I can’t believe the internet allows people like you

Published by henderob April 20th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism).

I can’t believe the internet allows people like you publish this satanic filth. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the dumbest religion idea that anyone has ever worshiped. Anyone with 2/3 of a brain can tell it’s false because you worship a MONSTER…. you said so yourself!!!!!! How lame is that? TOTALLY LAME. The internet has got to stop this. You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things. Now look what has happened to you! You worship a MONSTER and then you make up a bunch of bible texts that you tell everyone are real but has anyone ever seen your bible texts? NO THEY HAVE NOT, because you totally made them up, and then you pretended that you live your life by them, which the Kansas School Board is TOTALLY going to figure out, and your whole Flying Spaghetti Monster is going to get punctured like a big balloon and come floating down on your heads and completely crush you… and I’ll be there with plenty of spaghetti sauce to eat it up and rid the world of this Satanic idea, except that I wouldn’t do that because then your monster would be inside of me which I totally don’t want. LOSERS!!!! Don’t you get it? You made it all up! YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you. The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it. Like pasta didn’t even exist when the world was created, so right there you are proved wrong. And in a 100 more ways too. Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts. I hope children don’t find out about you.
-Mark T.

[I suspect this one may be fake, but it was funny, so here it is. It could easily be real, too. The (correct) spelling and grammar is suspicious. –bobby]

267 Responses to “I can’t believe the internet allows people like you”

1. 221 - May 25th, 2008 at 6:26 pm - LadyGnocchi Says:
   
   

   ‘Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts’

   I’m going to wait for that sentence to come around again before jumping on the anti-logic train. I think someone’s just undermined themselves! Applause, applause.

   Wouldn’t having Jesus in your heart give you a heart attack, or at least be a bit uncomfortable? I heard he was kinda big…

2. 222 - May 26th, 2008 at 7:17 am - myxoma Says:
   
   

   hey, I think he is the prophet our flying spaghetti monster lord sent!! he is just testing our commitment!! all hail to you our saviour St. Lamestprickever!!

3. 223 - May 26th, 2008 at 3:14 pm - James Says:
   
   

   Firstly, two thirds? Really? Is that exact? Or an estimate? Why not…I don’t know…maybe three fourths?

   Anonymous. Because none of us are as cruel as all of us.

4. 224 - May 26th, 2008 at 4:11 pm - Heather Says:
   
   

   In the beginning I thought it was pretty legit, but before I reached the end when he mentioned “noodley appendage” I started thinking it was fake. Ah, it made me giggle though.

5. 225 - May 27th, 2008 at 6:38 am - TzG Says:
   
   

   Mark T. sounds like Mr. T, if you know what I mean.

   Also, photoshopped, shadows are wrong, pixels, etc. etc.

6. 226 - May 27th, 2008 at 9:50 am - Bananator Says:
   
   

   Aw, Man I hate it when that internet just comes up and blocks things on it’s own accord!
   It’s like it’s own… deity!!!
   Dude! I just started a religion!!!

7. 227 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:43 am - mik Says:
   
   

   I think the impossible has happened - Christians have just slipped down another notch in my esteem, along with every other organisation which indoctrinates its members into the ‘group’, or ‘us and them’ mentality i.e. the government, police, religions/cults.

8. 228 - May 27th, 2008 at 11:15 am - Zam Says:
   
   

   If you feel that Pastafarian’s are pathetic, now you know how I feel towards most of humanity.

9. 229 - May 27th, 2008 at 2:27 pm - Chucara Says:
   
   

   You dolt! The Internet is not a person, it is a series of tubes! Tubes can’t decide anything!

10. 230 - May 27th, 2008 at 3:16 pm - Not one of us Says:
    
    

    I believe the author of this peace is having a bit of fun. He,or she likely is sitting back right now LHAO reading all of these heart felt responses to the rant. I suppose that sarcasm can go both ways and sometimes becomes too subtle for the intended audience. FSM has, of course been the victim of the same type of misunderstanding. I do like the reference to the Internet. It spawns so many great reactions and that, in it’s self was an excellent turn of phrase. I suppose the Internet gets tired of being blamed for every idiot and humorist that posits their ideas, but at least it refrains from interference. Maybe the FSM and the Internet have worked out an agreement. If so, I believe it needs some work. Maybe somebody of your faith could put in a good word as I am somewhat skeptical that FSM really cares what happens here. If it is interested it would likely be more likely consumed* with the stamping out the use of ground beef in spaghetti sauce as apposed to nice Italian sausage as every truly saved person knows is the correct way to make spaghetti. Pardon the run on but I can get excited when theology is involved but I digress. If how ever the “Mark” is not having a bit of fun, I wish to disown him as one of the Christian faith. Some of our faith have lost their sense of humor and having done so lost their way. I believe that we all have something in common that we can sit down over a hot spaghetti dinner and agree on. “Do as you’d be done by” as paraphrased by CS Lewis in “The Abolition of Man”. Peace be with you and your family and friends.

    *it is with no disrespect that I used the term “consume” in reference to your deity. I am not implying the FSM is likely to consume or be consumed in any way. Please forgive any unintended offense on my part.
    Joe

11. 231 - May 27th, 2008 at 4:56 pm - Not one of us Says:
    
    

    I believe the author of this peace is having a bit of fun. He,or she likely is sitting back right now LHAO reading all of these heart felt responses to the rant. I suppose that sarcasm can go both ways and sometimes becomes too subtle for the intended audience. FSM has, of course been the victim of the same type of misunderstanding. I do like the reference to the Internet. It spawns so many great reactions and that, in it’s self was an excellent turn of phrase. I suppose the Internet gets tired of being blamed for every idiot and humorist that posits their ideas, but at least it refrains from interference. Maybe the FSM and the Internet have worked out an agreement. If so, I believe it needs some work. Maybe somebody of your faith could put in a good word as I am somewhat skeptical that FSM really cares what happens here. If it is interested it would be more likely consumed* with the stamping out the use of ground beef in spaghetti sauce as apposed to nice Italian sausage as every truly saved person knows is the correct way to make spaghetti. Pardon the run on but I can get excited when theology is involved, but I digress. If how ever the “Mark” is not having a bit of fun, I wish to disown him as one of the Christian faith. Some of our faith have lost their sense of humor and having done so lost their way. I believe that we all have something in common that we can sit down over a hot spaghetti dinner and agree on. “Do as you’d be done by” as paraphrased by CS Lewis in “The Abolition of Man”. Peace be with you and your family and friends.

    *it is with no disrespect that I used the term “consume” in reference to your deity. I am not implying the FSM is likely to consume or be consumed in any way. Please forgive any unintended offense on my part.
    Joe

12. 232 - May 27th, 2008 at 5:04 pm - Paulo Says:
    
    

    >You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things

    Win.

13. 233 - May 27th, 2008 at 10:29 pm - trevor Says:
    
    

    hahaha it’s funny because that’s what every other religion does…. idiot.

14. 234 - May 28th, 2008 at 6:43 am - TheFewTheProudTheMarinara Says:
    
    

    Mark T: Would you describe yourself as a God FEARING man? Who better to fear than a Monster?? As to your referrences to Satan - it got me thinking, seeing as how I’m not a Pastafarian (yet) - is there an ANTI-pasta who embodies everything evil??

15. 235 - May 28th, 2008 at 2:52 pm - Taylor Says:
    
    

    “You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.”

    Are you serious?!? Seems that, while this guy is demeaning thinking himself, hes done quite a bit of-albeit illogical- thinking himself about this sorta thing. my response is maybe get out a little more? see the sun? get a tan on that pasty white skin of yours, Mark. peace.

16. 236 - May 28th, 2008 at 4:48 pm - Ben Says:
    
    

    Ok first of all this kid seriously needs a life for writing that whole thing out and 2/3 of your brain???? what the hell kid? And wow, no muscles inside a noodle, really? are you sure? i’m going to have to check that out!

17. 237 - May 28th, 2008 at 4:50 pm - Ben Says:
    
    

    And yay the part about us making up our religion every single religion ever was technically “made up” by someone so all the other religions are no better than ours if not worse!
    RAmen

18. 238 - May 28th, 2008 at 4:58 pm - Kate Says:
    
    

    I do not truly believe in the FSM, however I do agree with the idea of it. There are many religions that I, and many other people, think are ’stupid’ or ‘completely unrealistic’ but I respect them because they have every right to believe in what they choose. The FSM religion is no different than any other religion, in my opinion. It was more recently ‘made up’ but I think that most religions are ‘made up’ and ‘ridiculous’ if not all of them. What makes this religion any different?
    Just because you think it is “the dumbest religion idea that anyone has ever worshiped” doesn’t mean that you are immediately right. You think it’s a false god? I think God is false. It doesn’t matter, it’s up to each person to decide what they believe. That’s what religion is.
    I think it’s amazing the amount of anger and hate that has been shown through this project. It proves a very valid point, I think. I also think it’s wrong that death threats are allowed against the FSM followers, but is considered a ‘Hate Crime’ against any other religion that has just as much validation as this one.

19. 239 - May 28th, 2008 at 11:03 pm - that guy over there. Says:
    
    

    All I can say is bravo Pluveus. bravo.

20. 240 - May 29th, 2008 at 1:20 am - Wench Nikkiee Says:
    
    

    “I also think it’s wrong that death threats are allowed against the FSM followers, but is considered a ‘Hate Crime’ against any other religion that has just as much validation as this one.”
    .
    RAmen Kate

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