wtf this is a bunch of bullshit. why would you believe in spaghetti creating man?? and why would heaven have beer and strippers??? this is shit. some guy just randomly thought: “oh spaghetti is so good. it must be god.” i mean what the fuck?! jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think. you deny him, you’ll all burn in hell for eternity. so have fun!!
-JIR
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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Yes, because believing in a carpenter that lived over 2000 years ago and was the son of god and magic because of that, even though according to god we are all his children, makes ever so much more sense.
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JIR, you know you want strippers and beer in heaven. Would you rather have that or sing “Amazing Grace” for all eternity? I’ll take the beer and strippers and you can go to choir practice.
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“wtf this is a bunch of bullshit.”
It clearly states, ‘Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.’ What so you think this is, a website praising the Invisble Pink Unicorn?
“why would you believe in spaghetti creating man??”
A couple of reasons. First, you want to increase the chance you go to heaven, like in all religions. Second, you like the idea of this religion. I’ll leave it to other to find more reason, though I suspect this is sufficent.
“and why would heaven have beer and strippers???”
Because it’s heaven, obviously.
“this is shit.”
Thank you.
“some guy just randomly thought: “oh spaghetti is so good. it must be god.””
Actually, it was more like, “I think ID being talk in science classes is stupid, let’s make a parody religion to show everybody how stupid it is.”
“i mean what the fuck?!”
I think I just answered that.
“jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think.”
The only reason that we care what you think is that it’s an amuzing read.
“you deny him, you’ll all burn in hell for eternity.”
Your jesus dude must have been a very nice fellow, considering how he treats fellows who deny him.
“so have fun!!”
Thank you again.
I’ll leave it to other people to correct your grammar.
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It’s a sad day indeed when people are in denial over the fact that their heaven is really kindof boring.
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wtf this is a bunch of bullshit. -why is it?
why would you believe in spaghetti creating man?? -why wouldn’t we?
and why would heaven have beer and strippers??? -why wouldn’t it?
this is shit. – why is it?
some guy just randomly thought: “oh spaghetti is so good. it must be god.” -why wouldn’t it?
i mean what the fuck?! jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think. -why would you? (btw this message would indicate otherwise)
you deny him, you’ll all burn in hell for eternity. -why would we?
so have fun!! (first nice thing, too bad it’s in the very the last)
.
see what I did there? It’s called critical thinking, you mabe want try it some day
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If I believed in heaven, you’d better fucking believe there’d be beer. Lots of it, micro-brewed, mostly ales, and you never get the spins or throw it up.
As for strippers, I’d like to think that at least some of them would make it to heaven.
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Love thy neighbour? I’ll see you in that fire lake then, bud. ;)
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“some guy just randomly thought”
Oh… the irony.
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how do you know jesus was not the son of the fsm aka: god
the fsm can take many forms and when he was speaking to his son he was doing it from a distance so jesus probably did not see him now did he?
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If you don’t care what we think, then why the hatin’ son?
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Oh great, another offended christian. I am however surprised by his outstanding ability to spell and not misuse the caps lock. Well done on that notion. He does however fail at noticing a satire as it stares at his misguided face.
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jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think. You don’t care what we think? Wait, aren’t you supposed to lead us non-believers to Jebus? Seems like you’re not doing your job, according to everything I’ve heard. It’s that sort of disobedience that will lead you to hell for eternity!
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jesus is real?
Ever hear about the Cargo Cults of the South Sea Islands.
Here’s the story:
During WWII, Americans occupied a number of South Sea islands like Tinian in the Marianas, and put up air bases.
These forward bases became depots and vast quanties of supplies including such things as trinkets, Hershey Bars, cans of Spam, and a whole variety of other goods which the Americans shared with the indigenous population.
These native peoples noticed the American performing such mysterious activities as filling out requisition paperwork, talking to other bases on their 2 way radios, building landing strips and directing the planes to landings, unloading the cargo, etc.
They concluded that the cargo came from a cargo deity, and, when te American left, and the Cargo gravy train stopped for the natives, they attempted to renew the flow of such goods by doing things like have their designasted holy men halk on bamboo radios (which look about the same as the ones “the professor” made for the castaways on “Gilligan’s island)’ fill out requisitions, build runways, and have bamboo native made airplanes (which of course can’t fly) land on the native made landing strips.
The most interesting thing about these “cargo cults” is that numerous cults arose spontaneously over a large number of these islands and the people who created them had no congtact with other island people. In short, each cult arose independently of the other cults on other islands. To this day, these religions persist on these islands and their rituals are reenacted by their priestly castes.
Get it? Primitive peoples explain what they can not understand by creating religions. It is hard wired somewhere in our DNA to do so, and passed on from one generation to the next by well meaning parents to children who are hard wired to believe whatever mom and dad tell them (at least till they reach the age of 7 or so).
That’s what happened with the Judeo Christian religion. Yaweh was born in the Bronze age, modelled after the Kings and Deities of that age, and was therefore, a bloodthirsty SOB. The penalty for breaking his commandments was death by stoning. These is even a passage in Exodous where someone breaks the Sabbath and Yaweh is asked directly what should be done with that person, and god replies he should be stoned to death. No doubt because he (god) loved him (LOL).
Of course, when the Yaweh character was created by the Bronze age Hebrews, God was no worse than any other contemporaneous ruler of the day, all of whom, as a matter of routine, practiced genocide, rape and pillage of their neighbors, and iron fisted oppression of their subjects.
Later on he got a makeoer when the Jesus character came on the scene, and the slave caste of the Roman empire (a people who lived with no hope) invented him to provide a life after their miserable and worthless existence as Roman Chattel. Again, small suprise their. God, as a man made character, exists to provide whatever the group creating him lacks.
For the South Sea Islanders, the lack is Cargo, hence, the Cargo Cults. For the Hebrews, it was a SOB who could match up to the Ramses and Nebuchednezzars of the day, for the Roman slaves it was a consoling after life.
George Carlin hit it perfectly when he had a picture of a dog salivating on the cover of his book entitled “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”.
Don’t you get it? Man has invented God (s) over his history because he wished for someone to “bring the Pork Chops”. That’s the underlying reality of you belief and nothing else.
RAMEN
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it’s just a matter of opinion, but these kind of messages create an urge in my to commit serious blasphemy.
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Listen to me, I am a very good Christian, but I don’t go around mocking other religions! That’s not what God OR Jesus would want. I want you to think about this. Think about what it would be like to be in the creator of this site’s perspective. IT would’t be fun, would it? Keep your opinions to yourself.
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Oh my god, hes right!
All this time I thought that because spaghetti tasted god, it must be god. What he says makes perfect sense!
Thank you JIR for helping me find jesus and saving me from hell.
RAmen.
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FSM is real and I don’t care what you think.
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Yep, that’s EXACTLY what jealousy sounds like.
.
Must suck to have to spend Christian eternity with other intolerant, hateful, and humorless twits.
.
Yay Flying Spaghetti Monster heaven with beer volcanos, pirates, and witty people with triple digit IQs!
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I wonder if Hell has limbo?
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Heaven and hell only exist if you believe in them. you do know the basis for religion don’t you? To control people. My heaven has beer and strippers. What does your’s have that makes it so much better?
Jesus is real and spaghetti isn’t? Dude, what do you eat? Our Church teaches love and compassion. After your post I have to wonder just what your church teaches. In our church a sense of humour is applauded.
It strikes me that in your church a sense of humour is punished. In our church we are expected to question things. That’s one of the things that make us human. Can’t say I see much of that in your church. Just kind of wondering.Total devotion is all fine and dandy but you really have to go through life with your eyes and ears wide open. Of course if ignorance is your thing than I guess you should just go for it and be an ignorant twerp. Whatever floats your boat!
R’Amen!
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Because the belief in a Magical Jewish Zombie makes so much more sense.
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My fair Christian dumbass…there are in fact over 1000 different sects of Christianity…only one of them gets you into heaven. Now assuming that followers of Judaism, Islam, and every other religion are wrong and going to hell, thats still a slim ass chance your stupid ass would ever get to “heaven”.
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Don’t you just love it when someone comes in with a well thought out, carefully scripted retort. It goes to show us the caliber of those who oppose the FSM. As a result we shall all have to give a solid 5% effort to overcome them.
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Ar. Thankee fer proven our crew t’ be the correct one, and yer crew the buncha lubbers, JIR. And thankee as well fer botherin’ ta capitalize yer own initials, it shows respect fer yeself. I’m a bit puzzled ta why ye be ignorin them in yer text, though.
Good sailin, an may He touch yer mind wit His Noodly Appendage.
(I decided that I need a bit more pirate in my Recommended Daily Discourse.)
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I stopped reading at “and why would heaven have beer and strippers?” Lost all credibility at that point.
And they say there are no stupid questions…
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Actually I don’t eat spaghetti, the FSM I would think would not approve. Thank you for making “Gods” judgement for him. I’ll be burning in hell if you need me.
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I’m with David… you can sing to my strippers and me =D
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“why would you believe in spaghetti creating man??”
Why would you believe in big invisible monsters who make figures of themselves out of dirt and then bring them to life by breathing on them, talking snakes, talking burning bushes, flying horses, etc???
.
“…why would heaven have beer and strippers???”
Why wouldn’t heaven have beer and strippers???
.
“jesus is real and i dont care what you guys think. you deny him, you’ll all burn in hell for eternity. so have fun!!”
Actually Hell for eternity sounds like a pretty good deal. I went to a party full of Norwegians once & I was surrounded by gorgeous looking people (both male & female – seriously, the Scandanavian stereotype actually has some merit to it). Later on I asked my friend (also Norwegian) who had the party, “After seeing everyone that night, I gotta know – Are there any ugly people in Norway?” to which he replied, “Hmmm. Actually, come to think of it, no.”
.
So, even though it gets really cold in Hell, the amount of beautiful people to keep me company (and, hopefully, warm) would more than compensate for that.
.
St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Lustful Urges
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JIR, you know you want strippers and beer in heaven.
here’s street directions so JIR can find his way to the Truth:
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ok wtf are you guys trying to get across? we talk about this in religion class, and we like laugh at your religion, if it even is one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am a catholic, have always been a catholic, and will always be one! you and your BLASPHEMY (thats right i said it :PPPPPPPPPPPPPP)
go rot in hell
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ok im so sorry for that rude comment i hust posted, but i have my own opinion. and you have yours. you can say that you worship a monster thats made of spaghetti, and i can say; I EAT SPAGHETTI AND I JUST FOUND SOME ON MY SHIRT!!!!!!!!!
you can believe in what you want, but i believe in what i want.
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umm really, if there was really strippers in heaven, it would be made up of porno’s and pervs.
and if they REALLY were there, NOBODY WOULD BE IN HELL
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Why wouldn’t heaven have beer and strippers?
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Eternity enslaved by a celestial dictator seems like Hell to me. I’ll take the one with beer and strippers, thanks!
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I hope your not a pastor or a reverend or a priest JIL……your delivery really needs some work.
RAmen All!
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“It has served us well, this myth of Christ.” – Pope Leo X
I think that pretty much says it all, right there.
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Dear JIR,
Please return with some contemporary evidence for your “Jesus” myth and we will take you seriously. We don’t take ourselves seriously so I guess we should start somewhere.
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wtf this is a bunch of bullshit. why would you believe in an old man creating man?? and why wouldn’t heaven have beer and strippers??? this is shit. some guy just randomly thought: “oh we are so good. we must be god.” i mean what the fuck?! jesus is real (but not the son of god) and i dont care what you guys think. you don’t deny him, you won’t all burn in hell for eternity (because we’re not that mean). so have fun!!
-DD
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WTF? What the hell? Why do people get so pissed off at this site? Take it for what it is. If you are so damn insecure about your cosmology and theology, start by getting a sense of humor and that will help take the edge off. Then start reading some worthwhile literature. Try reading the book of Genesis for starters. And don’t read it like an encyclopedia or science book. It’s a beautiful poetic account of the creation of the world from the perspective of ancient Near Eastern peoples. OMG, some people need a little critical distance.
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DAMN you clever!
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Neal,
.
Great post. Thanks for taking the time and making effort.
.
RAmen
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hey, I’m like you (the dude who posted this) i think patafarienizim is incredibly stupid. But dude, you dont have to spaz out about it. I’m an atheist so i think ALL religions are stupid. But i like this one because i can get a good laugh out of it.
-Tekins
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Jesus is real?
Whoo that convinced me.
Let me just say that your god is as imaginary as ours.
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Just having to ask the question “why would heaven have beer and strippers??? ” shows that you have already wasted most of your life. It is probably too late for you, but maybe one day the FSM will take pity on you.
R’AMEN
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ummm… spageti isn’t god and it didn’t create man. It’s food. His Holyness the Flying Spagetti Monster is god and He created man. duh. And if you really respected and belived in Jesus then you would be nicer to other people like he was. He would have been cool with FSM. He probably would be ashamed that his name was beeing used to try to make someone else feel bad. You probably made him cry.
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Because “heaven” is the manifestation of the reward for everything you’ve done good in your life, and I want strippers and beer to go with my happiness.
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Why did you come to this website in the first place? If you don’t care about what we think, then what makes you think we care what you think or say? I just have to wonder why you and all those other religions start fighting over who has the better, big, all powerful, imaginary friend. “YOUR GOD IS FAKE! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” Yeah, because doing that is going to send you to your heaven right? If you think about it your all so peaceful and loving god, really just causes a lot of deaths (sorry but it is a fact). The Flying Spaghetti Monster on the other hand hasn’t caused any deaths. So in a way we are the most peaceful religion. So the next time you decide to come to a website about something you don’t care about, don’t start talking crap.
FSM For the WORLD
P.S. What good is a heaven without a beer volcano and a stripper factory?
Loyal Pastafarian,
Capn’ Noodly
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@St. John the Blasphemist: I lived in Sweden for a couple of years and noticed the same thing.
To the rest of you, you should check out Christoffer Hitchens book, “God is not Great.” I only had a chance to scan quickly through it but it points out a lot of the problems with pretty much all of the
religions going on today. He seems to have done his historical research and although I don’t necessarily agree with him on every point it seems like a good read. Christians are definitely going to hate it and probably as well as any other fundamentalist. It basically says that all organized religions are crap. Mind you he did fail to mention FSMism. Hmmmm. Makes you think, eh?
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I find these arguments are more about what is faith and religion than the small details of who/what/when/where.
Humans are silly things it dose not take much to spark a religion and have it nearly set in stone and as it ages misconceptions and antaquited lines of thought warp it into something else…ah I am rambling, in the end religion is what you make of it, personally I see it as small groups of humans maintaining a vague form of traditional power structures in order for a family line or group to hold power, this of course is not always the case but I dismiss most religion as selfish look at the chruchs that step over the poor and homeless before them to go else whee in the world to look good for the congregation to get more donations to have a nice gilded stage to “preach” on.
I like faith and spirituality have nothign agisnt that its human mobbings called “religion” I tend to have a distaste for….
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I just checked out your live feed map, and noticed how many Latin Americans are online. Here’s a shout out to all the live spanish-speakers worshipping with me right now:
El monstruo del spagueti es el rey de universo y muy buena onda. Explique todas mis preguntas mas intimos de los grunidos mas profundos de mi ser. Es muy salsero y vivir Pastafarian es vivir super sabrosa. Espero que esta te beneficia igual como a mi me ha beneficiado.
Con carinyo, Princess Pirata del Spagueti.
rAmen
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