I can’t believe the internet allows people like you

Published April 20th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

I can’t believe the internet allows people like you publish this satanic filth. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the dumbest religion idea that anyone has ever worshiped. Anyone with 2/3 of a brain can tell it’s false because you worship a MONSTER…. you said so yourself!!!!!! How lame is that? TOTALLY LAME. The internet has got to stop this. You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things. Now look what has happened to you! You worship a MONSTER and then you make up a bunch of bible texts that you tell everyone are real but has anyone ever seen your bible texts? NO THEY HAVE NOT, because you totally made them up, and then you pretended that you live your life by them, which the Kansas School Board is TOTALLY going to figure out, and your whole Flying Spaghetti Monster is going to get punctured like a big balloon and come floating down on your heads and completely crush you… and I’ll be there with plenty of spaghetti sauce to eat it up and rid the world of this Satanic idea, except that I wouldn’t do that because then your monster would be inside of me which I totally don’t want. LOSERS!!!! Don’t you get it? You made it all up! YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you. The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it. Like pasta didn’t even exist when the world was created, so right there you are proved wrong. And in a 100 more ways too. Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts. I hope children don’t find out about you.
-Mark T.

[I suspect this one may be fake, but it was funny, so here it is. It could easily be real, too. The (correct) spelling and grammar is suspicious. --bobby]



277 Responses to “I can’t believe the internet allows people like you”

  1. LittleHeadThinker says:

    Fake! Funny as hell, but fake! Everyone knows noodles have muscles. How else can they fling spaghetti sauce on my shirt.

  2. Gabe says:

    Listen, Mark
    Your message is too ill-informed and poorly thought-out to be addressed with less than a short novel, so i will appeal to a few points.
    It seems to me that you dont understand how the internet works, nor freedom of speech, nor freedom of religion, nor anything about Pastafarianism. Perhaps you should calm your apparently fidgety fingers and your overactive, but still somehow underused, brain, and think about this for just a moment. The fact that this religion is entirely unbelievable is exactly why it exists. We are here to disprove the ‘you cant prove he doesn’t exist’ argument, and for a large, sauce-drenched helping of shared laughter across the planet at you, and all the other hate-mailers out there who are to wrapped up in their fanatical beliefs to spare a second thought about anything they dont immediatly agree with.
    Congratulations, i wish you a quick, painless end (of your life or your beliefs, i care not) before you can spread your seed of hate and discord among the general population, and preferably before you reproduce because the last thing this planet needs is more violent, angry people such as you.
    I hope, for all our sakes and those of the entire species, that children never find out about you.

  3. Rice-a-Roni says:

    Dear Mark T.
    You’re right, THE INTERNET should not allow this. But just a friendly reminder, it’s THE INTERNETS. you forgot the “S” in the end. See, since there are many things that make it up, our dear leader prez Bush has rightly pointed out that it should be called “the internets”.

    personally, i’m a rice guy myself. down with pasta! Rice eaters of the world UNITE! With the 1.2B chinese & the 1B sundry other asians rice lovers, we can take down this BS PASTA crap. And don’t worry – we’ll figure out how to replace the noodly appendage with beads of rice.

  4. ObscurePasta says:

    Hmm Satanism, good idea
    *Turns Up Gorgoroth, the band that is banned from the USA =D*
    (Just because their stage set contained sheep heads on stakes, “crucified” nude models, satanic symbols, and 80 litres of sheep’s blood..)
    I agree that Satanism has as valid a place as Christinity and other similiar religions in the world.
    Eventually they will see the error of their ways and that the FSM is the one true supreme being…
    RAmen

  5. Brian says:

    Joe, Joe, eveyone knowa that Odin is cooler.

  6. Sqid says:

    “YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up”
    Ah… So you admit it’s made up?

  7. MAN says:

    Foolish joe.

  8. FSM Follower says:

    Um…
    “You worship a MONSTER and then you make up a bunch of bible texts that you tell everyone are real but has anyone ever seen your bible texts? NO THEY HAVE NOT, because you totally made them up, and then you pretended that you live your life by them,”

    Isn’t Jesus a zombie?

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