wtf this is a bunch of bullshit. why would you believe in spaghetti creating man?? and why would heaven have beer and strippers??? this is shit. some guy just randomly thought: “oh spaghetti is so good. it must be god.” i mean what the fuck?! jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think. you deny him, you’ll all burn in hell for eternity. so have fun!!
-JIR
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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Yes, because believing in a carpenter that lived over 2000 years ago and was the son of god and magic because of that, even though according to god we are all his children, makes ever so much more sense.
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JIR, you know you want strippers and beer in heaven. Would you rather have that or sing “Amazing Grace” for all eternity? I’ll take the beer and strippers and you can go to choir practice.
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“wtf this is a bunch of bullshit.”
It clearly states, ‘Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.’ What so you think this is, a website praising the Invisble Pink Unicorn?
“why would you believe in spaghetti creating man??”
A couple of reasons. First, you want to increase the chance you go to heaven, like in all religions. Second, you like the idea of this religion. I’ll leave it to other to find more reason, though I suspect this is sufficent.
“and why would heaven have beer and strippers???”
Because it’s heaven, obviously.
“this is shit.”
Thank you.
“some guy just randomly thought: “oh spaghetti is so good. it must be god.””
Actually, it was more like, “I think ID being talk in science classes is stupid, let’s make a parody religion to show everybody how stupid it is.”
“i mean what the fuck?!”
I think I just answered that.
“jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think.”
The only reason that we care what you think is that it’s an amuzing read.
“you deny him, you’ll all burn in hell for eternity.”
Your jesus dude must have been a very nice fellow, considering how he treats fellows who deny him.
“so have fun!!”
Thank you again.
I’ll leave it to other people to correct your grammar.
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It’s a sad day indeed when people are in denial over the fact that their heaven is really kindof boring.
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wtf this is a bunch of bullshit. -why is it?
why would you believe in spaghetti creating man?? -why wouldn’t we?
and why would heaven have beer and strippers??? -why wouldn’t it?
this is shit. – why is it?
some guy just randomly thought: “oh spaghetti is so good. it must be god.” -why wouldn’t it?
i mean what the fuck?! jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think. -why would you? (btw this message would indicate otherwise)
you deny him, you’ll all burn in hell for eternity. -why would we?
so have fun!! (first nice thing, too bad it’s in the very the last)
.
see what I did there? It’s called critical thinking, you mabe want try it some day
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If I believed in heaven, you’d better fucking believe there’d be beer. Lots of it, micro-brewed, mostly ales, and you never get the spins or throw it up.
As for strippers, I’d like to think that at least some of them would make it to heaven.
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Love thy neighbour? I’ll see you in that fire lake then, bud. ;)
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“some guy just randomly thought”
Oh… the irony.
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how do you know jesus was not the son of the fsm aka: god
the fsm can take many forms and when he was speaking to his son he was doing it from a distance so jesus probably did not see him now did he?
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If you don’t care what we think, then why the hatin’ son?
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Oh great, another offended christian. I am however surprised by his outstanding ability to spell and not misuse the caps lock. Well done on that notion. He does however fail at noticing a satire as it stares at his misguided face.
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jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think. You don’t care what we think? Wait, aren’t you supposed to lead us non-believers to Jebus? Seems like you’re not doing your job, according to everything I’ve heard. It’s that sort of disobedience that will lead you to hell for eternity!
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jesus is real?
Ever hear about the Cargo Cults of the South Sea Islands.
Here’s the story:
During WWII, Americans occupied a number of South Sea islands like Tinian in the Marianas, and put up air bases.
These forward bases became depots and vast quanties of supplies including such things as trinkets, Hershey Bars, cans of Spam, and a whole variety of other goods which the Americans shared with the indigenous population.
These native peoples noticed the American performing such mysterious activities as filling out requisition paperwork, talking to other bases on their 2 way radios, building landing strips and directing the planes to landings, unloading the cargo, etc.
They concluded that the cargo came from a cargo deity, and, when te American left, and the Cargo gravy train stopped for the natives, they attempted to renew the flow of such goods by doing things like have their designasted holy men halk on bamboo radios (which look about the same as the ones “the professor” made for the castaways on “Gilligan’s island)’ fill out requisitions, build runways, and have bamboo native made airplanes (which of course can’t fly) land on the native made landing strips.
The most interesting thing about these “cargo cults” is that numerous cults arose spontaneously over a large number of these islands and the people who created them had no congtact with other island people. In short, each cult arose independently of the other cults on other islands. To this day, these religions persist on these islands and their rituals are reenacted by their priestly castes.
Get it? Primitive peoples explain what they can not understand by creating religions. It is hard wired somewhere in our DNA to do so, and passed on from one generation to the next by well meaning parents to children who are hard wired to believe whatever mom and dad tell them (at least till they reach the age of 7 or so).
That’s what happened with the Judeo Christian religion. Yaweh was born in the Bronze age, modelled after the Kings and Deities of that age, and was therefore, a bloodthirsty SOB. The penalty for breaking his commandments was death by stoning. These is even a passage in Exodous where someone breaks the Sabbath and Yaweh is asked directly what should be done with that person, and god replies he should be stoned to death. No doubt because he (god) loved him (LOL).
Of course, when the Yaweh character was created by the Bronze age Hebrews, God was no worse than any other contemporaneous ruler of the day, all of whom, as a matter of routine, practiced genocide, rape and pillage of their neighbors, and iron fisted oppression of their subjects.
Later on he got a makeoer when the Jesus character came on the scene, and the slave caste of the Roman empire (a people who lived with no hope) invented him to provide a life after their miserable and worthless existence as Roman Chattel. Again, small suprise their. God, as a man made character, exists to provide whatever the group creating him lacks.
For the South Sea Islanders, the lack is Cargo, hence, the Cargo Cults. For the Hebrews, it was a SOB who could match up to the Ramses and Nebuchednezzars of the day, for the Roman slaves it was a consoling after life.
George Carlin hit it perfectly when he had a picture of a dog salivating on the cover of his book entitled “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”.
Don’t you get it? Man has invented God (s) over his history because he wished for someone to “bring the Pork Chops”. That’s the underlying reality of you belief and nothing else.
RAMEN
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it’s just a matter of opinion, but these kind of messages create an urge in my to commit serious blasphemy.
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Listen to me, I am a very good Christian, but I don’t go around mocking other religions! That’s not what God OR Jesus would want. I want you to think about this. Think about what it would be like to be in the creator of this site’s perspective. IT would’t be fun, would it? Keep your opinions to yourself.
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Oh my god, hes right!
All this time I thought that because spaghetti tasted god, it must be god. What he says makes perfect sense!
Thank you JIR for helping me find jesus and saving me from hell.
RAmen.
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FSM is real and I don’t care what you think.
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Yep, that’s EXACTLY what jealousy sounds like.
.
Must suck to have to spend Christian eternity with other intolerant, hateful, and humorless twits.
.
Yay Flying Spaghetti Monster heaven with beer volcanos, pirates, and witty people with triple digit IQs!
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I wonder if Hell has limbo?
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Heaven and hell only exist if you believe in them. you do know the basis for religion don’t you? To control people. My heaven has beer and strippers. What does your’s have that makes it so much better?
Jesus is real and spaghetti isn’t? Dude, what do you eat? Our Church teaches love and compassion. After your post I have to wonder just what your church teaches. In our church a sense of humour is applauded.
It strikes me that in your church a sense of humour is punished. In our church we are expected to question things. That’s one of the things that make us human. Can’t say I see much of that in your church. Just kind of wondering.Total devotion is all fine and dandy but you really have to go through life with your eyes and ears wide open. Of course if ignorance is your thing than I guess you should just go for it and be an ignorant twerp. Whatever floats your boat!
R’Amen!
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Because the belief in a Magical Jewish Zombie makes so much more sense.
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My fair Christian dumbass…there are in fact over 1000 different sects of Christianity…only one of them gets you into heaven. Now assuming that followers of Judaism, Islam, and every other religion are wrong and going to hell, thats still a slim ass chance your stupid ass would ever get to “heaven”.
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Don’t you just love it when someone comes in with a well thought out, carefully scripted retort. It goes to show us the caliber of those who oppose the FSM. As a result we shall all have to give a solid 5% effort to overcome them.
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Ar. Thankee fer proven our crew t’ be the correct one, and yer crew the buncha lubbers, JIR. And thankee as well fer botherin’ ta capitalize yer own initials, it shows respect fer yeself. I’m a bit puzzled ta why ye be ignorin them in yer text, though.
Good sailin, an may He touch yer mind wit His Noodly Appendage.
(I decided that I need a bit more pirate in my Recommended Daily Discourse.)
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I stopped reading at “and why would heaven have beer and strippers?” Lost all credibility at that point.
And they say there are no stupid questions…
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Actually I don’t eat spaghetti, the FSM I would think would not approve. Thank you for making “Gods” judgement for him. I’ll be burning in hell if you need me.
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I’m with David… you can sing to my strippers and me =D
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“why would you believe in spaghetti creating man??”
Why would you believe in big invisible monsters who make figures of themselves out of dirt and then bring them to life by breathing on them, talking snakes, talking burning bushes, flying horses, etc???
.
“…why would heaven have beer and strippers???”
Why wouldn’t heaven have beer and strippers???
.
“jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think. you deny him, you’ll all burn in hell for eternity. so have fun!!”
Actually Hell for eternity sounds like a pretty good deal. I went to a party full of Norwegians once & I was surrounded by gorgeous looking people (both male & female – seriously, the Scandanavian stereotype actually has some merit to it). Later on I asked my friend (also Norwegian) who had the party, “After seeing everyone that night, I gotta know – Are there any ugly people in Norway?” to which he replied, “Hmmm. Actually, come to think of it, no.”
.
So, even though it gets really cold in Hell, the amount of beautiful people to keep me company (and, hopefully, warm) would more than compensate for that.
.
St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Lustful Urges
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JIR, you know you want strippers and beer in heaven.
here’s street directions so JIR can find his way to the Truth:
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ok wtf are you guys trying to get across? we talk about this in religion class, and we like laugh at your religion, if it even is one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am a catholic, have always been a catholic, and will always be one! you and your BLASPHEMY (thats right i said it :PPPPPPPPPPPPPP)
go rot in hell
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ok im so sorry for that rude comment i hust posted, but i have my own opinion. and you have yours. you can say that you worship a monster thats made of spaghetti, and i can say; I EAT SPAGHETTI AND I JUST FOUND SOME ON MY SHIRT!!!!!!!!!
you can believe in what you want, but i believe in what i want.
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umm really, if there was really strippers in heaven, it would be made up of porno’s and pervs.
and if they REALLY were there, NOBODY WOULD BE IN HELL
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Why wouldn’t heaven have beer and strippers?
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Eternity enslaved by a celestial dictator seems like Hell to me. I’ll take the one with beer and strippers, thanks!
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I hope your not a pastor or a reverend or a priest JIL……your delivery really needs some work.
RAmen All!
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“It has served us well, this myth of Christ.” – Pope Leo X
I think that pretty much says it all, right there.
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Dear JIR,
Please return with some contemporary evidence for your “Jesus” myth and we will take you seriously. We don’t take ourselves seriously so I guess we should start somewhere.
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wtf this is a bunch of bullshit. why would you believe in an old man creating man?? and why wouldn’t heaven have beer and strippers??? this is shit. some guy just randomly thought: “oh we are so good. we must be god.” i mean what the fuck?! jesus is real (but not the son of god) and i dont care what you guys think. you don’t deny him, you won’t all burn in hell for eternity (because we’re not that mean). so have fun!!
-DD
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WTF? What the hell? Why do people get so pissed off at this site? Take it for what it is. If you are so damn insecure about your cosmology and theology, start by getting a sense of humor and that will help take the edge off. Then start reading some worthwhile literature. Try reading the book of Genesis for starters. And don’t read it like an encyclopedia or science book. It’s a beautiful poetic account of the creation of the world from the perspective of ancient Near Eastern peoples. OMG, some people need a little critical distance.
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DAMN you clever!
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Neal,
.
Great post. Thanks for taking the time and making effort.
.
RAmen
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hey, I’m like you (the dude who posted this) i think patafarienizim is incredibly stupid. But dude, you dont have to spaz out about it. I’m an atheist so i think ALL religions are stupid. But i like this one because i can get a good laugh out of it.
-Tekins
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Jesus is real?
Whoo that convinced me.
Let me just say that your god is as imaginary as ours.
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Just having to ask the question “why would heaven have beer and strippers??? ” shows that you have already wasted most of your life. It is probably too late for you, but maybe one day the FSM will take pity on you.
R’AMEN
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ummm… spageti isn’t god and it didn’t create man. It’s food. His Holyness the Flying Spagetti Monster is god and He created man. duh. And if you really respected and belived in Jesus then you would be nicer to other people like he was. He would have been cool with FSM. He probably would be ashamed that his name was beeing used to try to make someone else feel bad. You probably made him cry.
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Because “heaven” is the manifestation of the reward for everything you’ve done good in your life, and I want strippers and beer to go with my happiness.
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Why did you come to this website in the first place? If you don’t care about what we think, then what makes you think we care what you think or say? I just have to wonder why you and all those other religions start fighting over who has the better, big, all powerful, imaginary friend. “YOUR GOD IS FAKE! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” Yeah, because doing that is going to send you to your heaven right? If you think about it your all so peaceful and loving god, really just causes a lot of deaths (sorry but it is a fact). The Flying Spaghetti Monster on the other hand hasn’t caused any deaths. So in a way we are the most peaceful religion. So the next time you decide to come to a website about something you don’t care about, don’t start talking crap.
FSM For the WORLD
P.S. What good is a heaven without a beer volcano and a stripper factory?
Loyal Pastafarian,
Capn’ Noodly
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@St. John the Blasphemist: I lived in Sweden for a couple of years and noticed the same thing.
To the rest of you, you should check out Christoffer Hitchens book, “God is not Great.” I only had a chance to scan quickly through it but it points out a lot of the problems with pretty much all of the
religions going on today. He seems to have done his historical research and although I don’t necessarily agree with him on every point it seems like a good read. Christians are definitely going to hate it and probably as well as any other fundamentalist. It basically says that all organized religions are crap. Mind you he did fail to mention FSMism. Hmmmm. Makes you think, eh?
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I find these arguments are more about what is faith and religion than the small details of who/what/when/where.
Humans are silly things it dose not take much to spark a religion and have it nearly set in stone and as it ages misconceptions and antaquited lines of thought warp it into something else…ah I am rambling, in the end religion is what you make of it, personally I see it as small groups of humans maintaining a vague form of traditional power structures in order for a family line or group to hold power, this of course is not always the case but I dismiss most religion as selfish look at the chruchs that step over the poor and homeless before them to go else whee in the world to look good for the congregation to get more donations to have a nice gilded stage to “preach” on.
I like faith and spirituality have nothign agisnt that its human mobbings called “religion” I tend to have a distaste for….
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I just checked out your live feed map, and noticed how many Latin Americans are online. Here’s a shout out to all the live spanish-speakers worshipping with me right now:
El monstruo del spagueti es el rey de universo y muy buena onda. Explique todas mis preguntas mas intimos de los grunidos mas profundos de mi ser. Es muy salsero y vivir Pastafarian es vivir super sabrosa. Espero que esta te beneficia igual como a mi me ha beneficiado.
Con carinyo, Princess Pirata del Spagueti.
rAmen
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Its so amazing how christians get angry and blast pastafarianism for things which can be said about their own religion. Why do they hate us so? =[
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Not all christians hate Pastafarianism, infact most I know support it, its just the extremests that hate pastafarianism. Its kinda sad when the actions of a few idiots, make the entire group look bad.
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FSM > Cosmic zombie jew.
Also, what kind of man denies that an eternity of booze and tits as insanely awesome?
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Ya thats true, I’ll refrain from labeling them as a whole.
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god jesus and the bible are all just as crazy as say…. a flyin spaghetti monster! and why woudnt heavin (if it were real) have beer and strippers?
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“Jesus is real”
… so is buddha! :O
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If I am going to hell, I am going in a limo with a parade proceeding me. A brass band behind the limo playing “Hail To The Chief” when I got out of the limo would be my cue to “royally” wave at my fellow sinners who are cheering at my coming. The red carpet will roll out and Lucifer will have a candlelit dinner for me consisting of spaghetti and meatballs, a nice white wine, and a smoke for afterwards. Cool eh?
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Why can’t these Christians get it straight? The FSM is NOT a bunch of spaghetti. He is made out of invisible, holy, flying-spaghetti-monsterness that has no word, and spaghetti is the closest we can get.
That’s like saying your God is a human, because he created man in his image. It just means that spaghetti is a pathetic copy of the great holy FSM.
A couple other things I would like to say:
-Why would you believe in a god that resembles Morgan Freeman, appears to his people as a burning bush, writes a bible that encourages/promotes keeping slaves, tells his people that adultery is wrong but gets Mary pregnant…the list goes on and on. Why?
-Who doesn’t like beer? Well I don’t as I’m a minor and have never had any, but it probably tastes pretty damn good and Heaven should be the best place ever with all the most wonderful things in the world. This would simply be incomplete without something as (supposedly) wonderful as beer. As for strippers, I’m not so sure. Just a little…idk wrong for an 11yearold.
Yeah, I’ll have fun in your hell which doesn’t exist. More likely, I will either be drinking beer straight from the volcano up in heaven, or decomposing underground in a grave, or be scattered bits of ash somewhere.
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ha ur an idiot. wats the difference between believing in a spaghetti god than a god who walked on water…..if anything the spaghetti guy is more believable… ur an idiot
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Seriously, this guy needs to discover Wikipedia…. The religion of the FSM was not just pulled out of someone’s ass without any true thought.
I mean, it SORT OF is, heavy emphasis on “sort of”, but then again, all religions are. I mean, look at my religion. Christianity revolves around zombie worship and cannibalism. ^^ I’m not putting down Christianity, because I really like it, but my point is that religion as a whole is messed up.
But if I ever quit Catholicism, I’ll worship his Noodlyness.
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“i mean what the fuck?! jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think.”
I giggled.
My question is, if you don’t care what “we guys” think, then why would you take your precious time for sending us this nice letter?
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i don’t need gawd to tell me to be a decent person.
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Religions like this make me ashamed to believe in a god
BlackGoth69
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I’m always fascinated by people who swear up, down and sideways while “protecting” Jesus’s name.
You know, because it’s “so Christian-like” of them.
sigh.
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Jesus is real? You mean the magic jewish zombie you pretend to pray to at night?
Good argument – keep trying.
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I deny Jesus… there is no hell either
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I think these Jesus freaks need to be reminded of the point of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Its a silly as it is because your expecting us to believe in the bible is equally as silly.
Why Would we worship a wad of Spaghetti? Why would you worship some spiteful 6 year old imaginary friend, who manifested himself as the bastard son of a Jewish woman?
And Why can’t our heaven have Strippers and Beer? I think on my deathbed, if some priest of the Catholic/Christian faith told me I’m going to hell, I’ll fucking take him with me. But if a friend tells me I’m on my way to a stripper factory, where there is limitless beer. I’ll laugh cause he can’t come!
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Can I just say to all of the FSM followers, well done. I’ve finally found a religion that makes sense to me. I am from the UK and when the Census comes to my house i shall now put church of FSM on the box that says RELIGION.
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I know a flying spaghetti monster how weird, your right a giant ball of light sounds so much more believable, not! besides you cant prove that Jesus wasn’t fathered by FSM
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Its pretty hard to imagine a heaven without beer and strippers.
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So i geuss your idea of heaven is endless pain and servivtude? What you read is just a part of heaven, potentially we can have anything we want, we even get to make our own strippers, and what is wrong with beer?
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Wow my previous post got deleted… that’s so screwed up.
I mean here we have the FSM, who´s supposed to be a symbol of freedom of belief, freedom of thought, and general hearty good fun… and somebody takes down a completely harmless post. I imagine it could have been because I accused some of the people in the community here for blatantly making fake hate mail in what appears to be a pretty weak attempt at trolling. What gets to me, besides anyone resorting to such infantile tactics is that there´s actually someone willing to let that go on while my post gets deleted…
And yes I AM still that lonesome red dot in South America.
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Well if I’m going to burn in hell at least I’ll be in awesome company!
“In Heaven all the interesting people are missing.”
— Friedrich Nietzsche
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QUOTE: ‘and why would heaven have beer and strippers???’
WTF???????
well, why the hell not? EVERYONE loves strippers and beer. Ok maybe YOU don’t but that dosn’t mean others feel the same. Ok some people hate strippers and dont drink beer, but the truth is that your average man on the street LOVES both of ‘em.
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Well…As long as you don’t care what I think, I can say what I want. Am I correct. Now, Don’t get me wrong here, I can admit I have an IQ of a candy bracelet (and boy do I love candy bracelets). But anyways let me get to the point. I don’t care what you think. When you prove to me that some Jewish zombie that could heal people was real, Then I’ll believe you. But anyways I do love spaghetti and I’ll enjoy the sripper factory and the booze volcano when I die.
RAmen.
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and why would heaven have beer and strippers???
I have to admit, I don’t know. Mere mortals such as I are sometimes bewildered by the RAmenifications of the Grand (Intelligent) Design. But I figure, do I want to stand around singing some (frankly quite awful) hymns or drink, party and shake my booty for all eternity? Cue the music guys… :)
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“BlackGoth69
May 27th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Religions like this make me ashamed to believe in a god”
I sort of agree with you, except that EVERY religion makes ME ashamed to believe in a god. Except for Thor. Thor kicks ten tons of whoop-ass.
You can keep your magic jewish zombie, though.
RAmen,
Mac N. Cheez
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Hey fuck-nuts (to the people denouncing this religion because theyre christfags), don’t you see that this is the EXACT same thing as christianity except God and jesus is replaced with Spagheti. It was created to make you realize that you are retarded.
ALL HAIL SPAGHETTI
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Thank you for taking the time to explore the site and read about the beer/stripper heaven we Pastafarians will enjoy! I’m sure you’d like it if you weren’t so intolerant, you could give it a chance!
Oh well!
RAmen
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Hmmm, Aristotle said that a thing’s goodness can be measured by how well it fullfills it’s purpose. Surposing that the purpose of heaven is to be an enjoyable place of meriment and pleasure were good people can spend eternity after death. Which heaven fullfills this purpose better ? One of abstinance and servitude or one with a stripper factory and a a beer volcano ?
I surpose it depends wether you have been brainwashed with other religions propoganda.
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its not that we don’t believe in this jesus fello we simply believe that he was most likely FSM.
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If Jesus ( and god) loves us why would they force us to burn in hell? I think God and Jesus are bigger than that…literally and spiritually.
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“why would you believe in spaghetti creating man”
His Noodlyness works in mysterious ways. Beware the temptations of the Intellect,
my friend. Only through true faith may we know Nature of FSM.
Jar Bless.
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wtf this is a bunch of bullshit. why would you believe in a large invisible dude creating man?? and why would heaven be booooooooring??? this is shit. some guy just randomly thought: “this random illusionist is so good. it must be god.” i mean what the fuck?! FSM is real and i dont care what you guys think. you deny him, you’ll all put up with stale beer and strippers with VD for eternity. so have fun!!
-Fix’d
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More abuse of the English language from an idiot Christian, lol.
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dude, chill. I’M CATHOLIC ; however i can’t prove that jesus was the messiah or real. and i suspect neither can you. nor can u prove that FSM was not founded on a real basis. thats why so many people hate christians, because we tend to be VERY VERY hypocritical. no one told you to believe what they say. so get a bit more cofortable in your religion be it whatever it is and leave others to worship as the want. stop trying to control everyone. and isn’t heavensupossed to be perfect?what we want containing our hearts desires? for some that is perfect! deal with it ! and ummmm i may be wrong but i thougth, keep in mind that i tought, that JESUS told us something to the effect of……”he who is without sin cast the first stone…” is that not right ? ha i tought u were christian! so before you go around condeming people to hell make sure you don’t have a seat waiting yourself. honestlly what time period are we in , gezzz “eternal damnation”, i think the whole world is damned but whatever.
p.s. see you in hell
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Answer: Why not?
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If you had taken 2 seconds to take a flipping look at the fact we DONT ACTUALLY BELIEVE WE WERE CREATED BY SPAGEHETTI than maybe you wouldn’t be such a down right retard. You pea-brained lack of inteligence is astonishing.
Blessed Be The Noodly Appendage That Deftly Spreads The Holy Marinara Sause!
RAmen
P.S. Even if we did believe that the world was created by the FSM, its it any different than an old man who is not only everywhere but nowhere at the same time, all powerful and all knowing, and has to rest for some reason while creating the world dispite his all powerfulness… I see a similarity =)
“When one person has delusions, its called insanity. When more people have delusions, its called religion.”
-Unknown
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You know, i think that people are getting so angry and defensive about their religion, because they doubt their own religion…just a thought.
RAmen
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This dude needs to learn how to actually read this site. He most likely just saw the banner and went on a religious rage.
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[quote]so have fun!![/quote]
Thanks Dude!
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i don’t deny Jesus. he was a real 0th century philsopher. heaven has beer and strippers because heaven is whatever makes you happy. and if you don’t like beer and strippers, your a weirdy!
RAmen
P.S. oh, old bearded men are good, they must be god!
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Pasta Acolyte Jun 2nd, 2008 at 8:47 pm
“You know, i think that people are getting so angry and defensive about their religion, because they doubt their own religion”
.
Yep…that and the increasing number of sheeple straying, resulting in a reduction in the tax free income of the religion sales companies.
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Why is this idea so farfetched? When Jesus was around wasn’t he also considered a lunitic. A Blasphemer? Maybe if you took the time youl’d realize that FSM is just as possible as GOD. YOu might think that FSM is a fictional creature because of how silly it sounds. There are 2800 different gods worldwide why is one less silly then the other.
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If faith is the only thing that matters then hitler is in heaven
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Don’t really feel like reading all of this, but that Lane dude has the right idea. I’m going to start ending everything I write with “P.S. SEE YOU IN HELL!”
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With half the language used (the offensive language) in the hate mail, I am not sure how anyone will get to heaven…
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Top Ten Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian
10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 – You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 – You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 – Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!
6 – You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 – You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 – You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”
3 – While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.
2 – You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 – You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian.
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*sits in his chair looks down slapping his forehead* yes jesus is real i agree. but whould he come into a room cursing? *sigh*
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For the love of FSM, JIR, you need to start to apply some critical thought to something as weighty as your own existence. Please don’t just stamp your foot and pout like that just because “it’s so hard [to think].”
-
RAmen
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Christianity is the Belief that A Cosmic jewish Zombie, Will Save you from An eternity of yourself if you Symbolically Eat His Flesh and drink his blood, then telepathicaly Tell him you accept him as your lord and savior..
Yeah.. Your Religion makes MUCH more sense.. i think i’ll go Follow The Jew-zombie Now. NOT!
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Why is it much more believable that a guy who looks like everyone created Earth? Do you talk like Jews to this too you faggot. Do you talk like this to anyone like this who isn’t Christian? Asswipe. This is a joke religion, made to protest ID.
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JIR, whom ever you might be, I have a question for you. Why do you believe in Jesus? I mean, is that anymore plausible than a flying ball of spaghetti? is a heaven with angels and clouds and stuff all that more believable than a heaven with a beer volcano and a stripper factory? Oh, and by the way, in your religion, all of the sluts will be down there, so wouldn’t you want to be there instead, even if it is a little warmer?
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Burn in hell? Meh, whatever. There’s still beer and strippers in hell (even if they’re flawed).
Anyway, how do you know Jesus isn’t a Purple Scuba-Potato?
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Frunk: You are an apostate and heretic and must be burned at the stake!
Oops, sorry … flashback to my early Catholic conditioning there … But, dude, you’ll totally miss out on the beer volcano and the strippers!
There’s still time to accept the FSM into your major blood-pumping organ! Or your kidney, if you have one that’s unoccupied by any other deity at the moment.
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except the FSM and drink from the beer volcano with us!
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i love hell. ive been there! twice actually. Get a condo on the beach tho…inland communities tend to be a little scortching!
hahaha better than living like a slave!
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wow, smooth move there…
*accept… heh
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I have a problem with the whole “burn in hell” for eternity thing.
If your god is so vain that he’d endlessly torture those who didn’t worship
(or even never heard of) him, why doesn’t he show himself?
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there is beer and strippers in heaven because they are good… duh
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Hell sounds better that quite a few holidays I’ve had. You might want to rethink what you are believing in before you mock other religions. I think you will find that yours is easily the most ridiculous of them all.
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The funniest thing about all the hate posts is that anyone would actually have a low enough IQ to take all of this seriously. I take it as seriously as all other religions, which is to say, not at all. The big difference here is that FSM is fun and does not hurt anyone and does not practice intolerance. Religion is the bane of humankind. If parents would not pass down the myths to their children, it would take only one generation to eradicate all religion from the world. That’s how tenuous all religions are. Spaghetti, however will live on!
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To jeremykeys:
No I dont hell has limbo :(
Because I think limbo already has limbo, and well, limbo just cant be everywhere. Sadly.
R’Amen.
(p.s. JIR is a total dick! :D)
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To “JIR”,
Wouldnt it be nice if u could go through life without having to say this… “I have to do this, live like this, BELIEVE THIS, or i will burn in a hell for eternity for my sins”
let go of ur fear of the unknown JIR and im telling u… ur life will be all the better… and im certain if u sit down and think about ur faith in jesus christ logically… without being afraid of ur sinful thoughts… that ull come up with logical answer that many of us who frequent this website have already accepted and implicate into our lives… THIS LIFE IS MY GIFT AND I WILL LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST WITHOUT BEING AFRAID OF THE CONSEQUENCES!
lol oh and if heaven doesnt have beer and strippers then i refuse to go!
PROST!
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I love how the people who claim to be the biggest Christians are wishing that people “go fuck themselves” and “burn in hell” that doesnt sound jesus like to me…but who knows. Blessed are those who bathe in his sauce lol.
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So… If Jebus the Jew and all us pastafarians aren’t christians like you, doesn’t that mean that if any of us “…burn in hell for eternity…” we’ll meet your god Jebus christ down there?
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And you’ll burn in the hell made by the FSM.
RAmen.
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I have a difficult time believing any of these”hate” posts were written by actual Christians. If they have been it’s quite sad and I apologize.
This site is proposing what’s called a proof by example. Assertion: Christianity is a ridiculous belief system.
Proof: I can create a parallel “faith” and pass it off as just as likely a Christianity.
That is the purpose of your “satire” correct? I mean none of you “FSM worshipers” here have actually had an encounter with the FSM have you? I mean you can say what ever you wish about religion but are you calling everyone at all times and all places Liars? Are you saying that everyone who had a religious experience was “faking” it like you are obviously “faking” your religious “experiences”? Unless you are willing to say that ALL religious experiences at all times and all places are based upon obvious “fake” experiences than right off the bat the proof by example is not parallel to Christianity or any other religion for that matter.
Lets take it one more step and then I’ll stop.
Are you willing to put your money where your mouth is? Are you willing to die for your FSM? Are you willing be burned alive; torn apart by animals? Are you willing to allow you bodies to be mutilated because you are supposed to dress like a pirate? For crying out loud Hindi are willing to not eat cows because of their faith.
So here are two very tiny differences right out of the starting block between your FSM and any other belief system honestly held. Right off the bat this is poor use of logic and poor use of reasoning Hardly befitting those who claim to hold Reason as the highest standard.
Satire to be truly funny has to have an element of truthfulness. The only element of truthfulness here is that you truly believe this has some kind of relevance to honestly held belief.
You see a belief system is a bit more complicated than… hey I just thought this up one day. As atheists your supposed to hold to Reason and Science as the highest order. This pitiful employment of logic and 3rd grader reasoning is hardly sterling evidence of the strength of your position. As for me… I would say any belief system that people honestly hold even to death is worthy of respect.
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Oh yeah, because you and your nice clean language and obvious total devotion to jesus is totally cristian… riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. AND POOR GOD–NO STRIPPERS OR BEER??? No wonder church is so dreary…
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The religion of “love.”
It’s great to see how truly caring they are.
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Hey, we don’t criticise your unbelievable religion. At least there’s a chance that the FSM exists.
Also, uh, I take it that you’re religious in some way (or else you wouldn’t be wasting your time posting here), and the last time I checked profanity was a sin.
So… it looks like “you’ll burn in hell for eternity. so have fun!!”
Wanker.
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Its interesting that Jews should come up in this, I just realized why all this hate-mail sounded familiar. Its come from every arrogant Born-Again prick I’ve had the misfortune to meet. The Phrase “Burn in Hell” has a way of springing up.
Why does heaven have beer and strippers? Simple, His Noodletudes subjects enjoy them, and having served Him, He sees fit to reward them.
I’d take that over fire and brimstone, harps and angels any day.
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Oh come one. Our God has larger balls and is funnier than yours.
May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage.
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Dear Mike,
You (my noodly pal) have completely and utterly missed the entire point of the site.
Completely and utterly. Missed. The point. Entirely.
Please (re)read the open letter and the raison d’etre of the site.
Then comment if the mood strikes you.
cheers
COM
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Mike… Thank you for at least posting something worth reading, but please, don’t preach to us about logic.
You expect us to believe LOGICALLY that Noah lived for hundreds of years, built an arc big enough to hold two of every animal on the planet, managed to round up animals in Australia and the Americas, managed to keep these animals from eating each other on the boat during the flood, and then repopulated the entire world without any inbreeding… Come on, you cant talk about logic here.
And yes, we do believe that FSM satire is funny. Just as funny as the idea of Intelligent Design being taught in a SCIENCE CLASS!
As for your comment concerning the strength of our faith, you are correct in saying that we wouldn’t want to die for the FSM. The reason is obvious, he is fake. Would you die for something fake? … Well then again, maybe thats where our atheist reason and science comes in.
Now if you had asked if we would be willing to die for what the FSM STANDS for, then the answer is YES. What we fight for is more important than our individual lives because if society came to a point where something as absolutely ridiculous as ID is taught in schools, then there will be absolute anarchy throughout the world.
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@Mike:
“Unless you are willing to say that ALL religious experiences at all times and all places are based upon obvious “fake” experiences than right off the bat the proof by example is not parallel to Christianity or any other religion for that matter.”
.
There is no evidence to show our religious experiences aren’t just as real as any others! We have a holy book, chosen people, holidays, everything. Just because it’s silly does not mean it can be more easily disproved than any other religion. And would you claim that people of other religions you don’t follow are lying about their claimed experiences with their gods? Or would you say they are deluding themselves?
.
“Are you willing to die for your FSM? Are you willing be burned alive; torn apart by animals? Are you willing to allow you bodies to be mutilated because you are supposed to dress like a pirate? ”
.
Why in FSM’s name would we want to do that? The FSM, unlike the biblical god, is benevolent. He does not require any kind of sacrifices. Why does the fact that a religion extols martyrdom make it more likely to be true? Islam glorifies dying for your beliefs, and for that matter, so did the Aztec religion. I’m betting you don’t follow either of those.
.
“As atheists your supposed to hold to Reason and Science as the highest order.”
.
Who says all Pastafarians are Atheists? His Noodlyness (pesto be upon him) opens his appendages to all! To quote the Gospel: Try it for 30 days – if you are not satisfied, your god will probably take you back (unless you’re a Jain, then you’re pretty much screwed). And what do reason and science have to do with religion? Nothing! – That’s really our point here, isn’t it?
.
RAmen
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Bwaaa haaa…It never ceases to amaze me how they all repeat their own fairytale, laugh at it or damn it to hell but still don’t get it. Oh, the irony…
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@Mike
“I would say any belief system that people honestly hold even to death is worthy of respect.”
You respect Islamic extremist suicide bombers? Your head is in a very dark place surrounded by a sphincter.
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@Mike
I don’t think all religious experiences have been “faked” (although many have), I think people just misinterpret natural phenomena as supernatural. But that’s actually beside the point – this movement was started specifically to point out the fallacies of Intelligent Design, which was contrived for the sole purpose of getting creationism taught in public science classrooms. ID actually is a fake science, and should be given no more credence than any other obviously fake theory (not that pastafarianism is fake, of course). Now I have a question for you: do you think the beliefs of Nazis and suicide cults are worthy of respect? To my mind, willingness of die for a belief is the first step to willingness to kill for a belief, and I have no respect for that kind of behavior. But I do thank you for treating us like rational human beings, and I hope you are not called upon to die for your god any time soon RAmen.
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Some of you folks take life waaaaay too seriously. May you be whapped by a noodley appendage, and thus be reborn human, tolerant and funnier!!
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Why wouldn’t heaven have strippers and beer? That’s the real question.
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I would like to focus this segment on the question, “Why would Heaven have beer and strippers?” He who asks this, summarily smack thyself. That basically sounds like Heaven to me.
Secondarily, get a sense of humor, bra.
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What is it with christians and telling people to burn in hell? You know thats blastfamous, don’t you? You will burn in hell for putting yourself at the dame level of your god, by judgeing people to hell.
- An atheist is a Christian who has acually read the bible.
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I think southpark said it best with the “All About the Mormons” song, dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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Ubi Dubium
Seriously love your paragraph breaks.
Serious!
RAmen
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The three things I love most is: 1) How angry the Christians get 2) How obvious they make it that, deep down, the only reason they “believe” at all is from a total fear of going to Hell, as if that alone is enough to verify the existence of God 3) Their punctuation and grammar.
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Ha ha, I put my foot in my mouth a little bit.
edit: The three things I love most ARE:
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If heaven had no strippers or no beer, would it still be heaven?
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Show me a map to hell the I’ll believe you. Don’t you dare point down.
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Good thing you corrected your grammar, “Oh, boy”. We were beginning to think you were a Xtian in disguise and were thinking of making you walk the plank.
Seriously, why are 98% of the protesters to this site semi-literate? Is it because they’re 12 and flunking 7 grade English or 32 and never made it to 7th grade? Or are some of the pirate crew here posing as land-lubbers for sport?
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Okay. I will! Thanks.
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tee hee. your righteous anger is funny.
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wtf this is a bunch of bullshit. why would you believe in spaghetti creating man?? and why would heaven have beer and strippers??? this is shit. some guy just randomly thought: “oh spaghetti is so good. it must be god.” i mean what the fuck?! jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think. you deny him, you’ll all burn in hell for eternity. so have fun!!
-JIR
ok 1 why not believe in spaghetti as a god? 2 why would heaven not have beer and strippers heavens great and those are great 3 yes jesus was real and we know that he was a deranged prophet that was nailed to a cross by pagen romans and left there to rot
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but doesnt god love all his children??? haha!!! love this sight! LOVE THIS RELIGION!!!!!
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