YOU DUMB BITCH!!! this is no such thing as a fucking flying spaghetti monster and hes not god ! If he were real i would chop that bitch up and feed him to the poor starving people in africa! you people are sick and demented, and your all going to fucking hell! FUCKING SPEGHETTI I MEAN COME ON IF YOU WANTED TO COME UP WITH A RELIGION THE GOD HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE REALISTIC! IM SORRY BUT MY SPEGHETTI DOES NOT TALK TO ME IT IS NOT JESUS! Lol you all are way to funny XD You guys must be on some good drugs, pass that shit around. Sooo like are you guys in a cult or something?? What are the disciples of this spaghetti guy? A piece of garlic toast and a meat ball? LOL!!!! You guys are soo sick i wouldnt even spit in your direction and when you all die im gonna piss on ALL of your graves!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You are all a joke!! I will tie down everyone of you sick bastards and force feed you guys spaghetti!!! and i will scream out “weres you fuckiNG spaghetti bitch now? Is he gonna save you? NOO! Cause hes NOT REAL!” Do you guys like revolve around food or something? Like cause you have fine art taco photography?!? Who the dumb bitch who thought of this religion??? Cause i bet you money they were on shrums at the time or maybe some fucking acid! Cause this is some trippy shit! AND yes i do believe in hell! But im not gonna go to hell for believing in a false idol like you stupid spaghetti! JESUS CHRIST I STILL CANT EVEN GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU BELIEVE IN THIS BULLSHIT!!! DO THEY LIKE FORCE FEED YOU THIS SHIT? LIKE SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT?
WTF???That does not look like a spaghetti monsterrrr you dumb cunt! SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!
- jade-jewel
you dumb bitch
Published by Bobby Henderson February 20th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 472 Comments
472 Responses to “you dumb bitch”
You are going to hell for using your lord’s name in vain though. It’s your hell, you burn.
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Dude! Get a sence of humour!!! And learn how to spell while you’re at it! No offence but seriously your spelling sucks!
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Gack.
It still manages to be funny when these idiots don’t get that it’s NOT SUPPOSED to be taken seriously.
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What is with the vaginal fetish? Afraid of the teeth? Meatballs will overcome this inadequacy.
If your spaghetti doesn’t talk to you, either you offend it or overcook it. Gently fondle it with your lips as you test it for al dente; that is when the human/ spaghetti interaction is optimum. OTOH, the FSM somewhat leery of humans nibbling his noodles; be gentle and use lots of tongue.
This is particularly perplexing: “SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!”; are you channeling a possible next president of the USA? Or are you intimating the next president of somewhere will be a BIG BLACK COCK? Or is this a sequence of random words?
These “scream of consciousness” things are so confusing; kinda like “fine art taco photography”.
Old Bogus
An FSM Pirate in the Colorado Mountains
“ArrH!, Matey!”
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That entire thing reminded me of a retarded rendition of R. Kelley’s hip-hopera “Trapped in the Closet.” Not only was your language depressingly low-brow, but was also surprisingly classless and misinformed. First, I have to ask you a question: why is it that no matter how much we stress the fact that this religion is, in fact, a joke, you still insist upon repeatedly asking the question throughout your poorly written rant? Second, why is it that if you belong to a ‘respectable’ religion, you still use incredibly obscene and unnecessary language at every opportunity, basically shitting all over the moral values that you, as Christians, have established. In closure, I award you “best attempt at disproving logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.”
Thank you for essentially proving to us that you are not nearly as intelligent as you make yourself out to be in public,
And also, if your spaghetti isn’t talking, you have a rare form of cancer.
Thanks again, and I really hope that this response will help clear up all of the social flaws that you as a Christian have developed.
–The Scientists for a Better PCR (Look us up on youtube!)
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@juicy,
Yeah man: it’s a joke.
Some of us like to play at it being a real religion but essentially it is satire. Although, if I did have to choose a religion it would be this one. The patron deity is so much more forgiving than any of the others. If you just say sorry and actually mean it then you can go to heaven…
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Ohmiiigoood this is SO HILARIOUS XD
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so is it as crazy as believing in a guy who just suddenly appeared and said on the the second day said let there be light seriously
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I nominate Sandyhook for deacon in the Most Revered Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. As soon as i can fashion a pointy hat from this Barilla Pasta box, I will place it on Sandyhook’s head.
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I have found my home. This was the first thread I read after finding this website. After seeing 99 wonderful, intelligent, spirtited responses to this jackass, I know I am in the company of true brothers/sisters.
After 31 years, I AM HOME!!!
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Christian? lol, “jewel” is not a Christian. He’s just apparently a good ole-fashioned angry nigra with a… presidential cock…
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Well, if this is how more respectable religions teach their followers to respond to other beliefs, then Pastafanarism is already better. Plus, a flying spaghetti monster makes as much sense as a random, omnipotent being who decided for no reason to create the world, establish miracles among people, and then suddenly quit for 2000 years. Because, really, when you die, would you rather be judged by a being that caused plagues, locusts, rivers turning to blood, and the crusades, or a flying spaghetti monster? I know my choice.
RAmen
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I was lost for words after reading this brilliantly stated piece of writing. I may even be so bold to say that the depth and profoundness of it compare to the epic “Lip Gloss,” by Lil Mama. The words you used, “IM SORRY BUT MY SPEGHETTI DOES NOT TALK TO ME” are comparable to the eloquently stated “My lip gloss be poppin.” Of course, I’m sure it must have been difficult to even attempt to match the depth of Lil Mama. I most certainly applaud your, as aforementioned, brilliant try.
Please contact me if you have any interest in this piece being published. I’m sure it would attract a vast audience.
Thank you!
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well .. it never ceases to amuse me that there are so many self opinionated religious zealots out there.
it is people like jade-jewels comments that offer us an insight into things like 9-11 and the dark ages … so if i have this correct .. (and i do !!!) this plebicite would have us believe that a person who believes in anything other than his/her opinion is going to hell and lake of fire – death blah blah blah …
well im afraid that there is a little problem there jackass and that is that people like YOU are actually more despised by your own god than people like US.
besides at least the FSM has some scientific base as opposed to your little jesus and the disciples fabrication.Admittedly it has some interesting characters but i found the plot a little thin and contrived .. maybe it would be better as a movie with woody harrolson or nicholas cage as jesus ???…maybe give him a flaming motorbike .. oh wait thats done .. or a catch phrase like ” im sick of these motherfucking demons on my motherucking planet” or something …. we will leave the details up to you …
furthermore .. are you still there anus face ? ? you claim to be a person of “GOD” .. not with a potty mouth like that you loser … you may be religious .. but your not a christian.
by the way .. i have been training in martial arts for nearly 20 years .. and the only thing i will be doing with your BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK is chopping it into chunks with my katana- mixing it with a big cup of “shut the fuck up” and giving you a little well deserved enema you retard…. grow up !!! or better stilll .. dont grow up but go live on another planet and leave us the fuck alone………..
signed the rest of the world.
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He was an angry young lad! You kind sir, are in need of a mood stabilizer.
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SandyHook! Fantastic post! Way to go!
.
Unfortunately, I doubt that jade-jewel will ever understand, if he/she/it even reads it.
.
RAmen
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Nate,
.
Welcome to the fold. May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage and bathed in the warmth of His Sauce forever.
.
RAmen
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Is it just me or is there actually a common thread connecting foul language, bad grammar, atrocious spelling, a lack of sense of humour and Christian zealots? Myself, I’d rather be God loving than God fearing and I just love a good Godly spaghetti!
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As Draconic said, doesn’t anyone read the open letter anymore? This is satire–(Please forgive me, Your Noodliness, for saying so). But we do have a purpose. I enjoy enraging fundamentalist nutjobs as much as anyone, but the FSM is not so much about religion as about curbing its interference with education and science. My brother is a Christian, and I still love him (he’s a kid, so I’m still hoping he’ll grow out of it). But he does not think some magic guy in the sky created the world in six days, or that public shcools should be wastng his time teaching that maybe life evolves, or maybe some magical creature just made everything this way.
“jade-jewel” is not making, but illustrating an important point here. We should note that his(/her?) parents and educational system have obviously failed him. Granted, some of us were raised a certain way, then had the mental fortitude to rise above the brainwashing. Creationism, “intelligent design,” or whatever they want to call it–is being taught in schools, and jade-jewel is a direct result of that. He proves our point by counter example.
Feel sorry for jade-jewel. Besides, the poor thing obviously has turrets syndrome.
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Jesus was a junky. His travels where never recorded. Constantine wrote the bible and we all know he was a junky, so shove it you dumb Christians. BRING IT ON YOU SON OF A BITCH
Hail the FSM
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all hail the FSM and his sauce of righteousness!!!
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First off, welcome Nate. And secondly, MEGANINJA, please use more commas, your post sounds sounds Christian and flame-like. We must hold ourselves to the same grammar standards we ask others for.
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i think the toco photos are awesome in my opinion HAHAH this guy seems to be on to many seriods because he OVIOUSLY has some anger issues…oh and btw pissing on somone’s grave will send you to hell as well as attacking other ppl.
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Welcome Nate! Your fellow pastafarians love you and cherish you, as does the FSM! We are truly blessed.
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Seriously guys, don’t piss him off. Believe it or not, there is a history of Christians behaving rather badly toward non believers. I was surprised to learn this myself. Something about Crusades and Inquisitions and such. Read more about it at your local library if you live north of the Mason-Dixon line.
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I wonder if anyone told this jade character that there is such a thing called grammar. I could understand if…..well, no I couldn’t. I find it comical that someone is obviously so ignorant that they can’t even type a forum post without overusing the word “like”. With as much time that was spent compiling this giant turd of a comment, why not make sure to build some structure? I guess that would be far too much to ask of someone that is so blinded by their own stupidity. This looks more like a conversation that I would have with my alcoholic uncle! LOL! I think that what is represented on this site is pure genius! Creative minds always have the most interesting spins on what we “should” do and believe. Keep up the silliness guys! FSM like rules and stuff….hahaha!
P.S. – Jade, when you get out of high school or further your education in some way…..come back and try again.
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I can only laugh about this … so here it comes
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Almost
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There it is :)
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@ Jade-Jewel,
I plan on being cremated and have my remains scattered off of Seneca Point in Cook Forest State Park, PA. So, no grave to piss on, but please feel free to climb over the fence intended to keep people away from the edge, since it is an extremely long drop to the very rocky bottom, and piss away! Please feel free to also fall off while you are there.
RAmen.
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i don’t even believe in the FSM but i can easily tell you that you are stupid for all those things you said. it’s peoples choice to believe in whatever they want to believe in. you believe in god and Jesus and all that good stuff, someone else might believe in the rainbow bacteria named bob, but that is not grounds for you to ridicule anybody. especially if you are a Christian like you say you are. if anything, you are the one going to hell, according to your religion at least, for posting these negative and hateful comments. would Jesus do that, hmm i wonder. probably not, according to your “historically accurate” bible. i wish i could stuff spaghetti down your throat because, guess what even your god would do nothing now would he. people get murdered every day, sometimes by being force fed i bet, and wheres GOD then? nowhere. i think you should take this opportunity to overlook yourself and how much you even follow your religion before you go and ridicule and harass others for their beliefs, no matter how crazy or ridiculous you might think it is.
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Hahaha what a joke. Some people freaking out over the ‘non-existance’ of the FSM.
Where’s your proof for your god?
If I were to believe in FSM, I’d be a lunatic in your eyes.
If a billion people believed in FSM, it’d be a full blown religion like any other.
Matter of perception. Best of all is how we all sit back and laugh and these other people really believe in their pink unicorn fairytale :)
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I think that your post was even funnier because all of those typographical errors made you seem even angrier/less intelligent.
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I have a couple of questions. For instance, what exactly is a “big black presidential cock bitch”? Is it some kind of large black hermaphroditic dog occupying a position of power? And will your God save you when you die? Why does everyone misspell “spaghetti”? Why do Christians take this so seriously?
To answer some of yours, our religion is now too big to be considered a cult, we are the disciples of the spaghetti monster, the founder of Pastafarianism was Bobby Henderson, no, and no.
Finally, the total naughty word count: 20. Is that a record?
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Now now, it’s okay to point out logical inconsistencies, but no returning the hate of other with hate, it is against the wishes of the FSM, and we must not desecrate his place of worship with propagating hate speech.
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Gosh, I just DO NOT know whether these hate-mails are serious? Are so many people so stupid? I mean COME ON!
RAmen
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0BbrGGZGUo
Just to make this forum a little more silly.
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Why to go Jade-Jewel!! You’ve convinced many more a condemned soul to save themselves from Christianity or whatever cesspool of a religion you partake in. Get a clue and stop embarassing yourself. If there was a god, surely she would be as stunned as I am and deeply ashamed of the stupidity of her createion.
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I WOULD CONSIDER THE PERSON WHO STARTED THIS FORUM THE DUMB BITCH!! HAVING A GREAT MIND IS BEING ABLE TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND DIFFERENT IDEAS OR THEORIES FROM DIFFERENT POINTS OF VIEW. AS FOR THE FINE ART TACO PHOTOGRAPHY, THERE IS SOME REALLY GREAT PHOTOS. DON’T BE HATING THE ART. I THOUGHT IT CREATIVE AND WOULD NEVER HAVE EVEN CONSIDERED TAKING PICTURES OF TACOS. KUDOS TO THE PHOTOGRAPHER.
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its people like you that make christianity a dirty word
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Really, if CHristianity is the sause of morality, then I had the wrong idea of morality.
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wow. Whats the bet that this guy’s a Cracked-headed Born Again Christian. I mean why does it seem that every christian/athiest/whatever, wants to come on here, waste our time, swear at us, and then make it sound like it’s our fault.
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Seriously, who the f*** raised you? This religion is more developed than you.
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Impressive rhetoric. Jade-jewel should run for office or something…
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WOW, THE ABOVE COMMENTS FROM jade-jewel A QUIET UPSETTING FOR SOME FSM MEMBERS, IN THE WORLD OF TOLERANCE WE MUST REMEMBEAR THAT THIS PERSON HAS THE INTERLECT OF A WALNUT.
ALL HALE FSM
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She shall not enter the glorious noodly heaven for she had not been touched by his noodly appendage and when she does that she shall see the true power of his noodly power. and that he has bigger balls than her god ever could
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I think this is probably fake.. surely no one is that much of a hypocritical dumbass… Are they?
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Hail to His High Noodleness!!
I am a pastafarian from EONS (I was one of the first to read his Mighty Words) but, since I believe in the “keep thy religion to thyself” George Carlin’s Commandment, I never wrote here.
Thanks to all my fellow friends here to let me hope that there is still some intelligence in the world (and did not designed anything serious at all).
Andrea, from Italy.
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The majority of responses above would seem to indicate that this (suspected) fellow named after a semi-precious green rock is pulling our collective legs (as opposed to weeing on our collective graves – I’m in Australia to make it even trickier for him/her/it – he/she/it’d better book a ticket in about 45- 50 years time – FSM grant me a long and happy pasta-filled life). I suspect however, that our enthusiastic contributor may, in fact, be ‘aving a go! (nod nod wink wink) rather than Having A Go – (take it like I tell it or I’ll gitcha!!!). [I did notice the odd 'fake' comment above - so maybe I'm not alone in this line of thinking]. I’m fairly new to the fold and find that the hate mailers unfortunately do much to reinforce the ignorant and stereotypical portrayal of Americans here in Australia. I will always take the time to read the responses – and yes, I find it refreshing and relieving that you lovely folk all spell (and I’m sure smell) much better than the anti-ramen rabble. See ya’ round like a meatball!
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Isn’t cursing a sin? I’m pretty sure carnal thoughts are. And, to quote you, “SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!” That seems pretty carnal to me. Congratulations, you are going to this place you call hell.
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Another glowing example of the love and kindness displayed by Christians towards those of us who chose to think for ourselves…this guy/girl sounds completely nuts… what’s really sad is none of these people stop to think that maybe we don’t really worship FSM and could quite possibly (and are) just laughing behind our hands at those of you who chose to believe in a religion equally appalling… just some food for thought :)
RAmen!
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You know, Jade Jewel presents a very well thought out and rational argument. Perhaps I need to reconsider my beliefs.
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