YOU DUMB BITCH!!! this is no such thing as a fucking flying spaghetti monster and hes not god ! If he were real i would chop that bitch up and feed him to the poor starving people in africa! you people are sick and demented, and your all going to fucking hell! FUCKING SPEGHETTI I MEAN COME ON IF YOU WANTED TO COME UP WITH A RELIGION THE GOD HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE REALISTIC! IM SORRY BUT MY SPEGHETTI DOES NOT TALK TO ME IT IS NOT JESUS! Lol you all are way to funny XD You guys must be on some good drugs, pass that shit around. Sooo like are you guys in a cult or something?? What are the disciples of this spaghetti guy? A piece of garlic toast and a meat ball? LOL!!!! You guys are soo sick i wouldnt even spit in your direction and when you all die im gonna piss on ALL of your graves!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You are all a joke!! I will tie down everyone of you sick bastards and force feed you guys spaghetti!!! and i will scream out “weres you fuckiNG spaghetti bitch now? Is he gonna save you? NOO! Cause hes NOT REAL!” Do you guys like revolve around food or something? Like cause you have fine art taco photography?!? Who the dumb bitch who thought of this religion??? Cause i bet you money they were on shrums at the time or maybe some fucking acid! Cause this is some trippy shit! AND yes i do believe in hell! But im not gonna go to hell for believing in a false idol like you stupid spaghetti! JESUS CHRIST I STILL CANT EVEN GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU BELIEVE IN THIS BULLSHIT!!! DO THEY LIKE FORCE FEED YOU THIS SHIT? LIKE SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT?
WTF???That does not look like a spaghetti monsterrrr you dumb cunt! SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!
- jade-jewel
you dumb bitch
Published by Bobby Henderson February 20th, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 472 Comments
472 Responses to “you dumb bitch”
You’re ignorant.
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Hmmm. Another triumph for No Child Left Behind.
I diagnose a young person with very limited experience who has been listening to his classmates talk and thinks they invented all those “bad” words. That language impresses him so they must impress us, right?. Hope his Mommy doesn’t find that on the family computer, or Somebody will be in big trouble with soapy bubbles coming out of his mouth.
Honey, we have all had our first chance to feel all wicked by saying fuck and cunt and so forth. I was that age once….. a long time ago and in a galaxy far, far away.
As far as the limited content of your letter is concerned:
You will not have to force feed me spaghetti (note the spelling. There is this really neat book called a dictionary…..books scare you? Okay, try googling this phrase: “spell checker”). I will happy partake in that communion with my god.
The FSM enjoins us to not “act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. “. (from the first of the “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”) so I am not going to make fun of your religion. Besides, you are doing a great job of that without my help.
Bu I think you are missing a good bet here. The passion and language of your missive (that dictionary would come in real handy here, wouldn’t it?) suggests to me that you are feeling a need to upset a bunch of people. I humbly suggest that conversion to the CoFSM might work well for that.
My you be touched by His Noodly Appendage. Hope the acne clears up.
RAmen
.
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Wow, you ignorant, intollerant, foul mouthed hypocrit (you might want to look some of these words up) – you’re religion must be so proud that you’ve decided to speak so eloquently on their behalf… and you wonder why the Flying Spaghetti Monster is needed to save mankind? Open your eyes and your mind – if you want to critisize, perhaps you should try educating yourself first and then perhaps you’ll be rewarded with some sense of enlightenment.
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Seriously….calling you an arsehole would be an understatment.
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oh yeah, it´s mails like these that inspire me to continue praising his noodly magnificence.
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Hello,
our religion is designed to have exactly the same amount of evidence as yours. We have a gospel, people who have seen the flying spaghetti monster and a blind faith, just like you. A blind faith in a believe without ANY proof at all. What is the difference between this religion and yours..? Maybe yours is foolish to believe..?
By the way try and look a bit deeper into our ‘flying spaghetti monster religion’ there is an element of sarcasm there. :)
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*Sigh*
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Hello? Jesus does not talk to you either, my sick friend. What you hear is called a day dream, or maybe a wild imagination. Unless, of course, you actually here a voice in your head, in which case it is schizophrenia. But the man who was Jesus (if he existed at all) is long dead.
Besides, haven’t you ever sat down in front of a wonderful plate of spaghetti and heard “eat me, I’m so delicious!” I guess this is a cannibalistic religion… fuck it, I’m still in.
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Hello? Jesus does not talk to you either. What you hear is called a day dream, or maybe a wild imagination. Unless, of course, you actually here a voice in your head, in which case it is schizophrenia. But Jesus the man (if he existed at all) is long dead.
And besides, haven’t you ever sat down in front of a wonderful plate of spaghetti and heard “eat me, I’m delicious”! I guess this is a cannibalistic religion… fuck it, I’m still in.
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hahahahahahahah great one!
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wow kid…if the pooint was anything other then to have FUN, i might agree with you. as it is, i think you need a course in sarcasm, a course in suicide techniques, and a course about racism. Why dont you go fuck yourself, and let us enjoy ourselves in peace.
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lol this has to be the funniest hate mail i’ve ever read! this guy is retarded if he thinks he’s getting into Christian heaven, he should convert now and take advantage of our flimsy morale standards. all this hate mail spawns from jealousy of our forgiving lord!
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I think there should be an i.q. test required for all of the people who wish to use the internet.
.
It’s called SATIRE jade-jewel. It’s not to be taken literally.
.
And we’re the ones going to hell? We don’t hate. You do. We lovingly accept anyone and everyone. By your oh-so-perfect Christain standards, we are ascending to your glorious heaven and you are descending to the fire and brimstone pits of hell.
.
Most of us eat spaghetti. It is kind of like our version of the eucharist. Truthfully, I would love it if you came over and fed me some spaghetti one day. I love spaghetti. But no meat sauce. Eww.
.
RAmen.
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Wow!! You really took the time to respond to this thought provoking humor. Gee, I wonder how much of a positive change you make in the world sitting on your fat chunky ass. If it isn’t BY GOD it will be. Contriving insults to people who want to actually enjoy their life, not just pander to a notion of purity and moral sanctitude is neither of those things. You are neither moral, nor sanctimonious and you might just want to pipe down, you overly pompus ass, and take a little criticism of your permiable faith and maybe even ask yourself if you deserve the rights the religion of your choosing has offered you.
Now go wash you hands, keyboard and mouth out with some high lye soap and choke on it!!! Bitch!!!
Dana 42 — ALL HAIL THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!!!
PS look at all the paranoid religion mongers.
Being good and decent gets you places. Being selfrightous gets you locked out of heaven. No god wants your attitude not behavior anywhere near. Check yourself.
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Firstly,
This guy has som serios anger management issues, maybe the result of one or two prayers not being totally fulfilled?
secondly,
Personally i think pasta is more realistic than creating a blend of ethanol and other organic substances from water.
thirdly
moreover I live the fact that so many of theese people tells us that pastafarianism is ridiculus beacause its not real..
and finally,
Does he get aroused by using so many capital letters or does he (I assume “he” beacause of the cock-thing but you never know and I am not one for practising prejudice) simply think “bigger is better”
May FSM bring peace into your (pitiful) existence..
Ramen
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“”That does not look like a spaghetti monsterrrr”"
.
Talks, walks, quacks like a duck -> duck.
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We love you, too, sweetie.
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Hmmmm, I’m sure glad this guy believes in hell so we don’t have to worry about him cutting in line for a nice cool frosty beer. So sad. He seems touched alright, but not by our FSM. Gotta run, my noodles are ready. I like butter and poppy seeds on mine (gee, does that count as drugs???-Gaaar).
-PastaDgoMama
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Wow, way to many errors to be covered, I do beleive however that as the first one posting I just have to ask, is there actually someone dumb enough to type like that? I mean is this real or is henderbob messing with us?
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he says “you people are sick” and then proceeds to say that he IF HE KNEW that the flying spaghetti monster was real he would chop him up, not to mention the sea of unitelligent threats, insults and swear words.
“Cause i bet you money they were on shrums at the time or maybe some fucking acid!” Is he trying to say he would like to make a donation to the ship fund?
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all is well my son. thy shall be touched by his divine noodly appendage. controll thine rage for the pillaging. RAmen
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That was awesome!!!
Here’s my favorite part:
“yes i do believe in hell! But im not gonna go to hell for believing in a false idol like you stupid spaghetti!”[sic]
No, jade-jewel, you will probably go to hell for this instead:
“when you all die im gonna piss on ALL of your graves!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You are all a joke!! I will tie down everyone of you sick bastards and force feed you guys spaghetti!!! and i will scream out “weres you fuckiNG spaghetti bitch now? Is he gonna save you?[the sic of all sics]“
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Wow. Ummmmm, I don’t think that this is really even worth remarking on other than to say this. If you
want to represent your religion, do it in a nice, friendly, non-ranting way. That goes for all religions,
including atheism and agnosticism, as well as Christianity. Take a chill pill jade jewel! And no, I won’t
suck on whatever it is you want me to suck on, however presidential it may be. RAmen.
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Hmmmm,
im just passing through, but do you not think you have taken this a bit seriously?
Im pretty sure if you took life a lil less seriously you might enjoy it a little more.
pinch of salt yeah?!
Fucking Loser
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do you not think you have taken this a little seriously?
pinch of salt yeah?
fucking loser
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It’s good to know there’s good christians like you around.
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Hello jade-jewel. We both value and respect your opinion, thank you for the first good hate mail in quite a while. Have a pleasant day :)
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With the limited time I have it would be impossible for me to point out all the things wrong with this “letter”. I would however like to point out that anyone who would write like this jade-jewel person, is either faking it for attention or trying to make someone else look bad.
RAmen
James D,(first time for a first post)
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I would call you an ignorant, uneducated prick but since pointing out the obvious is counterproductive to effective arguing I’ll get to the point.
This letter, this entire website, is a joke. Nobody really believes in the FSM. If you took high school English you should know what Satire is.
To be consistent with my first statement I suppose it’s only fair I define it for you.
Satire is a work of writing that employs harsh sarcasm and irony to affect a social change.
The whole point of this entire thing is making fun of people who actually believe in intelligent design, like your mommy and daddy.
So go run along and continue to flood message boards with your idiocy, putting people like you in their place gives us intellectuals something to do when we’re bored.
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Ok one you are not going to get anywhere criticizing people if you curse every other sentence. You also should have some respect for other people’s beliefs; like us Pastafarians. If we didn’t respect others’ beliefs we would be putting down Christianity so much it wouldn’t have any power to get back up; but we don’t because we are mostly decent people. So you should really stop cursing at everyone just because you don’t like them and try acting like a civilized human-being; if that is possible for you.
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Whoa… this is hate mail of a quality I haven’t seen since “Bobby’s Last Reply,” and that was a LONG time ago!
It has shades of dogma mixing with the rich and heady aroma of bigotry and intolerance, an appearance that brings back fond remembrances of the fine communication skills of the Westboro Baptist Church, and even a tone redolent of complete and utter stupidity! Truly a magnificent bouquet of hate-filled ranting!
.
Seriously. I usually try to be polite, but that post is going a BIT to far. I wonder if they would start to get the satire if we pounded it into their heads with iron mallets, but I somehow doubt it.
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language!
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Wait. Why is it so far-fetched to believe in a huge blob of spaghetti that floats around and influences our lives? You believe that you have a huge undescribed guy floating around creating stuff with his magic powers, yet still giving birth asexually. I fail to see why you have issues with our beliefs when yours are so obviously flawed. Why dont you get over yourself and stop trying to push you fallacies on all of us.
Thanks.
Mike
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This is actually quite disturbing.
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“i wouldnt even spit in your direction”
and yet you take 5-10 mins to type out and post a load of dribble on this site…
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You should punch yourself in the head. A couple of times.
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“SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!” HOLY CRAP! OBAMA HATES US! and i was gonna vote for him to…
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Oh goody! I get to be the first to reply. Dude, you sound like a completely religious whack-job. It is abundantly clear, that you are just one instance away from not taking your daily anti-crazy pills, walking into a building and killing a bunch of people for your god.
You are so completely blinded by your own sheer stupidity and ignorance, that you miss the big picture that this glorious movement is all about.
Yar to the Flying Spaghetti Monster!!
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Too bad spelling wasn’t a valued skill at Sunday School.
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It’s a little disappointing that someone has spent that much time typing hate mail to a parody of sorts. Maybe the hate mail was meant to be a joke too, but it’s a super nasty one! The world has enough bad thoughts out there as it is. Come on! Have a laugh every once in a while! I promise you will feel better after a bowl of spaghetti and a hearty chuckle…
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This guy is definately NOT a christian – I’m sure that they don’t teach that shit in church.
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Also, what the hell is a shrum?
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You spelled spaghetti wrong. It’s on the title of the site and you spelled it wrong. Congratulations.
RAmen.
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This guy is calling us dumb (how we can collectively be a dumb bitch has me a bit confused, but I get the general idea), and right now there’s a pretzel with a vague resemblance to the alleged virgin Mary up for auction on eBay, and the bidding is over one million dollars. Even if the last three bids are hoax bids, the history shows an apparently legitimate buildup to over ten thousand bucks. But we’re the dumb ones.
Spaghetti night tomorrow!!!
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Its ok if you dont believe in fsm, I don’t, But you don’t have to be an asshole to disagree. Why did you even bother to leave a comment? You should probably get some friends or something to do instead of being a dick to people you don’t know.
P.S threating people over the internet dosnt scare them.
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Sigh…
Please spend you efforts learning proper English grammar and punctuation, perhaps then composition and diction. Try reading books. It’s very clear that you have far great challenges to confront in your personal life before you begin attacking a bunch of people over a parody.
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Wow, good Christians like yourself shouldn’t be swearing that much! Jesus may be listening!
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Wow, where to begin with this one… Grammar, spelling, intelligence, ability to use the opposable thumb properly for something more than self-gratification?
Let us dissect this tripe bit by bit, shall we?
“YOU DUMB BITCH!!! this is no such thing as a fucking flying spaghetti monster and hes not god !”
And I say unto you, he who is without faith shall never reach His house, and will be stuck with the bar tab.
“If he were real i would chop that bitch up and feed him to the poor starving people in africa! you people are sick and demented, and your all going to fucking hell! FUCKING SPEGHETTI I MEAN COME ON IF YOU WANTED TO COME UP WITH A RELIGION THE GOD HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE REALISTIC! IM SORRY BUT MY SPEGHETTI DOES NOT TALK TO ME IT IS NOT JESUS!”
He is as real as He chooses to be, and if He so chooses to extend His noodly appendage unto the poor people of Africa, He certainly will. The poor people of Africa will need to come unto Him and be baptized in the holy Homestyle Sauce. We, who believe, cannot go to hell, for our beliefs do not allow for a place such as the Christian Hell. He is as realistic as any other god. Idolatry is forbidden in many religions, but not all. I say unto you, if you do not believe, you will never enter into His Kingdom, and the blessed strippers will never, for you, perform the sacraments of the most righteous lap-dance. You claim that your spaghetti does not speak to you. I say unto you that if you do not believe that your spaghetti can talk, you cannot hear Him. The fault is not that of the spaghetti, the fault lies within the non-believer.
“Lol you all are way to funny XD You guys must be on some good drugs, pass that shit around. Sooo like are you guys in a cult or something??”
While some of us surely partake of the finer chemical substances available to His disciples, not all are privy to such prophecy inducing materials. To call Pastafarianism a cult is to demean the devout beliefs to which we adhere. I ask you, “Are you a member of a cult?” I say we both are.
“What are the disciples of this spaghetti guy? A piece of garlic toast and a meat ball? LOL!!!!”
We are all His disciples. We are the Pastafarians. Join us.
“You guys are soo sick i wouldnt even spit in your direction and when you all die im gonna piss on ALL of your graves!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You are all a joke!! I will tie down everyone of you sick bastards and force feed you guys spaghetti!!! and i will scream out “weres you fuckiNG spaghetti bitch now? Is he gonna save you? NOO! Cause hes NOT REAL!” ”
I am certain that some of His disciples are ill at any moment in time, and I am certain that I speak for every disciple when I say unto you, “Thank you for not spitting.” I say further unto you that taking His body into our own is a sacred rite, and we perform it willingly. There is no need to, as you say, “… tie down everyone of you sick bastards and force feed you guys spaghetti!!!” Pastafarians are already saved. We have taken Him into our hearts and minds and we find peace in His divine light. We do not fear passing over to His Kingdom, for there the beer is free, and the strippers plentiful. He is as real to us, as your god is to you. If you wish to prove that He does not exist, you will also prove that your god does not exist, for they are both all powerful, all seeing, all knowing, and ever present forever and ever, rAmen.
“Do you guys like revolve around food or something? Like cause you have fine art taco photography?!?”
All major religions and civilizations revolve around food. Why should Pastafarianism be any different?
“Who the dumb bitch who thought of this religion??? Cause i bet you money they were on shrums at the time or maybe some fucking acid! Cause this is some trippy shit!”
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen, is the founder of the modern Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He is not the first founder, for there was once a deformation and eventual rehydration of the Church.
AND yes i do believe in hell! But im not gonna go to hell for believing in a false idol like you stupid spaghetti! JESUS CHRIST I STILL CANT EVEN GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU BELIEVE IN THIS BULLSHIT!!! DO THEY LIKE FORCE FEED YOU THIS SHIT? LIKE SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT?
WTF???That does not look like a spaghetti monsterrrr you dumb cunt! SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!
- jade-jewel
You claim, in one sentence, to believe in the tenets of the popular faith of Rome, and in the next, you use Rome’s holiest of holy symbols as a swear. I ask you, “Is this not against the teachings of Rome?” You will not hear a Pastafarian using His name as a swear, it doesn’t provide fluidity of speech. I also notice, with some worry, that you have already anointed Mr. Obama as the next president of the United Sates of America. While I agree with the sentiment, I worry about how you are so certain of the outcome. Are you blessed with the ability of divination?
In conclusion, jade-jewel, you must not simply read the front page of this site in order to understand the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. You must read this site in its entirety to attempt to understand His noodly awesomeness.
For is it not written that He said unto the midgits, “Don’t eat junk food. A candy bar might give you a quick boost of energy, but after 20 minutes, you’ll feel run down. So eat smart!”
The Reverend Scott E. Lee
O’Fallon, MO
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Since it appears to be a test of the reality of a creator, I propose that we force feed you Jesus, until God comes down to stop us.
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Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! HA HA HA HA HA HA!! OMFSM HA HA HA! Wow. Just… wow. This is possibly the funniest single piece of English text that has ever been written. EVER. If I were to seriously comment one what you said:
1. First of all, you need to learn to speak English. You from China or something?
2. Yeah, um… so you’re Christian, I take it? Well, I guess you don’t get the whole “love thy neighbor as thyself” crap those hippies in the new testament were saying, do you?
3. Yeah. Piss on our graves. Dumb bitch. Etc. Still, you should be a comedian. This is just funny.
All praise the FSM!
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