You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God. So I guess I don’t need to tell you that materialism and Marxism/communism go hand in hand.And since you got this all figured out I wont bother to tell you that the adherents of materialism Lenin, Stalin, Mao and the Cama Rouge have killed more than 150 million people.
I don’t need to tell you that your intelligent philosophy led China to the world’s most devastating famine ever recorded. There is no need to inform you of the heartless Cama Rouge (materialists who though people were no more than animals) who annihilated scores and scored of Cambodians by choking them to death with plastic bags, because bullets were to precious.
I’m sure you are aware that although materialist seeks to eliminate God the adverse effect becomes the materialist philosophers being worshipped by their followers.
Think this is a stupid remark? Well look at Mao, the Chinese worshipped him as a “super human”. Lenin was revered as such a great fella we can still see his preserved body on display in Russia.
You doubtless know that your philosophy led Stalin to install a very intelligent Materialist Scientist as the head of the Russian Ag. Committee.
This intelligent man postulated that crop production could be increased if the fundamental concepts of evolution were employed in farming techniques.
He postulated this: Russias severe cold hinders crop production. However if there were a way to produce a hearty breed of wheat adapted to the Russian climate crop production could be increased.
He concluded that if a seed of wheat were immersed in cold water for duration of time it would “evolve” and adapt to cold temps. After the seeds cold water bath it could then be planted and would yield in abundance.
You doubtless know when Stalin implemented this new farming technique it miserably failed and a famine ensued.
I’m sure you know that you’re intelligent philosophy lead Mao Zedong to destroy families throughout China. I’m sure you know that he convinced children to reject the idea of a “family unit” and to cling to communism as a parental figure.
I’m sure that you know China will kill anyone whose ideals deviating outside its materialistic principals. I’m sure you know China destroys free thinking people like all ya’ll kids. I’m sure you know that those who lived in China during Mao’s reign, or in Russia during Stalin’s or Lenin’s reign were tossed into death camps or shot in the head for not supporting their regime and its tyrannical principals.
I guess you know that your wonderful philosophy if carried out would enslave mankind and turn them into animals. But maybe you don’t mind eating human flesh during a mass famine because your materialistic leader has devastated your economy in order to reform his countries citizens.
Perhaps you don’t mind losing your children, mother and father to assassination. Maybe you don’t mind everything you own being confiscated by the Govt and then being forced to work on a farm or infrastructure project till you die a miserable death.
Although some of your science may be right the application of your philosophy (if carried out on a global level) would destroy mankind.
Yup, you guys got it figured out.
Im gonna go eat spaghetti and thank God for the wheat and tomatoes He created to make such a delicous dish…. I guess that makes the spaghettis monster a “demi-god” cuz he came from wheat and tomatoes. Plus he had to be processed in a chef boyarde factory.
Hmm… So because he is proceesed does that make the factory that made him a superior being? Perhaps because the workers in the factory ran the spaghetti making eqpt to procees him then he is actually even inferior to mankind. I guess it follows your worshipping something inferior to yourself.
What if youy eat the spaghetti monster… Do you worship him after he has been passed into the bowl?I guess it follows you would be worshipping your own night soil?
Yeah you guys got it figured out… You worship your own excrement…
-Johnathon
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
Johnathon,
Before I read your letter I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put foreward the effort to be a devout member of this religion.
Now I have no doubt.
I am so glad there are people like you in the world,
because if not, there would be no room for people like us.
The hatemail and energy you put into hating this belief system makes it infinitely cooler.
I’ve always looked for a way to piss off right wing fuckin redneck idiots like you,
and I’ve unintentionally stumbled upon the best one possible.
Thank you so much.
Wow… way to completely misinterpret Lysenkoism…
I know you aren’t reading this, but for the benifit of all, Trofim Lysenko’s (the aforementioned russion head of the ag committee) theories had nothing to do with the status of darwinian v. creationist theories, but mendel-morgan v. lamarckian GENETICS. He thought that darwinian evolution shifted from environmental conditions, not from the changing of genes within a creature.
HE WAS WRONG. We all know he was wrong. We’ve seen the tiny little genes running around cells.
Your logic is messed up as it, but please, at least don’t play the stupid game to win. Lysenkoism has nothing to do with your argument. Please, for the sake of all of us, don’t humiliate yourself further
To begin with, I would like to clear up your misconceptions about our faith. The FSM is not the spaghetti we make and eat. That would be as ridiculous as suggesting that the bread and wine you consume at Communion were bits of Jesus! Instead, the eating of pasta is a religious experience for us. Worshiping our food makes little sense. In fact, spaghetti was divinely inspired by His Noodliness.
Now to answer your argument. It seems to be based solely on the equivocation of Pastafarianism with totalitarian Communist governments, and after the first few paragraphs becomes a redundant, reiterative rant. First, Pastafarianism isn’t the same as materialism, which isn’t equivalent to Communism. Second, just because two Communist governments screwed up horribly, that doesn’t mean everything connected to Communism is inherently evil. Third, you misrepresent a lot of facts. Lenin hated the adulation of the people and tried to get them to stop it. The man Stalin appointed apparently did not understand evolution. The famine in Russia had been going on since World War 1 started under the rule of the tsars.
As a closing note, I can say with certainty that Pastafarianism is much farther than Christianity from enslaving a country and executing all nonbelievers.
Jordy,
.
Welcome to the fold. May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage and bathed in the warmth of His Sauce.
.
RAmen
wow, so much ignorance in one post.
For starters, materialism does not immediately equate to communism. Yes, communism is materialist by nature, that does not mean all materialist theories are communism. Thats flawed logic, like saying this flock of swans is black, therefore all swans are black.
Likewise, demonising materialism based on ‘communist’ countries is flawed in itself. As most people that have a passing familiarity with political science are aware, communism (as the final stage of social evolution that Marx identified) has never existed. Rather, all those examples cited are rather Statist (or state capitalist) using the banner of socialism to hide its evils. Afterall, communism by its very definition is a stateless society without a money economy, central government or anything of that sort. Funnily enough, the USSR, China, Khmer Rouge, Cuba, Vietnam, Laos etc etc have all be the exact opposite of that. To see what became of his ideas, Marx wouldnt merely be rolling in his grave, he’d be bloody breakdancing. Afterall, what was it Marx himself said in response to the actions of some Marxists? “If this is Marxism then I am not a Marxist”.
Ya’ll is not a fucking word you hillbilly
i am like jordy. i knew about FSM but never accepted it as the one and only truth until i read this mail.
johnathon, dude, chill out. you equate communism with pastafarianism. you are so very, very wrong, my friend. read the other posts. we have some very educated people in our fold. you don’t have to believe them; check out what they say with other sources. and, word to the wise, before you start spouting off about things, get your facts right. you lose all credibility when you can’t even manage to gather facts from the website whose religion you’re critiquing.
you need some serious anger management skills. try this site: http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html - for the sake of those who care about you, please seek professional help soon or we’ll be reading about you on CNN: Man armed with Pasta attacks Burger Joint. Full coverage with Wolf Blitzer in The Situation Room. i think you would agree that that would qualify as a “situation”.
regarding your concern for and examples of communist repression: they may have learned from the best. the guide book is still out there: The Malleus Maleficarum (of Heinrich Kramer and James Sprenger). here is its main practical application: a little thing called The Inquisition, between the 13th C & 16th C BCE. perhaps you’ve heard of it…?
as for enslaving humans: that’s for others to do, not us. and then turning us into cannibals: not likely in enlightened societies. (sidebar: i wonder if we taste like chicken?)
and my last comment for the day: may i suggest that you start to use heavy duty tin foil around the inside your hats, rather than just the regular stuff? it might help with your brain wave control issues.
may you all be touched by his noodly appendage soon and often.
yours in pasta,
V
I think my brain cells actually imploded. I’m trying to figure out why he wasted some of his life on that. I think another neuron just imploded. I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck he was saying. He states it at the end…but…why did he start rambling about Marxism and China? Is he saying Communists make spaghetti? … I make spaghetti from scratch……I think I just lost faith in humanity and I need to put on my pirate garb to go preach.
Johnathan,
What does Communism have to do with Pastafarianism?
Really, what do they have in common other than the last 4 letters?
We worship the FSM, not our excrements.
Peace, Love and Pirates to all.
Ramen.
I agree with J.T. Ryan. What more is there to say?
May the FSM bathe you in sauce and let his Noodly Appendage reach out to you, and may you eat noodles in peace. RAmen.
to Theresa: My fellow Pastafarian, I do not wish to agitate you further, but I am afraid that in this I must side with the nonbeliever. Ya’ll is very much a word; it just looks rather strange on paper (or webpage, if it comes down to that).
This is really a great site of satire (and maybe even some belief)! In recently starting to study the Bible along with Buddhist scripture, I have found the Bible (especially the Old Testament) to be very esoteric, intolerant, and just plain weird/irrelevant at times. Leviticus anyone?
Of course, there is philosophy in the Bible that is applicable to theistic and atheistic life . . . albeit it needs to be dug out of a bundle of intolerant/ignorant messages. Buddhism however, is more a life philosophy which actually develops upon what many consider to be the best messages in the Bible and parade around all of us so gallantly. Proclaiming the Bible as the ultimate code of ethics is factually wrong, considering a more humanistic philosophy like Buddhism (basically a very specific, albeit fairly universal code of ethics in everyday living) has scripture that ends up being roughly 11 times the size of the King James Bible.
No offense to any intelligent Christians, but I have made many look like morons because they have had the propensity to criticize secularism or other religions like mine. But, not even spent the time to say, even understand the basic concepts of my faith (or lack of). Basically, fundamentalism is a problem, and this sometimes can be applied to the secular community as well. I realize that many issues in the world are caused by a culmination of factors, not merely a lack of faith!
By the way, I don’t know where the word usage Cama came from . . . maybe because the accepted pronunciation of the word Khmer is “ka mai.” That being said, what happened in Cambodia was a shame. A very important woman in my life is actually from Cambodia. Don’t just blame one factor for a tragedy like that; it is very insulting.
The key word here is “worship.” Yes, Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot Kim Il Sung were worshipped. The problem here was not their atheism. The problem was their dogma. People in these countries suspended their critical faculties and replaced them with unreasonable and illogical hero worship. I think we can all agree that no country has, ever, been subject of internal turmoil for questioning their dogmas. In fact, the countries that have the most pressing and prevalent religious dogmas are also the ones facing the most serious brutality and backwardness. Inquisition, Soviet Russia, Taliban, Maoist China, are just drops in the bucket. Why is it that the U.S. bible belt has the highest obesity rates, teen pregnancy, murder rates, abortion rates, and lowest reading and math skills? Why is it that the most atheistic countries: Norway, Sweden, Denmark, France, have the most impressive of the aforementioned rates as well the highest life expectancies, lowest infant mortality rates, best healthcare, education systems, low abortion, almost non-existent teen pregnancies and the highest per capita real income? Because they care about their people, do not waste time with invisible pink unicorns and spend their money where it matters. All hail his noodly appendage and pro-pirate inclinations!!!!!!!!!111
actually communism rejects materialism. marx hated the beourgois society.
and you skip back and forth between darwin’s theory and the screwed up SOCIAL theory of social darwinism. there’s a difference. social darwinism is fucked up. darwin’s theory is scientifically sound.
what’s this about eating human flesh because our leader caused a huge famine? this isn’t about societal structures, you know. i’d also like to point out that communism isn’t inherently evil, it’s just misguided. it unfortunately assumes that all people are intelligent, calm, and kind; which this yahoo clearly disproves.
you’d think that people willing to sit down and write such a lengthy letter would actually bother to know what they are directing that letter to.
Awww. Poor Johnathon feels threatened.
johnathon have you studied history philosofy ?
maybe no
it’s better to know before talk so you could avoid stupid cliches and increase your culture
I like the original posters “I’m sure that you know China will kill anyone whose ideals deviating outside its materialistic principals.”
One might also state the following:
“I’m sure that you know United States will kill anyone whose ideals deviating outside its materialistic principals.”
Johnathon what the hell does Communism have to do with Pastafarianism?
And yes, I would say I am infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God. (Well, maybe not INFINITLEY.) If you think I am being blasphemous or whatever, go read the Old Testament. It states that it is OK to own and beat slaves, to discriminate against women, and to stone people to death for committing adultery. And now all of a sudden God changed his mind?!?!? I think he’s just following the majority of mortals. If he’s so intelligent, why didn’t he know these things were wrong in the first place?
And BTW, God committed adultery. Sort of; he did get a woman pregnant when she was ENGAGED!!
Worshipping our own excriment seems a bit more sensible than worshiping an imagined “god”.
I can at least *see* my own excriment…. that tends to help with the whole credibility thing…
It would probably hurt a lot fewer people in the world if ingested in the quantities religion has been over all this time, too.
“I don’t believe in god because I don’t beleive in mother goose”
But of course, the flying spaghetti monster watches us all, and hiss will is both real, absolute and allows for no substitutes.