You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God

Published March 10th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God. So I guess I don’t need to tell you that materialism and Marxism/communism go hand in hand.

And since you got this all figured out I wont bother to tell you that the adherents of materialism Lenin, Stalin, Mao and the Cama Rouge have killed more than 150 million people.

I don’t need to tell you that your intelligent philosophy led China to the world’s most devastating famine ever recorded. There is no need to inform you of the heartless Cama Rouge (materialists who though people were no more than animals) who annihilated scores and scored of Cambodians by choking them to death with plastic bags, because bullets were to precious.

I’m sure you are aware that although materialist seeks to eliminate God the adverse effect becomes the materialist philosophers being worshipped by their followers.

Think this is a stupid remark? Well look at Mao, the Chinese worshipped him as a “super human”. Lenin was revered as such a great fella we can still see his preserved body on display in Russia.

You doubtless know that your philosophy led Stalin to install a very intelligent Materialist Scientist as the head of the Russian Ag. Committee.

This intelligent man postulated that crop production could be increased if the fundamental concepts of evolution were employed in farming techniques.

He postulated this: Russias severe cold hinders crop production. However if there were a way to produce a hearty breed of wheat adapted to the Russian climate crop production could be increased.

He concluded that if a seed of wheat were immersed in cold water for duration of time it would “evolve” and adapt to cold temps. After the seeds cold water bath it could then be planted and would yield in abundance.

You doubtless know when Stalin implemented this new farming technique it miserably failed and a famine ensued.

I’m sure you know that you’re intelligent philosophy lead Mao Zedong to destroy families throughout China. I’m sure you know that he convinced children to reject the idea of a “family unit” and to cling to communism as a parental figure.

I’m sure that you know China will kill anyone whose ideals deviating outside its materialistic principals. I’m sure you know China destroys free thinking people like all ya’ll kids. I’m sure you know that those who lived in China during Mao’s reign, or in Russia during Stalin’s or Lenin’s reign were tossed into death camps or shot in the head for not supporting their regime and its tyrannical principals.

I guess you know that your wonderful philosophy if carried out would enslave mankind and turn them into animals. But maybe you don’t mind eating human flesh during a mass famine because your materialistic leader has devastated your economy in order to reform his countries citizens.

Perhaps you don’t mind losing your children, mother and father to assassination. Maybe you don’t mind everything you own being confiscated by the Govt and then being forced to work on a farm or infrastructure project till you die a miserable death.

Although some of your science may be right the application of your philosophy (if carried out on a global level) would destroy mankind.

Yup, you guys got it figured out.

Im gonna go eat spaghetti and thank God for the wheat and tomatoes He created to make such a delicous dish…. I guess that makes the spaghettis monster a “demi-god” cuz he came from wheat and tomatoes. Plus he had to be processed in a chef boyarde factory.

Hmm… So because he is proceesed does that make the factory that made him a superior being? Perhaps because the workers in the factory ran the spaghetti making eqpt to procees him then he is actually even inferior to mankind. I guess it follows your worshipping something inferior to yourself.

What if youy eat the spaghetti monster… Do you worship him after he has been passed into the bowl?I guess it follows you would be worshipping your own night soil?

Yeah you guys got it figured out… You worship your own excrement…
-Johnathon



433 Responses to “You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God”

  1. Blue Rogue Pierre says:

    lol wut?
    Reductio ad Hitlerum, mateys, reductio ad Hitlerum.

  2. Rederer says:

    simple fact:

    # of people killed by wars propogating through belief in mainstream religions like christianity, judaism, islam, and the like:
    hundreds of millions, possibly billions

    # of people killed by wars propogating though belief in FSM:
    0

    ..so yeah, i guess we have got it all figured out

  3. Kira says:

    DUED!!!
    This is so an epic failure, but I love it!
    I am Catholic, but I do look at pointless religions for a good laugh and this one has tickled my fancy.
    The FSM is the funniest thing I have seen since I first watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
    I was laughing for days and almost pissed my pants when I saw that movie and this has almost done the same.
    I will send this to my friends and we will probably all join this because it is THAT epic.
    Good luck with the religion!

  4. littlemisslucy says:

    Two bucks and a pirate hat says this kid goes to Catholic School.

  5. Cap'n Crunchy Breadsticks says:

    Yaaaar, I say to you, Johnothan of the loons, ad hominem tu quoque… regarding your communists = murderers comment, that is. Silly boy, you need to take a closer look at your history books.

    I must sail the high seas in search of Booty. I leave my fellow Pastafarians to encourage you to the real Truth, that FSM loves us and touches us often with his noodly appendages. Please listen to them, they are wise, peaceful and they have complex carbohydrates.

    May he touch you with his noodly appendage as well.

    Yaar and RAmen!

  6. Cap'n Crunchy Breadsticks says:

    One more thing, materialism and marxism go hand in hand? Have you SEEN the catholic churches, the mosques, the utter opulence that goes into building these great tributes to a deity that has never even given the slightest bit of evidence of his existence? I mean, at least FSM doesn’t require us to give tithings or pay taxes to support Him, and for the money we do give, we are supplied with useful items such as clothing and vessels from which to drink and eat. God shouldn’t need money.

    If you’ve ever been to Seville, Spain, you’ll see that La Catedral has a floor-to-ceiling altar that is made of gold. yes. GOLD.

    I prefer T-shirts, stickers and coffee mugs.

  7. isconfused says:

    Umm… Did I miss something? Where the fuck do communists come in in FSM?? I am SO confused, Johnathon, buddy.

  8. TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

    Darwin’s Monkey: You seem like a highly intelligent guy! Perhaps I just get there first because I have a lot of time at work now – and am being spurred on by 2 coworkers (one in my 3-man car pool) who are anti-evolutionary Young Earth Christians. Kira thinks WE’RE funny? Check out the ramblings of the YEC founder where he speculates the craters on the moon were caused by the Battle for Heaven between the Archangels and the Fallen Ones. What a vivid imagination!

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