You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God

You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God. So I guess I don’t need to tell you that materialism and Marxism/communism go hand in hand.

And since you got this all figured out I wont bother to tell you that the adherents of materialism Lenin, Stalin, Mao and the Cama Rouge have killed more than 150 million people.

I don’t need to tell you that your intelligent philosophy led China to the world’s most devastating famine ever recorded. There is no need to inform you of the heartless Cama Rouge (materialists who though people were no more than animals) who annihilated scores and scored of Cambodians by choking them to death with plastic bags, because bullets were to precious.

I’m sure you are aware that although materialist seeks to eliminate God the adverse effect becomes the materialist philosophers being worshipped by their followers.

Think this is a stupid remark? Well look at Mao, the Chinese worshipped him as a “super human”. Lenin was revered as such a great fella we can still see his preserved body on display in Russia.

You doubtless know that your philosophy led Stalin to install a very intelligent Materialist Scientist as the head of the Russian Ag. Committee.

This intelligent man postulated that crop production could be increased if the fundamental concepts of evolution were employed in farming techniques.

He postulated this: Russias severe cold hinders crop production. However if there were a way to produce a hearty breed of wheat adapted to the Russian climate crop production could be increased.

He concluded that if a seed of wheat were immersed in cold water for duration of time it would “evolve” and adapt to cold temps. After the seeds cold water bath it could then be planted and would yield in abundance.

You doubtless know when Stalin implemented this new farming technique it miserably failed and a famine ensued.

I’m sure you know that you’re intelligent philosophy lead Mao Zedong to destroy families throughout China. I’m sure you know that he convinced children to reject the idea of a “family unit” and to cling to communism as a parental figure.

I’m sure that you know China will kill anyone whose ideals deviating outside its materialistic principals. I’m sure you know China destroys free thinking people like all ya’ll kids. I’m sure you know that those who lived in China during Mao’s reign, or in Russia during Stalin’s or Lenin’s reign were tossed into death camps or shot in the head for not supporting their regime and its tyrannical principals.

I guess you know that your wonderful philosophy if carried out would enslave mankind and turn them into animals. But maybe you don’t mind eating human flesh during a mass famine because your materialistic leader has devastated your economy in order to reform his countries citizens.

Perhaps you don’t mind losing your children, mother and father to assassination. Maybe you don’t mind everything you own being confiscated by the Govt and then being forced to work on a farm or infrastructure project till you die a miserable death.

Although some of your science may be right the application of your philosophy (if carried out on a global level) would destroy mankind.

Yup, you guys got it figured out.

Im gonna go eat spaghetti and thank God for the wheat and tomatoes He created to make such a delicous dish…. I guess that makes the spaghettis monster a “demi-god” cuz he came from wheat and tomatoes. Plus he had to be processed in a chef boyarde factory.

Hmm… So because he is proceesed does that make the factory that made him a superior being? Perhaps because the workers in the factory ran the spaghetti making eqpt to procees him then he is actually even inferior to mankind. I guess it follows your worshipping something inferior to yourself.

What if youy eat the spaghetti monster… Do you worship him after he has been passed into the bowl?I guess it follows you would be worshipping your own night soil?

Yeah you guys got it figured out… You worship your own excrement…
-Johnathon

388 Responses to “You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God”


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  1. 341 courtney Apr 16th, 2008 at 8:23 pm

    A quote from your letter…”because your materialistic leader has devastated your economy in order to reform his countries citizens”. I’m sorry but our leader, the one that has devastated our economy is President George Bush who is a christian and according to his words became president because god told him to. So what exactly are you saying? That christians are sent by god to destroy our country?

    Additionally, christians/catholics are not so innocent in the area of mass killings either. Once upon a time there was a war, the crusades, in which the catholic religion murdered quite a few people for refusing to convert. Just so you know, that war- the crusades- is very often referred to in history and religion as the Holy War, which is the very definition of Jihad the term used by muslims when they kill people who are not muslim.

  2. 342 hexhunter Apr 17th, 2008 at 1:23 am

    Is Mao really that important to the Chinese, I mean, they do have big pictures of him around historical buildings, but then he did protect china from nationalists, and it’s hardly like they treat him like the North Koreans treat their dead leader.

    PS Religion still kills lots more people by preventing access to contraception…

    PPS I hope you like the Spaghetti, it’s DOMESTICATED wheat and tomatoes have been developed and EVOLVED over the past few centuries by HUMANS to make them edible and tasty… :D

  3. 343 Sorta Logical Sean Apr 17th, 2008 at 1:53 am

    WHAT ABOUT THE CRUSADES YEA LEAVE THAT OUT…. SPLISH SPLISH SPLUGE ALL OVER YOU… sorry I wont wast time being a hollier than though are douche bag

  4. 344 Tschesser Apr 17th, 2008 at 5:29 am

    (please excuse my poor english)

    Well, I know a lot of materialist people who are not marxist.
    And some people who are marxist and not leninist, stalinist or maoist.

    Anyway, that kind of “all in the same bag” way of thinking should make us blame on christianism for everything christians did in the past. Or, we could tell, anyone who believes in any kind of God, since religious crimes and religion go “hand by hand”.
    And there’s a very much longer list of crimes made in History in the name of God, including and especially in the name of Jesus, that crimes made in the name of anything else.
    Inquisition, crussades, muslim invasions, european religion wars, witch hunting,… since the old Egyptians time people has been massacred in His (Their) name, and still today almost every war has a religious reason or excuse.

    Religion has actually been the worst invention in mankind’s history. So blame on materialism for some crimes, just because Stalin and other criminal materialists did not believe in God, and therefore anyone who does not, is a criminal, is a complete hypocresy when it is said by someone who believes in a God. Moreover, the point is that real communism became criminal when Marx turned from philosopher to prophet long time after he died, and some sociological explanations about economy and history became Holy Truths for some people; ideas that justified kill and die for them. Then, and just then, it’s when a branch of communism became criminal. When it turned into religion.
    That’s why materialist communism became a source of crime and genocide; because it became an organized religion, and it just did what most of the false religions always did.

    Excepting the Pastafarianism, because it is the only True Religion, of course.

  5. 345 Piraatje Apr 17th, 2008 at 6:41 am

    Yeah, well I couldn’t come up with a smart, snappy retort, so I thought I’d look one up in Alexandria’s library, but somehow, some christians came along and destroyed it… But, no matter, there’s got to be something in Aztec literature, right? That’s when I found out Christians beat me to it and vanquished them… Darn, well then there’s got to be some pre-European history archive that has something to say about whether Christianity is a good choice!
    Well, no. The christians didn’t like anything that’s not Christian, appearantly. So they cleared it all.
    Everything.
    Thousands of years of culture, civilisation, history, folklore;
    Gone, because the power of christ compelled them…

    D00ds, why don’t you follow an original deity, noodly in his omnipotence, rather than the Mithras tribute band.
    (If you don’t know who Mithras is, that’s because Christianity got rid of him. A pagan God, but then Christian’s took his story, substituted his name for Jesus and called it the one and only ghospel. I say baah to them!)

    And that, I say, is why Christians can’t get their facts right!

  6. 346 Tina Apr 17th, 2008 at 1:52 pm

    This guy has a tendency to ramble a little…

  7. 347 Michael Apr 17th, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    Seeing that there is no god, i would like to think that i am infinitely more intelligent than something that doesn’t exist… Also, catholics are cannibals.

    Which is worse: Robespierre or Hitler?

  8. 348 Niteshade Apr 18th, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    This guy is probably waiting for Ben Steins Movie to open today, that equates evolution with Hitler and the Holocaust. What a bunch of bullshit, seriously. Oh, and Hitler was born Jewish and later converted to Christianity.

    It kills me that fundamentalists want to equate evolution with the Holocaust and yet look how many people have died in religious based wars? I love how they conviently they forget what they don’t like.

  9. 349 Russell Apr 18th, 2008 at 4:29 pm

    The guy who thought a seed of wheat would “evolve” in cold water knew as little about evolution as you do, Johnathon.

    However if he had taken a variety of wheat species, grown them over generations in a cold climate, replanting the seeds of surviving plants with each successive generation, he might have had some success.

    But why go to the trouble? He should have gone to a cold climate, found the wheat (if any) that was already growing there. Natural selection would have already done his work for him over millions of years. The wheat there will have already survived the natural selection process he should have tried to recreate.

    The misunderstanding that evolution suggests that evolutionary changes can take place within a single creature (or seed of wheat) is common among those who do not (or do not want to) understand evolution.

    Here is some clarification that is too late for Stalin but may help Jonathon: A giraffe cannot evolve a long neck by straining to eat leaves from high branches. However, giraffes are naturally born wit a range of neck lengths (just as people can be short or tall). Those giraffes who happen to be born with longer necks have a better chance of reaching those leaves, and living to reproduce, passing on to some of their offspring this long-neck advantage.

    It is not hard to see how this process, over millions of years, could produce anteaters with long tongues, hawks with sharp vision and dogs with keen smell - all from a distant common ancestor.

    This is all so simple, logical and obvious. Why can’t the noodle (or whatever) worshippers get it?

  10. 350 graham Apr 18th, 2008 at 5:25 pm

    This makes almost no sense, you douche, how do u know god made spaghetti, he might not even exist!!! We all know his noodliness exists, so WTF man??

  11. 351 parker Apr 18th, 2008 at 8:17 pm

    Intelligent Christians scare me. Like you and Mike Huckabee. How are you smart and ignorant/stupid at the same time? Especially if you didn’t grow up believing that. It scares me.

  12. 352 HeyMoe Apr 19th, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    I just spent hours reading several hundred replies to Johnathon (who, by the way, is an idiot), many of which belittle his spelling, grammar, etc. It just so happens that a majority of the replies also contain errers! (haha). Please, people, if you want to argue against a person’s position, go ahead. Just try to keep irrelevant details out of it.

  13. 353 Bucken Apr 21st, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    I kind of agree with you, Moe. There are a lot of people(including me) that don’t check their spelling before clicking submit. However, there’s a definite difference between the occasional typo and an illiterate axe to the head of the english language. On average, the original hate mail contains a lot more mistakes. Plus, why not attack their spelling. They claim to know better. Why not laugh at them, they make it so easy (and they probably never even read the replies to it). All in all, I think the spelling subject is a bit overstressed, but they call it onto themselves by typing such a bad mail.

  14. 354 Science/Math Skeptics prez Apr 21st, 2008 at 6:19 pm

    as they say in debate, line-by-line refs

    You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God >>. So I guess I don’t need to tell you that materialism and Marxism/communism go hand in hand.
    >>
    And since you got this all figured out I wont bother to tell you that the adherents of materialism Lenin, Stalin, Mao and the Cama Rouge have killed more than 150 million people.
    >>
    I don’t need to tell you that your intelligent philosophy led China to the world’s most devastating famine ever recorded. >>There is no need to inform you of the heartless Cama Rouge >> (materialists >>who though people were no more than animals) who annihilated scores and scored of Cambodians by choking them to death with plastic bags, because bullets were to >>precious.

    I’m sure you are aware that although materialist seeks to eliminate God the adverse effect becomes the materialist philosophers being worshipped by their followers.

    Think this is a stupid remark? Well look at Mao, the Chinese worshipped him as a “super human”. Lenin was revered as such a great fella we can still see his preserved body on display in Russia >>.

    You doubtless know that your philosophy led Stalin to install a very intelligent Materialist Scientist as the head of the Russian Ag. Committee.

    This intelligent man postulated that crop production could be increased if the fundamental concepts of evolution were employed in farming techniques. >>

    He postulated this: Russias severe cold hinders crop production. However if there were a way to produce a hearty breed of wheat adapted to the Russian climate crop production could be increased.

    He concluded that if a seed of wheat were immersed in cold water for duration of time it would “evolve” and adapt to cold temps. After the seeds cold water bath it could then be planted and would yield in abundance.

    You doubtless know when Stalin implemented this new farming technique it miserably failed and a famine ensued.

    I’m sure you know that you’re intelligent philosophy lead Mao Zedong to destroy families throughout China. I’m sure you know that he convinced children to reject the idea of a “family unit” and to cling to communism as a parental figure.>>

    I’m sure that you know China will kill anyone whose ideals deviating >>outside its materialistic principals. I’m sure you know China destroys free thinking people like all ya’ll >>kids. I’m sure you know that those who lived >>in China during Mao’s reign, or in Russia during Stalin’s or Lenin’s reign were tossed into death camps or shot in the head for not supporting their regime and its tyrannical principals>>

    I guess you know that your wonderful philosophy if carried out would enslave mankind and turn them into animals>>. But maybe you don’t mind eating human flesh during a mass famine because your materialistic leader has devastated your economy in order to reform his countries citizens>>.

    Perhaps you don’t mind losing your children, mother and father to assassination>>. Maybe you don’t mind everything you own being confiscated by the Govt and then being forced to work on a farm or infrastructure project till you die a miserable death>>

    Although some of your science may be right the application of your philosophy (if carried out on a global level) would destroy mankind>>

    Yup, you guys got it figured out.>>

    Im gonna go eat spaghetti and thank God for the wheat and tomatoes He created to make such a delicous dish…>>. I guess that makes the >>spaghettis monster >>a “demi-god” cuz he came from wheat and tomatoes>>. Plus he had to be processed in a chef boyarde >>factory.

    Hmm… So because he is proceesed does that make the factory that made him a superior being>>? Perhaps because the workers in the factory ran the spaghetti making eqpt to procees him then he is actually even inferior to mankind. I guess it follows your worshipping something inferior to yourself>>.

    What if youy>> eat the spaghetti monster… Do you worship him after he has been passed into the bowl?>>I guess it follows you would be worshipping your own night soil>>?

    Yeah you guys got it figured out… You worship your own excrement…>>
    -Johnathon

  15. 355 Science/Math Skeptics prez Apr 21st, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    as they say in debate, line-by-line refs

    You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God {who, for the record, has done nothing good recently}. So I guess I don’t need to tell you that materialism and Marxism/communism go hand in hand.
    {how? based on the Manifesto, socialism and communism are selfless denials of materialism and greed. Perhaps you justdon’t like it because they also ban “the opiate of the masses”?}
    And since you got this all figured out I wont bother to tell you that the adherents of materialism Lenin, Stalin, Mao and the Cama Rouge have killed more than 150 million people.
    {again with the materialism Lenin…we can all make up phrases, but that doesn’t make them true.
    and the adherents to Hitler’s lutheran volkism killed how many in one blow? And before that, Martin Luther’s numerous treatises on the evils of non-protestantism incited how many murders? And where do we adhere to communism? Just because some of our ideals happen to be included in another belief system (according to YOU), why should we ‘buy’ or be forced to defend any of theirs?}
    I don’t need to tell you that your intelligent philosophy led China to the world’s most devastating famine ever recorded. {what philosophy? we believe in reason and science. Mao Zedong was a fool who, in trying to save his failing public opinion decided to kill all the sparrows in China. Again, just because a person nominally endorses one thing does not give you free range to blame us for all evils ever.}There is no need to inform you of the heartless Cama Rouge {Do you mean the Khmer Rouge? The ones who were explicitly, like many communists, anti-intellectual?} (materialists {I call on you once again to prove this heretofore unsubstantiated link.}who though people were no more than animals) who annihilated scores and scored of Cambodians by choking them to death with plastic bags, because bullets were to {sp}precious.

    I’m sure you are aware that although materialist seeks to eliminate God the adverse effect becomes the materialist philosophers being worshipped by their followers.

    Think this is a stupid remark? Well look at Mao, the Chinese worshipped him as a “super human”. Lenin was revered as such a great fella we can still see his preserved body on display in Russia {and if you blame people for worshipping a dead leader who convinced them of many great lies, perhaps you ought to point the finger of blame at those who have been screaming about the same man for about 2040 years, by their own reckoning}.

    You doubtless know that your philosophy led Stalin to install a very intelligent Materialist Scientist as the head of the Russian Ag. Committee.

    This intelligent man postulated that crop production could be increased if the fundamental concepts of evolution were employed in farming techniques. {despite the fact that Stalin banned the study of genetics, evolution and other related subjects, not to mention particle physics and quantum mechanics?}

    He postulated this: Russias severe cold hinders crop production. However if there were a way to produce a hearty breed of wheat adapted to the Russian climate crop production could be increased.

    He concluded that if a seed of wheat were immersed in cold water for duration of time it would “evolve” and adapt to cold temps. After the seeds cold water bath it could then be planted and would yield in abundance.

    You doubtless know when Stalin implemented this new farming technique it miserably failed and a famine ensued.

    I’m sure you know that you’re intelligent philosophy lead Mao Zedong to destroy families throughout China. I’m sure you know that he convinced children to reject the idea of a “family unit” and to cling to communism as a parental figure.{Completely unlike, of course, children urged by the church to report on their parents and denounce members of their own family as ‘unbelievers’, simply for breaking doctrine.}

    I’m sure that you know China will kill anyone whose ideals deviating {gram.}outside its materialistic principals. I’m sure you know China destroys free thinking people like all ya’ll {gram.}kids. I’m sure you know that those who lived {clearly not all, or even most of them. Generalizations sound good but get you nowhere. Give us statistics if you want to be taken seriously. Remember your audience.}in China during Mao’s reign, or in Russia during Stalin’s or Lenin’s reign were tossed into death camps or shot in the head for not supporting their regime and its tyrannical principals {proof of foolish leaders who were unfaithful to their principles, the people, and logic itself. Unfortunately, indicting these men does nothing to our distinctly different ideas, due to several degrees of separation}

    I guess you know that your wonderful philosophy if carried out would enslave mankind and turn them into animals {um….yeah. totally, dude. all the way. On the other hand, your wonderful philosophy will let the evil leprechauns kill us all. See? Anyone can do it.}. But maybe you don’t mind eating human flesh during a mass famine because your materialistic leader has devastated your economy in order to reform his countries citizens {You mean President George “Gpd-told-me-to-be-president” W. Bush? That bastard.}.

    Perhaps you don’t mind losing your children, mother and father to assassination {and why would they be assassinated if, according to you, we would love these regimes you go on about?}. Maybe you don’t mind everything you own being confiscated by the Govt and then being forced to work on a farm or infrastructure project till you die a miserable death{just a note on grammar….according to you, my grandfathers roulette table will be confiscated by the government and forced, despite being an inanimate object, to grow food. Meanwhile, I will be miserable for unknown reasons. Ah, well. I never used that roulette table anyway.}

    Although some of your science may be right the application of your philosophy (if carried out on a global level) would destroy mankind {near as I can tell, our philosophy IS “our” science. As to destroying the world, I point you again to the religious leader poster boy, Mr. George “Apparently-gpod -also-told-me-global-warming-doesn’t-exist” W. Bush}

    Yup, you guys got it figured out.{unfortunately, you do not}

    Im gonna go eat spaghetti and thank God for the wheat and tomatoes He created to make such a delicous dish…{your premise assumes your own value structure. Tautology is inherently unsound because its only reason is itself. Plus, we eat spaghetti.}. I guess that makes the {FLYING!}spaghettis monster {That’s MISTER Flying Spaghetti Monster to you, boyo.}a “demi-god” cuz he came from wheat and tomatoes {on the other hand, he can fly. explain THAT}. Plus he had to be processed in a chef boyarde {sp, gram.}factory.

    Hmm… So because he is proceesed does that make the factory that made him a superior being{I went to the supermarket before finishing this comment, and was unable to find canned monster of any kind, let alone flying spaghetti. And he made the world first, so he made the factory, so he made himself. Not fun to be on the receiving end of a tautology, is it?}? Perhaps because the workers in the factory ran the spaghetti making eqpt to procees him then he is actually even inferior to mankind. I guess it follows your worshipping something inferior to yourself{if so, why do you condone
    Mary’s worshipping Jesus, when she had a bit of a hand in his ‘making’}.

    What if youy{sp} eat the spaghetti monster… Do you worship him after he has been passed into the bowl?{do catholics worship communion after it has? In any case, you worship a rotting corpse…}I guess it follows you would be worshipping your own night soil{night soil? I suppose your terminology is as antiquated as your reasoning. Good for you! Consistency!}?

    Yeah you guys got it figured out… You worship your own excrement…{at least it actually exists! :)}
    -Johnathon

  16. 356 Pinko Apr 21st, 2008 at 6:54 pm

    About the whole materialism-is-the-father-of-Marxism/communism idea… yeah… I’m not sure if you realize this or not, but materialism is the direct opposite of a Maxist/communist ideal. No, communism is far more Lennon and a lot less Madona (I really hope you get that reference and if you’re thinking “he misspelled ‘Lenin’” then you should just stop reading this (wrong guy)). For reference, I recommend reading the Communist Manifesto (the lyrics to “Imagine” (still don’t get it, do you?)).

  17. 357 Cleetus Van Damme Apr 21st, 2008 at 7:37 pm

    I confess to not understanding what Johnathon’s point is. First he says that we (blessed divine believers in FSM) are “infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God”. Supposedly that is criticism but it sounds more like a compliment to me, assuming of course he is talking about HIS God (who could be Donald Trump for all I know) and not the holy FSM. But if he is blaspheming that we are more all-knowing than FSM, then that makes no sense as a criticism since we believe that the FSM is the all-knowing all-powerful force that created all things, including ourselves, Johnathon, and my deformed 3 legged pet tarantula Julius, and we could never be more all-knowing than a being like that, especially one with noodles that can fly, and we know that and take comfort in that. Then he goes on to talk about crazy historical figures that lived in communes?? And what does that have to do with people that worship crap? Those people worship the Flying Crap Monster. We worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster. There’s a BIG difference. Or is there? Wait. Uh oh. I am having a crisis of faith. I shall now say ten Hail Marinaras and partake of some garlic wafers. Forgive me FSM. My faith wavered for a brief minute there.

  18. 358 khaos Apr 22nd, 2008 at 12:15 pm

    what the hell have you got vs China look at what

    russia bear bombers gulf war
    germany ww1 and ww2
    The US hiroshima was that china that dropped a nuke erm…..NO
    The UK Iraq war
    France they ran away ffs
    Spain inquisition
    Korea nucler testing undergroun agressve actions vs the southk
    Iraq 9/11
    Iran sending cruise missiles over the border

    look its not just china mate

  19. 359 Earthbreaker Apr 22nd, 2008 at 5:12 pm

    Considering you worship an omnipotent deity (assuming you’re christian/jewish/islam, if not disregard this) but it means that God is present in all things…including your faeces, horse sperm, pus and genital warts.

  20. 360 Pirate Cow Apr 24th, 2008 at 8:54 am

    DAMNIT!! He figured out the arcane secrets of FSM that no one is supposed to EVER speak of! What will we do now?!

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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American

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