I can’t believe the internet allows people like you

Published April 20th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

I can’t believe the internet allows people like you publish this satanic filth. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the dumbest religion idea that anyone has ever worshiped. Anyone with 2/3 of a brain can tell it’s false because you worship a MONSTER…. you said so yourself!!!!!! How lame is that? TOTALLY LAME. The internet has got to stop this. You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things. Now look what has happened to you! You worship a MONSTER and then you make up a bunch of bible texts that you tell everyone are real but has anyone ever seen your bible texts? NO THEY HAVE NOT, because you totally made them up, and then you pretended that you live your life by them, which the Kansas School Board is TOTALLY going to figure out, and your whole Flying Spaghetti Monster is going to get punctured like a big balloon and come floating down on your heads and completely crush you… and I’ll be there with plenty of spaghetti sauce to eat it up and rid the world of this Satanic idea, except that I wouldn’t do that because then your monster would be inside of me which I totally don’t want. LOSERS!!!! Don’t you get it? You made it all up! YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you. The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it. Like pasta didn’t even exist when the world was created, so right there you are proved wrong. And in a 100 more ways too. Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts. I hope children don’t find out about you.
-Mark T.

[I suspect this one may be fake, but it was funny, so here it is. It could easily be real, too. The (correct) spelling and grammar is suspicious. --bobby]



277 Responses to “I can’t believe the internet allows people like you”

  1. Sara :) says:

    “The internet has got to stop this. You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.”

    FYI the internet is not a person and therefore can not “stop” anything. Plus, the second sentence in this quote is quite ignorant. Do you actually want people to stop thinking for themselves or just stop thinking at all, so that we can all become morons like you?

    “Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts.”

    What do you know of Him? Perhaps our Flying Spaghetti Monster does not need brainwaves! And you are stupid to say that scientific results are false. You just made a totally ignorant claim about brainwaves! FYI brainwaves were also discovered by scientists. And when you speak of scientists as stupid because they “have no Jesus in their hearts” than you look even more idiotic! Scientists can be of all religions and just because some of them do not believe the same as you doesn’t make them stupid!

    -Love, Sara :)

  2. Saefas says:

    My absolute favorite part is “…like pasta didn’t even exist when the world was created…”

  3. Derek Leale says:

    The difference between this religion and any other religion is? All religion is fake get a fucking clue people

  4. Joe says:

    My personal favorite is Thor, but hey, who am I to rain on anyone’s religion, or beliefs.

    You all take care.

  5. Ande says:

    “You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.”
    this quote has a certain level of awesomeness attached to it, I might start put it on things, you know, the ones I like to think about, just because I feel like thinking about them

  6. DrainedAgain says:

    “I hope children don’t find out about you.” Hmm, it seems from this post that at least one already has.
    I’m not even being sarcastic.

  7. jobe says:

    Christians worship a God who has committed mass murder on several occasions, on some occasions mass murder of chuildren. Also, per his own book, he created Mankind to force them to worship him to satiate his own insecurity. Sounds like a monster to me.

  8. TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

    quotes: “and then you make up a bunch of bible texts that you tell everyone are real ” and
    “YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you. ” strike me as
    hilarious. So, it wasn’t the gospels of Mark, Luke, Matthew and ..Ringo, after all? God wrote them?

    And tell me again of how GOD founded a religion? Hell, even Jesus Christ didn’t found a religion, his followers did, and they had arguments about that, too. The majority thought they’d just refine Judaism.

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