it is kind of sad

Published by henderob May 2nd, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism).

It is kind of sad that you think you merit so much attention. L. Ron Hubbard at least had the good sense to make his religion a secretive pyramid scheme; you don’t exactly measure up. So you’ve become reduced to begging the internet anonymous for help. Hey, maybe a personal finance blog or two will get you started: you know, cut down on your daily double mocha triple frosted frappachino, put that money in a high interest cd. But you would have to actually work for the money then. umm, yeah fuck off
-noah

87 Responses to “it is kind of sad”

1. 41 - May 4th, 2008 at 4:25 am - PastaPirate Josh Says:
   
   

   While I commend you for caring enough to use proper grammar and punctuation,(mostly,) If you don’t like the site then I don’t see why you went here in the first place, let alone type hate mail. Shouldn’t you have something better to do, like kicking a puppy?

2. 42 - May 4th, 2008 at 9:29 am - Big Bone Says:
   
   

   Excuse me, Noah, but it seems we have your attention. Ya Dick.
   AND…. I have a job, so I went to a store that sells “L. Ron Hubbard came out of cupboard to give Tom Cruise a bone” books and bought one just so I can start my fire with it of an evening. Ya Dick.
   And while I was drinking my ultra mega frosted triple topped humdinger frappaccino thingy during my work break, I thought about how much of a numb-nuts you must be to write and tell us how much you hate the attention you yourself are giving us. Ya Dick.
   Yes, you Noah, (if the is your real name) are a Dick.
   Ya Dick.

   Biggus Bonus

3. 43 - May 4th, 2008 at 10:27 am - Jacq Says:
   
   

   Ahahaha! Stephanie made my day! I seriously want hate mail from the Buddhists now!
   -Jacqueline Sparrow

4. 44 - May 4th, 2008 at 10:35 am - Meisha Says:
   
   

   How come all the opposition to the FSM either can’t spell or has no concept of grammar?

5. 45 - May 4th, 2008 at 11:42 am - Benji Says:
   
   

   Hum, we live in the modern world, and then?
   .
   Plus we have a life (yeah I assure you), so we do not have time to build an empire of our religion to bother the whole world with it. So we have fun together on the internet.
   .
   And when you think about it, what reasonable and humble person would want to do that??
   .
   Ha shit, Christians and Muslims want to… Forgot about them.
   .
   Peace and pastas.

6. 46 - May 4th, 2008 at 2:13 pm - Cassaundra Alfredo Says:
   
   

   …we have been flooded by ignorance. Does your “god” not teach you to be tolerant and open minded?
   Oh, no he doesn’t. Sorry, wrong religion. Okay, since you’re new to such concepts, we’ll give you the crash course. This website is a satire made to mock the traditional elements of Intelligent Design and Evolutionists (which, my friend, you are supposed to disagree with), particularly when introduced into the classroom. It is a statement, and a damn good one that makes a lot of sense and could maybe teach you a thing or two about blindly accepting what a book or a church is telling you.
   You can either accept the fact that this is true or be an intolerant fool and completely deny it. Either way, you can take your judgment elsewhere because no one here cares.

   may He touch you with His Noodly Appendage
   RAmen.

7. 47 - May 4th, 2008 at 7:04 pm - anim8or Says:
   
   

   I actually have suggested on several occasion that we go the way of the catholic church and just start killing people who disagree with us by the millions, but sadly it sort of goes against the 8 “I really rather you didn’ts”, so I guess our messiah will just have to live off of T-Shirts and swag for now rather than murder (or blatantly forcing people to pay for membership like Scientology).

8. 48 - May 4th, 2008 at 7:14 pm - jeremykeys Says:
   
   

   Hey Noah. Since you’re obviously a good Christian you might be able to help me with this. You apparently are dead against the idea of religions begging for money. So explain to me why all the televangelists beg for money? They’re pretty much all rich. why do they need more? Oh yeah. I forgot. It’s for that fancy ice cream they all love. You know the one. It has that Germanic style name. Ho’s ‘n Blow. Was it Jimmy Swagert or Oral Roberts who several years ago claimed on live TV nonetheless that if he didn’t receive several million dollars “the lord was going to come and take him!” Not begging though.
   And what’s up with all these theme parks? Ring toss for Jesus. White water Arc rafting? Pope on a rope soap. Mark my words, it’s only a matter of time before you have the Sodom and Gomorrah fun house. Now that I think about it it probably already exists. You Christians are pretty much all such sick hipocrates that you wouldn’t think anything wrong with the concept. You know, I would be willing to lay a fairly substantial amount on a bet that there is a higher percentage of moral and ethical people in our church than yours. We don’t falsely advertise. You do. We don’t customize our religion to fit our immediate needs. You do. We have never forced our religion on someone under the threat of death and or torture. You have. Most of us know the history of our religion. Most of you have no clue whatsoever.
   You people tend to pre-judge. We tend to listen and make and informed opinion. Your church seems to be obsessed with huge cathedrals and churches while a great percentage of your following is starving; the money could be better spent. We only want a pirate ship. Your god is demanding and vengeful. Ours is relaxed and easy going. Your heaven is frankly boring as can be. Non stop choir music, bloody awful trumpets, nothing that one can truly enjoy unless you call floating on a cloud fun. Well maybe for a few minutes but after that, naaa. Ours has a beer volcano and strippers.
   Think about it. How many great musicians are in your heaven? Hendrix? Nope. Mozart? Nope. Jim Morrison? Yeah. Right. Keith Moon? Duh! Any of the old blues guys? Waddya think? Franz Liszt? I don’t think so! Beethoven? Naaa. He died of syphilis. Only one way to get that. Ha! John Lennon? Ex junkie.
   All these guys loved pasta tough. Everybody does.
   So tell me. Who’s got the better heaven?
   Ya think?
   R’Amen.
   May you be touched by his noodly appendage.
   You’ll like it’
   We do.
   We also get the joke.
   Unlike you.

9. 49 - May 4th, 2008 at 11:20 pm - Aaron Says:
   
   

   Noah,
   As a person who works full time in wealth management, and has spent years studying economics, never, EVER, use CDs as an argument when mounting an offensive aimed at how a person derives their income and what they do with their time or their money. CDs have only slightly less opportunity cost than blowing it all on lapdances and nachos. Furthermore, high interest CDs don’t exist, so your entire point is rather paradoxical.

   There’s a lot of financial literature out there, get back on your boat and pick up two copies of a basic economics text before you come back.

   Have a nice day,

   A

10. 50 - May 5th, 2008 at 4:36 am - Cappy Caine Says:
    
    

    Noah,

    I don’t think you understand how good it feels to be touched by his wet, noodly appendage. When he touches me, I quiver. No amount of money, not even at 8% return on a 12 month “cd,” can buy that kind of love. Yes, I said it: I LOVE his noodly appendage, so sue me!

    Also, CoFSM is the best investment around because if it’s true, I get so many of his blessings for doing, really, not much but quiver at his touch. If it’s not true, I still get to be touched at least twice a day by his long, wet noodle. You tell me the investment that can deliver that kind of return!

    Ramen

11. 51 - May 5th, 2008 at 11:21 am - James D King of Pirates Says:
    
    

    We target inteligent design, not Scientolgy, yes L. Ron Hubbard, not our main focus yet still evil. So stop emailung us tom cruise, get a life and back off.

12. 52 - May 5th, 2008 at 3:05 pm - ET, the Extra Terrestrial Says:
    
    

    Wow.
    *stands agape, in complete awe of Jeremykeys*

13. 53 - May 5th, 2008 at 3:38 pm - neal Says:
    
    

    Suze Orman’s personal assistant weighs in with financial advice for Bobby.

14. 54 - May 5th, 2008 at 6:25 pm - capekicks Says:
    
    

    I’m glad we at least merit your attention. A big plate of delicious pasta can chase sadness and blues away.
    Look around the FSM site.
    It ain’t about money.
    It’s about freedom.
    (Pastafarians even occasionally refer to the Constitution. Imagine that!)

15. 55 - May 5th, 2008 at 6:26 pm - Cape Buffalo Says:
    
    

    L Ron Hubbard was a fucking cunt, only slightly less deserving of a good assassination attempt than Jerry fucking Fallwell. Those men were not funny and posed a serious threat to society.. Bobby IS funny and poses no threat.

16. 56 - May 6th, 2008 at 1:07 am - MrDucky Says:
    
    

    well said jeremykeys
    i want a pirate ship rather then a lame hall with a cross on it… it can be like pirates of the Caribbean and you can hold marriage ceremonies on there… and good ol’ tentacle face had an organ i believe…
    may you be enlightened and touched by His noodly appendage
    ramen

17. 57 - May 6th, 2008 at 4:16 pm - Flying Spaghetti? Good Idea! Says:
    
    

    The christian church never did anything but financially rape me…

18. 58 - May 6th, 2008 at 7:11 pm - brother ted Says:
    
    

    god needs money!? doesnt he live en heaven? wat the fuk does he need bling fo prostitutes from our factories lmao, how bout u fuk off u jivejivin ass face, suk a fatty

19. 59 - May 6th, 2008 at 8:44 pm - michael Says:
    
    

    i get the feeling that the person doesn’t really understand this
    YOU DON’T HAVE TO DONATE
    THEIR IS NO PRESSURE TO DONATE
    unlike other religions like um… christianity or scientolgy as you pointed out
    and dont say that you dont have to donate
    and if you go to church, i know that you donate otherwise i doubt you would consider yourself religious

20. 60 - May 7th, 2008 at 2:46 am - Archdoom Says:
    
    

    Christians rely on guilt, and hand around that basket/plate, the name of which currently eludes me

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