I can’t believe the internet allows people like you publish this satanic filth. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the dumbest religion idea that anyone has ever worshiped. Anyone with 2/3 of a brain can tell it’s false because you worship a MONSTER…. you said so yourself!!!!!! How lame is that? TOTALLY LAME. The internet has got to stop this. You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things. Now look what has happened to you! You worship a MONSTER and then you make up a bunch of bible texts that you tell everyone are real but has anyone ever seen your bible texts? NO THEY HAVE NOT, because you totally made them up, and then you pretended that you live your life by them, which the Kansas School Board is TOTALLY going to figure out, and your whole Flying Spaghetti Monster is going to get punctured like a big balloon and come floating down on your heads and completely crush you… and I’ll be there with plenty of spaghetti sauce to eat it up and rid the world of this Satanic idea, except that I wouldn’t do that because then your monster would be inside of me which I totally don’t want. LOSERS!!!! Don’t you get it? You made it all up! YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you. The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it. Like pasta didn’t even exist when the world was created, so right there you are proved wrong. And in a 100 more ways too. Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts. I hope children don’t find out about you.
-Mark T.
[I suspect this one may be fake, but it was funny, so here it is. It could easily be real, too. The (correct) spelling and grammar is suspicious. –bobby]
‘You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.’
You got it one Marky boy…
Lest you understand, the Internet is not a living organism, nor can it just spontaneously decide to shut down a web site because some people are not touched by His Noodely Appendage.
RAmen
@Mark T - How can the Internet allow people who don’t understand Satire to write what you wrote? If what you have written is representative Christians and what and how they want people to think then Thank FSM for for the Internet and what it allows us to publish for ourselves!
The looser reaction!
OH the irony in this post…
“You made it all up! YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you. The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it.”
No, stop it, please…….
Does he even know what the Internet IS?
I don’t even know where to start…
Wh- wh- wh- what?! G-god ma-made it a-all up?
Someone with a mental DISEASE could figure out this was sarcasm you DUMB SHIT!
And the funniest part is where you think you’re smart with your “logic”, why don’t you use that logic on that Jesus of yours?
Doctor: “It appears you have a tumor in your heart… oh no wait, that’s jesus…”
I would like to see you get to work without all these “fake” scientists, without your car, the low fat food, for FSM’s sake, even plastic wouldn’t be there without all these scientists, nothing to coat your computer with. You should be damn gratefull for these scientists, not for something WHICH YOU CAN’T EVEN PROVE IS THERE! Oh and children DID find out about him.
Hi, I’m 14 and I think you’re an idiot.
P.S. I’m confused… are you worshiping the internet or Jesus? Because you act like both are awesome powers not to be meddled with.
Sometimes when I read these, I lose a bit of faith in humanity and feel that the world is heading down the toilet. But then I think, hey, Big Macs and baconators arent gonna make themselves, and I dont want to live in a world without them.
Now THIS is real hate mail. Not the monosylabic profanity and homosexual references. This is something you can sink your teeth into.
First let me start with:
Pronunciation: \ˈsa-ˌtī(-ə)r\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin satura, satira, perhaps from (lanx) satura dish of mixed ingredients, from feminine of satur well-fed; akin to Latin satis enough — more at sad
Date: 1501
1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly
Does that help?
Yes, that’s it. This IS all really a joke. We DON”T actually beleive the FSM is there and I think the kansas school board may have worked that out along with the polk county guys.
What is it that makes the FSM so unbeleivable anyway? Why is it less credible than some nebulous sky man raping some woman to have a son and then allowing him to be nailed to a tree? Why is the notion of spaghetti having brainwaves so abhorrent when a smouldering shrub talking to a bearded loony on a mountain is perfectly reasonable to you?
Finally and most importantly, why should we be denied our freedom of speech and you be allowed to say anything you want? In all democracies the freedom of speech and religion is one of the most prized privelidges we have and who are you to say that they should be taken away from us? or from anybody?
“God” is also monster… a giant monster floating in the clouds that recreates himself as a man only to hang himself up on a cross. A little sadistic if you ask me.
Theres a lot to be taken into context from this hate mail. For example that it would make perfectly total sense and would be just as relevant and understandable if you replaced the word ‘monster’ (or FSM) with ‘God’ and the the “church of FSM” to christianity and then replace his REAL GOD (I found that amusing), with the The FSM. Because both religions are the same. think about it, because a long time ago, moses was there, when NO one was around and nobody saw, up on an isolated rock, and he said he spoke to god and has a list of ten things, that nobody is allowed to do. and everyone believed him. thats was a long time ago, and that religon, fakes as it was, worked fine. Its still the same crap story which is boring and not really inspiring or believable, and it REALLY outadated. it may have been good thousands of years ago but it has nothing really to offer in the society anymore nowadays. Now, you. you happily agree to believe in that religion no questions asked. but you have to remember that anything you are told to believe in isn’t neccisairily the right thing or the actual REAL GOD just because the christians told you that. Oh and you are a little ignorant, saying pasta didn’t exist in the beginning of time because in the beginnng of time, ALL the ingridients to making pasta existed plentifully. Just as for example your story says a magical snake talked to a dude called adam, and that because of sin, clothes where invented very shortly after the world. If the FSM is able to fly its probably a little bit more than pasta allowing it to think and be happy and what not. I understand you cannot accept that, but if you still only choose to accept and the invisible man up in the clouds, then you are narrowminded, and do not deserve at all to attack anothers religion, and other thing is that The church of FSM is a REALLY good religion, in the fact that, it is at peace. Its a peaceful religion full of joy as it SHOULD be. opposed to your religion,christianity, which has killed MILLIONS in the name of the invisible man in the clouds. I understand that you may be a little bit challenged in reading, however try to understand why your point is complete bull.
“The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it.”
Just change “monster” to “God” and voilá!
Okay, since no one has replied, at least at the time I submitted this for moderation, I’ll be the one to break this hate mail down line by line. I hope you all enjoy it.
1.) “I can’t believe the internet allows people like you publish this satanic filth.”
1. Satanic should be capitalized.
2. It technically can’t be Satanic, because we worship a creator Deity.
3. If you really want to see some Satanic filth go here
2.) “The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the dumbest religion idea that anyone has ever worshiped.”
1. The sentence should be
A) “The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the dumbest Deity that anyone has ever worshiped.” or…
B) “The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the dumbest religion anyone has ever practiced.”
C) The Flying Spaghetti Monster it the Deity we worship, and Pastafarianism is the religion we practice, in fact, we reject the worshiping of the religion itself, it’s in The Gospel.
2. Where is your evidence to support your argument?
3. Have you read anything about Scientology?
3.) “Anyone with 2/3 of a brain can tell it’s false because you worship a MONSTER…. you said so yourself!!!!!!”
1. Only one Exclamation Point is necessary.
2. Actually most of the people with only 2/3 of a brain are the ones who think it’s false
3. Monsters aren’t inherently evil, the only real difference between a monster and a god is the connotative meaning of the word. Ex: The Judeo-Christian God, according to their own religious texts, utterly destroyed two prosperous cities and even wiped out all of humanity except eight people because he felt that they weren’t worthy of life. That sounds pretty monstrous to me.
4.) “How lame is that?”
1. Was that rhetorical or do you really want my opinion?
2. No lamer than any other religion.
5.) “TOTALLY LAME.”
1. Ah-ha, it was rhetorical.
2. See above.
6.) “The internet has got to stop this.”
1. The internet is not an independent thinking being.
2. The majority of the internet community actually embraces us, because we promote religious tolerance.
3. The internet stopping us would be, strictly speaking, religious persecution.
7.) “You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.”
1. The first two instances of the word think need the word about after them as well.
2. Yes? And… It’s called intelligence.
3. Freedom of thought is one of the principles that America, the country in which I and the prophet Bobby Henderson live, was founded on.
8.) “Now look what has happened to you!”
1. Angry Christians have written us much hate mail?
9.) “You worship a MONSTER and then you make up a bunch of bible texts that you tell everyone are real but has anyone ever seen your bible texts?”
1. So what if we worship a monster. See sentence three response three.
2. All biblical texts are made-up, that’s the nature of literature.
3. Actually I own a copy of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. you can buy one yourself by clicking the link just below the FSM Store banner.
I’m gonna break this run-on sentence into the various complete sentences it should have been broken into.
10.) “NO THEY HAVE NOT, because you totally made them up, and then you pretended that you live your life by them,”
1. See responses two and three above.
2. Actually, we do live our lives by His teachings, for example, in accordance with “I’d really rather you didn’t” #6, I believe, I ate before I challenged you bigoted ideas.
11.) “which the Kansas School Board is TOTALLY going to figure out, and your whole Flying Spaghetti Monster is going to get punctured like a big balloon and come floating down on your heads and completely crush you…”
1. I’m glad that you took the time to read the open letter to the Kansas School Board, but in the future, please read the responses that Bobby received from them.
2. Being omnipresent, omnipotent, invisible, intangible, and immaterial, it would be impossible to puncture the FSM.
3. Being self contained, I assume you compare the FSM to a helium balloon which, being under pressure, would not deflate when punctured, it would shred.
4. If you are comparing Him to a Hot Air Balloon, however, although He could float down onto our heads, being a lighter than air vehicle, probably wouldn’t crush us, although we may suffocate.
5. Further, being immaterial, He has no weight. See response two to this statement.
12.) “and I’ll be there with plenty of spaghetti sauce to eat it up and rid the world of this Satanic idea, except that I wouldn’t do that because then your monster would be inside of me which I totally don’t want.”
1. I congratulate you on not falling into the logical trap that many other Hate Mail writers do, as well as capitalizing Satanic.
2. As for it being Satanic, see the responses to sentence one.
3. Why wouldn’t you want the FSM inside you? You seem like you could use a bit of tolerance.
13.) “LOSERS!!!!”
1. Again, only one exclamation point needed.
2. Justification please.
3. In the words of Pee-wee Herman, “I know you are but what am I?”
14.) “Don’t you get it?”
1. Yes we do, we’ve read the Gospel.
15.) “You made it all up!”
1. See the responses to statements nine and ten.
16.) “YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you.”
1. O capitalization is unnecessary.
2. The FSM did make it up, and told his story through the Prophet Bobby Henderson (PBUH)
3. That’s how the Christian Bible was written as well, if it can be taken on face value.
17.) “The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it.”
1. See response three above.
2. I myself have seen signs of his noodlyness myself.
3. No one has tricked us any more than any other religion does, we actively choose to believe.
4. Actually God creating humanity while intoxicated explains a lot.
18.) “Like pasta didn’t even exist when the world was created, so right there you are proved wrong.”
1. Peptide chains and primitive life forms like protozoa and blue-green algae, the first plant-like bacteria, resemble spaghetti far more than they do Humans, not to mention “the building blocks of life” DNA look like long strands of pasta.
2. Research Plato’s allegory of the cave.
3. Actually we are conjectured wrong, you can’t really prove us wrong, as the Flying Spaghetti Monster is invisible and cannot be seen.
19.) “And in a 100 more ways too.”
1. List them please, at least five more.
20.) “Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts.”
1. Omnipotent, intangible beings don’t need muscles, or a brain, they just are.
2. Than you for agreeing that the results are false, we accept your apology.
3. Actually, there are quite a few scientists who have Jesus in their hearts, but you won’t find them here, because they don’t send hate mail.
21.) “I hope children don’t find out about you.”
1. See the article “unexpected fsm sighting in painting”
2. I hope that children find out about us, because maybe they’ll learn to tolerate views other than their own.
May his noodly goodness be with you
RAmen.
I say, he got a point there - very good thinking to add plenty of spaghetti sauce when worshipping HIM even subconsciously and in a very devoted eat-from-the-ground style like this person, I say.
His Holy Noodles should love that approach. Tasty!
I lol’d.
Please Mark, send us more stuff.
I need stuff like this to laugh to.
ALSO: In case you AREN’T just screwing with us, I’m pretty sure that if the Internet was going to spontaneously remove things of its own volition it would have killed 4Chan and/or you years ago.
Quick - someone tell the guy that runs the internet to STOP IT! Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?
lmfao rofl
so how far back does your families inbreading go????
appearantly, you have never been to /b/
You speak of the internet as if it had a conscience. You’ve obviously seen too many B-grade science fiction movies.
.
St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Paranoid Androids
And God is not a monster?
“Nothing can stop the work of FSM from progressing” - Caine
I would reaffirm that nothing, not “the internet” or even the French navy can stop it. You just need to relax, man.
Oh Dear… Not Another..
When will people learn that this is a satirical religion?! It is quite obvious to anyone with a brain in their head that this is a “religion” made to emphasize the stupidity of intelligent design. It is a mere religious statement, nothing more. Judging from the eloquency of your comment, however, it is obvious that you are highly unintelligent and thus would not understand the point that I am making.
Hi Mark T.
Thank you for providing a good laugh! ;-) (Even though it might be fake. As Bobby puts it: “The (correct) spelling and grammar is suspicious”.)
Here’s my favorites:
“You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.”
“Don’t you get it? You made it all up! YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you.”
“Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts.”
“because then your monster would be inside of me which I totally don’t want.”
Wait, wait, so do you believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s existance or not? He can’t get inside you if he’s not real, can he? ;)
“Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts.”
Gotta love the completely out fo the blue stab at science.
Damn guys - Mark T. is right. Eventually the Kansas School Board is going to see right through our little ruse! I guess the jig is up.
Nice job seeing through our invisible Flying Spaghetti Monster before anyone else figured it out Mark T.
Stripper factories RULE!
WWFSMD
*num num num* Don’t mind me. I’m just feasting on the delicious irony/hypocrisy in this post.
I find I’m just a tad stuffed.
I honestly don’t think I could have another bite of your foolishness.
lets see,
===we think anything we want beacuse we like to think: true
===we made it all up: how is any other religion different, IRONY, but true
===it makes no sense: So… how can a burning bush talk? After you explain that I will consider your point
===you worship a monster: ummmm yea, i assume christian so ill remind you of sodom and gomorrah, the great flood, the 10 plagues in egypt…… list goes on. i’d rather the unfriendly looking one that turns out to be friendly to the friendly looking one that turns out to be a murdurous psycho
===anyone with 2/3 of a brain can see this is fake: yea, 1/3 more than you have
===I cant believe the internet allows for this stuff to be posted: well, after young-earth creationism the internet decided it had to lower its standards
===has any1 ever seen your bible texts: yes, its called the gospel of the flying spaghetti monster, you can find it anywhere
===the kansas school board is going to figure you out: they havent yet, like you said “it takes 2/3 of a brain to realize this is fake”, well those kansas rednecks have been interbreeding with close relatives for a long time, and this is when strange deformities start to set in………..
I am totally down with worshiping Spaghetti Monsters over a Vengeful all seeing all knowing NWO Fundamentalist Occult-based Anti-God.
All hail the SpagMo!!!!
“The internet has got to stop this.”
Brilliant! We will all pray to our Lord Internet to stop this! Really, there are kinkier things in internet even if that were a real religion
“is the dumbest religion idea that anyone has ever worshiped” i’m not so sure. Have you heard about christianism?
“You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things”
I’m sure you can’t read out that fast withouth mistakes
“You worship a MONSTER” And yours is a mass murderer, kinda of a terrorist
“you totally made them up, and then you pretended that you live your life by them”
Are we speaking again about christianism?
“rid the world of this Satanic idea” Satan doesn’t exists either
“The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it.”
That’s a good point. of course the people who said that they saw the miracles in the bible were very different
“Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside”
Silly! It’s a Holy noddly appendage. It doesn’t needs muscles. Also, how could your God create us from dust? It has no cells “inside”.
“so right there you are proved wrong” Ok, so? we could prove you wrong 1000 times, and you would still believe. It’s called religion.
“the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts”
No comment. He must be kidding.
RAmen
@PB, I agree. The Irony in this mail is hilarious, at best.
.
“Don’t you get it? You made it all up!”
Well, yes, we know that. We know this thing is made up. That’s why we joined. Because this religion, as far as science goes, is just as good as yours.
You seem to already know this:
“it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts”
I’ve never heard of science requiring “Jesus in their heart”; and furthermore, I know plenty of scientist who are passionate Christians. The reason Christianity is never taken into account of Science is due to peer review: science has to be acceptable (i.e. religiously neutral) to all professional scientists of all religion, all around the world…including atheist, Buddhist, Anti-Christians, and my religion, Shintoist.
From here, whether you decide a scientific theory/fact that over a million scientists argued, tested, modified, and finally agreed upon all around world is True or False is of you own choice. Seeing so many people worked hard on finding evidence for and against evolution, and concluded that it is definitely real, I’d rather stick with Evolution than Intelligent Design, a “new” theory that very little scientists agree upon.
this got the most hilarious title I’ve ever seen
this was one of the funnier ones i have seen in a while. I wonder if he ‘prays’ to the Internet. He seems to think the Internet is a being who has powers of censorship. Maybe he lives in china.
Mark, where are your meds?
“The internet has got to stop this.”
quick, we need the heads of the internet to have a meeting, double time!
this unbeliever really needs the grace of the noodly appendage at this point in his life.
Ramen my brothers.
First of all, we have NO Bible because the Bible is a Christian text. We DO have The Gospel though, and i HAVE seen it. MANY MANY times, because i own a copy myself, and my friends all own copies. Also, just because Spaghetti wasn’t around in the beginning doesn’t mean He wasn’t. I mean he is just in the image of Spaghetti. Similarly your God had nothing of HIS image around at the beginning of time. People didn’t come around till BILLIONS of ears later. So please let us worship what we please.
Hmm…some decent logic for once. Too bad you do not have science professors endorsing your hypothesis, though.
yes please stop it… I’m peeing in my pants from laughing at this :)
Real or fake. I like it when people get it, but don’t actually get it. Very entertaining.
Dear Spaghetti Monster, thank you! Finally we get a troll that can spell, if not follow a logical conclusion. Still, another dull troll who wants to eat god. Hrm. Sounds Catholic to me.
Worst Hate Mail- ever.
you’re an idiot.
LIKE……TOTALLY……Yahhh.
Besides the fact we are dealing with a 15 year old “valley-girl” (albeit an articulate one…..kudos for that), it just never ceases to amaze me the number of folks that just don’t get it.
RAmen All
Dear Mark,
What do you mean it’s not real? It must be!
I saw it on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Gospel-Flying-Spaghetti-Monster/dp/0812976568?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180375352&sr=8-1), they sold it to me!
I buy it, so should you!
RAmen
Lieverik
who needs folgers when i can wake up to the ramblings of a lunatic? i always love hatemail in the morning :-)
newsflash mark: ALL religions are made up.
I never thought about it that way…NOODLES DON’T HAVE MUSCLES!!! That’s why it makes perfect sense that the world was created almost instantaneously by an all knowing being whom occasionally manifests himself to get Middle Eastern virgins pregnant. Even though the FSM may be a “monster”, the FSM has never been accused of murdering the entire planet with a flood nor has the FSM told groups of people that they have a divine right to kill others. I find those acts to be quite a bit more monstrous than the subtle tweaking of carbon dating that the FSM has so brilliantly pulled off.
Mark,
Why don’t you take a bath and cool off? Forget the children finding out about us- I hope they stay away from you. Sounds like you have a problem. Therapy and psychiatry helps :) Who knows, it might make you stop writing worthless hate mail. Think about all of the other productive things you could be doing instead. There are going to be differences and biases toward religion. Since the beginning of time, everyone hates the other because they’re of another religion. You’re not going to stop the religion war. You have your religion. Great! Good for you! Three cheers for the Christian who loves shoving their religion down non-believers throats! Now, when did we shove ours down yours? That’s right. Never. We’re nice.
I can’t believe that you could get your knuckles off of the floor long enough to type your tirade.
Bobby,
Good-one on being suspicious of (correct) spelling and grammar….It does contain however the ‘logical’ assault on the fact that Pasta did not exist when the world was created…hmmm. It does lack the obligatory “i hope you all burn in HELL” reference. Yep, Fake.
This was written by a five year old.
If this is a grown man he has serious grammar problems.
Oh, and doesn’t he understand “parody religion”?
Loser face.
This one can’t be real. But just in case it is, I think I’ll buy an FSM t-shirt today.
“You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.”
According to your faith, God gave us all free will. Thought is included.
So what, he lied?
Does that seem like a just God?
Wait a minute, Mark got one thing totally right, God makes it all up, and only the one true scripture clearly points this out.
RAmen
Actually although he is a complete and utter moron marky is right in one sense there is only one true God and that is the Invisible Pink Unicorn(blessed be her holly Hooves).
Too many things to say…
“Don’t you get it? You made it all up! YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you.”
Really? God made it up? REALLY?
I can’t believe you’ve published this, it’s totally made up, someone has obviously just thought it up by thinking about it, and then thought about writting it and just written it down, i think.
“which the Kansas School Board is TOTALLY going to figure out”
They did.. which proves that they are totally smarter than you. And fake or not, still funny.
Dear Mark T.,
Basil Baxter Loves You. He has a Bible text for you which is totally real:
Pss.137
[1] By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion.
[2] We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof.
[3] For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song; and they that wasted us required of us mirth, saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion.
[4] How shall we sing the LORD’s song in a strange land?
[5] If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning.
[6] If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth; if I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy.
[7] Remember, O LORD, the children of Edom in the day of Jerusalem; who said, Rase it, rase it, even to the foundation thereof.
[8] O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us.
[9] Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
Pro-Life, huh? Clever, clever, clever! Keep them guessing, always keep them guessing.
Wow…
And its not even April first, because that has got to be a joke. No one is truly that clueless.
Mark T: Why don’t you go deliver a pizza to Basil Baxter’s house. I understand he love it with anchovies.
“..which the Kansas School Board is TOTALLY going to figure out”
..Are you serious?
“How lame is that? TOTALLY LAME”
..So lets ask questions and answer them ourselfs!
… and I’ll be there with plenty of spaghetti sauce to eat it up and rid the world of this Satanic idea, except that I wouldn’t do that because then your monster would be inside of me which I totally don’t want. LOSERS!!!!
Again, are you serious? Obviously the speghetti GOD comes with sauce and breadsticks on the side. Learn your facts!
“YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you”
God being the human that died 2000 years ago, right? Not like the bible has changed much then right?
“it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists, whose results are FALSE anyway because they have no Jesus in their hearts”
You ATE Jesus?
But yeah, lets contradict ourselvs…
“Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle”
Right about there i started laughing my ass off
I agree, do have 2/3 of a brain
Idiot, you missed the whole point.
Yes. I do like to think freely. That is the beauty of living in a religious free society.
@bobby,
Yeah this is hard to tell if real or a joke.
Pasta be with you,
RAmen
Well I can’t believe the internet allows people like you publish this hypocritical religious filth.
.
Christianity is the dumbest religion idea that anyone has ever worshiped. Anyone with 2/3 of a brain can tell it’s false because you worship a ZOMBIE…. you said so yourself!!!!!! How lame is that? TOTALLY LAME.
.
The people who say they saw this zombie rise from the dead and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it. Like humans didn’t even exist when the world was created, so right there you are proved wrong.
.
etc…
Literally *Rolling On Floor Laughing My Arse Off*. I barely managed to keep breathing properly when reading the oh so funny words of Mark. This is either fake or some real ridiculous person. Oh well it made my day. Couldn’t stop grinning.
“satanic filth” + “rid the world of this Satanic idea”= Me laughing so much I cried.
Wow, the FSM simply disagrees with Bobby’s faith. Hopefully all theists don’t react this way when they’re presented with a belief that contradicts their own…
there is NO way someone is this stupid…please…let it be fake…or else something is TERRIBLY TERRIBLY wrong with the world. You sir, should not be allowed to use the internet EVER again. thank you
lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol :) brilliant!
Freedom is a bitch aint it.
I just happened across this site and I think I just busted a seam in my pants. Man that was funny! I especially like the line Noodlenut quoted above. Thanks FSM, I will say my prayers to you tonight.
I don’t think the internet can do anything to stop us. After all, in the words of Alaksa’s representative Senator Ted Stevens, the internet is just a “series of tubes”.
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That and… you’re a total dumbass. Either way you look at it things aren’t going too great for you.
RAmen
… is this guy for real? how can anyone not figure out the real intent behind this? haha what a retard
Man wrote the bible not God, the same with our bible. God didn’t show up and write it all down; men did that for him with what they call divine guidance or inspiration. And a Flying Spaghetti Monster is no less preposterous than an invisible father figure, so try again. As to the noodly appendage, I don’t think you know our God well enough to be talking about his appendage. Anyway why would a God need muscles? Yours doesn’t have any. And just because it doesn’t fit with your religious view does not make it Satanic, Satanists are the ones with dibs on the term Satanic, read our sight again we worship FSM not Satan, but it is an easy mistake for the mentally deficient to make. Seriously, I would tell you that you need to sit down and think about these things before you write them, but I doubt you do much thinking at all. After all your own words show your contempt for the ability to think.
I can’t believe the internet allows people like you publish this religious filth. Creationism is the dumbest science idea that anyone has ever worshiped. Anyone with 2/3 of a brain can tell it’s false because you worship a CREATOR…. you said so yourself!!!!!! How lame is that? TOTALLY LAME. The internet has got to stop this (because “the internet” is a person or committee of some sort, right?). You people don’t think any thing you feel like thinking just because you don’t like to think about things. Now look what has happened to you! You worship a CREATOR and then you make up a bunch of “science” texts that you tell everyone are real but has anyone ever seen your “science” texts? NO THEY HAVE NOT, because a bunch of religious FRAUDS totally made them up, and then you pretended that you live your life by them, which the Kansas School Board is TOTALLY going to figure out, and your whole Intelligent Design is going to get punctured like a big balloon and come floating down on your heads and completely crush you… and I’ll be there with plenty of beer to drink up and rid the world of this Pseudo-Scientific idea, except that I wouldn’t do that because then your idiocy might rub off on me which I totally don’t want. LOSERS!!!! Don’t you get it? You made it all up! You are the total epitome of a real religion where God makes it all up, NOT SCIENCE. The people who say they saw this Creation and wrote your bible are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it. Like light humans even exist when the world was created, so right there you are proved wrong. And in a 100 more ways too. Like an incorporeal god could never work because it is not physical, just a fairytale, and it would need something physical to influence physical people, whose beliefs are FALSE anyway because they have no FSM in their hearts. I hope children don’t find out about you.
-Pirate Bard
………..oookkk where to start, how is this a satanic idea when we dont belive in christianity’s “satan”.
and another thing the internet cant take this off, it is not a person,a government,a forum with moderators,a school, it cannot be taken off…
obviously your a christian, and you belive in “god”(yes its not caped,OMFSM),so have fun with your “sinless life” and may you be touch by his noodly apendage,
-peace,love, and pirates!
I found a few things kinda funny
“which the Kansas School Board is TOTALLY going to figure out”
contradictions
“and I’ll be there with plenty of spaghetti sauce to eat it up and rid the world of this Satanic idea, except that I wouldn’t do that because then your monster would be inside of me which I totally don’t want.”
telling us that our god was telling the truth while his was lieing
“YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up”
“Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle, and it would need brain waves to change the results of scientists”
I found it odd that he is talking to us about this when he worships a talking bush that is on fire and tells people to write laws in stone tablets
Mark:
I’m amazed you can consistently cross a street without getting hit by a bus. The only possible way is that someone still holds your hand when you do. Please come back when you grow a brain. Unless the bus gets you first. Then you’ll be sorry you missed out on the beer volcano and stripper factory.
‘You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.’
Yes, yes we do. Does this mean you don’t think? So basically you’re saying we’re smarter than you, thanks.
Mark T (Bobby’s remarks noted), Lets assume for a moment that the internet “allows” or “disallows” people - why not do this democratically and have a vote? I vote to allow Bobby.
Given that this is my game and my rules I would say that a vote to suppress free speech needs to be backed up by a reason that does not involve any reference to ancient bizarre dogmas.
I’m not American but I have heard of the First Amendment - have you ?
feeling Christian today? So, how’s this different than the start of Christianity? People write books, people start to believe in it, it’s violently opposed, and then accepted as a real religion. look it up in your 7th grade history book.
Like PB I really enjoyed the part about where we made up our religion.
You are thinking someone should have a serious talk with the supreme ruler and master of the internet (SRAMINET). He should definitely be alterted to your concern. SRAMINET cares about you very deeply and hears your cries. I am sure he will answer your cries if you will just kneel before your monitor, burn some incense, sing a song of his praise and send me $20 so I can continiue to spread the word of his power to heal your blogosphere.
All praise be to SRAMINET and FSM.
RAMEN AND SPAMEN
i honestly cant belive that you have managed to get an internet connection. “I can’t believe the internet allows people like you publish this…” dear FSM! the internet is free from censorship, free from law. thats why you dont have a cannon ball stuck through your monitor right now.
oh, feel free to make more hatemail, this makes my day :D
Ramen
“Like pasta didn’t even exist when the world was created, so right there you are proved wrong. And in a 100 more ways too. Like a noodly appendage could never work because it has no muscles inside, just noodle”
pasta has existed for millions of years. it’s what the dinosaurs ate but due to the great linguine famine they soon starved to death. the divine FSM knew this and decided to make all creatures hence forth not so dependent on pasta.
Does anyone know who I should call to get the internet to get rid of this thing? I don’t think ‘the internet’ is in the phone book.
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE…! But if not, it goes a long way to explain ignorance as the basis of faith.
“YOu are the total opposite of a real religion where God makes it all up, not you.”
Teh stupid, it burns, it burns….
RAmen, ARRGH!
Apparently Mark hasn’t heard of free speech. He also doesn’t seem to understand how the internet works. He constantly refers to it as if it is some sort of entity, able to rise up and devour anything it wants. And I thought we had condemned censorship of the sort you mention. Next, we don’t worship an idea. We worship our Saucy Father. And pasta did exist at the beginning of the universe. You seem to lack any evidence to the contrary. The FSM can be quite a trickster, planting evidence to test his children’s faith. And the Noodly One is exists above neurons, muscles, flesh, cardiovascular and respiratory systems, and the like. But I think the worst thing in this post, besides the post of course, is your attack on science. What we know now about the universe is all the result of a few centuries worth of experimentation, gathering of data from those experiments, verification of the data by repeating the same experiment multiple times, and the interpretation of that data before being published again to be peer reviewed, with the experiment being repeated again and again by numerous scientists from all over the world just to determine the validity of the data, and the possible claims being made as a result of that data. But, no, of course you can reject all we have discovered because of a book written over a thousand years ago by an unknown number of anonymous authors with no evidence proving what they were saying, along with numerous statements contradicting other statements in the book and even more contradicting what we have discovered about this universe.
Spartan
May you be touched by His noodly appendage
Me thinks Bobby may be right and you all have been hoodwinked by MR TWAIN.
Dave
wow how can you say such hurtful things i don’t understand why you can;t just leave pastafarians alone and let us believe what we want to believe, we had no problem with your religion until it started to try to force feed it down children’s throats in kansas and possibly pinellas county in Florida whatever happened to separation of church and state or is your belief choosing to bend the rules to your will once again.
p.s. anything is one word
It is not the FSM in Himself that drives our burning passion for pasta. It is fanatics such as yourself that we are directly opposed to. The people that believe that religion is written in stone, and that it is all to live for in life. The Pastafarians are more idealists than anything, and our great Flying Spaghetti Monster is a symbol of our freedom - freedom to believe in whatever Italian dish we feel, freedom to worship pirates, and freedom to peacefully yet firmly state that Pasafarianism is indeed a real religion.
If you have not been Touched by His Noodly Appendage (which moves by, yes, that word, FAITH, which you Christians seem to value so much in explaining all the impossible things YOUR god does), then you may quietly ignore the FSM.
PS: If we are already being persecuted for our beliefs, we MUST be a real religion, eh?
It’s like being harassed by a thirteen year old girl… Totally!!!
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Have YOU ever seen JESUS? No you haven’t , cause you TOTALLY made him up. Like, totally for real!!
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by the way, i like the quote:”The people who say they saw this monster and wrote your bibles are tricking you to get you to believe in things that don’t make sense no matter how you figure it.”
Substitute monster with God, and suddenly everything is all right :p
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Also, I called the internet last night, and he totally allows us, being a sentient life form and all…
Totally
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“I hope children don’t find out about you”. Well, you did, and you can’t be out of puberty yet.
Mark R = Mark Twain?
If so, amusing usage of a pseudonym as, well, a pseudonym!
Did you know that FSMism and Christianity have something thing in common? Some people around 2000 years ago made up your bible too. Imagine that.
May His noodly appendage smite you!
Yeah. “the internet has to stop this”. It’s not made up. This guy really doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Still funny.
Peace
shhhhhhhh…. i thought we ID proponents had the gentlemen agreement not to expose the inner workings of our policies. Just go and blow the whole thing and before you know it Science teachers might be teaching our children science and logic instead of blind faith and intolerance. Geez… what would the world be like then?
Me thinks Bobby is right and you have been hood winked by MR. TWAIN.
Dave
Actually, I think this guy might be pulling our legs.
Using brainwaves to change the results of scientists?
Got to be lampooning the other posts, don’t you think? The dead give away is the lack of bad spelling and ALL CAPS for whole sections.
Plus the eating the spaghetti part being ok, but then again, not. And the pasta not existing at the beginning of the universe. And the “real religion where God makes it all up.” Too many easy openings.
Don’t you think? The “internet” had better send this guy a stern letter.
-Layne
Ahhhm, so you are saying that YOU are not a believer in a monster?
I’d suggest you crack your so called holy book and take a look at Exodus, read the stories of the Plagues,
and then decide for yourself who the really *scary* monster is. At least, the FSM is nice and friendly.
PS: You might want to familiarize yourself with the concept of Freedom of Expression.
I was thinking it was fake as I was reading it…
“I’ll be there with plenty of spaghetti sauce to eat it up and rid the world of this Satanic idea, except that I wouldn’t do that because then your monster would be inside of me which I totally don’t want. LOSERS!!!! Don’t you get it”
anyway…I am in NYC and the myth-believers are out in full force because the head of the cult is in town. Man that’s a nice dress. I wonder if he’s wearing high heels.
Ha ha. The funniest part is that they don’t get that you’re making fun of them!
Actually, the internet does NOT allow people like us. We are barred from using the internet and no ISP will sell us connectivity at any price. Until my digestive system was saved by the Flying Spaghetti Monster I could not even get my freaking PC to work!! But thanks to the great cheesy power of the FSM, I now have a free fiberoptic noodleline straight to the Internet’s meatball backbone and can worship the FSM online with billions of my brethren sticks. RAmen to all.
I wasn’t going to bash christians this time until I saw the word Jesus at the end. God doesn’t make anything up, because he is not real. The fact that christians keep on believing that anyone actually believes in a literal supernatural being called FSM shows that christians are gullible and willing to believe ANYTHING they are told. There are no ignorant sheep here, Mark, move on if you are looking for them. O, and the bible is made up, anyone with 2/3 of a free-thought IN their brain can tell that. And the “internet” is not a being, and therefore can not allow or disallow anything (just like your holy trinity, how ironic). — are you calling for a worldwide internet watchdog group to censor the internet? If you are, who would do it, Christians? I think Wal-Mart is running a special on free-thought this week, you shoud go there and pick yourself up some. Read a science book, get Jesus out of your heart, and think for yourself. Then come back here, If you don’t like the site then, let us know.
I just bought a copy of the Bible, and then bought a copy of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I’m holding one in each hand. They feel exactly the same; both like books. The Bible is a littler heavier, but not a whole lot. They both smell the same, and even taste the same. Can you tell me what the difference is please? I’m sort of confused.
I know one received its first publication a few years before the other, but I’m not sure how that makes one a better story. The way I see it, a couple guys sat around and wrote The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Isn’t that who wrote the Bible?
Maybe when the Bible was written, people worshiped something else, like Allah or Ienova or something like that, and they wrote The Gospel of Jesus for the same reason The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was.
Prove me wrong. Since you can’t, that makes The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster just as *technically* valid as The Bible, meaning if something based on The Bible is taught in schools, so should something about the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Wow, free speech, the internet isn’t an organization. Anyone can put up anything that they want. And, we know that this is fake the whole site is a joke to point out the flaws in organized religion and the creationist movement. Were not trying to deceive people, and we actually have the “good book” or
“gospels” published. We just hate religion for it’s intolerance of other ideas and plus the radically religious’ incredible stupidity. You are an example of religion or person trying to suppress an idea or free speech, quite hypocritical.
Repent, Mark T! Be ye ware of the wrath of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He will strike down upon you with his noodly appendage if you do not cease this blasphemy at once.
Man if this guy is not joking maybe the creator was drunk? I was atheist up until I found this site.
may you be blessed by His Noodly Goodness!
may you be guided to His Path of pasta!
Ah, yes, our great lord the FSM did go a little bit overboard after he made one of our greatest preachers of all time stick his staff in the ground and divide the Great Sea of Sauce to open up and let him and his followers through only to close just at the right time to drown all those poor non-believers. But, then again, the message must get across!
haha she is is right!!! thats why you all need to join my church… the church of the moon walking jello gobblin… you will all be saved…!!!
i can’t believe the internet allows such racist filth to be published on the internet
and how are you so sure that your religion is soo real
evryone has a right to believe in what they wish and for me that is believing what i see so i will remain athiest untill i see pr