You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God

You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God. So I guess I don’t need to tell you that materialism and Marxism/communism go hand in hand.

And since you got this all figured out I wont bother to tell you that the adherents of materialism Lenin, Stalin, Mao and the Cama Rouge have killed more than 150 million people.

I don’t need to tell you that your intelligent philosophy led China to the world’s most devastating famine ever recorded. There is no need to inform you of the heartless Cama Rouge (materialists who though people were no more than animals) who annihilated scores and scored of Cambodians by choking them to death with plastic bags, because bullets were to precious.

I’m sure you are aware that although materialist seeks to eliminate God the adverse effect becomes the materialist philosophers being worshipped by their followers.

Think this is a stupid remark? Well look at Mao, the Chinese worshipped him as a “super human”. Lenin was revered as such a great fella we can still see his preserved body on display in Russia.

You doubtless know that your philosophy led Stalin to install a very intelligent Materialist Scientist as the head of the Russian Ag. Committee.

This intelligent man postulated that crop production could be increased if the fundamental concepts of evolution were employed in farming techniques.

He postulated this: Russias severe cold hinders crop production. However if there were a way to produce a hearty breed of wheat adapted to the Russian climate crop production could be increased.

He concluded that if a seed of wheat were immersed in cold water for duration of time it would “evolve” and adapt to cold temps. After the seeds cold water bath it could then be planted and would yield in abundance.

You doubtless know when Stalin implemented this new farming technique it miserably failed and a famine ensued.

I’m sure you know that you’re intelligent philosophy lead Mao Zedong to destroy families throughout China. I’m sure you know that he convinced children to reject the idea of a “family unit” and to cling to communism as a parental figure.

I’m sure that you know China will kill anyone whose ideals deviating outside its materialistic principals. I’m sure you know China destroys free thinking people like all ya’ll kids. I’m sure you know that those who lived in China during Mao’s reign, or in Russia during Stalin’s or Lenin’s reign were tossed into death camps or shot in the head for not supporting their regime and its tyrannical principals.

I guess you know that your wonderful philosophy if carried out would enslave mankind and turn them into animals. But maybe you don’t mind eating human flesh during a mass famine because your materialistic leader has devastated your economy in order to reform his countries citizens.

Perhaps you don’t mind losing your children, mother and father to assassination. Maybe you don’t mind everything you own being confiscated by the Govt and then being forced to work on a farm or infrastructure project till you die a miserable death.

Although some of your science may be right the application of your philosophy (if carried out on a global level) would destroy mankind.

Yup, you guys got it figured out.

Im gonna go eat spaghetti and thank God for the wheat and tomatoes He created to make such a delicous dish…. I guess that makes the spaghettis monster a “demi-god” cuz he came from wheat and tomatoes. Plus he had to be processed in a chef boyarde factory.

Hmm… So because he is proceesed does that make the factory that made him a superior being? Perhaps because the workers in the factory ran the spaghetti making eqpt to procees him then he is actually even inferior to mankind. I guess it follows your worshipping something inferior to yourself.

What if youy eat the spaghetti monster… Do you worship him after he has been passed into the bowl?I guess it follows you would be worshipping your own night soil?

Yeah you guys got it figured out… You worship your own excrement…
-Johnathon

385 Responses to “You guys are infinitely more intelligent and all-knowing than God”


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  1. 281 Joseph Merrick Mar 28th, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    This is a truly great post that sees your mockery of religion for what it is.

    The hatred for organized religion that is the mainstay of this entire website, under the guise of something innocent, is frighteningly reminiscient of the founding concept of communism, to destroy the representation of religion in the people of the nation. By taking religion out of the equation it is easy for communists to redefine morality and apply the same general rules to all society. A nation without religion is also ideal for communists because a materialist populace already holds no power higher than that of the state.

    And quite simply, let’s face it — there’s no logical reason to actively attempt to destroy religion other than for ulterior reasons. To mock religion is to mock freedom.

  2. 282 Distranged Mar 29th, 2008 at 3:11 am

    “Well look at Mao, the Chinese worshipped him as a “super human”. Lenin was revered as such a great fella we can still see his preserved body on display in Russia.” So when was the last time we DIDN’T embalm one of our presidents. Its the same practice, is it not? And not only is the pres doing it but everyone else is too, at least the Christians I know find it all the rage.

  3. 283 bernie Mar 29th, 2008 at 10:07 am

    You Americans still bangin on about godless communism ?

    1. Stalin, Pol Pot and Mao were brutal dictators who killed their own people, not because they were atheists, but because they were egocentric psychopaths on a mission.

    2. Hitler was the same and he was religious - in a blood and gingerbread, teutonic throwback sort of way.

    3. the recent debacle in the former Yugoslavia was christians vs muslims - “hey, lets kill em cos they ain’t like us” more psychopaths on a mission leading the congregation to a bloodbath.

    4. Israel vs Palestine - I ain’t even gonna comment on that one.

    5. George Bush and the fascist extreme evangelical right vs. Osama and his home boys (Big up to the Afghan massive) More smug cyclepaths on a mission.

    I could go on and on - only to say that it’s fundamentalist ideologies of a dogmatic kind, often religious but not always, that screw it up for the rest of us. And oh yes, spot the common denominator - they’re all men.

    Dammit, back to the kitchen for me then.

    Ramen
    Bernie

  4. 284 Radwaste Mar 29th, 2008 at 1:51 pm

    Just in case you missed this, “Johnathon” - you went on and on about the actions of men, not of God - well, I should call “him” God™ to make sure we’re talking about your specific version.

    That would be the one who killed everybody on the planet because the people were evil, and in his omniscience couldn’t tell he… failed. Hey, it’s right there in the Bible™. Go argue with it. I think I can guarantee you’ll get less grief talking to yourself.

    So. FSM - noodly goodness. God™ = sadistic, clueless, wanton killer.

    Take your pick!

  5. 285 Radwaste Mar 29th, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    Umm, major point: Christianity claims to be “2000 years old”, but it’s not. First, nobody wrote about Jesus - without which the whole thing is junk - until decades after his death. Next, Martin Luther didn’t codify Protestantism until ~1570.

    That’s right in line with Easter and Christmas being “stolen” holidays. Don’t know when Christ was born? Fake it. Call it the 25th.

  6. 286 ikki Mar 29th, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    and i quote:

    “Yeah you guys got it figured out… You worship your own excrement…”

    thats where the saying HOLY SHIT is coming from, hehehe. So this prooves it. Pastafarianism is the only true way.

    I dont know where you make the link to FSM and communism, or communism and materialism (which we call capitalism, which is in use by the christians for centuries now, Luther even protested against the greed of the Church and founded another one, which was, in the end, just as greedy if not even more)

    Why do you think all these bad things that happened are a result of an ideology or a religion… they are a result of one or few madmen that can gather enough people around them (using ideology or religion) to fulfil their demonic plan in order to get power, money or whatever… I could go on for hours

  7. 287 Burnin' Ash Smithe Mar 29th, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    I think when ignorant americans dislike something, the first defense that comes to thier mind is to use communism as a crutch. “Hey, you don’t believe in the same thing as me. Let me call you a communist to get you pissed off enough that you retaliate and I can make fun of you even more.” Haters are stupid. Can’t we all just get along?

  8. 288 I Drive a YAR-is Mar 29th, 2008 at 7:22 pm

    @ a confused ekklesia

    To me and everyone else in the world, If you believe in Jesus Christ, You are a Christian. Christ-ian as in follower of christ. Weather you call your self Chatolic, Protosten, Baptist or Mormon you are a Christian. So saying that Christians had nothing to do with the Crusades is just plain crazy. They did it in the name of Jesus and God.
    Now why there are hundreds of differant types of Christians, Jews and the others is the reason I can not and will never believe in God or Jesus.

  9. 289 Dasein Mar 29th, 2008 at 7:38 pm

    This is what happens when you become a devout Christian. You end up writing angry letters preaching irrelevant humanitarian garbage about who communism is bad. I’m sure he would’ve fit in well during the Red Scare years.

  10. 290 Johan Mar 30th, 2008 at 3:46 am

    Greetings from Holland

  11. 291 NuttyWithPower Mar 30th, 2008 at 8:23 am

    this guy is a freakin liar
    ” Stalin, Lenin, Mao, killed over 150 million”
    they killed around 10-15 million
    “I don’t need to tell you that your intelligent philosophy led China to the world’s most devastating famine ever recorded”
    Wrong again the great Leap forward was not the biggest famine com,pared to famine before communism came in. Not only that it wasn’t materialism at ALL that caused the famine it was natural dissasters.
    “Think this is a stupid remark? Well look at Mao, the Chinese worshipped him as a “super human”. Lenin was revered as such a great fella we can still see his preserved body on display in Russia.”
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA ur a fucking liar, people called them heroes because they did great things.
    “I’m sure that you know China will kill anyone whose ideals deviating outside its materialistic principals”
    China today is an imperialist country that was against Mao who WAS an imperialist get ur freakin facts.
    “Perhaps you don’t mind losing your children, mother and father to assassination. Maybe you don’t mind everything you own being confiscated by the Govt and then being forced to work on a farm or infrastructure project till you die a miserable death” ur referring t capitalism which is supported by christianity and islam

  12. 292 Elise the Pirate Mar 30th, 2008 at 9:42 am

    the writer is totally off his rocker! what do Pastafarianism and atheism have to do with communist dictators? what does he mean by “materialists”? does not this guy own a computer? and that story of Russia’s experiment with the wheat seeds being the failure of evolution or whatever, is total bullshit, this person may have looked up communism on wikkipedia but did not really decide to educate themselves on much else.
    also it appears that ‘a confused ekklesia’ is full of shit too.
    Ramen

  13. 293 Josyf Mar 30th, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    Here’s an answer that’s as relevant and coherent as your letter:
    LOL WUT

  14. 294 NintFJr Mar 30th, 2008 at 3:44 pm

    It’s not too difficult to be smarter than god. Our god is a bundle of complex carbohydrates. What’s your god’s excuse?

  15. 295 jeremykeys Mar 30th, 2008 at 6:08 pm

    @ Neal: Ya know? I never thought of that. Great idea but you know of course before you do go on the Mary Magdalene ride you have to visit the Condoms For Christ booth first.

  16. 296 jeremykeys Mar 30th, 2008 at 6:26 pm

    When you really think about it, intelligent life is silly. At this stage of our development we pretty much allow anyone to breed. Whether or not they are capable of taking care of themselves or are barely capable of a coherent thought we still allow them the right to breed. We are now into yet another generation stuck on the welfare system yet we allow them to continue this silliness. If I was GOD! And that’s just about as silly as it gets (the world would be a better place though) I wouldn’t allow anybody to breed if they had an IQ of less than 130. You do realize that 100 is the average IQ and since most of you are going to university and probably have an above average IQ you find it difficult and frustrating to have to communicate with the average morons. Sterilize “em I say! A sword to the groin!

  17. 297 Cap'n Wolf Mar 30th, 2008 at 8:38 pm

    I fail to see how we are materialist and/or communist/Marxist as he put it…

  18. 298 mrbeetz Mar 30th, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    i just have to know if you people are serious about a spaghetti monster creating the universe. if your not then congratulations this is hilarious, if you are, then why are you worshiping a giant noodle god? pasta is a man made thing not the other way around.

  19. 299 I Drive a YAR-is Mar 31st, 2008 at 1:01 am

    @ mrbeetz
    Your right Pasta is manmade just like God.

  20. 300 jdnzero Mar 31st, 2008 at 10:31 am

    mrbeetz:
    It is thought provoking satire. The simple fact is that too many christians are perfectly content, even compelled to shove their religion down the throat of secular citizens, or worse to transform this constitutionally secular nation into a christian republic.
    Here’s the facts:
    Intelligent design is Creationism. Creationism is religion, Christianity specifically. The promotion of religion by government (in this case teaching ID in schools) is a violation of the separation of church and state. But this practice is so ubiquitous in our country that Christians take it for granted and that they of the majority are trampling the rights of the minority. Case in point: “under God” was only inserted into the pledge in the middle of this century. Before then there was no mention of religion, but now every child recites the same affirmation of a deity that they may not even recognize. “In god we trust” on our money in effect is the state sponsorship of religion. But Christians don’t seem to mind because it suits them just fine. I wonder how Pat Robertson or the rest of the “Christian Right” would feel about inserting “praise be to Allah” in arabic along side “in god we trust” on all our bills. Or even “may his noodly appendage touch you”. I think any thinking person can answer that question. There’d be Christians rioting in the streets! How about the fact that in every hotel room in this country you can find a bible? Does anyone think that every single person renting a room is Christian? No. Does anyone think that those are there for Christians? No, Christians have their own bibles. Those are there for everyone else. In the past two weeks, two of my coworkers have told me that they want to sit down with me to discuss my faith. They are Chrisian and I am agnostic and they both know it. Christians are content with their own faith. Period.
    For me, FSMism is about bringing this injustice, yes, injustice, to a higher level of awareness for our society. A middle school government teacher once told me, “one person’s rights end where another’s begin.” Christians need to take that to heart.

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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American

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