I can’t believe the internet allows people like you

Published April 20th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

I can’t believe the internet allows people like you publish this satanic filth. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the dumbest religion idea that anyone has ever worshiped. Anyone with 2/3 of a brain can tell it’s false because you worship a MONSTER…. you said so yourself!!!!!! How lame is that? TOTALLY LAME. The internet has got to stop this. You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things. Now look what has happened to you! You worship a MONSTER and then you make up a bunch of bible texts that you tell everyone are real but has anyone ever seen your bible texts? NO THEY HAVE NOT, because you totally made them up, and then you pretended that you live your life by them, which the Kansas School Board is TOTALLY going to figure out, and your whole Flying Spaghetti Monster is going to get punctured like a big balloon and come floating down on your heads and completely crush you… and I’ll be there with plenty of spaghetti sauce to eat it up and rid the world of this Satanic idea, except that I wouldn’t do that because then your monster would be inside of me which I totally don’t want. LOSERS!!!! Don’t you get it? You made it all up! YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you. The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it. Like pasta didn’t even exist when the world was created, so right there you are proved wrong. And in a 100 more ways too. Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts. I hope children don’t find out about you.
-Mark T.

[I suspect this one may be fake, but it was funny, so here it is. It could easily be real, too. The (correct) spelling and grammar is suspicious. --bobby]



277 Responses to “I can’t believe the internet allows people like you”

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  1. Kamari Woodward says:

    i love these lyrics!

  2. JJ of Cascadia says:

    “You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.”

    Honestly, I just don’t see any harm in this.

  3. bodie says:

    oh my pasta.
    this is probably the best one I’ve ever read.
    bless his heart for trying so hard.

  4. Garrick McElroy says:

    “…it’s false because you worship a MONSTER…”
    The definition of Monster from the Latin root is “That is which is unknown, or unrevealed.”

    The next sentence I cannot understand for the life of me.
    “You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things…”
    What?

    “You worship a MONSTER and then you make up a bunch of bible texts that you tell everyone are real but has anyone ever seen your bible texts?”
    Me. I read the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I saw the texts, there is a book, look it up.

    I’m not gonna go any further, I think my IQ just dropped a few points.

    Here’s to hoping His Noodly Appendage touches you,
    -GM
    RAmen

    If you have any questions about, or just want to discuss the existence of the FSM, you can reach me at kanastag@comcast.net

  5. Taylor says:

    “You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.”
    Why yes, we absolutely love to think about things. If we could, we would dedicate our entire lives to thinking about things. Oh wait…we do. Thank you, though. Thank you for being a complete and utter imbecile. We need people who don’t enjoy thinking about things quite as much as you do to break the monotony of being intelligent, because, you know, being smart is really emotionally taxing and all. May the FSM be with you, oh comedic relief.

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