Y’ALL iz GAY go find a real god…..WTF i believe aliens more than dis shyt FUK UP.S. GET A LIFE
-jb
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
Another soul cries for euthanasia.
I honestly love it when I get comments like that. They seem more amusing than anything else. In any case, since you guys corrected his obvious mistakes, I’m going to go back to reading other hate mail and eating Skettios. Is that taboo?
Er, I’m bi-sexual, does that count?
Oh! *blushing* Can you count? You know, what with the spelling grammar etc… *smiling sweetly*
I mean i wouldn’t want to insult you by implying you are stupid, but you are clearly ignorant and uneducated so i thought I should ask *smile*
You couldn’t, you know, when you have like the time, post some directions to this ‘real god’ could you? I bet FSM would like to meet her. Have a chat about divine things, how silly their creations are etc. *smile*
Have a pasta and fun filled day all *beam*,
nicci :)
…too bad you wont get a beer volcanoe and a stripper in heaven like we will, (thats a sin for him)
Ah, yes. This is where I just have to say it.
There is NO BLOODY WAY this is a real fundie, surely! He’s far more literate than most, and so much more open-minded… *cough*
Okay, so that’s the biggest lie since Paul said his mate was God.
But, well, I have to hope, don’t I?
I am apalled to hear it impugned in this forum that aliens are gay. They aren’t really gay so much as andorgynous, you know, both sets of organs. So I’m warnin’ ya’, jb, if you tell any of those aliens to go f*** themselves, they will.
I object to the senior moment in the post immediately prior to this one. Not androgynous, you numbskull, hermaphrodite! Twit!
please try to keep posts in english. i am from abroad and have problems with your slang
What! I am outraged to discover that Pastafarians are Homosexuals, there was no mention of having to follow a particular sexuality in the ltrtr wn i jnd fck y m ff t fck htrsxl lns. nd y cn hve th vwls wn’t b ndng ny mr.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiioooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Please excuse my brief moment of doubt in our faith, I have just spent the evening in worship at the temple of the beer volcano.
GEat söm spleling YAo! zo Le TIgRe dont Beat you WIthE the moUthz
If you can read this you probably need glasses!
this is what happens when you take valuable teaching time away from English classes to teach Intellegent Design….
JB, just a note for you homeboy - being an uneducated christian fundamentalist is not cool. You’re a tool.
WTF u r’tard he iz reel y u be hAtinz on my relijin. I’m in ur church wushippin’ ma jebus!
Well some us are gay. :)
OMG anover guy who cant speel! Really annoys me, that.
Are you somehow implying that aliens are unbelievable as well??!?
I take great offense at that.
Hailing from the planet Xiggly, it is only a matter of time before I shall enslave this small dooméd rock!
And one word of advice, Xiggly was by chance destroyed as no one there properly worshipped the local god Great Cthulhu. And I’m starting to see a resemblance. I’d start to worry.
I for one would like to welcome our new Xiggly overlords.
Hail Gordon!
learn spelling so we can know what you are chritisizing us for
Hello, Jambalaya Buttsex. Instead of thinking of something clever to say, I simply wish that His Noodly Holiness slaps you with His Noodly Appendage.
RAmen. Asshole.
Hmmmm….
Believing in the FSM makes us homosexual?
I’m sorry, I just don’t understand how they are related. :)
What, may I ask you, is a “real god”?
One that writes an entire Bible that promotes slavery and sexism? One that later changes His mind about the entire Old Testament?
One who decides on who goes to Heaven vs. Hell based upon the following?
1. This tyrant hated everyone who was not a white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant heterosexual and attempted to exterminate everyone else, thus resulting in the violent slaughter of millions of people. On his death bed, he sincerely asked Jesus to take over his life.
Correct Answer: A (Heaven). No matter how horrendous your pre-salvation conduct, if you accept Jesus and stop sinning, all prior sins are forgiven.
2. This man accepted Jesus and asked the Lord to take over his life, but after a month of being faithful to scripture, he resumed having sexual relations with his fiancé before they were married.
Correct Answer: B (Hell). As Hebrews explains, if you turn back to the ways of the world after accepting Jesus, your sins will not be forgiven and you cannot return to the state of salvation.
3. This incredibly kind young Asian woman devoted her whole life to caring for the handicapped and rarely said an unkind word about anyone. However, though a Baptist missionary once witnessed to her for five minutes, she nevertheless chose to remain in the non-Christian religion her parents, grandparents, neighbors and friends had taught her all her life.
Correct Answer: B (Hell) Accepting Christ is the only hope for salvation and anyone who fails to do so fries.
4. This man accepted Jesus when he was 12 and lived a wholesome, prayer-filled life until he was 30. He then backslid and engaged in lewd and lascivious conduct. At age 42, he again asked the Lord to return and take over his life, and he then lived an exemplary, unblemished Christian life until his death at age 85.
Correct Answer: B (Hell) As Hebrews says, once you backslide and fall away from the Lord, you can never go back
5. This sleazy Jewish girl didn’t really believe in Jesus, but when she was 12, she asked Jesus into her life in response to peer pressure and summer Bible vacation programs. She continued to whore around for the next 50 years, until she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and told by her doctor she had only days to live. She then studied the Bible and soon realized Jesus really is the Son of God. She died in her hospital room hours later.
Correct Answer: A (Heaven) This girl was never a backslider because she didn’t believe in Jesus when she supposedly asked Him into her life as a child and therefore wasn’t saved. She didn’t experience salvation for the first time until she was on her deathbed. Because it appears no intervening sin occurred between her first realization that Jesus is Lord and the remaining hours before her death, she is now singing with the angels.
6. This man truly believed Jesus is the Son of God but refused to turn His life over to the Lord, instead, continuing a crime spree including rape, child molestation and murder.
Correct Answer: A (Heaven) John merely says you have to believe in Jesus to experience everlasting life, not that you have to follow or obey Jesus.
7. This two-year-old child had parents who were trying to teach her about Jesus every day, but the girl was just too young to understand the difference between clean and dirty diapers let alone the difference between Jesus and the devil. She perished one day in an accident caused by a drunk driver who struck her parents’ car, hurling her from her infant seat into oncoming traffic.
Correct Answer: B (Hell) The girl never believed Jesus is the Son of God because she never reached an age or level of maturity at which she could maintain such a belief, thus she is being sodomized by the devil as you read this.
8. This intellectual just couldn’t bring himself to accept the outrageous, conflicting and bizarre stories of our faith. While he dedicated his life to helping others and personally chose not to engage in conduct the Bible deems sinful, he did so based on his personal convictions of right and wrong and not because the Lord ordered him to act that way. He died having helped thousands of individuals escape poverty, but he his intellect would not let him believe in Christ.
Correct Answer: B (Hell) Good deeds don’t cut the mustard. Either you let Jesus run the show or you burn. [Good deeds and being kind don’t count for crap with Jesus if you don’t flatter Him.]
9. This 55-year-old woman who accepted the Lord as a young girl lived a devout and pristine life, giving to others and constantly praising God until the day she died. However, upon being told her three-year-old granddaughter had been tortured, raped and murdered by five adult men, she questioned God’s existence and had a massive, fatal coronary shortly thereafter.
Correct Answer: B (Hell) Hebrews places no time limit on backsliding.
10. An aborted fetus
Correct Answer: B (Hell) Duh! Obviously, a fetus does not have the mental capacity to believe in Jesus. While Jesus, as a rabid anti-abortionist, cries inconsolably each time a little prince or princess is sucked out of its mother’s womb, He still picks them out of the vacuum cleaner and flings them into Hell without a moment’s thought, simply because He never heard the pre-birth baby say the only words He cares about: “You are fabulous Jesus and I love you more than any real people!”.
Is such a god any more of a “real god” than our holy FSM?
I’m sick of arguing with you. I’m gonna go eat some spaghetti.
Peace Love and Pirates to all! (Well, maybe not to bastards such as yourself.)
RAmen.