didn’t believe the whole thing was fictionalized bullshit, I’d be ralphing too.

    But the point is, the fundies believe all this shit is literally true, and they still profess their love for Yaweh, the blod drenched murdering baby killing monster, and some if not many of them want to infringe on the way the rest of us live our lives, to bring us all into line with their way of thinking.

    It’s like having a group of Moslem fanatics living among us trying to impose Sharia law, only it Leviticus law. That is what the so called culture war of the last 30 or so years has been about: A sizable, monied minority who want to subvert our most basic democratic values to impose an atavistic system on all the rest of us. Because of them, none of us have been able to enjoy our freedoms without harassment.

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  135. 135 - Mike(ARrrrrr) - Jun 6th, 2008

    I love how people go on about how they are so christian and how god made them and they so totally follow the exact word of the bible and they do nothing wrong.

    ‘I know God created me but I
    think you were created when a homeless asshole
    masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by
    lightning, a little Bobby crawled from the garbage and
    would latter fill the heads of children with stupid
    SHIT! I hope you chop your dick off so you cant
    procreate. I shit on your faith in this delicious
    Italian God. I have given up eating spaghetti.’

    Damn…if thats what your god is like then i dont want any :O
    May you be touched by his noodley appendage.

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  136. 136 - jeff - Jun 7th, 2008

    yes plague chicken jpgs do burn hotter gifs but mpgs burn hotter then jpgs,and i belive gavin verbaly raped you thom and how are you any better than the guy who made this website for coming here and trying to tear someone down for having a little fun. noboby forced you to come here and look at this website i personaly am christian but i still chuckle at this anyway. and im glad that you gave up spaghettl dickhole now there is more for me

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  137. 137 - The Kings’ Jack - Jun 7th, 2008

    someone must have a fuck-nut up their ass…and i love how hate-mailers continue to contradict themselves, first you were created by god, then you talk of procreation…well which is it that created you, god or a happy fuck-nut?

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  138. 138 - Cap’n Jolly Boots - Jun 8th, 2008

    If my some miracle lightning flew into a dumpster and created a baby, doesnt that prove that god wanted this religion formed and hense must be the great FSM?

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  139. 139 - strawberry - Jun 8th, 2008

    haha! i laughed when i read this. this person calls themself a christian when there all cussing and everything.

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  140. 140 - neonnoodle - Jun 8th, 2008

    Thom…..yet another hate-filled religious fanatic who is incapable of intelligent thought. The part that really made me burst out laughing was the final sentence “I have given up eating spaghetti”. He actually genuinely believes that somehow this will strike a blow against his new rival god the FSM.

    The Flying Spaghetti Monster has an invisible tendril in your mind Thom. You can deny spaghetti but you cannot deny HIs love. The FSM loves you and will care for you no matter what…..unlike your twisted, spiteful god that apparently burns people in a giant oven for not believing in his invisble ass!

    RAmen

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  141. 141 - yogi - Jun 8th, 2008

    if you found the bible in a used book store, and had never known about the bible or christianity previously to this discovery, you certainly wouldn’t open the book and think that the texts in the bible are the meaning of life. One would throw the book in the garbage.
    christianity is bullshit if you’re a part of it’s mass congregation of simple minded people then feel sorry for yourself or just open your eyes ;]

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  142. 142 - Metro - Jun 9th, 2008

    All hail our creator, the homeless @$$#013!

    Ha-ha, just my little joke.

    As I recall he was a spacey-looking dude with a long beard who wore very little by way of clothing and preached a lot to anyone he met about god. Who could worship an @$$#013 like that?

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  143. 143 - grimPA - Jun 9th, 2008

    and you pray to your diety with that mouth? shameful.

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  144. 144 - Captain Spam - Jun 11th, 2008

    Yay! Mindless drivel being flung from the mouths of the intolerant Christian masses!
    It is fun to laugh at, though.

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  145. 145 - Ben jammin’ - Jun 12th, 2008

    Am I the only one noticing a pattern of hate-mail saying that we will: “Burn in Hell for all eternity”? Wasn’t the view that a sense of humour is a cardinal sin abolished after Vatican 2?

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  146. 146 - Benny The Ball - Jun 12th, 2008

    The missing link mate……http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2006/apr/06/evolution.fossils

    And many more are to follow I’m afraid.

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  147. 147 - neal - Jun 13th, 2008

    Yogi makes a great point. If Xtainity were to emerge today and no one in the world had ever heard word one about it, people would think it was outlandishly absurd.

    Everything from the murderous blood stained father who drowned all humanity, sentenced everyone to die after eve ate the apple, had Jonah take a ride in a whale’s belly, ruined Job’s life, told Abrahan to murder his own kid, killed all the first born of Egypt, had is chosen people committ genocide on the origninal inhabitants of Palestine, and demanded is own son be nailed to a tree to allow mankind to party with is ghost.

    Then there’s Jesus, the economic radical who promulgated love while speaking in parables changing water into wine, raising the dead, curing the lepers, feeding 5000 from the 1st century equivalent of a McDonalds happy meal, walking on water, and being a zombie for 40 days by rising from the dead before beginning the 15 billion+ parsec intergalactic journey by “ascending” into heaven.

    After that we have the Holy Ghost who is kinda like Teller to J.C’s Penn. HE gives 12 fishermen followers the backbone to create a world wide religion and thereby stary 2 millenia of interreligious strife, warfare and pogroms.

    Then there are the dire predictions of REvelations which were written to scare the shit out of the flock and compel their obedience at all times.

    Yeah, it would all fly if it were introduced today. NOT!

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  148. 148 - Jimi - Jun 17th, 2008

    MY shiny green rock is WAAAAAYYYYY luckier than your shiny green rock and if you disagree I’ll commit atrocities in my green rock’s name to prove to you it’s power.

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  149. 149 - matt - Jun 17th, 2008

    You have proved that the prophet who brought us the FSM, was indeed a result of immaculate conception. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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  150. 150 - Bobstan - Jun 18th, 2008

    Of course, we believe that YOU shall be the one to burn, or at least miss out on the beer volcano and stripper factory that awaits all true Pastafarians!

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  151. 151 - Proxy - Jun 19th, 2008

    don´t worry, we will find a nice small room with very soft walls were you can live! :)

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  152. 152 - EvolvedApe - Jun 20th, 2008

    Halfway through Richard Dawkins ‘The God Delusion’. How anyone could read it and not become either an atheist or Pastafarian straight after would simply be mad.

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  153. 153 - Kat - Jun 23rd, 2008

    Haha. He gave up eating spaghetti over it. That’s pathetic, his loss.

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  154. 154 - Laurielegit - Jul 2nd, 2008

    God, these people need to go on some kind of grammar course. The message should read:

    Simply put, you’re a fuck-nut (Was originally ’simply put your a fuck-nut’). This icon you have
    created will burn for eternity in hell with you. You
    soulless bastard child. I know God created me but I
    think you were created when a homeless asshole
    masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by
    lightning, a little Bobby (My name ain’t Bobby) crawled from the garbage and
    would latter fill the heads of children with stupid
    SHIT! I hope you chop your dick off so you can’t (Was cant)
    procreate. I shit on your faith in this delicious
    Italian God (Makes no scene at all). I have given up eating spaghetti.
    -Thom

    Compared to others this letter was good on grammar.

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  155. 155 - Pirate ass - Jul 3rd, 2008

    All hail Neal and Yogi!!!! Prophets of Pastafarianism.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  156. 156 - Publik Uprising - Jul 4th, 2008

    Sorry, but there is no “God” and there is no “Hell” in the form you describe. There is only His Noodliness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

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  157. 157 - James - Jul 6th, 2008

    Yet more profanity – i.e. more sin! Good luck in, um, “Hell”. Also for your seeming unforgiveness (I swear Jesus taught “turn the other cheek” and all that. Hmm…)

    Don’t you just love religion? If it’s true (which it isn’t) he’ll burn in “Hell” just like we will. If getting the chance to avoid him isn’t a reason to convert to Christianity then I don’t know what is! (It’s certainly not how believable it is).

    Also, “your a fuck-nut”. My a fuck nut?

    Get some grammar, arsehole.

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  158. 158 - Ex-Captain Etay - Jul 6th, 2008

    Editing this hmail, sentence by sentence:
    Simply put your a fuck-nut.
    “Your” is a possessive. You’ll want “you’re” there. Also, drop the hyphen and just make it “fucknut.” It looks and sounds better that way.
    This icon you have created will burn for eternity in hell with you.
    You may consider capitalizing “hell,” since it’s a proper noun. Though, if it isn’t capitalized in the Bible, then don’t bother.
    You soulless bastard child.
    This should be connected with the previous sentence, forming “…in hell with you, you soulless bastard child.”
    I know God created me but I think you were created when a homeless asshole masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by lightning, a little Bobby crawled from the garbage and would latter fill the heads of children with stupid SHIT!
    I’m going to go ahead an completely revise this sentence. Here goes: “I know God created me. However, I believe you were created when a homeless asshole masturbated into a dumpster that was later hit by lightning. Sometime after the storm ended, a little Bobby crawled out from the garbage, who would later fill the heads of children with stupid shit!” I dislike the fact that you call an anonymous homeless man an asshole, but I tried to keep your words in there anyway.
    I hope you chop your dick off so you cant procreate.
    “Cant” should have an apostrophe in it, like this: “Can’t.” Also, I would use “reproduce” in place of “procreate,” just because it sounds like you’re using a thesaurus.
    I shit on your faith in this delicious Italian God.
    This sentence is weird. I would totally rewrite it. I think you’re trying to say that you’re shitting on the faith itself, though at first glace it looks like you made a typo, replacing an intended “and” with “in.” Also, “delicious” is a complimentary adjective. You should drop it, as well as “Italian,” because it’s inaccurate. You see, the Chinese invented noodles, not the Italians.
    I have given up eating spaghetti.
    I think there should be an “on” after “up” and before “eating,” but it could work just as it is.
    -Thom
    Here is where most hmailers identify their religion, for the clarity of others, though you’re fine.

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  159. 159 - jillian - Jul 6th, 2008

    oh stfu.

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  160. 160 - KaiserBill - Jul 6th, 2008

    ROFLMAO, he gave up eating spaghetti! Now, I suggest we create a religion that worships breathing air and see how many idiots we can get to suffocate themselves! xD

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  161. 161 - F. Dwarf - Jul 7th, 2008

    That attitude will lead you straight to be condemned to drink stale beer, surrounded by strippers with VD.

    I hope you open your eyes and your stomach to Him, and be touched by His Noodly Appendage.

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  162. 162 - DrainedAgain - Jul 7th, 2008

    I understand. I gave up stale croutons and grape juice after losing my religion.

    EvolvedApe: re: “The God Delusion” – just finished that and am reading Dawkins’ “The Blind Watchmaker” Great stuff. I mentioned it to someone the other day – not the brightest knife in the toolshed – and he said, “The guy from Family Feud was a biologist??”

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  163. 163 - Raist - Jul 7th, 2008

    RAmen to F.Dwarf

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  164. 164 - Lola - Jul 7th, 2008

    I say a DNA test would prove who your daddy really is…

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  165. 165 - adam - Jul 10th, 2008

    “homeless asshole”

    not a very charitable attitude is it?

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  166. 166 - Dangerstevey - Jul 10th, 2008

    Isn’t cursing and mentioning masturbation against your beliefs? You’re an asshole.

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  167. 167 - Tuuli - Jul 11th, 2008

    Christianity:

    The religion of love, forgiveness, and justice for all mankind.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  168. 168 - Kate - Jul 13th, 2008

    Oh no.
    This is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. Seriously, I’m emailing this to everyone I know. Absolutely beautiful. I don’t think I could’ve written a more skillfully crafted bash of the Christian religion. Thank you, Thom. I would shake your hand. Seriously, you proved we don’t have to go around preaching the pastafarian doctrine. You’ll soon convince every intelligent Christian that they’re fighting for the wrong team anyway.

    Jesus, the ending gets me every time.

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  169. 169 - Kate - Jul 13th, 2008

    Shut up, you communist Nazi Jew. Go back to Canada.

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  170. 170 - jambomuffin - Jul 14th, 2008

    Thom is clearly a mature intelligent person who has carefully balanced the arguements surrounding Gods existence.

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  171. 171 - Davie Jones in His Latter Years - Jul 14th, 2008

    Have we formed a missionary group yet? While we don’t really need to preach conversion there is a clear need to go to the Xtian enclaves and teach spelling (although this poor lost soul managed “procreate” he lost points on contractions).

    Thom: send your address, I’ll rush you a copy of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, primer version. In just a few short weeks you’ll be writing words like “Arrrgh” and “RAmen”. When you get your reading skills up to par the true bliss of His Noodliness will make you a much calmer person. It’ll (It will, excuse me) surprise you how calm you will be when you find the right god.

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  172. 172 - Johann McGillicutty - Jul 17th, 2008

    Your typical loving, tolerant, and friendly evangelist.

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  173. 173 - John - Jul 17th, 2008

    Thank you henderbob! You have opened my eyes! Bobby Henderson was, according to you, a virgin birth! Just like Jesus! All hail Bobby and his good news!

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  174. 174 - Captain RedTom - Jul 18th, 2008

    1: Is not lightning controlled by “God” according to the Xtian religion?
    2: If you find pasta delicious, why stop eating it?
    3: not everyone named thomas thinks like that… Just in case… So I can protect my good name… ARGH!!
    RAmen!
    -Cap’m RedTom

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  175. 175 - Jules - Jul 18th, 2008

    Wow… I thought the Christian religion was supposed to be a loving and kind religion? A religion that opens its’ arms to people?
    Well, Thom, you’ve readily proved that the Christian Church has some serious issues it needs to deal with.
    And, I also thought [well USED to think] that Christians frowned upon foul language. -claps- Well done for showing me the real deal about how you think.

    Also, thank you for re-enforcing my love for the Church of the FSM, because “simply put”, you’ve showed us all that it doesn’t get any better than His Holy Noodliness.

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  176. 176 - Darwin’sMonkey - Jul 18th, 2008

    Dude!!?? You kiss your god with that mouth??

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  177. 177 - jessay - Jul 19th, 2008

    Daww, another super friendly Christian just trying to show how much jeebuz ♥ us. You’re mistaken my fat friend, I see people all the time in Christianity’s merchandise, next time Google search your own rants to make sure their real.. Dumb-ass
    These are the bible verses that I never hear from Christians, probably because they don’t read their bibles and atheists are Christians who know how to read.
    Ephesians 6:5 – Slaves are to worship their masters as Christ rather then man.
    Leviticus 15 – (Direct reference to you) – Women on their periods are unclean and sinful, they must offer sacrifice.
    Deuteronomy 22:24-26 – It’s the woman’s fault if she gets raped.
    There are so many more passages with”questionable” morals, go read your “good” book, and you will be questioning yourself on whether or not haircuts will end you hell. Like when god flooded the earth, what about all the children and infants and fetuses that had no defence, why did they have to die?

    “Ahhh, This book doesn’t have any answers!” -Homer Simpson.

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  178. 178 - free spirit - Jul 20th, 2008

    Why do “we” refer to FSM as HIM, HIS, He? Can we not have an androgynous (did I spell that right?) creator?
    curious…

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  179. 179 - DutchMan - Jul 20th, 2008

    This is a strange message indeed. What does Thom mean with delicious Italian God, the pope? Thom is in the wrong, we don’t have faith in rich old guys – otherwise we would be more likely to love Bush sr. Which brings us to bastard children: why does Thom think he’s talking to Bush jr., and why does he call him soulless? (Thom must be a close friend to one of the Georges, actually being allowed to call him Bobby and knowing he has no soul.) And what I don’t get is that Thom says he’s created by some being, which is one moment called God, and the other moment is referred to as a homeless asshole? Thom must be confused, in several ways. Let’s help him out here: Thom, you’re talking to Pastafarians on this site, not Christians.

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  180. 180 - Seriously Confused - Jul 23rd, 2008

    Hahaha. Wow, I had an incredibly difficult time taking this rant seriously. So.. you’re a devout Christian, huh? One who follows the 10 commandments and preaches about love and forgiveness and acceptance? Well, as a Pastafarian i must say that I truly feel loved and accepted by you. It’s no surprise to me that after reading the Bible (assuming of course, that you actually do so) that you are full of ignorance, hypocrisy, and intolerance. I hope that your forgiving God welcomes you into the gates of Heaven with open arms after reading that angry, hate-filled rant towards those of us who aren’t brainwashed by ancient texts that he didn’t even write himself. Have a good after-life.

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  181. 181 - Blowhizzler - Jul 29th, 2008

    No Spaghetti anymore? You punish yourself.
    What about Noodle or Maccaroni?

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  182. 182 - Turnip - Aug 8th, 2008

    Is this meant to be satirical of hate mail?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  183. 183 - Lisa - Aug 9th, 2008

    His Noodlyness burn in Hell with us? But I don’t like burned Spaghetti!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  184. 184 - Jamononon - Aug 23rd, 2008

    Doesn’t Jesus teach you to love people, cos that isn’t a particularly loving email!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  185. 185 - Ntcommie - Sep 10th, 2008

    I doubt Jesus ever used such imagery.

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  186. 186 - Dane - Sep 30th, 2008

    Way to leave us hanging. Where do you want meto “simply put” my fucknut? You can’t leave me like this!

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  187. 187 - Teh Spag-worshipper (she of the crappy name) - Oct 24th, 2008

    Well, if the FSM burns in hell with us, at least we’ll have great company.

    Imagine the PARTIES we’ll have, people!

    And don’t dis the hobos, Thom. They’re brilliant, brilliant people, as evinced by the fact that, according to you, the FSM chose them to be the vessels for the birth of His chosen one.

    At least it’s less paedophilic than using a twelve-year-old girl.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  188. 188 - Mike - Mar 17th, 2009

    Instead of hating us why don’t you put that energy into helping all those “homeless assholes” like your god spoke of over 200 times.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American




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