I can’t believe the internet allows people like you

Published April 20th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

I can’t believe the internet allows people like you publish this satanic filth. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the dumbest religion idea that anyone has ever worshiped. Anyone with 2/3 of a brain can tell it’s false because you worship a MONSTER…. you said so yourself!!!!!! How lame is that? TOTALLY LAME. The internet has got to stop this. You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things. Now look what has happened to you! You worship a MONSTER and then you make up a bunch of bible texts that you tell everyone are real but has anyone ever seen your bible texts? NO THEY HAVE NOT, because you totally made them up, and then you pretended that you live your life by them, which the Kansas School Board is TOTALLY going to figure out, and your whole Flying Spaghetti Monster is going to get punctured like a big balloon and come floating down on your heads and completely crush you… and I’ll be there with plenty of spaghetti sauce to eat it up and rid the world of this Satanic idea, except that I wouldn’t do that because then your monster would be inside of me which I totally don’t want. LOSERS!!!! Don’t you get it? You made it all up! YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you. The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it. Like pasta didn’t even exist when the world was created, so right there you are proved wrong. And in a 100 more ways too. Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts. I hope children don’t find out about you.
-Mark T.

[I suspect this one may be fake, but it was funny, so here it is. It could easily be real, too. The (correct) spelling and grammar is suspicious. --bobby]



277 Responses to “I can’t believe the internet allows people like you”

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  1. Noodlenut says:

    ‘You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.’
    You got it one Marky boy…

  2. Alex King says:

    Lest you understand, the Internet is not a living organism, nor can it just spontaneously decide to shut down a web site because some people are not touched by His Noodely Appendage.

    RAmen

  3. PastaTux says:

    @Mark T – How can the Internet allow people who don’t understand Satire to write what you wrote? If what you have written is representative Christians and what and how they want people to think then Thank FSM for for the Internet and what it allows us to publish for ourselves!

  4. Lúcifer says:

    The looser reaction!

  5. PB says:

    OH the irony in this post…

    “You made it all up! YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you. The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it.”

    No, stop it, please…….

  6. ThatAthiestGuy says:

    Does he even know what the Internet IS?

    I don’t even know where to start…

  7. mentos says:

    Wh- wh- wh- what?! G-god ma-made it a-all up?

    Someone with a mental DISEASE could figure out this was sarcasm you DUMB SHIT!

    And the funniest part is where you think you’re smart with your “logic”, why don’t you use that logic on that Jesus of yours?

    Doctor: “It appears you have a tumor in your heart… oh no wait, that’s jesus…”

    I would like to see you get to work without all these “fake” scientists, without your car, the low fat food, for FSM’s sake, even plastic wouldn’t be there without all these scientists, nothing to coat your computer with. You should be damn gratefull for these scientists, not for something WHICH YOU CAN’T EVEN PROVE IS THERE! Oh and children DID find out about him.
    Hi, I’m 14 and I think you’re an idiot.

    P.S. I’m confused… are you worshiping the internet or Jesus? Because you act like both are awesome powers not to be meddled with.

  8. The Josh says:

    Sometimes when I read these, I lose a bit of faith in humanity and feel that the world is heading down the toilet. But then I think, hey, Big Macs and baconators arent gonna make themselves, and I dont want to live in a world without them.

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