December 9, 2007 – a cold, wintery night in Cleveland, Ohio. I dropped my keys outside a Panini’s (sports bar franchise) in the Warehouse district. In a strapless dress, heels and no coat I walked all the way back to my car only to realize I had no way in. Frustrated and tired, I spent the night at a friends and waited for my sister to come in the morning with a spare key. As we approached the lot, my car was nowhere to be found. The towing company did not have it. The only other option… STOLEN. My poor Honda Civic was being violated by the hands of a complete stranger.
The cops made a report and then did nothing. The following Friday I received a voicemail from a man named Ray whom I’d never met and said he had information about my car. Apparently it was in the ghetto of Cleveland preferably known as “Crackland.” Evidently a homeless man had found the keys and used to remote to locate it. Very resourceful.
Since the police would not tow it, I called my insurance company. There was a field agent in the area. With a multitude of Civics in the general population hope of finding mine was slim. The only distinguishing marker of my vehicle was an FSM Pirate fish spray painted in white on the back window. If it had not been for my love of FSM and my sheer distaste for organized religion I would still not have my car back. The representative found the fish and my car and everything is back to normal. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Kristina K
This is great.
I was busy doing research for my pharmacy class when I found your site.
It made my day better laughing at it.
Really this has to be a joke but whatever =]
SEE?!?! FSM protects His believers!! RAmen!!
I would also like a kickass stencil.
To Ren and cpt. ed,
Best advice is to read The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. All your questions will be answered.
.
RAmen
You see? His noodly goodness must love us. Or maybe he just really liked your car.
Peace love and pirates
RAmen
Ren out of curiosity, how did you come across this site when doing research for Pharmacy class? Pasta pill cures diabetes?
RAmen!
dieties do indeed prefer hondas.
does it not say in the christian bible ‘and the lord spoke of his accord’?
A Miracle!!! He is the one true god … and I should know, I’ve followed a few …