YOU DUMB BITCH!!! this is no such thing as a fucking flying spaghetti monster and hes not god ! If he were real i would chop that bitch up and feed him to the poor starving people in africa! you people are sick and demented, and your all going to fucking hell! FUCKING SPEGHETTI I MEAN COME ON IF YOU WANTED TO COME UP WITH A RELIGION THE GOD HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE REALISTIC! IM SORRY BUT MY SPEGHETTI DOES NOT TALK TO ME IT IS NOT JESUS! Lol you all are way to funny XD You guys must be on some good drugs, pass that shit around. Sooo like are you guys in a cult or something?? What are the disciples of this spaghetti guy? A piece of garlic toast and a meat ball? LOL!!!! You guys are soo sick i wouldnt even spit in your direction and when you all die im gonna piss on ALL of your graves!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You are all a joke!! I will tie down everyone of you sick bastards and force feed you guys spaghetti!!! and i will scream out “weres you fuckiNG spaghetti bitch now? Is he gonna save you? NOO! Cause hes NOT REAL!” Do you guys like revolve around food or something? Like cause you have fine art taco photography?!? Who the dumb bitch who thought of this religion??? Cause i bet you money they were on shrums at the time or maybe some fucking acid! Cause this is some trippy shit! AND yes i do believe in hell! But im not gonna go to hell for believing in a false idol like you stupid spaghetti! JESUS CHRIST I STILL CANT EVEN GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU BELIEVE IN THIS BULLSHIT!!! DO THEY LIKE FORCE FEED YOU THIS SHIT? LIKE SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT?
WTF???That does not look like a spaghetti monsterrrr you dumb cunt! SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!
- jade-jewel
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
You are going to hell for using your lord’s name in vain though. It’s your hell, you burn.
Dude! Get a sence of humour!!! And learn how to spell while you’re at it! No offence but seriously your spelling sucks!
Gack.
It still manages to be funny when these idiots don’t get that it’s NOT SUPPOSED to be taken seriously.
What is with the vaginal fetish? Afraid of the teeth? Meatballs will overcome this inadequacy.
If your spaghetti doesn’t talk to you, either you offend it or overcook it. Gently fondle it with your lips as you test it for al dente; that is when the human/ spaghetti interaction is optimum. OTOH, the FSM somewhat leery of humans nibbling his noodles; be gentle and use lots of tongue.
This is particularly perplexing: “SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!”; are you channeling a possible next president of the USA? Or are you intimating the next president of somewhere will be a BIG BLACK COCK? Or is this a sequence of random words?
These “scream of consciousness” things are so confusing; kinda like “fine art taco photography”.
Old Bogus
An FSM Pirate in the Colorado Mountains
“ArrH!, Matey!”
That entire thing reminded me of a retarded rendition of R. Kelley’s hip-hopera “Trapped in the Closet.” Not only was your language depressingly low-brow, but was also surprisingly classless and misinformed. First, I have to ask you a question: why is it that no matter how much we stress the fact that this religion is, in fact, a joke, you still insist upon repeatedly asking the question throughout your poorly written rant? Second, why is it that if you belong to a ‘respectable’ religion, you still use incredibly obscene and unnecessary language at every opportunity, basically shitting all over the moral values that you, as Christians, have established. In closure, I award you “best attempt at disproving logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.”
Thank you for essentially proving to us that you are not nearly as intelligent as you make yourself out to be in public,
And also, if your spaghetti isn’t talking, you have a rare form of cancer.
Thanks again, and I really hope that this response will help clear up all of the social flaws that you as a Christian have developed.
–The Scientists for a Better PCR (Look us up on youtube!)
@juicy,
Yeah man: it’s a joke.
Some of us like to play at it being a real religion but essentially it is satire. Although, if I did have to choose a religion it would be this one. The patron deity is so much more forgiving than any of the others. If you just say sorry and actually mean it then you can go to heaven…
Ohmiiigoood this is SO HILARIOUS XD
so is it as crazy as believing in a guy who just suddenly appeared and said on the the second day said let there be light seriously
I nominate Sandyhook for deacon in the Most Revered Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. As soon as i can fashion a pointy hat from this Barilla Pasta box, I will place it on Sandyhook’s head.
I have found my home. This was the first thread I read after finding this website. After seeing 99 wonderful, intelligent, spirtited responses to this jackass, I know I am in the company of true brothers/sisters.
After 31 years, I AM HOME!!!
Christian? lol, “jewel” is not a Christian. He’s just apparently a good ole-fashioned angry nigra with a… presidential cock…
Well, if this is how more respectable religions teach their followers to respond to other beliefs, then Pastafanarism is already better. Plus, a flying spaghetti monster makes as much sense as a random, omnipotent being who decided for no reason to create the world, establish miracles among people, and then suddenly quit for 2000 years. Because, really, when you die, would you rather be judged by a being that caused plagues, locusts, rivers turning to blood, and the crusades, or a flying spaghetti monster? I know my choice.
RAmen
I was lost for words after reading this brilliantly stated piece of writing. I may even be so bold to say that the depth and profoundness of it compare to the epic “Lip Gloss,” by Lil Mama. The words you used, “IM SORRY BUT MY SPEGHETTI DOES NOT TALK TO ME” are comparable to the eloquently stated “My lip gloss be poppin.” Of course, I’m sure it must have been difficult to even attempt to match the depth of Lil Mama. I most certainly applaud your, as aforementioned, brilliant try.
Please contact me if you have any interest in this piece being published. I’m sure it would attract a vast audience.
Thank you!
well .. it never ceases to amuse me that there are so many self opinionated religious zealots out there.
it is people like jade-jewels comments that offer us an insight into things like 9-11 and the dark ages … so if i have this correct .. (and i do !!!) this plebicite would have us believe that a person who believes in anything other than his/her opinion is going to hell and lake of fire - death blah blah blah …
well im afraid that there is a little problem there jackass and that is that people like YOU are actually more despised by your own god than people like US.
besides at least the FSM has some scientific base as opposed to your little jesus and the disciples fabrication.Admittedly it has some interesting characters but i found the plot a little thin and contrived .. maybe it would be better as a movie with woody harrolson or nicholas cage as jesus ???…maybe give him a flaming motorbike .. oh wait thats done .. or a catch phrase like ” im sick of these motherfucking demons on my motherucking planet” or something …. we will leave the details up to you …
furthermore .. are you still there anus face ? ? you claim to be a person of “GOD” .. not with a potty mouth like that you loser … you may be religious .. but your not a christian.
by the way .. i have been training in martial arts for nearly 20 years .. and the only thing i will be doing with your BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK is chopping it into chunks with my katana- mixing it with a big cup of “shut the fuck up” and giving you a little well deserved enema you retard…. grow up !!! or better stilll .. dont grow up but go live on another planet and leave us the fuck alone………..
signed the rest of the world.
He was an angry young lad! You kind sir, are in need of a mood stabilizer.
SandyHook! Fantastic post! Way to go!
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Unfortunately, I doubt that jade-jewel will ever understand, if he/she/it even reads it.
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RAmen
Nate,
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Welcome to the fold. May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage and bathed in the warmth of His Sauce forever.
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RAmen
Is it just me or is there actually a common thread connecting foul language, bad grammar, atrocious spelling, a lack of sense of humour and Christian zealots? Myself, I’d rather be God loving than God fearing and I just love a good Godly spaghetti!
As Draconic said, doesn’t anyone read the open letter anymore? This is satire–(Please forgive me, Your Noodliness, for saying so). But we do have a purpose. I enjoy enraging fundamentalist nutjobs as much as anyone, but the FSM is not so much about religion as about curbing its interference with education and science. My brother is a Christian, and I still love him (he’s a kid, so I’m still hoping he’ll grow out of it). But he does not think some magic guy in the sky created the world in six days, or that public shcools should be wastng his time teaching that maybe life evolves, or maybe some magical creature just made everything this way.
“jade-jewel” is not making, but illustrating an important point here. We should note that his(/her?) parents and educational system have obviously failed him. Granted, some of us were raised a certain way, then had the mental fortitude to rise above the brainwashing. Creationism, “intelligent design,” or whatever they want to call it–is being taught in schools, and jade-jewel is a direct result of that. He proves our point by counter example.
Feel sorry for jade-jewel. Besides, the poor thing obviously has turrets syndrome.
Jesus was a junky. His travels where never recorded. Constantine wrote the bible and we all know he was a junky, so shove it you dumb Christians. BRING IT ON YOU SON OF A BITCH
Hail the FSM