Simply put your a fuck-nut. This icon you have
created will burn for eternity in hell with you. You
soulless bastard child. I know God created me but I
think you were created when a homeless asshole
masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by
lightning, a little Bobby crawled from the garbage and
would latter fill the heads of children with stupid
SHIT! I hope you chop your dick off so you cant
procreate. I shit on your faith in this delicious
Italian God. I have given up eating spaghetti.
-Thom
Simply put your a fuck-nut
Published by Bobby Henderson May 24th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 188 Comments
188 Responses to “Simply put your a fuck-nut”
don´t worry, we will find a nice small room with very soft walls were you can live! :)
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Halfway through Richard Dawkins ‘The God Delusion’. How anyone could read it and not become either an atheist or Pastafarian straight after would simply be mad.
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Haha. He gave up eating spaghetti over it. That’s pathetic, his loss.
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God, these people need to go on some kind of grammar course. The message should read:
Simply put, you’re a fuck-nut (Was originally ’simply put your a fuck-nut’). This icon you have
created will burn for eternity in hell with you. You
soulless bastard child. I know God created me but I
think you were created when a homeless asshole
masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by
lightning, a little Bobby (My name ain’t Bobby) crawled from the garbage and
would latter fill the heads of children with stupid
SHIT! I hope you chop your dick off so you can’t (Was cant)
procreate. I shit on your faith in this delicious
Italian God (Makes no scene at all). I have given up eating spaghetti.
-Thom
Compared to others this letter was good on grammar.
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All hail Neal and Yogi!!!! Prophets of Pastafarianism.
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Sorry, but there is no “God” and there is no “Hell” in the form you describe. There is only His Noodliness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster!
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Yet more profanity – i.e. more sin! Good luck in, um, “Hell”. Also for your seeming unforgiveness (I swear Jesus taught “turn the other cheek” and all that. Hmm…)
Don’t you just love religion? If it’s true (which it isn’t) he’ll burn in “Hell” just like we will. If getting the chance to avoid him isn’t a reason to convert to Christianity then I don’t know what is! (It’s certainly not how believable it is).
Also, “your a fuck-nut”. My a fuck nut?
Get some grammar, arsehole.
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Editing this hmail, sentence by sentence:
Simply put your a fuck-nut.
“Your” is a possessive. You’ll want “you’re” there. Also, drop the hyphen and just make it “fucknut.” It looks and sounds better that way.
This icon you have created will burn for eternity in hell with you.
You may consider capitalizing “hell,” since it’s a proper noun. Though, if it isn’t capitalized in the Bible, then don’t bother.
You soulless bastard child.
This should be connected with the previous sentence, forming “…in hell with you, you soulless bastard child.”
I know God created me but I think you were created when a homeless asshole masturbated into a dumpster and it was hit by lightning, a little Bobby crawled from the garbage and would latter fill the heads of children with stupid SHIT!
I’m going to go ahead an completely revise this sentence. Here goes: “I know God created me. However, I believe you were created when a homeless asshole masturbated into a dumpster that was later hit by lightning. Sometime after the storm ended, a little Bobby crawled out from the garbage, who would later fill the heads of children with stupid shit!” I dislike the fact that you call an anonymous homeless man an asshole, but I tried to keep your words in there anyway.
I hope you chop your dick off so you cant procreate.
“Cant” should have an apostrophe in it, like this: “Can’t.” Also, I would use “reproduce” in place of “procreate,” just because it sounds like you’re using a thesaurus.
I shit on your faith in this delicious Italian God.
This sentence is weird. I would totally rewrite it. I think you’re trying to say that you’re shitting on the faith itself, though at first glace it looks like you made a typo, replacing an intended “and” with “in.” Also, “delicious” is a complimentary adjective. You should drop it, as well as “Italian,” because it’s inaccurate. You see, the Chinese invented noodles, not the Italians.
I have given up eating spaghetti.
I think there should be an “on” after “up” and before “eating,” but it could work just as it is.
-Thom
Here is where most hmailers identify their religion, for the clarity of others, though you’re fine.
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oh stfu.
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ROFLMAO, he gave up eating spaghetti! Now, I suggest we create a religion that worships breathing air and see how many idiots we can get to suffocate themselves! xD
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That attitude will lead you straight to be condemned to drink stale beer, surrounded by strippers with VD.
I hope you open your eyes and your stomach to Him, and be touched by His Noodly Appendage.
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I understand. I gave up stale croutons and grape juice after losing my religion.
EvolvedApe: re: “The God Delusion” – just finished that and am reading Dawkins’ “The Blind Watchmaker” Great stuff. I mentioned it to someone the other day – not the brightest knife in the toolshed – and he said, “The guy from Family Feud was a biologist??”
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RAmen to F.Dwarf
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I say a DNA test would prove who your daddy really is…
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“homeless asshole”
not a very charitable attitude is it?
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Isn’t cursing and mentioning masturbation against your beliefs? You’re an asshole.
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Christianity:
The religion of love, forgiveness, and justice for all mankind.
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Oh no.
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. Seriously, I’m emailing this to everyone I know. Absolutely beautiful. I don’t think I could’ve written a more skillfully crafted bash of the Christian religion. Thank you, Thom. I would shake your hand. Seriously, you proved we don’t have to go around preaching the pastafarian doctrine. You’ll soon convince every intelligent Christian that they’re fighting for the wrong team anyway.
Jesus, the ending gets me every time.
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Shut up, you communist Nazi Jew. Go back to Canada.
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Thom is clearly a mature intelligent person who has carefully balanced the arguements surrounding Gods existence.
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Have we formed a missionary group yet? While we don’t really need to preach conversion there is a clear need to go to the Xtian enclaves and teach spelling (although this poor lost soul managed “procreate” he lost points on contractions).
Thom: send your address, I’ll rush you a copy of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, primer version. In just a few short weeks you’ll be writing words like “Arrrgh” and “RAmen”. When you get your reading skills up to par the true bliss of His Noodliness will make you a much calmer person. It’ll (It will, excuse me) surprise you how calm you will be when you find the right god.
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Your typical loving, tolerant, and friendly evangelist.
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Thank you henderbob! You have opened my eyes! Bobby Henderson was, according to you, a virgin birth! Just like Jesus! All hail Bobby and his good news!
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1: Is not lightning controlled by “God” according to the Xtian religion?
2: If you find pasta delicious, why stop eating it?
3: not everyone named thomas thinks like that… Just in case… So I can protect my good name… ARGH!!
RAmen!
-Cap’m RedTom
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Wow… I thought the Christian religion was supposed to be a loving and kind religion? A religion that opens its’ arms to people?
Well, Thom, you’ve readily proved that the Christian Church has some serious issues it needs to deal with.
And, I also thought [well USED to think] that Christians frowned upon foul language. -claps- Well done for showing me the real deal about how you think.
Also, thank you for re-enforcing my love for the Church of the FSM, because “simply put”, you’ve showed us all that it doesn’t get any better than His Holy Noodliness.
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Dude!!?? You kiss your god with that mouth??
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Daww, another super friendly Christian just trying to show how much jeebuz ♥ us. You’re mistaken my fat friend, I see people all the time in Christianity’s merchandise, next time Google search your own rants to make sure their real.. Dumb-ass
These are the bible verses that I never hear from Christians, probably because they don’t read their bibles and atheists are Christians who know how to read.
Ephesians 6:5 – Slaves are to worship their masters as Christ rather then man.
Leviticus 15 – (Direct reference to you) – Women on their periods are unclean and sinful, they must offer sacrifice.
Deuteronomy 22:24-26 – It’s the woman’s fault if she gets raped.
There are so many more passages with”questionable” morals, go read your “good” book, and you will be questioning yourself on whether or not haircuts will end you hell. Like when god flooded the earth, what about all the children and infants and fetuses that had no defence, why did they have to die?
“Ahhh, This book doesn’t have any answers!” -Homer Simpson.
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Why do “we” refer to FSM as HIM, HIS, He? Can we not have an androgynous (did I spell that right?) creator?
curious…
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This is a strange message indeed. What does Thom mean with delicious Italian God, the pope? Thom is in the wrong, we don’t have faith in rich old guys – otherwise we would be more likely to love Bush sr. Which brings us to bastard children: why does Thom think he’s talking to Bush jr., and why does he call him soulless? (Thom must be a close friend to one of the Georges, actually being allowed to call him Bobby and knowing he has no soul.) And what I don’t get is that Thom says he’s created by some being, which is one moment called God, and the other moment is referred to as a homeless asshole? Thom must be confused, in several ways. Let’s help him out here: Thom, you’re talking to Pastafarians on this site, not Christians.
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Hahaha. Wow, I had an incredibly difficult time taking this rant seriously. So.. you’re a devout Christian, huh? One who follows the 10 commandments and preaches about love and forgiveness and acceptance? Well, as a Pastafarian i must say that I truly feel loved and accepted by you. It’s no surprise to me that after reading the Bible (assuming of course, that you actually do so) that you are full of ignorance, hypocrisy, and intolerance. I hope that your forgiving God welcomes you into the gates of Heaven with open arms after reading that angry, hate-filled rant towards those of us who aren’t brainwashed by ancient texts that he didn’t even write himself. Have a good after-life.
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No Spaghetti anymore? You punish yourself.
What about Noodle or Maccaroni?
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Is this meant to be satirical of hate mail?
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His Noodlyness burn in Hell with us? But I don’t like burned Spaghetti!
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Doesn’t Jesus teach you to love people, cos that isn’t a particularly loving email!
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I doubt Jesus ever used such imagery.
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Way to leave us hanging. Where do you want meto “simply put” my fucknut? You can’t leave me like this!
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Well, if the FSM burns in hell with us, at least we’ll have great company.
Imagine the PARTIES we’ll have, people!
And don’t dis the hobos, Thom. They’re brilliant, brilliant people, as evinced by the fact that, according to you, the FSM chose them to be the vessels for the birth of His chosen one.
At least it’s less paedophilic than using a twelve-year-old girl.
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Instead of hating us why don’t you put that energy into helping all those “homeless assholes” like your god spoke of over 200 times.
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