for a preschooler

for a preschooler you have an avid imaginagtion , but thats OK many before you have chosen to BELIEVE , that the whole enschelada resulted when water hit some rock in outer space and happened to be hit by lightening …..the result was a chain reaction which brought the present mess of drugs , sex and violence to be an everyday happening .

five kids in a BMV at John Travolta`s gated village in Florida tried to test this concept on Jan 26/`08 and were restored to the original rock and water ..the enery was absorbed by a large tree that got into their path and was destroyed , much to the chagrin of John !

If you find this story farfetched , it`s OK to BELIEVE in the FSM or the EVOLUTOIONARY model of your source in the scheme of mother earth ..whovever she is ! I don`t think any one will mind ! Why should anyone be upset by your amusing proposals..they are good for a laugh !

George

135 Responses to “for a preschooler”


  1. 1 Nephelos Feb 28th, 2008 at 2:58 am

    That’s all well and good, Mr Bush, but you see, we have evidence.

  2. 2 DAFYK Feb 28th, 2008 at 3:53 am

    we do believe in the FSM!

  3. 3 Dan Feb 28th, 2008 at 4:09 am

    LOL!

    Why is it that all the people who send hate mail sound very stupid doing it?

  4. 4 lazlow Feb 28th, 2008 at 4:16 am

    “Why should anyone be upset by your amusing proposals..they are good for a laugh !”
    .
    That’s a good question and it really deserves a question mark “?”. And yet, a lot of people do seem to get upset by the FSM and evolution and they send angry emails to the good prophet and tells us that we will incur the wrath of God and burn in Hell. Oh, and threaten to eat the Spaghetti Monster, noodles, balls and all! So I don’t think you’re amused by it, I think you’re threatened by it. We have a real, live, genuine prophet! Living, breathing and drinking beer! While yours are long gone and not coming back. You start to see that the model of your creation does not correspond to the real world, not by a long shot, and you start lashing out at the ones that do.
    .
    You’re not laughing. You’re weeping like a little baby, stomping your feet, huffing and puffing, and screaming that the world is unfair cause you’ve just wasted all your time on a book that doesn’t add up. Not even through wishful thinking.

  5. 5 brian Feb 28th, 2008 at 5:28 am

    Does your middle name start with W?

    Believe in evolution? Wha-? What you have done is revealed your complete ignorance of science.

    If your magical sky fairy told you 2+2=5 you would say it is, despite all evidence to the contrary. Here is the problem with your simple minded ideals:

    2+2=4 NO MATTER WHERE I GO IN THE UNIVERSE.

    Evolution IS NO MATTER WHERE I GO IN THE UNIVERSE.

    The Theory (capital T) of Evolution is mankind’s understanding of the this SCIENTIFIC Process. Just like your bible is mankind’s understanding of a wonderful fairy world with dragons and unicorns (forgot they are in your precious bible didn’t you?) Funny thing. Science explains dinosaurs. Pastafarianism talks of pirates.

    Your silly book fails to mention either.

  6. 6 Farseer Feb 28th, 2008 at 6:10 am

    Good call, oh obtuse one. Only pastafarians get in car wrecks now?

  7. 7 Bill Davis Feb 28th, 2008 at 6:47 am

    wtf???

  8. 8 Joe Marinara Feb 28th, 2008 at 6:58 am

    imaginagtion
    lightening
    EVOLUTOIONARY
    whovever
    et. al.

    Who’s the preschooler?

  9. 9 Spud Feb 28th, 2008 at 7:00 am

    “five kids in a BMV at John Travolta`s … were restored to the original rock and water”
    So we should worship Xenu?

  10. 10 Archaeolowench Feb 28th, 2008 at 7:08 am

    Sir,

    If you are actually smirking over the injury or death of children, all I can say is ….no I can’t think of anything to say.

    Do you think Jesus would have thought it was funny?

  11. 11 Archaeolowench Feb 28th, 2008 at 7:09 am

    P.S. It’s enchilada, you sorry excuse for a human being.

  12. 12 Tar Feb 28th, 2008 at 7:15 am

    “when water hit some rock in outer space and happened to be hit by lightning”
    Hey, dude, that’s STILL more realistic than a person eating a pomegranate, causing the present mess of drugs, sex, and violence we know today.
    .
    I also find it funny that you even think the water, rocks, and lightning came out of nowhere. In any case, several scientist conducted a professionally controlled experiment that resulted in organic chemicals, hereby giving evidence that indeed, in the circumstances you gave us leads to life as we know it. This experiment has been conducted by others with the same results.
    As for the five kids in BMV, well, they weren’t all that controlled or professional, were they?

  13. 13 Elvish Pirate Monarch Feb 28th, 2008 at 7:32 am

    Is it too much to ask that the people who wish to insult us learn how to write in proper english syntax and grammer?
    `
    RAmen

  14. 14 Ramen_loving_brittni Feb 28th, 2008 at 7:44 am

    well, thank you. i think so 2

    peace love and pirates

    RAmen

  15. 15 Pirates Evolve Too Feb 28th, 2008 at 7:52 am

    George,
    .
    Learn some grammar, read some books (other than the bible, please), ask some real questions about the big bang/life’s origins, and don’t equate anything having to do with John Travolta, Scientology, Floridian gated communities or drunk teens with evolutionary theory.
    .
    Damn straight FSM is worth a laugh…but what you’re not understanding is that it’s at your expense.
    .
    P.E.T.

  16. 16 Captain Taj Feb 28th, 2008 at 7:55 am

    Why do people who write hate mail have the worst grammar and spelling? My logical conjecture for this is that they are uneducated. Ramen

  17. 17 James D Feb 28th, 2008 at 7:55 am

    Wait, was this actually hate mail, it sounded more like an amusing anecdote about John Travolta. There was very little hate actually, except maybe from John Travolta. Well to start with the FSM is not “mother earth” if anything he is close to “father firmament” so HA. Not much to say really, surprising articulate, it must not be a catholic this time. But sir we are no joke.
    RAmen
    James D

  18. 18 Wench Nikkiee Feb 28th, 2008 at 8:15 am

    Here’s an idea George….change your medication.

  19. 19 ET, the Extra Terrestrial Feb 28th, 2008 at 8:23 am

    New words:
    enschelada
    BMV
    EVOLUTOIONARY

    I find myself wondering how five kids were restored to rock and water - did they start out as rock and water earlier in the day?

    I am continually amazed by the levels of willful ignorance displayed by some of the folks who post these hate mail entries. It makes it obvious that all they want to do is stick their head in the door, scream, and run away. FSM forbid that they should put forward any evidence, or even a moderately well-reasoned argument in support of their positions. It seems like they think that if you yell something loud enough, and frequently enough, that makes it true.

    Hey, George, a few suggestions:
    1. Learn to spell.
    2. Learn about punctuation, capitalization, grammar and syntax.
    3. Try presenting your case with evidence in support of your position, and (if appropriate) evidence that the opposing position is incorrect. (This does not include pompous or self-righteous assertions.)

    If you can do these things, it is possible that you may engage in intelligent discussion of points on which you disagree with someone. If you continue atteempting to present your case as you have above, no one will expect you to be capable of intelligent discussion of anything.

    I don’t expect to hear a response from young George.

    Spaghetti tomorrow night!!

  20. 20 galderon Feb 28th, 2008 at 8:38 am

    So many typos! My head a-splode!

  21. 21 Ryan Feb 28th, 2008 at 8:51 am

    …huh?

  22. 22 StJason Feb 28th, 2008 at 8:55 am

    Dull, unimaginative, poor grammar, and what is up with the space before the exclamation points? 1/10

  23. 23 John Barker Feb 28th, 2008 at 9:20 am

    Are you talking about the big bang? It’s difficult to tell cause you are so far from accurate that you probably should look it up or shut up (or both would be awesome). Also I do not know you, but just from reading this i’m fairly sure you are an extremly gullible individual; first off I could be wrong, but I’m assuming you are christian? This alone would not substantiate my argument as yes, there is a possibility we are wrong and you are right, although in my experience most believers are just gullible people who did not question what they heard in church when their parents brought em along on a sunday morning. However add that to 2 more things you have shown.
    1: you think that we actualy believe the fsm theory(although granted there probably are a few who do)
    2: you think when someone talks about mother earth, that they are actualy talking about a living thinking designer much the same god, when infact it’s merly an expression. Infact, how is mother earth(or indeed the flying spaghetti monster) any less likely than your god? the only real difference evidence wise as far as I have noticed is there have been less books and short stories written for them.

  24. 24 The Josh Feb 28th, 2008 at 9:55 am

    I would say both sides of the evolution argument have pretty good imaginations, however, our side has one thing creationists dont, “Overwhelming observable evidence”.

    Oh, by the way, if that was an analogy, it was completely incoherent.

  25. 25 Kender Feb 28th, 2008 at 10:09 am

    Sorry I got up to enschelada, and realized it’s pizza day in the local cafe. What where you saying?

  26. 26 Sarah Feb 28th, 2008 at 10:19 am

    You find it more believable that the current “mess of drugs , sex and violence” was the product of a perfect god or intelligent designer than the product of an unintelligent designer or no designer at all? Wow, you seem to have less faith in the abilities of an intelligent designer (including the hypothetical Christian God) than we do. It must be sad to have so little faith; I hope his noodliness touches you soon. RAmen!

  27. 27 Ande Feb 28th, 2008 at 10:33 am

    I can’t see what that story has to do with anything, I don’t even think I understand the story. Please elaborate

  28. 28 Squingleberg Feb 28th, 2008 at 10:38 am

    …uhhh…what?

  29. 29 PirateFridge™ Feb 28th, 2008 at 10:49 am

    I’m confused. What’s this person talking about?

  30. 30 Mariner Feb 28th, 2008 at 11:43 am

    What exactly is your point in this email? Were you one of those dipshits who decided to test his gate system? Probably, since your lack of explanation tells us nothing as to what or who you are. Go away and quit bugging the hell out of us. We have important things to do than read bullshit made up by some dumbass who won’t even tell us what his point it.
    ~
    I hate when my cable modem is out, that’s why I seem pissy right now.
    ~Mariner

  31. 31 Concrete Dog Feb 28th, 2008 at 11:57 am

    I don’t know if its just me being a little bit tired an inattentive, but can anyone else understand this?

  32. 32 Brett Feb 28th, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    What?

  33. 33 Gnocci Man Feb 28th, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    This message confuses me… can someone write a translation, please? I’m not sure what it is about, as I am not very good at deciphering chaotic script.
    It IS kind of funny that he calls someone a preschooler in a post containing so many spelling and grammatical errors, but I guess I’m not here to call people out on literacy.

  34. 34 Etay Feb 28th, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    Pardon?

  35. 35 anonymous Feb 28th, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    I truely can’t tell if this guy is for or against the FSM. He seems rather drunk, and I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm gone awry, or some holy roller having a flash-back from all the acid.

  36. 36 Little Maru Feb 28th, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Those space thunderstorms are a real bummer, dude.

  37. 37 Matt Feb 28th, 2008 at 2:37 pm

    OBJECTION!
    There isn’t any water in space, only ice! Nor is there lightning! Your entire case is now flawed!
    I like pie! Meeps!

  38. 38 bald pirate Feb 28th, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    mwahaha, an other idiot. Jees, why did the “designer” give him brain, if this “kind” of people never use it?

  39. 39 lordpunkmonk Feb 28th, 2008 at 3:13 pm

    this guy gets it it is OK to believe anything as long as you do not force it upon others

    you can even believe that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbbolically eat his flesh and telepathicaly tell you accept him as you master,so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree

  40. 40 PastaTux Feb 28th, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    Oh George. How droll! Your eloquence reveals an education. For an educated man you are remarkably obtuse. At least you must be if you can claim to BELIEVE in Biblical creation (which belief is implicit in your sarcasm) despite the overwhelming evidence against it.
    .
    Drew

  41. 41 ET, the Extra Terrestrial Feb 28th, 2008 at 3:54 pm

    Whoopsie, I missed one of the new words.

    lightening

    Man, these god squad deputies are no end of fun.

  42. 42 Satan Feb 28th, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    What.

  43. 43 Voodoo Feb 28th, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    lol wut?

  44. 44 Satan Feb 28th, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    Oh man I totally should have said “More like FROM a preschooler!” but now nobody will think that it’s witty and clever because it’s lost it’s full effect through both my delayed reaction and further explanation.

  45. 45 Satan Feb 28th, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    Crap, now I’ve become redundant! I’ve got to save the comedic value of these posts somehow lest somebody I know discovers that I’m being unfunny on the internet!
    .
    I think I’ll just ignore the fact that I’m triple posting and say something random for hilarity’s sake. It’s my last chance!

  46. 46 Satan Feb 28th, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    DAAAAAAAAAMN

  47. 47 Bob Feb 28th, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    Some people wouldn’t recognize politically motivated satire if it bit them in the butt. George probably thinks Jonathan Swift was serious about eating plump Irish babies.

  48. 48 Marnie Feb 28th, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    Enschelada? BMV?
    Say what with the who now?

  49. 49 First prospective cook for the SSS FSM Feb 28th, 2008 at 5:10 pm

    george, you are old as dirt my friend, old as the stars, why don’t you tells us what happened when you were a teenager? did you see the big bang yourself?

  50. 50 I drive a YAR-is Feb 28th, 2008 at 5:28 pm

    Am I the only one here who is completly lost by what he is saying??

  51. 51 BertrandXVI Feb 28th, 2008 at 5:35 pm

    You are absolutely right in that it’s OK to believe in FSMism. Not as sure I agree with you on the evolutionary thing, but, hey, what ever sauces your noodles, man.

  52. 52 grim trigger Feb 28th, 2008 at 6:32 pm

    … aside from the ghastly slaughtering of “enchilada,” did that make sense to anyone else?

    ‘Cause I’m sure lost. Why are we talking about John Travolta?

  53. 53 Zankou Feb 28th, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    WE don’t indoctrinate OUR preschoolers, thank you very much.

  54. 54 lux Feb 28th, 2008 at 6:47 pm

    I didn’t really understand any of this.. John Travolta… Water and rock… sex, drugs, violence. I think that English must not be George’s first language, maybe it would have made more sense in his native tongue. Either way, I’m just pissed that he misspelled “Enchilada”. As far as I’m concerned the deliciousness of Mexican food is surpassed only by that of pasta. George has insulted a mighty ally of the FSM by misspelling that word.

  55. 55 Insigtful Ape Feb 28th, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    Dear George: It is obvious immediately that you are a preschooler, as your post title indicates. You might want to check how “enchilada” is spelled next time.
    Ramen

  56. 56 NintFJr Feb 28th, 2008 at 9:26 pm

    The way you phrase the rise of life on Earth makes me think you don’t quite understand the process as it happened, or even close to how it happened. And your spelling of enchilada suggests you don’t understand most of anything. In fact, your whole argument sounds something like this:

    Ms. Garrison: In the beginning, we were all fish. Okay? Swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live. So Retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its…
    [she waves her left hand limply]
    Ms. Garrison: …mutant fish hands… and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something and made this.
    [she points to a prehistoric mammal rodent]
    Ms. Garrison: Retard frog-sqirrel, and then *that* had a retard baby which was a… monkey-fish-frog… And then this monkey-fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey, and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey… and that made you!
    [she faces the class, with the new girl among them looking around]
    Ms. Garrison: So there you go! You’re the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel! Congratulations!

  57. 57 blackbird Feb 28th, 2008 at 10:26 pm

    It takes a mighty stubborn man to look at the cumulation and self-supporting evidence from biology, archeology, geology, chemistry, astrophysics and so on and say, “Bah! I know better!”
    .
    (Originally posted 11:35 28 Feb 2008. I’m sure a mod will let this go up sometime in 2010.)

  58. 58 McWhitebeard Feb 28th, 2008 at 10:36 pm

    Um, What?

  59. 59 Cheeetar Feb 28th, 2008 at 11:23 pm

    I don’t know what you are saying, or why.

  60. 60 Benel Germosen Feb 28th, 2008 at 11:30 pm

    Hey, just like A MAGIC MAN DID IT. So it all works out.

  61. 61 James Smith Feb 28th, 2008 at 11:43 pm

    Does this mean Travolta has reached OT-8?

  62. 62 opurboda Feb 29th, 2008 at 12:12 am

    “the whole enschelada resulted when water hit some rock in outer space and happened to be hit by lightening …..the result was a chain reaction which brought the present mess of drugs , sex and violence to be an everyday happening .”

    Wow this is the most clear and obvious explanation for the beginning of the universe since Kent Hovind.
    Of course the fact that this is utter crap seems a minor matter as compared to your obviously flawed idea of the creation of the Earth.

    George, George, George, capitalize, it’s good for you. Run a spell check, read a few books. Then come back and try an actual debate. We’ll be waiting.

  63. 63 Answers in FSM Feb 29th, 2008 at 1:25 am

    Ok, let’s start this:

    “for a preschooler you have an avid imaginagtion ,”

    At this point I knew something had gone horribly, horribly wrong.
    Our FSM, disgraced! *Gasp* How original!

    ” but thats OK many before you have chosen to BELIEVE , that the whole enschelada resulted when water hit some rock in outer space and happened to be hit by lightening …..the result was a chain reaction which brought the present mess of drugs , sex and violence to be an everyday happening .”

    Well, this is a clear misunderstanding of the Big Bang, Abiogenesis AND Evolution, in one phrase. Impressing.

    “five kids in a BMV at John Travolta`s gated village in Florida tried to test this concept on Jan 26/`08 and were restored to the original rock and water ..the enery was absorbed by a large tree that got into their path and was destroyed , much to the chagrin of John !”

    Huh? Are you saying there were trees in the primordial soup?

    “If you find this story farfetched , it`s OK to BELIEVE in the FSM or the EVOLUTOIONARY model of your source in the scheme of mother earth ..whovever she is ! I don`t think any one will mind ! Why should anyone be upset by your amusing proposals..they are good for a laugh !”

    And so are you.

    “George”

    Earl, and a hearty RAmen to you too.

  64. 64 Von Haus Feb 29th, 2008 at 1:25 am

    for a preschooler you are quite good at spelling (imaginagtion?)

  65. 65 Vinny Feb 29th, 2008 at 2:05 am

    I believe the appropriate response here is WTF?! Seriously, does anyone know what this clown is actually talking about?

  66. 66 Honest Sill Feb 29th, 2008 at 3:29 am

    Its too bad for you the “enschelada” of rock, water and lightning (which doesn’t occur in outer space) didn’t include either a spell check or rudimentary grammar lessons. I find it far fetched that a “cough” grown man has no knowledge of either physics and seems to think that chemical reactions are less realistic then AN INVISIBLE FUCKING DUDE THAT MADE EVERYTHING FROM SCRATCH IN 6 DAYS. May you be touched by the FSM’s noodly appendages and perhaps the long arm of an education system.

    RAmen

    Honest Sill

  67. 67 lilwench Feb 29th, 2008 at 8:54 am

    That was well thought out and reasoned, George. I’d love to know what you smoke.

  68. 68 BarefootCajun Feb 29th, 2008 at 11:25 am

    And what year of preschool are you in, George? I’m guessing pretty early preschool because not a word of what you wrote it intelligible.

  69. 69 Vermicelli Feb 29th, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    So wait… Are you saying John Travolta is God? Does he rinse? He’s not one of those baked ziti heretics is he?

  70. 70 caveat lector Feb 29th, 2008 at 1:49 pm

    Since I have gotten carpel tunnel from responding to creationist propaganda and misinformation, which I have always disproven, I won’t bother much with yours. So just look at the comments on other articles and see how evolution absolutely destroyes creationism in terms of logic and observable evidence.

    Ouch, my hands still hurt from carpel tunnel

  71. 71 Landlubber Feb 29th, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    George,

    Your theory is interesting. I would, however, recommend a spell check.

  72. 72 Pasta DogMama Feb 29th, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    OMG- Is this guy ok? I’m worried for him.

  73. 73 Piratus Feb 29th, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    Thank you. You apperently have a sence of humor unlike some Christians who seem to want to spam everything on this site.

  74. 74 CapnSkittle Feb 29th, 2008 at 5:32 pm

    …May His Noodly Appendage grant you the skills of coherency.
    RAmen.

  75. 75 James Feb 29th, 2008 at 7:37 pm

    Hi Retard!
    It’s good to know that there are still god fear christians out there. As you have probably realized, the pastafarian is more legitimate than most other modern religions out there. I’m guessing that your in the middle of butt fuck no where with a horrible education. You an odd person following a fairy-tale written 500-300 years after it allegedly happened. And then you impose your gay hating, racist, anti-feminist, civil rights destroying deity upon the objective public community which is protected from you by the establishment clause, and you go ahead create sudo science which is imposed on students such as myself while your busy taking a piss on the constitution and the bill of rights you asshole! Just remember that it’s okay to follow your religion but to impose your religion on other just like most of the religious right is just fucked up. Also why do you care? According to you we’ll all die in the “second coming” so why should you give a shit?

    Suck my balls intolerant ass-fuck,
    JTS

  76. 76 James Feb 29th, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    Hi retard,
    I’m guessing that your a member of the religious right, and therefore your a real asshole. And if you follow intelligent design in the belief that it is science, take and hour of your time and go to this NOVA presentation of go to defconamerica.org it’s always the smart thing to do is to research your opposition right? So as a possible member of a religious right you assert your authority over the people’s constitutional rights, correct? So you by pass the establishment clause of the constitution and you impose your gay hating, anti-feminist, illiberal (18 century liberalism), you intervine in people’s privacy such as the schiavo case and your anit abortion views, as well as your stand against progress with trying to ban stem cell reaserch and you teach sudo science or creationism or intelligent design in public schools, making people dummer, and breaching the establishment clause of the constitution and violating MY rights as a student, while using that document as toilet paper. You are an asshole.

    Suck my balls,
    JTS

  77. 77 James Feb 29th, 2008 at 7:52 pm

    Hi retard,
    I’m guessing that your a member of the religious right, and therefore your a real asshole. And if you follow intelligent design in the belief that it is science, take and hour of your time and go to this NOVA presentation of go to defconamerica.org it’s always the smart thing to do is to research your opposition right? So as a possible member of a religious right you assert your authority over the people’s constitutional rights, correct? So you by pass the establishment clause of the constitution and you impose your gay hating, anti-feminist, illiberal (18 century liberalism), you intervine in people’s privacy such as the schiavo case and your anit abortion views, as well as your stand against progress with trying to ban stem cell reaserch and you teach sudo science or creationism or intelligent design in public schools, making people dummer, and breaching the establishment clause of the constitution and violating MY rights as a student, while using that document as toilet paper. You are an asshole.

    Suck my balls,
    J.T.S.

  78. 78 Markus Feb 29th, 2008 at 10:18 pm

    Well, given that the Word’s “Parody religion” are scattered throughout the site, as well as on the Gospel of the Spaghetti monster, I’d assume that it was meant for a laugh(and to make a point which seems juuuust out of your grasp). And try as you might, you CANNOT convince me that John Travolta is human and not some form of Godly (or Noodly) form of vengeance on our race.

    P.S. What is “enery”?

  79. 79 Allyson Mar 1st, 2008 at 9:02 am

    what is an “enschelada”? Is this George as in George W. Bush, the grammar and spelling would certainly indicate so. What is with all the spaces between punctuation? I am not sure what the “EVOLUTOIONARY” model is, but I would love to find out. Enlighten us.

  80. 80 MettyC Mar 1st, 2008 at 9:29 am

    ??? Is this guy insulting us or praising us or spreading his own faith of mother nature? I’m really confused. (First Post, woohoo!)

  81. 81 Dan Mar 1st, 2008 at 10:11 am

    Henderob, you do nothing but leave nonsensical and unintelligent comments on this website every single chance that you get, and I have to say I am getting very tired of your different methods of convincing us that we are wrong. I believe the first time you tried cursing us into acceptance, basically proving to us that you are not a terribly smart person. The second time you got angry with us in a very pompous and pedantic manner, acting somewhat condescendingly like you were the bearer of some secret that you were deciding to share with us. Now, you have tried to change our views by choosing to accept that we may have our own childish and foolish beliefs, and that this is our choice, while at the same time suggesting that you are above such silly and immature ideologies. None of the three methods have worked so far, and I think that it would be in your best interests to just quit because every time you come up with a logical point, all of the Pastafarians that visit this site basically annihilate your post and tear you to shreds.

    Here:

    You are not smart, clever, or in any way mature. You are just a ridiculous Christian seeking to force your ideas on others, just like every other one of your people. I am sick of it. Do not post here again. Do not every talk to another Pastafarian. Leave us alone, wallow in your lack of self worth, and please find something constructive to do with your life, because I am now completely finished with you infecting others with your idiocy. Please, I may sound terribly cruel in this post, but let me assure you that, really, not one person on this website wants to hear anything you have to say. At all. In any way. Ever.

    Really, please just remove this website from your bookmarks and history, reinstall whatever browser you use, buy a totally new computer, and suffer damage to your head. Do whatever it takes to make sure you are never inclined to post on this website again.

  82. 82 jeremykeys Mar 1st, 2008 at 12:44 pm

    I believe the 11th commandments is; “Thou shalt not satirize.”

  83. 83 jeremykeys Mar 1st, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    I believe the 11th commandment is; “Thou shall not satirize.”
    I think it only applies to Christians.

  84. 84 Iron gill Kidd Mar 1st, 2008 at 4:10 pm

    Ummm….

    What?

    (I THINK the FSM was just insulted, but honestly, this guy’s writing style is so weird I’m not quite sure…)

  85. 85 Billdozer Mar 1st, 2008 at 4:16 pm

    Well that prettymuch says it all huh? How could anyone possibly disagree with George? He clearly knows what he’s talking about. You can tell by the way he knows how to spell big words such as Enchilada, Lightning, and Evolutionary. Also, his repeated use of exclamation marks during his ramblings… I mean, well thought out points is effective in getting his point across. Thank you George, for shedding light on all of these uneducated idiots who believe in FSM

  86. 86 Stephanie Mar 2nd, 2008 at 8:32 am

    I recommend that before you attempt to comment on Evolution that you try reading “A Selfish Gene” or “The Blind Watchmaker” by Richard Dawkins. Both are intended for a public understanding of what Evolution really is, rather than what you think that you think it is (based on your mis-education on the subject by your religious leaders who fear what will happen to their power when the average American chooses to education himself or herself rather than blindly believe in whatever they are told).

  87. 87 Markus Mar 2nd, 2008 at 3:31 pm

    Well, I’d say the fact that the words “parody religion” are sprinkled throughout the site, maybe it’s meant for a laugh, as well as to prove a point that’s juuust out of your reach. By the way, the radioactive energy surrounding John Travolta can cause various cancers, and, for some reason, give you the flu, but as for rock and water, you were probably deluded by the radiation. No worries, it’ll go away.

    P.S. What is “enery”?

  88. 88 cookieduster Mar 2nd, 2008 at 5:11 pm

    What is this “enschelada” you speak of?

  89. 89 Ayumi-chan Mar 3rd, 2008 at 4:58 am

    Our beliefs are good for a laugh?…
    BUHAHAHAHA! Hey, you’re right! That’s probably because the FSM is a JOKE! (or is He?…)

  90. 90 JBENDER23 Mar 3rd, 2008 at 8:34 am

    Woah…what the fuck are you talking about. Did I miss something. Did I jump into a conversation that had been already going on? Could you please have an introduction, explain what the fuck you are talking about, and a conlusion?

  91. 91 Ubi Dubium Mar 3rd, 2008 at 8:55 am

    @Dan
    Dan - “henderob” is our beloved prophet Bobby, who posts the rantings of others for our amusement. His name appears because he is our moderator. Please look at the bottom of the hate mail for the actual signatures of the perpetrators. Please don’t blame our prophet for their foolishness.
    .
    RAmen

  92. 92 Tar Mar 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 am

    @Dan, top of page 5
    Uh…Henderbob is the person who made this website. He posts Hate-mails sent to him. In fact, Henderbob rarely posts his opinions in this hate-mail section….

  93. 93 Len Guini Mar 3rd, 2008 at 10:58 am

    @Dan
    Mar 1st, 2008 at 10:11 am
    Henderob is bobby henderson, prophet of the FSM. He receives all the hatemail, and then puts it on his website here

  94. 94 breakinpoint Mar 3rd, 2008 at 11:36 am

    Dan, dearest, Henderob is our dearest Bobby Henderson.

    he is just posting them for our enjoyment.

    George,
    now that is the fiend who sent us this message from beyond the strange.

  95. 95 James D King of Pirates Mar 3rd, 2008 at 12:29 pm

    Hatemail makes me smile; it proves you are doing something right when someone hates you for doing it.
    RAmen
    James

  96. 96 JBENDER23 Mar 3rd, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    @James D King of Pirates

    That’s probably the truest thing I’ve heard all day, I’ve never thought of it like that. Thank you sir.

  97. 97 Ayumi-chan Mar 3rd, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    Buhahahaha. Hahaha. Ha. Yes, they ARE good for a laugh. Because they are a clever little thing called a J-O-K-E. Incedentally, hands up who believes in Mother Earth? Didn’t think so.

  98. 98 Ayumi-chan Mar 3rd, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    Note to self. Stop double posting >

  99. 99 erik Mar 3rd, 2008 at 4:43 pm

    w00t w00t go prophet!!!
    stone the evil hate-mailing peeps!
    RAmen!!

  100. 100 lordpunkmonk Mar 3rd, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    “Dan

    Henderob, you do nothing but leave nonsensical and unintelligent comments on this website every single chance that you get, and I have to say I am getting very tired of your different methods of convincing us that we are wrong. I believe the first time you tried cursing us into acceptance, basically proving to us that you are not a terribly smart person. The second time you got angry with us in a very pompous and pedantic manner, acting somewhat condescendingly like you were the bearer of some secret that you were deciding to share with us. Now, you have tried to change our views by choosing to accept that we may have our own childish and foolish beliefs, and that this is our choice, while at the same time suggesting that you are above such silly and immature ideologies. None of the three methods have worked so far, and I think that it would be in your best interests to just quit because every time you come up with a logical point, all of the Pastafarians that visit this site basically annihilate your post and tear you to shreds.
    Here:
    You are not smart, clever, or in any way mature. You are just a ridiculous Christian seeking to force your ideas on others, just like every other one of your people. I am sick of it. Do not post here again. Do not every talk to another Pastafarian. Leave us alone, wallow in your lack of self worth, and please find something constructive to do with your life, because I am now completely finished with you infecting others with your idiocy. Please, I may sound terribly cruel in this post, but let me assure you that, really, not one person on this website wants to hear anything you have to say. At all. In any way. Ever.
    Really, please just remove this website from your bookmarks and history, reinstall whatever browser you use, buy a totally new computer, and suffer damage to your head. Do whatever it takes to make sure you are never inclined to post on this website again.”

    Ummmm dude henderbob is the creator of pastaferianism and is the one getting this hate mail he is the publisher cause he published it on his site

  101. 101 jeremykeys Mar 3rd, 2008 at 8:11 pm

    Why can’t Christians spell?
    Why do they all seem to be so violent?
    Why do they all seem to have the intelligence of a road apple?(horse turd for those who don’t know)

  102. 102 Tooplark Mar 3rd, 2008 at 9:55 pm

    This is… even more incoherent than usual. Honestly, even disregarding spelling errors it’s impossible to discern this guy’s point! … If he even had one.

  103. 103 Cap'n Ollie Mar 4th, 2008 at 10:18 am

    This is one of the least intelligable hate-mails I have ever read.

  104. 104 don't taze me bro Mar 4th, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    So here it goes,
    George (and all the other Christians who feel it is their moral duty to get pissed on this site),
    NO, BAD CHRISTIANS, We do that outside!
    Here’s the thing, I am a Christian and am in school right now getting degrees in Religion and Philosophy.
    That being said this site is genius. All hail FSM (just kidding Jesus). Let it never be said of me that I am close-minded.
    That does not mean that I don’t take my faith seriously, but that I’m not a robot and have a sense of humor.
    What I would stress to those who adhere to the teachings of the Great and Powerful FSM, we’re not all like George and those other fools who don’t get it. I’m sure you all know this already but I felt the need to reiterate the fact.
    For me, Christianity stems not only from faith, but from experience and logic.
    I agree with the prophet that ID should not be taught in science class, but a philosophy class, why not? If anyone would like to discuss why it is a believe in this “fictional” God I would welcome it in love and patience. Also, read C. S. Lewis, Kierkkagaard (SP) and Bonhoeffer, as I have read Nietzche, Kant, and (laughing on the inside) Richard Dawkins.
    Peace love and noodles
    Amen and RAmen
    yours truly,
    The (not quite as delusional as some might think) Christian
    PS - Don’t say anything more, please, about Dawkins. He makes things up about religion and Christianity - see the Chapter about Jesus in “The God Delusion”. No Respect.

  105. 105 neal Mar 4th, 2008 at 3:25 pm

    Know what else is good for a laugh–John Hagee.

    Here’s a fundamentalist televangelist who believes

    –The United States must defend Israel, so when Christ returns to Earth, after the Battle of Armageddon is fought between this nation and China in the Megido Valley (hence Armageddon), God can give the Jews the option to convert to Xtainity or be wholly and entirely killed as a people and cast into hell.

    –Believes that war with Iran is inevitable and the US must nuke Iran preemptively with all due haste

    –Believes Hurrican Katrina was a punishment from God for its being a gay-friendly city.

    –Believes in the Rapture (deathless assumption into heaven of all the righteous of the earth)

    –Believes that the Catholic church is a Whore and a Cult.

    When people talk about Louis Farakhan and his support for Barrach Obama, take note of the fact that Mr Obamo repudiated Mr Farrakhan-said thanks but no thanks. Contrast this with McCain who has appeared on the SAME STAGE with Reverend Fruitcake.

    Also, if you’ve ever seen photos of Reverend Hagee, you will no doubt observe, he’s fat as a pit. Isn’t Gluttony also a sin. Why does he single out one sin, such as violation of Xtainity’s sexual code while himself practicing another equally deadly (at least according to his own religion) sin?

  106. 106 Fusillier Mar 4th, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    George, I think you might mean a ‘Vivid’ imagination, not an ‘avid’ imagination!
    RAmen

  107. 107 James Mar 4th, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    Hey retard,
    Many people here are more logical than those of faith and actually think before they make a stupid comment such as that. So I’m actually guessing, you probably are among the many uneducated Americans who follow the religious doctrine correct? Nobody actually believes in FSM, I do but I’m speaking for most of the website not all of it. And yes, you are just frustrated at our clever parody of a religion pressing it’s beliefs on others. ID isn’t science. If you want a logical explanation as to why, email me at selfe3@yahoo.com. And no, the earth was a lump of rocks that were attracted by GRAVITY to gether into a ball, the pressure and friction at the center created MAGMA which was released by volcanoes into clouds to form an atmosphere which contained hydrogen and oxygen to create water. And where ever there is water there is life, so with the materials which formed the first cell on the planet, life could take hold, although when life emerged on land it went extinct, and then had to evolve all over again out of the water from microbes. But then again, it’s much easier to make a false statement without actually learning anything first. All of the different elements in the universe, which makes up all that is around us in different compounds are formed in the sun, with it’s constant explosion, when the sun loses mass it expands and crushes back in on itself and has enough pressure to form the rest of the matter in the universe, ask any high school or middle school physics teacher, retard. So all of the things that you claim to be false all have proof. FUCK YOU
    -J.T.S.

  108. 108 Sanity Mar 4th, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    Hmm, I thought we got all of them in the great moron hunt of ‘07.
    Seems a few of them slipped through. No matter the punishment for stupidity is swift and painfull.

    *In a perfect world*

  109. 109 Ubi Dubium Mar 5th, 2008 at 7:55 am

    @ Don’t Taze Me Bro
    Nice to have you here. There are too many people in this world who blindly follow their religion because it was what they happened to be taught as a child. (What could we call this - Faith by Default?) If you have deeply examined your beliefs, studied others, and chosen the faith (or lack thereof) that really makes the most sense to you, then Bravo! Please hang around. In amongst the rants there is really quite a bit of intelligent conversation here.
    .
    I agree that ID would be perfectly fine in a philosophy class. Also in a comparative religion class, which is generally not offered in high schools, but should be. Science class is for “how”, philosophy class is for “why”.
    .
    I have read C.S Lewis, and Nietzche (ugh). I just recently read the entire “Book of Enoch the Prophet”, which was a contender to be included in the bible, but ultimately wasn’t. It was, however, a work commonly known in the era of the writing of the New Testament, and the book of Jude even quotes directly from it. (It also has more detail about the giants that are briefly alluded to in Genesis, and the names of lots of angels.) It was a part of the culture at the time, so I recommend it, if you have not already read it. You can find the full text here: http://www.sacred-texts.com/bib/bep/index.htm
    .
    I also recommend Daniel Dennett’s “Breaking the Spell”. You may find Prof. Dennett gentler and easier to stomach than Dawkins or Hitchens.
    .
    RAmen
    .
    p.s. - if you are in the mood for a laugh, and truly have a sense of humor, then I recommend “Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal”.

  110. 110 ET, the Extra Terrestrial Mar 6th, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    @don’t taze me bro:

    Experience and logic? ‘Scuse me?
    Unless you have had a personal interview, complete with recorded physical manifestations, with a very convincing god, I’m calling wrongo on the experience part. And the logic part holds no water either. You can’t derive a logical position based on frequently-edited incomplete scraps of text arbitrarily selected from a much greater pool of “literature” penned by poorly educated superstitious semi-primitives. I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that faith is the entirety of your basis for belief, since that’s really all there is to base it on.
    Unless you have those recordings….?
    ET

  111. 111 hungry Mar 7th, 2008 at 1:31 am

    mmm… an enschelada sounds really good right about now. it took a lot of enrgy to decipher what this kid is talking about. may the noodly appendage reach out and heal his broken mind (shame on you for taking things too seriously). RAmen.

  112. 112 hop3less Mar 7th, 2008 at 6:26 am

    This doesn’t make any sense.
    What’s he trying to say?

  113. 113 First Mate S-Hams Mar 8th, 2008 at 2:07 am

    On a lighter note: I stumbled upon this thread because in recent comments “hungry”’s comment showed up as “hungry–for a preschooler”

    That is all.

  114. 114 Darkcitymedia Mar 10th, 2008 at 8:37 pm

    To Brian,
    Grow up! You don’t have to mock every Christian because the ignorance of one by using such remarks as, “magical sky fairy”, The moment that your mockery was generalized, was the same moment that you met the criterion of a bigot.

    Further more, “our silly little book” doesn’t mention either, because the parables, songs, poems, and metaphors which make up the bible are symbolic and the verses themselves were a a cryptic means to pass on information such as current events of the time, rally support for protest, make social commentary, offer advice on healthy and hygienic living, pass on uplifting messages, and teach moral virtues during a time when free speech wasn’t an option. Not to mention the fact that they were authored in such a way as to make these messages much easier to remember since public schooling wasn’t available at that time.

    It’s those reasons which show that you yourself are stalled in the same primitive mind frame as preschool peddler & the only difference is your short minded conclusions.

    So stop acting like a jackass to validate yourself, because if you were what you try to cast yourself as being, then you would have no need for the epithets to get your point across.

  115. 115 Darkcitymedia Mar 10th, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    You know what is truly sad….

    That several of you who respond to these asinine emails are dependent on the hate of Fundamentalist Christians because it’s clearly the crux used in determining your own self worth.

    This isn’t a statement that is targeted at the majority of FSM’ers, because for the most part everyone here has welcomed me to participate in the dicussions even though I’m a Christian and I truly appreciate those such as Neal who take the time to differentiate the ignorant hate-spewing Fundamentalists from those Christians who’s faith is based on tolerance and understanding…

    Still, some of you need to look over your own messages and identify your own hypocrisy.

  116. 116 Captain Shplane Mar 11th, 2008 at 3:31 pm

    So…

    Wut?

  117. 117 Daniel Lewis Mar 11th, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    Why, George, it’s almost as preposterous as the concept of an invisible giant old man floating in the sky with the clouds between his knees inseminating unsuspecting Mary’s and sacrificing his only begotten son every time he feels the need to forgive us.

    RAmen.

  118. 118 Robert Mar 11th, 2008 at 9:14 pm

    i think he’s a little perschooler or even better a !MIDGET!

  119. 119 TheBigM Mar 12th, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    Is a BMV like a car or does it stand for something more dangerous, like “Big Moon Vehicle”?

  120. 120 TheBigM Mar 12th, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    Horton hears a Who

  121. 121 Francesc Mar 12th, 2008 at 3:14 pm

    @Darkcitymedia
    Sorry, it’s only for laugh. Fundies are funny.
    In fact, they would be even funnier if they didn’t rule the most powerfull nation in the world.

  122. 122 skinimini Mar 14th, 2008 at 3:43 pm

    What the F are you smoking?? Who puts a space between the last word of a sentence and the puncutation mark?? And what are you talking about, ‘If this seems farfetched…’ (it’s far-fetched, btw), it doesn’t even make sense!! Do the rest of us a favor and DO NOT BREED!!!

  123. 123 The PMS Avenger Mar 16th, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    0_0 Can anyone even tell what he’s saying. I guess if you look at it in a mirror then-

    Oh man, I knew it. In a mirror, it says SO DARK THE CON OF MAN. Don’t you see, this isn’t a hate message. It’s a clue.

  124. 124 Count Crisco Mar 19th, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    I’m pretty confused right now, because I have no idea what you just said.
    But I think that this isn’t hate mail, in which case it’s good to see that somebody in the hate mail isn’t a moron.

  125. 125 Captain Marcus of The Flying Rubinetto Mar 20th, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    I love clues! Lets find more, and go on a whirlwind adventure disovering secrets!

  126. 126 higgy Mar 31st, 2008 at 10:41 am

    HAHA, fail you can even spell enchilada, point discredited

  127. 127 ME DUH Apr 16th, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    And your point is?
    Yeah, really, what’s up with the space before punctuation? And why don’t you know how to spell enchilada? (I didn’t even know that was what you meant upon first reading!)
    Peace, Love, and Pirates!!
    RAmen.

  128. 128 Piraatje Apr 17th, 2008 at 7:15 am

    “Further more, “our silly little book” doesn’t mention either, because the parables, songs, poems, and metaphors which make up the bible are symbolic and the verses themselves were a a cryptic means to pass on information such as current events of the time, rally support for protest, make social commentary, offer advice on healthy and hygienic living, pass on uplifting messages, and teach moral virtues during a time when free speech wasn’t an option. Not to mention the fact that they were authored in such a way as to make these messages much easier to remember since public schooling wasn’t available at that time.”

    <